You Only Live Twice
by Marauding Mara
Summary: AU-sequel to my longterm fic My Everlasting Love. What would have happened if Mary and Erin did not die on that fateful night in 1981? Would Dumbledore find them a place where they could be safe? And would she find her way back to Sirius eventually? S/OC
1. Prologue

**Author's note: **

This is a sequel to _My Everlasting Love_, which has also been posted on this site. If you haven't read that story yet, I suggest you read it first before diving into this one. The original fic can be found on my profile.

For everyone who _did_ read _Everlasting_, welcome to the long awaited sequel! There are a few things you should know before we get started: this sequel is basically a What if-story: what would have happened if Mary and Erin had somehow survived the attack on Halloween? Yep, it's totally AU, haha. However, there will still be enough canon knowledge to deal with. Sirius has still been in Azkaban for twelve years and there's also a second wizard war to fight.

Basically, the only difference (which is big, I admit) is that Sirius still has a fiancée. Oh, and a kid!

**Disclaimer:**

I owe nothing of the Harry Potter-world. My original characters on the other hand…

**Prologue**

It was the night of June 9th in the year 1994 when two men in their early fifties were slowly making their way home from a night at the pub. They lived in a small village in Southern Scotland; a village where everybody knew each other by name and nothing exciting ever seemed to occur. In fact, the weekly highlight in their lives was to leave their nagging wives at home and head out to the only pub in the village for a round of billiards and a few pints. As a result, they weren't all that sober when they were walking down a completely deserted country road. Frankly, they were quite drunk; wandering from one side of the road to the other, hugging each other's shoulders while singing _The Flower of Scotland_. "O flower of Scotland!" the man called Tommy boomed loudly. "When will we see your like again, that fought and died for-"

He stopped singing mid-sentence when his friend had stopped walking abruptly. "You wee bit hill and glen…" Tommy had tried to draw his attention, but fell silent when his singing didn't have the desired result. His friend was staring up at the sky, his mouth hanging slightly open. "Clive?" Tommy asked.

His friend didn't respond immediately. And when he finally did speak, he was still frowning at the sky, which was cool and cloudless. "Tell me, Tommy," Clive said. "How many pints did we have tonight?"

Tommy stared at his friend. "Why do you ask?"

"No reason. I was just wondering… Did we drink more than usual?"

"Eh…" Tommy was trying hard to recall how many drinks they had ordered that night. He wasn't the brightest of men, and counting up had never been his best asset. "No more than ordinary, I reckon," he said after a pause. "Around twenty, I reckon. Oh, and Paddy also got us those extra large units of Guinness, d'you remember, mate?"

"Ah," Clive replied, nodding thoughtfully as he continued to stare up at the sky while scratching his round belly. "Well, that explains it a bit, I s'ppose."

"Explains what?"

"That there's some kind of misshaped horse up in the sky."

Tommy stared at him, trying to perceive if his friend was messing him around. Clive, however, still refused to take his eyes from the sky and in the end, reluctantly, Tommy decided to follow his gaze. Nothing could have prepared him for what he was seeing next. A small and odd-looking animal was indeed flying through the sky. It seemed to be floating in and out of some clouds, right in front of the moon, about five thousand feet above their heads. "Bless me soul," Tommy whispered, hastily crossing himself. "W-What in the name of heavens _is_ that?"

"Beats me. Looks like a horse, doesn't it?"

"A horse!" Tommy cried. "But what about the wings? No, it's definitely not a horse, horses don't fly. It's gotta be some kind of hawk."

Clive made a derisive sound. "Ever seen a hawk with four legs and hooves, Tommy?"

Tommy rolled his eyes. "Ever seen a horse with wings and the head of a bird?" he countered testily.

Clive finally took his eyes from the sky and the flying creature to look at his friend, who also lowered his gaze when he realized Clive was watching him. His friend grinned widely. "That Paddy is up for some payback next week. What do you say, mate?"

Tommy blinked in confusion. "What, why?"

This time it was Clive's turn to roll his eyes. "Obviously Paddy has played some kind of prank on us. Obviously he thought he was being funny. Obviously we're hallucinating. You don't _actually_ believe that there's a bird-like horse flying over our heads, now do you?"

It took Tommy a moment to understand what Clive was talking about. But after shooting him a clueless stare which lasted for about a minute, something finally clicked. He gasped. "He put something in out drinks!"

"Exactly," Clive nodded earnestly. "And that, my friend, is something that should not go by unpunished."

"Right. Right…" Tommy nodded slowly. "Well, we have a whole week to think about how we're going to make old Paddy pay."

"Indeed," Clive replied with a wicked grin on his face, and he looked at the sky once more. The flying creature was still there. "Have a good one, weird horselike-bird that you are!" he bellowed at the sky, pretending to be shooting the creature down with a rifle before looking back down at his friend and grinned. "Come my friend, it's about time we woke up the misses."

Tommy nodded once again and, after shooting one last look at the sky, he put his arm around Clive's shoulder and walked on. "Proud Edward's army…" he sang after hiccupping loudly, and waited patiently for Clive to join in: "And sent him homeward," they sang together. "Tae think again!"

The two men resumed their merry saunter down the meandering road while continuing to sing happily. They were long gone from sight when their waffling voices finally stopped disturbing the peace in the idyllic Scottish country sight.

* * *

In the meantime, the odd-looking creature right above Clive and Tommy's heads was ascending the sky. Not by his own accord, but because a thin man on his back was urgently driving him upwards. "Come on, Buckbeak," the man called Sirius Black said. He spoke in a hoarse voice that sounded as though he had long ago lost the habit of using it. "We have to get up even higher, for now we are still visible to Muggle eyes."

Sirius pulled the rope on the Hippogriff's neck as gently as he could. He did not want to hurt Buckbeak, but it was crucial that they got up higher in the sky, and fast. It was bad enough to have Dementors and the Ministry of Magic chasing after him, and he couldn't use to also be charged with revealing the existence of wizards and magical creatures to the Muggle world. "Up, Buckbeak. Up!"

The Hippogriff obediently rose a little more and when they soared into a big cloud and out of sight, Sirius felt he could breathe freely again for the first time since he had left the surroundings of Hogwarts. He looked down and watched the dark Scottish scenery flash by underneath him, enjoying the cool rush of wind blowing through his long and untangled hair. He was just trying to think about how much more South they were supposed to go to remain safe when there was a burst of flame in the sky, right next to him and Buckbeak. It continued to burn and seemed to be flying along with him and after a moment of hesitation, Sirius extended his hand. The very second he touched the flame, it extinguished. He was now holding a letter and a Phoenix's feather in his hand; a red and golden feather. Sirius frowned. He only knew one Phoenix with red and golden feathers. Could this be from… He hastily unfolded the small letter and, as Buckbeak flew on, read:

_Sirius,_

_Fly to the cave on the eastside of the tall mountain near Hogsmeade.  
You will be safe there. Wait for my arrival. You will not regret it._

_-Albus_

Sirius reread the letter four times and _still_ couldn't make any sense of it. Fly back to Hogwarts? Practically handing himself to the Dementors and be done with it? Going back there would be nothing more than a suicide mission. What was Dumbledore going on about? Sirius stared ahead, frowning as he tried to find a reason for Dumbledore to make him fly back to the danger zone. Was he expecting Sirius to fetch Remus from the Forbidden Forest? Give a statement to Fudge and beg for forgiveness?

Sirius grinded his teeth in frustration: never, he would rather die than try to explain to the Ministry that he had been framed by one of his oldest friends. However, it was impossible to block out a tiny spark of hope when his thoughts shifted to Peter. Would Dumbledore have managed to catch the little rat? Would this be it, then? Was he finally going to be cleared from all charges, released from the shame for a terrible crime he did not commit? He would be able to walk around freely again, be a good godfather to Harry and raise him like his own son, just like James made him promise a few days before he died. After another moment, Sirius made up his mind. He put the letter in the pocket of his robes, tugged the rope on Buckbeak's neck and made the animal change course. "We're making a little detour," Sirius explained to the Hippogriff while patting its neck. "Don't worry, I won't let anything happen to you."

* * *

It took them another two hours to reach Hogsmeade. Thankfully there was not a Dementor or Auror in sight and Sirius made it safely to Dumbledore's cave. He took Buckbeak inside and made the Hippogriff lie down in a nice spot near the back. He then walked to the entrance and stared out over Hogsmeade. He could still remember the time when he was walking around there as a young guy; playing pranks on Snape with his friends or having a good time with one the many girls he had dated. Sirius blinked repeatedly while trying to fight off the sudden image of a smiling girl with long brown hair and extraordinary blue eyes. He would not, could not think about her. He had learned to live with the gruesome truth long ago: Mary Woods and her daughter had been captured and murdered by Death Eaters on the same night James and Lily Potter died and he, Sirius, had failed to fulfil his promise and protect them from any harm.

Sirius had made the crucial mistake by leaving them behind on that fateful Halloween to check on James, Lily and Harry. They had all been killed and there was nothing he could do about it, but thoughts on them or his best friends felt like a stake was being stabbed through his heart; Azkaban had intensified those feelings even more, and it didn't take Sirius long to realize that pushing back thoughts on his loved ones was the only way to endure the daily torture of the Dementors. Twelve years… That's how long Sirius had had to deal with these foul creatures, but no more: he had escaped Azkaban and would never go back. Not that they would even let him get that far… Sirius was not stupid; he knew all too well that, if the Dementors or the Ministry got hold of him again, a far worse fate would await him: the Dementor's Kiss. Sirius shuddered. He would have been worse than dead right now if it hadn't been for Harry and his friends.

Harry. Harry Potter: the boy was even more like his father than Sirius could have ever expected. Not only was he the spitting image of his dad, but he seemed to be just as courageous. Only thirteen years old and already fighting off a hundred Dementors with the Patronus Charm. Sirius smiled. James would have been glowing with pride if he knew. He was just making a mental note to himself to tell Harry that one day when he heard a soft pop. He turned back and found himself looking at Albus Dumbledore, who was smiling at him. A smile Sirius did not return, who was eyeing the Hogwarts Headmaster suspiciously when he said: "You made it back and right on time. I knew you would, well done."

Sirius leaned back against the cold wall. "And why exactly did you make me return here, Albus? You may be interested in hearing that I had almost crossed the border of England when I got your letter."

"Hmm," Dumbledore nodded, sitting down on one of the rocks. "Impressive. I never knew you were this good at handling magical creatures, Sirius."

"Hagrid showed me and James a few tricks from time to time. But you better have a good reason for making me fly back here. What if I would have encountered some Dementors on the way?

"The Dementors have all returned to Azkaban," Dumbledore said and Sirius could detect a note of anger in the Headmaster's voice. It was a well known fact he was not fond of those creatures, to say the least. After another moment, he smiled and gestured to the rock opposite of him. "But I do have a valid reason for making you come back. Why won't you come and sit down?"

"I'm fine right here," Sirius replied shortly, crossing his arms. "What is this about? Did you manage to arrest Peter after I left?"

Dumbledore shook his head. "Unfortunately not. But I would like to talk more about what happened on the night James and Lily died."

"I already told you everything there is to know."

"Indeed you have," Dumbledore said, nodding. "But this time it is my turn to talk. I really suggest you sit down, though, because this information will not be easy to take in."

Sirius narrowed his eyes. "If it's that important, why didn't you tell me this during our conversation in the tower?"

"Because we didn't have much time then and I needed to hear every detail from your side of the story to come up with a plan that could set you free. And we, or should I say Harry and Miss Granger, succeeded in doing that."

Sirius couldn't prevent a smile crossing his face at the thought of his godson. "And I'll be eternally grateful to them. Is this about Harry?"

"No. It is about someone else dear to you."

"Who?"

"Mary."

Sirius stared at him. "What?"

"There is something you need to know," the Headmaster explained. "Now if you would just sit d-"

"-No."

"Alright, if you are that sure you don't want to sit down… What do you think happened to Mary?"

"I said no, Albus!" Sirius called a lot more forcefully than he had intended. "Don't…"

"Sirius…"

"_Don't_ talk about her."

He turned around and was once again staring over Hogsmeade. Dumbledore put his elbows on his knees and thoughtfully folded his fingers before touching his crooked nose. "I know you loved Mary, Sirius, but-"

Sirius wheeled around and shot him a furious look. His grey eyes seemed to burn in their sockets when he growled: "What part about the word "no" do you not understand?"

Dumbledore closed his eyes for a moment. "I know this is difficult, but it is crucial that you listen to what I have to say. You think you know what happened, but things may not be what they seem. If you knew the whole story…"

Sirius was trying harder than ever to block out all sorts of unwanted images from his mind: Mary flirtatiously feeding him Sugarquills on the leather couch in the Common Room, Mary as a bridesmaid standing next to Lily, Mary handing Erin over to him while simultaneously trying to take a photo of the three of them… "Not interested," he said through gritted teeth, snapping his eyes shut.

Dumbledore shot him a thoughtful look before conjuring a large bottle of mead, two glasses and a bowl of mixed nuts and putting it down on the ground. He poured himself a glass while saying: "Didn't you wish Harry would hear your side of the story earlier tonight? And weren't you overwhelmed with relief when he decided to at least listen to what you had to say?"

Sirius's eyes dropped to the bottle of mead in Dumbledore's hands. "Yeah, so?"

Dumbledore took a handful of nuts and chewed thoughtfully before swallowing them and saying: "You might want to consider following his lead, Sirius. Thirteen years old he may be, but tonight Harry proved he is more mature than you."

He said nothing and tried to let Dumbledore's words get through to him. He was still angry with the Headmaster for bringing up the subject of Mary and Erin, but he had to agree that it wouldn't hurt to follow his godson's example. It wasn't like he had anything to lose. He made his way over to Dumbledore and sat down. The Headmaster poured him a generous amount of mead before he said: "Can you tell me what happened to Mary?"

Sirius sighed and tiredly rubbed his brow. "She and Erin got killed on the same night James and Lily died," he said at last.

The Headmaster nodded. "Of course, that is what Crouch told you."

"Right before he sent me off to Azkaban without a trial. He told me that Mary and Erin had been kidnapped and were probably already dead. The Ministry could not prove that I had anything to do with their disappearance, but refused to give me updates on their whereabouts. I didn't hear anything for weeks, until one prisoner with outdoor connections told me that their deaths had been confirmed a few days ago by Ray Matthews of the Auror Office."

"Exactly," Dumbledore nodded. "I remember giving Ray this order, even though their bodies were never found."

He frowned. "Why in Merlin's name would you say that?"

"Because I promised Mary I would take care of things."

Sirius choked on his mead. "You _what_?"

"Like I said, things may not always be what they seem."

"I don't understand." He ran a hand through his long and untangled hair. "What… What does this mean?"

"It means Mary and Erin are still alive."

Sirius nearly dropped his glass of mead. He was unable to say anything, even understand what Dumbledore had just said. He had heard the words, but it was like they had been spoken in a different language. Mary was alive? How was that possible? Shock and disbelief were rapidly altering each other in his mind, but they were soon joined by a darker feeling: anger. If this was true, if Mary was somehow still alive, then why had she left him? She had not once visited him in Azkaban, and Sirius knew her well enough to know she wouldn't have done that. Or at least he thought he did. All this time he had been staring at the Headmaster's face, but now he finally cleared his throat. "What…? How? And where are they now?"

Dumbledore smiled sadly. "Before we get to that point, I'll have to explain the whole story. You do recall the moment you left your house to pay a visit to Godic's Hollow?"

Sirius nodded stiffly. "Yes."

"Well, not long after you left Mary and Erin, they were attacked by Death Eaters who were trying to come up with a way to revive Voldemort. They apparated in the living room of the house. Luckily Mary was upstairs with Erin at that moment and could disapparate to bring your daughter to safety. She went to Alastor's house at first, but he wasn't home. Nor was Remus or Peter. In the end, Mary decided to come to Hogwarts. A wise decision, but I was on my way to James and Lily and told her to wait for my return in my office. She did not know what happened in Godric's Hollow earlier that night and I did not want to tell her about it any sooner than I had to. Mind you, at that time I was still convinced you had been the traitor. And… Yes?"

Sirius had opened his mouth, but no words were coming out. So instead he just ushered Dumbledore to continue. "I returned to Hogwarts after I had delivered Harry to the Dudleys. Mary was a bundle of nerves; pacing up and down the office. She looked terrified, said the portraits had been whispering about the downfall of Voldemort at the cost of a young family. I had no choice but to tell her the truth, or what I thought was the truth…"

He could vividly imagine a stressed Mary pacing around Dumbledore's office. "How did she react?"

Dumbledore shot him a long look. "She was in a state of shock, had trouble believing what you had done to your friends, to _her_. She just didn't understand."

Sirius nodded slowly. He could see that the idea of him betraying the entire Order would freak her out, but he still didn't understand how she and Erin could have vanished without a trace. "But where did she go, then?"

Dumbledore refilled both their glasses with mead. "It is essential that you're aware of the fact that Mary did not want to run away, Sirius. I made her do it. In fact, I practically forced her."

"Why?"

The Headmaster sighed. "At the time I believed it would be dangerous for her to remain where she was." He shot Sirius a look. "I assume you know what happened to Frank and Alice Longbottom?"

"They were tortured into insanity. Yes, I know. But what has that to do with Mary?"

"If I am not mistaken – and I rarely am -, the same fate would have awaited her if she didn't leave. In fact, she would not have been okay if those Death Eaters had managed to capture her that night, or a few weeks later."

"So?"

"So," Dumbledore continued, "I forced her to take Erin and leave the country."

"And go where?"

"Brazil," the Headmaster said simply.

Sirius stared at him. Mary had been living all those years in the tropical paradise called _Brazil_? Dumbledore, interpreting his shocked gaze correctly, took another sip of mead and said: "I only made her go to Brazil because I knew she would be safe there.'

"But freaking South-America? Why, Albus!?"

Dumbledore shot him a close look. "I'm fairly certain Sean Zabini has mentioned his numerous adventures in Brazil at least once."

Sirius couldn't prevent a snort from escaping his throat. "_Mention once_? More like reciting his adventures over and over again in class. James and I used make fun of him whenever he got going again."

Dumbledore chuckled. "Understandable. Sean could get eh… a little carried away sometimes."

Sirius smiled, remembering their kind Professor and valuable Order-member who had died a gruesome death, before his thoughts returned to Mary. He had still trouble trying to get his head around the fact that the only girl he ever loved wasn't dead. "What does Zabini have to with Brazil?"

"He's a celebrated wizard around northeast coast of that country, Sirius. He managed to chase down practically every dark wizard in the region. Zabini had only just graduated as an Auror when he assisted in fighting Grindelwald. He wasn't the only one. This pre-Order of the Phoenix existed of a small group of people. One of the others was Roberto Alvarez, who had travelled down from Brazil to teach Defense of the Dark Arts at Hogwarts. He left after one year, but stayed in Europe to help finding a way to defeat Grindelwald. When, as you probably know, I succeeded in 1945, Roberto moved back to Brazil."

Sirius shot him a bemused look. "I still don't get what that has to do with Mary."

"Roberto bought a ranch in a small wizarding village with the Galleons he earned while working at Hogwarts. Sean followed him about six months later. Together they raised a commune of people with different skills; some can work magic with horses and all sorts of magical creatures, others are great at brewing special potions with the herbs they cultivate on the fields near the ocean."

"That's all wonderful, but what does that have to do with-"

"-Roberto also offers his ranch as a shelter to refugees from abroad," Dumbledore cut him off calmly. "You see, he knows the consequences of living in times of war. He offers the victims food and a roof over their heads and they pay him back by working on the ranch."

"And… _That's_ where Mary is right now?"

Dumbledore nodded. "Nor she, nor Roberto, gave the impression she has moved in the meantime. You should know that she was considering it, though, right after she learned about your escape."

He lifted his eyebrows in surprise. "You write to each other that often?"

"On the contrary," the Headmaster said as he got up and headed over to Buckbeak. He bowed and, when the Hippogriff had bowed back, gently stroke its feathery neck. "Mary and I agreed to only have contact by owl when the matter was concerning you."

Sirius got up as well and scratched his chin thoughtfully. "Hang on, but does she actually think I would chase her and Erin down to finish the job I started twelve and a half years ago?"

Dumbledore turned to look at him. "Twelve years is a long time to come to terms with a murderous ex-boyfriend, Sirius."

Sirius put his hands in his pockets and shrugged moodily. Dumbledore could drivel all he wanted, but that Mary could as much as think he would ever betray her of their friends was beyond him. "Now what?"

"I suggest you take a trip to a rather sunny country in South-America. Harry will be safe over the Summer and you can write him from your holiday address. I am somewhat envious to tell you the truth. Britain hardly ever gets tropical Summers."

Dumbledore's was guiding Buckbeak back to the entrance of the cave, but Sirius did not move. "But what about Mary? How…"

"I wrote her an owl over an hour ago. Don't worry about Roberto. Mary will tell him the truth and he will give you a chance to stay with the commune. He is very fond of her, or so I've been told." He turned around. "It's time to go, Sirius. I realize it's a lot to ask after everything that has happened, but I have already asked for your forgiveness, and I need you to trust me one more time."

Sirius stared at the Headmaster for a moment. He had not forgotten about telling Dumbledore that he was forgiving him, but in all honesty, he was still resenting that old man. And now he was supposed to travel all the way to Brazil and face a woman who - he was unable to see it differently – left him on his own when he had needed her the most?

"Sirius," Dumbledore said calmly. "You should go. The longer you stay, the more dangerous it gets. The sun has already started to rise. Before I forget, the village is called Arraial d'Ajuda."

Sirius slowly walked over to him. Was he really doing this? After he had climbed onto Buckbeak's back and the Headmaster was wishing him a good journey, he felt a strange kind of curiosity rise up in his chest. "Albus…" he began hesitantly.

"Yes, Sirius?"

"What was in the letter you wrote to Mary? What did it say?"

The Headmaster's blue eyes were twinkling briefly before he said: "That she was right, and that I have been wrong all along."

Sirius shot him a puzzled look and he smiled. "Mary refused to accept you would ever betray her, or James and Lily. She probably always believed that you simply aren't capable of committing such a crime. In her heart she never did."

And with that, Dumbledore gave Buckbeak a gentle tap on the back and the calm Hippogriff started momentarily before taking off. This time Sirius didn't waste any time and forced Buckbeak to rise as quickly as possible. Soon enough they had disappeared in a thick cloud and the Hippogriff was flying at full speed. Sirius made sure he was holding on to Buckbeak with all his might. He realized he might be hurting the animal a bit, but at least the feathers he was gripping felt real and reassured that he wasn't dreaming. The confusing thoughts swirling around in his head were making him dizzy; he had not forgotten Dumbledore's last words. His angry and frustrated thoughts with Mary had subsided somewhat. If what Dumbledore said was true: if she never truly believed he had betrayed them…

Sirius found himself wondering what Mary looked like by now. Would she still have that long hair and would the Brazilian sun have made her look tanned, dotting her face with countless tiny freckles? With another pleasurable jolt his stomach, Sirius thoughts shifted to Erin. His darling baby girl had not been killed after all. She would be about twelve years old right now. He was suddenly wishing he could see both his girls right now, but he was still torn on the inside. It was impossible to predict what he would feel if he was standing in front of them. On one hand he was still furious with Mary for leaving him, even though a small voice in his head was trying to remind him of a certain agreement they had made right before James and Lily died. But on the other, he was positively aching to hold her again, kiss her, ran his hands through her hair, make love to her... If only he knew what to do when he finally would be facing her… Because what do you tell someone who you had thought to be dead for all those years?

-End of Update-

**A/N: I'm looking to hear (or read, more like) what you guys think about this. Let me know! -Mara**


	2. One: End Of The World As We Know It

**Author's note: **Hello all. Next chapter is up. And I already told some of you, but yeah... We're jumping back in time to see how Mary takes the awful news. I need to tell her story first (I think it's interesting enough) before I can get to the part where she and Sirius meet again. I hope everyone will the Sirius-less story part as much as I enjoy writing it. I hope you like this chapter and please don't forget to leave a review when you drop by. Lurking is silver, but leaving a comment is gold! Thanks!

**Dedication: **GiddyGirlie, for updating her amazing story The Taming of Sirius three times in one week.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything. Just my OC's and they are with many in this story.

**One: End Of The World As We Know It**

_Twelve years earlier…_

There were an awful lot of odd-looking instruments in Dumbledore's office. Mary had always known the Headmaster of Hogwarts had many magical tools, that was not the point, but even though she had been in this room several times before, she never noticed how many of them were actually there. There were four odd-shaped ones on his wooden desk alone, made of tin as far as she could tell. Now it wasn't that Mary had taken a sudden interest in mysterious magical instruments, but one tends to study the surroundings when they are left alone somewhere, and Mary was doing just that.

However, staring at instruments or the many books lying around in Dumbledore's office did not make Mary feel much better. In fact, she was still scared out of her mind. She had been pacing around the room for an hour before she could force herself to sit down in one of the arm chairs instead, but her urge to move was now being expressed in her fingers nervously drumming on the arms of the chair. If only Dumbledore hadn't left her behind like this. He had picked her up at the front gate, brought her straight to his office and told her to stay put while he was going to take care of something. In all honesty, it felt like he was trying to get rid of her as soon as possible. Mary frowned. It was all very odd indeed. It was nothing like Dumbledore to be so… so rude.

Mary suddenly heard a quiet sound behind her and turned around in her seat. Erin was yawning hugely, still resting in the basket Mary had conjured right after Dumbledore left. She couldn't help but smile when her daughter continued to snooze peacefully afterwards. It hadn't always been like that. In fact, this was the first time that night Erin finally seemed ready to sleep. It was hard to imagine a peaceful baby like that wailing uncontrollably, but she had done just that. Not that Mary could blame her; disapparating four times within fifteen minutes would make anyone go queasy and to do an Apparation with a baby in your arms… Not the best way to go. But she had no choice; apparating like that had been the only way to shake off the Death Eaters.

Mary was still shaking with fear and shock when she thought back of how those servants of Voldemort had apparated right into their house. Luckily Mary was upstairs at that moment, trying to get Erin to sleep. She heard something crash below, froze and – listening more closely – heard urgent whispering and caught the terms "Mudblood" and "Finish her off." Mary drew her wand (she made a mental note to thank Sirius later for telling her to always carry her wand while he was away), but realized she wouldn't stand a chance against three or four Death Eaters. So she decided to make a run for it instead. She picked up a restless Erin, wrapped her in a soft blanket and – right when she could hear someone coming up the stairs – disapparated to Mad-Eye Moody's house.

But the Auror wasn't home. Nor was Remus. Or Peter. Mary started to freak out slightly when she was standing of their friend's door, wondering where in Merlin's name everyone was. She forced herself to reason that apparating to different places that quickly had been the most clever thing to do (even though Erin seemed to disagree): it would be quite the challenge to track them down now. But she also realized that they couldn't stay in front of Peter's door either. "Hush sweetie," she told Erin soothingly. "We have only one more stop to make." For Mary knew where to go. Her first thought had been to go to James and Lily's place and find Sirius, but that would lead the Death Eaters to Godric's Hollow and that was the last thing Mary wanted. Instead, she decided to go to Hogwarts; she and Erin would be safe at school, and they could wait for Sirius there.

The instant Mary and a now hysterically crying Erin materialized next to the gates of Hogwarts, Mary sent a Patronus to Dumbledore. She watched the Dalmatian dog disappear in the stormy night. It did not take the Headmaster long to come down and get them. He was wearing his travelling cloak and looked troubled, _very_ concerned. He guided them straight to his office. They did not meet any teachers or Filch on the way and Mary got the impression Dumbledore looked somewhat relieved. He turned to leave the minute they stepped out of the gargoyle. Mary had asked him if something happened, but he ignored the question and made her promise to stay in the office instead before disapparating with a soft pop.

That was over two hours ago. Dumbledore still hadn't returned and Mary was feeling more concerned by the minute. She sighed and walked over to the window to stare out over the lake. There was the large beech tree where she, Lily and Brice and the guys had spent many hours; studying or just hanging out together. Those happy times seemed a million light years away. They were in the middle of a war now; James and Lily hiding from Voldemort in Godric's Hollow, the Death Eaters-attack on her and Erin earlier only a few hours ago…

Mary suddenly noticed the portraits of the former Headmasters had started to whisper frantically. She listened more closely while pretending she was still staring out of the window and soon realized they were talking about Voldemort, who apparently had disappeared. Mary turned around to see which portraits were talking. Only two of them were actually saying something, the rest was just listening tentatively. "They say it's all been done and taken care of," an old woman with long silver ringlets was saying excitedly. "You-know-who is no more!"

"But how?" Armando Dippet, who had been Headmaster before Dumbledore, asked incredulously. "It was said he was invincible after all."

"Well, apparently he wasn't."

"But this is good news, Dilys!"

"Not everything has gone well. They're saying You-know-who's defeat has come at the cost of a young family."

That was one thing too much for Mary to take. "Excuse me," she said and paused in front of Dilys Derwent's portrait. "What exactly happened to Voldemort?"

Every portrait in the office made a hissing sound; some of the wizards were shuddering in their frames and Mary was sure they would have fallen off the wall if that had been possible. "My dear!" Dilys cried, looking appalled. "You do _not_ speak his name!"

Mary shrugged. "I can't see why not, considering he's dead. Or at least, that's what you were saying, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"So?"

Dilys arched her eyebrows. "So what?"

"How did it happen?" she asked anxiously, biting one of her nails. "I did catch something about the death of a young family…"

"Yes, well… I'm not quite sure. It's St. Mungo's, you know, and they are saying a lot these days."

Mary now remembered where she had seen the portrait of Dilys before: in the lobby of the hospital she was crossing every day on her way to work. "Well then, you need to return and find out as much as you can! Will you go back there?"

Several portraits made a reproachful sound and Mary could hear one of them hiss: "Mudbloods… Filfthy of blood _and_ manners." Dylis on the other hand, shot Mary a curious look. "I'm sorry to inform you, dear, but you are in no position to give me an order."

"Will you go back there, _please_?"

A small smile played around the old woman's lips. "I'll see what I can do."

* * *

The office went back to being quiet after Dylis had left. The only noise was coming from Mary, who was feverishly pacing up and down the room. Voldemort had been defeated, which was the best news she had heard in days, but it had been at the cost of a young family. She thought of James and Lily. What if…? No, she forced herself to think: they and Harry were all safe in Godric's Hollow. But Mary couldn't silence a terse voice inside telling her James and Lily were not fine at all. She couldn't explain why, it was just a feeling. Something had gone terribly wrong, she just knew it. Mary was still pacing around the office when she heard someone stepping through the gargoyle.

It was Dumbledore. And Mary hadn't thought it possible, but he looked even worse than before. Tired, discouraged and grieved. This wasn't exactly a reassuring sight. She waited for him to say something, and after another moment, he nodded at her. "You stayed."

Mary shot him a curious look. "Err… You told me to stay here while you were away."

He smiled sadly and took off his travelling cloak. "I would not have put it past you to draw your own plan."

"Yes. Well, I did anything I could from inside this room." Dumbledore didn't respond to that and Mary could not take anymore. "Albus, the portraits…" she started hesitantly. "They have been saying that Voldemort has been defeated. Is… Is that true? Is he really gone?"

Dumbledore shot her a look. "He has vanished without a trace, yes. Although I do think it would be too premature to say he is dead." He put his cloak down on a chair and rested his hand on it for a while, lost in thought. At last he looked up. "You better sit down, Mary. There is something I need to tell you."

There was an odd combination of finality and grief in his quiet voice and Mary walked back to her chair with shaking knees. Dumbledore waited until she had sat down and was about to start talking when something else occurred to her. "Where's Sirius? I thought you would bring him back here with you. I haven't seen him for hours. Do you know where he is?"

"No," Dumbledore said after a pause. "I don't."

"I'm really concerned about him. And he… He must be back at our place by now and is worrying sick about me and Erin-"

"-I sincerely doubt that," Dumbledore interrupted her. His blue eyes had turned almost cold at the mention of Sirius and Mary's stomach gave an unpleasant lurch.

"What is going on?"

Dumbledore didn't answer immediately. "Did Dylis mention who have been killed?"

"No… Why?"

"I am so sorry, but the young family people are talking about are James and Lily."

Mary stared at him. Deep down inside she had already suspected it was about Lily and James, but to have her fears confirmed like this was something else. "What? But how is that even possible? The Secret-Keeper would have…"

"You knew about the Fidelius Charm?" he asked, frowning at her.

"Only that they were going to name someone. They were considering Sirius, but he…"

"Volunteered for the job," Dumbledore finished coldly.

"What?" she asked, feeling dazed. "No, he didn't. He was trying to find a way and protect us all. But James... And Lily…" Her voice had started to wobble. "Oh God, Lily!"

Tears were streaming down her cheeks and she clapped her hands in front of her eyes. The idea of her closest friends having been killed by Voldemort was just surreal; she had trouble believing it, processing this gruesome piece of information. She was never going to be able to talk to Lily again. Dumbledore said nothing and let her cry, doing nothing but conjuring some tissues. "I Ju-hust don't… understand," she stammered while wiping her eyes, which was useless because more tears were already flowing down her cheeks. "H-how did this happen?"

Dumbledore conjured a bottle of Firewhiskey and poured them both a glass. "The Secret-Keeper was in fact the traitor of the Order we have been trying to track down for years, but he was good… Exceptionally good at hiding who he really was. He broke the Fidelius Charm by informing his master of James and Lily's whereabouts. Voldemort travelled to Godric's Hollow earlier tonight. I don't think James or Lily ever stood a real chance."

Mary had clapped her hand in front of her mouth. "Did they suffer much?"

The Headmaster shook his head. "From what we've seen, they were killed with the Avada Kedavra-curse."

"But that's just as horrible… Do you have any idea who the Secret-Keeper is? He should be chucked into Azkaban till the end of time!"

"I do."

"Who?"

He shot her a close look. "Mary, you have to understand-"

"-I know it had to be someone close to James and Lily, someone in the Order. So who is it? I want to know."

"It's… Mary, the traitor is Sirius."

Mary blinked. Surely she was hearing this wrong? Sirius the traitor of the Order? The thought alone was ridiculous. A nervous giggle escaped her throat. "Sirius betraying James and Lily? But Albus, that is just absurd! James is like a brother to him. He would never- You know him!"

"I thought I did," he said grimly.

"No!" Mary said as she jumped to her feet, waking Erin up in the process who started to cry. "No, you've got this all wrong. Sirius was _not_ their Secret-Keeper."

"He was, Mary."

"Says who?"

"Sirius," the Headmaster replied. "He told me himself in this very office one week ago."

Mary dropped her arms by her sides in shock. "No… But he promised… Sirius told me he had a plan…"

"And what a plan he did have."

Dumbledore's eyes had dropped to a loudly crying Erin and he was shooting Mary a meaningful look. But she was too busy freaking out to calm her baby at the moment. "Listen to what you are saying!" she cried out desperately, pulling a hand through her hair. "According to you Sirius is a Death Eater?"

"He's fooled us all," Dumbledore said as he got up from his seat as well, only to pick up Erin and start comforting her.

"Can I see him, then? I need to talk to him, I'm one hundred percent sure he can explain what happened."

"It's pretty clear what happened, Mary."

"But Albus, a _Death Eater_? You know how Sirius feels about the ways of the Blacks. And he thinks of James as his closest family, probably even more than Erin and me! And…" She was running out of thoughts. "He's not a Death Eater. I know he's not."

Dumbledore was gently patting a restless Erin on the back in an attempt to calm her down. "Mary listen," he repeated patiently. "You're in a state of shock and it's only reasonable that you are, but-"

"-And ha! There's _no_ Dark Mark on his arm!" she called, shooting him a triumphant look.

"Not every servant of Voldemort is marked with a Dark Mark."

"But any servant who could give him the location of the Potters would definitely _earn_ a mark like that, wouldn't he?"

Erin had finally calmed down and Dumbledore put her back in the basket before turning back to Mary. "Why do you think those Death Eaters were at your house?"

She stared at him. Certainly he wasn't suggesting… "Sirius knowingly left you behind to see if he could help Voldemort in Godric's Hollow," Dumbledore said. "He knew about the Death Eaters coming to your house."

A fresh wave of tears was trickling down her cheeks. "No, that's not true," she whispered, feeling more powerless by the minute. Dumbledore's reasoning didn't make any sense. "He told me to stay at home until he had come back, made me promise to not open the door to anyone."

"Of course he didn't want you to open the door. What if someone had come down to warn or help you? And didn't you say the Death Eaters apparated right in your living room?"

"Yes, but…"

"Mary, if everything had gone according to Voldemort's plan tonight, you and Erin would have been killed as well."

Mary didn't know what to say to that. She may still be believing Sirius had not betrayed James and Lily, but she was beginning to realize that she could never convince Dumbledore of that matter. And if he – with all his ways of seeing the best in people – would not even believe her, than who else would? "Can I go home?" she asked, massaging her temples.

Dumbledore had sat down and shot her a worried look. "That might be too dangerous. I don't think you can go home for quite some time. Death Eaters will want to know what went wrong at Godric's Hollow and after they're done with Sirius, they will come looking for you again."

Mary had started to feel sincerely scared now. If Dumbledore didn't think she could go home without being attacked again… "Okay, if you say so. What about my parent's house, then?"

He shook his head. "It would engager the lives of both your mother and father."

"Then where the hell am I supposed to go?!"

"I will help you."

Mary made a scornful sound. "Oh, sure. And I suppose you can make me and Erin disappear from the face of the earth just like that?"

She had snapped her fingers, but for the first time that night, there was the ghost of a smile flashing across Dumbledore's face. "Something like that."

Mary tried to figure out what he meant, but was unable to work it out. Dumbledore, reading the question mark over her head, said: "There is a commune that will offer you and Erin a shelter. You can stay there as long as you want and build a new life with your child."

"Where-"

"-The commune is part of a small wizarding village in Brazil. They live and work on a ranch. You won't be the only European refugee. I already wrote an owl to their leader. He doesn't know everything about your situation, but will be awaiting your arrival. And, concerning your disappearance of this evening, I will take care of the rest."

"Brazil?" Mary asked after a long pause.

"Yes."

"That's too far," she said resolutely. "I understand that I need to flee the country, but I'm not leaving Europe. I'll move to Ireland or... or the Netherlands or France for all I care. But as long as Sirius might need me, I won't go far."

"The further you go, the harder will it be for Death Eaters to track you down. And with all due respect, Mary: Sirius is no longer your primary concern. You have to let him go. Think of Erin. Sirius told me about the agreement you made together, should anything happen to one of you?"

"Yes." Mary was staring at her hands, her voice barely more than a whisper.

"Now is the time to live up to that. You must bring Erin to safety. And you'll be safe in Brazil."

Mary looked up into the Headmaster's eyes. She knew she could trust this man, even now that everything else seemed lost. Lily was dead and so was James. She couldn't go to her parents or Jenna. And no one knew where Sirius was… Everything she had ever cared about was gone, she had nothing left. Nothing, except Erin. Mary looked at the basket: Dumbledore was right. Her prior responsibility was to look after their daughter. "Okay," she whispered.

The Headmaster nodded and got up from his seat. He walked over to the fireplace and ushered Mary to join him. "You will travel by Floo Powder on the inter-continental line. The journey will take about an hour, and I strongly advise to keep your eyes closed the entire time. I once opened them on my way down there, started slightly and instead of Brazil, ended up in the fireplace of Che Guevara."

Mary arched an eyebrow. "_The_ Che Guevara, sir?"

He chuckled. "Yes. I had a lot of explaining to do before I could disapparate out of there."

She smiled back, but felt the smile freeze on her face after just a few seconds. "But Lily and James… Their funerals. Who-?"

"I'm sure Remus and Peter will take care of that."

"But…" She gasped. Her thoughts had only just shifted to Harry. Harry, her unofficial godson. He was an orphan now. "Harry! What will happen to him?"

"He's in good hands," Dumbledore said reassuringly before adding thoughtfully: "Or at least I hope so."

Mary placed her chin on Erin's head, who had started whimpering again like she was getting the gist of what was about to happen, and rocked her gently. "But I promised Lily, Albus," she said, closing her eyes when a rush of pure guilt was washing over her. "I promised I would take care of her son if she died. Where is he?"

"With the only living relatives he has left: Lily's sister and her husband."

She looked aghast. "You gave him to _Petunia_?! But that awful woman always hated Lily, she will never be a good surrogate mother for Harry."

"I have my reasons to place him under their care, Mary. And knowing Lily, she'd probably want you to take care of Erin first."

"Okay," she nodded after another moment. She was feeling like she was being overburdened with information and felt bemused; it felt like all of this was a bad dream and she would wake up any minute now. But she had already agreed to Dumbledore's plan and knew there was no turning back: she was really going to do this.

Dumbledore held out a pot of Floo Powder and Mary grabbed a handful of the silvery sand. She was about to step into the fireplace when she turned back and asked: "I have no idea how to do this, but are we going to keep in touch or something?"

He shook his head. "I believe it would be wise to keep correspondence as limited as possible. Owls can be intercepted after all. And after tonight, you and Erin are no longer part of the British world. I will, however, promise to keep you informed about Sirius."

Mary nodded slowly. "I understand, but promise me one thing: I do realize you're the wisest wizard Britain has seen for centuries and are practically always right, but I simply refuse to – no, I _know_ that Sirius would never betray us, so… Should that theory turn out to be true some time in the future, do me a favour and write an owl in which you admit you've been wrong all along, okay?"

Dumbledore looked at her for a moment. Mary did not know exactly what she was reading in his eyes: was it a note of admiration, or mere pity? In the end, he just smiled. "Deal. Now, you'd better go. The address is: Arraial d'Ajuda."

Mary hoisted Erin a little firmer on her hip and stepped into the fireplace. She shot Dumbledore a last look. "See you. And well… Thanks, I guess."

"Farewell."

"Arraial d'Ajuda."

Mary dropped the Floo Powder and they were gone the next second. The last thing she saw were Dumbledore's sad blue eyes watching them go before she had to snap her eyes shut. She had taken the Headmaster's warning to heart and only opened her eyes over an hour later when she felt they were clearly slowing down. Right when she was trying to peek through her eyelashes, there was a sudden bump and they fell out of a tall black fireplace only a second later. Mary had to use all her strength and balance to not land on top of Erin, but she managed, and lay panting on her back on the floor for a moment. She was "shhhh"-ing Erin as she tried make out where they were. A nice and wide study room with a wooden floor, according to the tall desk and the many book cases in the corner of the room.

But no one was there. After another moment, Mary slowly crawled to her feet. "Hello?" she called hesitantly.

No answer. Mary was feeling dizzy and still somewhat bemused about everything that had happened, but besides that she was also feeling scared. Didn't Dumbledore say the leader of that commune would be waiting for her? There was not a soul in this room. Right when Mary started to fear she had opened her eyes too soon after all and ended up in Fidel Castro's study room instead, she heard people laughing from a room at the other end of the hall. She had just started to slowly make her way through the dim hallway, which was long and narrow and smelled of wood and herbs, when another door halfway the corridor opened. A dark, tall and broad-shouldered man stepped out. Mary's jaw dropped: her first thought was that she was looking at the reincarnation of Zabini, but that changed the minute the man opened his mouth. He was speaking in a heavy accent when he said: "You must be Mary Woods. Welcome to Rancho Borboleta."

- End of Chapter -

***** Song from the title: _End Of The World As We Know It_ by R.E.M.


	3. Two: Clean Getaway

**Author's note: **There will be a lot of explaining in this update. I hope you guys won't fall asleep wile reading, but there's a nice twist at the end!

**Dedication: **Lily-PotterKOOL and JessluvsHarry, because they have been such loyal reviewers for aaaaaaages. You guys rock!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything. Wish I did, though…

**Two: Clean Getaway**** ***

Mary followed Roberto to his study room. She had expected it to be that candlelit room with the fireplace where she had arrived, but the remarkable reticent man in front of her was instead guiding her and Erin to a different room at the other end of the dark corridor. This room was smaller than the other one, but lighter; the doors to a terrace were open and the cool wind was softly blowing through the curtains. Mary could almost taste the salty sea air from outside: it reminded her of the Summer holiday, except that there was nothing cheerful about tonight. On the bight side however, Erin seemed to have closed her eyes for good that night. Mary put the basket down on a soft brown couch at the back of the room before walking to the desk and sitting down in a dark brown arm chair.

All this time Roberto had not spoken a single word. He had just walked to a side table to get them some drinks. Mary watched him from the corner of her eyes and once again noticed how much he looked like Zabini. The same length and built, nose and hair style (very short): put together they could have been twin brothers. She was just starting to wonder if they could have been (distant) relatives when Roberto turned around. "What would you like to drink? Tea, juice or water?" After casting her another look, he added: "Or something stronger? I can imagine you could use one, after…"

Mary shot him a look and almost felt the need to start pouting. "Do I look that bad?"

Roberto did not reply. Instead he poured a clear-coloured liquid in two glasses, pulled his wand and added ice cubes by whispering _Glacius Tesella_. "No," he replied while putting the glass down in front of her and sitting down. "You don't _look_ terrible, but looks hardly ever reflect on how one is feeling on the inside."

Mary stared at him and frowned. She did not get this man. She hadn't known what to expect, but somewhere she had hoped to come face to face with a "twinkle-eyed" copy of Albus Dumbledore. Roberto was not unkind, on the contrary, but he lacked the certain warmth and gentleness of the Hogwarts Headmaster that made you feel at ease almost straight away. Mary wasn't feeling relaxed at all, not in the least place because Roberto's eyes were still fixed on her.

"Albus's owl arrived about ten minutes before you did," he elaborated after another long pause.

"Oh." Mary didn't know what else to say, sipped her drink and immediately pulled a face. It was an alcoholic drink that seemed to be a mix of rum, cinnamon and something else. It had a very strong and distinctive taste, but was relaxing to a certain extent.

"This drink takes some getting used to," Roberto said, noticing the disgusted look on her face. "It's a Brazilian wizarding drink, like you have… Firewhiskey, if I remember correctly. It is made of cachaca rum and is called Exquisito di Cinamomo. Cachaca is a typical Brazilian rum and is also used in several Muggle cocktails. You may have heard from-"

"-Caipirinha."

Roberto nodded. "Exactly. Now, drink it up. It will make you feel more at ease. You've been through a lot tonight, but I want you to know you'll be safe there. Whatever it is you're running from… You know, one does wonder why anyone would try to find refuge on the very same night you-know-who vanishes without a trace."

Mary looked up and met his curious gaze. She didn't even know where to begin if she was going to have to explain what happened and why she had come here. And then there was the part that didn't want to talk at all. Not tonight. She had hardly been given the chance to get used to the idea herself. The realization that James and Lily were killed, that Voldemort had been defeated, that she had been forced to leave her family behind and flee to Brazil, that Sirius was facing trial and possible lifelong sentence in Azkaban for a crime Mary didn't even know he was responsible for. It was all just too much to bear. She took another gulp of the drink and swallowed it with difficulty. "Didn't Albus tell you that in the letter?"

Roberto shook his head. "I assume he thought it best to leave that up to you. But I can see you're exhausted, so I will not be questioning you tonight. We shall talk about the ranch and our commune instead."

"Right…" Mary tiredly rubbed her eyes before she sighed. "What is this place?"

A rare smile crossed Roberto's face. He spent the next hour explaining about his time in Europe with Dumbledore and where he met Zabini, how the two of them founded "Rancho Borboleta" and the arrival of the first refugees. He explained that Zabini had left the ranch to return to England and become part of a secret organization called The Order of the Phoenix. He was just telling her that a few years later Zabini had been chosen to teach at Hogwarts when Mary gasped: "He was our DADA-teacher in seventh year! I remember him telling us all kinds of eh… heroic stories about his time in Brazil."

"Yes, Sean managed to roll up practically every dark wizard in the region."

"Dark wizards?" she said, looking confused. "But I thought you said this place was a shelter, free from any kind of Dark Magic?"

"Well, there may not be a Grindelwald or you-know-who around here, but we do have guerrilla wizards to stand up to once in a while."

She stared at him in horror. "Guerilla's? Are you saying that me and my baby won't be entirely safe in this commune? I mean, that's the reason we've come here in the first place and…" Her voice died away slowly at Roberto's disapproving glare.

"I guarantee that both you and your child will not be hurt when on the ranch and the right side of the village. If you cross over to the other side of town or into the jungle, well, then you're on your own."

"In other words: to remain safe, we'll be some kind of prisoners to you."

"Not really. You're free to go as you please as long as it doesn't interfere with your work on the ranch. We haven't been fighting guerilla's ever since Zabini went back to England. All I'm saying is that I won't be able to _guarantee_ your safety once you cross the border. If anything, your child couldn't be more safe from vindictive Death Eaters than on Borboleta."

"Well okay, is you say so," Mary said grudgingly. "Before you mentioned something about working on the ranch?"

"Indeed. It's a way to, how do you say…" he waved his hand around for inspiration, "to pay the rent. I offer you and your baby a place to stay, and in return you work on the ranch. Now, Dumbledore wrote that you are an exquisite Healer."

Mary blushed. She knew she was capable of succesfully healing her patients, but according to her she didn't have enough experience to already be called an excellent Healer. She shrugged modestly. "I'm doing alright, I suppose."

He nodded. "Fair enough. There happens to be a wizarding hospital in Arrail d'Ajuda. I'll let Carmalita know that our newest commune member is a trained Healer. Merlin knows she could use someone who can actually _Heal_ someone instead of poking out his eye."

She could not prevent a giggle from escaping her throat. "What poor soul did that happen to?"

"Me," Roberto said without a flicker of amusement. "It took the other Healers almost three days to recover my sight _and_ put the bloody eye back in its socket."

Mary managed to block out that repulsive image on time and tried to smile. "I'm looking forward to meeting Carmalita. I'd hate to give up Healing by coming here."

"I understand," he nodded. "So you can go and work part-time at the Alcaravia Hospital and spend the rest of the week on the ranch to help preparing the herbs and potions."

"Potions, sir?"

"Yes, Rancho Borboleta builds several magical herbs and animal products that are used in magical drafts all over the world. I believe we're also one of the main suppliers of St. Mungo's."

"But…" Mary hesitated. This was going to be a bit embarrassing to admit. "To be honest, brewing Potions is not my biggest talent. In fact, it's one of the reasons – despite thinking that working on one of the other departments would bore me to death - I specialized in Spell Damage."

"I see," Roberto said while scribbling something down on a piece of parchment. "But as a Healer you must have some basic knowledge of brewing drafts?"

"Some, but not much. Honestly sir, you wouldn't want me to wreck your precious herbs. And that's likely to happen one way or another; ask my best friend if you have to, she always says-"

Mary stopped talking mid-sentence. She had not realized she was rattling and had been talking about Lily. Lily, her best friend, who had been murdered only hours ago…

"You were friends with Lily Potter?" Roberto frowned at her. "I'm sorry for your loss."

She nodded briefly in reply, unable to speak as she wiped a tear from her eye.

"Well then," he continued as if she hadn't mentioned Lily and wasn't crying right in front of him, and she was grateful for that. "Forget the Potions. How are you with animals?"

"Good," Mary replied in a quiet voice. "My parents keep horses, so I grew up taking care of them."

Roberto's normally dark face had lit up at her mentioning the horses. "Really now? That's wonderful. No, perfect actually. One of caretakers has recently left the ranch and we were looking for someone who knows her way around tall animals. I'll let Fabio know."

He scribbled something else down on the parchment, but Mary, remembering Hagrid and thinking of dragons, cleared her throat. "You _are_ talking about horses, right?"

"Yes, horses. As well as cows, goats and some other horse-like creatures, such as Unicorns and Aethonons. Fabio will be particularly pleased to hand over the Unicorns. The caretaker I was talking about was the only girl and you know Unicorns don't have a thing for men. I don't think I have seen Fabio without bad bruises over the last months."

"Right… So eh, what will my main tasks be, then?"

"You will mostly be taking care of the horses. Feed them, train them, clean the stables and twice a year, you'll ride along with the rest of us to drive the herds of kettle up the mountain. It's hard work, I do realize that, but you also have those days when you work in the Hospital."

"But Erin… What about her? I have to take care of her."

"And you will," he said matter-of-factly. "As long as she's too young for school she'll be looked after by my wife Natalya, who's also taking care of our twins Diego and Guido. She'll also look after Erin while you're at work."

"And when Erin is old enough to go to school?"

"There's a primary school in the village. She won't be the only kid with magical powers. Diego and Guido will go there, too."

"And she'll be taught in…"

Roberto look surprised. "Portugese, of course. As well as English," he added right when Mary started to feel really worried. "It's an international school."

Mary leaned back in her chair for a moment and thought it over. It was better than nothing… Erin would be safe here, and so should she. Besides, she wasn't planning stay here long anyway. As soon as the threat of Death Eaters attacking Muggle-borns and their families out of spite had subsided a bit, she would return to England . Not that she was going to say anything about this to Roberto. It was just that she had to see if she could do something to help Sirius. She owed that to Erin, he was her father after all. Besides, no matter what everyone was saying: she just _knew_ he was not a murderer. "Alright," she said at last and attempted a smile. "I think we have reached an agreement, Roberto."

He nodded without smiling, but Mary thought he was looking pleased nevertheless. "Wait here. I will get someone to show you around your new home."

Without saying anything else, Roberto got up from his seat and disappeared from sight. Mary wondered if he would get that Fabio guy he had been talking about earlier. Apparently the two of them were going to be working together a lot… She got up from her seat and picked up a peacefully sleeping Erin. She held her baby to her chest and sniffed her skin before gently kissing her on the head. "Hopefully mummy is doing the right thing here, sweetie," she whispered. "I honestly don't know if this will work out, but I'm doing it for you."

* * *

Mary continued to rock Erin in her arms as she walked to the open window and stared out over the beach. It was not far from here. She could see the white foam on top of the dark blue waves as they were crashing down upon the sandy beach. It felt completely surreal to be standing here, in tropical Brazil, while her friends back in England were dealing with James and Lily's death and Sirius's possible betrayal. Mary suddenly realized that Remus must have started to look for her by now as well. Like as her parents, and Jenna… Oh God. This was more tricky than she thought it was going to be. How would they react when she was standing in front of their noses a few weeks later after having staged her own disappearance and death with Albus Dumbledore?

Mary's mind got drawn back to the present when the door was opening again. Roberto walked inside with… Well, if this was Fabio, he turned out to be a lot more feminine than expected. This girl seemed to be only a few years younger than she was and had bright blonde hair. Her skin was toned and she had those hazel eyes that looked just like James's. The girl was eyeing her curiously as she paused right next to Roberto, who said: "Fiona, this is Mary Woods, our newest addition to the ranch. Mary, this is Fiona Travers."

Mary stared at the young girl. "Travers? As in family of the Death Eater Travers?"

"The one and only," Fiona replied in a clear Cockney accent. "Thanks for catching and shutting away my uncle back in '78. That one _really_ pissed off my dad, let me tell you."

She sniggered appreciatively, but Mary was still gazing at the girl with an open mouth. "You know who I am?" she managed to say at last.

Fiona nodded vehemently and was about to explain why when Roberto cleared his throat loudly. She shot him a quick look before smiling at Mary. "Let's talk about that later. First I'll show you where you're going to live." She looked at Roberto. "You know, cabin eleven is still free and that one's right next to mine and Irina's cabin. Mary would fit in perfectly there, you know, to restore the peace and-"

"-What is going on between you and Irina is none of Mary's business, Fiona. You can show her cabin twenty-seven." He looked at Mary. "If it's not what you're looking for or there are things that need to be fixed, let me know."

Fiona led Mary (carrying Erin in the basket) out of the room and through the long corridor. They did not, like Mary had expected, enter the kitchen where some people were still having a laugh together. Instead, they left the main building and headed straight towards the beach. They passed several cabins on the way and Mary found it hard to admit, but she was enjoying this walk in the cool but pleasant Brazilian night. It was making her feel calm and the soft sand beneath her shoes seemed to emphasize that this was not a dream and that it was happening for real, that she really was here in Brazil. Fiona seemed to be waiting for her to open her mouth first, so after another moment of silence Mary asked: "So you know who I am?"

"Yeah, I do."

"How is that even possible?"

She snorted. "How is that _not_ possible, you mean. I was at Hogwarts when you were a student there and it was, well, hard to not notice you."

"What do you mean?"

"Oh come on, Mary, this is no rocket science. _Everybody_ knew you. You and those other two girls, Brice McDonald and Lily Evans. You were like the rock royalty of Hogwarts. Popular with practically all the guys in every year. And you got be class- and housemates of the Marauders. James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin… Merlin, there wasn't a girl around who wasn't envying you for some reason. Well, except in my house, of course."

"You mean…"

"I was a Slytherin, in third year when you guys graduated if I remember correctly. I've been born and raised in a typical pureblood family, so it only made sense to place me in the house of the honourable Salazar Slytherin. Of course, should the Sorting have taken place a few years later, things would have turned out differently. Sirius Black was my hero. That he was bold enough to turn his back at his family at the mere age of eleven, impressive."

Mary didn't like Fiona mentioning Sirius at all and quickly changed the subject. "So, Slytherin, huh?"

"Yep," she grinned as they turned into another long lane and Mary was starting to wonder how big this ranch actually was. "You know," Fiona said thoughtfully. "I think I may be the only Slytherin who turned out okay."

"Oh, I don't know. I've heard that before," Mary said, thinking of Alison Zabini.

"No, honestly! Why else do you think I've come here?"

She shot her a look. "Why _are_ you here?"

"Well, like almost every other Slytherin at the honourable age of sixteen, I was summoned to join the ranks of you-know-who. By that time, there were many things I wasn't sure of anymore but there was _one_ thing I was every clear about: I didn't want to become a Death Eater. Naturally my family was not amused. One night my parents tried to put me under the Imperius Curse, but I managed to block it for the first time in my life. I ran away, but didn't have any place to go. All my friends had obeyed their parents and joined the Death Eaters."

Mary felt a stab of sympathy for this girl. "So what did you do?"

"Turned to Dumbledore," Fiona said as she paused in front of the very last and distant cabin, which was right near the beach. "He said he could offer me some protection in England, but that it would be safer to complete my education in Brazil. And well, it wasn't like I had anyone left I cared about at home, so I chose to come to the ranch. I'm eighteen now, and haven't regretted my decision a single time," she added smiling while opening the front door by using _Alohomora_.

Mary walked inside and almost instantly fell in love. Cabin twenty-seven was small, but it had an amazing porch and the house was cosy and light with crème-coloured walls and wooden furniture. It had three rooms and a magnificent view on the ocean and a meadow with cows and horses on the other side. But there was something missing in the house. "Hey Fiona, I don't see a kitchen."

"No, everyone always eats together in the main building. Hence the noise you heard when you were walking past the kitchen."

"Right, I understand. And are all the cabins as beautiful as this one?"

"Yeah," Fiona said as she leaned back against a wooden table. "But none of them look out on the ocean like this one. You'll have to get used to the sound of kettle, of course, but seriously, you've got like the best view of all of us."

"That's great," she replied while opening the bedroom door. It was big enough to fit a closet and a large bed and there was still enough room to fit a small cot at the end of the bed. That would be perfect for Erin. Mary would move the cot to another room soon, but not tonight. Tonight she needed her daughter to sleep in the same bedroom.

Mary was just putting Erin down in the cot when Fiona walked inside. "She's beautiful," she whispered admiringly. "Who's the father? Is she Siri-"

"-So how many people live on the ranch?" Mary asked quickly, cutting her off right on time.

Fiona arched her eyebrows in surprise, but got the message and said: "Around sixty. Ten of them live in the village and the rest of us… Are either born here or came to find refuge, like you."

Mary turned around and walked to the empty closet. "I don't have any clothes," she said miserably. "And Erin and I are wearing clothes that are suitable for British autumns, not Brazilian Summers."

Fiona shook her head and tutted as she guided Mary out the bedroom and quietly closed the door behind them. "Roberto didn't mention anything about that, did he? Men…" she sighed. "Look, there are some really cool shops in the village. You can borrow things from me until we get time to go there. Hey!" she said, her face lighting up with sudden inspiration. "Jonathan could come along too! He loves shopping and has _such_ a good eye with these things. You know, one time he convinced me of buying this orange sarong and it has been making the men go crazy ever since."

Mary had to raise a hand to make her stop rattling like a crazed lunatic. "Who?" she asked, shooting her a confused look.

"Oh," Fiona said, scratching her head in confusion. "I thought you might have guessed that he was living here too. At least not many people know… But I thought you would. I mean, you were in the same year at Hogwarts, right?"

Mary, starting to feel more weary by the minute, shot her a concerned look. "Jonathan who?"

"McLaggen," she said simply, and Mary's heart stopped. Jonathan McLaggen was here too? The guy she had once dated and beat her up when she didn't want to go out with him anymore? The guy who had been punched in the eye by Sirius because of that? The guy who eventually apologized for what he had done right before she took her Potions NEWT and had never tried to contact her again? _That_ Jonathan?

"Mary?" Fiona asked cautiously. "Perhaps you should sit down. You look really pale. Are you alright?"

"No," Mary sighed as flopped down in an armchair that faced the back doors to the porch. "No, I'm not alright." She massaged her temples for a moment. "This was supposed to be a place where no one knows about my past, about who I am or what I did. Who else is living here?" she asked at last while looking up into the worried face of Fiona. "Next thing you're telling me that Fabian and Gideon Prewett were preparing a fantastic meal in that kitchen."

Fiona frowned. "Eh, I don't know a Fabian or Gideon. But really Mary, Jonathan is not a bad man. And he has a damn good reason for being here."

"Why _is_ he here, then?"

"That is not my place to tell. He's out tonight or I'm sure he would have wanted to see you right away. I'll send him by your cabin tomorrow morning, so that you guys can talk before I'm showing you around the rest of the ranch. Right now I suggest you get some sleep."

"Yeah, alright," Mary replied absent-mindedly while watching Fiona stepping out on the porch and walking away in the dark. She stared at the waves crashing down on the beach with force for a long time as she tried to reflect on what was going on here. In one night she had defied a Death Eater-attack, learned of her best friend's death and her fiancé's possible betrayal, travelled to a distant wizarding village at the northeast of Brazil where two people lived – one of them was Jonathan McLaggen, of all people! - who could easily discover everything that was to know about James and Lily _and_ Sirius. And that when Mary had just decided she didn't want anyone on this ranch to know what happened to her and why she had come here. It was better if they didn't, for their sake and Mary's, who thought it would be a lot easier to move on without constantly being reminded of her past. But this was already turning out to be a lot more complicated than she thought. She and Erin may have had a clean getaway for now, but at this rate, how long was that going to last?

**- End of Update -**

* Song from the title: Clean Getaway by Maria Taylor.


	4. Three: Scar Tissue

**Author's Note**:Hope you guys like this one. Let me know what you think! Cauldron cakes and Butterbeer for everyone who gives their opinion…

**Dedication**: Siry Pop. It was good to see you around again. Welcome back!

**Disclaimer**: Not mine…

**Three: Scar Tissue** *

The next morning Mary awoke by the very first rays of sunlight touching her face. She opened her eyes and dazedly squinted in the sun for a moment, which already seemed more powerful than it ever could have been in Britain. It took Mary a while to realize where she was and why her neck was aching so much, but then it all came back to her in an instant: James and Lily dying, Sirius's possible betrayal, the Death Eaters attacking them, her asking Dumbledore for help who sent them to Brazil, arriving on the ranch…

Mary rubbed her eyes and groaned as she sat up straight. Her neck really hurt; she realized she must have fallen asleep in this cane chair while staring out over the ocean. And she knew all too well why she never made it to her bed. She had been pondering over that Fiona girl telling her Jonathan McLaggen was living on this ranch. And that this could become really problematic if he found out Mary had moved to this place as well. After all, Jonathan knew everything about her history with Sirius. Would he tell Roberto that she had a relationship with a man who was being accused of betraying her and selling out his best friends?

Mary got out of the chair and stretched; she hadn't had any contact with Jonathan ever since they graduated from Hogwarts. She didn't even know what kind of job he got after school; he was a Ravenclaw student and very smart, so Mary always assumed he landed some kind of fancy job at the Ministry of Magic. But now she was thinking about it, she realized she had never heard of a McLaggen working for the Ministry. Mary yawned and decided to check on Erin; her daughter was still asleep, blissfully oblivious to the drama unfolding around her mother.

Mary quietly closed the door and took a quick shower. When she returned to the living room, wearing jeans and just a top (she had decided to leave the warm sweater off), she realized she was feeling hungry. Mary shot a look at the non-existing kitchen and noticed there was nothing more than a bar and a few cabinets; she knew Fiona said everyone always had dinner in the main house together, but what about breakfast? She didn't feel like going to the main house by herself, what if she ran in on Jonathan somewhere on the way? Mary listlessly made her way over to the bar, opened one of the cabinets and saw something she did not expect: a pack of cereal, freshly made bread, a jar of juice and a bowl of mashed fruit for Erin slowly floated out of the cabinet and hovered in the air in front of her.

Mary grabbed the products and put them on the bar before kneeling back down. She wondered if she was dealing with some kind of Room of Requirement here; she decided to put her theory to the test and thought of her favourite dessert. She slowly opened the cabinet and there it was: a rich piece of deliciously-smelling tiramisu floated out. Mary frowned. Clearly always having meals together in the main house did not include breakfast. She shrugged and reached for the plate of tiramisu. She took a few bites and the dessert tasted absolutely delicious, but it didn't make her feel better. It had only been a day, but she already missed Sirius so much it was actually hurting physically; it felt like her heartstrings had been knitted into a tight knot and were now trying to break free. Mary was just swallowing another bite when the tears started to trickle down her cheeks. How had she ended up in this mess? She wanted to talk to Sirius more than anything, listen to whatever he had to say (she still refused to believe he had betrayed James and Lily), and yet she couldn't.

After another moment Mary forced herself to get up from the bar stool and wake up Erin. She gave her daughter a bath and – she didn't have anything else – constructed a suit from a tea towel she found in one of the other cabinets (apparently baby clothes – unlike food – did not fly out of the cabinets). Mary ignored the thought that Erin was somewhat resembling a house-elf and took her to the living room. She put her down in a baby stool and started feeding her the fresh fruit. Erin hungrily accepted the mashed mango and banana, but after only a few bites she spit out a spoonful of fruit and cried: "Da!"

Mary, who was just bringing another spoon to Erin's mouth, froze. After another moment she decided to ignore the fact that Erin was calling her father. "Just another few more bites, love. Here it comes…"

But Erin didn't want anymore fruit; she had clearly set her mind on something else. "Da!" she cried happily and slammed her hands on the bar. "Da! Da! Da!"

Mary closed her eyes and could feel another lump rising in her throat. "I'm so sorry Erin," she said. "Daddy's not here."

Erin looked at her with her big grey eyes. _Sirius's_ eyes. "Da?" she repeated, looking confused.

"Da is not here," she repeated quietly.

Erin looked crestfallen for a moment, but her face cleared up only a few seconds later when she found new inspiration. "Mu?"

Mary looked at her daughter and smiled sadly. "Yeah, mummy's here," she said before picking Erin up from the stool, who immediately flung her tiny arms around her sore neck. An audibly bemused Erin put a hand against Mary's nose, who had carefully started to rub her daughter's back in an attempt to make her burp.

"I know," Mary whispered right when Erin let out a series of short burps. "I miss him too."

She was just thinking about where to put down the new large cot she had conjured into the living room when there was a knock on the front door. Mary turned around and stared at the door. A quick glance at the clock above the door told her it was only 7.30 AM. Who had come down so early? Could it be Roberto who had come to question her on her motives – was he an accomplished Legillimens who had read she wasn't planning on staying here long? Or would Jonathan have already told him everything about her interference with a possible traitor and loyal servant of Lord Voldemort? Mary carefully placed Erin in the cot and put the half-finished bowl of fruit down there as well before hesitantly unlocking the door with her wand and reaching for the door handle to open it.

She had been close. It was not Roberto who was standing on her doorstep, but Jonathan. And he was looking just like she remembered him; dark blonde wavy hair, hazel eyes and a dazzling smile. The only difference with Hogwarts was that he looked healthier and a lot more confident. Right now he was leaning against the doorpost while smirking at her. Mary found it difficult to look at him and quickly lowered her gaze.

"I just had to come and see for myself," Jonathan said and Mary could feel his smirk on her. "Mary Woods seeking refuge in Brazil. Who would have thought…?"

Mary didn't know what to say to that and merely shrugged while asking: "Would you like to come in, Jonathan?"

"Alright," he said after a pause and walked inside. "So, what made you come to Rancho Borboleta?"

He turned around and eyed her curiously, but Mary found it rather impolite to start off their conversation like this and she shot him a defiant look while lifting her chin proudly. "Jump right to the big question, why don't you?"

Jonathan grinned. "Well, it's the only thing everyone around here truly cares about. What made the other take the big plunge?"

Mary turned away and crossed her arms. "More like who, you mean," she muttered.

"Who?" He sounded surprised.

"Dumbledore."

"Did Dumbledore force you to come here?"

"He strongly advised it, but with Dumbledore that pretty much comes down to the same thing, doesn't it?"

"Hmm… I see. And where's your other half?"

Mary didn't need to guess who he was referring to. "Not here," she said shortly.

"Ah," Jonathan nodded as he walked up and paused right next to her. "I'm sorry to hear that," he said calmly. "What happened? Did Black die?"

Mary glanced at him and was surprised to see Jonathan actually looked concerned. "No," she said while turning her gaze back to the view outside. "At least he wasn't last night. I have no idea where he is right now, or that he is still alive."

_Clunk._

Erin had picked up the bowl of fruit and accidentally dropped it to her foot. She was starting to cry hysterically and Mary hurried over to the cot to pick her up. "Shhh," she said soothingly as she gently rocked Erin and simultaneously tried to wipe off the banana-mango stains from the tea towel.

This did not go by unnoticed. "Nice towel," Jonathan commented dryly.

She shot him a furious look. "I don't have anything else for her right now, okay?" she hissed, unable to fight off the blush that was creeping up her cheeks.

He arched an eyebrow. "I am pretty sure Natalya would let you borrow one of the twins suits if you asked, but never mind that. Fi told me she's going to take you out shopping today, so that won't be necessary." He took a few steps forward and shot Erin an admiring look. "What a beautiful baby girl. What's her name?"

"Erin."

"She's one of his, isn't she?"

Mary looked up at him and wondered if it would be best to lie about this. No such luck, because like he could read her mind, he suddenly smiled and said: "It's pretty obvious, Mary. She has the exact same eyes as Sirius."

Erin's eyes immediately lit up at the mention of her father. "Da!" she cried excitedly and Mary shot Jonathan another angry look. "_Don't_ mention his name in her presence! It's stressful enough for her as it is."

Jonathan didn't respond to her second sneer in less than three minutes. Instead he just shot her a close look before kindly asking: "Why are you here, Mary? I know it must have something to do with James and Lily. I heard about their deaths when I got home last night. Tragic…"

She huffed. "Oh, cut the crap, Jonathan! You never liked James."

"He was a foul git at Hogwarts, true enough. But I always cared for Lily, you know that."

Mary sighed and shot Jonathan a look over Erin's head. "Yes, I know."

"So why are you-"

"-Why are _you_ here, Jonathan? Last time I checked you weren't chased by Death Eaters or hadn't joined a resistance group to fight Voldemort."

Jonathan shuddered. "Geez, warn me in advance the next time you're going to mention you-know-who's name."

Mary rolled her eyes. "He's gone, Jonathan."

"Still, that's no excuse to scare the crap out of people for no reason."

She sighed. "Fine, whatever, but you still haven't answered my question."

He made a scornful sound. "Look who's talking." But after another glare from Mary, he rolled his eyes and said: "Alright. I'll tell you, because _I_ don't have secrets from anyone here. The Death Eaters may not have been after me, but my father was."

"You dad? Why would he want to do that?"

Jonathan smiled sadly. "Let's just say he discovered something about me he could not tolerate."

"I don't understand. Your father adored you."

"So he did. That was until he found out the truth about me."

"The truth about what?"

"Me. I've never been myself at Hogwarts, I was always hiding my true personality. I was pretending to be the guy girls wanted to date, to be the rightful heir my father wanted to me to become."

Mary shot him a puzzled look. "I'm not sure I'm following you here."

He laughed. "Fine, then I'll just come out and say it. I'm not who you think I am, Mary. At least… Not the guy you thought you knew. You see, I am gay."

Her jaw dropped to the floor. "What?"

He shrugged. "I like men. Have liked them since around…. Fourth year, I think."

Mary stared at him in shock. Jonathan McLaggen was a homosexual? But he had gone out with countless girls at Hogwarts, had dated _her_. He used to be one of the biggest macho's in the school and now he was telling her he had been attracted to guys all along? This must be some kind of joke. A really stupid and unfunny prank. "You're messing with me, right?"

He slowly shook his head and shot her a serious look. "I'm actually telling the truth. For the first time since I've known you, I am entirely truthful."

"B-But… You were one of the most popular guys at Hogwarts. You snogged Merlin knows how many girls. You kissed _me_!"

"Yeah," he nodded, grinning to himself at the memory. "Dating you kind of was my last resort, to tell you the truth."

She gasped at the unfairness of that remark. "Your last res- Are you telling me I made you step over to… to the other side?"

"On the contrary. You literally were my last resort."

"What are you talking about?"

"You were the prettiest girl in our year. I knew that if I was going to make it work with _anyone_, it had to be with you. Which is why I was so bummed when you broke up."

Mary was still trying to grasp the fact that Jonathan was gay. "But you said you've always been attracted to guys. Does that mean that at Hogwarts you also…?"

"Oh yeah," he snorted. "It was one of the main reasons I joined the Ravenclaw Quidditch team. But seriously, I was always looking at the same guy."

Mary wasn't sure if she wanted to hear what was coming next, but eventually her curiosity got the better of her. "Who…?" she asked after putting Erin back down in the cot.

Jonathan smiled at her and shook his head. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Try me."

"Remus Lupin."

She clapped her hand in front of her mouth. "You had a crush on _Remus_?"

He sniggered at the memory. "Ridiculous, don't you think? I've had feelings for that guy for years. A Marauder for crying out loud. Friends with Potter _and_ Black. I don't even know what made me feel this way about him... Those kind brown eyes, sandy-coloured hair or perhaps just his poor health." Jonathan was staring out of the window, but he pulled his mind back to the present and shook his head. "Not that I didn't realize I would never stand a chance. He was always shooting longing looks at that blonde friend of yours, what's her name again?"

"Brice," Mary replied absent-mindedly, still trying to get used to the idea of Jonathan McLaggen having the hots for one of her best friends. She shook her head in astonishment. If Remus knew… Mary suddenly noticed her mouth was crinkling into a smile and before she realized what was happening, she had started to laugh aloud. For a moment Jonathan looked astonished, but then his face crumpled and he burst out laughing as well. Mary didn't really understand why she was roaring with laughter – Merlin knows there wasn't anything funny about her current situation – but laughing freely like this was such a relief. And now she had started, she simply couldn't stop doing it. She was giving tiny little snorts, her ribs hurt and every time she looked at Jonathan she couldn't help but giving another little gurgle.

It took them another minute to calm down, but when they finally managed, whatever tension there had been between them had disappeared; Mary was feeling completely relaxed around him and for some reason she knew that the two of them would be alright. "So," she panted at last, still holding a hand to her aching ribs. "When did you have your big coming out?"

Jonathan's smile slowly froze on his face. "In those months after I got suspended of Hogwarts. It was then that I realized it was time to stop pretending and start living for real. I told my parents right after the graduation ceremony. My mum just wanted me to be happy, but my dad yelled I was a disgrace to the family and threatened he would force me into marrying a girl if he had to. When I refused, he kicked me out of the house. I stayed over at Timothy's place for a couple of weeks. We were just mates, but my dad thought we were lovers and sent a hired assassin after us. The killer managed to get Tim, but I could escape and asked Dumbledore for help. And that's how I ended up here."

She bit her lip. "I'm sorry to hear it had to be that way."

"Yeah well, feel sorry for Tim. I made it out okay."

"Feel sorry for Brice," Mary said quietly. "And James, Lily. Possibly Erin's dad too…"

She wiped another tear from her eyes and Jonathan put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Just tell me what happened down there," he said softly.

Mary gulped and shook her head as a reply and he sighed. "If you still want to pretend everything is okay for another couple of hours, that's fine, but eventually the truth has to come out. We do get the Daily Prophet here, you know… And something tells me that what happened to you and your friends is big enough to make the front page of the newspaper."

Mary looked at him, thinking Jonathan was having a point there. There was no way she could possibly hide the truth from these people. Soon they would all discover that her fiancé was blamed of betraying his friends and being partly responsible for their deaths. And they would know that _she_ had turned her back on him before even finding out what really happened that Halloween. She sighed. "Look, I just wish-"

"-Bom dia!"

Fiona had just appeared in the doorway. She was wearing a bright red halter dress and flipflops and looked remarkably cheerful. "Ready for a tour around the ranch and the village, Mary?"

Mary didn't feel like going on a day trip at all. It was far too sunny outside; a complete contradiction with her depressed state of mind. She smiled at Fiona in what she hoped was a sincere apologetic gesture. "I'm sorry, but I cannot leave Erin behind like this. And I don't know if she can stand the heat."

But apparently Fiona wasn't going to take no for an answer. "I already asked Natalya and she doesn't mind taking care of Erin for you. Come on, it'll be loads of fun. You'll meet some new people _and_ you get to buy new clothes! Roberto's paying, I might add."

Mary looked stunned. "What? No, I don't want that. I have enough Galleons on my account, I can buy my own clothes."

Jonathan, who had sat down on the floor next to Erin's cot and was pulling funny faces at her, sniggered. "Still the little independent woman, aren't you? You haven't changed at all."

Mary crossed her arms and shot him a look. The fact that Erin was actually laughing over his crazy faces was annoying her. It wasn't the fact that Jonathan was making her laugh, but because her daughter was so easily forgetting about missing her dad. Mary wished she could wipe off the memory just as easily. Besides, she simply wasn't going to take any money from a commune she would be abandoning soon than later anyway. That would be immoral. "I just prefer paying for it myself," she muttered.

"Suit yourself," Fiona said while checking out her backside in the tall mirror above the couch. "Well then, shall we go?"

Mary knew there was no way she could back out of this tour forever, so it might be best to get it over with at once. She looked at Jonathan and realized she was feeling a lot more relaxed around him than with Fiona, who tended to idolize her. "Are you coming too?"

"No, I have an appointment to go to this afternoon," he said while crawling back to his feet.

Fiona snorted. "Some appointment that is. It's a date, Mary."

Jonathan glared at her. "And what if it is?"

"You just compared your date to a doctor's appointment. Besides, it's not _just_ a date. It's your third date with Antonio."

"So?"

"So… You must be having some expectations. Three dates is a big thing."

"Is not."

"Is!"

It was like listening to two bickering twelve year-olds. "Okaaaaay!" Mary called while holding up a dismissive hand. "I don't think now is the time to decide whether or not a third date really means something. Bottom line is that you're not coming with us."

"I won't come along shopping," Jonathan said, grinning. "I do, however, have time to join you two lovely ladies for a tour on the ranch."

"Coolness!" Fiona nodded after shooting one last look at her reflexion in the mirror. "Then that's our plan. First up is bringing Erin to Natalya and the twins, then we show Mary around the ranch and afterwards I'll take her to the village to go shopping!"

Right, Mary thought. Clearly she wasn't having a say in this at all. But one glance at the excited-looking Fiona and a smiling Jonathan convinced her that they were only being nice and trying to make her feel at home. And Mary didn't have the heart to tell them she was more homesick than she had ever been before in her life. She was in need of some answers, answers to painful questions she didn't want to think about, and yet they just would not leave her alone.

Mary knew that she wouldn't be able to rest before she found out what really happened that night in Godric's Hollow and had made up her mind: she was heading back to England as soon as possible. She just needed to keep this a secret long enough before she would get the opportunity to talk to Roberto and head back home. But she realized Jonathan and Fiona would never support her in leaving the ranch, because they just didn't understand. Mary didn't have a choice: she was going to have to lie to them. She bent down to pick up Erin and attempted to smile. And for once it actually felt like a real smile. Mary hoisted her daughter a bit higher on her hip and walked to the door. "Let's go and find out if this bloody ranch really is as much of a labyrinth I think it is."

********** End of Update **********

**Song from the title: Scar Tissue by the Red Hot Chili Peppers**


	5. Four: Rain Down On Me

**Author's Note: **I love reviews. So don't forget to tell what you think of it!

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing…

**Dedication: **To JJ-000-JJ.

**Four: Rain Down On Me** *

The long walk to the main house was one of the weirdest Mary ever experienced. She was carrying Erin while walking side to side with Fiona and Jonathan. The two were chatting about a new café a friend of them was opening on the beach of Arraial. That is, Fiona did most of the talking (Mary was starting to wonder if it was physically impossible for her to remain silent for more than a minute), but every now and then Jonathan was casting looks at her. Perhaps only because she wasn't taking place in the conversation, but Mary didn't feel like talking at the moment.

She was too busy looking around at the beautiful scenery. The ranch looked even more impressive by day. The road they were following to get to the main house was situated right next to the ocean and when they were walking into the forest, Mary noticed that little side-paths from that main road connected every cabin to every stable and office in the area. She was still looking around in awe when she realized Jonathan was asking her something. "What?"

"Are you okay?"

"Why?"

"You look so troubled."

Mary shrugged. "I'm fine. It's just… This place is huge."

"I know, right?" Fiona said, nodding enthusiastically. "You'll get used to it eventually. I could find my way around here with my eyes closed."

She grinned and Mary managed to give her a half-smile in return. They walked on in silence for about a minute until Fiona started to talk to Jonathan again. Mary lost interest in their conversation soon enough and instead focused on the vast fields of herbs they were passing. She smiled to herself, Lily would have loved coming here. She wondered why Albus had not immediately send her, James and Harry to this place when they found out about Voldemort plans to chase them down. It could have saved their lives…

Mary's mind got pulled back to the present when they were standing in front of the main house. "Let's see if someone's home," Jonathan said while pushing the front door open. "Natalya, you there?"

No answer. Fiona stepped past them and walked inside. "Hello?" She turned back and shot Jonathan a look. "She's probably in the kitchen. I don't think she can hear us from here. Let's go."

Fiona walked straight to the kitchen and Jonathan and Mary followed, the last one a little reluctantly. She thought it was quite rude to enter someone's house unexpectedly, but Fiona and Jonathan seemed to think there's was nothing wrong with bursting in like this. Maybe this was considered to be normal in Brazil? Meanwhile, Fiona had opened the kitchen door. "Natalya, there you are!"

"Fi, good morning," a hoarse woman's voice answered. "Come on in."

Fiona walked inside and ushered the others to follow her. Jonathan immediately helped himself to a slice of cheese bread and Fiona sat down at the table to have glass of juice, but Mary remained by the door, feeling indecisive on whether or not she was supposed to sit down. But then the woman called Natalya walked over to shake her hand. "You must be Mary. I heard a lot about you. I hope you feel at home soon."

"It's nice to meet you," Mary replied shyly. Natalya was a curvy woman in her forties with a characteristic-looking face, dark eyes and big eyebrows and she spoke in a clear East-European accent.

"And this must be your little one," she said, smiling as her eyes dropped to Erin, who was eyeing this mysterious woman curiously. "Erin, is it?"

Mary nodded and was about to reply when Jonathan cleared his throat behind them. "Sorry to intrude, Natalya, but did you only feed Diego this morning?"

"Of course not. Why?"

"Because," he replied, sounding amused. "Guido is having your mail for breakfast."

"_What_?" She turned around and looked at the twin toddlers sitting in their stools on the other end of the table. One of the boys was indeed chewing on a brown envelope. "Guido, no!" Natalya cried. "How may times am I going to have to tell you! Paper is _not_ food."

She pulled the envelope out of Guido's hands, who immediately started to cry out of protest. His brother Diego joined him a few seconds later. Jonathan and Fiona flinched and covered their ears, but Mary – used to the sound of whining children – smiled and heaved Erin, who was witnessing all this action with a bemused look on her face, a little higher on her hip. Natalya didn't seem impressed by her sons behaviour either. "Don't give me that attitude, young boy," she said sternly as she tried to clean Guido's mouth.

"You know," Mary said as she walked up to Natalya. "I used to that too when I was little."

"I'm sure you did," she replied while picking up Guido and trying to calm him down. "All babies do when they're about eight months old. It's just that this phase passes once they get their first teeth. The problem with Guido is that he has teeth and is still fond of eating anything that is within his reach."

She put her son back down in his stool before turning back to Mary. "You wanted me to take care of…" Her voice trailed off when she noticed Erin's clothing. "My dear, is that… a _tea towel_?"

Mary could feel herself go red. "I didn't have anything else. Her own clothes are way too warm for her and…"

"You didn't pack anything else?"

"Well, I kind of left in a hurry…"

Natalya gave her an understanding nod. "I see. Well then, why don't you and the others go shopping and I will watch Erin for the day. Put her in some real clothing first, I think there may be a baby dress around here somewhere."

Mary smiled gratefully and kissed Erin goodbye before handing her daughter over to Natalya.

"We're going to show Mary around the ranch first," Jonathan said. "But Fiona will definitely take her out shopping afterwards."

"Definitely," Fiona grinned as she jumped up from her seat. "Let's go. Bye Natalya."

"See you at dinner," Natalya replied while conjuring another baby stool next to Diego and putting Erin in it. The little girl was shooting a look at her new neighbour and after a moment of hesitation, Diego handed her one of his rattles. Relieved that her daughter had made at least one new friend, Mary smiled and turned around to follow Jonathan and Fiona out of the house.

* * *

They were determined to show Mary everything there was to know, so the tour around the ranch lasted over two hours. Jonathan and Fiona took her to every herb field and greenhouse in the area and explained that the ranch delivered medical herbs and potions to magical hospitals and herbal shops all over the world, including Paris, Salem, Cairo, Amsterdam, St. Petersburg, Bangkok, Stockholm, Madrid and London. They showed her a small forest near the edge of the ranch that was full of Clabberts and Fire Slugs. They even came across a young Gytrash on their way back. Finally they guided her to the area of the ranch she would be spending most of her time: the stables.

The hilly and dusty path leading to the stables was surrounded a big meadow on each side with groups of trees for the shade. A group of horses was grazing in the one on the left and several cows from the other field curiously watched the three people passing by while chewing on their grass. Mary was starting to think the moment would never come, but then they finally walked onto the farmyard of the stable. There were three tall white buildings (one of them had a porch), a place to wash and brush the horses and a training area where two men with cowboy hats leaned on the fence as they were watching someone. One of them turned around when Fiona called them. "Bom dia," he said.

"Hiya," Fiona said when she and the others had reached them. "Come and meet Mary. Mary, Sayid."

"Hello Mary," Sayid, a dark man in his thirties with twinkling eyes and his long black hair in a ponytail, said kindly. "I hear you'll be working with the horses too."

"That is the idea, yes," she replied.

"Glad to hear it," Sayid smiled sincerely before smacking his friend, who was still watching the training area, on his lower back. "Stop being such an impolite prat and come down to say hi."

The short man obediently jumped off the fence (when Mary noticed the size of his impressive belly she was surprised he could move around so easily) and turned around. "Hi," she said as she took his hand. "I'm Mary."

"Eduardo," the man who looked around forty nodded politely. "Encantada."

"Eduardo doesn't speak English that well," Fiona whispered in her ear before smiling at Sayid. "What are you guys doing?"

"Fabio is going for another round with Pegasus," he grinned and, when noticing the puzzled frown on Mary's face, elaborated. "That's an Unicorn, and a stubborn one at that. He refuses to be touched by him and that's something someone as vain as Fabio Giraldo cannot accept. That's why he's-"

Sayid got interrupted mid-sentence by a furious scream, followed by a loud bang as the door of one of the boxes burst open. A large and impeccable white Unicorn jumped out and galloped and stamped around the field, looking very stressed. Mary shielded her eyes from the sun and stared at the stallion: he was absolutely gorgeous. The Unicorn had stopped at the other end of the field and seemed to have calmed down a bit, but it started to scrape his hoof in the sand when a young guy – shooting a cooling charm at his shoulder with his wand – walked out of the stable.

"Nice going, Fab!" Sayid called teasingly.

"Yeah, you really rocked this one!" Jonathan added.

Fabio replied by making a rude gesture before pausing in the middle of the field and staring at the Unicorn, which seemed ready for another serious attack. The guy, tall and toned with dark hair that reached his ears, didn't even flinch. "Keep your horn on your head, you bloody moron," he muttered as he walked over to the others and leaned against the fence. "I was only trying to feed him and that excuse of a horse pays me back by taking a bite out of my shoulder."

Eduardo shook his head and mumbled something in Portugese. Sayid chuckled. "Right you are," he said, patting his friend on the shoulder. "Fabio, you of all people should know that when offering a Unicorn a meal, you ought to really _mean_ it."

"I was!" Fabio said indignantly while climbing through the fence. "Although," he added reluctantly when he was standing in front of them, "he somehow must have felt that I was secretly daydreaming of turning him into a SHASLICK!"

He had yelled the last word and Pegasus, still at the back of the training area, snorted furiously and stamped his hoof on the ground, but the others – even Mary - laughed. Fabio joined in after having examined his bruised shoulder, but he fell silent when his eyes found Mary's. "Hello there."

She noticed he was eyeing her curiously with his light brown eyes (they reminded her strongly of Remus) and she was suddenly very aware of her dirty jeans and shabby top. "Hi," she said quickly before she could start feeling nervous and held out her hand. "I'm Mary."

"Encantada," Fabio said, smiling. "So you're the one who'll be helping us out with the beast, then?"

"-S," she replied. "Plural. I was under the impression that there are more animals to take care of."

"There are, but if you don't mind me saying: you look kinda tired. I think it's better if I really show you around the place when you start working here."

"Okay," Mary nodded, feeling relieved. The tour around the rest of the ranch had taken long enough and if and Fiona were still supposed to go shopping after this… She wasn't sure how much more her feet were going to take.

"Right then," Fiona said while hooking her arm through Mary's. "We see you guys at dinner."

"You're not joining them, Jonathan?" Fabio asked, looking somewhat surprised.

"Not today, why?"

"Oh, nothing. Just that Irina told me today you get a 30 percent discount on Diesel jeans in that new store by the church."

Jonathan seemed in serious doubt for a moment, but he restored quickly. "I can't, I have somewhere else to go."

Fabio shrugged and turned to Eduardo and Sayid to discuss how they were supposed to get Pegasus back into his box. Fiona took Mary to the side and told her to hold her arm so she could disapparate to the main shopping street of Arraial d'Ajuda.

The girls spend another few hours buying many, _many_ new clothes. Mary always considered herself to be a shopaholic, but she was nothing compared to Fiona, who bought as many clothes as Mary did for herself _and_ Erin, and Fiona already had an entire wardrobe of clothes. Mary tried finding some kinds of robes in different stores, but when she asked Fiona when they were finally heading back home, the girl shot her a strange look and said: "No one wears robes around here, silly! They would choke you with this climate."

"You mean like, never?" Mary asked.

"Well, not _never_. We do wear them on weddings and funerals and stuff, but other than that… Not really. Why, are you so fond of robes?"

The truthful answer would be yes; Mary had become rather attached to robes over the years and not wearing them made her feel less like a witch. However, she could see that robes were not made for this kind of tropical weather. But they found a quiet corner in a distant alley eventually and disapparated to the ranch (separately this time, since Mary knew where she was supposed to go). After putting the new clothes into the closet and changing into a clean pair of jeans and a blue halter top, she went back to the main house.

* * *

When Mary entered the kitchen, she noticed there were a lot more people on this ranch that she hadn't seen before. There were about thirty persons in the kitchen, chatting merrily over a glass of wine while waiting for dinner to be served. Mary shook several hands of people she knew she would not recognize in the morning before she spotted Jonathan and Fiona (wearing the black dress she had bought earlier today) standing near the sink and she walked over to them. "Hey."

"Nice top," Fiona grinned.

"Nice dress," Mary countered, smiling. "So this is when everyone comes together to eat?"

"You have been well informed," a dark voice suddenly sounded behind them and they all turned around. Roberto smiled at her. "I see you're already starting to feel at home, very good."

"I'm doing my best," she replied, trying not to tell a lie. "Have you seen Erin?"

"She's right over there," he said and pointed over the other side of the kitchen where Natalya was cooking. Both her sons and Erin had been put down on a bench next to the hob and the kids were watching the world around them with big eyes. When Mary crossed the kitchen she noticed Fabio was on the floor trying to build a high tower from a set of wooden blocks. Erin was not taking her eyes off him for a second. Then he finally made a tiny mistake causing the entire tower to collapse with a rumble. "Crap!"

Erin clapped her hands together. "Clap!"

"Not clap: crap."

"Da?"

Fabio finally looked up and shot the baby a troubled look. "Sorry kiddo, I'm not your dad."

Mary hastily walked up to them and picked Erin up. "Hey sweetie," she whispered. "Wanna hear what mummy did today? She's bought you lots of pretty clothes. Isn't that cool?"

"Mu," Erin cried before mumbling something unintelligible and Mary looked at Fabio. "Sorry about that."

"None taken," he said as he crawled to his feet. "Did her father die?"

She bit her lip. "Not exactly."

"In any case, babies around here mistake me for their dads all the time. I cannot help it, I guess I'm just good with kids."

"So good that you're already trying to teach them how to swear?"

"Ah, you heard that, huh?"

Mary nodded and kissed Erin on the head. "It's a good thing she won't remember any of this in the morning, but I swear if the full word she says is crap, I will have to kill you."

He laughed and opened his mouth to reply when Natalya tapped him on the shoulder. "Care to help me levitating the rice and vegetables to the table?"

Fabio excused himself to and after Natalya told Mary she didn't need anymore hands in the kitchen, she carried Erin over to Jonathan and Fiona and sat down with her daughter on her lap. There was one free seat next to her and after Fabio had helped Natalya putting all the food on the table he flopped down in the chair next to Mary.

While having dinner he, Jonathan and Fiona told Mary more about the commune. Apparently they had dinner inside the kitchen throughout the year, but when it was really warm they sometimes moved out onto the porch. While Jonathan and Fiona were bickering on whether or not the last time they ate outside had been on the 29th or 30th of July, Fabio explained that at Christmas, it was common for everyone to cook one special dish from their native country. Mary pulled a face and he shot her a curious look. "What, you don't like cooking?"

"I do, I just hate typical British food."

"Seriously? So what did you eat instead?"

Mary shrugged. "I like cooking Italian, French or Asian. To be honest I'm not sure if I can think of a British dish I like at all."

"Nothing?"

"Well," she said after a thoughtful pause. "Treacle tart is alright, I guess."

"What's that?"

"A dessert. Wait, you're telling none of those two-" she pointed at Fiona and Jonathan "-has ever made you treacle tart?"

He shook his head and downed the rest of his wine. "Jonathan always makes shepherd's pie and the only thing Fi can make that doesn't taste disgusting is eggnog."

"In Fiona's defence, that's probably not her cooking. Just the fact that she's from Britain."

"I dare to doubt that."

Mary shrugged and gave a bite of lemon sorbet ice cream to Erin. "What do you make at Christmas?"

"Picadinho de Jacabé."

"Which is…"

"It's a typical dish from where I was born."

"Where?"

"In Brazil, but near the South-East in Minas Gerais. Picadinho is a spicy meal made of meat. It's usually alligator meat, but if Pegasus keeps going like this I might make a change to the family recepy this year."

Mary laughed and Jonathan, who had been listening to their conversation, said: "I'm sure he's thinking the same thing about you, Fabio."

They continued to talk while they had coffee and afterwards, when most of the people went back to their homes, the four of them stayed behind and helped Natalya and Roberto clean up. Mary noticed that Erin needed to be changed and put into bed and she quickly disapparated home. While she was changing Erin, Mary thought about the different people she had met today. They were all very nice and had welcomed her into their world with open arms, but she still hadn't changed her mind about going home. She needed to see Sirius to demand some answers.

* * *

When Mary returned to the main house some time later and was standing in front of the kitchen, she heard urgent whispers coming from inside. She knocked and opened the door and when she stepped inside, she found herself staring at five shocked faces. "Everything alright?"

"Eh… Yeah, why wouldn't it be?" Jonathan said airily while hiding a section of a newspaper behind his back.

"Because you all look like you've seen a ghost," Mary said, frowning. "What's that you've got behind your back?"

"Nothing you would be interested in seeing," Roberto said. His voice sounded calm, but Mary did not miss that his eyes had flicked to the paper in Jonathan's hands.

"What's going on here?" Her eyes shot from Fabio, who was staring down his glass of wine, to Fiona, who was still staring at her in shock, completely silent for once. "What's in that newspaper?"

"Who wants some tea?" Natalya said too cheerfully as she got up from her chair. "Tea anyone?"

No one replied, and Mary's eyes had never left Jonathan's. "What's in there?" she repeated. "Look, if it's about James or Lily, I can take it."

"It's not about them," he replied.

"Then who… Just give me the damn newspaper, Jonathan."

After another moment of hesitation, he slowly handed her the crumpled piece of paper. Mary turned around and looked down. And then her heart stopped. A photo of Sirius the size of the entire front page was staring back at her. But that was not the Sirius she remembered. He was laughing hysterically in the photograph, but the laugh wasn't real. It didn't look real. Why on earth would Sirius be laughing like that? How could he right after founding out that Lily and James were dead? Right after he learned she and Erin had vanished…

There were shivers running down Mary's spine as she was staring at that page, thinking this had to be some kind of cruel joke. Her eyes seemed to be glued to the face on that page, the face of a man she loved. Those manic eyes, that cruel grin… What was going on with him? It took her another minute before she could tear her eyes off the picture and finally look at the headline above the picture.

Mary dropped the page on the floor like she had burned her hands on it. Sirius had killed thirteen Muggles? _And_ Peter? But that was impossible, Sirius would _never_ do anything to hurt his friends? At least, not the Sirius she thought she knew…

"Mary?"

She looked around and noticed Jonathan was standing next to her. "Are you…"

"I… I gotta go."

Mary opened the door and walked outside into the dark and muggy Brazilian night. A thunderstorm would be coming soon, but she didn't care. She started running and kept running all the way to the beach, ignoring the stinging pain in her ribs and the shortness of breath. Any physical pain was better than the thoughts that were haunting her troubled mind at the moment. In fact, for all she cared she was going to run around like this till her heart stopped beating at all. At least she would be at peace.

Except that she would be leaving Erin behind. Mary instantly stopped running and bent forward with her hands on her knees, gasping for breath. Her heart was beating so fast that she wouldn't be surprised if it exploded in her chest. There was a flash of light and a loud rumbling thunder and Mary could feel the first drops of water hitting her head and shoulders. She dropped down to her knees and let the shower of rain and despair wash over her.

She had been so sure about Sirius's innocence, that there had been some kind of mistake, a mix up. The man she loved would never betray any of his friends. Not James, not Lily, not Peter. But the facts don't lie. What the Daily Prophet was saying must be the truth. Sirius must have known the Ministry was going to suspect him of being involved with James and Lily's death, but instead of going to the Auror Office himself or laying low, he attacked Peter in the middle of a crowded street in London. Why in Merlin's name would he go after Peter? She didn't understand. There was absolutely no reason for him to kill his friend _and_ thirteen freaking Muggles like that. Unless… Mary grabbed a handful of sand and let it run through her fingers as she was slowly coming to a horrible conclusion. Unless he really was the spy after all, the man who betrayed James and Lily and sent his fellow Death Eaters after his own fiancée and child. Mary was feeling more confused than she had ever done before. She looked up at the purple sky and banged her fist on the sand before yelling on the top of her lungs: "Why, Sirius, _why_?"

Mary continued to scream and throw sand around in frustration as the storm was raging around her. She had never been betrayed like this by anyone before. She may have been lucky to survive that Death Eaters attack and save her daughter's life in the process, but thanks to the only man she had ever loved she was now stuck in Brazil forever. She didn't even know how exactly she had ended up in this mess. There was a time Mary had been so sure she could never be happy without having Sirius at her side, but right now, in this moment, she wholeheartedly hated him for single-handedly ruining her life.

********** End of Update **********

- Song from the title: Rain Down On Me by Kane  
-- I hope I'm not insulting any Brits around here by letting Mary say the doesn't like British cooking. It's her opinion, not mine!

--- Arraial d'Ajuda is not a figment of my imagination. It's a real place, although I'm not sure it's half-magical, haha.


	6. Five: Rowing Song

**Author's Note:** Thanks for everyone who left a review last time. I always appreciate your feedback very much! In this chapter Mary will come across a new and really big problem, though it's not necessarily a bad thing... People who have read the one-shot L-O-V-E should be able to take a guess by now, haha!

**Dedication: **To Spongyllama.

**Disclaimer: **What's that word again? Oh yeah, not mine.

**Five: Rowing Song ***

Mary didn't leave the house for like a week. She spent her days taking care of Erin, redecorating the cabin and cleaning up here and there, but her heart wasn't in it. In fact, she was a zombie as she listlessly stumped around the house, feeling like her life was over. Sure, she put on her happy face when she was playing with Erin, who seemed to be feeling more like home in this place by the day, but in reality she was feeling just empty. Mary had no idea what it was like to endure the continuous threat of Dementors, but for a moment she thought she had a pretty clear idea of what it was like to be stuck in Azkaban.

The others on the ranch left her alone. Mary half-expected Roberto to be on her doorstep one of these days and inform her she was expected at work the next day, but so far none of them had come down to talk to her. And Mary liked it that way. The last thing she needed now was a Dumbledore-like speech telling her bad things happened to all of them and that it was time to move on. But there also was a terse voice inside whispering that the others were avoiding her because she had been engaged to a dangerous traitor and mass-murderer.

Speaking of Voldemort's presumed wing man, Mary still hadn't made up her mind. She had seen the Daily Prophet, had looked into the madly laughing face of a man she did not recognize and read the full article the day after that night in the storm. She knew perfectly well how things looked from here. It was indeed possible Sirius had been the traitor of the Order, he'd always known how to lie convincingly after all. Mary, besides James, had been one of the few people who could read him at all times without having to use Legilimency, or so she thought. She wasn't so sure about that anymore.

Either way, her head was telling her nothing could be done at the moment. It was over. Sirius was in Azkaban, would be dead or lose his mind in a few weeks and that would be the end of it. Mary wished she could have left everything about her old world behind on that rainy beach, but there was still something inside her that was telling her not to. That was forcing her not to give up. Was it hope, faith? Mary couldn't fully explain why, but as the images of the Sirius she had known and loved were swimming in front her eyes, there was still a part of her that knew he would never betray her or his friends, let alone murder Peter and thirteen innocent Muggles. It just wasn't him…

On the fifth night since Mary had arrived on the ranch, she was just putting Erin to sleep by singing "Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star" when she remembered who had taught her that song. Lily… Mary ignored the lump in her throat and managed to sing along until her daughter had fallen asleep. She then put a white sweater over her red tank top and walked out onto the white porch, just as she was realizing that today had probably been James and Lily's funeral. She flopped down on the top step of the porch and stared out over the dark beach, thinking if someone – her parents maybe? – had organized a funeral for her and Erin as well. Even though she had "only" disappeared, no one knew if they were actually dead.

She sighed in an attempt to block out guilty feelings towards her family and Remus, Frank and Alice and acciod a goblet and a jug of Exquisito di Cinamomo. She was starting to get used to this typical Brazilian drink and at the moment appreciated the way it made her feel completely numb. Life was a lot easier when she wasn't thinking about her messed up life. That said, she poured a rich amount of the amber liquid into her goblet and downed it in one go. She was just refilling her goblet when she heard someone say: "Having a party all by yourself, are we?"

Mary looked up. Fabio was standing in front of the porch, holding a full bottle of amber-coloured liquid in his hand and wearing worn-out jeans and a black sleeveless shirt. "What are you doing here?" she asked, not all too kindly.

He held up his hands in a defensive manner. "Whoa, no need to bite my head off. I just thought you could use the company after the day you had."

She frowned at him. "What kind of day?"

He grabbed a folded newspaper from his back pocket and tossed it over. Mary caught and unfolded it. There it was, right on the front page. The funeral of James and Lily. They were buried in Godric's Hollow, but it hadn't just been a memorial service. There was also the unveiling of a special statue on the square in front of the church; dedicated to the memory of Lily, James and Harry as a family. Mary stared at the picture and almost snorted. A _statue_? If only James knew…

"You hadn't read it yet?" Fabio asked as she tossed the Prophet aside.

Mary merely shook her head and went back to staring out over the beach. Fabio took this as his cue and turned to leave. "Look, I reasoned no one deserves to be alone on a day like this. Guess I was wrong."

He was about to walk off when Mary heard herself call: "No, wait."

Fabio turned back and shot her a questioning look and she shrugged. "Just come and sit with me… Please?"

He walked up the stairs of the porch and flopped down next to her. She noticed his eyes dropped to the jug of Exquisito di Cinamomo standing next to her before he said: "That must have been quite a scare."

Mary snorted mirthlessly into her goblet. "What? The part where I missed my best friend's funeral, where my fiancé turned out to be a possible mass murderer or just the fact that I'm probably buried by now myself?"

"Si," Fabio smiled grimly. "I would go for your own funeral. Just think about all the crimes you can now freely commit. I mean, you're dead for the law, so who's ever going to punish you?"

She shook her head. "If you're trying to cheer me up, don't bother. It's not going to work."

He didn't reply immediately and merely stared ahead while nodding thoughtfully. "Right," he said at last. "Well, there's only one thing to it, then."

"And what's that?"

"Get really pissed."

He held up his own bottle of amber liquid and now that Mary was looking at it from up close she could see what it was. "Firewhiskey?" she asked, lifting an eyebrow. "I didn't know you guys had that here too."

"We don't. I had to loot Roberto's private stash to get my hands on it. If he asks, I know nothing about it, okay?"

He had opened the bottle and Mary was just handing him another goblet when he shook his head. "Real men drink from the bottle, love. Didn't you know that?"

Mary almost dropped the goblet in shock when he heard her call "love". That was something only Sirius used to call her and she didn't like hearing it from another man's mouth. Fabio, noticing the frown on her face, gave her a gentle nudge. "What's the matter?"

She looked at him and realized just in time it was not her place to tell him what he could say to her or not and shrugged. "Just memories."

He nodded and said nothing. Instead, he took a big gulp of Firewhiskey and almost choked on it. "Merlin's Beard! What _is_ this stuff?"

"Firewhiskey," Mary replied, smiling slightly.

"It's strong!"

"Funny, I said the same thing when I first tried the local Brazilian wizard drink."

"But you're already used to it by now," Fabio replied, looking at the half-empty jug.

Mary hugged her legs with her arms and rested her head on her knees. "I don't think it tastes good, I just like the way it benumbs me."

"I understand it's a tempting drink when it comes to that. The amount of alcohol in there is deadly for your liver, though."

"Even better."

She knew he was watching her with a concerned frown on his face and when Mary looked up a moment later, she noticed again that his eyes were so much like Remus's, kind and warm, but troubled all the same. Mary sighed and lowered her gaze, his worried stare was making her feel uncomfortable. "What?"

"We all went through this phase, you know," Fabio said quietly.

"What are you talking about?"

"The feeling your entire world is falling apart, that there's nothing left to live for."

It was his time to stare ahead in the distance and Mary got the feeling he was somewhere else with his thoughts. She could almost feel the hurt radiating from him and instinctively she put her hand over his. "So what's your story?"

Fabio slowly shook his head, smiling sadly. "It's almost too corny to say, but honestly? My story… Love. My story is all about love."

He took another sip of Firewhiskey. The sadness in his eyes was almost making her forget her own problems. "Tell me," she whispered.

He sighed and played the bottle around in his hands before he handed it to her. "The region I'm from, Minas Gerais, is not the most peaceful place in Brazil. Oh, the Muggles know nothing about it, but there are three wizard tribes who have been battling to dominate the land for ages. I grew up in a fierce war, witnessed my dad and uncle getting murdered and partly because of that, I joined the child army of my tribe when I was nine years old. I thought it was the only way to protect my mother and sisters."

Mary took a sip of Firewhiskey before asking: "And you left your town because everyone you cared about died?"

"Something like that," he replied grimly, grabbing the bottle back from her and taking another gulp. "Actually, it all comes down to losing one girl."

"Oh."

"Yeah, it's the typical tragedy, isn't it? Boy meets girl at sixteen, falls in love and they get married."

"What was her name?"

"Guadeloupe. And you know, she and I would have lived happily ever after if it weren't for that group of Il Corvo Pretos-warriors."

"What happened?"

"They just stormed into our village one night a few weeks after the wedding and kidnapped 'Loupe and many others. My mother and sisters were safe, but she…" His eyes were glinting dangerously in the weak moonlight when he said: "We found them the next day in the jungle. Their clothes were dirty and torn and they were obviously strangled to death. Merlin knows what happened to them before that."

"I'm so sorry."

Fabio shrugged and took another gulp of Firewhiskey. "On the bright side, that's when I realized things had to change. I convinced mi mãe to move to a village up north, but life is a more expensive there and she couldn't afford it. So when I was twenty years old, I left them behind, tracked down Roberto's ranch and after seven years, I'm still here." He sniggered. "I'm probably the only one on this ranch who's being paid for his work."

Mary took the Firewhiskey from him and took another sip. "And what do you do with that money?"

"It goes straight to my mum. Once in a while she or one of my sisters writes me a note, although they can't visit me because they don't know the exact location of the ranch, since that would be too dangerous."

He reached for the bottle to take another gulp and Mary stared at him. "I had no idea," she said quietly and fidgeted with the sleeves of her sweater.

"I didn't expect you would," he said reasonably while studying the label. "But remember Mary, we _all_ have our backgrounds in this place. Everyone had a pretty damn good reason for coming to this ranch. Self-pity just doesn't work here. On the other hand, no one is going to blame you for what happened back in England. You had nothing to do with it, anyone in that kitchen who saw the look your face will endorse that. And the fact that your ex-boyfriend has turned into a mad mass murderer, well…"

"-I'm not even sure he did it."

Fabio shot her a close look and Mary could see he was trying to determine whether she might be temporarily insane or not. "You did see the newspaper that night, did you?" he asked after a long silence.

Mary sighed. "I know how crazy this sounds, I do." She realized her voice had started to wobble and blamed it on the alcohol. "The day after I ran away from the kitchen, I summoned the newspaper from my kitchen cabinet and read it word for word. I know how it looks and his picture scares the hell out of me, but…" Mary closed her eyes and felt the tears finding a way down her cheeks. "I know that that everything is pointing in his direction, but somehow I just know it wasn't him. I can't really explain it, but it's such a strong feeling… It's-"

"-It's faith," Fabio finished for her. She looked up at him, relieved that apparently he understood what she was feeling, only to be disappointed by the look on his face. He was looking down at her with a concerned frown, and was that a shimmer of pity in his eyes?

"Sirius Black should have considered himself a lucky man to have a girl at his side who loves and trusts him this much. I must admire that about you. It's naïve, but admirable."

He downed the last bit of Firewhiskey while Mary attempted to rub her eyes dry. "Look," she said after another pause. "I do realize I sound like a desperate nutter for still having faith in Sirius, but this is exactly why I have to go back."

"Back?" He frowned. "Back where?"

"To Britain. I need to head back for a week or so and demand some answers."

Fabio stared at her. "You do realize you've just been _buried_ there?"

"I know," Mary said as she jumped to her feet. "But I'll figure something out. I still have access to St. Mungo's. I could get some Polyjuice there and… I'm sure I'll find a way to get to Azkaban. Anything to see Sirius again." She stopped pacing in front of the porch and turned to Fabio, who was staring at her like she had lost her mind. "Will you help me get back and take care of Erin while I'm gone?"

To her surprise, he shook his head. "No."

"_No?!_"

"I'm sorry, love."

Mary – ignoring the fact he had called her "love" for the second time that night – stared at him in confusion. "W-why not?"

He sighed and, realizing the Firewhiskey was gone, reached for the jug of Exquisito di Cinamomo. "Because once you leave this place you can never come back."

Well, that was something Roberto had forgot to mention to her. Mary shook her head in confusion and wondered if she had heard this all wrong. "Excuse me?"

"Why else do you think this is such a safe place? There are two or three exceptions, but for the most part the only people who know about the ranch are living on it.'

"So what, I'm trapped on this freaking farm for the rest of my life?!"

"No, that's not how it works," Fabio said patiently. His calmness would have soothed many people, but not Mary who was getting more annoyed with his relaxed attitude by the minute. "How does it work, then?"

"You are in fact free to go as you please, but when you do, Roberto will partly disable your memory. So let's say you and Erin leave the ranch in a few years, you won't remember having lived in this place. You just think you went for a long backpacking trip across the Amazon."

"And if I leave Erin behind to keep her safe and go back to England myself…"

"You will never be able to find her again."

"I could ask Dumbledore."

Fabio shook his head. "He wouldn't be able to help you, Mary. Even Albus Dumbledore's memory is not immune to these charms. It's not a mere Memory Modifying Charm, it's a lot more powerful than that. Ancient magic and all that…"

Mary flopped back down on the porch. "So that means there is no way I can go back?"

"Not unless you never want to return. Or you should take Erin with you."

She shook her head. "I can't do that. I wouldn't care about risking my own life, but I will not endanger the life of my child, not again. I've done that enough by remaining part of the Order."

Fabio smiled lazily (Mary noticed he wasn't immune to alcohol either) and leaned back on his hands. "Forgive me saying this, but I would really like it if you stay."

Mary shrugged, sipped her strong cinnamon drink and pulled a face; the Firewhiskey had temporarily made her forget the strong taste. "I just really _want_ to go back and get some answers, you know?" she sighed. "See him again, ask what the hell he was thinking, why he did the things he has done and – well, if he turns out to actually be the traitor – I want to seriously kick his ass."

She was staring fiercely ahead as she vividly imagined herself kicking Sirius around his cell while the Dementors were trying to hold her back. Mary only looked back when she heard Fabio snigger beside her. "What?"

"You could always kick my ass," he said, his brown eyes twinkling.

She shot him a puzzled look. "Sorry?"

He laughed. "Oh, nothing. It's just that the other night Fi said I look a lot like Black and considering she thought he was one of the hottest men on earth…"

Mary gasped. "You do _not_ look like him!"

Fabio shot her a mock-hurt look. "Okay, ow. Obvious blow to the ego."

She couldn't help but laugh at his crestfallen face. "Wait, I didn't mean it like that," she jabbered. "It's not that I don't think you're handsome which you obviously are, but I was just saying that…"

Mary stopped talking when she realized what she had just said and how her words had conjured a huge smirk on Fabio's face. And to her annoyance, that smirk _did_ remind her of Sirius. She shook her head to get rid of the image and said quickly: "I just meant you don't look like _him_. Just as good-looking, but in a different way if you get what I mean."

Fabio nodded in a way that clearly said he knew exactly what she was saying and said nothing. He just continued to watch her closely and suddenly her cheeks were reddening fast. "Urrgh," she mumbled, feeling embarrassed. "And I think this is the moment where I should respectfully shut up."

"Well, I do hope I look a little less criminal," he said dryly and Mary smacked him around the head.

"Ha ha, you're hilarious."

"One would call that gallows humour, but maybe it's a little too soon for that," he said before downing the last of his Exquisito di Cinamomo. "Well, I think I've had enough of alcohol for a few months now. Time to get some sleep… Tell you what, tomorrow I will take you to the stables and show you around. You don't need to get your hands dirty or anything, it's just for fun. I'll pick you up at ten, okay?"

He got up straight and needed to balance himself by holding on to one of the poles in the process. Mary laughed. "It's a deal, although I probably won't be thanking you in the morning."

She watched him stumble down the stairs of the porch and wondered if he would ever find his home in a state like this. Then she suddenly heard herself say: "Or you could stay here for the night, if you want."

Fabio looked genuinely surprised, but his eyes were twinkling when he grinned up at her. "Is that an invitation?"

Mary glared back daringly. "It is, to sleep on the couch."

He laughed and shook his head. "Thanks, but my house is about five cabins away from yours. I think I'll manage. I see you tomorrow."

And he turned to walk away in the dark night without looking back. Mary stared after him for another moment before she forced herself to get up, throw the empty bottle of Firewhiskey in the bin and climb into bed. But it took her a long time before she finally managed to fall sleep. Her mind was flooded with the things she had discussed with Fabio. His past, the reason why there was no way she could ever return to Britain if her decision wasn't permanent and then there were images of Sirius that simply wouldn't leave her alone. He was the possible cause for everything that had happened these past few days, but why was it still feeling like she was betraying him?

* * *

The next morning, not entirely surprising, Mary awoke with a pounding headache and a heavy feeling in her stomach. The fact that it was Erin's crying that made return to the land of the living wasn't helping either. Mary groaned and, after establishing that it was only eight o'clock in the morning, heaved herself out of bed. She cradled her head with both her arms while making her way over to Erin's crib. Her head seemed to be bursting when she reached down to pick her up and a wave of nausea hit her as she was she was rocking her restless daughter in her arms.

Mary finally managed to calm Erin down after another few minutes. She put her daughter back down in the crib and stumbled to the kitchen. She opened the cabinet and summoned a maxi-bottle of water. She gulped down half of it and expected to feel a bit better, but instead of getting rid of the nausea, she soon realized there was no way she was going to hold the water in. She only just made it to the toilet.

As she was resting her head on the toilet seat (she was grateful for the fact she had only cleaned it yesterday), Mary groaned and rubbed her aching head. This wasn't normal. Sure, she had dealt with hangovers before and a fierce headache and a lack of appetite were pretty normal signs that she had been drunk the previous night. But she used to be one of those girls who never threw up when they had too much to drink, a talent Lily and Brice had always been jealous of. But now, Mary feared she wasn't able to let go of this toilet seat at all today.

Mary closed her eyes and waited until another wave of nausea had passed. She sighed and tried to think of happier days. She suddenly remembered the last time she had been this nauseous. A holiday with the guys and Brice, Lily and Alice in France, that particularly sunny day when she had found out she was pregnant with Erin… Mary's eyes shot open. No, no-no, no, no, no, she thought. That was impossible. Not now, _no way_. She was just late because of all the stress, certainly she couldn't be pregnant now. Of _him_?

She jerked up her head from the toilet seat and snapped her eyes shut because a dozen invisible hands seemed to be banging on her head. Mary tried to fight down the panic that was rising up fast. If she really thought about it, when had she ever been late before? The first and only time that happened, she had turned out to be pregnant. Mary heaved herself up and slowly made her way over to the kitchen, keeping her head as level as possible. She crouched down in front of the cabinet and summoned everything she needed: Valerian roots, oatstaw, raspberry leaves, rosehip….

Mary quickly mashed the ingredients together and put a rich layer of the pulp on the inside of her right wrist. Sighing, she placed the tip of her wand against it: "_Gravitocernus_." While the seconds were ticking by, she walked over to the tall mirror above the couch in the living room and stared at her reflection. She had never looked more like a mess. Her hair was all over the place, her eyes were red, her skin looked gaunt and she had lost at least six pounds over the last few weeks.

And there was only one thing what could make her feel worse. After waiting for another few minutes, Mary used the inside of her t-shirt to brush off the pulp with shaking hands. And there it was: clear as day, a bright blue spot that explained it all: she was pregnant. Mary stared at her reflection in horror and actually wished she would faint on the spot; anything to block out the haunting thoughts that were rushing through her mind at this very moment. She was all alone here in Brazil and pregnant. Did Sirius have the right to know she was carrying his second child?

Of course he did, but there was no way she could return to England now. Her decision to leave the ranch would have to be permanent, and why on earth would she take her pregnant self and Erin back to a place where Death Eaters would be positively aching to chase her down? Mary was pinching her wrist, but she didn't even feel the pain. Sirius would never know he had another child with her, and if he turned out to be innocent Mary would never be able to forgive herself for keeping this pregnancy from him. But another, more prominent thought was starting to trouble her even more. Because if Sirius was guilty of betraying her and James and Lily, _if_ he really was a Death Eater, that meant Mary had to protect Erin or her little brother and sister from ever finding out about Sirius. Because how on earth was she supposed to tell them their dad was a numerous traitor and mass murderer?

********** End of Update **********

* Song from the title: Rowing Song by Patty Griffin


	7. Six: Under Pressure

**Author's note**: Slight warning in advance, because this chapters contains a few hints to a mature theme. It really doesn't go all that far, but a warning never hurt anyone, right?

**Dedication**: To GirlMarauderJonas, cheers!

**Disclaimer**: Rien, nothing, nada etcetera…

**Six: Under Pressure**

Mary was still staring at her ghostly white reflection by the time she heard a quiet knock on the front door. She didn't move, not even when it opened with a soft squeaky sound. Her body remained in the same position as it had been since the moment she found out she was pregnant. She could not explain it, but for some reason this state of shock was keeping her calm; she knew that the moment she moved her bemused state mind would shoot back into gear and make her most recent discovery definite. And Mary may not know everything, but she was quite sure she preferred thinking this was all just a very bad dream.

Which is why she did not respond to her guest, not even when it turned out to be Fabio. "Mary?" he asked, still standing in the doorway.

When she didn't reply, he walked inside and, as he held up a brown paper bag, said: "Bacon and omelette-sandwich, which is the one and only true remedy to cure a hangover. I asked Natalya to make you one with extra bacon so that the salt can…"

His voice faltered when he noticed Mary was still in her nightgown and staring into the mirror. "Er… right," he said after a pause. "Slightly dishevelled look you've got going there, but I think I can dig that… eventually."

Mary, realizing the spell of her trance was already broken anyway, finally turned towards him. "What are you doing here?" she asked hoarsely.

He grinned. "A lovely good morning to you too. I thought we agreed to pay the stables a visit, but considering the state we were in last night, I wouldn't be surprised if I made that part up. I don't exactly remember what last night was all about, that Firewhiskey is some hellish drink! Now, I was also feeling like crap earlier, but Natalya's food works miracles. So eat that up and then we can g-"

"I'm not hungry."

"You may not be now, but when you take the first bite of this… Better be quick, though, it's still warm."

Mary pinched her eyes shut, hardly noticing her nails were still digging into the flesh of her wrist. Eating a bacon and omelette-sandwich was about the last thing on her mind right now. She turned back to the mirror and heaved a few deep sighs, trying to push back the renewed rush of panic that was rising up in her throat. Fabio finally seemed to realize something was wrong. He put the bag down on the coffee table and stepped up to her. "Hey, are you alright?" he asked, putting a hand on her shoulder.

She looked at him with watery eyes. "No," she whispered back. "I am not."

"What's going on?"

Mary hesitated for a moment but then slowly stopped digging her nails into her wrist and held it up to Fabio's face. He blinked a few times, looking confused, but contrary to Sirius he did recognize the blue spot for what it was. "Wha- Are you… meu Deus, are you _pregnant_?"

It was even more confronting to hear someone else say it. Mary sniffed and nodded and as she crossed her arms, she realized that her arms were shaking. Fabio gazed at her with an open mouth until something seemed to click inside his brain. He jumped back in alarm, knocking over the coffee table in the process. Mary looked at him in shock, but he continued to walk backwards. "Ehm," he mumbled, holding up his hands. "How could this- I mean, last night… Did we…?"

She could not believe her own ears. What exactly was he implying here? "_What?_" she shrieked, looking horrified. "No, of course not!"

Fabio relaxed instantly. "Oh, good."

His reaction angered Mary even more. She knew it was wrong to scold him for something he had absolutely nothing to do with, but he was the only one around and she needed to vent her frustration on someone. "Jezus, you're a freaking idiot!" she called angrily. "Do you actually think I could be confirmed pregnant _that_ soon?"

"Er no, well, I was just thinking…"

"-And are you saying that "if" we had sex," Mary continued, feeling even more annoyed, "you wouldn't even remember the next day?"

"Oh believe me, sleeping with you is definitely something I would remember, cherish even. But it's just that when I get really pissed I usually have forgotten everything by the time I wake up the next day. Seriously," he continued quickly when he noticed Mary was starting to look a little less angry. "They could drown me in Veritaserum and I would not be able to recall it."

"So you remember nothing of last night?"

"Not much, just that we were drinking on your porch and talked a lot. Did I explain when and how I got on the ranch?"

She nodded and he smiled wryly. "Yeah, I thought so." He took a few steps forward until he was standing in front of her. "It's okay, though. I want you to know. So it's Black's, then?"

Mary looked at him and didn't know what to reply to that. She didn't know if she could have if she wanted to, her vocal cords once again seemed blocked by the familiar rush of panic. And she knew that this time, she was not going to be able to push it away. Not when she was just realizing this was no dream after all. She was pregnant and the father of this child would not be around to help; heck, he did not even know he was becoming a dad for the second time. Would he care at all if he knew? Mary put a shaking hand to her forehead and noticed she was trembling on her legs. "What am I gonna do now?" she whispered, more to herself than to Fabio.

He opened his mouth to reply, but closed it again before actually saying it. Tears were falling down Mary's cheeks and she closed her eyes in an attempt to make the dancing spots in front of her disappear. This didn't happen; she was starting to feel dizzy and had to hold on to the heavy mirror in order to stay on her feet. This only worked for a few seconds before the mirror came down with a loud crash and Mary's legs gave way under her. Fabio jumped forward and caught her only just in time. He dropped down to his knees as he pulled her close to him; for a moment they just sat on the floor, surrounded by about a hundred pieces of glass, twinkling in the morning sunlight.

Mary clung on to his neck and cried in the presence of someone else for the first time since she had arrived on the ranch. Because of what had happened to her and her friends, of not knowing how she should feel about Sirius, of the injustice of it all, of getting pregnant without planning it _again_, of hating her life and everything in it and finally: hating herself for feeling this way. Fabio said nothing for a long time; he merely held her and stroke her back in a soothing manner. But after another while, he gently pushed her back up and put a cool hand against her cheek. "It's going to be okay," he said softly. "We'll figure something out."

She sniffed and rubbed her eyes. "How? How on earth is this going to be okay?"

Fabio shot her a long look while biting his lip and he was about to answer when they heard the sound of crying coming from the bedroom. Looked like Erin had decided to wake up again. Mary suppressed a groan and took a deep breath before trying to get to her feet, but Fabio stopped her. "I'll take care of that," he said calmly while getting up. "You go and take a shower. We'll talk about what we're going to do later."

He reached for his wand and waved it around. The pieces of glass flew back together and into the frame, making the mirror look as impeccable as before. Mary shot him a grateful look. "Thanks, I better go freshing up then. I bet I smell like I spent the night in the dustbin."

Fabio smiled. "Your words, not mine."

He pulled her back up and kept his hands on hers for a moment. "Not feeling dizzy anymore?"

Mary shook her head. "No, it's gone. For now, that is."

She slowly released herself from his grip and headed towards the bathroom while Fabio walked to the bedroom to check on Erin. When Mary returned to the living room (with wet hair and wearing fresh clothes) a little while later, she found Fabio and her daughter in the kitchen. He was sitting on one of the stools with the baby on his lap and repeatedly blew against her nose; Erin was crowing with joy and she pushed her little fingers to his lips. Mary hastily pushed back a recent memory of Sirius and Erin in the exact same position and walked over to them. "Hey," Fabio said when he spotted her.

Erin reached out her arms to her mother and Mary gently took the baby from him. "She's quite the squealer, this kid of yours," he said as he watched her kiss Erin's head.

Mary smiled back weakly. "She's teething."

"Ah, that explains a lot."

"Yeah, the crying is even worse than before, and that is saying something, I can tell you."

"I can imagine. Listen," he said as he got up from his chair, "the bacon and omelette-sandwich is a lost case, but you really must eat something before we go."

She frowned at him. "Go where?"

"The stables! Roberto told me you grew up on a farm with horses, so a visit might take your mind of things for a moment. Besides, I have to know if you know a way of dealing with that insufferable excuse of an Unicorn in box 14."

"You mean Pegasus?"

"Yes! I swear that if that stallion remains this unmanageable, I will send him straight to the nearest butcher and have him made into a shaslick for the next annual barbecue on the ranch."

Mary failed to hold back a laugh. "He cannot be that bad."

"Well, let's find out, shall we?"

"But I cannot leave Erin behind… Is Natalya around?"

"No, she and Roberto are off for business till later this afternoon, but we could ask Fi to look after Erin."

Mary arched an eyebrow. "Fiona?"

Fabio nodded, unaware of the scepticism in her voice. "She takes care of the little twins all the time." He conjured a bowl of chopped fresh tropical fruit. "Have this on the way to Fiona," he said, handing the bowl to Mary. "You eat, and I'll carry Erin."

* * *

They arrived at the stables about an hour later. Fabio waved at Sayid and Eduardo on the way, who were on horseback and busy driving a small group of cows and their calves down a steep slope. He was the first one to enter the stables and Mary followed him inside. She wasn't sure what to expect, but her jaw literally dropped when she established the vastness of the room; from outside the stables resembled a poor and old-looking barn, but in reality the magical building was bigger than the Great Hall of Hogwarts and looked liked it could fit over sixty horses. Each and every one of the boxes was roomy and well maintained. The wooden door and walls of the boxes were topped with a rich layer of green and gold paint. Mary was still looking around in awe when Fabio noticed her astonished gaze and laughed. "Not quite what you expected, is it?"

"Er… no," she admitted, turning red. "I didn't mean-"

"I know you didn't. There is no real reason for making the stables look like a ruin from outside. Roberto just feels we shouldn't brag over the current prosperity of the ranch and I agree. Ah, here we are."

They paused in front of a box numbered "fourteen" (along with the name Pegasus which was engraved into the wood below) right next to a small room with a water pump and food supplies. The beautiful magical creature inside was snoozing in a corner, but this all changed the minute he was realizing Fabio was standing in front of his box. The Unicorn jumped forward and menacingly pushed his horn through the bars. Mary instinctively took a step backwards and Fabio scowled at the stallion. "Bloody moron," he muttered darkly before walking into the room with food supplies.

"You're giving him oat?" Mary asked curiously when she watched Fabio loading a bucket with food.

"Yeah, why?"

"Well, he's already feeling restless and oat will make him even more worked up. You should try bix instead."

Fabio shot her a long look before he nodded slowly. "You may be onto something there. Alright then, let's do this."

They walked back to Pegasus's box. The stallion snorted angrily and banged the hoofs of his front legs on the ground. "Why don't you let me?" Mary asked.

"Are you sure? He could seriously injure you with his horn and in your current condition..."

"I'm sure," she nodded, not taking her eyes of the Unicorn as she attentively watched the animal's behaviour. "He's just trying to overawe us a bit. He's not going to attack me."

"If you're sure," Fabio said, still not entirely convinced. He handed her the bucket of food and she walked up to the door and opened it.

For a moment she half-expected Pegasus to burst out of the box and undermining her theory, but he didn't. Instead the stallion backed away until he was standing at the very end of the stable. Mary stepped inside and almost closed the door behind her, keeping her eyes on the Unicorn the entire time. Making sure she was not making any sudden movements, she slowly moved forward till she was standing in front of him. Pegasus eyed her suspiciously, but did not move. Mary stretched out her arm and held her hand in front of the Unicorn's nose. The stallion sniffed it a few times before he softly licked the salt of her palm.

"What are you doing?" Fabio asked, sounding worried.

"Letting him get used to the smell of me."

"But he could bite you!"

"Not when you're keeping your hand as vertical as this," Mary replied, smiling slightly.

Pegasus was now done with licking her hand and had lowered his head to the bucket in Mary's other hand. "Oh, you're hungry now, aren't you?" she asked softly.

She carried the bucket to the wall and put it down next to the bucket of water. Pegasus had obediently followed her and started to eat hungrily. Mary softly stroke the stallion's silvery manes for a moment before she slowly walked out of the box, wiping her hands on her jeans in the process. Fabio was staring at a peaceful Unicorn having dinner with his mouth hanging wide open. "How in the name of Merlin did you do that?"

"I came in carrying a white flag, didn't you see?"

"No seriously, that is an entirely different animal. I have been working with horselike creatures for years, but I could never make it work with this one. What is your secret?"

"I approached him with an open mind. No really," she said when she saw the incredulous look on his face, "Unicorns are even more sensitive at detecting a person's feelings than ordinary horses. And you obviously dislike him. Admittedly, Unicorns – especially stallions – are less hostile to women than men. That said, why are you keeping an Unicorn anyway?"

Fabio leaned back against the door of the opposite box. "To protect an endangered species."

"Endangered?" Mary frowned. "There are hundreds of Unicorn herds in England alone."

"In Britain yes, but over here Unicorns are rarely seen. Which is why we keep one herd here on the ranch, just in case."

"So where are the other Unicorns?"

"Outside. Last time I saw the mares and foals they were sheltering from the sun under a group of trees near a shallow pool."

"The mares and their foals?" Mary snorted. "So _that's_ why Pegasus here is getting all worked up! You separated him from his girls."

Fabio laughed. "Only temporarily," he said as he started to walk back to the entrance of the stable. "Come, the main house is not far from here. Let's get ourselves a glass of iced water and lemon."

When they walked into the kitchen of the main house it appeared to be empty. Fabio told Mary to sit down and relax while he was fetching them some drinks. She looked around the room and realized she hadn't been here since the night that horrible edition of the Daily Prophet arrived. That night when she thought things could not possibly get any worse. How very wrong she had been…

Mary sighed and forced herself to think off anything but her recently discovered pregnancy. However, this was an impossible task when Fabio returned with the drinks. "There you go," he said as sat down on the edge of the table and looked at her. "You should drink a lot, especially with…" He made a half-heartened gesture to her flat stomach and Mary resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

"I know," she said shortly before gulping down half of her glass in one go. The water was so cold it made her throat hurt. "I've been through all that before, remember?"

"Yeah, but even so: you've been drinking a lot of alcohol these past few days, so I'm thinking litres of water should be the perfect remedy. After all, pregnant women shouldn't drink great amounts of alcohol."

"Who's pregnant?"

They jerked up their heads. Jonathan, carrying two baskets full of lemons, peaches and mango's, was standing in the doorway. He walked inside and put the baskets on the table before looking down at a shocked Mary and Fabio. "Come on, I can keep a secret," he grinned, interpreting their flustered faces the wrong way. "Who's the lucky lady?"

Mary's brains were working at full speed to come up with a clever lie, but she made the mistake of looking up at Jonathan, who knew her pretty well and whose eyes were now widening with shock. "Nooooo…" he gasped.

"Jonathan," Fabio said placidly.

But Jonathan was already clapping his hand to his mouth. "Oh. My. God," he panted, pointing at her. "You're _pregnant_?!"

Mary exchanged a glance with Fabio before shooting Jonathan a pleading look. "Please don't tell-"

"-You've got to be kidding me!" Jonathan cried, flapping his hand in front of his face in an attempt to calm himself down, before continuing to jabber: "Pregnant, from Black? Are you serious? I mean, you clearly were _with_ Sirius, but pregnant? From him, now? Merlin's Beard, that is _messed up_!"

"Jonathan…" Fabio said warningly.

He rolled his eyes and sat down. "Alright, alright. Geez, keep your pants on," he muttered, looking a bit annoyed.

"With you in the room I most definitely will," Fabio replied dryly before turning back to Mary. "Listen, we'll talk about this later, alright? I have four horses to train before dinner, so I must go." He placed a hand on her shoulder. "We'll figure this out, I promise."

He shot her one last pointed look before getting up, snatching a peach from Jonathan's basket and walking outside without another word. Mary continued to stare at an old wine spot on the table, postponing the moment of having to look up as long as possible. At last, when the repeated coughs and sighs were getting on her nerves, she looked up and met Jonathan's curious gaze. "What?!" she snapped.

"Is it really true? Are you… pregnant?"

She sniffed. "Yes."

"Of him?"

She merely nodded.

"You're pretty screwed, then."

Mary groaned and dropped her head to her arms. She wished she could roll up like a ball in a corner, fall asleep and only wake up when all of this didn't happen after all. She would be back home, safely sleeping in Sirius's arms and later that day she and Lily would take Harry and Erin out for a walk in Hyde Park. But she knew that it was reality that had turned into the dream, and not the other way around.

"So what are you going to do now?"

"I don't know," she mumbled.

"You aren't considering to keep the baby, right?"

Mary shrugged. "It's not like I have other options."

"Of course you do," Jonathan said resolutely. "Do you want to have this baby or not?"

"No," she replied instantly and immediately felt guilty. "Yes… I don't know!"

"Well, I think you shouldn't," he said after another pause. "You're already forced to bring up one child without a father, although all things considered… Erin should be glad she'll never know that crazed mass-murderer…"

Mary slowly lifted her head from her arms. "I'm not even sure Sirius is guilty, Jonathan."

He stared at her and for a moment Mary thought she could see that he was considering to smack some sense into her, but he restrained himself. Instead, he managed to conjure a smile on his face. "Okay, but we're not talking about that here. Do you really want to bring another kid into the world with such a cursed ancestry, Mary?"

She tiredly massaged her temples. "Why are you saying this?"

He shrugged indifferently. "Just throwing in my two cents. I think you're a mindless fool if you keep this baby, but that's me. And what do I know?"

Mary looked at him and frowned thoughtfully. Was Jonathan right? Would it be better to break off the pregnancy and be done with it? Erase any further evidence that would lead back to her past with Sirius Black? They remained sitting there for a long time; she and Jonathan did not speak another word to each other and only looked up when Roberto and Natalya walked into the kitchen, each of them carrying baskets and bags of food supplies. Both of them jumped up to help them unpack. Mary assisted Roberto and when he kindly asked her how she was doing, she lied. He continued to talk about the main things that needed to be done on the ranch, so she did not notice when Jonathan ushered Natalya to follow him to Roberto's study room.

They did not come back till an hour later when all the groceries had been cleared away and Roberto was playing a game of cards with Mary and Fabio and Sayid, who had returned from the stables together. Sayid had won three games in a row and Mary noticed Roberto did not stand losing well. Contrary to Fabio, who was joking he never understood anything about this card game anyway. "Having fun?" Natalya asked Roberto when she appeared next to Mary's seat.

Her husband muttered something about an unfair game and lousy cards and she smiled. "I can see that," she said before looking at Mary. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

"Er alright," Mary replied, exchanging a worried glance with Fabio, who was looking just as surprised. But as she followed Natalya out of the kitchen his eyes slowly shifted to Jonathan who was trying a little too hard to solve the crossword puzzle in the Daily Prophet. And everyone knew he _hated_ crossword puzzles.

But Mary had already entered the study room. Natalya beckoned her to sit down. She herself had already sat down on the other side of the desk. "How are you holding up?" she asked when Mary had lowered herself into one of the arm chairs.

"I'm fine," Mary replied a little too quickly and Natalya raised her eyebrows.

"I'll be frank with you, Mary," she said. "I am not good at chit-chat. I rather cut right to the chase and have it over with. When did you discover you are pregnant?"

Mary looked stunned. "Wha- How did you…?" It was at that moment that she remembered Jonathan helped Natalya with unpacking the groceries and she huffed. "That vile git…."

"Well, that "vile git" may have done you a big favour. How are you feeling?"

"Er, I don't know. Confused, mostly. Occasionally nauseated. But I just can't get my head around the fact that I got pregnant. I mean, how is that even possible?"

A tiny smile crept onto the woman's face. "Ah… Well Mary, when a guy and a girl like each other very much, they tend to undress each other and-"

"Yes, I see your point!" Mary cried, unable to hide a smile herself as she held up her hand in protest.

"Did you use protection?"

"Of course. Ever since Erin "happened" we've been very careful."

"I see, but even a contraception spell isn't flawless. The caster could be a little distracted while performing the spell, the incantation might be pronounced incorrectly…"

"Or maybe I'm just this superfertile woman," Mary interrupted.

Natalya chuckled. "I sincerely doubt that, but alright… Either way, what are you going to do about this?"

"I thought I didn't have a choice."

"You _always_ have a choice, Mary."

Natalya shot her a expectant look and Mary sighed. "I… I don't know. And what do you know about it?"

"Quite a lot, if I say so myself."

"But… No offence, but you're a housewife."

"I am now, but I used to work as an Obstetrics Healer."

"Oh."

"Like I was saying, Mary, you are welcome to have this baby and there'll always be room on this ranch to let your children grow up here safely. All I'm saying is that you need to thoroughly think this through before making up your mind. There is still time to break off the pregnancy, but rather sooner than later."

"Do you think..?"

"I think absolutely nothing about this," she replied calmly. "This must and will be your decision, but whatever you decide upon, I will respect it.

Mary swallowed with difficulty. She hated to admit it, but it was hard to not feel tempted by Natalya's words. "I… But the baby, will it feel anything?"

"Not a thing." Natalya got up from her seat and pulled a glass flask from the pocket of her dress. It was filled with a liquid that resembled the dark ground of a ditch: not exactly a tasty drink, but it would have a dark purpose after all. Natalya poured the potion into a cupper goblet (the content hissed ominously) and put it down in front of Mary. "I will leave you now," she said and briefly placed her hand on Mary's shoulder before leaving the room and quietly closing the door behind her.

Mary stared at the goblet in front of her for a while. Not only did the draft look like bottom of a ditch, it smelled like it too. Nevertheless, she would be lying if she said she wasn't tempted by swallowing the potion down and end her agony. Jonathan may have had a better take on things than she did earlier that afternoon. How on earth was she supposed to deal with another pregnancy? To burden this unborn child with the same dark history Erin was going to deal with eventually. Or would there be a way to keep the truth about their father from them forever?

She sighed and shook her head, knowing that was not the case. There would be questions about their missing dad eventually, she knew that all too well. Mary stared down into the goblet. Drinking up this smelly sludge would at least make things a little less hard than they were now. The potion hissed and a dark spiral of smoke came up and reached her nostrils. Mary gagged, how was she supposed to keep a potion like this inside? She rested her head in her hands and felt a sudden rush of nausea wash over her; it was like the unborn child was trying to have a say in this as well.

But then… It wasn't this child's fault that its father may have committed a terrible crime and forced its mother to flee the country. She closed her eyes and forced herself to listen to her body, it was giving her a clear sign. _Do not break off this pregnancy. You will regret it if you do…_ Mary put a hand over her abdomen and almost smiled. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "Sorry for considering to give you up. And for almost killing you with my binge drinking of the last few days," she added as an afterthought. Mary got up from her chair and picked up the goblet. She cast one last look at the ominously hissing potion before resolutely casting the whole lot into the fireplace and heading outside, the empty goblet still in her hand, entirely ignorant about the blackish content which had landed on the pile of wood in the fireplace and was hissing and smoking as it slowly started to dissolve the bark.

********** End of Update **********

* Song from the title: Under Pressure by David Bowie/Queen.


	8. Seven: Not As We

**Author's note:** The last line of this update refers to a chilling beautiful song I dedicated this chapter to. A song that matches the content of this update perfectly. If you've never heard it before, head over to YouTube and check it out when you have time. You will not be disappointed, I promise!

**Dedication: **To newcomer missykirstenblack. Welcome!

**Disclaimer:** Not mine…

**Seven: ****Not As We***

Mary was still convinced she made the right decision when she walked back into the kitchen and met Fabio's gaze. His eyes had dropped to the empty goblet in her hands and back and he looked sincerely worried, but Mary gave him a reassuring smile before she walked over to Natalya who was preparing dinner behind the stove. "And?" she asked when Mary handed her the goblet.

"Let's just say the logs in the fireplace won't be having little logs anytime soon."

Natalya smiled. "Good for you."

She put the goblet down on the sink with the rest of the dishes and got back to work. Mary looked around, realizing there was still a lot to do (cutting ingredients to name one task). "Normally I would have insisted in helping you with this dinner, but right now I could really use some fresh air."

"That's fine, Mary. As long as you don't forget dinner is served in half an hour."

"Of course. Thanks, Natalya," Mary said gratefully as she turned to walk out of the kitchen. She made sure to ignore Jonathan as she passed him on her way outside. At least she pretended to not see the questioning look on his face, which of course she did.

Once outside Mary took a few deep breaths and let the evening rays of sunlight warm her face. Her hand was on her abdomen like she was still trying to reassure her baby that it was safe now. She leaned against one of the pillars on the large porch and stared out over the wide grass-lands next to it. They stretched out as far as the eye could see and – not for the first time – Mary wondered how big this ranch truly was. She did not even know she had company when someone was standing next to her with his hands in his pockets. It did not really surprise her this person was Jonathan.

"So," he concluded when his eyes dropped to Mary's hand on her abdomen. "You're keeping it after all."

Mary, not feeling the need to answer him, merely shrugged and stubbornly continued to stare out over the fields.

"Are you sure about that?" Jonathan persisted.

Mary rolled her eyes and looked at him after all. "Yes, which apparently means I really _am_ the mindless fool you were already taking me for."

Jonathan laughed. "Who said I was?"

"You did! You said earlier, and I quote: 'I think you're a mindless fool if you're keeping this baby, but that's just me'." She shot him a defiant glare as if to say 'I'd like to see you talk your way out of that one'. To her annoyance, Jonathan started to laugh even harder.

"Right you are. I did say that, didn't I? Well, I think now that you've made a decision it's safe to say I did that on purpose."

"Pardon me?"

"I saw your expression when you were staring down at the table earlier. You clearly were in doubt of what would be the right thing to do. I figured you would make up your mind sooner if I pushed it a little further."

"So you didn't want me get through with it after all?"

"Of course not. I love babies, even if the father is a treacherous rat who deserves to rot in prison for the rest of his life."

Mary stared at him. "You realise your 'talk' about burdened ancestries almost made me give up this baby?"

He sniggered. "No, you wouldn't. If there's one thing I know about you, it's your stubbornness to do things _your_ way even though several people try to talk you out of it."

Mary was still staring at him with an open mouth, partly because she realized Jonathan was right and also because apparently he really _did_ know her. Was she really that easy to fathom? She only remembered to close her mouth when they were joined by Fabio and Fiona, who was carrying a very restless Erin. Fiona seemed all too happy about giving her back to Mary. "Erin's a real squealer every now and then. I could hardly calm her down. Totally different from Guido or Diego."

"She's probably still getting used to the weather", Fabio noted. "Brazil's quite a change from cold and rainy England, I reckon."

Mary nodded. "Yeah, probably." She put a hand to Erin's forehead and noticed the baby's skin felt hot and clammy. "She's also a little feverish. I better take her home right now."

"Do you want me to come along?" Fiona asked.

"Nah, I'll be fine." Mary hoisted Erin a little higher on her hip and carefully walked down the stairs of the porch. She had just reached the end of the lawn when she heard running footsteps approaching fast. "Hey," Fabio said when he reached her. "I really think you shouldn't be alone right now."

"Actually," Mary said, "that is exactly what I need."

"Are you sure?" he asked, still panting a little.

She nodded. "Please let Natalya know I'll be eating at home tonight. I just want to spend this night with Erin alone. Can you understand that?"

"Not really. I think the last thing you should do is isolating yourself even more."

"I am not-"

"You are, Mary, but it is not up to me to do anything about that. Either way… Roberto has asked me to talk to you about working in the stables. He wants you to start tomorrow."

"Er… alright," Mary said, a little dazed about Fabio's sudden mood change from being involved to acting indifferent in less than a second. "What time do you want me to be at the stables?"

"At seven in the morning."

She groaned inwardly. It was no secret that Mary sincerely hated getting up early in the morning, but she managed to conjure a smile on her face anyway. "I'll be there."

"Don't be late," Fabio replied shortly before shooting her one last look and walking off.

* * *

Over the next few weeks Mary got a taste of what her life was going to be like from now on. The moment she arrived at the stables Fabio had put her to work. Together with him, Sayid, Eduardo and a rugged-looking Irish woman called Jolene she was constantly cleaning stables, taking care of and feeding horses before training them, brushing up saddles and bridles: it was hard work, but oddly enough Mary appreciated it. She loved getting closer to the animals every day; the moment they had started to recognize her was one to cherish and she worked long and hard, only taking breaks when she had to make a run for the bathroom when the nausea kicked in.

And that was happening more often than when she had been pregnant with Erin. This time there were no Lily-Potions to suppress the waves of nausea and Mary also felt exhausted rather quickly, but she was not sure this was due to the lack of the Potion or because she had been doing a lot of heavy labour lately. Either way, Mary was always looking forward to those days she was working at the hospital of Arraial D'Ajuda. Even though her boss, the infamous Carmalita, was more strict than McGonagall had ever been and Mary often found herself thinking she missed Pierce, she did enjoy Healing patients more than ever. The hospital she worked in was small and the Healers were wearing indigo robes instead of the lime green ones Mary knew from St. Mungo's. The robes were still as formless as ever, but on the bright side, Mary thought, the indigo really brought out the colour of her eyes.

The hospital was the only place in Brazil Mary knew about employees were wearing robes and she was beginning to understand why. Even in December the Brazilian air was still swelteringly hot and the temperatures seemed to be rising rather than drop. It took Mary another week to realize this was because it was Spring and that Summer was upon them in December, January and February. Months when her own country was dealing with rain and snow, a sight Mary doubted she would ever see again. One day when she had asked Fabio if there even was such a thing as rain season in Brazil, he explained that the northeast coast was a particularly dry region, but that there would be plenty of rain showers in Autumn. Meaning in April, May and June.

Speaking of Fabio, Mary did not really know what to think of him anymore. Ever since the day she had decided to keep the baby he had been acting differently. It was not like he did no longer speak to her or was unkind, but he did seem more distant than before. Mary did not really understand what had changed between them, but she didn't have the energy to deal with that on top of everything else. She knew she was going to have to talk to him about it eventually, but for the moment she had decided it was best to leave it – or rather, him – alone.

Instead, Mary focused on finally moving on. She had picked up the remains of what she had left and tried to make the best of it. It was not easy, but what other choice did she have? Not a single day went by without thinking about Sirius; her slowly growing stomach was just one reason she kept thinking about him and whether he had died by now. She reasoned his death would surely be mentioned in the Daily Prophet, so she kept a close eye on the newspaper for a while.

But no such message or article ever occurred, and after the horrifying news about Frank and Alice Longbottom being tortured till they went insane, the announcements about the war or Death Eaters slowly died away, like the wizarding world was desperately trying to put Voldemort and everything that happened these past few years behind them and move on. This led Mary to believe Sirius might not be dead yet, but that he had definitely lost his mind by now. After all, everyone went crazy in Azkaban sooner or later, didn't they?

Mary would be lying if she said she was not feeling guilty about moving on, but she tried to remember the promise she made to Sirius that night in St. Mungo's, or at least the Sirius _she_ had known. All things considered she was doing exactly what he had asked her to do; that he would not find out he was the father of two children instead of one was just an unfortunate coincidence. Mary soothed her conscience with the knowledge that Sirius would never know any of this anyway.

But moving on was more than an emotional development. Yes, Mary made sure she worked hard and was always there for other people when they needed her to be, but that was just step one of her metamorphosis. Step two was cutting off her hair. Mary had had long hair as long as she remembered, and cutting it off was like breaking away and leaving that part of her life behind her forever. Gone were the famous wavy curls that fell all the way down her lower back and hello to loose curls that only just reached her shoulders. Mary was sure she would never forget the look of shock on Jonathan's face when she walked inside with her new haircut.

"What happened to your hair?" he had cried out, making sure the entire kitchen's eyes were focused on her.

"A Gytrash was hungry for curls and took a little bite," Mary replied dryly and sat down between him and Fiona before clarifying: "I went to that hairdresser near the beach."

Jonathan was close to hyperventilating. "But your hair, Mary! Your _hair_?! That was about the one thing you had going for you."

Sayid snorted into his soup and even Fabio, Mary noticed, could not hide a smile. Mary on the other hand shot Jonathan a mock-hurt look. "Thanks. Anyway, I just needed a cut from the old me, if you get what I'm saying."

"No," Jonathan said resolutely, looking as indignant as if it was his own hair that had been cut. "You're just not Mary without the long hair."

Mary smiled as she swallowed down a spoonful of soup. "Well yeah, that was sort of the idea."

"But please tell me you're letting it grow long again," Jonathan said pleadingly.

She rolled her eyes and was about to reply when Fiona intervened. "Bugger off, Jonathan. I think Mary's hair looks absolutely amazing."

"Thanks Fi," Mary smiled.

"So does that mean you're now a fully free woman again?" Sayid asked.

"Almost," Mary replied and she noticed Fabio was watching her with an unreadable expression in his eyes. She decided to ignore it and focused on Sayid. "There is just one more thing I must do."

* * *

And that was going to be the hardest part. Mary had finally realized that she wanted to protect her children from harm as much as possible. Growing up without a father was going to be hard enough, but they did not necessarily know the whole truth about what happened back in the war. Which is why she had decided to change Erin's last name. Mary certainly did not take this decision lightly. It was a radical thing to do and she realized all too well that Sirius would never forgive her if he knew, but to avoid certain questions from her kids _and_ it was inevitable to make sure both her children carried the same last name. _Her_ last name.

It took another few days before she had the courage to finally head down to Roberto's study room and ask for advice. Roberto patiently listened to what she was saying and merely nodded and occasionally wrote down a few words until she had finished her story. "I understand what you are saying," he said after a pause. "And I actually think this is a very good idea."

"You do?"

"Yes. Changing Erin's name would solve several complicated matters you were going to have to deal with in future. Think of the moment when Erin, and later on her little brother or sister, goes to school for the first time. It would be naïve to think there are not going to be questions. Voldemort and the war may not have been a great deal here in Brazil, but everyone heard about the Potter's betrayal by their best friend Sirius Black. Friendship and loyalty are a very big thing in Brazilian culture, you see."

Mary nodded slowly. "I understand, but sir-"

"Roberto."

"Er… Roberto, you must know that this is not easy for me."

"Of course it isn't, but you said that above all, you want to protect your children. And this Mary, would be a big step in the right direction."

"But changing Erin's last name, is that even possible?"

Roberto thought for a moment. "Well, of course in England your, deceased, daughter will always remain Erin Black, but here in Brazil… Let's just say I know a guy at the Brazilian Ministry who could help us out. Technically no one from the Ministry knows you're living here, but this person can be trusted. He could make the change for you. And from that moment on, Erin Black no longer exists in Brazil. Contrary to Erin Woods, of course. Or did you have another name in mind?"

Mary frowned. "Is that possible?"

"Of course. If that's the case my contactman will have to change your name as well."

She hesitated. "I… Okay, this is going to sound really stupid, but I'm rather attached to the name Woods. It's… It's all I have left from where I come from.

Mary was shocked to hear those words coming from her mouth. For someone who was trying so hard to break away from her past, changing her last name would be the best course of action. But for some reason that would feel like betrayal; not only to her parents, but to herself as well. If she continued to cut everything about her past out of her life, eventually she would cease to exist as well. Mary's mind got suddenly pulled back to the present when she realized Roberto had said something. "I'm sorry, could you repeat that?"

Roberto shot her a look and Mary couldn't tell whether or not he was annoyed that she had not been listening. "I said that I don't think it's necessary to change your own last name as well. After all, you were never married to Black. But I do want you to be one hundred percent sure about this, because once I contacted the Ministry, there will be no turning back."

Mary nodded slowly, trying to suppress the sudden lump in her throat. How could she be getting so upset over something as random as a name? "I am sure. I want Erin to be named after me, for I am now the only parent she will know, and always will be."

If Roberto had heard the obvious emotion in her voice, he did a fair good job at ignoring it. He reached for his quill and a piece of parchment. "I'll be writing my contactman right away and will get back to you when Erin is no longer a Black, but a Woods. As it should be," he added with a smile.

Mary could not bring herself to smile back. She got up from her chair and walked to the door. When her hand was on the handle, she suddenly heard Roberto say: "Oh, and Mary?"

She turned back. "Yes?"

"It's going to be fine. You've come a long way and I think you're handling all this really well. Especially considering the circumstances. Now, it is not my intention to sound like a fatherly figure, but I do want you to know that I'm proud of you. We all are. Just hang in there."

This time Mary did smile. "Thank you si- Roberto."

He gave her a nod. "Please close the door behind you."

Mary did as she were told and slid down against the closed door. The sound of merry conversations were coming from the kitchen, but she did not feel the need to join the others. Instead she closed her eyes and thought about what Roberto had said. His obvious compliment was making her think about her father and with a sharp pain in her heart Mary realized she was really missing her parents. It only took a minute before her thoughts shifted to Sirius once more. She had now erased any connection to him. Changing Erin's last name from Black to Woods had been the last, but most radical decision.

Erin would never know she had loved and adored her father in the first months of her life. She would not even know he existed. Mary sighed and tried to convince herself once again it was for the best. Changing Erin's name was what any mother would have done in her place. Mary had literally cut out everything about Sirius from their lives. She just wished she could stop thinking about him just as easily. No such luck yet, but Mary forced herself to believe things would get better eventually. At least her kids would not have to grow up with the knowledge of their father being a convicted mass murderer; something their own mother did not truly believe in. That would make things even more confusing. Once again Mary concluded she really was doing the right thing. Convinced that she would be alright eventually, she pushed herself back up and – thinking she was literally starting from scratch again, this time alone instead of with someone else – walked inside the kitchen after all.

-End of Update-

* Song from the title: Not As We by Alanis Morissette.


	9. Eight: Every Day Is A Winding Road

**Author's Note: **According to my dictionary, the word "Mucker" is Irish for friend. But of course, I'm not Irish, so any Irish reader who knows whether or not I have this wrong, please tell me so I can correct the mistake!

**Dedication:** To . Cheers!

**Disclaimer:** I ne posséder rien. Means I don't own anything…

**Eight: Every Day Is A Winding Road**

Mary had not expected Roberto to tell everyone about the name switch, but she did think he would at least inform the people she was the closest to: Jonathan, Fiona, Fabio and Natalya. But it turned out no one even knew about Erin's new name until she told them herself. Every single one of them supported her decision (according to Jonathan, any step further away from Sirius Black was a good one), which was kind of a relief. But Mary was a bit disappointed that they did not pay as much attention to this development as she thought they would.

Apparently everyone assumed this was the final step in getting over Sirius and what had happened on Halloween and this annoyed Mary a bit. How was she supposed to feel all bright and shiny again so soon? But no matter how much she pouted or appeared absent-minded in front of them, no one brought up the subject or asked what was up. Jonathan mostly came around to pamper Erin or ask her advice on his latest outfits, Fiona was too busy raving over her new boyfriend (blacksmith Luis) and Fabio was avoiding being alone with her even more than before.

It was a lonely time when Mary missed Lily the most; her best friend would have known what was bothering her without even asking. What's more, she probably would have given some valuable advice straight away. However, eventually someone _did_ notice her continuous listless state of mind. But this was not the person she had preferred to talk to (Fabio). One day when she was cleaning Pegasus's hoofs (always a tricky job because the Unicorn would be able to spear her behind with a single move of his head) in upper concentration, someone poked its head around the door of the box. "Oi, little one," a low voice said.

Mary jumped out of shock and so did Pegasus. Forward, that is. The stallion took two steps to the door and moved his head around in a threatening manner. The person standing in front of the animal, however, was not impressed and let out a low growl. "Have the nerve, my little mucker**, and I'll swear…"

Pegasus snorted angrily and scraped his hoof on the floor and Mary hastily stepped forward. She put a hand on the Unicorn's neck and gently pushed him backwards. "Down boy," she said softly before turning back to the person. "Hi Jolene."

If Mary was honest with herself she would have to admit that she was always a little afraid of Jolene. The only other woman on the ranch who spend a lot of time in the stables might have been female, but not a very feminine one. She always made Mary think of those female bodybuilders she had seen on a British tv-show a few years ago. Jolene was in her thirties, had fiery red hair and a raspy low voice with a light Irish accent, was muscular and her shoulders and hands were huge; this manly build came in handy with her job (she and Eduardo took care of a herd of Aethonons; winged horses that are extremely powerful), but hell had to freeze over before she would be wearing a dress. On top of that, Jolene was not exactly friendly and had never heard of the word 'tact'. Today was another perfect example. She eyed Mary attentively before directly asking: "What's eating you?"

"Sorry?"

"I've watched you the last couple of days, you seem to be carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders."

"What makes you say that?"

Jolene made a scornful sound. "Oh please. Today you've been heaving these utterly depressing sighs all morning. And I should know, because I can hear your whining coming through the walls and it's getting on my nerves. So what is it?"

"Nothing," Mary said untruthfully.

Jolene shot her a shrewd look. "You don't want to talk about it? Fine, I'm not the talkative type anyway, so I'll just tell you what I think. Stop moping."

Mary immediately opened her mouth to retort. "I am not-"

"Yes, you are. You're moping. Constantly. And do not think any of us won't see you pout, because they do. They're just getting tired of you using them to lean on all the time. They won't say it, but that's how they feel and they have every right-"

"Excuse me," Mary interrupted, feeling defensive. "But I've been through a major trauma almost two months ago and-"

Jolene scowled. "Of course you have. Just like each and every one of us who've bad things happening to them, but at least we're trying to make something out of this life after all. Unlike you, who's been pouting so much lately that I've started to wonder if your expression is going to stay that way when you finally relax your jaw."

"That is…. That is so…"

"So true?" Jolene finished, smirking slightly.

"I just…" Mary stammered, struggling for the right words. "You're making it seem like… like I'm some kind of a spoiled brat."

"Which you are in some ways. Look, I have nothing against you, but you seem to forget that we all suffered in one way or the other."

Mary huffed. "I bet you did not come face to face with Voldemort."

It was the weirdest thing to see a tall and massive woman like that shiver like a cane in the wind. "You have some nerve to use his full name," Jolene hissed through her teeth. "But as a matter of fact, I did. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named murdered my family in Ireland when I was just a little girl. Rumor had it he was on a quest to get his hands on a certain valuable object, but I never found out what my parents and little sister had to die for."

Mary ignored Pegasus who had just smelled the bag of carrots in the left pocket of her jeans and started to nibble on it. "You weren't there when it happened?"

Jolene laughed, it was a raspy and mirthless laugh. "I wish. No, the Dark Lord tried to kill me last by throwing me off a cliff with one flick of his wand. I survived the fall and cold feisty sea, although the muscles in my lower back have never fully healed."

Mary took a step sideways so the bag of carrots became out of reach for the Unicorn, who neighed quietly. A sound she pretended not to hear. "I'm sorry to hear that."

Jolene shrugged and leaned back against the door of the box. "I'm just saying… We've all been through rotten times, but that's why you should grasp this opportunity even more."

"Opportunity?"

"Yeah, it's survivor's guilt that is bothering you and I'm telling you: it's not worth it. All things happen for a reason. You survived that attack, so God or Merlin or whoever you believe in did not want you to die like your friends did. You've been given a second shot at a nice life and you should appreciate the gesture. Or at least stop the moping," she added as an afterthought and Mary couldn't help but laugh.

"I'll think about it."

Jolene nodded. "Good." She shot Pegasus a last disapproving look. "Besides Fabio I am probably the only one, but I really would have liked this insufferable thing to end up on the barbecue. Apparently Unicorn meat tastes absolutely divine."

If Unicorns could look indignant, Pegasus would have passed the test with flying honours. The stallion snorted angrily and Mary quickly stepped up so she was shielding him from his "attacker". "Not gonna happen, Jolene," she said serenely. "He's under my protection now and this Unicorn is not going anywhere."

Jolene laughed. "Shame," she muttered. "I'll leave you to it, then," she added before walking back to her section of the stable.

Mary watched her walk away and frowned. Jolene was not exactly Lily (nor by appearance or personality), but this was the first time Mary thought someone actually gave her some good advice. Of course Fabio had told her before that everyone had a tragic personal back story, but so far she had been focused on herself and her alone. And no matter how weird it seemed: Jolene, with the tact of a blunt axe, had made her see reason. And from that day on, Mary focused her energy on keeping herself from pouting, instead of the other way around.

* * *

Sadly for Jolene (and Fabio), Pegasus was not on the menu for the annual New Year's barbecue on the ranch. Mary had dreaded the holiday season ever since arriving here, but to her surprise she actually had loads of fun. She still missed her parents and Jenna (not even to mention Sirius and the others) and thought about them a lot, but some of the people on the ranch were also starting to feel like family. The traditional New Year's barbecue took place on the night of January 1st and, according to Fiona, was more fun than New Year's Eve and Christmas altogether. It was the one night of the year, she explained, that Roberto could show his (non-existing) talent in the kitchen.

He was the one and only ruler of the magically enlarged barbecue where he tried to grill French bread, pineapple sticks and at least a dozen pieces of meat and fish at a time, and failed miserably. Which is why Natalya always had a secret stash where people could get a grilled chicken breast that was still eatable. But like every year, she made everyone promise to keep up appearances with Roberto, because the last thing she wanted to do was hurt his feelings. Mary was standing at a table of fresh fruit and cocktails near the back of the field. She had not felt nauseated all day and was currently listening to the Queen-song "A Crazy Little Thing Called Love" while watching (a profusely sweating) Roberto having a fight with a burst of flame on the barbecue and wondered aloud why he wasn't using magic to solve the problem.

"That's because Roberto believes barbecuing is a typical Muggle thing and therefore needs to be done without using a wand, no matter what," Fiona explained as she made herself another caipirinha. "Another water for you?"

"No, I'm good, thanks."

"I really like your dress, by the way. It suits you really well."

"Thanks." Mary looked down at her lime green cocktail dress with a halter top and couldn't help but smile. She _did_ look rather nice with her hair put up like this and the dress accentuated her yet miniscule bump nicely; she even put in some earrings for the occasion. "You don't look bad either," she said, noticing Fiona's miniskirt showed off her tall legs pretty well.

Fiona grinned. "I know, right? Luis couldn't get his hands off me earlier. You know that pile of hay behind the main house? That's where we-"

She held up a hand. "Too much information, Fi."

"Alright, alright," Fiona laughed. She sipped her drink but almost choked on it a second later. "That little hag…" she growled.

"Who?" Mary asked, trying to see what she was growling at.

"Irina! She's standing next to Fabio and… Is she feeding him a _grape_? Ugh, she's drooling over him big time."

Mary followed her gaze and finally found Fabio, standing nearby from Roberto's barbecue. A girl with long blonde hair hung around his neck and was indeed trying to feed him some grapes. "Oh yes, I see. Why is that bothering you so much?"

"Because it's _Irina_!" Fiona snapped, like she was stating the obvious.

"Right… And what did she do to you?"

She huffed. "You could better ask what she didn't do!"

"Fi…"

"Okay, we once were after the same guy when I had been living on the ranch for about a month. And she spread this rumour that I… you know."

"No," Mary replied, sounding amused. "I don't think I do."

Fiona rolled her eyes. "That I was sleeping around."

"Were you?"

"No, of course not! I was totally innocent back then. But she got the guy and I hated her ever since. What if he was 'the one' for me?"

Mary tried hard to hold back a laugh. "I sincerely doubt that."

Fiona shrugged and muttered something intelligible before she went back to glowering at Fabio and Irina. From what Mary could see it looked like he was not exactly enjoying her hanging around his neck. He was just gently pushing her away by stepping backwards, but this meant he ended up right next to Roberto's barbecue. Before he knew what was happening to him Roberto had already pushed a plate of grilled meat into his hands.

Fabio stood there, impassive for a moment as if he was desperately looking for a credible excuse, but then – when Roberto was looking at him expectantly - he hesitantly took a bite of the blackened meat. Mary burst out laughing; the sight of Fabio gingerly chewing on a burnt steak was reminding her of James and Sirius working their way through a plate of Hagrid's famous rock rakes. Fiona of course noticed her laugh and shot her a curious look. "What are you smiling at?"

"Nothing, just memories" Mary said, still sniggering and a little amazed that this was the first memory of Sirius and James she had that did not want to make her burst into tears. "So why were you so bothered with Irina hugging Fabio?"

She shrugged. "She tries to seduce him every year. Never succeeds, I might add."

"That's good news, then. It means Fabio is not into her, so there's nothing for you to worry about."

Fiona looked astonished. "What makes you think I have feelings for him?"

Mary was starting to feel confused. "But you just said…"

"Fabio and I are friends, nothing more. Oh, don't get me wrong," she elaborated when she noticed Mary's confused frown, "I did fancy him at first." She laughed. "Who wouldn't? But he said it would feel like dating his little sister and… Oh well." She suddenly gave Mary a little nudge. "So that, my sister, means _you_ have nothing to worry about."

She winked mischievously to emphasize what she had just said, but she as well could have said it in Russian, because Mary did not understand her at all. "What?"

Fiona narrowed her eyes a little. "You're messing with me here, right?"

"No… No, I'm really not."

"You and Fabio!" she called out so that at least ten people nearby looked around at them. "You like each other!"

Mary ushered her friend to lower her voice before hissing: "_What?!_"

"Oh, come on. It's clear as day. You've been staring at him all evening and he _obviously_ likes you."

Mary snorted and took a bite of salad. "Don't be ridiculous!"

Fiona was now staring at her. "Are you telling me you didn't notice? Oi Jonathan!" she called when she spotting him loading his plate with fruit at the other side of the table. "Does Fabio have a thing for Mary?"

Jonathan chuckled before magically refilling his goblet of elf-wine. "Is the pope Catholic?"

He winked before making his way over to Sayid and Eduardo a little ahead and Fiona turned back to shoot Mary a triumphant look. "See?"

Mary opened her mouth to say something but closed it again when she was slowly starting to realize something. "He has been acting kind of strange lately."

Fiona nodded and sucked on the piece of lime in her caipirinha. "Probably, yeah. It's not easy for him to fancy a single mum who's carrying the baby of a convicted mass murderer."

"Thanks."

"You know what I mean. What are you going to do about this anyway?"

Mary arched an eyebrow. "What do you mean what am _I_ going to do about it? I'm a single mum who's carrying another baby of a convicted mass murderer and is still mourning over her lost love. As if I'm interested in getting involved with another guy."

Fiona giggled. "Touché."

She rolled her eyes but could not hide a smile from creeping up her face. She took another swig of water and let her eyes roll over the crowd until she found Fabio, who was now teaching some older kids how to ride a broom. "I cannot believe he likes me that much. Honestly, I had no idea."

Mary did not see Fiona's face, but she was sure her friend was shooting a desperate look at the cloudless sky before mumbling: "Merlin's Beard. How you managed to tame Hogwarts's most numerous womaniser of the age is beyond me."

* * *

Later that night Mary excused herself from the party and, after thanking Roberto for his hospitality and the great barbecue (she made sure to compliment him on the food), she picked up Erin at Natalya's house and headed home. It was a hot and sweltering evening and Mary enjoyed the typical sounds of night around her; chirping crickets, the distant sound of the waves crashing on the beach… Erin was sleeping against her chest and Mary made sure she was walking down the uneven path as steady as possible; she had no intention in waking her daughter up, which meant she would have to make her fall asleep all over again.

Unfortunately Mary tripped on a tree stump she was sure she'd never seen on this path before. She only just managed to stay on her feet, but the sudden movement did wake Erin up, who – not entirely surprisingly – started to cry hysterically. Mary needed the rest of the walk home to calm her down; by the time she reached the front door Erin was still awake, but at least the wailing had stopped. She opened the door and put Erin down in the living room, who happily started to crawl around on the floor. Mary smiled and headed over to the cabinet for another goblet of cold water. She was just putting the empty goblet down on the sink when she got a really weird feeling in her stomach. For a moment she thought it had to do something with the pregnancy, but then she realized it was something she hadn't felt in a while: it was fear.

Mary got a very strong sense that she was being watched. She grabbed her wand and -feeling that old but o so familiar panic rise up in her throat – checked every single corner of every room in the house, making sure she entered a new room before Erin, who was excitingly following her mother's trail. There was no one there and it didn't look like someone had been in her house before either, but the feeling of apprehension just wouldn't go away. Mary paused in the middle of the room, wondering if perhaps she was going crazy. Clearly there was nothing going on and they were completely safe, but as a last resort Mary peeked outside through the curtains. And that's when she saw it: her initial thought was that the thing in the garden was a Death Eater, but when she looked closer she established it was some kind of smoky black cloak that was soundlessly and swiftly swooping over the grass.

Although Mary instantly knew this was something very evil, she could not stop staring at it. The cloaked creature seemed to be dancing solo through the night and the way it was gracefully swirling through the air was no less than hypnotizing. That was until the creature came to a sudden halt, and although it did not appear to have eyes, Mary knew it was looking straight at her. Then things happened very fast. The thing disappeared out of sight in the blink of an eye. From the corner of her eye she noticed that Erin was currently crawling near the front door. She reacted instinctively. Mary made a sprint to the door and slid down on the floor with her back against it.

Erin was shooting her a curious look; obviously wondering why her mum was acting so crazy, but Mary did not have time to respond. She was convinced that the creature was near. She hardly dared to breathe as she looked back over her shoulder and through the keyhole. It seemed like there was nothing there, but she knew better. She could feel its presence. Erin on the other hand, did not: she was sitting up straight and cooed: "Mu-ee-ah!"

"Shhh!" Mary hissed urgently before she picked the baby up and held her very close. "Shhh," she continued to murmur, more nicely this time so that Erin would remain quiet. "Shhh…"

Thankfully, Erin listened and stayed calm, whereas Mary - still sitting with her back against the wooden door - was feeling terrified. No Order-battle, no matter how tough it got, ever made her feel so afraid, so alone… She could not suppress a cry of panic when the door had begun to move against her back. It was vibrating softly at first but soon turned into violent shakes; the creature was definitely trying to get inside. Mary could not move at first; her hopes that the creature would give up eventually and leave were in vain and she realized she had to do something. There was only one spell that came to mind. She put Erin back down and tried to get a firmer grip on her wand, but her palms were sweaty. It was the best she had, though. Mary turned slightly but made sure her back was still keeping the shaking door closed and pointed her wand at the keyhole. "_Expecto Patronum!_"

She watched the familiar shape of a Dalmatian dog jump through the door and only a few seconds later the shaking had stopped. The intense fearful knot in her stomach faded away not much later. Mary leaned her back against the door and wiped her sweaty brow. It was a little over a month after Halloween '81 and already she was back to fighting for her and her daughter's life. Mary watched Erin crawl back into the room, carefree as ever, before closing her teary eyes for a moment. She sighed. Apparently living on this ranch was not going to be as safe after all.

-End of Update-

* Song from the title: Everyday Is A Winding Road by Sheryl Crow

**Authors Note 2**: Anyone care to take a guess what this swirling smoky creature was? Ten Cauldron Cakes for everyone who gets it right!


	10. Nine: Jolene

**Author's Note**: To anyone who thought the black smoky thing was a Dementor (most of you): it was a Lethifold. You can read a description of that scary creature in Fantastic Beast and Where to Find Them, or in this update. Keep reading!

**Dedication**: To my regular readers and reviewers: a lovely Merry Christmas to you all. Have a good one!

**Disclaimer**: Once again: Not. A. Thing.

**Nine: Jolene ***

It was half an hour later and Mary was still sitting against that door. She was in a state of shock; unable to move a muscle, she just sat there, staring ahead without actually seeing anything. Tears from her cheeks and chin were dripping to the floor and her nose was running, but she could not bring herself to wipe it away. Because Mary was only just realizing something: no matter what bad things she had encountered in the past, not once had she been alone. Sirius had always been with her, or Lily and Brice, James… Even Alice had been around to help out when Mulciber was about to kill her. And on Halloween she could disapparate with Erin before anything really bad would have happened.

But not this time. This time she was all alone and had to fight off that monster – whatever it was – all by herself. Mary wondered what other dangers were lurking from around the corner; whatever creature the jungle would be sending at her next, she knew she would have to fight it alone. The times where Sirius and her friends always had her back were long gone. And she had never felt more alone. She was still staring ahead while her nails were digging into the flesh of her upper legs when there was a knock on the door.

"Mary?"

She didn't move. There was another knock and then another one before it turned into banging. "Mary," the man's voice repeated, more urgently this time, and he tried to open the door. "Mary, are you there?"

Finally Mary could make herself shift a couple of feet forward so that the door could be opened and Fabio peeked his head around the opening. "Mary, what are you doing at- He stopped talking mid-sentence when he spotted her on the floor, running eyes (and nose) and all. "Are you okay?"

"This thing… dangerous… It- it was trying to… to-"

Fabio kneeled down in front of her. "What happened?"

Unfortunately Mary was still unable to find the words to explain. Instead, she wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his neck. This was something she always did when she was scared or sad, but the receiver had always been Sirius. Also Mary vaguely remembered Fiona saying Fabio had feelings for her, but at this moment she just didn't care. She was so relieved that she was no longer alone that she was hugging this man with all her might. Fabio awkwardly hugged her back for a moment until he finally managed to softly push her back up. "Calm down," he said worriedly. "Come, let's get you back on your feet."

He offered her a hand, but Mary's legs were still feeling numb. "I can't…"

Fabio frowned. "What happened to you? And where's Erin?"

Mary jerked her head up in shock. She had completely forgotten about her baby while that thing could still be around. "Oh God."

She desperately tried to climb back up, but Fabio held up a hand. "Hang on, I'll go."

He walked inside the living room and disappeared from view. Mary put a hand to her legs; they were trembling so badly now it seemed she had only just been tortured by a Death Eater. If something had happened to Erin… Fabio reappeared without a baby in his arms. "Where's -?"

"I put her down in her cot in the living room. She was doing fine."

Fabio walked up to Mary and lifted her up in his arms so he could carry her to the kitchen where he put her down on one of the bar stools. He then filled a goblet with water and put it down in front of her before he crossed his arms. "And now you're going to tell me what happened to you."

Mary did not answer at first. She was too busy gulping down the fresh water. At last she put the goblet back on the table. "There was this thing in my garden…" she started.

"What kind of thing?"

"I… I don't know exactly. I've never seen anything like it before. I'm not sure I can even describe it accurately."

"You can at least try."

"It's gonna sound stupid, b-but… It was some kind of smoky cloak soaring through the air."

Fabio jerked up his head. "A Lethifold?" he asked sharply.

Mary shot him a puzzled look. "A lethi-what?"

"Lethi_fold_. A living shroud, is that what you saw?"

"Er possibly, I don't know if…"

But Fabio had already jumped up from his seat. He pulled his wand and used it to magically lock all the doors and windows. Mary witnessed all of this with a confused frown on her face. "Fabio, what are you dong?"

"If it's a Lethifold you saw, then I have to alert Roberto and Natalya as soon as possible."

"But I'm even sure what a Lethifold looks like!"

Fabio shot her a grave look. "Then let's just hope you're wrong." He shot another look around the room before looking back. "Listen, do _not_ leave the house or open the windows. And stay awake at all times."

"What? But I-"

"There is no time to explain. I'll try to get back as soon as I can."

He had already disapparated before Mary could have said another word. She was feeling seriously annoyed: he had just left her all by herself without even explaining what exactly had attacked her and Erin earlier. After another moment Mary decided she had to find out on her own and got up from her chair. Her legs were no longer trembling, but they tingled and very much resembled two stretched rubber bands. Shaking them a few times helped; at least the tingling had disappeared and Mary kneeled down in front of the kitchen cabinet to summon a book on magical creatures. The first thing that came flying out was useless; there was a scary picture of a four-headed goat with horns on his back and hooves on the cover, sure enough, but the book was in Portuguese. The second try turned out to be more successful. Mary did not thought it was at first, because the ancient-looking book with a dark green cover looked anything but readable, but when she turned it around the cover read:

**Scary Creatures in the Dark****  
**  
By Ernesto Perceval Flambini (1602-1707)  
Updated by Ludovicus Adams III

_The things you really don't want to know about the tropics!_

This should work. She dropped the heavy book on the kitchen table and flicked to the index pages, which didn't turn out to be there and the creatures inside did not seem to be listed alphabetically either. Mary frowned. This really was an ancient book. But she did not have a choice: she was going to have to leaf through the entire book if she wanted to find out what that thing in the garden was. Mary sighed and made herself a cup of tea before she flopped back down and started reading.

About an hour later she still hadn't found what she was looking for. But already she had come across too many dangerous tropical creatures for her liking. Puma's that could set fire to everyone around them, spiders the size of a small house and Vampire Snakes that drained blood out of their victims till there was not a drop left in their body. Or what about those giant sea slugs that pulled innocent swimmers underwater where they would glue them to the bottom of the sea until the victim drowned, before eating them with clothes and all. Mary shuddered, making a mental note to not ever let Erin and her little brother or sister swim in the sea on their own. She sighed and listlessly flipped to the next page.

**LETHIFOLD**  
_This extremely dangerous beast lives in the tropics and resembles a half-inch thick black cloak which moves along the ground at night, hunting its prey. It attacks sleeping humans, smothers them, then digests them, all in their bed, leaving no trace at all. The only known defence against a Lethifold is a Patronus Charm._

Mary sat up straight. That must have been it. Fabio was right. The cloaked thing she saw in the garden surely matched this description and the picture on the page, at least more than anything else she had seen so far. There was no additional information on whether or not the creature could be controlled by a wizard, but she sincerely doubted that would be the case. On the other hand… How did Fabio know she was in trouble? Why did he show up on her doorstep like this after not having talked to her in weeks? Mary's eyes widened in shock as she came to a shocking realization: what if Fabio sent that Lethifold after her and Erin? She had hardly time to process this devastating thought when there was a loud pop behind her.

Fabio had apparated directly into the living room, although he did seem to realize the rudeness of this act. "Sorry to burst in like that," he said apologetically, "but I thought you were still keeping the doors and windows locked. This was faster."

He all said this very quickly, it almost sounded like he was rattling. Mary narrowed her eyes at him. He did look concerned, possibly even scared? But she had to know. "Did you send that Lethifold at me?"

"What?"

Mary had never seen anyone look more surprised, but she also knew this could just be an act. "Well?" she persisted.

Fabio looked at her like he thought she had gone insane. "Don't be ridiculous. Lethifolds cannot be controlled by wizards and what are you talking about? You called me."

"What? No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did. I got your Patronus."

Mary stared at him and crossed her arms. "How did you know I-?"

"Your Patronus, a Dalmatian dog?"

"Yeah, it is, but…"

"It appeared when I was walking home from the party. I hurried down to your house at once and found you in the hallway."

"But that doesn't make any sense. I sent that Patronus at the Lethifold, not you."

"Well, it did came to me afterwards, so I'm guessing you subconsciously asked me for help."

Mary opened her mouth to retort, but nothing came out. It did make sense that her Patronus went off to find someone after it had chased the Lethifold away, she had been feeling incredibly lonely at that point after all. She closed her mouth and bit her lip for a moment before mumbling: "Sorry, I guess I was wrong."

Fabio shrugged. "None taken, encountering such a frightful beast would freak anyone out." He cocked his head to the side and looked at her from under a few dangling locks of hair: something that was strongly reminding her of Sirius and she was afraid to meet his eye. "Kudos for casting a Patronus Charm on it by the way. That's about the one thing that works on a Lethifold, although I doubt it would have really attacked you. They usually only kill people when they're asleep."

It was Mary's time to shrug. "It was all I could think of at that time." Still feeling uneasy with Fabio looking at her, she cleared her throat and asked: "So what did Roberto and Natalya say?"

Fabio's face dropped. "They already knew." He hesitated for a moment before he continued: "Look, when a Lethifold is on a hunt, it doesn't give up that easily. If it isn't successful the first time, it moves on to another house, and then the next until…"

She frowned. "I'm not sure I'm liking the sound of that. Are you saying…?"

He nodded. "That is exactly what I'm saying."

"So who…"

"I'm sorry. It's Jolene." His brow furrowed. "Or rather was Jolene," he added. "There's nothing left. Lethifolds leave nothing behind."

Mary took a moment to let this piece of information sink in. For some reason the thought of Jolene being dead just did not make any sense. "But… Nothing left of Jolene?"

"Yeah, that thing must have been really hungry," he grinned before hastily stifling his snort. "Sorry, that was inappropriate."

"But if there is no trace, how can they be so sure the Lethifold got her? I mean, she could have been at the party by the time it was attacking me."

"She wasn't, Mary. Jolene went home rather early because she wanted to take Archie out on an early ride tomorrow. She's really gone. I'm sorry, I know you liked her."

Mary looked at him and noticed he looked sincerely concerned. "Well liked, liked… Not sure if that's the right word. I respected her."

He ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah, me too."

They continued standing there for another moment, staring at each other, until Erin started to cry. Mary walked over the crib and picked her up. "So what now?" she asked while she was trying to calm Erin down.

"There'll be a funeral in a few days. And after that, we'll need to look for someone who can take care of the Aethonons."

"Why won't you do it?"

Fabio snorted. "Because they scare the crap out of me. No honestly, one violent flap of the wing of an Aethonon is enough to break your back. They're quite dangerous and I do not nearly look as eh… intimidating as Jolene."

Mary smiled and shook her head. "Good point."

"Yeah… Anyway, I should be going."

She looked up at him. "You're leaving?"

"Well, it's late. We'll talk about what happened with the others in the morning, alright?"

"But that thing is still out there!"

Fabio shot her a look. "Mary, once a Lethifold has successfully fed on someone, it is satisfied for a long time. You and Erin are safe now."

He shot her another reassuring a smile and headed towards the door. This is the moment when Mary heard herself say: "Please stay."

Fabio turned around and frowned at her. "Why?"

Mary had no idea what had made her ask him this, but now that the words were out she knew she had meant them. She needed him to be with her tonight. "I… I just don't want to be alone," she said quietly, focusing her eyes on Erin. "Not tonight."

She finally looked up and noticed Fabio was still gazing at her, his brow deeply furrowed as if he could not really make her out. "Please?" she asked.

After another moment, Fabio nodded slowly. "Alright, I suppose I could sleep on the couch."

She smiled at him. "Great."

* * *

Mary put Erin back in her cot before preparing herself for the night. She put on a long t-shirt over her hipster and was just brushing her teeth when she walked back into the room. Fabio was trying his best to make a comfortable bed out of three large cushions from the couch, but no matter how he put them together, the cushions would always drift apart when he lay down. "Oh, this is ridiculous," Mary said when she had finished rinsing her mouth. "You should sleep in my room."

Fabio looked somewhat confused. "But you… You're pregnant and these cushions are extremely uncomfortable."

She rolled her eyes. "_With_ me, silly!"

He frowned at her. "You sure about that?"

"The bed is big enough for both of us. Why not?"

"But wouldn't that be extremely weird for you?"

Mary was about to blurt out "Don't you mean for _you_?" but managed to stop herself. Instead she smiled as convincingly as she could. "Really weird, but I'll just ignore it. Come on."

He followed her into the bedroom and Mary quickly got into bed, thinking that Sirius would have cursed Fabio (and probably her too) on the spot if he knew. Fabio magically switched off the lights before taking off his shirt and Mary could not help but notice how the moonlight got reflected on the strong muscles of his torso. His bare chest reminded her more of Sirius than she liked and she quickly snapped her eyes shut when Fabio got into bed beside her.

She was already regretting she was letting him sleep in the same bed. This was _beyond_ awkward. However, when Mary reminded herself of his feelings for her, she was starting to realize he must be feeling worse than she did. She peeked at his back through her eyelashes and noticed there was a big scar on his left shoulder blade. She wondered where he got it, but decided this was not the time to ask. "Goodnight," she whispered. "And… Thanks for doing this."

"No problem," he mumbled sleepily after a long pause before dozing off a few minutes later. Mary frowned. Apparently he was not feeling that awkward about sleeping in her bed after all.

* * *

The next morning Mary awoke rather abruptly by someone banging on the front door. The sun was already up in the sky, but it was still early, she knew that. Mary sat up straight and ran a hand through her hair. The knocking was getting louder and louder. She glanced sideways and looked at Fabio: he was still fast asleep, or at least pretended to be so. With a groan, Mary swayed her feet over the side of the bed and got up. She stumbled to the door while rubbing her eyes and opened it, only to have Jonathan burst inside. "Did you heard it? I only just heard! Roberto told me a few minutes ago, but he also said that not everyone knows that-"

"-Jolene is dead?" Mary finished for him. "I knew."

"Quite a shocker, don't you think?" he said, flopping down on the bunch of couch cushions on the floor where Fabio had left them the previous night. "Blimey, to think that thing managed to smother Jolene of _all_ people. Scary business, that is… So who told you? Was it Fi?"

"Fabio. He told me last night."

Jonathan looked somewhat surprised. "So you guys are on speaking terms again, then?"

"Well, he-"

At that time Fabio walked inside the living room to see what all the fuss was about. He was wearing nothing more than his boxers and when Jonathan noticed, his eyes turned as big as saucers. "You have _got_ to be kidding me."

Fabio and Mary exchanged a glance before he looked down at Jonathan. "Look man, this is not what it looks like."

But Jonathan was grinning like his Christmas had come early. "You're coming out of Mary's room in nothing more than your briefs! There's no way you can talk your way out of this one, mate. Just one thing: if Sirius Black ever finds out, I know nothing about it. I once had the pleasure of meeting his fists when I dared to touch his girl and would think twice before getting in his punching zone again."

"Jonathan," Mary said placidly. "He is right. Nothing happened. I just asked Fabio to stay with me last night-"

"Oooh, I'm sure you did-"

"Because that Lethifold tried to attack me and Erin before it got Jolene," she continued as if she did not hear Jonathan's interruption. "I was scared, okay? And I didn't want to be alone, so Fabio stayed with me, that's all."

He narrowed his eyes at her. "And nothing happened?"

Mary shrugged. "Sorry to disappoint you, but no, nothing did."

Jonathan shot her another close look before crawling back up and walking over to Fabio. He put a hand on his shoulder and shot him an empathetic look. "You spent the night with freaking _Mary Woods_ and didn't try anything? Man, that is such a lost chance." He grinned. "You'd almost think you are more of a fruitcake than I am."

Fabio laughed and jokingly punched Jonathan on the shoulder. "Get lost, you pansy."

* * *

Jolene's funeral was a few days later. It was a small ceremony where they put a small box (since there was no body to bury) down a hole in the ground. Mary expected the funeral to take place at the cemetery in the village, but the ranch happened to have his own little graveyard on top of a mountain hill. There were only a few graves and Mary had never been there before, but as she listened to Roberto's speech on Jolene's life, she thought that of all the cemeteries she had seen in her life, this had to be one of the best places. There was a constant cool wind and the view was nothing less than amazing. It was a nice location to be laid to rest, as far as final resting places go, she thought.

Afterwards there was music and food. Lots and lots of food. Mary enjoyed watching the other people of the ranch throwing a big party in memory of Jolene, but she found it difficult to feel cheerful. Not necessarily because of Jolene; they had not been that close friends after all, but because her death brought back the recent loss of Lily and James. As a result Mary spent most of her night sitting at a table, watching the others sing and dance, while she thought of happier times with her friends, although she did her best to keep herself from moping, because she was sure that's what Jolene would have wanted.

Later that night, when Fabio was walking her home, Mary was talking about the other scary tropical beasts that she read about in the book. "And then those freaky sea slugs that drag you underwater and make you drown. I'll never go swimming here again!"

Fabio had put both his hands in his pockets and was shooting her an amused look. "You mean Segnoreai?"

"If that are the slugs that literally drown you, then yes."

He laughed. "They live in the deep sea. So as long as you don't go scuba diving, you'll be alright."

Mary huffed. "Still, this area is full of dangerous creatures and I don't like it one bit. I thought Roberto said this ranch would keep me and Erin safe from any harm."

"Harm from Death Eaters and other dark wizards, yes. But nature… That's not how it works. Stuff like this happens sometimes."

She shot him a dark look. "Thanks, that's a really heartening thought."

To her annoyance, he started to laugh even harder. "Oh, come on, Mary. There must be dangerous creatures living in your country as well."

"Nothing as dangerous as a Lethifold."

"Really? There's nothing smoky and cloaked haunting the forests of Britain?"

"Well," Mary said thoughtfully after a pause. "I suppose there's always Dementors."

"A Dementor?" He looked intrigued. "What's that?"

"A foul creature wearing a cloak that sucks out your soul, leaving nothing behind but a lifeless shell. Your body," she clarified when she noticed Fabio's questioning look.

He arched an eyebrow. "Sounds like a pretty scary thing to me."

"I guess you're right. The British Ministry uses them as guards in Azkaban."

"Azkaban? Isn't that the prison where…"

She sighed. "Yes… But I rather not talk about that."

"Okay… Then how about Jolene?"

"What about her?"

"It was the first ranch funeral you attended. Must have been weird… I can imagine that brought back memories."

Mary looked at him and bit her lip. "It did. Although the funeral, especially the party afterwards, must have been the weirdest thing I've ever been. Partying on a funeral… We do things quite differently back in England."

"Ah yes, I can see what you mean. Personally I thought they were a little off when they played Dolly Parton's Jolene at the ceremony."

"But that was her name."

"Maybe, but let's be honest: she resembled anything but that girl from the song. _Your beauty is beyond compare with flaming locks of auburn hair_…"

"Well, she did have auburn hair."

Fabio rolled his eyes. "Oh, please. _Your smile is like a breath of spring, your voice is soft like summer rain and I cannot compete with you, Jolene_. That raspy voice of her… I always jumped ten feet in the air when she called me unexpectedly. It creeped me out."

She shot him an amused look. "You don't speak ill of the dead, Fabio."

He snorted. "Well, I'll tell you one thing: I knew Jolene quite well and she despised that song. If she knew they played Dolly Parton at her funeral, she would have turned around in her grave. That is if she would still have a body," he added dryly.

Mary laughed for real for the first time in days. She felt completely at ease and had been so caught in talking with Fabio that she hadn't even noticed they had already reached her house. Fabio looked at his own house over his shoulder and Mary realized he was about to announce that he was going home, but she did not want him to. Not now. It was about time to talk about that one thing that had been around in the air for weeks, and although she did not really know how to deal with it, she was going to try. "Fabio," she started hesitantly. "Is there something you want to tell me?"

"What do you mean?"

Mary leaned back against a pole on the porch. "People have been talking. That thing with Jonathan the morning after you spent the night at my place wasn't that far off, actually. He and Fiona… They believe you're having certain feelings for me. They could very well be mistaken, but I-"

"-They are not wrong."

Fabio flopped down on top of the stairs and stared ahead in the distance. "Which makes things all the more inconvenient, I'm afraid."

"Why?"

"_Why?_" He shot her an incredulous look over his shoulder. "Do you need me to spell that one out for you?"

Mary sighed and flopped down next to him. "No, I guess not. So what do you want to do about this?" she asked, fidgeting with her ring.

He snorted and shot her a mischievous look. "Well, I can think of something."

She pulled a face. "Sorry, bad choice of words."

"You can say that again. But seriously? I tried staying away from you. Didn't really work."

Mary did not really know what to say to that. Instead, she sighed. "You know, I had no idea until Fiona pointed it out. I mean, I noticed you were more acting distant than before, but I never…"

He smiled wryly. "Well, like I said: that didn't change much."

She smiled back weakly. "I don't even know what's to like about me at the moment. I look like a complete mess, let alone what I feel like…"

"It's not about that," he said. "Or maybe it is, I don't know. It's just… Whenever I look at you, I see a girl that is hurting so much and is going through such a rough time, and all I wanna do is help her. Besides that, those eyes of yours…"

"What about them?"

"They're too beautiful for a man's good."

She lifted her eyebrows in surprise and he groaned, clapping his hands in front of his face. "I'm sorry," he said, sounding sincerely embarrassed. "I don't want to sound like freaking Elton John. You just… You look like an angel and no matter what I do, I can't get you out of my head. And it doesn't make any sense. I mean, you're pregnant with a child from another man. Who's a convicted mass murderer and in jail, I might add. Talk about complicated ."

Mary was lost at words once more. "I…"

"But I don't want to feel like this," he said, looking up at her. "Believe me, I've been fighting those feelings and I will continue to fight it until they're gone."

"But you said that didn't work."

"Well, then I'll just have to live with that until they are, won't I?"

Mary wrapped her arms around her knees and rested her head on her arms. "And what do you want me to do?" He shrugged as a reply and she sighed. "Well, staying away from you is what you want, I will. But I missed talking to you. You're a great guy, Fabio, and perhaps one of the few people in this place I can open up to…"

He had also put his head on his arms so that they were facing each other. "Don't tell me you've started to develop certain feelings for me as well," he said, a small grin creeping up his face.

Mary blushed and shook her head. "No, I don't even know what that would be like. There's only been one guy I truly loved. He was…" She closed her eyes. "_Is_ my soulmate."

"Loupe was my soulmate," he said softly. "But that doesn't mean people don't get a second chance in life. I'd like to think that's what she would have wanted for me, anyway."

Mary slowly opened her eyes. Fabio was still looking at her, his head once again in a position that reminded her off Sirius, but this time it did not make her feel that uncomfortable. She could feel the corners of her mouth twitch. "Wow, if I wouldn't know better I'd say you're hitting on me."

He chuckled. "I'm a Latin man," he purred in a heavy accent. "When I do lay the real Brazilian magic on you, you won't know what hit you."

She laughed and he joined her before holding out his hand. "But for now, I'll leave you alone," he said in his normal voice. "I'd hate to lose hanging out with you, so… Don't mind me and my childish little crush. I'll find a way to deal with it. For now, I'm saying: just friends?"

Mary looked at his outstretched hand into his sincere brown eyes and back. If he was sure he could deal with this and keep things normal, then so was she. A true friend who understood her as much like Fabio was what she needed the most right now, anyway. She took his hand and shook it with a flourish. "Just friends."

********** End of Update **********

* Song from the title: Jolene by Dolly Parton


	11. Ten: Big Girls Don't Cry

**Author's Note: **Happy New Year to you all! I hope you all have a splendid 2009. I will continue to try and write as much as I can; that's my New Year's resolution this year, haha!

**Dedication: **to the newcomer whose attention I managed to capture: freshwaterpimplies. Thanks for saying hi!

**Disclaimer: **Still nothing. Wish I did, though. Oh well…

**Ten: Big Girls Don't Cry ***

On the early morning of January 24th, Mary woke up with a rather weird feeling in her stomach. It took her sleepy head only a few seconds to realize what was making her feel this way: today was her twenty-second birthday. But, contrary to previous years, she did not have much of a reason to celebrate her birthday. Mary even felt a little guilty about turning twenty-two: why did she deserve to put another year behind her name when her friends – James, Lily and Peter – would never be able to reach that age of their own?

This was why Mary had decided to let her birthday pass in silence. It was a lucky coincidence that no one on the ranch knew about it. Mary had not told anyone about her birthday and she was intending to keep it that way until they were well out of January. But sitting at home alone all day was not her first choice either, so she had volunteered to take up an extra shift at the Alcaravia. Carmalita could not be happier, considering the only other fully trained Healer in the hospital - the middle-aged French wizard Laurent Florissant who was living on the ranch with his entire family – was currently in Kenia to study a recently discovered species of snakes (similar to Boomslangs) and establish whether or not their skin could be useful for Potions. As a result Carmalita only had Mary to instruct and guide the rest of the medical staff, so she was grateful for all the extra help she could get.

Mary took a quick shower to wash her hair. When she was drying herself off her eyes dropped to her stomach; the bump would still be considered small, but it seemed to have grown a lot over the last days. Mary frowned. She could not remember the same thing happening when she was pregnant with Erin, but then again: all pregnancies were different. Not to mention that this time there was no freezing Conglaciatus Curse to fight and survive. Mary smiled to herself. It should be fine. She was already feeling a lot better physically: the nausea attacks seemed to have disappeared, she wasn't all that tired anymore and although she still wouldn't describe herself as happy and careless, she was getting there.

Mary pulled on a white skirt and purple t-shirt and put her hair up in a loose bun before she checked on Erin. The girl was already awake and more than ready to get out of her cot. She was particularly active these days and Mary assumed that Erin wanted to break the world record for crawling babies. After feeding her daughter Mary watched the baby crawl across the room, curiously picking up stray toys on the way, while she was chewing on a piece of toast with marmalade. She had started to wonder when Erin stand up on her own feet and start walking, which would be the next step. But so far, all Erin did was crawl. Mary was about to get her bag and leave for work when there was a single knock on the door. She approached the door, frowning to herself why someone would always bother her when she was about to leave the house, and opened it, only to find someone she did not expect. "Natalya."

"Do you have a moment?" Roberto's wife asked, already walking inside.

"Er well, actually…" Mary started.

"It will not take long."

"But… I'm sorry, but I'm on my way to work."

Natalya looked astonished. "But it's a Sunday."

"Yeah, but Carmalita… Work issues… understaffed… Laurent…" Mary trailed off helplessly when she noticed Natalya's prominent eyebrows were travelling up her forehead fast. "Never mind. You said it doesn't take that long, so what can I help you with?"

"It's Diego," Natalya said immediately, referring to her one-year-old son. "I don't know what to do," she added nervously.

"What's wrong with him?"

"He's ill. Very feverish, won't eat properly…"

Mary frowned slightly. If Natalya once was an established Obstetrician Healer, she should know at least some basic Healing spells by heart. "Then just cast a Fever spell before putting him back to bed and keep a close eye on him."

"Would I be here asking for help if Diego had a flu?" Natalya snapped suddenly, but her expression softened at once when she noticed Mary's shocked gaze. "I'm sorry. It's just… My son is sick and we've already tried everything I know and _nothing_ works. It's driving me nuts."

"But the symptoms you described-"

"That's not all," Natalya interrupted. "He also can't stop throwing up little elephants."

Mary was not sure if she had heard that one right and blinked in confusion. "What?"

"Mini-statuettes made of marble in the shape of elephants." When Natalya saw the incredulous look on Mary's face, she rolled her eyes. "I am not kidding," she said darkly and put her hand in her pocket to retrieve a small object.

When Mary looked closer, she literally felt her jaw drop. There it was: a small and dark grey marble elephant, covered in a disgusting-looking greenish layer of vomit or slobber, or whatever it was. "I'll be damned," she mumbled.

"_Now_ you believe me?"

When Mary nodded, still looking stunned, Natalya put the slimy elephant back in her pocket. "Well, what are you waiting for? Take Erin, come with me and do something about it. It kills me to see Diego suffer like this. Carmalita will understand and can run the place on her own a little longer. Unless there is a particular reason you wanted to go to work today?"

She shot her a questioning look and Mary swallowed audibly. She could not tell her the truth now, that today was her birthday and that she was running from it. Natalya would think- She would realize that… "No, just helping Carmalita out," Mary said at last, even managing to conjure a smile on her face.

* * *

On the way to the main house Mary could not stop thinking about Diego and the constant vomiting. "Natalya…" she told the rather reticent ranch's wife when they were finally approaching the house, baking in the already hot morning sun, "You do realize that this is a wizard's work, right? Someone on this ranch placed a curse on your son."

"I know," Natalya sighed grimly. "I'm just relieved it's not something worse, I guess."

"But this is a very troubling development," Mary said incredulously, a little annoyed with Natalya's outward calmness. If something like this happened to Erin, she would be flying up against the walls. "A crime, no less," she added for good measure.

"Roberto is already on it," Natalya replied calmly. "Look, I know it's going to be okay now, okay? You _can_ fix this, can't you?"

"I'll have to examine Diego thoroughly, but yeah, I'm probably able to Heal him."

They had reached the porch of the house and Mary was about to step up the stairs when Natalya held her back. "Not there. I put Diego down in the garden."

Mary turned around in shock. "You _what_?"

"He er… was burning up fast, so I thought I would let him rest in the garden for a bit. In the shade," she added as an afterthought without looking Mary in the eye.

There was just the tiniest tinge of pink appearing around her ears. It was hardly audible, but Mary – who had a habit of blushing easily herself – saw it anyway and frowned. Natalya was _lying_. Why would she do that? "What's going on?" she asked, narrowing her eyes slightly.

"Nothing, I just really would like you to have a look at Diego," Natalya said while hurriedly pushing Mary towards the garden.

Mary obeyed reluctantly and walked around the house and into the garden. She kept her eyes on Natalya at all times and was still firing impatient questions at her about Diego when-

"SURPRISE!"

Mary looked up and almost dropped Erin to the ground in shock. A group of people had gathered around a wide table in the back near the grapevine. A huge banner saying "Happy Birthday Mary!" was tied between two trees. The table was filled with bowls of delicious-looking food (including treacle tart), jars of iced water and lemonade and several bottles of champagne. Fiona and Jonathan were standing on the grass behind it, together with Fabio, Fiona's boyfriend and blacksmith Luigi, Roberto, Sayid, Eduardo, Jolene's successor Butch and that kind receptionist from Alcaravia, Nora. Diego was there too, playing with his twin brother Guido. He did not look ill at all, and when Mary looked back at the group by the table, she noticed that every single one of those persons was beaming at her. She smiled back weakly, but was still unable to produce a full sentence. "Wha- How did you…?"

Natalya laughed, clearly relieved she had managed to drag Mary along to the garden. "Did you really think we were going to forget your birthday?" she said, pulling her along to the others.

"But I never told anyone," she stammered.

"Maybe not," Roberto said, meeting them halfway. "But the owl Albus sent me right before you arrived at the ranch contained basic facts about you and Erin, including your birth dates."

Mary still did not say anything, unsure if she wanted to laugh or cry, and Roberto hesitated briefly before stepping forward to give her a brief hug. "Today is your day off, alright? Better enjoy it while it lasts," he said, giving her a wink. If Mary was not mistaken, he was even trying to smile. But with Roberto, you would never know for sure.

"But Carmalita," she objected, "she needs me at work…"

"No, she won't," Natalya said, smiling. "When Carmalita found out you would be working on your birthday, she was appalled. She does - and I quote - not wish to see you within one hundred yards of the hospital today, is that clear?"

A smile broke through on Mary's bemused face. Sure, she would have loved going to work today, but this – those people caring enough about her throw a birthday party – should not be ignored. And what could she tell them? Sorry, this all looks fantastic, but I can't celebrate my birthday because it's not fair to my recently deceased friends? That sounded ridiculous, even to her own ears. So instead, she smiled at Natalya. "Totally."

She was about to walk over to the rest of the group when her eyes dropped to Diego once more. "Your son doesn't look all that sick to me," Mary said, shooting an amused glance at Natalya as she handed Erin over to her, who grinned back.

"We had to come up with something bad enough to make you come over to take a look at him, so vomit-coloured miniature elephants it was."

Mary raised an eyebrow. "I'm curious, what exactly did you use to create the drool?"

"I gave Lionel an apple," an amused voice said behind them.

Mary turned around and looked at Fabio, who was grinning. Twenty-eight years old, Lionel was the oldest horse on the ranch. He was a heavily-built grey horse that used to do a lot of heavy labour on the ranch until he retired at the honourable age of twenty-five. Now all the gentle horse did was laze in the shade of the trees or dozing off in his box. And drooling, because whenever Lionel ate something, he drooled. Give him a bucket of bix, he would drool. Give him an apple and he would drool _profusely_. "It was a total mess, I can tell you," Fabio said, beaming as he watched Natalya walk away.

"I can imagine," Mary replied, her eyes twinkling.

"Congratulations Mary," he said before pulling her into a hug and kissing her cheek.

The tingle that kiss sent down her spine surprised her, but she managed to smile convincingly when she looked at him. "Thanks."

"And to think that you weren't going to celebrate your birthday. Why in Merlin's name would you want to skip it?"

Mary shrugged and avoided his gaze. "No particular reason," she mumbled.

Fabio shot her a look as though to say he knew _exactly_ why she had wanted keep her birthday a secret, but for the moment: he let it go and guided her over to the others. The next half hour Mary spent being congratulated by all the guests and receiving many presents, including a magical camera, a pair of silver earrings, a beautiful vase and a bottle of self-made perfume. When she finally flopped down next to Jonathan (holding Erin), she realized she was feeling a bit tired, but happy.

"How are you feeling?" Jonathan asked as Mary took Erin over from him.

"Good," she replied as she put her daughter down on her lap. "Still a little surprised, though. I can't believe you guys found out today was my birthday."

He stared at her, looking stunned, and forgot to swallow the champagne he had just sipped, making the liquid gush back out and end up on his shirt. "You're screwing with me, right?"

"What do you mean?"

"Mary, remember when we started going out in sixth year? It was _January_ 1976 and I completely forgot about your birthday. You were furious, wouldn't talk to me for weeks… I never knew what I had done to hurt you until-"

"Until Brice told you," Mary finished for him, smiling slightly at the memory. Brice had always liked Jonathan a lot. At least until he beat the crap out of her in seventh year.

"That's right," he nodded. "I've never forgotten about your birthday since. So even if Dumbledore didn't send along your birth date to Roberto, there still would have been a party to organize."

"You guys shouldn't have done that. Really, it wasn't necessary."

"And why is that?"

"I thought it wasn't such a big deal, that's all."

"Not a big deal? Against all odds, you survived the war against You-Know-Who and turned out fine. As a result you get to be twenty-two! Why not celebrate it?"

Mary shrugged and rested her chin on Erin's head, who was studying a folded napkin with great interest. "I just didn't feel like it, okay?"

"No, it's not okay." Jonathan shot her a close look. "I know perfectly well what is bothering you. It's survivor's guilt. You get to celebrate your birthday whilst James, Lily and Peter will not, because they're dead and you lived."

Mary looked at him and he smiled wryly. "I'm not as dim as I look, Mary. I was in Ravenclaw after all. And I'm pretty sure your friends would be kicking your ass if they knew. I mean, you didn't skip your birthday when other friends or Order members got killed, did you?"

"Er… no."

"You were perfectly fine then?"

Mary could not help but snort and reached for a small piece of watermelon. "You don't know how I reacted when Brice died."

"Well no… But you I bet it didn't make you skip your birthday."

She looked sceptical. "She passed away in September, Jonathan."

"Even so," he said, shrugging. "I do know what this about. It's because Sirius isn't with you anymore."

Mary looked down at Erin, who looked up at the mention of Sirius and blurted out "Da!" before looking up and putting her little hand against her mother's lips. "And what if it is?" Mary asked quietly as she gently put Erin's hand back down and put a small piece of watermelon in the girl's mouth.

"Then I'd say that I'm sorry for you, but that you know the facts. You won't see him again, so what would you do? Never celebrate your birthday again? That's pointless and I'm sure even Black would agree."

"I know," she sighed, feeling blue. "But sometimes I just feel so… empty."

Jonathan put a comforting hand on her arm. "I can't do anything about that, but things will get easier eventually, trust me." His eyes searched the crowd until they found a familiar silhouette talking to Fiona and Luigi. "Or you could always get Fabio to give you a snog."

Mary rolled her eyes and pushed his hand away. "Urrrgh, you are unbelievable."

He grinned back at her, his hazel eyes twinkling mischievously. "Don't worry, I'm sure he would do it if you ask him. Nicely."

"Will you knock it off! Fabio and I are just friends."

"Suuure. You keep telling yourself that." He was about to say something else when his eyes shot back to Fabio who was approaching them. "Speak of the devil," he muttered from the corner of his mouth, winking.

Fabio shot him a confused look. "Were you guys talking about me?"

"I'm not sure," Jonathan replied airily. "Were we, Mary?"

Mary shot him a furious look, but could not prevent her cheeks from rapidly turning into the same colour as the remains of the piece of watermelon she was holding in her hands. However, she forced herself to look Fabio straight in the eye and pretend she was not blushing fiercely. "No," she said boldly before turning her attention back to Erin and giving her the final piece of watermelon.

Fabio's eyebrows rose ever so slightly and he exchanged a glance with Jonathan - Jonathan winked cheekily, Mary noticed – but he seemed to think it was best to ignore it for the moment. Instead, he cleared his throat and turned back to Mary. "Do you have time to come to the stables with me? There is something I want to show you."

Mary dared to shoot a glance at Jonathan and could see he was itching to make a bold remark, so she replied quickly before he would have been able to open his mouth. "I don't know. Erin…"

"Ooooh, I can watch her!" Jonathan cried excitedly, all naughtiness forgotten. "Let uncle Jonathan take care of little Erin," he cooed at the baby girl, who cackled happily in reply.

Fabio laughed. "I think we have a winner," he said before holding his hand out to Mary. "Shall we?"

* * *

On their way to the stables Mary tried to convince Fabio several times in telling her what he wanted show her, but he wouldn't budge. He just smiled mysteriously, said she would found out soon enough and that it would not kill her to be a little patient. Mary huffed and continued walking with her arms crossed, feeling annoyed and wondering if he realized that she was one of the most impatient girls he would ever knew, but Fabio acted like he did not notice. He just walked on in peace, whistling a merry tune to himself and ignoring Mary's pouting. Finally, as they stepped inside the stable and were greeted by several whinnying horses, Fabio turned back to look at her. "Now, I hope you will like this, as it will be another birthday present from me."

"But you already gave me a camera," Mary replied, surprised.

"Together with Jonathan, Fiona and Luigi, yes. But I also wanted to give you something just from me."

"Oh… Okay, so what is it?"

"I'll show you. Come on," he said before walking into one of the long corridors. "See," he explained when a curious Mary followed him, "since we're about to set Pegasus free, I think we should give you something else to focus on. You're particularly good with unmanageable horses, so" – he paused in front of a tall box near the back of the stable – "let's meet your new project."

Mary took a careful step forward to the box and peeked through the bars. What she saw inside made her gasp with shock. The horse standing in a far corner of the stall was so skinny that she could count almost every rib and bone on its body. The manes and tail were knitted together in knots and its fur was covered in dust and mud; Mary reasoned that one time the horse's fur must have been a lovely golden brown, but right now it looked just awful. This horse had been very badly treated, there was no question about it. "Who did this?" she whispered, appalled.

"Eduardo found him in the fields at the far border of the ranch. It seems someone left it there, because I've been here long enough to know this horse didn't used to be ours."

"Him, is it a gelding?"

"Stallion. And none of us can get close enough to touch it. I'm not saying you'll be successful first time, but you do know your way around horses that others can't deal with. And…"

He hesitated and she shot him a look. "What?"

"Well, look at the horse. He's obviously got a trauma and you've been through a major trauma, so I thought… It's kinda stupid, really, but perhaps you could Heal each other?"

"Yeah, maybe." She smiled and took another look at the horse. "I'll need some time, though. This is not going to be easy. What is his name?"

"Doesn't have one. Eduardo thought we should leave that up to you."

Mary nodded. "I'll think about it."

Fabio smiled and tickled the horse in the next stall, a young brown mare called Farah who had come to see what all the fuss was about, behind the ears. "You do like the gift, don't you? If not, you can tell me. Then we'll have to put the horse down, but-"

"What, no! I love it, I do. As long as you don't expect me to ride it in a week. This will take several months, if not a year. It's going to be a lot of work, but you know what: I like a challenge."

She walked over to Fabio and put a hand on his arm. "This'll be perfect to take my mind of things for a while, thank you."

And without planning or even realizing what she was about to do, Mary felt herself reach up on her toes and kiss his cheek. Fabio seemed as surprised as she was and took a hesitant step backwards, accidentally knocking into Farah's head in the process, who gave a frightened snort and turned back around. "Ehm… You're welcome," he muttered after a rather unpleasant moment of silence. "Do you want to go back to the others?"

"I think that'd be best," Mary replied, still feeling dazed about what she had just done, before she remembered something else and put her embarrassment behind her. "Wait, I was wondering about something."

Fabio, his confidence already restored, looked up from closing Farah's stall. "What?"

"I would like to learn how to speak Portuguese."

"You do?"

"My kids will be speaking two languages as they grow up and I've been thinking that I should be able to do that, too."

He nodded approvingly. "That's a very good idea, actually. I'm sure Roberto has several books on learning Portuguese lying around somewhere. I'll ask him."

* * *

The next month Mary divided her time in working in the hospital and the ranch, taking care of Erin and the dishevelled horse _and_ learning Portuguese. Roberto had been very supportive about her plans to learn the language – apparently she was one of the few ranchers from abroad who would like to speak the native language - and even volunteered to tutor her three nights a week. Mary had never seen him this enthusiastic about anything before, she even caught him smiling one night when she managed to flawlessly describe her main tasks on the ranch. Before assigning her with another two chapters to struggle through in preparation for the next lesson. It was no wonder that Roberto was strongly reminding her of Professor McGonagall. Luckily Fabio was always there to help out if she did not succeed in finishing her assignments on time.

But this hardly ever happened. In fact, Mary enjoyed studying Portuguese so much that she was often caught reading in the stable of the new horse in her free time. Sitting on a bale of hay in the corner, she wrote down her essays on scrolls of parchment and read Paul Brickhill's "The Great Escape" in Portuguese, hoping that one day the stallion would get used to her presence. So far she had not been able to get close to him without putting herself in danger. What she did do was think of a great name: she named the horse Augusto (kingly in Portuguese), for she believed that underneath that hostile and traumatized attitude, there had to be a kind and proud horse somewhere.

Contrary to the plan of skipping her own birthday, Mary would not think twice of doing the same to Erin. She knew that her daughter deserved to celebrate this day like any other one-year-old (hardly realizing what it was about, contrary to their parents), even though Mary had mixed feelings about it. Sirius was not here to celebrate Erin's birthday with them. What's more: he would never see his daughter become older, never even attend one of her birthdays. Would he be thinking about her and Erin today or would Azkaban already have extinguished the memory of them? Mary did not know for sure, but she simply could not stop thinking about how happy they had been on this day, exactly one year ago. They were on a holiday in Ireland, Lily and James had still been alive, Sirius saying he could not have been more proud of her…

But in the end, Mary managed to force these depressive thoughts to the back of her mind and make it a memorable day. Erin received lots of presents and Natalya baked an amazing birthday cake with a bright pink "Erin" and a big number "1" glazed on top. The baby girl enjoyed being in the centre of the attention for a while, although she lost interest in her own presents rather quickly and tried to snatch Guido's teddy bear instead, resulting in a hysterical crying fit of both Guido _and_ Erin.

A few weeks later, when Mary was at home working on another assignment from Roberto, Fabio came over to take a look at a leak on the ceiling in the corner of the room. It had been pouring with rain for four days straight, which was pretty unusual for this time of Summer. But Mary, having lived in England all her life, had actually missed rain storms. She loved the ticking of the rain on the windows, it made her think of home. The irony did not escape her: Sirius would have had a blast teasing her about this, considering she always used to curse the rainy British climate. She watched Fabio use his wand to examine the wall with the leak for a while before turning her attention back to her homework and frowning thoughtfully. "What is Unicorn in Portuguese?"

"Unicórno," Fabio replied. "What do you need that for?"

"Another assignment from Roberto. He wants me to describe Pegasus's return to the wild in detail. Bloody slave-driver," she added darkly.

Fabio laughed. "A slave-driving maniac he might be, but there's no one who could teach you better. Just keep in mind that he-"

He stopped talking in mid-sentence and Mary looked up in confusion. But he was not looking back at her, his eyes were focused on a baby girl who had just stood up on her feet, albeit holding onto the edge of the couch for support. Mary dropped her quill in shock and pushed her chair back, staring at Erin. "Oh my God."

Fabio beamed at her. "She's standing."

"She's standing," Mary repeated dully, feeling numb.

"Mary, she's standing!"

She looked at his blissful face, his twinkling light brown eyes, and suddenly all she could see was Sirius, yet again missing out on something wonderful he was not supposed to miss. She could feel her heart constrict in her chest, and then she was crying. Fabio, who had crouched down in front of Erin to pick her up, looked up in shock, startled at first, but when she did not stop crying, he immediately got back to his feet, took three big steps towards and pulled her in a close hug. "What's the matter?" he asked worriedly when she had calmed down slightly. "Aren't you happy?"

"I am," Mary said as she brushed the tears from her eyes. "Of course I'm happy. But it's… It's just another thing Sirius won't see and-" she spoke quickly when Fabio opened his mouth to interrupt – "I don't care what you think of him, but not seeing your baby taking its first steps is not something a father should miss. That is not fair to him, and not fair to Erin either."

"I understand how you're feeling. No, I do," Fabio said after a pause as he turned back to pick up Erin, who had already flopped back down into a sitting position. "But no matter how you look at this: Sirius is going to miss out on a lot more and you know it."

He handed Erin over and Mary sat back down with the impatiently moving girl on her lap. "That's just the way things are and you can do nothing about that but accept it. And, in the highly unlikely situation that Black _does_ come back to you and Erin one day, there's always this."

He picked up the camera from the sink and put it down on the table in front of Mary, who looked at him. "Photo's?" she asked.

Fabio nodded and smiled. "I'd say that the next time this little tiger stands up on her feet, you at least should be prepared."

He gave her another nod before he went back to the leaky corner and left them sitting at the table. Mary picked up the camera and let Erin look at it, who curiously tugged on the protective lid on the lens. When it did not come off, she lost interest and yawned hugely before grabbing a string of her mother's hair instead. Mary smiled to herself. Some things would never change. As for the rest, at least she now had a camera to record everything. And Fabio was right, this was only the beginning of milestones Sirius was going to miss out on when it came to Erin and her little brother or sister. Their first day of school, the first time they would sit on a broom… Mary knew nothing was ever going to change that and that she would have to deal with these things on her own, but she knew she had to do it. Because her children were all that mattered now. She smiled down when Erin suddenly cooed something unintelligible followed by "Mu-mah" and lovingly kissed the girl's dark brown downy hair before whispering: "I'm so proud of you."

**- End of Update -**


	12. Eleven: Denial

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* * *

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**Author's Note: **I'll be speeding up a little in this chapter. Only a few months, but soon we'll be hopping years. We're still have some updates to go before Sirius show up again, though…

**Dedication**: To AnimalAddictions and GiddyGirlie, who recently both caught up on this story and read (and reviewed!) several chapters at once.

**Disclaimer**: You guessed it. Still nothing.

**Eleven: Denial**

Not much changed over the next three months. Mary's stomach grew steadily and she felt relatively well, although she got tired more quickly than she used to and often had to take little naps once or twice a day to keep herself going. Mary was still a little afraid that she had hurt her unborn baby in the first weeks of pregnancy, so she regularly went to check-ups with Natalya (just to be on the safe side) and so far, everything seemed to be going the way it should be.

Her firstborn had now truly discovered the little wonder of standing on both feet and was walking around as much as she could. Apparently life looked totally different from an upright position, because Erin seemed to be on a quest to discover every familiar sight around her from this exciting new point of view. She had also started to talk more and more. Complete sentences were still too much to ask (as were words that consisted of more than two syllables), but she seemed to enjoy chattering to people a lot. Erin's favourite words? "No" was definitely one of them, as were "house", "home" and the Portuguese word for night ("noite"). However, the thing she was currently saying most often was: "Bye-bye."

Mary suspected that was mostly her doing, because she was saying "bye-bye" to Erin abour four times a week whenever she had to go working at the hospital and dropped her daughter off by Natalya and the twins. Either way, Erin was really starting to grow up fast now and Mary often wondered if she was being a good mum. There was not really anyone around she could ask for advice, these were the things she would have liked to talk about with her mother or Lily; for some reason, Mary felt weary of consulting Natalya and Roberto about pedagogic matters, so she ended up doing what she thought was right and hoped for the best.

One night in early April after she had returned from the hospital, Mary was sitting on a bale of straw in Augusto's box and worked on another Portuguese quiz for Roberto. She was spending a lot of time in this stall lately, and although the horse had not actually dared to come closer yet, he at least no longer backed away when she entered the box. Mary made sure she also practised Portuguese sentences aloud so that the horse could get used to the sound of her voice. Not that it seemed to have much effect on him yet. Augusto merely watched her suspiciously when she was scribbling answers on a scroll of parchment and quietly read it aloud afterwards. She was currently trying to translate "The sky is cloudy" into Portuguese.

"O céu está nublada," Mary wrote before checking what she had written down. "Hmm, that can't be right." She thoughtfully scratched her chin with the feather of her quill for a moment. "Of course! It should be nublado, not nublada." She hastily corrected her mistake before smirking at the animal next to her. "I so rock," she grinned at him.

Augusto did not respond. He just stood there watching her, chewing on a mouthful of hay before bending his head and gnawing on the inside of his right front leg to fight off a sudden itch. Mary smiled. At least the horse's skin was a lot cleaner than it used to be. Last weekend Sayid had mixed a powerful sleeping draft through his water. Once Augusto was unconscious, Sayid had helped Mary giving the horse a bath. They needed to use their wands to wash and comb his stuck manes and tail. Unfortunately Sayid had slightly overdosed Augusto's water with the sleeping draft, so the horse had remained extremely drowsy for a few days after the "operation", but at least now they could see the horse's fur really was a magnificent golden brown.

Mary sighed and got back to her quiz. _Translate the next simple sentences into Portuguese_. "You are beautiful," she muttered. "You is Tú… Are, és. Beautiful…"

From the corner of her eye, Mary noticed that Augusto had taken a few hesitant steps in her direction. Not in a threatening way, he just seemed curious to see what was going on. Mary tried to ignore the rush of excitement that flooded over her and pretended she hadn't noticed anything. "Beautiful is bonito. So that would be… Tu és bonito."

She was just writing down the translated sentence on the parchment when Augusto was standing right next to her and started to sniffle at the bale of straw that was right under her left knee. Mary had to restrain herself from reaching out and gently touch his neck, because she knew that could easily scare him and undo the progress of the last few weeks in an instant. Augusto was now sniffling her knee and although Mary knew she could get seriously injured if he tried to bite her without warning, she somehow knew he wasn't going to. Slowly, very slowly, she put her quill down and put her hands down next to her knee, palms up.

After a moment of hesitation, the horse started sniffle her hands too. Very gently, Mary slightly lifted her fingers to tickle him under his chin. Augusto immediately jerked up his head in agitation, but right when she feared he would step away from her, the horse seemed to decide he liked her touch and slowly lowered his head towards her. Mary was positively glowing inside when Augusto allowed her to place her hand on his head and stroke his nose. This was a huge step forward!

"Brave boy," she whispered proudly. "You're not so grumpy after all, are you? You're sweet. And… beautiful." Mary smiled when she noticed Augusto's ears were faced forward and occasionally flicked sideways in a curious manner, indicating that he was feeling comfortable around her. "Tu és bonito," she told him quietly.

And then something else exciting happened. Something inside her lower stomach seemed to bump, like someone let a bag of popcorn pop inside her body. She was being kicked from the inside in a playful way. If Mary wouldn't have known what it meant, it would have really scared her. But she could still remember the day it had happened with Erin for the first time like it was yesterday. Nevertheless, she gasped out of shock and put a hand to her belly, momentarily forgetting that she was still caressing Augusto's head.

The horse jumped backwards and accidentally hit the wall of his stall with a loud bang, his ears so flat on his head that they were barely visible. Clearly sudden movements were out of bounds and could damage their fragile bond. But for a moment, Mary was too engaged with what was happening inside her body. She gently patted the spot on her stomach where she had felt the baby kick as though to answer its call. "Hi," she whispered back excitedly, trying not to remember how happy Sirius had been to be with her when Erin kicked for the first time. "It's nice to meet you, baby," she said softly before looking up at Augusto, who had turned his back at her, his ears still faced backwards.

Mary sighed and looked down at her stomach. "You're a real troublemaker already, you know that? All the time and energy I spent on this horse and you bring us back to square one with one kick. Nice."

She sighed and looked at Augusto's back. "No chance on a congratulatory hug from you, then?"

She smiled wryly when the horse gave an annoyed flick with his tail as a reply and shook her head before picking up her quill when a panting man holding a pitchfork suddenly appeared in the doorway of the stall. "Sayid!" Mary called out in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"I knew you had been working on Augusto for the last hour and I heard this loud bang coming from your area and I just thought…"

"I'm fine, Sayid. Nothing happened."

"Oh." He put the pitchfork down and looked at Augusto. "He's not looking too happy, though."

Mary grimaced. "I know. Let's just say we were, er… disturbed."

Sayid arched his eyebrows. "Disturbed?"

"Yes. Two moments ago we were making _such_ progress. I was working on this quiz from Roberto and Augusto came to check out what I was doing. He even let me stroke his head! Oh Sayid, for a moment I actually saw the horse behind that wall of anger and hostility."

Sayid leaned on his pitchfork. "So what happened?"

"I felt the baby kick. For the first time, I might add. So naturally I reacted a little surprised and that caused Augusto to jump back and… and…"

"Turn his back on you again?"

He sounded amused and Mary snorted. "Yeah."

"So your baby kicked, huh? Congratulations."

"Thanks!" Mary beamed before she felt another kick and jumped up from her bale of straw. "Oh! It just kicked again. Come feel!"

Sayid suddenly looked flustered. "Oh. No, really, I can't."

"It won't bite you," she laughed, stepping forward and reaching for his hand. "Come on, I show you."

But Sayid was slowly backing away from her. "No, I'm good like this, thanks. But I can get Fabio for you if you want."

Mary dropped her arms to her sides and frowned at him. "What would I want you to fetch Fabio?"

"Well, you know…"

Her eyebrows were travelling up her forehead fast. "No… No, I don't think I do."

She had never seen Sayid look this flustered before. "You and Fabio… He's already being a second father to Erin and you… You kind of already belong to him, so he really should be the first one to…"

Mary had put her hands on her hips, starting to feel annoyed. "Well, Sayid, I don't _belong_ to anyone and it's just a baby saying hello to the outside world. It's not like I'm immediately branding you surrogate dad to this child if you touch it when it's kicking. Jesus!"

"But… I don't-"

Sayid's voice trailed off at Mary's impressive glare and he looked like he wanted to leave right now. Mary was about to tell him he could go when a whistling Fabio appeared from around the corner, guiding an impressive black stallion called Ceasar he had been riding back to his stable. He paused when he had reached them. "I came across Natalya on the way here. She said she's making us empanada's tonight!"

Neither Mary nor Sayid responded to this announcement (Natalya's empanada's were legendary) and Fabio arched his eyebrows, appearing oblivious to the tense silence around him. "Everything alright?"

Mary shot Sayid a defiant look as though to challenge him into explaining what they had just been discussing, but he avoided her gaze and nervously cleared his throat. "I was just passing Mary on my way back to Vera. Her foal was kicking earlier, you see and-"

"Kicking?" Fabio asked, his eyebrows raised. "But Vera has only been with young for nine weeks."

"Err… Yes. Which is why I better go and check on her. Now. See if it is happening again," Sayid replied while stepping backwards and simultaneously turning on his heel. He stumbled over a bucket in the process, but pretended nothing happened and kept on walking without looking back.

Fabio's brow was furrowed as he continued to stare at his friend's back until he disappeared out of sight. When Sayid finally disappeared into one of the boxes at the other end of the stable, Fabio thoughtfully scratched his chin. "Weird…"

When he turned back to Mary, he noticed that her glare was now focused on him and he shot her a surprised look. "What?"

"What is wrong with you?"

"Excuse me?"

"Have you been telling people we are going out?"

Fabio frowned at her, ignoring that Ceasar was jerking his head into the direction of a nearby bale of hay to take a bite out of it. "Why would I do that?"

"Because Sayid did not want to touch my stomach."

He appeared puzzled. "Why would you want him-"

"The baby! It kicked."

His face broke into a smile. "It did? That's wonderful. Isn't that a good sign?"

"It is, but you know why he didn't want to feel it kick? Because of you! He thinks only you should do that, because he believes you and I…"

"Yes…"

Mary, sensing that Fabio was thinking of this as a joke, started to feel even more infuriated with him. "He said he thinks I _belong_ to you."

"Did he now?"

"Yes! Like I'm betrothed to you or something. Well, let me tell you, mister: this isn't the freaking Middle-Ages we're living in."

"And I'm glad it isn't, because what a bride you would be. Knocked up twice by a convicted mass murderer. Quite the priced possession if you ask me."

He was grinning, but Mary felt so angry that she was getting close to let steam come out of her ears. "You think this is _funny_?" she hissed.

Fabio finally seemed to notice this was not a joke to her. "Come on, Mary…"

"Don't "Mary" me!"

Fabio's eyebrows shot up in amused surprise, but Mary succeeded in ignoring the irony of that last sentence. "I don't know what it is with a woman belonging to a man in your culture, but I will never be treated like that in my life, understand?"

"But-"

"I'm not a piece of cattle you can tie up with a bow and trade on the market whenever you feel like it."

"Have I ever given you the impression I would?"

"Irregardless! It's a matter of principle."

"Now you're overreacting, Mary."

"Overreacting?" she fumed, noticing he was still not taking this serious. "I'll show you overreacting," she snapped as she rushed past him into Augusto's stall, picked up her homework and walked back out to shoot Fabio a last furious look. "I hate you. Hate you and… and… your constant careless view on things. Also: that arrogant smile on your face. And your teeth are way too white!"

Fabio now looked at her as if she had lost her mind and although she would never admit it to his face, Mary had just started to wonder that herself. What was going on with her? But before he could have said anything else, she slammed the door of Augusto's box shut, ignoring the horse's taunted whinny, and turned on her heel to stalk off.

"It was nice talking to you!" Fabio called after her, the amusement still in his voice, but she did not turn back.

* * *

When she was walking back home, she started to analyze where that sudden rush of unjustified anger had come from. Sayid's obvious belief in seeing her and Fabio as a couple, and then Fabio's relaxed response when she had told him about it. He did not seem to mind at all. Well, of course he wouldn't, Mary thought surly. He was the one having feelings for her. But the longer she thought about this, the more she had to admit that she was starting to develop certain feelings for him as well. There was no casual friend that could have made her react this hysterical.

And this development was very, _very_ inconvenient. Not only was she pregnant from another man, she still hadn't got over him and doubted she ever would. But Fabio was always there when she needed him and Mary realized she had started to count on that as well. Also, he had more things in common with Sirius that she liked to admit. There was his carelessness, that mesmerizing smile, his dry sense of humour and from what she had seen, the incredibly toned body. Mary couldn't help but wonder about that scar on his shoulder; she still hadn't asked him where he got that.

But if she did, he would know that she had been staring at him that night he stayed with her. Either way, she was going to have to get her act together. There was no way she could get romantically involved with him now, if ever. No matter what the entire ranch community was thinking: they were just good friends and nothing more. As though it was judging a case in court, the baby suddenly gave another kick in agreement. _Sirius's_ baby. As if it wasn't obvious enough already, that certainly was another good reminder.

* * *

After Mary had taken a shower and put on one of the few dressed she could still wear, she headed towards the main house for dinner. Erin immediately came stepping towards her and Mary met the girl halfway by picking her up. "Ahhh, you're growing up so fast," Mary said. "It's scary. But you're also making your mummy proud."

Erin had grabbed a string of her hair. "Bye-bye?" she said.

"No, not bye-bye. We're not saying goodbye. It's hello!"

"'Lo?"

Mary smiled. "Yeah… 'Lo."

She walked over to the others and was relieved to see Fabio had not yet arrived. Sayid had, though and he was clearly trying to stay out of her way as much as possible. Suddenly feeling ashamed abour her behaviour earlier that night, she headed over to him. "I'm sorry about earlier, Sayid. I don't know what came over me."

"Is okay," he shrugged as he levitated a large tray of sangria and water from the sink. He patted her on the shoulder with his other hand as though to say they were good again before taking the tray to the table.

When Mary turned back, she noticed Fabio had just sat down next to Roberto and Jonathan. He was laughing at something Jonathan was saying. Apparently it was really funny, because he threw his head back in laughter, displaying that immaculate set of white teeth. He looked so much like Sirius for a moment that it made her heart jump to her throat. Then she suddenly felt someone elbowing her. It was Fiona, carrying two bowls of chopped vegetables. "Stop staring at him like that," she said from the corner of her mouth.

"I'm not staring," Mary said, a little defensively. "I was just wondering what Jonathan's talking about that can be so funny."

"Knowing Jonathan, probably something R-rated," Fiona replied, winking before handing Mary the other bowl and sashaying her way to the table. She had dumped Luigi the blacksmith a few nights ago, so Fiona was a free agent again. She now had her eye one of the newest Potion Experts from the village, Francesco Tombola.

Mary rolled her eyes and followed Fiona's sashaying back to the other end of the table where she sat down, putting Erin down in the chair next to her. "So Mary," Roberto started while Natalya was handing out the chicken and shrimp empanada's. "Any luck on my quiz?"

"I'm working on it," Mary replied after swallowing her mouthful of lemonade. "It was kind of hard at first, but I think I'm really getting the hang of it."

"Deadline is on Friday," Roberto said, chewing on a bite of grilled aubergine. "Think you can manage?"

"Well, I'll-"

"Mary's not once missed a deadline at Hogwarts," Jonathan cut in. "Of course she can handle it."

She shot him an amused look. "I think you're confusing me with Lily, Jonathan. I can think of more than one occasion where I had to come up to Slughorn with a lousy excuse on why I hadn't finished my Potions homework."

Jonathan snorted. "I'm sure you did. But yeah, that Evans. Always looking for opportunities to please the Professors."

Fabio choked on his empanada and Fiona snorted in her sangria and Mary arched her eyebrows at Jonathan. "There are more ways to interpret that one, you know."

"Not with Evans, you won't," Jonathan grinned in return before winking mischievously at Fabio, who smiled but didn't say anything.

Mary listlessly pushed her empanada around on her plate, thinking about his behaviour. He did not appear angry to her, but his neutral air had made it very clear that he would not take the first step. It was up to _her_ to go to him. She spent the rest of the dinner listening to Fiona telling everyone about the amazing newly discovered Limb-Shrinking Potion Francesco managed to brew earlier today.

* * *

Afterwards, when Mary and the other girls were helping Natalya to clean up the kitchen, she noticed Fabio was about to leave. She quickly excused herself to the others and hurried after him. She caught him by the door. "Fabio wait!"

He turned around. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she panted, surprised that a little stroll like this was already making her catching her breath like this. "Or, maybe there is. Can we talk?"

Fabio looked past her and, realizing someone was watching them, caught her by the arm. "Let's go in here," he said quietly while pushing her in the direction of Roberto's study room. When Mary looked back she could just see the blonde ponytail belonging to Fiona disappear around the corner. Rolling her eyes, she walked inside and leaned back against the wooden desk. When she looked at Fabio, she realized he was standing a few feet away from her with his hands in his pockets, fingers hooked on his belt. _Another_ Sirius pose. Mary shook her head to get rid of this thought and stared at her sneakers. She really needed to stop doing this.

"What's up?"

Mary looked up at him, suddenly not sure anymore where she should start. "I eh… I think I owe you an apology."

He shot her a look, his eyebrows slightly raised and with a small smile. "You think?"

Okay, so he's definitely not angry, Mary thought and she shot him a more confident smile. "Yes. About what happened at the stables earlier today."

"Yeah, what _was_ that?"

"To tell you the truth, I don't really know. Hormones, probably," she replied with a shrug. "Either way, I kind of…"

"Overreacted?" Fabio offered, his eyes twinkling mischievously.

Mary felt her cheeks burn, but couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah," she grinned. "Overreacted."

"Apology accepted," he said simply after watching her for a moment, his head cocked over to the side.

"Thanks. But… Everyone still thinks we're something other than just friends and-"

"Well, you staring at me all the way through dinner won't change that view soon."

"You saw that?!"

Fabio looked into her eyes, more seriously than he had done for a long time. "I see a lot more than you think," he said quietly.

A tense silence followed where they just stared at each other. Mary swallowed with difficulty and stared down at her hands, realizing she had been fidgeting with her engagement ring the entire time. After everything that had happened, she was still wearing it. The thought of actually taking it off had not even occurred to her. She suddenly dropped her hands in her lap. "I…"

"It's okay, Mary," Fabio said and when she finally looked up again, she noticed he was standing right in front of her. Being so close to him caused her stomach to flip upside down and back, although she could not tell if it was in an unpleasant way or not. "This is confusing you a great deal. I understand, so maybe… Maybe I should just back off. Not that I haven't been trying to do that already, but… Back off a little more."

"Yeah, maybe," Mary replied, starting to feel more confused by the minute. Was he implying what she thought he was implying? That she was actually falling for him? But he could not be more wrong about that. Or _was_ he? Hadn't she been thinking about him all day? Possibly even more than Sirius? Had she not hoped that Fabio would appear in the doorway instead of Sayid? Had she reacted to strongly to Sayid's statement about her and Fabio because he and the others had figured it all out before she did?

Mary suddenly noticed that her long nails were digging into the palm of her other hand. She cleared her throat and looked at Fabio, but bit her lip when her eyes finally met his. Eyes that were clearly expressing he cared for her deeply. "Look," he said after another pause where Mary had witnessed his eyes turn about two shades darker. "You don't need any of this right now. You're in no position to…"

"To do what?"

He groaned and rubbed his brow in confusion. "Mary, you're almost seven months pregnant and there's no man by your side. Not like last time, anyway. Hormones or not, it only makes sense that your body and mind are trying to find some kind of substitute. And I don't want you to do something you might be regretting later."

Mary frowned in confusion. "But who says I want this? Whatever that might be," she added surly before trailing off when Fabio reached out and gently tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. He accidentally – or maybe he did it on purpose, she couldn't tell for sure – grazed the skin of her neck in the process and this unexpected touch sent shivers down her spine.

Fabio must have noticed the reaction of her body, because he smiled sadly at her, although Mary could also detect a note of cockiness. "Enough said."

Mary didn't even know if he was right about this; that he knew something she did not, or perhaps wasn't ready to give in on yet. Either way she suddenly felt the need to deny whatever was going on with her. "Fabio, please don't…"

He silenced her for the second time that night, this time by putting his index and third finger to her lips. "Erin means a lot to me and I you know will always be there for this child as well, but I'm not going to be this replacement for what you once had. I want more, and I know I can't ask that from you now."

"But I-"

Fabio leaned forward and softly kissed her cheek. "I'll leave you to your thoughts now," he whispered before stepping down and walking towards the door of the room. "I won't pester you about this again," he said with his hand on the handle. "When you've figured all of this out, it's up to you to come to me."

Mary shot him a look, the place on her cheek where he had kissed her still burning. "How can you be so sure I will?"

"You found me this time, didn't you?" He shot her a kind but confident smirk that had Sirius written all over it before he walked out of the room, leaving Mary behind with more confused thoughts running through her mind since the days she had started to wonder if Sirius Black was not such an arrogant jerk after all.

-End of Update -

**Song from the title: Denial by the Sugababes**


	13. Twelve: Lightning Crashes

**Author's Note**: Something big will happen at the end of this chapter. I hope you guys love that scene as much as I enjoyed writing it. Also, an old friend of Mary will make an appearance in this update. In some way, that is…

**Dedication: **CanYouHereTheSoldiersComing and Hellbell. Another two newcomers. I love new readers, so welcome and I hope both of you will continue enjoying the story.

**Disclaimer**: Every HP-character belongs to JK, the OC's and the setting to me. It's that simple. Now if only I found a way to get my hands on the canon characters and scenery as well, haha.

**Twelve: Lightning ****Crashes ***

It only took Mary a few days to figure that Fabio must have been right. In fact, hormones that made her think he was the perfect substitute for Sirius was the only plausible explanation. Why else would she be falling for him like this when she still wasn't convinced of Sirius's guilt? So now, whenever she found herself staring at Fabio's toned arm muscles when he was carrying bales of hay or his well-formed backside in those new Levi's… Hormones. Hormones, and nothing else. Although part of Mary couldn't help but wonder why her hormones remained so focused on Fabio instead of making her check out every man in sight.

Speaking of Fabio: he remained true to his word and kept his distance. Mary knew he would help her out with anything as soon as she asked him to, but pride prevented her from doing such a thing. If he could stay away from her that easily, then so could she. Instead Mary spent the following month focusing on her pregnancy. She had now entered the last stage and had started to feel bloated again. Mary kind of hoped this would be one of the things not appearing in a second pregnancy, but so far she had never felt more unattractive.

Jonathan comparing her to a swelling balloon at breakfast one morning was not making her feel much better. "I swear you're almost twice your normal size," he noted after swallowing a bite of toast. "One blow in the right direction and you would take off in the wind."

He shot her a teasing grin with twinkling eyes, obviously unaware of his bluntness, and Mary glared at him. But instead of replying she merely flicked her wand, sending a quick jinx at him that made his recently swallowed food come back up and forced him to chew it all over again, resulting in making him gag. "So sorry," Mary said serenely when Jonathan pushed his chair backwards and hurried over to the bathroom. "Must be the hormones."

Fiona burst out laughing and Eduardo, who was sitting next to Mary, chuckled before muttering something in Portuguese that Mary understood as "Should've seen that one coming". And from the corner of her eyes she could see that the corners of Fabio's mouth had twitched, even though he was trying hard to keep a straight face. After another moment she shot him a sneaky look, but of course he noticed. He gave her a barely perceptible wink, which made her stomach flip upside down and. Mary hastily looked down at her hands. _Hormones_, she told herself strongly before picking up her wand and pushing her chair back.

"Where are you going?" Fiona asked.

"To find Jonathan and perform the anti-jinx. I think he's suffered enough."

She huffed. "If I were you I would make it last a little longer. That was a very mean thing to say."

"It's not the first time people have said something like that to me," Mary replied with a smile, thinking of James in a pool in a certain Irish inn.

Fiona looked intrigued, but Mary easily cut her off: "Look, that was a pretty nasty jinx and he was only kidding." She frowned. "At least I hope so… Anyway, I'd better go and help him out."

* * *

Later that day Mary was taking Augusto out for a walk. The horse had finally started to warm up to her. Since that one time in the stables when she could stroke his manes (before the baby disturbed the peace by giving a kick), he was no longer jumpy around her. He finally seemed to feel at ease and Mary soon felt safe to sit down in front of him without fearing he would kick or bite her. And even though Augusto still did not trust anyone else on the ranch and was not nearly ready to be taken out riding, he did enjoy Mary taking him out for walks to stretch his legs. Slowly of course, because she – unlike the horse - was in no condition to jog around the ranch.

But both of them enjoyed their peaceful strolls on the property. Even in May it was still sunny. The cooler Autumn sun got altered with rain, sure enough, but it was still warm enough to walk around in skirts and tank tops. This time Mary was on the beach; she tried to show Augusto that the ocean was not an enemy, but that the water was a friend you could play and have fun with. "See?" Mary asked sweetly as she slowly stepped backwards in the shallow water and let the waves wash over her bare feet. "I'm in the water and I still have my feet on me. There's nothing to it. Come on, Gus."

She gently tucked the rein and Augusto shot the water a very weary look before he taking a few hesitant steps into the sea. He looked momentarily bemused at his own courage before nervously backing away onto dry land. Mary shook her head but let him, laughing. "Chicken!"

She then turned around and started walking, still with her feet in the water. She was holding her flip flops in one hand and Augusto's rein in the other and continued walking, making sure she was not looking back. Maybe this would convince the horse that the sea really wasn't all that dangerous, but although Augusto did trot along behind her, he was keeping all his four hooves on dry land. Mary didn't really mind; they would tackle the "How to walk in water"-step another time. She was feeling tired anyway and decided they had done enough for one day. Mary took Augusto back to his stall, pretending she could not see Fabio fixing a hole in the fence of the nearest meadow on the way, although she could not ignore the feeling that he was probably doing the same thing.

* * *

That night Mary had trouble falling asleep. She felt restless and the only time she had actually managed to doze off, she had a nightmare, dreaming that she visited Azkaban with her newborn baby to show Sirius, but he (wearing a Death Eater's mask) refused to believe he was the father. He was sharing a cell with Bellatrix Lestrange – who just wouldn't stop laughing at her - and jeered he would never have another child with a Mudblood like her, that making that mistake one time was bad enough. And then a viciously smirking Bellatrix leaned her head on Sirius's shoulder to whisper: "You didn't actually believe he would not come to his senses eventually, did you?"

Mary woke up with a jolt, Bellatrix's hysterical cackle still ringing in her ears. She was sweating all over and put a trembling hand against her forehead. She was burning up. And there was something else; she could feel a strong and painful pressure on her stomach. Mary groaned and put a hand on her belly before taking a deep breath. But the pain did not go away. After another moment, she anxiously lifted the blanket. There was blood on the sheets. A _lot_ of blood. This was bad. Was something wrong with the baby?

Mary swung her legs over the edge of the bed and tried to get on her feet, but soon realized she did not have the strength to do so. She lay back down instead and snapped her eyes shut in fear. She did not have a choice. Natalya promised she would be there day and night if something happened, and this was an emergency if there ever was one. With some difficulty Mary managed to reach for her wand and quickly sent a Patronus to Natalya.

The next minute was one of the terrifying moments in her life. Mary just lay there, wondering what in Merlin's name was going on, with no one around to hold her hand. Not once did she dare to open her eyes; instead she concentrated on her breathing and tried to determine if something was changing. Nothing did, the pressure on her stomach was still the same, but Mary didn't know if that was a good sign or not. Finally, after what seemed like hours, there was an urgent knock on the front door of the cabin. "Mary?" the hoarse voice of Natalya called.

"Yeah, I'm here!" she called back, noticing there was a frightened tremble in her voice.

The door burst open and Natalya hurried inside with Roberto on her heels. The bang of the door hitting the wall woke Erin and the girl started to cry. Mary wasn't sure if Natalya even noticed, because the woman strolled over towards her with a worried frown on her face. "What's going on?"

"I- I'm not sure. It's just… My stomach hurts bad, there's this weird pressure on it and there's blood everywhere." Mary swallowed. "It's not good…"

"Hush dear, we'll see about that," Natalya replied soothingly before looking at her husband. "Are you going to stand there all night or will you calm down that poor little girl?"

"Oh er… yes, of course," Roberto mumbled before heading over to Erin's bedroom.

"Now let's have a look, shall we?" Natalya said as she positioned herself at the end of the bed. "Just focus on your breathing and try to stay calm."

She bit her lip while nodding and waited until Natalya was done. "Well my girl," the woman said when she put the blankets back in place. "It is not so much blood as you thought it was."

Mary was about to heave a relieved sigh when she noticed the concerned look on the woman's face. "But that's a good sign, isn't it?"

"Not exactly. You've lost a lot of fluid and although I'll still have to run some tests, I am fairly sure that your membranes have ruptured prematurely."

Mary stared at her. "What?"

"It means you're in early labour."

"B-But… I still have more than a month to go!"

Natalya nodded gravely and momentarily looked up when Roberto appeared in the doorway with a rather restless Erin in his arms. "Indeed," she said. "Which is why we're going to do anything to prevent that from happening. You-"

She was disrupted by Roberto loudly clearing his throat. "Yes?"

"I have a question for Mary," he said. "What song do you always sing when you take Erin to bed?"

"Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star," Mary replied absent-mindedly, feeling bemused. How was it possible that she was going into labour so early? There had been no signs this would happen whatsoever. With Erin her stomach had hardened right before the birth, but when she curiously felt her belly now, it was still rather soft and bouncy. She was just giving another part of her stomach a poke when she realized Natalya was talking to her. "Sorry?'

"I said you need to stay as still as possible while I'm getting you a Potion. Whatever you do, do _not_ get out of bed, alright?"

Mary barely had time to nod before Natalya disapparated in a whirl of robes. She dropped her head back to the pillow and rubbed her eyes. Why did everything always have to get so difficult? She closed her eyes and was forced to listen to Roberto singing a Portuguese lullaby to a crying Erin. Apparently he had given up on "Twinkle", but Mary knew his off-key singing would never calm her daughter calm. She was already halfway out of bed when she remembered she was told not to. Right when she had repositioned herself slightly instead, Natalya reappeared. She was holding a flask of bubbly bright red coloured potion. "Drink this."

Mary obeyed immediately, not in the least place because her stomach had just started to constrict in a way that reminded her strongly of contractions. She hurriedly gulped the draft down. It was only after she swallowed it she realized it had tasted just like… "Coke."

Natalya looked up from examining her lower abdomen. "Excuse me?"

"This potion. It tastes just like coca-cola."

"What?"

"It's… It's this Muggle drink I used to like, never mind. But Natalya, how could this happen?"

Natalya sighed. "Unfortunately we don't always know. You have been through a lot, and long lasting stress could be a cause, but… We cannot be sure. However, if you continue to take this potion three times a day, we might be able to prolong the pregnancy with another few weeks." She looked over at Roberto, who had just reappeared in the doorway.

"Everything alright?" he asked.

"Unfortunately Mary's membranes have ruptured prematurely, but we caught it on time, so I think she'll be alright."

"And the baby?"

"The baby will be fine too, but Mary-" she turned back to shoot her a stern look, "this means you are on strict bedrest from now on. You may get up to go the bathroom and such, but that's it. No little tours to the main house or stables, alright?"

Mary, who had just started to calm down because the pain in her stomach was subsiding somewhat, looked up at her in shock. "What, why?"

"Because that's the only way we can prolong this pregnancy. Look at it this way, the longer that baby stays in, the better. And even though your baby probably will be born prematurely no matter what we do, it's a matter of: every day counts."

"But Erin? How in Merlin's name can I take care of her when I can't even get out of bed?"

"The others will gladly help you out. Fiona could clean the house and do the laundry and you know how much Jonathan adores to look after Erin. And Fabio-"

"-No," Mary suddenly heard herself say.

Natalya and Roberto exchanged a glance before she said: "Is something going on?"

"I… nothing. We're just keeping some distance, that's all."

"And what if he insists on helping you?"

"Then I would decline," Mary said resolutely and sighed when she noticed the puzzled looks on their faces. "Look, there's nothing going on between us. I just don't want to owe him anything."

"Alright, if that's what you want," Natalya said after a tense pause. "And if he just would like to visit you, should we tell him not to?"

Mary suddenly realized she was sounding like a heartless tart, but Natalya and Roberto weren't aware of what was really going on between her and Fabio. She forced a smile. "Of course I wouldn't mind that. Really, I wouldn't."

She wasn't sure if they believed her, but then Natalya gave up. She told Roberto to go home, saying she would follow shortly. Roberto nodded and made to leave, but not before telling Mary that by staying in bed, she would have a lot more time to work on his essays. Natalya turned back towards Mary as soon as he left the house. "Sometimes I wonder why I married that man," she sighed, rolling her eyes, before pulling her wand and pointing it at the bed. "Now let's clean those sheets, shall we?"

* * *

Staying in bed all the time proved to be even more tedious than Mary already feared. She'd always known she was someone who found it difficult to stay still for a long time, but to be unable to get out of bed when she wanted was driving her crazy after only a few days. She honestly had no idea how to survive the next month. Taking care of Erin alone proved to be impossible, which meant that Fiona and Jonathan (and if she was _really_ lucky, both of them at the same time) were around most of the time. And as much as Mary appreciated all their help, it did not make her feel any less bored or frustrated. But it wasn't like Jonathan did not do anything to change that. In fact, Mary soon learned he would try almost anything to cheer her up.

It was only the second week of Mary's "home arrest" when a whistling Jonathan was putting Erin back into her cot before he walked into her room and flopped down on the bed. "How're you doing?"

"How do you think?" she replied, shooting him a dark look over the edge of her book.

"Oooh, someone's cranky," he grinned before leaning over so that his lips were almost touching the blanket covering her bump. "I would stay in there as long as possible if I were you. With a mum as cranky as this, who knows what might happen. She might chuck you right into the ocean the first chance she gets!"

Mary jokingly pushed him back. "Stop that!"

He laughed. "Just checking. I know staying in bed all the time must be driving you nuts, so I thought of something that might… You know, take your mind off things for a bit."

"What are you talking about?"

Jonathan pulled a folded piece of parchment from the back pocket of his jeans and opened his mouth to say something, then closed it again. Mary arched a curious eyebrow at him. "What is it?"

"I wasn't sure at first if I should show you this…"

"Show me what?"

"It's a letter from someone."

"I can see that. Show me."

He hesitated again. "It's… Well, you better not tell Roberto or Natalya. Or Fabio!"

"Who's writing you?"

He looked at her. "Remus."

Mary's jaw dropped in shock. "What?"

Jonathan was about to explain where he got the letter when she suddenly realized exactly how dangerous this could be. "Oh Merlin! Why on earth would Remus write you? Does he know about us? Does he know _where_ I am? Are we-"

"Whoah! Relax before you go straight into labour again. And no, Remus doesn't have a clue about you. Or me, or this ranch in general."

"Then why would he write-"

"He didn't. I wrote him."

She stared at him, wondering where he was getting at. "But… Why?"

"Well," Jonathan frowned thoughtfully and leaned back on his elbows. "I've just been thinking about him for a while now. Trying to imagine what he's been through this past year. Black's betrayal, the deaths of James and Lily and all… Must have been rough. There's no one left, you see-"

"As if you need to remind me of that," Mary interrupted, rolling her eyes in annoyance.

"-And a few days ago I thought: what the heck, I'm gonna write him a polite owl to ask what happened after James, Lily and Peters deaths – _and_ yours – and what it's like to live in a post you-know-who England."

She was still shaking her head in disbelief. "But it doesn't make any sense, can't you see?! You, this guy annex girl-beating jerk who dated me for a short while in Hogwarts, write Remus a _casual_ note and expect him to pour out his heart to you? You used to exchange, what – like three words a year?"

"Well, he wrote back, now didn't he?" Jonathan, looking a little flustered, countered defiantly.

Mary rested her face in her hands and groaned. "Did you even think of the possible consequences? Remus is not a simpleton, Jonathan. What if he puts things together and figures it all out? And what about the assassin your father hired? Did you ever think of _that_?"

Jonathan looked worried for about a moment before his face brightened again. "They won't, Mary. Remus doesn't have a single clue I am living in Brazil."

"How can you be so sure about that?"

"Because I told him I currently reside in Eastern Africa."

When Mary did not respond immediately, he grinned confidently and elaborated. "Zanzibar, the tropical paradise of every man's dreams. A true party-island _and_ this year's number one-destination of the Quibbler to go hunting for the Crumple-Horned Snorkack."

"The Crumple-Horned what? Does that thing even exist?"

"Who cares! That's what Remus thinks I'm doing, anyway."

"But why Zanzibar?"

"Well, for one, the island on whole other continent and two, I know for a fact that it's another country where they use red cap cardinals for their mail. Honestly Mary, he'll never know."

Mary looked at him, her chin still resting in her hands. She noticed that some of her anger was fading away, even though she still thought that Jonathan was skating on thin ice. But there was something else stirring inside: curiosity. She realized she really wanted to know what was going on with Remus and how he had coped with everything. Would he have gone through the same hell as she had? He must have been. "So…" she started hesitantly after casually clearing her throat, "He wrote you back."

A satisfied smirk crossed Jonathan's face. "Oh, you're curious now, aren't you?"

She resisted the urge to throw a pillow at him. "Well," she said a little defensively, "since the damage is already done, I thought…"

"Relax, I still have every intention of showing you the note, but not a word to anyone, okay?"

He handed her the letter – the parchment felt heavy in her hands, as if it knew that it was a door to her past – and got up from the bed. "How about if I make us some tea?"

"Er sure," Mary said absent-mindedly, already unfolding the parchment and feeling a tug at her heart when she recognized Remus's handwriting.

_Jonathan,_

_Thank you for your letter. I appreciate the gesture, but must  
admit I was somewhat surprised getting this note, and not only  
because of its extravagant delivery bird._

_To answer your question: I am doing alright. The events of last  
October have shocked me beyond anything else and yes, there  
are days I wonder why I'm bothering to get up, but I know I  
must go on. That's what my friends would have wanted me to  
do, anyway._

_I must say I was a little offended when you stated that 'you always  
knew Sirius Black was bad news and Mary should have known  
better'. That is not true. Black fooled us all and as for Mary; she  
must have learned the awful truth only a moment before she and  
her daughter were killed. I cannot imagine a worse way to die,  
knowing that the man you loved sold you and your best friends to  
Voldemort._

_I wish you all the best and hope you will be successful in getting hold  
of the Crumple-Horned Snorkack, though I better remind you that what  
The Quibbler claims is not always the most trustworthy possibility._

_-Remus_

Mary did not know how long she had been staring at the letter in her hands, but she only looked up when tear drops were dripping on the parchment, turning some of the written words into an unreadable mess. She hastily wiped her eyes but was unable to get rid of the lump in her throat. This note _was_ a key to her past, a window to learn what was going on in her own country and with the people from her old life. And this note… Even from simply reading it Mary could see that Remus was lonely and clearly still suffering. He had stood up for her when Jonathan wrote that she had been stupid to trust Sirius. He defended her honour, but what if he learned one day that she and Erin had not died after all, that she had run away, would he still think the same?

Mary suddenly wished she could talk to Remus, now more than ever. She knew he was the only one who knew what she was going through right now. What _they_ both had been through. But then she realized that this conversation would never take place, because she was still stuck in Brazil, possibly for the rest of her life.

"Mary, are you alright?"

Jonathan was standing in the doorway, holding two goblets of steaming hot tea. He was looking at her, his brow furrowed. It was then that Mary realized that she had been crumpling Remus's letter. "Oh," she said, looking flustered while trying to straighten out the parchment. "I'm sorry, this was not my intention. I…"

"It's alright," he said, gently taking the letter from her hands and handing her a goblet of tea instead. "I already feared this would upset you. I shouldn't have let you read it."

"No! I'm glad you did. But it's just… I miss my old life."

The moment she spoke the words Mary felt how true they were and she blinked the rapidly upcoming tears away. As much as she had come to like her life on the ranch, it would never feel like home to her. Not while she could remember what she left behind.

Jonathan, however, looked sceptical. "You mean you miss Sirius."

"I do… But it's not just that. I miss everything about it, about _them_. The things we shared; we were such a close group of friends. And even though it was a horrible time to live in, I believe the war actually brought us closer."

"Until your so called fiancé showed his true colours."

Mary decided to ignore that last remark. "And this letter just shows how it must have been for Remus. He's the last one standing and has dealt with all of this on his own." She pointed at the parchment that Jonathan was still holding. "You can almost feel the bitterness in his writing."

He took a thoughtful sip. "How is that different from you?"

She shot him a surprised look. "What are you talking about? I've got you to talk to. And Fi, and Fabio… Remus has got no one."

"You don't know that. I find that Albus Dumbledore is a really good listener."

"But that's not the same as talking to a friend."

"Hmm," Jonathan shrugged. "If you say so. Now you better finish your tea, it's time to rest."

Mary sighed, looking anything but forward to another few hours of undisturbed sleep, but obediently drank her tea before handing back the goblet. Jonathan was already halfway the corridor when she remembered something and called him back. "Are you going to write Remus another letter?"

He leaned against the door post. "I thought about it. Then again, if he's really that depressed as you say he is, what in Merlin's name could I ever say to cheer him up?"

Mary grinned. "You could always photograph yourself holding the horn of the numerous Crumple-Horned Snorkack."

Jonathan laughed. "Maybe, but I was thinking more along the lines of me hanging out on the beach, enjoying a mojito in one of those hammocks."

"The beach?"

He shrugged. "Beach of Brazil, beach of Zanzibar… All looks the same, doesn't it? And you never know. Maybe it'll inspire that poor old chap to take a holiday. Merlin knows he deserves one," he added as an afterthought before closing the door, leaving Mary alone with her thoughts.

* * *

One week later Mary felt like she had enough of her life. She was almost looking forward to the delivery, because that would be the end of her verdict: longterm bedrest with few exceptions and with that: utter boredom. She read practically all the books on the ranch and had become fairly decent in speaking and understanding Portuguese. She had even started to teach Erin some little words, although she made sure not to forget that English should always be her daughter's first language, no matter what.

On the early night of June 9th, Mary was feeling strangely nervous, like something exciting was about to happen. She had the feeling this would be _the_ night to give birth to her baby. Admittedly, she had been feeling like this for three nights in a row now with absolutely nothing happening in the end. But there was something about tonight… Fiona, who was staying over that night, had just finished cleaning up the kitchen when she returned to the bedroom with two goblets, one water (for Mary), one wine (for Fiona).

Fiona had been telling Mary everything about her troubled love life for the last three hours. And it didn't look like she would come to an end anytime soon. Listening to this rambling Fiona had almost become as tedious as attentively trying to follow a History of Magic-class with Professor Binns, only with saucier details. Mary was only half-listening to Fi's funny anecdote on going out with some hairy guy when she suddenly sat up straight. "Fi…"

"And then I took off his shirt, and you know what I saw? A back full of-"

"Fi!"

Fiona looked at her in shock. Her eyes shot from Mary's frightened face to her stomach and back before realization dawned on her face. "Oh Merlin… It's happening, isn't it?"

"I… I don't know. Maybe it is, you better get Natalya. It could be false alarm like last time, though."

But it wasn't. The moment Natalya had arrived and taken a look, she confirmed that this was "the real deal." What followed was perhaps the longest night in Mary's life. Hours and hours of contractions and nothing they could do but wait and ride it out. Natalya, calm as ever, had sat down on a chair near the bed and was doing some knitting. Fiona on the other hand seemed even more nervous than Mary and had been pacing up and down the room for hours.

As for the baby: as eager it had been to be born very prematurely, it seemed in no hurry to come out now. When there was another longlasting and powerful contraction, Mary groaned and buried her face in the pillow. This was sheer agony and, contrary to last time when Sirius had been by her side every step of the way, she was all alone. When the contraction had finally come to an end, Fiona crouched down next to the bed. "You know," she said cautiously while putting her hand on Mary's sweaty arm, "the others are waiting outside, wondering if they can help. You don't have to go through this alone, Mary. I could get Fabio…"

"N-no," she panted, thinking she could not betray Sirius in a worse way than letting Fabio hold her hand while giving birth to his second child. "I… must… do this on… my own," she added through gritted teeth.

"Okay," Fi nodded and got back to her feet. "If you're really sure that's what you want. I'd better go tell him, then."

She quietly left the room at the same time Mary put her hands to her head and Natalya put down her knitwear. She walked over to the bed to have another look. "Alright then," she said, giving Mary a calm and confident smile over her knees. "Ten centimetres, you're ready to start pushing. Let's give this baby a swift and warm welcome to this world, shall we?"

* * *

It took them another while, but at last, at 9.12 in the morning, Mary finally became a proud mother of her second child, a completely healthy-looking baby boy. It was love at first sight. She simply could not stop staring at the little creature resting on her chest, thinking he must be the absolute cutest boy she had ever seen. She already had the most beautiful daughter, and now she also had the most beautiful son. The baby seemed to have inherited more of her features than Sirius's, but Mary knew that could change eventually. She sighed when her thoughts momentarily shifted to Sirius; he now also had a son and he didn't even know. And this boy would never know his father either. That realization made her sad, but she realized that her children wouldn't know better. She was the only one who would have to live with that thought.

Mary did not have much time to dwell on that, because soon her friends were walking inside to admire the newest inhabitant of the ranch. Mary's eyes were immediately drawn to a big-eyed Fiona (who had been inside the room for the most part of the birth), who was telling a beaming Jonathan that "I am soooo not ever going to give birth", and Fabio, carrying Erin and heading over towards her. She stretched her arms out to her mother while cooing "Mama, mama!" and Mary could feel a tear trickle down her cheek. "Erin," she whispered emotionally.

"Look," Fabio said softly as he put Erin down on the bed next to Mary. "That's your little brother."

Mary gently released her right hand from the baby's clutch and pulled Erin towards her to give the girl a kiss. "Hi there, sweetie."

They watched how Erin shot a curious look at the baby before losing interest and crawling up close to her mother instead. "So…" Fabio said eventually. "You didn't want me here during…"

"No," Mary replied earnestly. "That just would have been too weird. I hope you understand."

"Of course," he nodded. "It was Fi's idea anyway, not mine."

She shook her head, smiling. "Why am I not surprised?"

Fabio smiled back briefly and looked at the baby. "He's beautiful. And still nameless, I presume?"

"Um yeah, but I think I already know..."

"Fabio Giraldo II?" he suggested, his brown eyes twinkling.

"Ha ha, as if! But I've done some thinking these past few weeks. I mean, what else could I do? But of all the boy names I've thought of, this one kept coming back."

"And what name might that be?"

"Fabio," Mary said solemnly, "meet Oliver Remus Woods."

**- End of Update -  
**  
_Song from the title: Lightning crashes by Live  
_  
**A/N**: Oliver is _not_ Oliver Wood from the HP-series. With Mary's surname it's making it even more confusing, but as you all know: Oliver from the books is older than Harry and this Oliver is two years younger. That doesn't mean I'm not wishing I would have named him differently in that one-shot I wrote earlier, even though I still like the name Oliver for Sirius's son… Oh well, bear with me on this one, please!


	14. Thirteen: Spiralling

**Author's Note:** Next uppie. Hope you guys enjoy the chapter. I notice some people are getting a little impatient about when Sirius will return. Well, the update where he reaches Brazil is chapter Nineteen, so you don't need to be a genius to figure out we still have five more chapters to go…

**Dedication**: JJ-000JJ, because her comments always make me laugh.

**Disclaimer**: Sadly still nothing, but my lawyers are working on that, haha.

**Thirteen: Spiralling ***

"So are you coming to the party tomorrow night?"

Mary turned back on her horse to shoot Fiona, riding behind her, a curious look. "Party?" she asked curiously. "What kind of party?"

"Well, you know," Fiona replied while making her horse, a Paint mare called Rosa, go a little faster. At the same time Mary held back her own horse Augusto, so that when Fiona finally caught up with her she could say: "The party Roberto organizes every October to celebrate the start of the new season. To reward us for guiding the big herds to other grasslands in safety, for succeeding in preparing the new herbs on the fields…"

"But I thought that's just the annual small get-together on the porch of Roberto and Natalya's house."

"Not once in every five years it's not! This year the party will be _huge_. Roberto invites all the important clients and other contacts from abroad and uses the night to network with them. And usually _everyone_ who's anyone RVSP's! Last time I saw people from all over the world: the States, China, Japan, France, Iceland, Chile, Holland, Marocco, Italy, India, Sweden, Great Britain…"

Mary jerked her head up in shock. "Did you just say Britain?"

Fiona looked genuinely surprised. "Of course! You of all people should know the London hospital St. Mungo's. I thought you said you used to work there?"

Mary stared at Fiona, wondering (not for the first time) how dim Fiona was. Her blonde friend was not the brightest of witches, she'd known that for years, but surely she must be kidding now. When Fiona continued to stare back blankly, however, Mary decided that she was not. "My Godric, _St. Mungo's_, Fiona! Do you know how disastrous this could be! I remember my boss went on trips like this all the time. If bloody Pierce comes to Brazil, I may as well give up everything and emigrate to the South Pole."

"Well, he didn't come last time, or I would have known. I was in charge of the guestbook and I did not see anyone called Bloody Pierce in there."

Mary was starting to lose her patience. "Not "Bloody Pierce": _Gregory_ Pierce, who's in charge of the Spell Damage Department! I was only… Urrgh, never mind."

"Well, either way," Fiona shrugged. "I'm pretty sure Roberto knows what he's doing, but if you have any doubts you should ask him."

"Hmmm."

"Speaking of Roberto," she continued, frowning slightly. "Isn't that him?"

She was pointing towards a dark man on a brown horse, who was waving frantically and bellowing something while approaching them fast.

"Yes," Fiona called merrily, waving back. "We can see you!"

But it became clear soon enough that Roberto was not just heading towards them to say hello. "Pay attention! The herd is bloody falling apart under your very noses!" he shouted again as soon as he was in earshot.

Mary turned around in alarm, trying to see what Roberto was referring to. And sure enough, she soon spotted four cows and one calf who had drifted off from the rest of the herd and were grazing under a small group of trees. She turned back to Fiona. "We have to drive them back."

Fiona nodded at the same time they heard Roberto shouting even louder: "Go bloody get them back, I don't care how you do it: MAKE IT HAPPEN!"

The girls exchanged a final significant glance before both turning their horses around. They were about to set off down the hill, when Fabio – who was keeping an eye in the back but had galloped up towards them to see what all the fuss was about – appeared on the top of a nearby hill. "I'll get them," he called matter-of-factly before whistling briefly. His dog, the young border collie Laika, barked happily and stormed down the hill towards the stray cows. Fabio slightly straightened his hat before turning his horse with one hand and effortlessly galloping down the slope himself.

Fiona leaned back in her saddle, looking satisfied. "If it wasn't for Fabio always saving the day…"

Mary didn't reply immediately, but continued to watch how Fabio and Laika were effectively bringing the group of cows round below in silence. "Yeah," she said after another pause when they had started to drive the group back to the top of the hill. "That would have taken us hours."

Her friend sniggered appreciatively. "At the very least." She spurred Rosa on. "You coming?"

"No," Mary replied absent-mindedly. "You go ahead to keep an eye on the mid-section. I'll stay here and watch the back until Fabio has returned."

"Alright, see you later!"

Mary merely gave a small wave in return, her thoughts already drifting to her relationship with Fabio and what had happened with them in the last few years. In short: not much. Even though they both knew they liked each other, somehow nothing had ever happened. Which for the most part, she was to blame for. Fabio had taken her out to dinner a few times a year back and for the first time, Mary actually thought she was ready to move on with another man. But then one night, while they were walking down the beach and Fabio tried to wrap an arm around her shoulders, she simply backed away from his grasp. She could not explain why, but being hugged by him felt wrong and all she could think about was Sirius. Fabio seemed a little embarrassed about it at first, but recovered rather quickly, although he did not try anything again.

_Ever_. Which meant that on the next "date", they were merely chatting and laughing like old friends, even though the tension between them was more than tangible. It resulted in Mary feeling even more confused about Fabio, half-wishing he would embrace her again, but too scared to try anything herself since she did not know how she would respond to that kind of physical contact this time. So nothing happened in the end.

After that final disastrous date they soon stopped going out. Not that much later Roberto put the two of them on a project to develop a new method on training young horses and selling them afterwards. While they were working on that, they got to know each other even better as friends and silently decided to leave it like that. At first Mary thought she was fine with that. After all, some things do happen – and some things don't. A passionate relationship obviously just was not meant to be. Except somewhere deep down, in her heart… She still believed it was.

But "ending" things with Fabio did mean Mary now had time to - besides taking care of both Erin and Oliver, which was often no less than exhausting – date other people. And she soon found out that was a lot easier when there were not real feelings involved. Not that Mary had turned into a female Sirius; so far there had only been two other men in her life. There was that Muggle investment banker Raul who she dated for a while. Or well, dated: they only saw each other when they wanted to (for obvious reasons). It was the first man Mary had slept with after Sirius and remarkably enough, it was only convenient that she was not emotionally attached to him. They had a nice time, but after only three months Raul had to move to Brasilia for his job and that was the end of it. Mary was not particularly sad about it either.

Then there was Bjørn, a Norwegian tourist (with the bluest eyes she had ever seen) who was backpacking through Brazil and ended up in Arraial d'Ajuda one day. Originally he planned to only stay for a few days, but then he met Mary, and decided to stay a little longer. He was a wizard (specialized in trading antique magical artefacts), and although Mary never took him back to her house on the ranch, she decided to modify any memory of her anyway, just to be on the safe side. Fabio watched all of this silently, and although he never said anything bad about it, Mary could swear that every now and then, she could spot a flicker of hurt in his eyes. Which had made her spirits rise just the teeniest bit. In fact, Mary was fairly sure that-

"A Sickle for your thoughts."

Fabio had just halted his horse right beside her. Augusto immediately responded by jerking up its head and trying kick his new neighbour, at which Ceaser stroke back by trying to bite Augusto if it weren't for Fabio to pull back its head right on time. "Easy," he said in a warning voice while Mary still struggled at keeping Augusto under control. "There now," Fabio continued when he had succeeded in calming Ceasar down. "When will these two ever get along?" he wondered aloud.

"When hell freezes over?" Mary replied, failing to restrain her horse from jumping aside, right into a shallow stream. Augusto, still not the biggest fan of water, whinnied in shock and bolted forward unexpectedly so that Mary was launched out of her saddle, flew straight over the horse's head and landed into the stream with a loud splash.

Mary resurfaced soon enough, spluttering as she tried to shake a water plant from her hair. Augusto was jumping out of the water and seemed very keen on galloping off towards the stables, but Fabio managed to catch his reign on time. Meanwhile, Mary tried to regain her composure as she bent down to grab her hat and put it back on her head. She then stepped onto dry land and walked back to the horses, still without saying a word. But she did no longer have a choice when she took Augusto's reign from Fabio and looked into his twinkling eyes, although he had the sense to keep a straight face.

"Don't you dare laugh," Mary growled as she put her foot in the stirrup and swung her other leg over Augusto's back.

"I can't see why I should," he replied sincerely. "You fell down very gracefully. Very… lady-like."

She glowered at him from under her hat and noticed that the corners of his mouth were twitching. Soon she realized she could not keep a straight face either and then they were just laughing hysterically. "Oh-oh," Mary panted, putting a hand to her stomach as she gasped for air. Fabio was bending forward with his hands on his knees, barking with laughter, but then he suddenly stopped when he seemed to spot something, because his eyebrows were raising in alarm.

"What?" Mary asked suspiciously, still giggling.

"Hang on," he said, reaching for his wand. "I think you've got something on your hat there. _Accio_."

A small animal zoomed straight into his hand. When he showed her, Mary noticed it was a small frog and she stared at it, agog. "Would you like me to transfigure it into a prince?" Fabio asked, arching an amused eyebrow at her.

Mary pretended to huff and stuck her nose in the air. "I already have my prince," she said haughtily.

"Oh really? And who might that be… this time?" he added and Mary was almost sure she could detect a hint of jealousy in his voice.

She smirked and bent forward so she could wrap both her arms around Augusto's neck and rest her head on his manes. "Gus is my one true prince."

"Ah," Fabio grinned and nodded in understanding. Was that a hint of relief in his voice? "Well," he said confidently after another pause in which Augusto snorted contently – completely at ease with the unexpected extra body weight resting on his neck – and Mary had closed her eyes for a moment, "I realize I don't stand a chance once Gus here decides to take you to a ball, but I was wondering – Do you want to go to tomorrow's party with me?"

She opened one eye. "Seriously?"

He shrugged and affectionately patted Ceasar's neck. "Yeah. We could hang out together, as friends of course… See all those important figures from different nations… Watch Roberto making ten new deals in one night… It should be fun. Oh, and did you know the Japanese always bring their karaoke-set along? You wouldn't want to miss Jonathan and Sayid's rendition of the Dire Straits' "Walk of Life"."

Mary got up straight, suddenly feeling rather nervous. The casual flirting with Raul and Bjørn never made her feel this way. And she wasn't sure if that was such a good sign. The last time she felt this way with Fabio she had tried to avoid being hugged by him at all cost. But on the other hand, she _did_ still like him. And didn't he just say they were going as friends? Maybe she wouldn't have to make a decision about Fabio that soon. It should be fine. "Sure," she said, smiling. "I'd like that."

* * *

The next day, Mary decided to have dinner in her own cabin. This way she had more time to get ready for the party. Roberto had just reassured her that Pierce was not coming; St. Mungo's was sending two other representatives, both wizards who had started working at the hospital _after_ Mary left. So she would not have to fear running into any inconvenient acquaintances.

Since tonight's party was an official ball, Mary was supposed to wear dress robes, something she hadn't worn since James and Lily's wedding. Not that she had access to that dress now, or even wanted to wear it again. That would bring back way too many memories… Instead she tried to find a new dress and managed to do just that earlier that day. It was hanging on the bathroom door just now, ready for her to wear, looking all beautiful on its coat hanger. It was a pink chiffon dress that made her feel like a moviestar. And with the strappy sandals to go with it, she should be fine.

Mary was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she forgot about the chicken she was frying, resulting in a burning smell spreading through the kitchen until it reached her own _and_ her offspring's nostrils, who started to yell in protest at once. "Crap!" Mary muttered before using her wand to undo most of the damage on the chicken. "Sorry, mummy is fixing it already, don't worry!"

She quickly turned off the hob, divided the chicken, salad and bread over three plates and levitated them over to the kitchen table, where Erin was drawing a picture with coloured crayons and Oliver was frantically trying to get hold of a miniature broomstick that kept flying away every time he tried to grab it, a gift from Fabio. "Alright now," Mary said after she put down the food in front of them. "Time to eat."

She acciod Oliver's little broomstick (he watched her do it with big eyes, obviously wondering how she could make the broomstick fly towards her) and was about to put Erin's drawing and crayons on the sink when her daughter started to protest loudly. "I want to finish it _now_."

"Not while we're eating, sweetie," she said dismissively.

Erin pulled a face and stubbornly crossed her arms, clearly unwilling to eat anything at all. Mary, who had just finished cutting Oliver's chicken and salad in small bites so he could eat it himself, sighed. "Erin, you better eat that before it gets cold."

"I'm not hungry."

"Even so, you have to eat. This is your dinner, you won't get anything else tonight."

"I don't care," Erin pouted.

Mary swallowed a bite of chicken, put down her cutlery and shot a stern look at her daughter. "This is the last time I'm telling you nicely, young lady. If you don't eat the food here, you can go to your room and eat it there. Nevertheless, I would not want to see you again before you've finished the meal. Your choice."

She managed the sternest mother-look she could muster. The little girl glared back defiantly and for a moment, it felt like Sirius was staring back at her, but then Erin gave in and sulkily started to eat her chicken. Mary decided to not pay anymore attention to the matter and focused on feeding Oliver instead, who had managed to cast more food over and around him than in his mouth.

After dinner, when Mary had cleaned up the kitchen and taken Oliver to bed, she quickly changed into her dress and strappy shoes. She put a little bit of make up on and considered putting it her hair, then decided she didn't want to and just kneaded some curls into it instead. When she returned to the kitchen, Erin had gone back to her colouring. Mary looked at her daughter for a moment from the doorway. She couldn't help but smile. Erin's legs were still too short to reach the floor and she swung her feet back and forth while she was working on the drawing in upper concentration, the tip of her tongue on her lips. "What are you working on?" Mary asked as she walked inside the room.

"A creature," Erin replied solemnly. "Miss Magda told us to."

"Miss Magda" was Erin's teacher at elementary school. A German woman so old Mary suspected she could be Dumbledore's mother, but she knew a lot about teaching children from different countries. "What kind of creature are you drawing?" she asked, sitting down next to Erin and looking down at the drawing.

"Hipogrifo."

"A Hippogriff?" Mary translated in surprise.

"Miss Magda said we should draw an animal from our native land."

"But why a Hippogriff?"

Erin looked up at her. "We looked in a book. I chose this one because I saw it before."

Mary frowned, wondering where in Merlin's name Erin could have seen one. She never did, at least not on this ranch. The only one here who was strong enough to take care of Hippogriffs and Aethonons was Jolene's successor Butch, and he hardly ever came down to the main house. "Okay," she smiled, "And where did you see a Hippogriff before?"

"When I sleep."

Mary's smile faltered rather quickly. "What?"

Erin shrugged. "I keep seeing this large bird-horsey thing when I'm sleeping."

"And you're sure you haven't seen this "bird-horsey thing" anywhere else?"

Her daughter shook her head. "I just knew it was large and grey, until I saw it in the book."

Mary looked at her daughter, worrying if this meant something. But then, it was not _im_possible Erin had seen one of Butch's Hippogriffs one time. Mary had no idea what else this could possibly mean, so she decided this was just her daughter's vivid imagination and smiled. "Well, I think it's a beautiful drawing."

She gently ruffled Erin's hair while her daughter kept on drawing until the girl suddenly dropped her crayon and looked up. "Mummy, I'm sorry."

Mary instantly knew she was referring to what happened earlier at dinner and shrugged. "That's alright now." She held out her arms so that Erin could climb onto her lap, which she did at once.

They just sat there for a moment, with Mary stroking her head while Erin's right hand had already found a lock of her hair. Then Mary repeatedly kissed the girl's head. "I love you." Another kiss. "Very much."

"Luvyutoo," Erin mumbled back, her voice slightly muffled against Mary's neck.

"Hey, you know Leda's coming over to watch you tonight?"

She could feel Erin nod in her embrace. "I bet that if you ask nicely, she will read "The Fountain of Fair Fortune" to you again when you go to bed."

Mary had recently discovered "The Tales of the Beetle Bard", an ancient book full of wizard fairytales she had never heard of, even though she could somehow remember Sirius and James arguing over what was the most popular tale: "The Warlock's Hairy Heart" or "Babbity, Rabbity and her Cackling Stump". Erin's personal favourite, however, was "The Fountain of Fair Fortune", which she could not hear enough. And sure enough, the prospect of this particular fairytale being read again cheered her up immensely. "Really?"

Right at that moment there was a knock on the door. "That'll be her," Mary said. "Shall we go and ask her?"

They walked to the door hand in hand. Leda (Francesco's fourteen-year-old daughter who regularly babysitted Erin and Oliver for Mary when Natalya was not available) smiled and waved merrily when they opened the door. "Hi there, Erin!"

"Will you read the tale again?" the girl asked eagerly, not even wasting time on saying hello.

Mary and Leda exchanged an amused look, and then the teenager shot Erin a mock-stern look. "Only if you promise to go to sleep afterwards."

They walked back inside and Mary put Erin down on the couch with her drawing and crayons before walking to the kitchen, where Leda was pouring herself a goblet of pumpkin juice. "I think it's just so funny that you're the only one who drinks this stuff, but I like it."

"It reminds me of home," Mary shrugged. "Anyway, Oliver is already asleep. As for me: I expect to be back around midnight. Do you want to go home afterwards?"

"Nah. It's a thirty minute walk back home, so I'd rather stay the night, if that's okay with you."

"Sure," she replied, right when there was another knock on the door. "Right, that's for me. I'd better go."

"Enjoy yourself," Leda grinned.

Mary laughed. "I think I'll manage." She walked back into the living room. "You be a good girl," she told Erin softly before kissing her goodbye.

* * *

When Mary closed the front door behind her and turned around, she noticed Fabio was standing at the bottom of the porch. She shot him an amused look and he grinned. "It's this new thing I'm trying. Knocking on doors from a little distance."

"Oh, really?"

"Hm-mm. I even invented a spell for it."

She snorted. "That must be the most useless spell I've ever heard of."

He grinned. "Probably yes, but enough of that. I mean: wow."

"Wait until you've seen the back." Mary slowly turned around and cast Fabio a daring look over her shoulder, who gave a low whistle in return. "Not bad."

She smiled confidently and turned back to walk down the stars of the porch. "You don't look ugly yourself."

"Ah," he nodded. "Like that means anything in comparison to you."

Mary laughed and hooked her arm through his, feeling this was all just a game and she could be shamelessly flirtatious without consequences. And for a long time that night, it was. She and Fabio had a lot of fun by criticising the dress robes of the other guests - that Arabian with the camel-shaped sultan (with sound and all!) was the absolute highlight of the evening – and Mary danced with so many men she had lost count.

For the first part of the evening, Roberto had hired a famous Brazilian witch called "Mona jovial e seu mandoline inseparável", which meant so much as: "Jolly Mona and her inseparable mandolin". Mary was rather sceptical at first, but jolly Mona turned out a lot more entertaining than she thought. And Fabio was right about the karaoke system. The Japanese wizards sang most of the (Muggle) songs, but Jonathan came in second with at least ten songs (and counting), including his "Walk of Life"-duet with Sayid. He was currently bellowing a particularly off-key version of Minnie Ripperton's "Loving You" while Mary was dancing with Rocco, a bartender from one of the bars down the beach.

"Merlin's Beard, could that guy be even louder?"

"Who, Jonathan?" Mary said, looking back over her shoulder to where her friend was just taking a deep breath before trying to hit that famous high note.

"Even a crow would do a better job," he muttered darkly.

"Oh, I know him. Ten to one he's messing up this song as best as he can."

_"La la la la, la la la la, la la la laaa la la la, doodoodoodoodoo…"_

"For Merlin's sake," Rocco growled through gritted teeth. "One more note from that guy and I'll transfigure him into a Pixie."

She laughed while her eyes flicked to where Fabio was swaying Sophia, a new girl on the ranch who came from the village, around the floor. "Relax. The song is already over."

"About time," he said grimly, but when the next song started (Berlin's "Take My Breath Away") he suddenly pulled her even closer towards him. "Much better," he sighed contently, gently guiding her towards the very end of the dance floor.

"Err… yes," Mary said, unsure if she was supposed to like dancing so close to him.

"We should hang out more often," Rocco continued, his hand slipping dangerously low down her back.

She stiffened slightly. "I don't know about that."

He chuckled. "Oh, but I think we should. Raul told me you were pretty nice company."

"I was to him, but that doesn't mean I will be to anyone."

Rocco laughed. "Relax little girl, I was only kidding."

Mary slightly narrowed her eyes at him before concluding that he really was joking. She rolled her eyes at him. "Yeah well, just so that we're clear," she muttered darkly.

"Very clear, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to try and kiss you tonight."

"Sure you are," she joked, knowing Rocco was aware of the fact that she did not like him in that way.

"Yes, and I maybe even-"

"You "maybe even" nothing," an annoyed voice suddenly sounded behind them.

They turned around in surprise. "Fabio!" Rocco called. "How's it going, old chap? I haven't talked to you all night."

"No," Fabio replied, his eyes fixed on Mary, who looked back at him frowning. "And I can see why."

Rocco, realizing what was going on, quickly let go of her and stepped aside. "Sorry mate, I did not know she was already taken."

"I am not," Mary spoke up.

"If you will excuse us," Fabio said to Rocco, ignoring what Mary had said, although he did grab her by the arm and pulled her along, off the dance floor and all the way down to the ocean. He ignored her protesting cries and did not stop until they had reached the beach. There he finally let go without looking at her, and Mary rubbed her arm as she continued to stare at him. No one spoke for a moment until she could not stand the tense silence any longer. "What was that about?"

He still refused to look at her. He had put his hands in his pockets and was staring at the waves. "What do you mean? I just saved you from that insufferable git Rocco."

"Actually, I quite enjoyed talking to him. He's a great dancer."

Fabio made a derisive sound with his nose. "Yes, aside from the fact that he's sleeping with anything wearing a skirt, I believe you could say he has some dance moves."

"I beg your pardon? Who said anything about sex? I was just walzing with the man."

"Even though you came to the ball with _me_."

"As friends!"

Again that derisive sound. Mary frowned and crossed her arms. "Do we need to talk about this?"

Fabio finally turned around and she instinctively took a step backwards when she saw his face. It was full of annoyance, jealousy and anger, but there was also a note hurt in his eyes. He just stood there, staring at her while shaking his head like he could not believe this was happening to him. Finally, right when Mary had started to wonder if he would ever speak again, he opened his mouth. "Do we?"

"Well, I don't get what this is all about, so..."

"I don't like it when you dance with other men."

Mary arched an eyebrow at him. "Apparently."

"Not when you're supposed to hang out with me."

"Well, you could have just said so!"

Fabio ran his hands through his hair in an frustrated manner and groaned. "You are SO missing the point here."

"Point?" she asked, shooting him a puzzled look.

"What are we doing, Mary? Are we back there? Are we really going down _that_ road again? Because I don't want to."

"What are you-"

"DON'T act like you don't know what is going on!" he bellowed. "How much longer are we going to pretend what's written on our foreheads with felt-tip?"

"It's been there for months, years even," he said, pacing up and down the path. "I've tried to ignore it, work my way around it, even watched you run into the sunset with that Viking. And yet it's _still_ there. I know you feel the same, so…" He ran another trembling hand through his messy hair. "When was it that you came to Brazil again?"

"Er… Four years ago?"

He paused and dropped his arms in sudden defeat. "Four bloody years of hoping and wishing that one day you will make up your mind…" He looked at her. "How can I make you see? Four years… I'm kind of running out of ideas here, so I'm just going to ask you this as bluntly as I possibly can: do you have feelings for me?"

There was a deafening silence in which they could only hear the waves of the shoreline crashing down on the beach and, faintly, the music and chatter of Roberto's party. Mary couldn't quite speak. Never in a million years had she expected Fabio to ask her so directly. And the problem was that she didn't even know the answer yet. "I… That's a really weird thing to ask."

"It might be, but being this straightforward seems to be the only thing that works with you. So do you?"

She stared at him. "I… I just don't know."

He stared back at her. "You don't know."

"Sorry," she whispered.

Fabio thought for a moment and at first, Mary thought he was going to kick a palm tree, but then he looked back and finally seemed to have made up his mind. "Well, let me figure out something for you, then."

He took three large steps until he was standing right before her and before Mary could as much think of what would happen next, he was kissing her passionately. She was paralyzed with shock at first, but then, when she noticed that Fabio enveloping her in his arms was making her feel more safe than Raul of Bjørn ever could, she finally gave in to what her heart had wanted her to do all along. This was a good man, a great man even; someone who would never hurt her, someone who she could spend her life with. But then, with no warning at all, the face of Sirius suddenly flashed before her eyes. Mary froze, terrified, and then pulled away. Fabio's arms were still around her waist. "What?" he asked softly.

Mary was still trying to fight off the image of Sirius's memory from her mind. "I'm sorry," she said as she stepped back, away from Fabio. "I can't."

"But, this was… You felt it too!"

She barely had the courage to look into his eyes. "It's too soon."

The warmth in his eyes disappeared in only a few seconds. "What?"

Mary put her face in her hands. "I just… can't."

When she looked back up at him, he was staring at her, his eyes full of disbelief. "No."

"I'm sorry, Fabio."

"No," he repeated, "not this again. Why?"

She tiredly rubbed her eyes. "Didn't I just say-"

"Oh, I heard you. I just can't quite believe the words coming out of your mouth."

Mary realized he was not just shocked or sad, but angry. Worse than that: he looked simply murderous. "I can't believe this, believe you!"

"Please just forget this ever happened."

"No, I'm no longer going to pretend, Mary. We both know what just happened and how we felt before you once again decided you can't handle this. And I don't know what it is, some kind of misplaced guilt that prevents you from ever feeling happy again. And I don't get it."

"Well," Mary countered, starting to feel angry as well, "Maybe you never felt how I used to. With _him_. That's not something you simply switch off. I can't help it that I still love Sirius!"

He made a scornful sound. "You don't love Sirius, Mary. You love the _memory_ of him. Whatever that man meant to you, he's no longer who you think he is. Look at you… You're even still wearing his engagement ring."

She looked down at her hand with the familiar sparkly ring. "It is my choice to wear it whenever I want."

"As long as you remember that your other half has long forgotten about it," Fabio said before he turned around and started to walk back to the party.

"We're not finished here!" Mary called after him. "Where do you think you're going?"

He turned back and laughed mirthlessly. "Anywhere but being near to you."

"You can't just leave me behind like this," she snapped as she tried to catch up with him, but this was no easy feat with those high heels. "Not now!"

Fabio suddenly turned back and stalked back until he was standing right before her. "Do I really need to remind you that it is because of you that I'm leaving? Quite frankly I cannot even look at you right now."

"Why are you saying these things to me?"

His eyes were glinting with anger and indignation. "Because it's _you_ who is letting this fall apart, it's _you_ who is making me feel this way, and it's _you_ who is turning her back on what could be a perfect relationship."

"Fabio, please-"

"No," he suddenly interrupted coolly, "I'm done. No more, I've had it. I'm done."

And with that he turned around to stalk off without looking back, leaving Mary alone on that deserted beach. Once again she was feeling more lonely than she could ever have imagined, but this time she realized that she only had herself to blame for that. Fabio was gone, and for some reason Mary knew she had just lost him for good.

- End of Update -

*** Song from the title: Spiralling by Keane**


	15. Fourteen: Suspicious Minds

**Author's Note:** Not much to add to this chapter. I hope you guys enjoy, that's all.

**Dedication: **To weasley-that-never-was. Maybe you'll like this one better. If not, then at least you still have a dedication in the pocket, haha!

**Disclaimer:** I haven't talked to my lawyer in days. Soon, though…

**Fourteen: Suspicious Minds ***

For about a week Mary thought things would be fine. She knew Fabio was angry with her and had given him several days to cool off, but she still believed he would come around in the end. Which he did, sort of. Because although Mary expected that he would like to continue their relationship – friends with benefits (or at least romantic potential) – the way it had been eventually, this did not turn out to be true.

Fabio was still kind and charming as ever (especially when Erin and Oliver were involved), but remained fairly distant. They still worked together in the stables, but he tried to avoid being alone with her in one room at all cost. In the rare moments they _were_ alone, Mary repeatedly tried to talk about what happened at Roberto's party, but Fabio was not interested in her explanation on why she still wasn't ready to move on from Sirius. And in the end, she decided to give up for now, thinking he just needed more time to get over this latest emotional blow.

But after another month it became clear that Fabio not just wanted to listen to her explain, but had lost interest in Mary altogether. She would long remember the evening she was coming home from another long day at the Alcaravia Hospital when an excited Fiona (who else?) told her that Fabio was in love with Sophia. Sophia, the 28 year-old longhaired and doe-eyed girl from the village, who was apparently brilliant at brewing the most complicated potions.

However surprising, this big news did not immediately shock Mary; it merely amazed her. It was only later, when the finality of the message was starting to sink in, that she realized Fabio had not been exaggerating when he said he "was really done" with her. The weird thing was that she did not even care all that much at first. In fact, Mary was relieved that the possibility of ever getting romantically involved with Fabio was now buried and forgotten for good. It gave her the chance to fully focus on raising her children and making a life for them on the ranch instead. And if this meant she would have to muse on memories of happier times she had with Sirius forever, then so be it. At least her life would be a lot less confusing.

It was only when Mary had to witness how happy Fabio actually was with Sophia that it started to bug her. From the way Sophia made him taste her homemade guava jam in the kitchen and chased him around the beach to the way he taught her to ride a horse: it was making Mary sick to her stomach. At first she thought she just had to get used to the annoying sight of Fabio being close to another woman, but when her feelings had not changed at all over the next four months, she reasoned the problem had to be Sophia instead.

She could not quite explain it, but there was something about this woman that wasn't right. Everyone else on the ranch (including Roberto, which was remarkable in itself) adored her, but Mary had a really bad feeling about her. Call it a woman's intuition, but she just knew that Sophia was not to be trusted. She was always snooping around in places where she had no right to be, but of course no one else on the ranch seemed agreed with her. Even Jonathan, who Mary had come to consider as her best friend over the years, thought she was insane to give Sophia such a hard time.

"Honestly Mary," he said laughing on a rare rainy day when they were taking Mary and Oliver out for a walk, "when are you going to give this mud-slinging a rest? Sophia is not my most favourite person on the ranch either, but she's here to stay, so you better get used to it."

"Hmmpf," Mary huffed before calling out to Erin, who was running through a lavender field with Oliver hot on her heels: "Don't go too far, honey! Stay right where we can see you. Anyway," she continued moodily after Erin had given a little wave and was frolicking on happily, "I know how it looks, I do."

"Do you?" Jonathan countered, arching an eyebrow.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Girl, in case you hadn't noticed, there's this enormous sign hoovering over your head, screaming 'Attention! Jealous and vindictive ex-girlfriend coming at you!'."

She burst out laughing. "That is not how I feel! Godric, is that what everybody thinks?"

He just shot her a pointed look and Mary stopped walking. "But that is _not_ what this is about at all!"

"Is it? Mary, if you would have paid all the attention you put into bashing Sophia to Fabio instead, you might have gotten him back. Now on the other hand…"

Jonathan got distracted by Oliver who was bringing him a small bundle of lavender sticks. "Thanks a lot, chap," he grinned at the little boy. "You might want to give those to your mum, though, because chances she'll ever get some flowers from a grown up man again are particularly low."

"Ha ha," Mary replied sarcastically, rolling her eyes at him. She fondly ruffled Oliver's hair when her son gave her the lavender bundle before she watched him run to his sister, who was now playing in a shallow pool of mud.

Jonathan watched the boy jumping into the pool for a moment with a slight frown on his face. "It's a miniature Sirius you've got going there."

"Oh, I don't know," she shrugged. "Looks maybe, but I doubt Sirius was ever as shy as Oliver is at the moment. He's scared of everything and everyone he doesn't know. Miss Magda seems to scare him the most of all."

"Miss Magda scares _me_."

"Even so, I do wonder who he's got that characteristic from."

"Well, did you know Sirius when he was little?"

"No."

"Shy kids usually turn into arrogant gits as they grow up, so…"

"You might have a point there, I don't know. I'll better watch Oliver, though, because I'd be damned if he ever turns into the arrogant teenager his father used to be."

"Good luck with that," Jonathan laughed before turning serious again. "But honestly Mary, just let Fabio go. Allow him the chance to build up a life with Sophia. Don't you agree that after everything that went on between you, he deserves to find some happiness?"

Mary sighed and thought for a moment. "I want him to be happy, I do. I just don't want him to be happy with her."

Jonathan shook his head and did not really reply. Instead, he merely muttered to himself (even though she could still hear him): "Jealous and vindictive ex speaking right there."

* * *

Whether Sophia had anything to do with it or not, apparently something _was_ going on, because a few nights later Roberto summoned everyone on the ranch to the main house. Fabio and Sophia, who was now usually spending the night on the ranch in his cottage, walked in together. Mary was cramped between Jonathan and Fiona, leaning back against the sink.

When all the sixty-four inhabitants were inside the large kitchen and had sat down, Roberto rose from his seat at the head of the long table. "The reason I have called you all here tonight is because there are some things going on. I am a man who values honesty, so even though a wiser approach might be to keep you in the dark a little longer until we know more, I have chosen to be as straightforward as I need to be."

"What is going on?" a middle-aged plump woman in the back of the room asked.

Roberto shot a grim look around the room, and Mary could almost touch the sudden tension in the air. She had not felt this kind of atmosphere in a long time, and her stomach gave an unpleasant lurch of recognition. She shot a worried look at Jonathan, whose gaze was fixed on Roberto, a certain dread in his eyes she had never seen there before. Her mind shot back to the present when Roberto finally broke the tense silence. "It has been brought to our attention that several hostile tribes have gathered near the borders of Borboleta."

A startled gasp went through the room. Several people, including Jonathan, paled and started to whisper frantically; Mary noticed that Fiona had clapped a hand to her mouth as she continued to stare at Roberto with big eyes, who silenced the room with one raise of his hand. "I want to emphasize that there is no need to panic. We've had it covered until now and will continue to do so in the future, especially if you know that our Apparition limitations are still intact. Only members of this community can apparate in and out of the ranch. Nevertheless, I feel the need to stress that for your own safety, none of you leaves the ranch or our side of the village for the time being. And I might demand that some of you will help protecting the borders eventually."

"But why would anyone attack us?" Francesco asked.

Roberto smiled wryly. "This location has the most fertile fields in the region. There have always been, and always will be, other parties looking for a way to take over this ranch. Do not get me wrong: I am confident we'll succeed in beating down those tribes, just like we have done countless times before. I am just being frank in telling you that things might get rough."

"I'm not scared," Sophia said suddenly and she possessively wrapped her arms around Fabio's neck. "I have to Fabio to protect me."

Mary crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. Was this woman for real? A moment later she heard Jonathan grunt rather unpleasantly beside her. "That just made me vomit in my mouth a little," he whispered in her ear and Mary had to stifle a nervous snort into a cough.

However, to her relief, Fabio was looking sincerely embarrassed and even Roberto did not know how to respond. "Eh well Sophia, that is good to know," he said at last before looking around the room once more. "Like I said before, tribes threatening to invade our peaceful community is nothing we've never encountered before. What _is_ new to me, is that someone appears to be working against us from the inside out."

"You mean like a spy?" Jonathan worded what everyone else was thinking.

Roberto nodded. "That is one possibility, yes. Now listen," he continued and shot a brief look at Mary, who, for a moment, could feel every eye in the room on her and she quickly stared down at her shoes. "I will not have anyone accuse another member of this community without valid proof. Call it a smoking wand if you will. If I find that one of you speaks ill or tries to trick someone else without a damn good reason, there will be _severe_ consequences. In a way we are a family, and in times like these relatives need to stick together."

Several people in the room nodded and muttered consentingly. "You can all go home now," Roberto said dismissively. "I will let you know when we know more."

Mary – still feeling several eyes on her – did not look up immediately when people started to leave, but when she finally did, she looked straight into Fabio's eyes. His gaze was rather expressionless, but it still made a shiver run down her spine. It was as if he knew perfectly well what was on her mind. He probably did, because despite everything Roberto had just said, Mary still believed that there was something very fishy about Sophia. The way she had worked herself into this community in no time and the sudden threat of invading tribes was just too much of a coincidence. She and Fabio continued to stare at each other for another moment before Fiona forced her to break eye contact. "So what now?" she asked with a note of fear in her voice.

Mary looked at her. "I don't know. Just keep going. That's what Roberto wants us to do, anyway."

"But I've never really experienced a war. I left England before I would have really gotten involved. How did you guys used to deal with that? How do you… move on when all seems lost?"

"I… just cherished all the happy moments. And we always tried to remember that despite everything, we would always have each other." She smiled wryly. "And look how that turned out…"

Jonathan put a comforting arm around her shoulder. "Ah, but you were part of Dumbledore's army back then, the eh…"

"-Order of the Phoenix."

"Yes exactly, the Order. No one is expecting you to go out there and fight again."

"I know," Mary said after shooting a look at the empty seat Fabio had vacated only moments before. He and Sophia must have gone home already. She sighed. "But I have my children to think about now. I put Erin's life on the line once by remaining part of the Order, I won't do something like that again. If things get out of hand, I shall have to move."

Fiona shot her a shocked look. "But then Roberto will…"

"-Have to modify our memory. I know, but if that's what it takes to bring my kids to safety, I will. Speaking of which, I'd better go and check on them." She got up straight from leaning against the sink and put a hand on Fiona's arm. "Fi, I believe Roberto is right when he said that our borders are well protected. Whoever those tribes may be, they will never get inside. We're pretty safe here, I'm sure of that."

Fiona nodded with a small smile on her worried face, and although Mary was pretty sure her friend was still feeling as concerned as before, she realized it was the best she could right now. And she really wanted to go home to Erin and Oliver; their cottage was close to one of the borders after all. So she hurried out of the room and through the hallway. She headed outside in the cool night air and was about to run down the porch when someone called her name. She turned around and found herself looking at the person she least expected. "Oh, it's you."

Fabio was leaning against one of the pillars on the porch. "I need to talk to you."

"Er… I was on my way home. Erin and Oliver…"

"-This won't take long."

"Alright." Mary hesitantly walked over to him. "Where's Sophia?" she started conversationally.

"Helping Natalya to take Guido and Diego to bed. They appear to be quite the handful lately."

"Oh, right." She tried to ignore the tense silence between them as long as possible, but then the moment came she could not take it any longer. "Look, you wanted to say something…"

"I do," he nodded before cocking his head to the side and looking at her, giving a perfect Sirius-imitation. "What do you have against Sophia?"

"I…" Mary considered telling a lie, but she knew he would see right through it anyway. "Well, if you must know… I don't trust her."

"Right… And you're sure it doesn't have anything to do with the fact that she's going out with me?"

"Of course not!" she said indignantly. When he raised his eyebrows at her, she groaned in frustration. "Alright then, I was a little surprised at first, but that's beside the point. There is something about Sophia that's giving me an itch. Her appearance on this ranch and the sudden threat of rivalling tribes is not a coincidence if you ask me."

"What do you mean?"

"She has lived in the village all her life and _now_ she's started to work here? Typical coincidence, don't you think?"

"Not really. Eduardo lived in Arraial d'Ajuda for ten years before he came working for us."

"But she's always snooping around! Last week I saw her investigating the fence of the meadows behind the stables."

"She was probably just looking for me," Fabio shrugged.

"I know what I saw. She is bad news! I swear, Fabio, if she ever tries to hurt my children, you'll have me to answer to, you got that?"

"Why would Sophia ever want to hurt Erin or Oliver?"

Mary glared at him with her fists clenched by her side. "I've dealt with things like this before. We had a spy in the Order too, remember? I just feel something's off with her. Tell me, when has my intuition ever failed me?"

He shot her an incredulous look. "Do you really want me to answer that?"

Mary, realizing he was referring to Sirius, rolled her eyes and decided to ignore that last sneer. "Trust me when I say I'm not out to hurt you. And I don't want Roberto to get angry with me either."

He shot her another look. "That's what I came to talk to you about. Roberto does not easily forgive, so for your own sake and that of Erin and Oliver, leave Sophia alone. Leave me alone," he added as an afterthought.

Mary tried to ignore the impact of those words that were cutting through her heart like a knife. "Just be careful, okay?" she whispered, "And-"

"There you are!" Sophia had walked up behind them. "I've been looking all over for you," she murmured and slid her arms around Fabio's waist.

He smiled down on her. "I was just waiting for you."

"I'm glad you did." She kissed him and gave him one of those blissful smiles before looking over at Mary. "I wasn't interrupting anything, was I?"

"No, I was about to apparate home. Enjoy the rest of your evening," she replied before stepping down the porch.

"You're not walking home with us?" Sophia asked. "It's such a beautiful night."

Mary paused in her tracks, inwardly grinding her teeth. This was just what Sophia always did: pretending she was this sweet little angel, even though she knew perfectly well about Mary's history with Fabio and that she could not stand her. With a tremendous effort, Mary turned around and smiled at the longhaired beauty with her flawless skin. "It sure is. And yet I'm still apparating. Good night."

* * *

For the next month everything seemed to be fine. Roberto's plan to have everyone participate actively in guarding the borders of the ranch appeared to be working; the tribes (whether a spy on the ranch had informed them about it or not) did not dare to come any closer and eventually life on Borboleta got back to normal. Until that horrible Thursday night in March. Mary was in the middle of Healing a young jinxed girl who had full-grown tomato plants sprouting out of her ears when she received an emergency bird from Natalya. The S.O.S-note read:

_Mary,__Come back as soon as you can!_

Get back to the ranch immediately.  
Something's gone terribly wrong.  
Several children are very ill, Oliver is  
one of them.

-Natalya

Mary jumped up, terrified with shock. What in Merlin's name had happened? Oliver had been perfectly fine that morning. She strolled through several long corridors to get to the room where Carmalita was working on the hospital's administration. "Carmalita, there's been an emergency, something's wrong with my son. I have to go."

"Of course," her boss nodded curtly. "Were you seeing any patients?"

"Just a girl with a giant tomato plant in her ear."

"No matter, I'll take care of that for you. Go home to your son, child, quickly."

Mary nodded and took a deep breath before disapparating straight to the main house on the ranch. She hurried through the kitchen to the room where Natalya was usually watching over the children of the parents who had to work. The otherwise so tidy room was in utter mayhem now: about ten children were lying in or sitting on top of conjured beds. Every single one of them was wailing hysterically. That was if they weren't vomiting in (or next to, more like) large bowls Natalya and Fiona were holding under their mouths. Mary's eyes frantically searched for Oliver and hurried over to him as soon as she found him. Her son was sitting on a bed in the corner, crying hysterically and shivering badly; his sweaty skin had a purple tinge and his quivering lips were almost as pale as his skin. Mary hastily picked him up in her arms.

"Oh sweetie… It's going to be alright. Mummy's here now, shhh."

The little boy whimpered against her chest and Mary put a cool hand to the hot skin of his forehead. He was burning up. When she forced Oliver's chin up so she could look in his eyes, she noticed that the whites of his eyes had turned yellow, never a good sign.

"Oh thank goodness, you're here!" Natalya hurried over towards her. "I have no idea what is going on. One moment they were getting ready for a game of Exploding Snap, and the next they were all crawling on the floor, racked with pain."

"It was like a freaking domino effect," Fiona added, carrying a toddler called Juliana. "One went down after the other. It was really scary."

"Do you know what is going on?" Natalya asked.

Mary was still trying to calm Oliver down. She put her son back down on the bed and started to examine him, which was quite the challenge with him kicking around non-stop. "I do recognise these symptoms," she said eventually. "The overheating, stomach aches, yellowish eyes, the vomiting. That blue tinge… I just hope I'm wrong."

"What do you think it is?" Fiona asked.

Mary had just picked up Oliver again in another attempt to soothe him. "I… Let's not stress too much before we know anything for sure. Fi, could you go and get Francesco? I could really use a second opinion on this and if I'm right, we're definitely going to need his help."

Fiona nodded, handed Juliana over to Natalya and hurried out of the room. For a moment all that could be heard was the vomiting and crying children in the room when Mary thought of something else. "Where are Erin, and Diego? Guido?"

"They're all in class with Miss Magda," Natalya explained. "I already asked her. The older children seem to be fine."

"Oh, thank Merlin," she replied, briefly closing her eyes in relief.

"So is it really as bad as you think it is?"

"I hope not, because if it is, we'll need one hell of a potion to fix it. Spells won't make any difference in this case."

"But what is it, then?"

Mary did not reply immediately and continued to rock Oliver - still crying hysterically - in her arms. "A poison," she elaborated at last, and Natalya gasped. "You know how your body normally attacks viruses and other intruders to remain healthy? This disease, caused by the poison, works the exact other way; it tricks your body in thinking that the right cells are the intruders and makes it attack them instead."

"So that means…"

"The body will continue to sicken itself instead of making it better."

Natalya seemed to become paler by the minute. "Is it deadly?"

"Left untreated, the disease is fatal in the end, but I'm pretty sure we caught it on time. That is if I'm right about this diagnosis, there is a good chance something else is going on."

"But if you _are_ right, a poison? Who would do something like this?"

Mary did not have a real answer to that. She agreed with Natalya, though. The thought that someone in their community did not hesitate to poison innocent children was almost too gruesome to imagine. She was still staring ahead in thought when Fiona and Francesco walked inside. The biggest potion expert of the ranch shot one startled look around the room before he hurried over Mary and Natalya. "Let's have a look, shall we?"

He took Juliana from Natalya and put her down on one of the beds. She kicked around as much as Oliver when Mary had been examining him. She was now closely watching Francesco while gently stroking her son's hair. When Francesco had finished checking Juliana's eyes, he handed the girl back to Fiona and flopped down on the bed, looking perplexed. "It cannot be, but I'm pretty sure that…" He shot a look at Mary. "What do you think?"

She swallowed with difficulty. "I hope you're going to tell me I'm wrong, but… Sanguiversum Syndrome?"

Francesco thoughtfully scratched his chin before looking around at the room full of loudly wailing toddlers. "That's exactly what I was thinking. Merlin's Beard, all those small children: who would do such a thing?"

"We'll try to find out who's responsible for this later," Natalya said wisely. "Right now we need to find a way to make them better. There _is_ a cure, right?"

Mary gently put Oliver down on the bed and carefully tucked him in before saying: "There's that potion-"

"-The Retexpurgo Draft," Francesco chimed in.

"But doesn't take that over three full moons to ripen?" she asked, holding a cool hand to Oliver's flaming cheek.

"It does," he said. "But luckily for us, I am one of the few Potion makes in the world who know a way to speed up the process. The only problem is that I also need a very rare herb: Ashitaba."

"The herb that purifies blood and bolsters the immune system, of course," Mary nodded thoughtfully. "So what are you waiting for, then?"

"I don't have it. The only one who has access to the Ashitaba is Roberto and he keeps it in his private stash, in his office."

Mary frowned at him. "But Roberto always keeps his office locked."

Natalya stepped forward and produced a rusty-looking key from the pocket of her apron. "I hereby grant you access to my husband's office."

She handed the key to Francesco, who shook his head. "It would save precious time if I already can get started on the Retexpurgo. Fiona, would you mind getting it for us?"

"Eh… No, not really," she said reluctantly before taking the key from Natalya. "But I have no idea what that Ashi-asha thing looks like."

"Ashitaba," Mary corrected. "I'll go with you. Natalya, make the children lay down on their backs in the meantime and gently rub their tummies. It will help calm them down slightly."

The two girls hastily left the room and crossed the hallway over to Roberto's study room. "Do you even know what Ashitaba looks like?" Fiona whispered urgently. "I thought you said you sucked at Potions."

"I did," Mary replied grimly. "But I did get an E on my NEWT in the end. Potions are inevitable for anyone who's aspiring to become a Healer one day."

"And the Ashitaba?"

"Saw a picture of it in a book once."

They paused in front of Roberto's office. Fiona was about to put the key in the lock when she realized the door was not even locked at all. "What the…?" Fiona stammered, looking astonished.

"Maybe Roberto is already inside?" Mary suggested quietly, reaching for her wand nevertheless.

Fiona shrugged and also pulled for her wand. "You can never be too sure, I guess. Ready?"

Mary nodded and got an even firmer grip on her wand right when Fiona gave the door a little push. The sight inside startled them both. The study room was completely dark with the exception of a cloaked figure, who was hunched over Roberto's desk and hastily rummaging around. Mary was the first one to get over her initial shock and took a deep breath while illuminating her wand and pointing it straight at the intruder at the same time. "Stop right there!"

The figure froze and Mary took a step forward. "I've got my wand aimed at your back, so do not make any sudden movements. Turn around slowly and show us your face."

The intruder did not respond for another moment before he realized he had no other choice but to obey. The figure turned around slowly and Mary noticed he was holding a bundle of Ashitaba in his hands, but that was not the thing that made Fiona gasp in shock. Even Mary faltered momentarily when she realized who it was that squinted in the bright light of her wand. "Sophia? What the hell do you think you're doing?"

**- End of Update -  
**

**A/N: Whooo, minor cliffie that one. Sorry about that!**

- Song from the title: Suspicious Minds by Elvis Presley


	16. Fifteen: Die Another Day

**Author's Note: **Slight warning in advance. Many of you are not going to be happy by the end of this chapter, but like I said before: I have my reasons for doing this, so you all have to trust me on this one. Or not of course, that is your own choice and I will respect that.

**Dedication: **To JessluvsHarry, who has been reading my stories on this site for as long as I can remember and whose reviews I love to read.

**Disclaimer: **My lawyer's iPhone crashed. I'm trying to reach him by owl this very minute…

**Fifteen: Die Another Day** *

For a moment none of them could speak. Mary stared at Sophia, feeling flabbergasted but pointing her wand straight at her nevertheless, and Fiona was blinking feverishly as if she was still convincing herself that what she was looking at was no hallucination. At last, after what seemed like an hour, Sophia opened her mouth to speak. "This is not what it looks like."

The arrogance in her voice made Mary snap back to reality. "Oh really?" she said, making a scornful sound. "What do you think this looks like, then?"

"Like I'm trying to break into Roberto's office."

"Trying? It looks like you've come pretty far," she sneered before pointing her wand at Sophia's pocket. "_Expelliarmus!_"

The wand zoomed straight into Mary's hands. Sophia watched it go with a disappointed look on her face before looking up. "Yes it does, but please listen: I'm not…" She tried to shoot them a confident look, but Mary did not miss the note of panic in her eyes. "Stealing or anything."

By this time Fiona had finally regained control over her voice. "But Roberto's office is locked at all times, you know that, Sophia. And even fewer people have access to his desk. Whose key is that you're holding?"

"It's Nat-" Sophia started, but she quickly changed her mind when she noticed the key in Fiona's hands. "Roberto's key. He gave it to Fabio, who's asked me to get him some herbs."

"Why?" Mary asked suspiciously while she and Fiona were simultaneously moving forward into the room, towards Sophia.

"He… One of the horses is ill, it hurt his leg… Fabio needs herbs to mend the wound, to-"

"That's not possible," Fiona said, narrowing her eyes while taking another step forward. "Fabio spent the entire morning on the north-eastern border. He won't return to the ranch before nightfall, he told me so himself."

"But this is for one of the horses there!" Sophia cried, edging backwards towards the wall like a dog trapped in a tight corner. "I swear, he sent me a Patronus and asked-"

"-Stop lying!" Mary cried. "Admit it: you _were_ snooping around in Roberto's office and you've just been caught red-handed!"

Sophia leaned back against the wall and shot Mary a weary look. "This must be your lucky day, Woods," she said grimly. "You've never trusted me to begin with."

"And for a bloody good reason!"

"You b-"

"Alright, enough!" Fiona intervened sharply. "It's pretty clear you were breaking in, Sophia. And now you're going to tell us the truth. What is it that you were looking for here and why?"

Sophia looked at her. "Oh, come on, Fi. We used to get along fine. You know I would never do something like that. Don't let Woods jealousy of me and Fabio cloud your judgement."

Mary let out an indignant gasp. "What?! That is so not true!"

It was Sophia's turn to made a scornful sound. "Oh, please," she said, rolling her eyes. "It's pretty obvious you're in love with the guy."

"No, I'm not!"

"Yes, you are."

"No, I-"

"-Whether she loves Fabio or not is irrelevant in this matter," Fiona intervened again and for the first time ever, Mary found herself thinking that Fiona was the adult in this, not her. "I know what I saw, Sophia, and if I were you I wouldn't be worrying about Mary right now. You should think about what you're going to say to Roberto. To him traitors are worse than guerrillas and if you know how he used to treat _them_…"

Sophia snapped her eyes shut and Mary noticed she had started to tremble on her legs. "Please," she whispered, suddenly with a note of fear in her voice. "Please, you don't understand…"

"So tell us the truth, then."

She sighed and after a moment, opened her eyes. She looked from Mary to Fiona before whispering: "I had no choice. He was going to kill my family."

"'He' who?" Mary asked sharply while quickly running her eyes up and down Sophia's arms, half-expecting to spot a Dark Mark, proving she was one of Voldemort's servants.

"Goncalo Raposa," Sophia replied quietly.

Fiona gasped, but Mary looked up from studying Sophia's arms, a little puzzled. "I'm sorry, who?"

Sophia laughed mirthlessly. "And of course _you_ have no idea who that is. How typical…"

"He is one of the most numerous guerrilla warriors of the age," Fiona explained quickly. "Roberto suspects it's him rallying those other tribes that are now stationed right beyond our borders." She turned back to Sophia. "And what did he want you to do?"

"Infiltrate in this community, find out its weak spots, and eventually…" she hesitated and her eyes flicked to Mary. "Create a diversion."

Fiona frowned. "Diversion? What in Merlin's name are you going at?"

"Well…"

But Mary did not need her to explain what this diversion was about. Her eyes had already dropped to the Ashitaba in Sophia's hands and something in her mind clicked. Sanguiversum Syndrome can only be caused by a poison. A poison one member of the community must have poured into the drinks of the children, someone who was going to put the obvious chaos that followed afterwards to good use, someone who would… She gasped, suddenly feeling nauseous with disgust. "You," she whispered, dropping her wand in shock. "It was you who poisoned them."

Sophia, who seemed to realize that telling another lie would not help, nodded slowly. "On his orders, but you must believe me that I never wanted to hurt the children. He deceived me! If I knew the effect of that poison, I would never have done it."

Mary was barely listening to her. She was still looking at the herbs in Sophia's hands. "The Ashitaba…," she said, her mind working fast. "Raposa must have told you we would need it for a cure. You were trying to destroy it before we would be looking for it, weren't you?"

"I…" Sophia seemed to be lost for words. "I was only hiding it. I would give it back to you in time, Mary, I swear."

"Merlin's Beard!" Fiona stammered, her face deadly pale against the light of her illuminated wand. "You'd voluntarily hurt a couple of toddlers?"

"Yes… No, of course not! I didn't have a choice, my family! He was going to kill them all, please try to understand!"

Mary could not answer immediately. She was still trying to get her head around the fact that Sophia had consciously poisoned the youngest children on the ranch – Oliver among them! - without knowing the exact effects of this draft. Sanguiversum Syndrome was not easily cured, and even if she and Francesco would make a successful draft, it would take years to get the poison completely out of the blood system. She was positively seething with anger and wanted nothing more than to curse Sophia into oblivion, and yet she could not even make herself to pick up her wand. She was literally paralyzed with shock.

Fiona on the other hand, was not. "Right," she said briskly. "Right."

_BANG!_

Thin cords burst from the end of her wand and were twisting themselves around Sophia's wrists so that the Ashitaba dropped to the floor. "I'm still not sure if you're telling the truth, but why won't we let Roberto and Fabio be the judge of that?"

Sophia didn't reply, but she looked pretty scared when Fiona grabbed her shoulders and started to push her forward. "You coming?"

Mary looked up from staring at a painting of two lounging wizards on a distant beach. "Er…" Her eyes dropped to the bundle of Ashitaba on the floor. "Wouldn't it be better if I…"

Fiona followed her gaze. "The herbs, of course!" she exclaimed. "You take that back to Natalya and Francesco at once. And I handle Sophia."

Mary nodded numbly, once again awed by Fiona's sudden mature calmness, and carefully handed her Sophia's wand. She watched Fiona push Sophia towards the door, before her friend turned back and shot her a serious look: "I'm sorry no one believed you before, Mary. You were right all along."

Mary gave her a weak smile, and then they were gone. She remained standing there for another moment, feeling numb, until her mind snapped back into action. Oliver! She had to get back to Francesco as soon as possible. She bent down and grabbed her wand and the Ashitaba from the floor and turned to run all the way back to back room on the other end of the house, where she and Francesco immediately started to work on the Retexpurgo Draft together.

* * *

"OK, this is the tricky part," Francesco said while getting hold of (a still frantically kicking) Oliver and making him sit up straight. "Again, make sure he swallows down exactly six and a halve spoons. Nothing more, nothing less, alright?"

Mary nodded, her brow furrowed with concentration. They had already given the Retexpurgo to five other children with instant results (the fever and blue tinge disappeared after which the children would calm down soon), and now it was finally Olivers turn. "Come on, love," she said quietly. "Open wide."

Oliver struggled a lot and the content of several spoons landed everywhere but his mouth, but eventually Mary managed to make him swallow down the potion. Afterwards she held him against her chest, gently rocking back and forth, and waited until her son would calm down. Her eyes wandered around the room where parents of the other children were all right next to the beds, watching over their offspring. Then Francesco suddenly interrupted her thoughts. "What do you think will happen to Sophia?"

Mary looked at him over Olivers curly hair. "Honestly? I could not care less."

He looked surprised. "Seriously? After what she did? It's a good thing my son Quentin is older, but if he were among these children…"

She shrugged. "Oliver will be fine, that's all what really matters now. Besides, I'm sure Roberto and Natalya will know how to act. Speaking of which, did she say when she was coming back? Miss Magda and the other kids will be here at any moment."

"I'm here, I'm here," Natalya said calmly as she walked inside the room and shot a thorough look around. "No more screaming, vomiting or blue tinged children, excellent! I take it the potion did his job, then?"

Mary nodded. "They might remain weak and disorientated for another while, though, so we must keep a close eye on them, just in case."

"We're still not sure what the longterm effect of Retexpurgo will be on young children," Francesco elaborated when the other people in the room had also gathered around them. "At least we caught the poison on time. Anyway, tell us Natalya, what's going to happen now?"

The woman sighed and wiped her brow as she sat down on a bed. "I've just watched Roberto interrogate Sophia for two hours straight. I'd forgotten how terrifying my husband can be."

There was complete silence for a moment until one of the other mothers asked: "And…?"

Natalya looked at her. "She told them everything, under the influence of Veritaserum, of course."

Francesco frowned. "Them?"

"Yes, Fabio and Sayid were there as well." After shooting Mary a brief look, who pretended not to notice and checked Olivers pulse instead, she added: "I think Sophia's affections for Fabio were sincere, but other than that… Either way, in the end Roberto modified her memory and made her touch a Portkey, sending her to an unknown destination."

"Let's hope Roberto sent her somewhere in the Sahara desert!" he said before muttering: "Poisoning innocent children, I ask you…"

"Well, Roberto will explain the rest. That's why I came back so soon, anyway. He ordered me to send everyone back to the main house straight away."

Mary finally looked up from rocking her son back to sleep. "But what about Oliver and the others? And the older children? They should be back soon."

"Don't you worry about that, child," Natalya said, waving a dismissive hand. "I don't expect Roberto will need much of your time. And I shall watch all the children in the meantime. It should be fine."

* * *

But it was not fine. The minute Mary and Francesco walked inside the kitchen and spotted Roberto near the back – looking grim and worried – she started to have a bad feeling about tonight. Something was telling her it was not over yet, despite the banishment of Sophia. Her eyes flicked through the room when she sat down and soon found Fabio, not that far from Roberto, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. He did not look at her. In fact, she wondered if he even realized he was standing in the kitchen. He was just staring ahead over the crowd with such a suppressed anger radiating from his eyes that they might have been on fire. Mary thought she would have been furious with Fabio for not being onto Sophia in time, but oddly enough, now that she was looking at him, all she wanted to do was give him a hug and tell him it would be okay.

Jonathan interrupted her thoughts by flopping down next to her. "Sophia trying to poison some of the children, what a nightmare! Could you _believe_ she would do such a horrible thing?"

Mary slowly turned her head to look at him. "Hello, have we met?"

He gave a nervous snort. "Of course, you were the only one who knew all along. Tell me babe, did you ever experienced these Seer abilities before?"

"Who, me? You must be joking! I sucked at Divination, you know that. Clearwater used to say the Tutshill Tornados would win the Quidditch Series before I would see something in her crystal ball."

"What, like anything else than those swirling clouds? I used to tell her bad weather was coming."

Mary could not help a giggle from escaping her throat and was about to reply when Roberto finally spoke up. He talked about everything that happened earlier today and as far as Mary could see, Sophia had been telling the truth for once. She had been forced by the guerrilla leader Goncalo Raposa to infiltrate on the ranch and betray the trust of the community. She had to create a diversion (by poisoning the children) so that the people on the ranch were unprepared when Raposa and his fellow tribes would attack. Roberto explained that he, with the consent of Fabio, Sayid and Natalya, had modified Sophia's memory before banishing her to another country. The room remained silent when he finished his speech, until Jonathan cleared his throat. "So what about that Goncalo-figure?"

Roberto exchanged a glance with Sayid before saying: "Fabio told me that there have been several fights during the day, but our borders still stand. As long as Raposa attacks only one gate at the time, we should be fine."

But he had hardly finished his sentence when a sudden swirl of white-like clouds was taking form in front of him: a Patronus. Once the animal (an alligator, Mary noticed) was fully shaped, it turned towards Roberto and spoke rapidly in Portuguese, making everyone who understood the message jump up in shock. Mary's knowledge of Portuguese was not bad, but the only fragments she caught were "Raposa and allies", "attack" and "same time". Mary stared at Roberto with big eyes, who was just reacting swiftly by sending a Patronus back before turning back to the others, looking alarmed. "My friends, the only fear we had has come true. Raposa has just broken through one of the borders and is heading towards us. I need _everyone_ out there to fight. Take out as many guerillas as you can, but don't kill them."

"Why not?" a tall man called from the back. "It's not like they are going to spare us!"

"Perhaps," Roberto nodded grimly, looking determined, "but there are no murderers here, and I prefer keeping it that way. The others are already fighting, let's join them!"

The group of men started to storm out of the kitchen with a furious roar and Mary was pushed along with them against her will. She was hardly realizing that soon she would be duelling once again, risking her life for a good cause, just like she had done countless times for the Order. But somehow, it did not feel right and she was relieved when Roberto pulled her back. He dragged Fiona towards them from the other side before booming: "You two! Go back to the back room and watch the children with Natalya! Now!"

Mary nodded and hurried out of the kitchen, Fiona hot on her heels. She was about to turn the corner that lead to the back room when she ran straight into Fabio, who caught her arm. "Mary, wait."

"Let go!" she yelled as Fiona slipped past them and ran off towards the back room on her own.

"No, wait!"

"I can't," she cried, finally succeeding in shaking him off. "It's my kids. I need to protect my kids!"

Mary stormed off without looking back, even though she heard Fabio call something after her. Part of her longed to hear what he had to say, but for the most part she just wanted to get to Erin and Oliver as soon as possible. She headed inside the back room and, in a sudden thought, magically sealed and barricaded the door to prevent anyone else from coming in. But a sudden cool evening breeze that was blowing her hair back warned her that had been a hopeless act. Mary slowly turned around and found herself looking at a scene she somehow had been expecting all along.

The back room was no more. The entire roof had been blown off, there were more beds on their sides than up straight and the feathers from the pillows were flying through the air. Mary's eyes dazedly flicked around the room until they found Fiona, who was huddled over a figure buried under the remains of a closet. She somehow managed to find a way through the mess on the floor. "Wha- why, is she?"

Fiona looked up, her brown eyes blurry with tears. "Natalya," she sniffed. "She's not breathing. We're too late. She's d-"

"-Are you sure?" she asked urgently before dropping to her knees and checking her pulse. "Maybe there's still something we can do."

Fiona silently watched how Mary tried to revive Natalya and even using a spell that would force the heart to restart, but eventually, she was forced to give up. "Damn it!" she cried in exasperation before resting her hands on her knees and forcing herself to take a few deep breaths. Fiona was still sniffing beside her when she looked up. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"It's okay, but poor Roberto. Poor Diego and Guido…"

"I know," Mary sighed and blew her hair from her face before she saw something really disturbing. Natalya was not the only casualty in the room. There were several other bodies, _children's_ bodies. Oh God… She jumped up in shock and frantically searched through the ruins for Erin and Oliver, hoping against hope she would not find them here. Fiona helped searching for them as well, and in the end she finally found some of the children with Miss Magda, huddled together in what used to be a large store cupboard, but Erin and Oliver were not among them.

Mary was started to feel a kind of panic she had not experienced since that night Sirius got seriously hurt at Oxford. The only thought on her mind was to find her children, and that both of them were fine, or she would lose her mind. Then at last, when she pushed back three heavy crates aside to look behind the stairway, a pair of terrified grey eyes looked at her. "Mummy?"

"Erin!" Mary lifted her up in her arms, feeling the relief wash over her when her perfectly healthy daughter wrapped her legs around her waist. However, this moment of peace only lasted so long when she realized Oliver was not with his big sister. "Erin love," she asked, trying to overrule the shaking of her voice, "Where is Oliver?"

"I don't know," the girl replied in a trembling voice. "There were these mean men standing in the room. Miss Magda told us to hide, I crawled… under the staircase and then all sorts of things were flying… through the room. I was so… scared, mummy."

"Shhh, I know," Mary said, thinking fast. Oliver clearly was not here, which meant he was outside in the heat of the fight. This could be really, _really_ bad. She had to act, now. So she heaved Erin a little more firmly in her arms, reached for her wand and was already heading outside when Fiona interrupted her. "Where are you going?"

"To find Oliver, of course."

"But it's dangerous outside!"

"You think?" Mary replied, failing to leave the sarcasm out of her voice.

"But shouldn't you be leaving Erin here with me?"

"No," Mary said resolutely, shaking her head. "I almost lost her once tonight, there's no chance in hell I will leave her behind again."

And she walked off into the night before Fiona could say anything else. They followed the dark path towards the beach. Luckily Erin was calming down slightly now that were walking away from the ruins of the back room. Mary could spot the familiar bright lights of spells in the distance, indicating where most of the duels were taking place. She peered around closely, but the darkness was so vast around her that she could hardly see a thing, so in the end she did not have a choice. _"Lumos."_

The tip of her wand illuminated the area around her, but almost at once, Mary was forced to make the light go out again. There were two guerrillas rights in front of her. She quickly put Erin down against a palm tree and tapped her head twice, turning the girl invisible to hostile eyes. Mary only had enough time to turn back before one of the rebels sent a stunner at her. She easily managed to dodge the hex and immediately sent a quick spell at the other wizard, making him keel over in a nearby bush.

The other wizard who had attacked her first was also no match for her, and for a brief moment, Mary actually enjoyed herself. Duelling had always been one of her best assets and she was pleased to see that she still knew how to do it. When she had defeated her last opponent as well and tied him and his unconscious pall up against a tree, she called Erin. The girl jumped right back into her arms (still invisible), and after another moment, Mary decided to keep it that way. She marched straight towards the beach, having a feeling she might find Oliver there.

But the closer she got to the beach, the more she started to fear that it had been incredibly stupid to take Erin with her. She was practically bringing her into the line of fire. However, it was too late to turn back now. But when she finally stepped onto the beach, Mary knew her fears would be coming true. It was an actual battlefield. Several witches and wizards were duelling each other, spells and curses were flying everywhere and there were bodies on the ground, silent casualties amongst the whining wounded. The weird thing was that none of rebels tried to attack Mary; besides occasionally dodging a curse, she could walk right through the crowd.

Then she suddenly gasped. She had finally spotted Oliver! He was sitting in the sand, not all that far away from a row of nearby cabins. The little boy was wearing a bemused look on his face as he was staring at all the action around him; he was probably just admiring the colours of the spells, unaware of their deadly or painful consequences. Mary started to make her way towards him, feeling more anxious by the minute. If only she would get to him in time…

Oliver was only a hundred and fifty feet away from her now. She was feeling frustrated with the loose sand and that it was slowing her down so much. Hundred feet…. It would be okay, they were going to make it, all three of them. And then Mary's heart stopped. A rebel warrior had just ended a duel with one of the guys from the stable and turned around. His dark and evil eyes gleamed with anticipation when he spotted the boy. "Oh God, no, please, no!" Mary cried, sheer panic rising in her throat while sprinting towards them, realizing he was still too far away for her to curse him properly.

The man did not hear her desperate cries (or perhaps he didn't care) and got a better grip on his wand before aiming it straight at Oliver's back. "No don't, wait!"

And then things several things happened at the same time. Fabio, who had just finished a duel on the roof of a cabin, leaped to the next roof and jumped off it, crashing straight onto the rebel. The two men rolled around the sand while being curiously watched by Oliver, momentarily punching each other with their fists until both of them regained control of their wands and continued their duel in the wizard way. In the meantime, Jonathan had appeared next to Mary and stunned the witch who would have cursed Mary only seconds later. She looked from the stunned body to Jonathan and back. "Thanks," she said breathlessly, unable to think of something else to say.

"Anytime," he replied, panting. He and Mary silently watched how Fabio finished his opponent off before he looked around to start a duel with another rebel, but then he realized the fight had finally come to an end. "Ah," he nodded, wiping his brow with this sleeve. "They chickened out. I figured they might in the end."

"Yeah," Mary said, suddenly realizing that her legs were no longer capable of carrying her and Erin's weight, and she dropped to her knees before reaching for her wand and muttering the counter curse, so that Erin finally reappeared.

Jonathan shot the girl a surprised look. "She's been with you all along?"

Mary sighed. "Don't ask," she mumbled before putting her hands on the girl's shoulders. "You alright, sweetie?"

Erin nodded, although she looked scared out of her wits. Mary could not blame her. She pulled her daughter in her arms and only looked up when another pair of feet paused in front of her. "Oliver!" she cried out when she noticed the unharmed boy in Fabio's arms.

"He's okay," he said while putting the boy down in the sand.

Oliver immediately crawled onto Mary's lap so that now, she was both her children in her arms. She expected she'd might collapse at any minute now, but the feeling of immense relief washing over her was indescribable. She could feel tears running down her cheeks, but did not bother to brush them off. Not that she could have managed anyway, with both her kids in her arms like that.

"So what now?" Jonathan asked Fabio. "Are we going to have to clean up all this mess?"

"Not now," Fabio replied matter-of-factly. "Our first priority is to secure our borders. Anything else can be dealt with in the following days. I should go, Roberto will want to see me straight away."

"No wait," Jonathan said. "I'll go."

"You?"

"Yeah. You've been on that border for three nights in a row. It's about time someone else went in your place. You stay here while I see what I can do for Roberto."

There was a pause. "Alright," Fabio said at last. "But if you need anything…"

"Nah, it'll be fine. I'll see you guys in the morning."

Mary heard Jonathan walk off, but her eyes were still closed so she wasn't sure if he was already out of earshot. However, she was forced to open them after all when Fabio asked: "Are you hurt?"

She looked up at him and shook her head. No, she was not hurt, but he was. There was a great gash over his right cheek and several cuts and bruises on his neck, shoulders and arms. "Are you?"

He shrugged. "Nothing a Healer can't fix."

"I'll see what I can do."

"Do you want to go back to the main house?"

Mary shook her head. "I just want to go home and take these two to bed. They've been through enough for one night."

"Do you need my help with that?"

"I'll be fine, thanks."

But when Mary tried to get back to her feet, her legs did not obey her orders. She simply could not to find the strength to push herself up and was struck by a sudden dizziness she could not explain. The fact that she was holding a five- and a three-year-old in her arms was not helping either. Then, without saying a word, Fabio reached for Erin and lifted the girl up in his arms. With that weight off her shoulders, Mary managed to crawl back to her feet. She and Fabio carried the children back to Mary's cabin without saying a word, wondering if there would still be a cabin to sleep in.

But as if by miracle, Mary's cabin had been left untouched by the guerrillas. Everything was still in place, like nothing had ever happened. Fabio walked up the stairs and put Erin back on the floor, who took Mary's hand and walked inside to brush her teeth. Mary expected she was going to have to read about ten bed stories in order to make the children fall asleep, but they dozed off rather quickly halfway through "The Fountain of Fair Fortune".

She quietly closed the bedroom door and was about to walk outside before she reconsidered and grabbed a bottle of elf-wine to take along with her. Fabio had sat down on the tops step and was staring ahead, leaning sideways against the edge of the stairs. Mary looked at him for a moment before she sat down next to him. "Alright, let's see if I can patch you up a bit, shall we?" she said while reaching for her wand.

Fabio did not respond and she shot him a puzzled look. "Fabio?"

"I failed you," he said suddenly, still staring ahead. "Failed you all."

"What?"

"I was so sure I could trust her. So convinced you were wrong about her…" He finally looked back, and Mary was shocked by the hurt and guilt in his eyes. "How can you ever trust me again? How?"

"I…"

She was still thinking about how she should respond when he suddenly turned towards her. "I'm sorry," he said while reaching for her hands and Mary was momentarily startled by the effect his light touch was having on her body. The skin under his fingers seemed to tingle and there were butterflies flying up and down her stomach. Her spine tingled in a pleasurable way and she shivered slightly, although Fabio did not seem to notice. He was still gazing at her intensely. "I am so, so sorry. Can we ever get back to the way we were?"

Her gaze slowly dropped to their entwined hands. For some reason her fingers had entangled themselves around Fabio's and she did not even notice. Mary frowned. She was missing out on a lot of things lately. Things she had been ignoring for a long time, yet the signs were still there. Wasn't it time to finally let go of the past? "It's okay," she suddenly heard herself say. "You've always known…" She swallowed before continuing in a whisper: "You even knew before I did, realized that…"

And then she finally dared to look up, feeling nervous and scared. And indeed, Fabio was still watching her, but his eyes were more tender than she had seen them before, and suddenly Mary knew that it would be alright, that this is where life had taken her, that she was supposed to be here, with him. So she leaned forward and almost instantly got lost in an amazing kiss. His lips were rough and dirty with sand and the vague sweet taste of blood, but Mary didn't mind. All she cared about was Fabio, his strong arms around her waist while he was carrying her inside, getting even closer to him and most of all: holding on to this feeling of never wanting to let go of him again.

**- End of Update -  
**  
_Song from the title: Die Another Day by Madonna  
_  
**A/N: [hides from furious SiriMar-groupies] **


	17. Sixteen: Don't Worry, Be Happy

**Author's Note:** Apologies for the unusual long delay in updates, but I've been away for a week (went skiing in Austria!) and afterwards the amount of work at my job was really demanding. Oh well, better late than never, right?

**Dedi****cation**: To missykirstenblack. Welcome back!

**Disclaimer**: Getting there. **–snort-** I wish.

**Sixteen: Don't Worry, Be Happy ***

Later on Mary would look back on the next few years as one of the most peaceful times of her life. In the months after the attack, which contained several burials and rebuilding the many damaged buildings on the ranch, life went back to normal, although Mary could not help but notice that the atmosphere was different: the deaths of beloved community members (including Natalya's) and the fact they had been betrayed by one of their own people had affected everyone tremendously.

Roberto for one would never be the same again. He had never been a very merry man to begin with, but the death of his wife hit him hard and he never fully recovered. He did not let anyone new into their community for over a year and, even though Fabio and Sayid managed to make him reconsider this drastic change of policy eventually, he remained grim and unable to look at things from a positive point of view. His sons Guido and Diego suffered under their father's gruff state of mind, and Mary felt obligated to help out whenever she could, so she and Fabio often had the twins over supper or play dates with Erin and Oliver.

Fabio. Basically the main reason Mary was feeling happy. From the moment she gave in to her feelings for him, they had been together and she had not once regretted her decision. For the sake of Erin and Oliver they had taken it slow over the first few months, but once the children were used to the idea that Fabio was now more than a friend and even started to ask for him, Mary and Fabio decided it was more practical if they moved in together.

Mary had not forgotten about Sirius. On the contrary, she still found herself thinking about him every day, but it was not as painful as it once used to be. It was clear to her that part of her life was behind her now, and there was no real sense on dwelling on what could have been. The day she took off her engagement ring had officially been the start of her new life. That's how it felt to her anyway, even though Mary never explained to Fabio what she had done with the ring. Simply because she could not bring herself to throwing it away.

After hearing several notes of advice from her friends (Fiona suggested burying the ring among the tallest tree in the backyard of the main house, Jonathan thought it would be more dramatic to chuck it into the ocean), Mary hid the ring in a narrow hole behind the baseboard in the kitchen. She did not have an explanation for wanting to keep it close to her after all, although she eventually reasoned that this ring was one of the few things from her past life she had left. So in the end she dismissed her nagging reverie that this just a bit of silly nostalgia, and nothing more.

If there was one thing that would always remind her of the past, it was Oliver. Personality-wise speaking, the boy had turned into a mini-Sirius over the years. Already he was repeatedly getting in trouble at school for pulling silly pranks. Together with his classmates, Irish Cillian and Brazilian Hugo, he was driving miss Magda crazy. Fabio could appreciate Oliver's mischievous behaviour to some degree, if the prank was not too nasty. Mary on the other hand was constantly reminded of a young James and Sirius, and although she could appreciate a good prank as much as the next person, the fact that one of the troublemakers was her own eleven year-old son was anything _but_ funny.

One early night when Oliver was not back home yet from a Quidditch practice, Mary was preparing dinner in the kitchen while Fabio was helping out Erin with her homework. Mary smiled; she loved to watch her daughter study; outwardly she looked every bit as arrogant as her father at that age, but she was quite the high-flyer at school and loved to read and study. For some reason, Erin's seriousness in learning about magic reminded her of Lily, and Mary cherished that thought. She was about to turn back to magically cutting the vegetables when someone walking inside caused the smile to freeze on her face. "Oliver! What have you done this time?"

Her son was standing in the doorway, still firmly holding his broom in one hand and a small bundle of grass flowers in the other, as though that sweet gift might keep him out of trouble. But no such luck. "Your hair!" Mary exclaimed, walking into the room, her wand still in her hand. "Look what you have done to your hair!"

Not that Oliver really needed to explain that. It was pretty obvious what had happened: several pieces of (chewed) bubble gum were sticking out from his messy hair; they had twisted themselves around his wavy curls, clotting everything together in impossible-looking knots. There was a sudden snort behind them; Mary wheeled around, only to see Fabio hastily stifle it into a cough. Erin was staring at her younger brother with wide eyes. "Well?" Mary demanded as she turned back.

"Eh…" Oliver said, making sure he was avoiding her gaze. "We were hanging out together after Quidditch practice and thought it would be funny to… put it into our hair."

"Who's 'we'?"

"Cillian and Lorenzo."

"They've got gum in their hair as well?"

"No…" he mumbled, looking down at the floor.

Mary closed her eyes and grinded her teeth. "I see." She reached out and touched a piece of gum in Oliver's hair. It was like getting hold of a piece of cement. "Merlin's Beard, what _is_ that stuff?"

"What kind of gum did you use?" Erin suddenly asked.

Oliver looked at his sister. "Droobles, the extra strong ones. Cillian's dad brought it along from Ire- OW!"

Mary had tried to pull a piece of gum from his hair, but it was no good. Erin groaned. "Oliver, you idiot, that stuff turns to rock if it's out of your mouth for longer than a minute."

"_What?!_" Mary exploded while Oliver – anxiously watching his mother - took a tentative step backwards. Fabio on the other hand looked intrigued. "A piece of gum can really do that?"

Erin nodded. "That's why the bubbles you blow with it can last forever."

Fabio shot Mary an amused look. "Can you imagine what a mess that would give in the house?"

She rolled her eyes. "Irregardless! The question at hand is: how are we going to get the gum out of his hair?"

"I think you should cut it," Erin suggested, a devilish evil grin crossing her face.

"No way!" Oliver cried, his hand immediately jumping to the back of his head, only to get stuck in his sticky hair. "Arrgh!"

Mary looked at him. "Well, that certainly would be a suitable punishment. Unless maybe…" She pointed her wand at Oliver's head and started to mumble one incantation after the other. The pieces of pink gum on his head turned blue for a moment, but that's all that happened. Mary sighed. "I've never been good at domestic spells. Fabio?"

Fabio grabbed his wand from the table, got up and thoroughly examined Oliver's hair. "I don't think so, sorry."

"So now what?"

He shrugged. "Leave it there?"

Mary shot him an incredulous look while Oliver exchanged a horrified look with Erin. "Leave it in?"

"Yeah, that way Oliver can learn to live with the consequences of his mistake."

"Oh, really? And who'll be cleaning the mess that's going to give in the house?"

"Er well, maybe I could write a letter to that Droobles-guy in the meantime. See what they think."

Mary sighed and stared out of the open window for a moment, wondering if there really wasn't anything they could do about this. She suddenly had a flashback of her own mother brushing out a piece of bubblegum from her hair when she was a little girl. Of course! Why hadn't she thought of that before? "Fabio," Mary said as she pulled a chair towards her and put Oliver down on it. "Can you summon a bowl, large towel, hairbrush and a jar of peanut butter from the kitchen cabinet, please?"

He arched an eyebrow at her. "Peanut butter?"

All the eyes in the kitchen were on her, but Mary knew it was the only thing that might work. "It's kind of my last resort. It's a creamy and greasy paste, made from peanuts. Muggles eat it on bread all the time."

"Alright," Fabio said while walking towards the kitchen. "I have no idea what I'll be summoning, but okay…" He returned with a small bundle in his arms, including a large jar of the product Mary had not seen in years. "Right…" she said while opening the jar and getting out a handful with a spoon from the set table.

"It smells good," Erin said interestedly, sticking a finger in the peanut butter and tasting it.

Oliver was not sharing her enthusiasm. "Is this necessary?" he asked, shooting the jar a suspicious glare.

"Yes," Mary replied dismissively. "Now, keep your head down."

And it took a few hours, but in the end – long after Erin had gone to bed – Mary had managed to get out every piece of gum from Oliver's hair without having to cut any of it. He had been in the shower for the last half hour, trying to get the greasy peanut butter out of his hair by washing it repeatedly, and when he finally returned to the living room and walked over to the sitting are where Fabio and Mary were both reading, he shot them an ashamed look. "What I did was really stupid, mum. I'm sorry."

Mary put her book aside and got up. "You will be. Oliver, this was completely irresponsible and quite frankly, the most ridiculous thing you have done so far. We _both_ think so. Which is why you'll leave us no choice-"

"-Mum, please!"

"Do not interrupt me. You are grounded for a month, starting tomorrow. That means no hanging out with Cillian and Hugo after school, or playing games with the other children at the main house in the weekend. And-"

"-Mum…"

"-_And_ no Quidditch."

"But the game against the Zumbar Escarabajos is on Sunday. We've been preparing for that game for weeks!"

"Well," Mary said, putting her hands on her hips and shooting him a stern look. "Perhaps you should have thought of that before. Now off to bed."

Oliver stood there for a moment, glaring at her with both his fists clenched by his side, before crying "I _hate_ you!" and storming out of the room.

The door of his bedroom got slammed shut with a loud bang, making his poster of the Chasers of the Irish National Team (Troy, Mullet and Moran) crash down to the floor. Mary stared at the closed door for a moment before tiredly closing her eyes when she felt Fabio wrapping his arms around her from behind. "You did realy well," he murmured against her ear.

Mary groaned as she felt herself relax in his embrace. "I hate doing this, hate having to be this furious with him."

"You did the right thing."

"-And I hate that's he's angry at me."

"You're his mother, Mary," Fabio said after a pause. "It's impossible to be his friend all the time. You also have to raise him."

"I know that," she sighed and turned around to look at his face. "I just hope he won't hate me forever for temporarily banning him from the team."

Fabio shrugged. "He'll live. Oliver should learn that behaving like a clown is not always the best way to go."

Mary pulled him closer for a long kiss. Afterwards she gently stroked his cheek, feeling slightly rough under her fingers because of the upcoming stubble. He closed his eyes for a moment at her touch before suddenly shooting her a close look. "It does make you wonder, though…"

"What?"

"Where he gets that irresistible urge for mischief. Not from you, obviously."

Mary couldn't help but smile. "I can think of someone."

* * *

A few months later, on a lazy Sunday afternoon, the four of them were hanging out on the beach. That said, Mary was sunbathing while reading a book and Erin was burying her legs among a thin layer of sand. Fabio and Oliver were ahead playing a game of football (the first was showing the latter how to balance the ball on a foot without dropping it) and Mary watched them occasionally over the edge of her book. She realized (not for the first time) that Fabio was the best surrogate father she could have wished for. Her children seemed to adore him and not once had he complained about taking on the care for them. It was only when Erin was saying something that Mary realized that she had not been the only one watching them. "What did you say, love?"

"I said that I was wondering how long it would take to travel to England."

"From here? Erm… A few hours by Floo Network," Mary said, unable to prevent her mind from shooting back to that devastating night she had come to the ranch. "Why?"

"So that means dad could get here over night?"

Mary shot a concerned look at Erin. She had been doing this for quite some time now. Asking serious questions about Sirius from out of nowhere, wondering how and when he would come to Brazil, or why he had left them. It made Mary believe that her daughter was thinking a lot more about her father than she was letting on. And it wasn't that Mary worried about Erin not calling Fabio 'dad'; it had always been like that. She did see him as a father, but unlike Oliver, she was reserving the term 'dad' for Sirius. Even though she could not remember anything about him. Mary knew, she had asked her. "In theory yes," she said after another pause. "But he can't ever find us here, love. You know that."

"I know," Erin echoed in a small voice, staring at her sand-covered legs. "But… Doesn't he want to come to us?"

"I… Well," Mary closed her book, got up and sat down next to the girl. She was considering her next words carefully, for she was weary of telling lies, even though she had long decided she wasn't going to tell Erin and Oliver the dreadful truth. Not yet, anyway. "I don't think so."

"Why?"

She sighed. "I'm afraid there's not an answer to every question. Sometimes things work out, and sometimes they don't. And between me and your father… It…" She could not bring herself to say that they had not been right for each other, because that could not be any further away from the truth. "It was complicated," she said at last.

"But did he not love you anymore? Love us?"

Mary looked down into her daughter's questioning eyes. _Sirius's_ eyes. It was breaking her heart that she could not tell Erin the truth, but she knew it was for the best to keep her in the dark for now. She sighed and gently stroked her hair. "No sweetie, he loved you very much. But the war, it… changes people. He just… he went another way."

Erin frowned. "Another way… So that does mean he can come back after all."

She bit her lip, thinking of Sirius who had been locked up in Azkaban for over eleven years by now. "I don't think so. Not really." She was thinking of saying something relevant that could comfort her daughter when Oliver came running towards them, followed by Fabio carrying the ball.

"I kept it up for over a minute!" he cried proudly from a little distance. "Did you see?"

"No love, I'm sorry," Mary said when he finally paused in front of them, panting a little. "Erin and I were talking about something. Will you show me again?"

"Okay," the boy nodded before quickly pulling Erin to her feet so that the sand covering her legs fell off in a small dusty cloud. "You need to come too, Erin. I can teach you!"

Erin shot a look over her shoulder at Mary, who smiled reassuringly. "Go ahead, have fun."

Oliver took his sister by the hand and pulled her along to the shoreline. On the way they passed Fabio, who handed them the ball before making his way over to Mary. He dropped himself on Erin's towel and raised his hand to wipe the sweat off his forehead. "I'm beat. That son of yours… Once he gets going, there's no stopping him."

"You're telling me," Mary muttered, smiling to herself about Oliver's impressive stamina.

She watched him showing Erin how to catch the ball on her foot for a moment until Fabio pulled her mind back to the present. "Are you okay? You look worried."

Mary looked down at her feet. "She was asking questions again. About Sirius," she added for good measure.

"Ah," Fabio nodded while blowing his hair from his face. "And?"

"I managed to dodge the subject as much as possible, just like always. But I'm really worried, Fabio. She keeps asking, and every time she does I have to lie to her."

"Hmm. Then maybe," Fabio suggested after a pause, "you should thinking about telling them what really happened."

Mary looked up at him in shock. "But I thought we decided-"

"-That they're still too young. And they are, but maybe they can handle the truth after all. Since they keep asking, I mean…"

"_Erin's_ asking. Not once have I heard Oliver mention Sirius."

"Not yet, but he's no different from Erin. One day he too will want to hear where he comes from."

She shot him an incredulous look. "And what am I supposed to tell them, then? 'Yes, my children, your daddy loved you very much. He was just a tad too busy plotting on selling us and his best friends to the Death Eaters'."

Fabio frowned. "And since when do you believe Sirius is guilty?"

"That would just add a little extra to the story, now wouldn't it? 'Oh, by the way, mummy sometimes still believes there has been a big mistake and the whole world is wrong to having accused him of these crimes. And that's why everyone thinks she's crazy. Isn't that nice?' Yeah, that sounds like the way to go, alright."

He looked at her and then shook his head, smiling. "You're quite something, did you know that?"

She shrugged and rested her head on her knees. "I'm running out of ideas here. You what I was thinking the other day? That it would be so much easier if I at least had some photos I could show them. Like… From my time at Hogwarts or while we were in the Order. At least they would have an idea of who I was back then, what my life looked like… Now everything's just in my head, you know?"

Fabio reached out and tenderly brushed a bit of sand from her lower back. "Well, you left in quite a hurry…"

She laughed and shook her head. "That would be an understatement. I had to dress Erin in a tea towel, do you remember?"

"Quite. Now _there's_ a story you should tell her some day."

Mary stared ahead, where Oliver was cheering loudly because Erin – after several attempts - was finally managing to balance the ball on the top of her foot. "You know what? I think I might do that."

* * *

Later that week Mary came home from an exhausting day at the hospital. A farmer from the outlands had transfigured both of his arms in order to produce more milk than his neighbour (a richer farmer with more cows). His plan would have worked out brilliantly if it weren't for the fact that he did not know how put a halt to the milk production. She and Francesco had been working on a cure the entire day and it wasn't till dusk when they finally found a way to transfigure the udders back without making the farmer lose his arms. She opened the door and walked inside, where Fabio was just fetching himself a Butterbeer. "Hey there gorgeous, want one too?"

"Yeah, sure," she replied while chucking her bag on a seat and taking off her shirt. "I'm gonna hop into the shower first. I'm still covered in milk stains."

"Exciting day?" Fabio asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Don't ask." Mary walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower. "Where are Oliver and Erin?"

"Fiona's horse is about to give birth. They wanted to go and take a look. I said they could as long as they're back by ten."

"Sure, fine," she said while rinsing her hair – it had grown quite long again over the years and she had not ever bothered to cut it again – from the milk. "Didn't you have to be there yourself?" she asked when she was done showering and had changed into a comfortable jeans and white tank top.

"Nah, Eduardo can handle it. Besides, I wanted to be here when you got home. I have something to show you."

"What?" she asked, walking back into the room while rubbing her hair with a towel.

"Aren't we impatient?" Fabio teased while jokingly pinching her side, making her jump.

"No!" she said defiantly. "Just curious."

"Alright, alright then. Listen, I was thinking about what you said the other day and I thought you had a point."

Mary gazed at him in confusion. What she had been saying the other day? She was telling him so many things! It could be anything. Fabio noticed her curious look and smiled mysteriously as he walked over to the table and picked up a brown paper bag. As he handed it over to her, Mary noticed it was quite heavy, like some kind of book. She took the object out of the bag and turned it around in her hands. It did not turn out to be a book after all. It looked like some kind of folder; brown, not that thick but beautifully leather bound. She turned it around in her hands once more. "What's this?"

"I think you should take a look inside," Fabio suggested gently.

After shooting him another look, Mary sat down, untied the leather laces, carefully opened the folder, and let out a gasp. The folder contained several photos; small and big moving pictures of herself and people she had known and loved. James and Lily, Zabini, Moody and Edgar Bones, Brice and Remus, Peter and there… Sirius.

Her heart skipped a heartbeat before it seemed to contract with a sharp pain she had not experienced for a long time. It was alright in her head where she could lock up memories and forbidding herself to think about him, but right now, he was coming back with full force. Sirius twirling her around on the dance floor at James and Lily's wedding, Sirius chasing her with a snowball in the biggest courtyard of Hogwarts, Sirius amusing Erin by making bells of soap coming out from the tip of his wand: her past was suddenly everywhere. She only realized tears had been running down her cheeks when Fabio suddenly put a hand on her shoulder and said: "Alright, Mary?"

She looked at him and sniffed. "Yeah, it's just- There pictures…"

"They bring back a lot at once, don't they?"

She nodded slowly. "Yeah… Did you see them?"

"I had a quick look at them earlier. You seemed genuinely happy with your friends and… Well, him."

"You know which of them is Sirius?"

"I have a hunch. It helps that Fiona told me I look somewhat like him." He suddenly grinned. "That said, I think I'd have the right to curse her into oblivion if she was talking about him instead."

He pointing to a guy being hugged by Mary in one of the other pictures and she could not help but laugh through her tears. "That's Peter, also one of my friends. He's dead too. Got killed by…"

"I know," Fabio said gently before she would have had to finish that sentence. He put his hand over hers and squeezed it softly. "It's okay."

Mary looked back down and her eyes found a picture of her hugging Brice and Lily at their graduation of Hogwarts. They had been so proud and happy that day… "Where did you get these?"

"Let's say I know people and pulled some strings here and there. But that doesn't really matter, does it? What's important that you now have some pictures to show Erin and Oliver."

"But these are practically all happy pictures! It's not a very accurate view on what my life used to be like."

Fabio looked at her. "I don't think Erin would mind much. I have a feeling she might leave the subject of Sirius alone once she knows what he looks like and who he used to be."

Mary flicked through the pictures until she found one of Sirius showing his new flying motorbike to James, Remus and Peter. She had almost forgotten how incredibly good-looking he used to be. "I guess so," she said eventually."

"Look, you don't have to show it to her tonight. Just… When the time comes, I have a feeling these pictures will come in handy one day."

He pulled her close to him and kissed her on the forehead. "I love you."

"Love you too," she mumbled and rested her head on his shoulder. "And… thanks."

She felt him smile. "Don't mention it."

At that moment there was a knock on the front door. "Who could that be?" Mary asked, frowning slightly.

"I don't know," Fabio replied calmly while getting up. "Maybe something's wrong with Fiona's horse?" he asked as he headed to the door and opened it.

It was not Fiona's horse, but Fabio had not been far from the truth: there was something terribly wrong. Mary knew this as soon as she saw the look on Sayid's face when he walked inside. "We're in trouble."

"Why?" Fabio asked urgently as soon as he had closed the door behind him. "What's going on?"

Mary had never seen Sayid look so worried before. The normally so calm and reserved man was nervously looking from Fabio to her and back, and when he finally opened his mouth to speak, his voice was trembling slightly: "It's Roberto… Raposa's got him."

**- End of Update -  
**  
* Song from the title: _Don't Worry, Be Happy_ by Bobby McFerrin

**Author's note: I know that at Hogwarts first-years are usually not allowed to play Quidditch, but I figured that in Brazil this rule might be slightly different. Brazilians see sports as a crucial bit of their lives (football, mostly!), and I reckoned that wouldn't be any different in the wizard world.**


	18. Seventeen: Bring Me To Life

**Author's Note:** I haven't much to say in advance this time, just that some of you will be rather thrilled with the end of this chapter…

**Dedication: **To the "new girl on the review block", TamaraahJaspersGirl. Welcome!

**Disclaimer: **Ehm…

**Seventeen: Bring Me To Life***

Fabio's hand had never left the door handle when he finally broke the silence that followed Sayid's shocking announcement. "What are you talking about?"

"They have Roberto," Sayid replied while turning back to Fabio. He held up a crumpled piece of parchment. "Guido received this letter at the main house about thirty minutes ago. It says that Raposa and his men are keeping Roberto hostage until they get what they want."

"And what might that be?" Mary asked, speaking up for the first time since Sayid had arrived.

"What they always want," Fabio answered impatiently, waving a dismissive hand before finally letting go of the door and walking over to Sayid to have a look at the letter. "Rare magical creatures that we breed or perhaps this time just secret Potion ingredients and our most fruitful fields: they want to get their hands on this ranch, Mary," he finally elaborated when he noticed that the question mark over her head was still there. "Why did Roberto go over there by himself, anyway?" he asked Sayid.

"Guido says Roberto told him and Diego that Raposa wanted to negotiate, supposedly offering a truce."

"And he _believed_ him?" Fabio said incredulously before resting his hands on the kitchen table. "I know this type of men," he muttered while staring down at an old wine stain in the wood, "I've dealt with them before. The only thing they negotiate about is whether to chop off or spear the head of their enemy."

He continued staring at the table until Sayid asked: "So what are we going to do now?"

Fabio did not respond immediately, and after another moment of silence, he took a deep breath and looked up. "Alright, get Francesco, Butch, Eduardo, Ivan… In short: the usual bunch."

Sayid gave a brief nod and turned to walk to the door. He was about to be followed by Fabio when Mary finally jumped up from her seat. "Wait!"

The two men by the door turned back. "What?"

"You are just going to "rally the troops" and barge into Raposa's line of fire?"

Fabio exchanged a surprised glance with Sayid before replying: "Er… yes."

Mary stared at them in disbelief. "What, are you mad! Whatever happened to preparing properly before going into battle? When I was in the Order we used to actually talk things through before we acted."

"Well, we do things a little around here," Fabio said, a little defensively. "Besides, we don't have the luxury of thoroughly discussing the mission at hand. That is unless you suggest we leave Roberto with Raposa for another few days…"

"I… Of course not. You know that's not what I mean, but-"

"-Alright then," Fabio nodded, already turning back, and Mary suddenly felt a rush of fear and panic rise up in her chest. She could not really explain why, but she just knew she had to stop them or something terrible was going to happen. "No!" she cried while jumping forward and clinging onto his arm.

"Mary," Fabio said, shooting her a surprised look, "what has gotten into you?"

"Don't go."

"What?"

From the corner of her eye, Mary could see through the window that Jonathan was walking down to their cottage with Erin and Oliver. She had to act quick and looked Fabio straight in the eye. "I… Don't ask me to explain, but you can't go with them. Not now, not tonight."

He sighed and she could see that inwardly, he was counting to ten. "There is no one else who can lead these men. Besides, I've known Roberto the longest. He's probably cursing himself for what he did and would want me to come to his rescue, not anyone else."

He tried to gently release himself from Mary's grip, but she held onto him even tighter. "Mary," he said warningly, a note of anger in his voice. "Let me go."

She vehemently shook her head, only half-aware that Sayid was looking at her like she was the one who had gone mad. "I'm warning you…" Fabio said, stepping backwards while taking Mary along with him.

"No, you don't understand! Fabio, I have this feeling…"

He paused. "A feeling?"

"Yes! I fear that if you go down there, something awful will happen."

"Oh, for the love of Merlin!"

"Don't mock me! I've had it before."

Fabio continued to step backwards while saying: "Oh, really? You're no Seer, Mary."

"No, but still-"

"When you thought that Oliver would crash in his very first Quidditch match…"

"He sailed through without a single injury," Mary was forced to admit, feeling her cheeks go crimson at the memory. She had been right there in the crowd, fully loaded with emergency Potions, salves and other healing herbs that she was going to use when Oliver crashed, only to discover that her son could not only fly beautifully, but turned out to be the first Beater in ages to protect the Chasers from every single Bludger that got near them.

"And when Erin was supposedly to fail her end of the year Potions exam…"

"She came home with an A," Mary acceded grudgingly while Fabio was still trying to shake her off. "But this is different! On the night of Halloween in '81, I knew something terrible was about to happen. James and Lily died and Sirius…"

"That may be, but I'm still going. That's enough now, Mary," he said, moving backwards to the door while awkwardly dragging her along with him.

"No, please, you don't understand. This has happened before, I've been right before!" she tried again, meanwhile thinking how odd this sight would look to Erin and Oliver once they would walk inside.

"Let. Go. _Now_."

"No!"

"LET GO!"

"NO!"

Then Fabio did something Mary did not expect: he roughly pushed her aside so that she was forced to let go and crashed straight into a cabinet. Several pieces of tableware were raining down to the floor and she covered her head with her arms to protect her face from the splinters of glass and china.

"Mum?"  
"Dad?"

That's when Mary knew Jonathan and their children could not have arrived at a worse time. She looked up, only to see a wide-eyed Erin and Oliver stand by the door, right next to a frowning Jonathan and a downright awkward-looking Sayid. Fabio looked shocked at what he had done and rushed over to pull her back to her feet. "I'm sorry," he whispered and pulled her into his arms. "I never meant to… Are you hurt?"

Mary carefully touched her face, but aside from a rather nasty scratch near her left-eyebrow, she seemed alright. "I'm okay," she told him quickly before looking over at Erin and Oliver. "Oh, you guys, don't look so shocked! Fabio, Sayid and I have been really stupid; we erm… were playing a game of Frisbee inside and he has this terrible aim, so I had to dive and catch it. And ended up there as a result, ha ha!" She quickly reached for her wand and waved it around so the plates and glasses repaired themselves and flew back to their shelves in an instant. "No harm done," she said, smiling.

There was a tense pause where her children looked from her to Fabio until Erin spoke up: "There is no Frisbee in the room," she noted with slightly narrowed eyes.

For a moment Mary didn't know what to say next when-

"And look what I found!" Jonathan's confident voice came from by the door. He was holding up a bright yellow Frisbee. "Looks like it's been a rough game, but honestly; playing Frisbee inside the _house_? What kind of example are you trying to give, Mary? Tut-tut."

At that Oliver concluded it was alright, shrugged and headed inside. "I'm hungry."

Erin – unlike her brother she still seemed to think something was off - followed her brother to the kitchen after shooting her mother a look, who smiled back as convincingly as she could and Sayid cleared his throat. "Fabio… We cannot linger."

"Yeah, I know," Fabio – his arms still around Mary – nodded before taking her to a distant corner of the room. "Listen, I hate seeing you angry and scared, and I do acknowledge that, sometimes, you've been right before about things like this. But I don't have a choice here."

"There's _always_ a choice, Fabio."

"No," he said softly, taking her hands in his while pondering over something. "Do you know what men like Raposa do when they get control over communities like ours? They murder the men and enslave the women and children. Or worse. I don't want Loupe's fate to also become yours. I won't allow it."

Mary looked at him and, finally, realized there was no way she could ever stop him from going down there. So instead, she kissed him. "Be careful," she whispered when they broke apart. "And just… Just be on your guard."

He smiled, gave her a tiny wink and another kiss, and then he was gone. Mary watched him and Sayid walk down the lane towards the beach until they were out of sight. She sighed and was about to turn back to the others when her stomach suddenly gave another unpleasant lurch. The book of pictures! It was still open on the kitchen table. If Oliver or worse: Erin would get her hands on it…

Mary did not want to explain or show them anything about her past tonight; now while she was so worried about Fabio, Roberto and the other men. She quickly made her way over to the kitchen, only to find Erin and Oliver sitting at the table, both trying to put marmalade on their sandwiches by using their wands (one more successful than the other). Jonathan, her life-saver for the second time within an hour, was sitting across them, totally at ease with the brown album on the table, safely tucked under his arms. Mary shot him a grateful look before sitting down next to Erin. "Why did you come back early? Did Rosa already have her foal?"

"Not yet," Erin replied, shaking her head. "Butch came down to send us back home. He said he would stay with Fiona instead."

"He awslow said id wod be dangwerus to go howme alwone," Oliver piped in.

Mary held up a hand. "Don't talk with your mouth full," she told him reprovingly.

"-Which is why Jonathan came back with us," Oliver continued after swallowing his mouthful of sandwich. He frowned. "But they didn't tell us what the danger was."

"Does it have anything to do with where Fabio and Sayid are going?" Erin asked, looking at Mary, who exchanged a glance with Jonathan before replying: "Yes, it has. There are some things going on near the border. Bad things... But they're going to take care of it now. It should be fine."

"Is Roberto going there as well?"

"He's already there," Jonathan said before Mary have answered that question. "I'm sure everyone will be back in no time. Now, who's interested in a game of chess until they get home?"

* * *

But they were not back in no time. Several hours passed in which Oliver beat Jonathan three times in a row until he finally managed to win a game while Erin was drawing in her notebook and Mary tried to catch up with paper work from the hospital, even though she did not finish a single report. Instead, she was mostly staring ahead, trying to understand why she was worrying so much. Since Sophia's betrayal and the great invasion where Natalya got killed, there had been minor attacks every few years. Raposa and the other tribe leaders clearly did not give up easily, but the community had been alright every time. No other casualties had occurred, and why should that be any different this time?

But that was the thing: Mary had not felt this worried about someone since the days of the Order and Voldemort, when she somehow knew that Brice's final mission was a huge mistake or that night Sirius was critically injured at the battle of Magdalen. That very same feeling was nibbling on the inside of her stomach now; this horrible feeling telling her someone was going to get hurt. When she took another glance at the clock, she realized it was half past eleven and sent Erin and Oliver to bed. When Jonathan had put back the game of chess in the box and conjured them both a goblet of Exquisito di Cinamomo, he sat down next to her. "Interesting collection of photos you have there," he noted casually while shooting the leather bound book a curious look.

"I know… It could be something I might share with the kids some day. Erin especially has been bombarding me with questions about Sirius lately. This might help with that… Fabio gave it to me, although I have no idea where he got it. Have you seen the pictures?"

"Seen them? I practically selected the bunch!"

Mary stared at him in confusion until the mischievous grin on his face told her he was a lot more involved than she would have thought. "You! _You're_ the connection Fabio used to get hold of these pictures?"

"The one and only," he grinned, nodding confidently.

"But how…" She suddenly groaned and buried her face in her hands. "Please don't tell me you wrote Remus and made him send you a bunch of pictures of people that weren't even your friends?"

He arched his eyebrows at her and even looked a little offended when he said: "Writing to Remus to get pictures of you and Sirius? How dense do you think I am, Mary?"

"Well, sorry, but he's the only one you've written since I got here, except perhaps Dumbledore?"

Jonathan suddenly looked a little uncomfortable; he was shifting in his seat and played for time while slowly sipping his drink. Mary shot him a puzzled look. "Isn't he?"

"Not exactly," he confessed after another pause. "Technically there is one other person in Britain who knows I'm in Brazil. I never told you until now, but he's… Well…"

"Who?" she asked breathlessly, her curiosity momentarily making her forget the worry.

He looked at her. "Hagrid."

Mary's jaw dropped and she could not speak for a moment. "_Hagrid's_ aware of this place?" she managed eventually. "And he knows you're on it?"

"Hmm-mmm."

"And… What about me? Does he know Erin and I are here?"

"Well," Jonathan said, "He does now. But don't you worry, he doesn't know the exact location of the ranch. Besides, he can be trusted. And you know he likes to collect everything, from pictures to perilous creatures. So he put this album together in no time, or so he said."

"And I'm very grateful for that, but how does Hagrid know that you're here?"

"He's the first person I ran to when I tried to escape my homicidal dad," Jonathan said simply.

"But I thought you went to Dumbledore."

"Eventually I did, yes, but I was more used to talking to Hagrid than the Headmaster of Hogwarts. Although he probably understood me a lot better…"

Mary was silent for a while, wondering what he meant with that last comment about Dumbledore, when Jonathan got hold of the book and stood up. "Well, you'd better put this in a safe place until you're ready to show it to the children. If Erin gets her hands on this…"

"You're right," Mary said, also getting up and taking the album from Jonathan. "I'll put it in the kitchen cabinet and make sure it can only be summoned by me."

'-Or me and Fabio," Jonathan said wisely, "In case you'll get run over by Augusto one day. It's better to spread the risk, you know."

She agreed and after charming the album, they watched it vanish in the kitchen cabinet together. "Right," Jonathan said while rubbing his hands together, "it doesn't like seem like they're getting back anytime soon, so why don't you and me play another of-"

"Shhh!" Mary had suddenly placed her fingertips over Jonathan's mouth because she thought she was hearing voices.

In the silence that followed they could clearly hear hushed voices approaching, along with hurrying footsteps. Mary reached for her wand and strolled towards the door. After peeking through the keyhole and establishing it was not the enemy, she opened the door to a sight that would haunt her for years. Butch was in the lead, carrying a tall unconscious man over his shoulder Mary could not yet identify. He was flanked by a limping Francesco and Ivan, who was pressing the remains of his shredded blouse to his bleeding forehead.

Mary could not see Fabio anywhere. Guido was there, he was the last one in line; he was holding onto Laika with all his might; Fabio's dog was howling and repeatedly tried to jump up Butch's back. And when Mary looked closer, she realized that Fabio was there after all: he was the wounded man Laika was so desperately trying to get to. And when Butch was getting closer to the porch, Mary could see Fabio's injuries were very severe. She felt herself clutching the doorpost. "Oh God…"

That was the moment when Jonathan appeared next to her, took one look at the devastating scene below and stormed out. "What happened?" he asked Butch, who momentarily seemed to out of breath to say anything.

"Bloody Raposa," Ivan answered instead. "He was acting on his own this time; didn't even want to listen to what we had to say. He let one of those creepy native wizards from the Amazone curse Fabio before he could have said a word. Things turned nasty after that. We duelled long and hard and managed to free Roberto in the end. Then Butch snapped Raposa's neck like a stick, at which his remaining men all fled back into the forest."

Meanwhile, Mary was finally letting go of the doorpost and hurried down to Butch and Fabio. "How is he?"

"Not good," Butch panted in his low and hoarse voice. "He's been out for at least thirty minutes by now. Still breathing, but barely."

"Get him inside!" Mary ordered. She was about to follow Butch and Fabio back into the house when Francesco spoke up: "Mary, a little hand here?"

"I'm a little preoccupied now, Francesco!"

"I know, but I can help you. If you could just mend my leg… It's fractured in at least four places and it's not my specialty; I can't do it myself."

Without thinking twice, Mary hurried down the steps and pointed her wand at Francesco. She only used one spell, but it made the injured leg light up in a white flash of light. Afterwards he could put his weight on it again. "Normally I'd tell you to give the leg a rest for a few days, but now…"

"I'll be fine. Come on!"

The two of them ran inside the house and towards the bedroom. Fabio (still unconscious) was looking even worse than Mary had thought. He was paler than she had ever seen him before, his hair was soaked with sweat and he was trembling severely. Aside from that there was this strange hemorrhagic rash on his skin. She wasn't quite sure what it was at first and took his hand to have a closer look at it. At that Jonathan spoke up: "Are you sure that's the right thing to do?"

"Of course I am!" Mary snapped. "He has to be examined, and that's what I'm doing."

"Actually," Francesco said, "Jonathan is quite right. We don't know what curse hit him, Mary. It seems like some kind of virus, which could be highly contagious."

She looked at him, realizing they were both right but still unable to put Fabio's hand down. "Even so," she said stubbornly. "He needs to be examined."

"But Mary-" Jonathan objected.

"-Can you please go and make sure Erin and Oliver will stay in their room? I don't want them to see any of this."

For a moment Jonathan looked like he wanted to say something else, but then he nodded and walked to the door. When he passed Francesco and Ivan, he asked: "Where's Roberto, by the way?"

"With Sayid and Eduardo. There were some minor injuries, but nothing they couldn't handle. Butch said he would check on them."

"That's good to know," Jonathan said and, after shooting Fabio one last look, he left the room.

Mary was still examining the rash when Francesco took a step closer to have a look at Fabio's face. "He's bleeding from his nose and ears."

He looked at her – extremely worried – and she was suddenly reminded of a dying Sean Zabini in a elongated hall at Oxford. "Did something bit him?" she asked urgently, taking hold of her wand. "Like a Runespoor?"

"No," Ivan said. "It was a curse. Definitely a curse."

Francesco was now examining Fabio's stomach, which looked bluish with red bruises here and there, indicating there was internal bleeding. "Mary," he said, looking up to shoot her an anxious look, "This seems like some kind of virus. Now, I'm no expert on Muggle diseases, but these symptoms… Doesn't that make you think of…?"

Mary stared at him, but from the corner of her eye she could still see the blood dripping from Fabio's ears. "Ebola," she whispered.

Ivan gasped and Francesco nodded grimly while casting several Healing spells at Fabio's abdomen. "That's what I thought."

"But that's impossible! Ebola only occurs in parts of Africa. It has to be something else." She opened Fabio's mouth to establish that his tongue was not black, but red. "See?"

"I'm not saying it's the Ebola-virus, but it could be a mutated curse which causes a variant of that disease. Either way, it's equally fatal."

Mary's heart skipped not one, but three beats. "W-what do you mean? There has to be something you can do!"

He looked at her. "Does the Muggle world have found an antidote by now?"

"No."

"The wizarding world is not all that different when it comes to viruses like this. Perhaps that Amazone wizard would have known how to Heal this, but he was dead by the time we got to him. There are things I could try and I have a Potion that will protect us and the others from being contaminated, but…"

He shook his head, defeated, and Mary suddenly felt like she was falling from a tall building with no one around to catch or pull her back. No cure. There was no cure. That meant that Fabio was going to… All reason was thrown out of the window and she clung onto Fabio's body, landing her head on his chest and wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. The impact of that unexpected extra weight finally caused him to wake up and he gasped in agony. Mary turned her head to look at him and with a mighty effort, he opened his mouth to speak. "I'm s-s-sor-"

"Shhh," Mary said softly, her voice trembling. "It's going to be okay. You'll be…"

"Mary," Francesco said quietly and he pulled her off the bed, "I think it's best if you wait outside. Perhaps get the children…"

"But-"

"You're in no position to be a Healer right now. You're a loved one, you cannot think rationally. Besides, I don't know how long he still has, so if you want Erin and Oliver to say goodbye…"

Mary, feeling more dazed than ever, stumbled out of the bedroom and into the kitchen, where Jonathan was drinking a cup of hot coco with Erin and Oliver. They looked up at her expectantly, but she didn't know what to say. Because how are you going to tell your children that the one man they had known to be their father was about to die? But she didn't have a choice. "Erin, Oliver," she said, unable to keep her voice steady, "You have to go to our bedroom and see your father."

"What's going on?" Oliver asked as Jonathan put a comforting hand on his shoulder. Erin said nothing. She just looked at her mother with a questioning look in her eyes.

"He's… He's hurt. And he won't get better, so you must go… You must go now."

Erin stared up at her, wide-eyed. "Wha- How?"

"Please don't ask any questions now, love. Now, it's just important that you go to Fabio and tell him how much you love him, okay?"

Mary pushed her children in the direction of the bedroom and they obeyed in the end, albeit a bit hesitantly. Erin took her brother's hand in hers and they finally disappeared in the bedroom. Mary, unable to follow them, wanted to give them a moment alone with Fabio and leaned back against the sink while trying to control her breathing. But when Jonathan wrapped his arms around with a devastating "Oh Mary", there was no stopping it. She cried with great sobs, hardly noticing that her nose was running on his expensive new Hugo Boss T-shirt. But Jonathan didn't care about that or, if he did, didn't say anything about it. "Shhh," he said soothingly while she continued to cry.

"I-I knew," she stammered eventually. "I should have st-stopped him."

"As you said so yourself, you could never have stopped him. He was protecting you and the kids."

"But now he's going to d-"

Another wave of tears overwhelmed her and she was pressed against Jonathan's chest once more until Erin and Oliver emerged from the bedroom. There were tear strains on Erin's face, but Oliver seemed merely bemused. "Hey, you guys," Jonathan said while pulling them in a close embrace. "Hush now, it's gonna be OK. You should go back in there," he told Mary.

She nodded dazedly and, after kissing both Oliver and Erin on the head, she made her way back to the room, hardly realizing where her legs were carrying her. Fabio was still conscious; Francesco was making him breathe in the damp of a red-coloured Potion. "This will make you fall asleep, so that you will no longer be in pain."

Mary made her way over to the bed and reached for Fabio's hand, who squeezed back. When Francesco noticed her, he nodded and put the cork back on the flask and put it on the bedside table. "I don't expect he will, but if he's asking for it, make him breathe in the damp. It will ease his passing." He put a comforting hand on her shoulder before he and Ivan left the room.

They were alone again for the first time that night, but knowing it would be the last time they were together was unbearable. Mary didn't know what to say, so instead she just continued stroking Fabio's hand in silence. It was him who broke the silence eventually. "Erin called me dad," he said, his voice much slower and hoarser than usual.

Mary smiled sadly. "Better late than never," she said quietly while stroking his cheek with her other hand. Fabio closed his eyes at her touch and a tear ran down her face. "Oh, you stupid man. Why did you have to go out there?"

He opened his eyes again. "I told you… I did this to protect you. You and Erin. And Oliver. You're my family and I would have done it again without thinking twice."

She sobbed and gently kissed his forehead. He flinched. "Are you in pain?"

He sighed. "I've been better, but it's alright now. Listen," he suddenly said in a clear voice, "I love you, and I want you to go on after I've gone. Don't turn back into that sulky woman you once used to be." He grinned sheepishly. "It would ruin all my work."

She couldn't help but laugh through her tears. "I'll try."

"No, not try. Promise."

Mary looked at him, remembering the conversation she had had with Sirius in St. Mungo's all those years ago. She suddenly realized that she had never actually done what Sirius made her promise; to move on when something bad happened to him. She had needed Fabio to do that. Well, she would not be making that mistake twice. This time, she was going to keep herself to the promise she was about to make. "I promise."

"Good," Fabio smiled and breathed out deeply. It seemed like he had said everything he still wanted to say and was ready to finally give in to the virus attacking him. But Mary was not nearly done with talking to him. "Please, Fabio…"

He opened one bloodshot eye to look at her and she spoke quickly: "I love you. I know it took me a long time and I haven't said it nearly enough, but I really, really do love you."

Fabio grinned weakly. "If that doesn't sound like heaven to a dying man's ears, I don't know what will."

He closed his eyes once more and this time, Mary knew, he would not be opening them again. She remained stroking his face and hair as she watched his breathing become deeper. And quiet, every time a little more softer than the last one. And then, with a slight groan, the breaths came to a stop altogether. And she knew he was no more.

Mary remained sitting there for she didn't know how long, watching Fabio, holding his hand while an endless flow of tears was running down her cheeks. But finally she realized she could not sit like this forever. She had to go and tell the others. So she bent forward, kissed Fabio's bloody lips before momentarily resting her face on his still warm chest. "Thank you," she whispered. "Thanks for bringing me back to life."

**- End of Update -  
**  
_* Song from the title: Bring Me To Life by Evanescence_


	19. Eighteen: World Spins Madly On

**Author's Note:** This will be the last chapter before Sirius's return into Mary's life. And there was much rejoicing ;)

**Dedication: **To Indigo-infusion (I hope I spelled that one right). Cheers!

**Disclaimer:** The HP-series? Never gonna happen…

**Eighteen: World Spins Madly On**

The next few weeks passed Mary in a blur. Fabio's death was a lot to handle, many arrangements were to be made and she took care of those tasks as well as she could, but all the time she couldn't stop hoping this was all a bad dream and that she was about to be kissed awake by Fabio. He had been popular among the community, so everyone on the ranch tried to help out. And although Mary was grateful for this heart warming support, she sometimes felt like telling them to bugger off and leave her family alone to mourn in peace.

The only ones she could stand around her were Jonathan and Fiona, but even they did not know everything that was going on. Like the fact there was still a part that continued to believe that Fabio's death was just a long term nightmare and not the horrible reality. Eventually though she forced herself to accept that the man she loved had left her and her children for good. Fabio was put to rest in the same graveyard where Natalya and Jolene were buried, but his grave was located a little more to the side, under a tall tree on the edge of the hill that looked out over the valley so that he would still know what was going on the ranch. Mary thought Fabio would have liked that.

The day of the funeral was also the last time Mary went to the graveyard. Erin and Oliver were regularly visiting Fabio's grave and often brought drawings and little plants to place on his tombstone. They repeatedly asked her to come along and she considered it every time, but in the end she could not bring herself to do it. Whether she had never been able to visit James and Lily's grave had something to do with it or not, Mary could not stand being confronted with the finality of life. Fabio, like her old friends, had been too young when he died. And witnessing his grave becoming affected by the weather over time would only emphasize the loss of years he should have been allowed to live.

Not that Mary told her children any of these depressing thoughts. She explained to Oliver and Erin that every person deals with the loss of a loved one differently. She thought about Fabio every day (which was the truth), but wasn't ready to see his grave. The children accepted this rather unusual excuse, although Oliver would not rest until Mary had promised she would at least pay the grave a visit at Fabio's first death anniversary.

Life slowly went back to normal after that. That's how it seemed to everyone, anyway. Erin and Oliver both had their own way of dealing with Fabio's death; Erin acted aloof, but Mary noticed her daughter was spending a lot of time with Diego (who lost his mother Natalya a few years ago) and she was pretty sure that Erin at least _had_ someone to talk to. Oliver on the other hand mostly focused on Quidditch. Mary wasn't sure if this was a way of venting his frustrations or that he was simply improving his Beating skills, but it seemed to help him cope with his stepfather's death.

As for Mary, outwardly she was every bit the strong woman people expected her to be. Grieving, but determined to cope with the situation and continued to live her life. In reality Mary was merely playing this part; she cried herself to sleep every night. And even though the tears stopped coming at one point, the pain and despair in her heart never left. It was 1981 all over again. And although she was trying hard to keep her promise to Fabio and not "turn back into the sulky woman you used to be", she could not help but wonder why he had been taken from her and her family. What had she done to deserve to suffer like this again? The only (albeit depressing) thought she took comfort in was that things could not possibly get any worse than this.

* * *

She was wrong. Two months later, on a particularly rainy night at the start of August, Mary received a late owl from Roberto. It said he needed to speak with her urgently. She frowned, wondering what the trouble could possibly be about, because ever since Raposa's murder the remaining tribes had agreed to withdraw and return to their own parts of the forest. Nevertheless, she wrote Roberto an "I'll be right there"-note and sent it back with the red cap cardinal. Afterwards she checked one last time on Erin and Oliver (both appeared to be fast asleep) before apparating to the main house and knocking on the door of the study room.

"Entre," Roberto's low voice came after a short pause and she opened the door.

"Ah Mary," he said before getting up from his chair and effortlessly switching to English. "Come in, and close the door behind you."

She did as she were told before hesitating as she turned around. "I must admit I was surprised to receive an owl from you at this hour. Have the tribes returned?"

Roberto shook his head. "No, but you are correct in assuming that I did not call you here for a casual conversation." He turned and walked over to his liquor cabinet. "Can I offer you a drink?"

He held up a bottle of Exquisito di Cinamomo. Mary frowned. Roberto was not known for drinking a lot alcohol; if he was offering her strong liquor like this, something really _bad_ must be going on. So she nodded and made her way over to the desk. "What is this about?"

Roberto put the goblet of amber liquid down in front of her. That's when Mary noticed there was a small pile of folded newspapers in the corner. "Are those today's…"

"Daily Prophets?" Roberto answered, following her gaze. "Yes."

"I have been wondering what was keeping mine," she said, furrowing her brow slightly before looking up at him. "I don't understand how…"

"They were intercepted."

"But who would do that?"

Roberto did not reply immediately. At last, he sighed. "I did. Now, you better sit down because what I am about to tell you will not be easy to take in."

Mary's heartbeat quickened slightly and seemed to get louder with every beat. _What_ was Roberto about to tell her? Several thoughts at once shot through her mind. Would the Death Eaters have finally discovered her hiding place? Were they still haunting her and Erin after all those years? Or was Remus, her only old friend in England, hurt in some kind of attack? And Dumbledore or Hagrid, would something bad have happened to him? Her mind finally got pulled back to the present when Roberto continued talking: "As you know the paper arrives two days later on the ranch than in England. The reason I intercepted these papers – and this edition _only_, I will not do it again – is because you deserve to hear about this first so that you can think about how to deal with it."

"Deal with that?" she asked after having repeatedly cleared her throat.

Roberto folded his hands and cleared his throat. "There is no easy way of bringing this kind of news… I am really sorry, Mary, but two days ago Sirius Black escaped the prison of Azkaban."

Mary stared at him. Of all the terrible things she was dreading Roberto was going to say, this was _not_ one of them. Sirius escaped from Azkaban? How in Merlin's name was that possible? Did he receive help from someone? If so, from who? He could not possibly have acted on his own accord. Suddenly she realized she had been holding her breath the entire time. "B-But it's impossible to escape from Azkaban," she stammered. "No one has done that before. He didn't even have a wand."

"That's what the Prophet has been saying," Roberto nodded. "It will take an enormous amount of dark magic to break out of there wandless and alive. But according your Ministry almost every Dementor in their service is on the look out for him, so the situation should be under control soon. Nevertheless, I thought you should hear about this before the others do."

Mary was still staring ahead, unable to think about anything else but Sirius. The news of his escape was shocking, but to escape a place like that you had to be lucid and she could not help but feeling some relief over that. Apparently the Dementors had not affected his personality as much as some of the other prisoners. But only seconds later did a terrible thought strike her: _if_ Sirius could really stand being around Dementors for twelve years without being affected by them, would that be because he wasn't feeling remorseful in the very least? And would mean that Sirius really was a… She suddenly felt quite faint. "Oh God…"

Roberto momentarily reached out to put his hand over hers but reconsidered halfway and pushed the goblet towards her instead. She numbly took a sip of the burning liquid, and then another one until she had finally found the courage to look up at him. "But why now?" she asked, desperate to find a reason to keep believing in Sirius's innocence. "If he knew how to escape… Why wait for twelve years before doing it?"

"Don't ask me to fathom the ways of a dark wizard," he said shortly and Mary flinched. "Look, I know you always had faith in Black, but these recent developments… Surely they're making you realize that you were wrong?"

"I just… It goes against everything I know about him."

"Well, in that case you should wonder whether you've known him at all. The true Sirius Black, I mean."

He pushed one of the newspapers towards her and even though she wasn't looking at the front page directly, she could already see those blatant headlines the Daily Prophet always used when something _really_ big had happened. Unlike the last time she had seen Sirius on the front page, she was prepared, but the sight of her ex-fiancé post Azkaban was not any less shocking. His personality may not have been affected by the Dementors, but his looks certainly were. Mary stared at the unnerving photograph; the waxy white and sunken-faced man she had once loved with long and dirty matted hair that reached his elbows was staring up at her, blinking slowly. _"SIRIUS BLACK ESCAPES AZKABAN"_ was the head of the article below, but she could not bring herself to read it. When Mary stared down at her hands, she noticed they were trembling. "I thought I knew him," she mumbled.

For a while none of them spoke and only the crackling of the fire in the fireplace could be heard. Then Roberto sighed. "However, this is not about him, not really anyway. You should think about how you wish to handle this. Let's just say Black is _still_ after you…"

She looked up at him, her eyes wide with fear. "What should I do, then? Take Erin and Oliver and run? I mean, are we still safe here?"

"Safer than anywhere else," he said reassuringly. "Only Dumbledore knows your family is part of this community, unless he also told his Gamekeeper. That's not entirely impossible… However, one can only find this place when he is told by someone who already knows its location."

Mary frowned thoughtfully. "Like a Secret-Keeper?"

Roberto smiled. "Something like that, but less complex. There are more people who are carriers of the secret. In fact, everyone on this ranch is. You, Mary, are a Secret-Keeper as well."

"But I thought you said only the people on the ranch know where it is?"

"Yes, but I made an exception for Albus and Sean Zabini. The latter, as you are aware, is dead and I am confident that Dumbledore can be trusted. Which means…"

He ushered her to finish the sentence. "-That Sirius cannot find this ranch?"

"Unless Albus tells him where we are, but that will never happen. And that is _if_ your ex is still after you, which I doubt. I can imagine there are more important matters at hand for a Death Eater."

Another cringe. It was still confronting, too raw for her to hear the word Death Eater and the name of Sirius in one sentence. If Roberto noticed, he pretended not to have seen it. "So in any case, I recommend you lay low and stay here. But you must think about how you will deal with this when it comes to the children." Mary opened her mouth to interrupt, but Roberto held up a hand. "Now I am aware that you and Fabio agreed on keeping Erin and Oliver in the dark as long as possible, but this is a chatty community, and there will be talk."

Mary shot him a pleading look. "Can't you…?"

Roberto arched an eyebrow. "Forbid them to speak about it? Not likely. Don't you always remind your children that telling the truth is important? Perhaps it's time you lived up to that thought."

"But Erin and Oliver have been through so much this year already. I really rather not… I mean, I know I have to eventually. I've always planned to explain about my past in the end, but not yet. Besides, they don't know their father is Sirius Black."

"But once people start talking, they will put one and two together sooner or later. Erin and Oliver are smart kids, Mary. Would you rather they heard it from someone else than you?"

"Of course not."

Roberto downed the remains of his Cinamomo. "Then at least consider confiding in them before it's too late."

Mary bit on an edge of one of her finger nails. "But I can't just…"

"I understand it's not easy," he nodded. "But considering owls with new Prophets are due to arrive tomorrow, there isn't much time left."

She looked at him. "Give me one night to think this over. I'll come back in the morning to tell you what I'm going to do."

"Make that first thing in the morning," Roberto replied while rising from his seat. "I have an appointment with the Cuban Minister of Magic at noon."

Mary frowned as Roberto guided her towards the door. "Cuba?"

He nodded earnestly. "Fidel has been a fervent user of our Urgent Needs-Repressing Draft ever since he stopped smoking cigars in 1986."

"Fidel as in Fidel Castro?"

"The one and only," Roberto said with a wink before closing the door, leaving her alone with her thoughts.

* * *

At first Mary considered heading back home, but with all the thinking she had to do she would not sleep much anyway and instead disapparated to the stables. She took a deep breath and inhaled the familiar smell of horses and hay when she stepped inside; a few animals whinnied as if demanding to learn who was disturbing their peaceful night. Mary walked past several stables until she reached Ceasar's box; the tall black horse that had been Fabio's was huddled near the back of the stall. The stallion had not been itself ever since the passing of his owner. Mary tried to call Ceasar, but the horse refused to move while twisting his ears backwards and eventually, she gave up and walked on until she paused in front of her own horse.

Augusto was a lot happier to be disturbed from his night's sleep than Ceasar. The horse met her at the door with a merry whinny and poked his head through the bars. Mary rested her head against his nose and intertwined her fingers in the old horse's golden manes. "Oh Gus, what am I going to do?" she whispered, feeling her throat constrict with grief and fear.

She closed her eyes and freely let the tears run down her cheeks until the photograph of Sirius in the Prophet appeared in front of her and she jerked up her head. She still could not believe the awful truth; that Sirius _had_ betrayed James and Lily, _had_ killed Peter and twelve Muggles and _would_ have sacrificed her and Erin to Voldemort and the Death Eaters without a second thought. Even now the thought sounded ridiculous to her ears, but there was no denying it: Mary just couldn't see how anyone not evil could endure a twelve year-long stay with Dementors without being mentally affected by them. Dumbledore, Roberto, Fabio, Jonathan, Fiona and all the others had been right about along and she, the one person – perhaps besides James – who should have truly known him could not have been more wrong. Sirius had been the traitor after all, and never before had she felt more betrayed by him.

Mary opened the box, walked past Augusto and sat down cross-legged on a bale of hay in the corner. It didn't take the horse long to join her; he lowered his neck and sniffed at her pockets in an attempt to discover whether she was carrying something with her to eat. "Back off, you greedy-guts," she muttered, smiling despite herself, as she reached for her wand and conjured a few cookies. "You know," she said while watching how Augusto slobbered the cookie crumbs off her hand. "You remind me of my old friend Peter sometimes. He was also constantly thinking about food."

Augusto snorted indignantly as though to say she was insulting him. Mary reached for the band of his halter and pulled his head back down. "No need to look so offended, Gus. I can assure you that you're much handsomer than Peter ever was."

She kissed the horse's nose before letting go. After another moment Augusto bent his head once again and started to nibble on the bale of hay she was sitting on. "I just don't know what is the right thing to do," Mary sighed and massaged her temples, meanwhile wishing she could have discussed this with Fabio instead of a horse. "I don't want to cause Erin and Oliver anymore pain, but what if they find out before I get the chance to tell them? If people _do_ start talking… Erin especially will be keen on finding out more."

Mary listened to Augusto eating the hay for a while and realized the horse's chewing sounds were relaxing her slightly. She did not sleep, but continued to stare ahead while pondering over what was wise, and what the right thing to do. Mary was still sitting in the same position when dawn was upon her and she finally had come to a decision: she would tell Erin and Oliver as much as they needed to know once they asked for it. Roberto could not argue that Mary was trying to protect them from more distress (that postponing a difficult talk like this was also beneficial for her was another minor detail). She knew he could not force the rest of the community to remain discrete forever, but it would save her some time.

* * *

And in the following months that's exactly what happened. At first the escape of Sirius Black from Azkaban prison was the talk of the ranch. It was weird for Mary to hear Erin and Oliver talking about how terrifying Sirius looked and that it was more than obvious that he was You-Know-Who's most loyal supporter, unaware that they were bashing their own father. But, as she decided eventually, that was just what he deserved. For a while people feared Black might come to the community and "finish what he started" (that's how far the discretion went), but after Roberto assured everyone that dark wizards from England would never find their way to the ranch and that they were all safe, things went back to normal.

Mary was grateful for not having to tell Erin and Oliver about her past with Sirius yet, but of course she knew that day would come eventually. As the months went by, Roberto repeatedly asked when she was going to sit down the children for "the talk" and even Jonathan – who had never criticised her until now – reprimanded her for denying Erin and Oliver the truth. Mary agreed. It wasn't that she didn't want to tell them about it, but she was just too afraid to see the looks on their faces when they found out that their father was the villain who lied to them all and betrayed them in the worst way in the end. So instead, Mary worked long days at the hospital and could often be found in the stables at night, where she would ask Sayid (he was in charge now that Fabio was gone) for extra tasks.

In the hospital Carmalita usually put Mary to work in the ER-department, because she was unable to concentrate on cases that took more time to Heal. It took her a few weeks to realize, but then she started to wonder about a few men who repeatedly came to her. Their injuries were always minor (sometimes a broken leg or the sudden appearance of boils on their faces), easy to Heal and the cause of these injuries were never clear. When she talked to Carmalita about this one day, the old witch gave her one of her rare smiles. "Well, Fabio was a respected man in the region, but now word has spread that he passed and you are free again…"

Mary's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "They want to…"

"You are a beautiful woman, so I suppose so," Carmalita said before getting back to filling in a paper. "Ignácio is your next patient. Perhaps ask him, hmm?"

Ignácio Santos was a sheep farmer who lived about thirty miles from the village. This was the fourth time he had travelled to the hospital in three weeks. Mary opened the door of her examination room where he was already waiting for her. "Ignácio," she said as businesslike as possible. "What happened to you this time?"

"Sprained my ankle while running down the hill," he grinned up at her.

Ignácio was a thirty-year old Squib who could not even distinguish a potion from a glass of milk. He was not handsome or that clever, but a kind man, and Mary liked him. "Alright, let's have a look at this, then," she said while sitting down and gently removing his sandal.

He flinched when she touched his strained ankle. "Sorry," she while taking hold of her wand with the other. "But the pain will be over in no time." She made a difficult wand-movement before tapping his ankle twice; a light-blue glow erupted from the tip of her wand that spun itself around Ignácio's leg and disappeared within the skin. "There," she said. "Now try and put some weight on it."

Ignácio got up and leaned on his foot. "The pain has gone!"

"Great. Now sit back up there for another moment so that I can I wrap a bandage around it, just in case."

He watched her using her wand to put the bandage on his cured ankle for a moment before speaking. "Miss Mary, you are the best."

She smiled up at him. "I do try."

"No really, I wish I could do something to repay you." He paused momentarily before exclaiming: "Ah, I know! Let me take you out to dinner!"

Mary looked at him, not sure how to respond without hurting his feelings. "Ignácio…"

"Please, just this once!" He took hold of her hands. "I _know_ I am the man for you. Just let me prove my love for you."

She sighed and gently pulled her hands back. "I am sorry, Ignácio, but I don't date patients by principle."

"But I'm not a patient anymore. You Healed me! Look-" He lifted his bandaged ankle into the air and Mary groaned inwardly.

"I like you, but I'm not inter- ready to date other men so soon after Fabio's death. In fact, I pretty much think I'm done with men altogether."

He shot her a surprised look. "Really?"

"Yeah," she nodded while looking at him, surprised at herself for the truth of that statement. After all, falling in love had not exactly ended happy for her and those she loved, now had they?

"But are you sure? Maybe I can prove you wrong!"

"Ignácio, I've seriously dated three men in my life. One became a murderer, one died and the other ended up gay*."

Ignácio rubbed his nose for a moment while considering this. Then he looked at her, his dark beady eyes crinkling with amusement. "I think I'll pass."

"You, Ignácio Santos, are a very wise man," Mary replied after helping him back to his feet and opening the door. "Don't let anyone tell you differently. Oh-", she called after him when he was walking down the hallway, "feel free to spread the word about my ability to destroy men's lives. Especially about the gay-thing."

* * *

Spring came and went and the Summer (hotter than ever before) passed far too soon for Mary's liking. And yet she _still_ hadn't talked to her children about her relationship with Sirius. She had sat them down with the intention to tell them once or twice, but every time something else came up. It was only in June, at the end of Autumn, when Erin started to ask questions about Mary's past in England again. That's when she knew she could not withhold the truth much longer. After thoroughly discussing this with Jonathan and Fiona, Mary decided she would show them Hagrid's pictures while telling them some (none of them needed to know that Sirius had sold Mary and Erin to the Death Eaters as well) things they needed to know.

So one evening after dinner, Mary ordered Erin to make some tea and asked Oliver to stay in for one night (he usually went out playing Quidditch or football with his friends) because she had something important to tell them. When the two of them were sitting at the kitchen table, each a steaming goblet in their hands and a curious look on their faces, Mary downed her own glass of elf-wine in one go for some Dutch courage and headed for the cabinet to summon the book. "Now," she said as she sat back down. "As you know, I don't like talking about the past. About my time in England and… And your father. However, recent developments, as well as Erin's continuous asking, has convinced me that it's only fair if I tell you about what my life used to be like."

"But why now?" Erin asked. "Why not before?"

"Well, some things are not pretty, and Fabio and I agreed on keeping you and your brother in the dark for as long as we thought necessary."

"So it was _him_ who told you not to tell us?"

"Leave dad out of this!" Oliver yelled.

Erin glared at her little brother. "He is _not_ your dad, he never has been."

"Enough!" Mary looked from Erin to Oliver and back while saying: "Fabio was your stepfather and as far as I'm concerned the best surrogate father any child could wish for, at least a Hell of a lot better than your actual dad. But yes, Oliver, Fabio was not your biological father."

"I knew that," the boy muttered while staring down his steaming goblet. "And I don't care about that one bit. Unlike _some_ people I know," he added, glaring at his sister.

"Oliver, that's enough," Mary reprimanded before pushing the photo album forward. "This book contains several pictures of when I was a teenager and some more of the period after I graduated from Hogwarts. Feel free to have a look."

Erin leaned forward and eagerly started to leaf through the album while Oliver looked over her shoulder. They were currently studying an annual start of the year photograph of the senior Gryffindors in the Common Room, with the fifth years on the right, the sixth-years in the middle and the seventh-years (including Mary) on the left. She could already spot a beaming Lily and proud (but slightly arrogant-looking) James down the front where the Headboy- and Girl belonged. "Are you on there?" Oliver asked interestedly.

"I am right here," Mary pointed to her younger self standing between Remus and Brice, brightly grinning at the camera. "And the blonde girl is my friend, Brice."

"Who's that guy on the left?" Erin asked. "He's cute."

Mary couldn't help but laugh. "That's Remus."

"The Remus I was named after?" Oliver asked, his curiosity obviously peaked.

She nodded. "Yup. That's the one. If you grow up to be as wise and kind as Remus Lupin, I'll be a very pleased mum."

"I'll do my best," the boy grinned before looking at the picture again. He and Erin were silent for a while until she finally asked the question Mary was expecting – and dreading - the most. "So where's our father? Is that him?", she asked, pointing at James.

"No, that's James Potter."

They both looked up at her in shock. "The father of the The-boy-who-lived? You knew the Potters?" Erin asked.

"I did," Mary nodded. "Lily, Harry's mother, was my best friend."

"That must have been hard, when they died, I mean…"

She looked at her daughter. "I still miss her every day. At this very moment I could have done with her advice, actually."

Erin frowned thoughtfully and Mary assumed that she was getting closer to the truth with every question. "And dad?"

Mary leaned over the table where Oliver was closely studying a photograph of a Quidditch game (Gryffindor against Hufflepuff) and flipped a few pages until she found a picture of her and Sirius at the New Year's Eve ball. It hurt to simply look at the photograph; she could still remember the way he swayed her around the Great Hall like the world belonged to them. They had been blissfully in love (until that cow Cassidy Donaldson came to disturb the peace, of course). Erin and Oliver both looked at the handsome guy taking their young mother in his arms over and over again. "Wow…" Oliver said in awe as he looked at the description below while Erin continued to stare at the photo. "Sirius and Mary, 31th December 1976."

Oliver frowned and Mary also noticed that a note of recognition was passing over her daughter's face, and it took her another moment of thought, but then she finally looked up. "Sirius, our father's name is Sirius?"

"Yes."

"Sirius…" she repeated. "And he was good friends with the Potters? Wait, you're not saying that…?"

Oliver still looked a little nonplussed, but Mary knew Erin had figured it all out on her own. She sighed. "You know I did not flee England for no good reason. I don't like talking about that time, about what I... What I went though there. It's because… I loved a man who betrayed our single best friends, James and Lily Potter. I used to be engaged to Sirius Black."

Erin's eyes were narrowed while Oliver's were as wide as saucers. Eventually though, he was the first one to speak up. "Do you mean this man-" he pointed at yet another large picture of "Sirius the escaped convict" in the Daily Prophet, "-is our father?"

Unable to come up with a better answer, Mary merely nodded. Oliver looked from the gaunt face to the handsome young guy in the photo album. "But he doesn't look like him at all!"

"Well, I've been told a stay in Azkaban prison is hardly a beauty farm."

Her daughter finally seemed to have regained her voice. "So this is why you never said anything, why you never told us?"

Mary sighed. "I thought it was for the best. Fabio agreed, but now that Sirius has escaped… I just want you to know that this man betrayed me and my friends. And he was probably the best actor you will ever meet. I won't lie, he was a wonderful dad to you, Erin, and I'm sure he would been just as great with you," she said, looking at Oliver. "I just never saw his betrayal coming. None of us did."

"I thought you couldn't deal with the fact that he left had you, but all the while you were just doing it for us," Erin whispered before getting up from her chair and hugging her mother from behind. "I had no idea. Thank you, mum."

Mary rubbed her arm. "All I ever did was trying to protect you," she said, smiling wearily. "As any good mother would do, I assure you."

"But our father, will he ever track us down?" Oliver asked as Erin walked back to sit down again.

"No sweetie, that is impossible. There is only one man in Britain who knows of our being here, and he has reassured Roberto that he has not informed anyone about that and will continue to do so in the future. So if there ever was a place to be safe, it's here."

"Well, thank Merlin for that," Oliver heaved a sigh in relief. "Because if I were to miss the Quidditch match against the Chupacabras next week, I would _die_!"

He was being serious, but Mary and Erin laughed anyway. They continued to look at the photos in the album in the next few hours and Mary shared a couple of nice stories about her friends (like when James went a great deal to impress Lily at Valentine's Day that ended in her spraining her ankle instead) before she sent the children to bed with the final note that if they ever had more questions about her and Sirius, they should ask her, crossing her fingers behind her back as she made a mental note to never tell them that he also sent a group of Death Eaters after her and Erin.

Afterwards, Mary cleaned up the kitchen and put the photo album back in its kitchen cabinet. She realized that for the first time in months, she was smiling. Probably just because she was relieved about finally having told (part of) the truth to Erin and Oliver, she reasoned before heading over to the bedroom. Still, she thought as she crawled into bed, it felt good to smile, and she planned to do it more often from now on. Little did she know that one day soon, something was about to happen that would change the course of her life forever.

**- End of Update -  
**  
_Song from the title: World Spins Madly On (The Weepies)_

_* _For the record: it's not my intention to hurt any homosexuals with that comment, it was just a joke. And Mary _was_ the last girl Jonathan dated before he crossed over to the other side, haha.


	20. Nineteen: Over My Shoulder

**Author's Note**: Here's the chapter you've all been waiting for: Sirius's return. Hope you guys are going to enjoy this…. *grins*

**Dedication**: To everyone who's brought up the patience to "bear with me" through the Sirius-less part. Thanks for sticking with me!

**Disclaimer**: I wish…

**Nineteen: Over My Shoulder*******

There were only two thoughts on Sirius's mind when Buckbeak had started to descend from the sky and he could finally see the sandy outline of an elongated shore, indicating that they were getting closer to their final destination. One: Brazil did not nearly turn out to be as tropical as Sirius had thought. On his exhausting four days journey across the Atlantic Ocean, he had encountered several downpours and even a minor hurricane; the only thing that had kept him going was the prospect of launching on a particular sunny beach.

However, on the night he would be reaching the "promised land", it was drizzling with rain that made him shiver severely as the water was soaking his heavy robes and the Azkaban suit underneath, and all he wanted to do was to get inside and warming up under a thick and fuzzy blanket. The thought that, preferably, this would take place in the company of Mary wasn't helping.

The second thought occurred when Buckbeak landed on what seemed to be a deserted part of the shore line and Sirius jumped of its back and landed in the calm and – surprisingly- not so cold sea. The low waves splashed over his shoes, soaking the last part of his body that had remained dry. Sirius quickly stepped onto dry land and scanned his surroundings. It was a dark night and the sky was cloudy, so he couldn't use the light of the moon and stars to navigate. Not for the first time he found himself wishing for a wand. But in the far distance, among those palm trees, he could make out the lights of what looked like houses. Sirius hesitated. He wanted nothing more than to get to Mary and Erin, but something told him it wouldn't be wise to walk inside uninvited. Dumbledore said he would warn her on time, but how would he, Sirius, know of she already knew he was coming?

No, it was best to lay low for another few days, ensuring Mary would have learned of his coming to Brazil by _then_. In the meantime he and Buckbeak would remain invisible and explore the ranch in order to find out what this place was about. Sirius beckoned Buckbeak and moved in the opposite direction of the illuminated houses; crossing the beach as soon as possible towards the nearest forest. He and the Hippogriff had only just reached the border of the trees when Sirius realized he had made the right decision; merry voices made him stop in his tracks and turn around.

A couple emerged from a path on the other side; the man laughed and the girl giggled while holding hands as they were heading out to the beach. The grim weather didn't seem to bother them in the very least; the man lifted the woman in his arms and allowed her to wrap her legs around his waist. He carried her all the way to the shoreline where he gently dropped her in the sea, although their bodies remained close to each other. For a moment, Sirius's heart constricted with fear; what if that woman was Mary and he was about to witness her getting it on with another man? But then, luckily the moon broke through the clouds for a few seconds, and he could see this girl's hair was blonde, not brown. That, and she appeared a lot smaller than Mary would have been. Slightly smiling to himself, Sirius tucked and Buckbeak's rope and disappeared in the darkness of the forest, leaving the couple to whatever they were up to in peace.

Sirius was extremely tired, but he forced himself to keep going until he found a cave or some other kind of shelter to hide. Eventually however, their persistence was rewarded, for Sirius stumbled onto a distant and - by the looks of it - deserted cabin. It was a total mess inside, but there was a bed (for him) and a pile of old blankets in a corner of the living room (for Buckbeak). No longer caring about whether he might be discovered, Sirius kicked off his damp robes and buried himself among his own pile of blankets. Soon, he was fast asleep and knew no more.

* * *

Whether the cabin was really deserted or it had just been sheer dumb luck, no one came looking for him, which gave Sirius the opportunity to transform into Padfoot and explore the grand landscape surrounding the cabin. In the following days he learned that the ranch Mary and Erin lived on was huge, possibly twice the size of Hogwarts. The fields and woods belonging to its owner stretched out over countless acres and was home to herds of cattle and even a few Magical Creatures. The fences had made Sirius realise he was staying close to the border where no one else seemed to live, which was probably for the best. The hunger however was driving him mad. The food in the forest was scarce and he didn't dare to catch animals often, because that might give him away in the end. Instead, he lived on small creatures such as squirrels and rats (imagining he was having Wormtail for dinner was somewhat comforting) and whatever else he would find in the forest. But Sirius didn't recognize half the fruits and berries he was bringing back, so he made Buckbeak examine the food first. Whatever the Hippogriff decided to eat, was good enough for him.

These days he often found himself thinking of Harry and what the boy would be doing. He knew his godson wanted nothing more for Sirius than to be safe from the Ministry and its Dementors, but Sirius couldn't help but wonder whether that oaf of a Vernon Dursley was still maltreating him. Thinking that Harry deserved so much better, Sirius made himself promise that he would return home the minute his godson needed him, regardless of what was going on with him. He was all the only real family Harry had left after all.

* * *

It had been a week since Sirius set foot on Brazil and by now he pretty much knew the ranch by heart. He had learned most of the people on the ranch lived in the North-East, close to a nearby village and right next to the fields of magical herbs they, Sirius assumed, used for their special Potions. The stables and the nearing fields of the cattle on the other hand was situated in the South and, bearing Mary's poor talent in brewing Potions in mind, he reasoned that's where he might find her, although he had not spotted her yet. There weren't that many people working the fields to begin with, and Sirius wondered where they had gone. A ranch like this obviously didn't run itself.

He would find out the next day when he was wandering around the edge of his forest and a particular hilly field. It was a cold, but remarkably sunny day and he was about to pluck some blue berries from a bush when the sounds of an animal in need made him look around. He frowned and listened; the sound seemed to come from across the fence. After a moment of hesitation and attentively checking if no one was around, Sirius got to his feet and walked down the hill until he reached the source of the sound: a young calf lay near the fence and was crying out in agony. And for good reason, since a long piece of barbed wire had twisted its way around the calf's neck and legs. He kneeled down beside it and put a hand on the bloody fur, but as a result the calf was kicking out its legs even more.

"Shhh," Sirius tried again before trying to remove the barbed wire by hand, but failing miserably. He had cut himself and the restless calf was only getting more trapped within the wire. It was useless: without a wand he could do nothing to help it.

Then, the sudden sound of an approaching horse was making Sirius jump up in shock. He ran back to the border of the forest and disappeared in the safety of the trees. He watched from under a tall bush and saw a tanned man wearing a brown cowboy hat jump off his white horse. He kneeled down in the exact same spot Sirius had been only seconds ago to look at the wounded animal. For a moment nothing could be heard than the calf's agonizing cries, but then Sirius noticed that another horse was galloping down the slope. He got up straight and watched the horse as it slowed down and then came to a halt where the cowboy was examining the calf.

Sirius's heartbeat slowed down as if it suddenly were in slow motion and then seemed to forget to beat altogether; it might have been thirteen years, but he would recognize that silhouette anywhere. He forgot about staying hidden and silently watched Mary dismounting her horse and leaving it to graze as she walked over to the other man. She was every bit as beautiful as he remembered; from where he was standing she did not seem to have aged a day since he last saw her. She was not wearing robes, but a faded blue jeans and a chequered blouse. Only part of her brown curls were emerging from under a white hat. Her hair was still lengthy, though not as long as it once used to be.

Sirius pondered whether he would risk getting closer to them – that male cowboy may not be as hospitable as she would be – but eventually his curiosity got the better of him and he moved to a closer tree that allowed him to hear them talk. The man was muttering something in a language Sirius could not understand, but eventually he switched to English. "That's the sixth one already," he sighed while trying to keep the panicking calf down with his knees. "Hush now, hush…"

"Have you tried freeing him?" Mary asked.

The man answered, but Sirius couldn't hear a word; the sound of Mary's voice was sending shivers down his spine. He had not realized how much he was missing her until this very moment. The thought of finally learning that she and Erin had not been killed by Death Eaters was one thing, seeing her in the flesh and hearing her talk was something else. Sirius licked his dry lips; his longing to get closer to her was increasing by the minute. Several days passed since he had left England; surely Dumbledore's owl would have reached Mary by now? He made up his mind right then and there: he was going to find her cabin tonight, when she was alone. For now though, he had to remain hidden. Sirius crouched down and watched Mary and the man from around his tree.

The man had gotten to his feet and used his wand to free the calf from the barbed wire before kneeling back down. He swore in the other language and Mary frowned at him. "How's he doing, Sayid?"

"Not good", the man called Sayid replied. "Look at her eyes; they're white all around. I don't know if… Would you have a look?"

"I'm not sure if that would do any good. I don't know the first thing about Healing cattle..."

"But you are a Healer. Examining the calf is the least you can do."

Mary took off her hat – Sirius couldn't help but notice the wind playing with her curls – and crouched down next to the (still squirming) animal. After watching her for a minute, Sayid lost his patience. "And? Will she make it if we take her home?"

"She's already dying, and I think she'll be too far gone before we get there," Mary said, shaking her head as she got back up.

Sayid swore again and reached for his wand. "I hate it when this happens," he muttered. Mary turned away when he aimed his wand straight at the calf. "_Avada Kedavra_."

There was a bright flash of green and then: nothing. The horses in the back jerked up their heads and the brown one, Mary's horse, was whinnying nervously. Sayid stared at the remains of the calf in silence before hooking his wand back onto his belt. "So now what?" Mary asked, watching him doing this. "Do you want to vanish the corpse?"

"Nah," Sayid replied, "Let nature run its course."

After taking one last look at the calf, he sighed and started to walk back to his horse. Mary watched him, biting her lip, before saying: "I'm sorry, Sayid," as he passed her.

"Whatever," he replied while mounting his horse. "I'll tell you one thing, though: three cows in one day. That is _way_ too much, even for a Big Move like this. To be honest, I have no idea how Fabio used to get them all over there safely."

And without another word, he pulled his horse around and galloped straight up the slope to where, Sirius assumed, the rest of the herd was. Mary watched him disappear over the hill before briefly whistling at her horse, who walked over to her at once. "Sorry Gus," she said while fondly stroking the horse's manes. "I know how you've never gotten used to us using the Killing Curse."

She was just mounting the horse when Sirius took a small step backwards, snapping a twig with his feet. Mary jerked up her head and squinted into the forest he was hiding. And Sirius did not know why, but he just knew this was not the right time to reveal himself. He instinctively transformed into his dog form and hid among a couple of stingy bushes, right when Mary was driving her horse close to the edge of the trees. She was attentively glaring into the darkness, but seeing that as Snuffles, he was as dark as its environment, she could not see him. From up close she looked all the more beautiful, and Sirius had to force himself to stay down. The only thing that was keeping from showing himself was the thought that very soon, he _would_ be holding her in his arms again. For a moment he feared Mary might ride into the forest, but eventually she lost interest, pulled her horse around and galloped off. Realizing the best chance of finding her house on the ranch was to follow her, he would soon get back into his dog form and follow her horse's tracks. But first, he was having veal for lunch.

* * *

Later that day, when the sun was about to set, Sirius (as Snuffles) arrived on the part of the ranch where most of the people lived. There was one big house with many smaller cabins surrounding it, some located near the ocean and others hidden among the trees. In a way it was reminding him of a Muggle vacation camp** Andromeda and Ted had once taken him to when he was younger, but these houses seemed a lot more authentic. Part of the beach had been turned into a Quidditch field; a group of seven boys and three girls was in the middle of a game while they were being cheered by the rest of the boys and girls on the beach.

Sirius slowly moved towards the group and decided to hide out in the bushes right next to the path that led to the Qudditch field. For a moment he merely enjoyed himself by watching the game while pondering over the time when he and James in particular had been stars of the Gryffindor Team. Trying to come up with the best strategy to flatten Slytherin; that all seemed so far away now. James had obviously passed on his Quidditch talent to Harry, but Sirius feared that Erin – if she had been raised by her mother - probably wasn't that into sports to begin with. But maybe he could persuade her to play a game with him later on after all.

Sirius let his eyes wander over the group watching the game. It was a bunch of kids with a wide variety of nationalities; he realized that Dumbledore had not been kidding when he said this ranch was a place for refugees from all over the world. His eyes suddenly rested on a girl with dark brown hair who was sitting on the edge of the bench. She swayed her legs back and forth as she was watching the game. There was just something really familiar about her. Then, as someone was calling her name, she turned back and jumped off the edge. "Mum!"

The girl headed over to a woman who was walking down the path. Sirius's mind was slowly catching up with him when the approaching woman turned out to be Mary, this time wearing a flowery dress and high heeled sandals. That could only mean that this girl was…

"Erin, didn't you hear me before?" Mary asked. "I've been calling you for minutes. Dinner's ready."

"No sorry. And you should tell him that," Erin replied, pointing at the sky. "He's been up there for hours."

Mary groaned. "My throat's all sore from the constant yelling. Maybe I'd better use _Sonorus_ next time. See if that _will_ reach your ears."

She and Erin closely passed Sirius on their way to the field, and this time his eyes were glued to his daughter's back. He couldn't believe himself for not having recognized her at once. He may not have seen her since she was a baby girl, but Erin was every bit his daughter as he could have hoped for. She looked just like Mary had done at this age; slim, and her arms and legs seemed too long for the rest of her body. Her hair was a lot darker and straighter than her mother's (possibly his influence?) and the shape of her face had all the characteristics of a Black, although her nose was still identical to Mary's, meaning it had a rounder shape. Sirius only realized he had been following them automatically when the ground among his paws was sand instead of leaves. He hastily jumped back in the bushes before continuing to listen to Mary and Erin, who were both bellowing a name. "Oliver!" his daughter cried loudly.

"Oliver, get down here right this second!" Mary called, adding some authority to her voice.

"Oliver" turned out to be one of those boys playing Quidditch. After another moment of cries, he finally zoomed down and made a smooth landing right in front of them. "What's the matter?"

"Dinner's ready. I've been calling you for ages by the way," Mary said. "Didn't you hear me?"

"Er…" The boy called Oliver said. "Well, uncle Jon told us to really focus on the game, you know? And then the crowd got really loud at times-"

"Crowd? What crowd?" Erin noted teasingly.

"Shut up, sis," Oliver hissed, glaring at Erin.

Sirius's dazed mind only got a second to process that last confusing bit of information – why was this boy Oliver calling Erin his sister? – before Mary's reprimanding voice pulled him back to the present. "I told you: no Quidditch after sunset. And what's that above your eyebrow?"

Oliver's hand flung to his brow. "Oh, this thing? Just a scratch."

"It looks like a lot more than a scratch to me." Mary pulled the boy closer to examine his eyebrow and sighed. "We'll fix this at home, but Oliver, one of these days I'll simply put a bandage on a wound instead of healing it. Got that?"

"Yeah, yeah…" the boy muttered as they started to walk off. "Hey, I was wondering," he said brightly in order to change the subject. "Should I leave my old Quidditch bat with dad when we visit him? I think he might like that."

Erin snorted. "Sure, I bet he will. Dead men really love their Quidditch attributes, don't they?"

"Erin," Mary reprimanded.

"What, he _is_ dead, isn't he?"

"Yes, but I think it's a really nice gift. Of course you can do that, Oliver, and-"

_Snap!_ That was the second time Sirius, still following them through the grass, was stepping onto dry branches and snapping them in half. Instinctively he crouched down to remain from view, but through the grass he could still see that Mary was walking straight towards him. And this time, she was keeping her wand at the ready. "Mum?" Erin asked hesitantly, looking confused while Oliver was also frowning at Mary. She was now standing right in front of him as she squinted into the group of tall trees. If she so much as looked down at the floor… Then, thankfully, Erin suddenly came to his rescue. "Mum, what are you doing?" she repeated while pulling her mother on the arm.

"Nothing," Mary replied after shooting one last thorough look into the forest. "It's just… Earlier today I thought I saw… But no, that's not possible," she said while shaking her head as if telling herself to be sensible. "Alright then," she continued in a much merrier voice. "Let's go home and eat, shall we?"

And she followed Erin and Oliver home without looking back again. Sirius knew this for a fact, because he had been watching her back the entire time. He waited just long enough to see Mary and the children disappear in the big house before he disappeared back into the forest while trying to understand what had just happened. Who was this kid Oliver and why in the name of Merlin was he living with Mary? In some weird way he had looked just as familiar as Erin had seemed before, but the boy had been talking about a father, although this mystery man appeared to be dead. Sirius could not make any sense of it, but after another hour of thinking it over, he came to the conclusion that Oliver, like Harry, was probably an orphan and Mary, generous of heart by nature, was taking care of him. Any other thought seemed ridiculous to his own ears.

* * *

Either way, Sirius had not changed his mind about revealing himself to Mary later that night. He spent the next few hours by circling the big house (still as Snuffles) and waited until most of the people had left the place to go home. He did see Erin and the boy Oliver again when they finally walked out of the house. It was already late and Mary wasn't with them, so they were joined by this tall and well-groomed man. He was of about the same age as Mary and Sirius was sure he recognized him from somewhere, although he could not quite place him. Azkaban was still messing with his memory at the best of times.

Sirius waited until the man and the children had disappeared into the night and then, after ensuring that there were no other people in the house any longer, he moved to the window of the only room where the lights were still on. By leaning his front paws on the window sill, Sirius was just tall enough to look inside. The room appeared to be a study area; with comfortable-looking arm chairs, a tall bookcase in the corner and there was a happily crackling fire in the fireplace. There was only one person in the room, who (to his relief) turned out to be Mary, reflected by the light coming from the fire and an oil lamp on the desk. She was sitting on the desk, hunched over a pile of newspapers and writing down something on a piece of parchment with a bright blue quill. She then picked up a letter that bore – from where Sirius could see it – the dark red candle-grease and stamp of Hogwarts and read it with a slight frown on her face. This could only mean one thing: right this very second she was reading Dumbledore's owl and learning that he was coming to Brazil to find her!

His timing could not have been better: feeling slightly smug with himself, Sirius jumped back from the window and, his tail wagging happily, trotted to the front door, which was still open. He walked down to the dark and narrow corridor to where he thought the study room would be before transforming back to his human self. Half-tempted to push open the door and loudly bellowing "Surprise!" as if he would be surprising someone with a birthday party, Sirius restrained himself just on time and opened the door quietly instead. So softly in fact, that Mary did not even seem to notice someone had entered the room. She was still looking at the note and – feeling he didn't have another choice – Sirius did the only thing he thought reasonable in a surreal situation like this: he opened his mouth.

"Hello Mary."

Now, he was aware of his voice and that the sound was a lot hoarser than it used to be. He also considered that he would be surprising her by cornering her like this, but never in a million years had he expected her to react in the way she did. Mary wheeled around so abruptly that some of the newspapers on the desk fell down to the floor and she knocked over the oil lamp in the process. She stared at him with an open mouth, looking absolutely dumbfounded. And not only that, because Mary did not appear to be either happy or relieved. On the contrary, the thing that was shocking Sirius to the very core was the look of utter horror in her eyes.

**-End of Update -**

_*****__ Song from the title: Over My Shoulder by Mike & The Mechanics_


	21. Twenty: Lost?

**Author's Note: **I take it you're all happy that Sirius is back. Don't get too excited, though, because Mary is everything _but_ excited to see him…

**Dedication: **to Spongyllama. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: ***sighs* I wish…

**Twenty: Lost?**

No. No, not _him_. This was not happening. That's all Mary's dazed mind processed when she wheeled around to the hoarse voice that spoke her name and found it had come from her murderous ex-fiancé who was standing in front of her. Bemused, unable to get her act together, let alone make words come out of her mouth, all she could do was stare at a man she thought she would never see again. Yet here he was. _Why?_, immediately shot through her head. Did he come to Brazil to finish whatever he had started all those years ago? And how did he find her?

Noticing she was gazing up at him in utter confusion and shock, Sirius, wearing an unreadable expression in his eyes, repeated calling her name. But Mary still couldn't move; her eyes were glued to his shocking waxen face; a terrifying face she recognized from the front page of the Daily Prophets but had nothing in common with the man she once fell in love with. With the exception of his eyes, that were still the mesmerising grey she remembered, but the gauntness of his face made them appear bigger than they probably were. The intenseness of the way he was glaring at her made it seem like his eyes were positively burning in their sockets. It took Mary another moment to figure out that he looked haunted. Which rather made sense, considering being Voldemorts number one-man would be anything but easy.

Was the Dark Lord behind this after all, then? Had he ordered Sirius to travel to Brazil and finish off his "Mudblood ex-girlfriend and their illegitimate child"? But how would that be possible? The only ones in Britain knowing of her whereabouts were Dumbledore and Hagrid. No matter how she looked at it, this did not make any sense. Sirius shouldn't be here. Still staring up at him in horror, she finally managed to stammer: "It cannot be."

Probably relieved she had finally said something, Sirius took a tentative step towards her. "Mary," he repeated once again while moving his hand to his chest, "it's me."

He took another step forward. Ironically enough, this careful and well-thought movement was the only thing that could have made Mary jump again. "I know who you are!" she called while backing away until her back touched the wood of Roberto's desk and she could not go further. "Why are you here?" she continued, trying to ignore the frightened tremble in her voice as she feverishly felt the desk behind her to get hold of her wand before he would.

Sirius stopped dead, frowning slightly at her. "Isn't that obvious?"

Mary, an uncontrollable shiver running down her back when she heard the hoarse rasp that was now his voice, stared at him, momentarily abandoning her search for the wand. Was he being serious? Could he really act this cool when he had come all the way here to kill her? Apparently he had become even more merciless than she already feared. She'd better locate her wand and quickly, before it was too late. "How did you find us?"

His frown deepened. "Dumbledore's owl should have explained all that."

"What owl?"

"The letter. The note Albus wrote you a week ago to…" Now he was staring at her. "You didn't get it?"

"I don't know what you're talking about. What letter? Did you force Dumbledore to write it? Did you kill him too?"

His stare turned from shock to annoyed disbelief. "Did I do _what_?!"

Where in Merlin's name was her wand? "You heard me," she continued shakily, right before her fingertips finally touched the piece of wood she was looking for. "Aha!" She grabbed the wand right when Sirius stepped forward again and pointed it straight at his heart, making him stop in his tracks. "Stay back! If you dare hurt me or my family, I swear I will…"

She glared at him, almost wishing he would make an unexpected move so that she could curse him, and expected to see a cold blooded rage of evil; only to end up surprised when she noticed the look in his eyes was one of hurt and mere disbelief. "Why are you-?"

"Stay away from me."

He blinked. "Mary, what the hell is going on here? The owl, you should have gotten it by now. Whose letter were you reading earlier?"

Her eyes briefly dropped to the folded parchment on the desk and back. "Earlier? Wh… Were you _spying_ on me?"

She noticed it was taking him a big effort to not roll his eyes at her (which would have angered her even more). "Just answer the question."

Mary thought it was quite ironic for him to demand an answer when she was the one pointing a wand at his chest. Nevertheless, she looked straight at him and said: "It was a note from the ranch owner, giving me and the rest of the staff instructions to keep organized while he's away on business. What's your excuse?"

"My excuse? I've come a very long way to find you."

"Why?"

"Because I-"

"-To kill me? And finally finish what you attempted to do thirteen years ago?"

Sirius did not respond to her last sneer immediately. He remained silent for a moment, merely gazing at her with that strained look in his eyes, a sight that was making Mary uncomfortable. She realized all too well she was getting on his last nerve (and he used to have a rather waspish personality to begin with). Yet she was the one carrying a wand, he was unarmed. Unless Voldemort had taught his pupil to use wandless magic as well? Mary subconsciously intensified her grip before shooting him a defiant glare. "What, lost your tongue? Because if you are, I swear I will take you down before you can get so much as near to me or my children."

Sirius's eyes appeared to be burning in his face. "I've been on this ranch for over a week. Trust me, if I wanted to attack you, I would have done it already. How can you possibly think I would ever try to hurt you, or Erin?"

Mary made a scornful sound. "Well, let's just say Dumbledore did not send us to Brazil on the same night James and Lily were murdered for nothing."

"What? No listen, Mary," Sirius said urgently. "Dumbledore already knows he was wrong about that, OK? They all were. I had nothing to do with that!"

"You may not have actually killed them yourself, but any reasonable wizarding court would banish you to hell for a low betrayal like yours."

Sirius turned away and stared out of the window and, for a moment, his mind seemed to be a million miles away. "I made a huge mistake," he said quietly. "And I'll have to live with the consequences of that for the rest of my life. But I'd rather died myself than ever betray them. Betray _you_."

Mary groaned in frustration and suppressed anger. "Oh, cut the crap, Sirius! You alone could have betrayed James and Lily. You were their Secret-Keeper."

Sirius turned back and glanced at her. "No, I wasn't."

He actually sounded sincere, and before that fateful Halloween she would have believed without a second thought. But now it was only frustrating to find that part of Mary desperately _wanted_ to believe him, even though she realized he had always been a perfect liar. Mary thought of Lily and James and immediately felt a fresh wave of anger was over her. "You were!" she cried. "Stop denying it, I know all about it. Dumbledore told me so himself. You, and you alone, were the spy; the one who betr-"

"-ENOUGH!"

The thing Mary had been dreading the past few minutes finally happened: Sirius lost his patience. "That's because I _lied_ to him: the whole act was a farce!" he yelled. "James and I thought this would be the only way to keep us all safe," he continued, taking another step towards her, and somehow Mary lacked the strength and persuasion to stun him at once. The things Sirius just said weren't making any sense: there had been a plan? What plan? How could James possibly have known about the betrayal?

Sirius must have been reading the confusion on her face, because his rage subsided somewhat when he continued: "Dumbledore was convinced you still had faith in me, whereas others did not. But here you are, and you seem to be hating me as much as the next person. I'm curious, what changed?"

Mary stared at him, surveying that waxen face full of suppressed anger, while countless thoughts haunted her mind. There were about a million things she wanted to know, most questions starting with – why -. Why did you betray your best friends? Why did you cross over to the Death Eaters when you'd loathed those people and their ideas your entire life? Why did you leave _me_? However, the thing she was most anxious to find out was the one reason that had made her lose faith in him after all. And that question did not contain the word "why". She took a deep breath, forced herself to look in his eyes (his only feature that still resembled the old Sirius) and whispered: "How did you escape Azkaban?"

He silently watched her for a moment before opening his mouth, and then closing it again. Mary sniffed and nodded slowly. "That's what I thought. Now just go away."

"No wait," Sirius said quickly. "I just… I didn't expect this question from you. I thought you were one of the few who would know how I did it."

She let out a mirthless laugh. "Oh please, know what exactly? That you had to turn to dark magic to defeat the Dementors?"

"Dark magic?? Are you mad?!"

"Then how _did_ you do it?"

Sirius stared at her as if she had lost her mind. "I transformed! One night I turned into Padfoot and slipped past them when they opened my cell to bring food. I made it out of the castle, jumped into the sea and swam all the way to shore as a dog. _That's_ how, and if you ever truly knew who I was and loved, you would have known that "dark magic" isn't in my vocabulary."

Mary, who had been trying to imagine a scruffy black dog running past the prison cells while being chased by angry Dementors, glared up at him in annoyance. "Oh, really? Then tell me something, Sirius: if you've always known you could escape as Padfoot, then why wait all those years to do it?"

He glared back at her, his fists clenched by his side, and his grey eyes turned a shade darker before becoming expressionless; it were those familiar roll-down shutters that were coming down once again and hiding his true feelings from view. Mary already knew he was never going to tell the truth when he finally opened his mouth to speak: "That doesn't matter right now."

Mary glared at him. He was _unbelievable_! She momentarily considered hitting him a black eye instead of cursing him before forcing herself to calm down. She needed to stay focused. "Fine, let me rephrase that final part, then: what made you want to escape after all those years?"

Sirius appeared more at ease with that question. He slowly reached into his dirty robes and got out a crumpled piece of paper, which he smoothed flat and handed to her. Mary glanced at what appeared to be some kind of holiday picture of a family in Egypt. None of the people on it seemed familiar. "What's this about?"

"Do you see the rat on Ron's shoulder?"

She looked up, frowning. "Ron who?"

"The tall boy in the middle of the photograph, who's embracing his little sister? Do you see the rat?"

Mary, who was starting to think Sirius was tricking her into something – this photograph could be jinxed after all – grudgingly looked back at the piece of paper and indeed spotted a small rat on the boy's shoulder. "What about it?"

"That's Peter. Don't you recognize him?"

She looked up again, this time convinced that Sirius had lost his mind in Azkaban after all, and shot him an incredulous look. "I beg your pardon?"

Sirius groaned and shook his head. He started pacing the room while muttering to himself, and Mary couldn't help but notice how extremely thin he was. "She hasn't seen Wormtail that often, so it makes sense that she wouldn't know what he looks like, but there must be something to make her see-"

"-Sirius,"

"-Maybe I can get a Pensieve and show some of my happy memories with Wormtail… That is if I still have any…"

"Sirius," Mary repeated. For some weird reason he didn't seem that threatening anymore now she knew he was obviously insane. "Peter died."

Sirius stopped in his tracks. "What?"

"Peter Pettigrew is dead," she said in a slow and clear voice, as if explaining to a confused toddler where his teddy bear had gone to. "You killed him on the day of your arrest, the morning after James and Lily died."

"No, I didn't! Mary, you have to listen to me: Pettigrew is still very much alive. He is the rat in that photo!"

"How can you know that for sure?"

"Look at his front paw. He's got a toe missing."

Mary glanced back the photo and established that, indeed, the rat was a missing a toe. But so what if it did? "I can't see why that has anything to do with it."

Sirius moved so quickly that Mary couldn't have acted if she wanted to: he was standing right in front of her in two seconds and grabbed her shoulders; it was the first time he touched her after all those years and even though she didn't want him to, her body still remembered his touch and sent shivers running down her spine. If Sirius had noticed anything, he surely didn't act like he did. Or maybe he simply had other, more urgent, matters in mind. "It has got _everything_ to do with it," he hissed through gritted teeth. "When I cornered Peter that morning after Voldemort killed James and Lily, he cut off his own finger before blowing up the entire street, and thirteen innocent bystanders along with it. He had long transformed and sped down into the sewer with the other rats by the time I was arrested."

Mary stared at him, although she wasn't quite sure she was seeing his face properly. Her mind was whizzing forward and back with all the information she was trying to take in. Sirius's story sounded nothing less than absurd, but then a rather disturbing fact from Peter's death came back to her. "And all they could find of Peter…" she whispered, dropping her wand to the floor when something in her mind finally clicked.

"Was his finger," Sirius finished with a flourish. "I'm not the traitor, Mary. I wasn't even Secret-Keeper, Pettigrew is. The little rat framed me for the betrayal on James and Lily."

She clapped her hand to her mouth and stared back at him with big eyes. "Oh God…"

One of his claw-like hands was still resting on her shoulder and he was watching her closely when he finally asked: "_Now_ do you believe me?"

Mary could say nothing at all for a moment; this was way too much to take in all at once. Despite what everyone – Dumbledore, Fabio, Jonathan and everyone else around here – had been telling her all those years, she had been right about Sirius all along. He was not the vicious murderer who wouldn't think twice of betraying her and his best friends in one night, or even a Death Eater: Peter Pettigrew was the traitor! Sirius was innocent, had escaped Azkaban as a dog instead of turning to dark magic and had suffered a great deal over many years; not only did he have to live with the decision to make Peter Secret-Keeper, he probably felt terribly guilty over losing her and Erin as well.

She suddenly felt an enormous urge to hug Sirius and looked up; that's when she noticed he was still watching her with an urgent and questioning look in his eyes and realized she had not answered his question yet. Still speechless and unable to say she believed him, she merely nodded instead, and from what she could decipher from the expressionless mask that was Sirius's face, Mary thought she was detecting a smile. But right when she was about to raise her hand and stroke his cheek, Sirius suddenly got up straight and nodded curtly. "Good," he said shortly. "Now what I like to know is why the hell you left England."

Mary, bemused and slightly taken aback by this sudden change of mood, frowned at him. "If you've been to Dumbledore like you say you are, you already know that it was he who sent me here."

"Right, right… Well, I'm not buying that. You see, the Mary I knew didn't like being told what to do. Especially not when she's just found out about the death of her best friends and possible betrayal of her boyfriend."

"Perhaps… But then you of all people should know how convincing Dumbledore can be when it comes to situations like these. And I was utterly confused, Sirius… I mean, how would you react if you were told _I_ had betrayed Lily and James?"

Sirius snorted. "I'd think they had lost their heads."

"Exactly," she nodded. "So, when Dumbledore continued pressing that taking care of Erin was now my prior concern, I obeyed."

"And he sent you to this tropical paradise? Merlin, what a nightmare that must have been."

His obvious sarcasm was totally rubbing her the wrong way. "How dare you! You have _no_ idea what it's been like for me."

"Can't been half as bad as Azkaban, now can it?"

Mary glared at him. "There may not be Dementors here to haunt your memories and dreams, but it hasn't all been rainbows and butterflies for me either."

Sirius snorted and shot her a wicked grin that did not quite reach his eyes. "Sure it's not, but after whatever "ordeal" you've been through, you simply tie up a hammock between two palm trees, have a nice coconut-cocktail and watch the sunset."

"Stop it, that's not funny!"

"It most certainly is not!" Sirius yelled back. "I've been in _hell_ while you were prancing about on a tropical beach."

"Prancing ab- If you had any idea what I've been through-"

"I know what I have been through; I was thrown into Azkaban. _Azkaban_, Mary, and where were you?"

"I was having daily covers of the Daily Prophet to remind me of that," Mary countered angrily, but she wasn't sure Sirius was even hearing her.

"You left me."

"Not by my own choice! I'm telling you, it was Dumbledore who-"

"You left when I needed you the most!"

Mary had trouble believing her own ears; Sirius was acting like all of this was her fault when, sure enough, without his stupid master plan to save the world, she would never even have heard from a place like Rancho Borboleta. "I only left because of Erin," she said, her voice trembling with suppressed anger. "To keep her safe. I couldn't care less if those Death Eaters would get me after all, but I did what you made me promise you that night in St. Mungo's."

She had expected Sirius would calm down slightly after that statement, but it only seemed to anger him even more. "IF I DIED!" he roared, seething with rage. "NOT AFTER I GOT TOSSED INTO AZAKABAN FOR A CRIME I DID NOT COMMIT!"

"Hang on a minute, you act like all of this is my fault?! Let's be honest, Sirius: I wouldn't even be here if it weren't for you."

"That's ridi-"

"Is it? _Is_ it? If you wouldn't have left dinner early that night, if you hadn't acted like you were James and Lily's Secret-Keeper to begin with… That would have made all the difference in the world, and you know it."

"If's aren't going to change anything."

"No, they won't. Besides, you've made perfectly clear how you feel about me. And I've had enough of that, of you. I'm leaving, and if you ever as much _think_ of coming over to my house, I will curse you into oblivion before you've even properly introduced yourself."

Sirius stared at her, his fathomless expression once again making shivers run down her spine while she was crouching down to retrieve her wand, but he did not say anything again, and Mary felt like she should be even more clear with him. "I'm serious. Ever try and get close to me or my children again and you will regret it," she said before immediately disapparating with a loud pop, realizing that for once, she actually meant it.

**- End of Update -  
**  
_Song from the title: __Lost?__ by Coldplay (beautiful piano version without that stupid Jay-Z messing it up ;P )_


	22. TwentyOne: The Difference

**Author's Note: **Time to get back into Sirius's pov and see how he handles the situation. Not very well, I suppose…

**Dedication: **To GiddyGirlie, who by the way should totally update, and littlefoot1394. I love to see new faces, welcome!

**Disclaimer:** Ehm…

**Twenty-One: The Difference***

"That didn't go well," Sirius thought, feeling bemused as he witnessed Mary disapparating to, what he assumed, her house. The home she had just banished him from for good, even though he had never even been there. He felt confused; on one hand he was seething with anger that she had left in the middle of an argument, but on the other, it was impossible to deny that Mary had been right about one crucial bit. _"If you hadn't acted like you were James and Lily's Secret-Keeper to begin with…"_ That _would_ have made a difference, but even though he would give anything to change things, there was nothing he could do. You can't change the past…

Sirius ran a hand through his untidy hair before he sighed and stared into the dark night outside. At least he was alone in the house; nobody aside from Mary knew he was here. But how long would it take her to warn other people? If she really didn't want him near, like she said, all she had to do was to raise the alarm, and he'd be done with. It didn't take Sirius much longer to realize that he had to confront her again and soon, before it would be too late. Though it might be better to wait one night and catch her on a time she wouldn't be too prepared for him. He had not forgotten that Mary always stayed true to her word, and he had no intention in being cursed by his ex.

Finally making up his mind, Sirius transformed into Padfoot and trotted past the door and through the long dark corridor. He could swear he saw the silhouette of a teenage boy in the kitchen on the way out, but he was beyond caring. He gathered there would be more than one stray dog on a ranch like this. Sirius galloped all the way down to the beach where – after making sure no one was around – he turned back into his human form.

It was a clear night; the light of the moon was casting several narrow rays of blue on the surface of the calm ocean. A peaceful scene, but Sirius had started to feel more restless by the minute. His arrival in Brazil and the reunion with Mary and Erin had not gone the way he had planned. Mary was supposed to jump straight into his arms the minute she saw him. Instead, she thought he had come down to kill her. He still didn't understand what had made her think he was a merciless killer. Well, he now knew it had been his "mysterious" escape from Azkaban, but _why_? She should have known better.

Sirius flopped down on the cool sand, removed his shoes and let the water wash over his dirty feet. At least now Mary knew that he was not guilty of a crime, but what had she done in return? Threatened to jinx him if he ever dared to get near her again. Her _or_ Erin. But that was just plain wrong. How could Mary deny him the right to see his daughter and get to know her again?

He grinded his teeth. If he did nothing, Erin would never know that her father had done everything in his power to keep her and her mother safe. Failed, but at least he had tried. In the wizard society his name may remain slandered forever, but he could still clear it with those he loved. Harry already found out, and Sirius would be damned if Erin did not also learn the truth eventually. After another moment he got back to his feet and headed over to the cabin he and Buckbeak had slept in the last couple of days. It felt good to know what he had to do: tomorrow afternoon, he was going back to Mary's cabin and find Erin, and that was the end of it.

* * *

The next day, it was drizzling. Most people get cranky by the sight of this depressing weather, but not Sirius. He was actually looking forward to confronting Mary again later today. And this time, he would be prepared. On his morning journey for food in the jungle, he had stumbled onto an pack of old clothes. The pants and shirt smelled pretty bad, but most of the stench had disappeared after washing them in the river. The clothes actually fit, which meant Sirius finally could get rid of the Azkaban look. And the best thing was that the pack of clothes also contained an old wand. It took some getting used to, but in the end the wand listened to most of his commands, even though not all of them went as expected. Sirius was just trying to understand why the wand conjured a pot of British marmalade when he had wanted a toothbrush when he froze: there was a quiet rustling sound in the forest. And it was coming his way!

Sirius immediately changed into his dog form and ran into the other direction, crossing his fingers that no one had seen him transform. He galloped all the way down to the region where most of the people of this community lived, including Mary. It was getting late anyway and Sirius would have to find her sooner or later. He slowed down slightly once he got near Mary's cabin. When he was standing in front of the house and had made sure the coast was clear (it was a lucky coincidence Mary lived on the far end of the row), he transformed back to himself, sat down on the first step of the porch to catch his breath and shot a curious look at his surroundings.

He was still in awe with the amazing view on the ocean when he spotted a small creature sitting on top of the porch. Or sitting, the animal was literally stretched out on the wood. Sirius decided to have a look. He noticed the exhausted-looking bird was a tiny owl. An owl carrying a letter on the end of its talon. Sirius frowned and reached for the little note. He hesitated for a moment while imagining Mary's reaction if she knew he was looking through her mail, then shrugged when he realized he couldn't care less. He unrolled the little scroll and immediately recognized Dumbledore's handwriting:

_Dear Mary,_

_A man could never see himself as wise when  
he is incapable of admitting one's mistake._

_You were right all along._

_-Albus_

Sirius frowned. _You were right all along_… Meaning she had believed him to be innocent in the beginning? It must be, that's what Dumbledore had said anyway. But what was that nonsense about admitting mistakes? He snorted. Why was that old man always communicating in riddles? Would he get a kick out of confusing people?

Sirius looked down at the owl, who seemed more dead than alive. He bent down and conjured a small bowl of water and the bird gratefully lowered his beak into it. Sirius was just putting Dumbledore's note next to it when he heard voices in the distance. He quickly hid behind one of the pillars and peeked around the corner. Mary was walking down the path towards the cabin, but she wasn't on her own. She was in the company of a man who looked somewhat familiar. They were chatting animatedly, she was laughing at something the other guy said… Then Sirius's jaw dropped. It couldn't be...

"I'm telling you," Mary was saying. "He loves you."

"That may be, but I've never been with someone this long. How am I supposed to…"

"Just say it back."

"But I don't know how! I can't pop "the words" out of the blue, it's not that simple."

"Then explain that to him," Mary replied patiently. "He's not going to bite you for expressing your feelings."

"Well, I wouldn't mind that actually, when it's done nicely- Arrrrrrghh!"

The man had spotted Sirius, who had come out his hiding place to confirm what his eyes were seeing a while ago and had sat down on the lowest step of the porch. "Black!" he squealed while pointing a trembling hand in his direction. "Sirius Black. Here! On the ranch!"

"Good day, McLaggen," Sirius said calmly, failing in concealing the frustration in his voice. Jonathan McLaggen was living here? _With_ Mary? That git had spent all these years with her on Bounty island while he had been locked up in Azkaban?

Jonathan's eyes were still big as saucers, but Mary was not nearly as shocked. Not that Sirius had expected her to be, but she wasn't pleased to see him either. "I told you to stay away," she said coldly while whipping out her wand and pointing it at him. "I warned you."

"Like you didn't already know I would never listen to any of that."

"No," she replied impassively, although he could also detect a note of - was it sadness? - in her voice. "But I truly hoped that this time, you would. Goodbye Sirius."

But Sirius had already pulled out his own wand and pointed it right back. He ignored the shock in her eyes. "I wouldn't do that if I were you," he replied, grinning wickedly while getting up straight. How good it felt to finally be in charge again.

"Wh-where did you get that?"

"That doesn't matter now."

"Exactly!" Jonathan, finally regaining power of his voice, cried out. "That doesn't matter-" he said while also pointing his wand at Sirius, "-because you're going to tell us how you got here."

He shot a defiant look at Sirius, who calmly looked at Mary in return, as though to say: "Go ahead, you tell him". Slightly to his surprise, she didn't do that. Instead, she turned towards Jonathan. "I'll take care of this. Can you go meet up with Erin and Oliver? Make sure they don't come home for another while."

After repeatedly looking from Mary to Sirius and back, Jonathan slowly lowered his wand. "Are you sure?" he asked while putting a hand on her shoulder. Sirius glared at him; he – unlike Mary – had not forgotten that Jonathan had punched her in seventh year. He could also remember his promise to kill Jonathan should the guy ever try to touch her again, and it looked like they had been doing a lot more. But what was angering him the most, was that Mary did not seem to mind. "I can handle it," she said, shooting a quick smile at Jonathan. "Go!"

Jonathan shot another worried look at Sirius, who was trying hard to keep himself from transfiguring him into a woodlouse, before hurrying off. Mary slowly headed over to Sirius, still pointing her wand ahead. "I'm giving you a second chance here. And I'm only doing it because you didn't betray James and Lily-"

"Oh, that's big of you," Sirius snarled.

"-Leave," she continued like she hadn't heard his interruption. "Go back to England, chase down Peter. Get your revenge. Do whatever you want, but please: leave my family alone."

"Your family, including _McLaggen_?"

She shot him a confused look while lowering her wand. "I'm sorry?"

"McLaggen! Who, in case I need to remind you, beat the crap out of you because you didn't want to date him anymore."

"That was a long time ago."

"I see. And you rewarded the man by taking him back the minute I'm out of the picture? Nice, Mary, really nice."

The bemusement on Mary's face was slowly turning into a grin, which – for obvious reasons – angered him even more, even though he had the courtesy to also lower his wand. "You think I'm with Jonathan?"

"It sure as hell looks like it! But how did he make you change your mind, I wonder… Bully you into marrying him? Hitting you every time things don't go his way?"

"Hitting me? My God, Sirius. The last time I saw Jonathan smack someone was when someone tried to snatch his new Fendi bag at a fashion conference."

The wind was instantly taken out of Sirius's sails. "Huh?"

Mary rolled her eyes. "Jonathan's _gay_, Sirius."

"What?"

"He likes men! Always has, that's why he was unhappy with me – and any girl for that matter. He's gay; it's the main reason he left England. His father couldn't deal with his son being a homosexual. He sent an assassin after Jonathan."

"Oh." Sirius could still remember the stiff Mr. McLaggen; he and his wife would sometimes come over for tea at Grimmauld Place when he was younger. Sirius had always thought McLaggen's father looked like someone you certainly did not want to cross. It didn't seem unlikely he had wanted his son dead for being different than was supposed "normal" in an old pureblood family like the McLaggens. Sirius's mind got pulled back to the present when Mary was brushing past him. "_Alohomora_. Now please go," she said, almost pleadingly, when the door opened.

He took two steps towards the owl on the porch and picked up Dumbledore's note from the floor. "You've got mail," he said simply, holding out the letter to her.

Mary's gaze flicked from the owl on the floor to the note in his hands. "You've read my mail?"

"And what if I did? Besides, this concerns me anyway."

After another moment of hesitation, Mary took a step forward and snatched the note from his hands. Her eyes skimmed the parchment; her face remained impassive and after another moment, she crumpled it to one piece and dropped it to the floor. "Well?" Sirius demanded.

"Nothing I didn't already know," she replied coolly before heading inside.

"Yeah? Then what's with the "you've been right all along"-bit?" he asked, quickly following her and closing the door behind him.

Mary watched him do this with a frown on her face; yet she didn't seem to have the intention to curse him. Yet. "What did I say about leaving me alone?"

"If you'll answer my questions, the sooner I'll leave," he replied while looking around the house. Mary's cabin was rather small, but clean, well-kept and it made him feel right at home. Although he wasn't ready to admit it, this was probably because the room was similar to the house where he and Mary had lived in London. The dark blue curtains (which matched the pillows on the couch perfectly), the wooden case full of books on Healing and the vase of flowers on the kitchen table: the interior had Mary written all over it.

When Sirius looked back at her, he realized she was still contemplating his last proposal. Perhaps it would be fair to announce that he had no intention of leaving before he seeing Erin. He was just opening his mouth when Mary sighed. "Fine. The night Lily and James were killed and Albus first told me of your betrayal, I… Well, I tried convincing him that you'd never do such a thing. He refused to change his mind of course, so right before he made me travel to Brazil, I made him promise that if he ever realized he was wrong to believe you were the traitor, he would tell me "I had been right all along"." She shrugged as she stopped pacing and paused in front of the bookcase. "That's what the note is about. Although Albus had better warned me about the total arse you've become."

She shot him a defiant glare, as though taunting him was making her feel good (and maybe it did), but for some weird reason, it was making him laugh instead. "Courtesy of Azkaban, love," he grinned before bowing in a formal way, like an old-fashioned servant would do.

At first he thought Mary was getting angry with him, but then her eyes suddenly softened before she actually burst out laughing. It had been thirteen years since he had heard her laugh like that, and only now did he realize how much he had missed it. How much he missed _her_. "Mary, what happened to us?"

"I don't know. You tell me," she replied, still sniggering.

"Maybe we should start over," he continued, more seriously as he walked over to her. "Thirteen years ago I was framed for James and Lily's murder by our mutual friend Peter, the real traitor. I also thought you and Erin were killed that night, so imagine my relief to find you both alive, and safe. And that I just couldn't wait to- Who's that?"

Sirius had gotten close to the bookcase and his eyes had just fallen on a framed picture – several pictures in fact – of a man with his arms wrapped around Mary. He appeared to be in his early thirties and was hugging her, Erin or the orphaned boy in most of the images. They looked like one of those happy families in a Witch Weekly-special. Mary followed his gaze. "Sirius, there is something you should know…"

"No," he interrupted, waving a dismissive hand. "No. Nononono-NO! You cannot have done- you would never…"

She actually seemed lost for words. "I… Please, you must understand. You were in Azkaban, you would never get out of there again-"

"But I did."

"I know," she said, pushing her hair back from her face. "But I didn't know if I was ever going to see you again and- and I didn't have a choice."

"There's always a choice! First you abandoned me, then you chose to be with this… This surfer dude! What's his name?"

"Fabio," Mary whispered, as if solely calling his name was causing her pain.

"Well, then you can tell this "Fabio" I look forward to meeting him. Meet him and curse his brains out, that is."

"I… I can't."

"Why, afraid the man will chicken out? Cry? Does he even know about me?"

"You can say that again," Mary mumbled before looking up. "I can't tell Fabio you're here."

"And why is that?"

"Because he died little over a year ago."

This would be the time to say "I'm sorry to hear that", but Sirius couldn't get the words out of his mouth. The discovery that Mary had been with someone else – even though the person was dead – was extremely difficult to take in. Somewhere, deep down inside, he knew it was wrong to assume Mary had stayed completely faithful all these years when the chance he would get out of Azkaban was close to zero, but in his heart, it didn't feel that way. In his heart, he was cursing her for getting involved with another man who, another glance at the pictures confirmed his suspicion, looked a lot like him. To Sirius it seemed like Mary had been trying to replace him. "Well," he stated coolly, "that's too bad, cause I would have liked to kill him myself."

She gasped. "How can you even say something like that? If it weren't for Fabio-"

"I don't want to hear it," Sirius said before turning away and heading towards the kitchen.

"If it weren't for him," Mary continued stubbornly when she had followed him and leaned against the sink. "I wouldn't be here."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Of course you wouldn't," he imitated in a sing-song voice after taking a few gulps of water from the tap. "And-"

He stopped when Mary suddenly held up her hand. She looked scared and seemed to be listening to something. When Sirius remained quiet, he could also hear it: voices. And they were approaching fast. "Oh no!" Mary called out. "It's Erin and Oliver. No, no!" she cried out, panicking as she tried to push him out of the kitchen. You need to go, now!"

"No way, I want to see Erin."

She looked horrified. "Do you have _any_ idea what you look like? You'll scare her to death! No, she cannot see you like this. You have to go!"

"What, my clothes are pretty clean! Either way, I'm not going anywhere."

Mary's eyes shot from his determined face to the approaching footsteps and back before she panicked and reached for her wand. "_Tergentio!_" she cried before quickly tapping his teeth and his head in one wand movement.

It felt like she had put him on fire, only this was a fire that didn't hurt. The brief heat was making him glow before Sirius could feel the thick layer of dental plaque that had been building up since the eighties (Azkaban prisoners weren't allowed to brush their teeth) crumble from his mouth. He was still spitting on the floor to get the rest from this mouth when he heard Mary stumble "Oh dear" and the front door opened.

"Mum, we're home!"

In walked the orphan boy called Oliver who loved playing Quidditch and Erin, his daughter. Sirius couldn't help himself; he was staring at her. She was just so beautiful and smart; he had to withhold himself from walking over and hugging her close. Instead, he just grinned at her like a fool. At least, he gathered that's what Erin thought, because she was looking at him with a slight frown on her face. "Er… Who's this?"

"Ehm," Mary said hesitantly as she took one careful step forward. "This is a… an old friend, from England."

"Are you from the Weird Sisters?" Oliver asked.

"What?" Sirius asked, raising his eyebrows at the same time Mary reprimanded Oliver for asking bold questions. This was the moment he slowly turned his head and glanced in the mirror on the kitchen wall. Mary's whitening spell had struck twice; not only did it clean and brighten his teeth to a dazzling white, it also seemed to have cut and bleached his hair and eyebrows into the kind of blonde most of his old flings at Hogwarts used to be. In short: he looked like Lucius Malfoy's ugly step brother. As much as it hurt to look, Sirius could hardly tear his eyes from his reflection. Only when Mary cleared her throat did he manage to turn around and look at her. "This," she was saying, "is er Si- Siddocus White."

"Siddocus?" Oliver repeated incredulously, and even Erin could not suppress a snort. "I'm Oliver, by the way."

"Call me Sid," Sirius said, his fathomless gaze never leaving Mary's, who seemed to be getting more nervous by the minute. "Mary's right. I'm an old… friend from England."

"I'm Erin. If you're from England, you must know Jonathan as well," she said, shooting him a curious look.

Sirius nodded. "Thought I did anyway…"

Mary changed the subject. "Speaking of Jonathan, did you run in on him on the way home?"

"No," Erin replied. "Why?"

"No reason," she answered quickly. "So, what are your plans for the afternoon?"

"Playing Quidditch with the guys," Oliver said, who was already heading over to his room.

"Have you finished all your homework?"

"Yup," he boy said when he came back into view, carrying his broom and – Sirius noticed – a bat. Apparently the boy was a Beater, just like he had been.

"Alright then," Mary nodded. "Don't forget to be at the main house in time for dinner, though."

The boy was already standing in the door opening. "No worries," he told Mary before looking over at him. "Know Quidditch, Sid?"

"I used to play on the Gryffindor House Team."

"Then you should definitely come play with us some time. Should be fun."

"Sure," Sirius nodded, touched by the boy's friendliness, although he did not particularly care at the moment. He was too busy eyeing Erin, who had started to look a little uncomfortable. "Mum," she asked as she fiddled with the handle of her bag, "can I make my Transfiguration assignment with Diego? He said he had time to help me."

"Of course you can, sweetie. Just be at the main house by-"

"-Dinnertime, I know." Erin turned to walk outside before turning back and look at Sirius. "How long will you be staying here?"

He managed to conjure a genuine smile on his face. "I'll be around."

Erin gave a little smile in return. "Adeus."

Sirius just had enough patience to wait until Erin was out of earshot before turning back to Mary with a furious glare. "_Siddocus White_? Are you kidding me?!"

"I had to do something!" she wailed. "But I'll try to do something about the blonde hair soon, I promise. Anyway, they're not ready to meet you. _I'm_ not ready for you to meet them. Not like this."

He looked at her, his brow furrowed. "Does that mean you want her to know me eventually?" he asked, feeling confused. First she didn't want him to see Erin, and now there was a chance she would let him after all? He couldn't quite make her out anymore.

Mary sighed. "Not yet, but… Maybe one day. I don't know. They deserve to know the truth in the end, I suppose."

Sirius frowned. "What do you mean, they?"

She bit her lip, looking uncomfortable. "Look, Sirius-"

"Who is that boy?"

Mary tiredly massaged her temples. "Oliver is my son."

"Your s…" Sirius suddenly wheeled around until his eyes rested on the pictures of Mary's family – minus him. Mary with the other guy. Clearly she wasn't about to tell him that… "The boy," he muttered, "is not an orphan?"

"An orphan? No, he's not. He's my child."

Sirius glared at her. Suddenly everything was catching up with him. Mary had gone to Brazil, met Fabio, fell in love and just forgot all about him. "You went and had a child with this Fabio-dude?"

"Sirius…" She closed her eyes in exasperation, which made him only more furious.

"How much younger than Erin is he?"

"They're one year apart, but Sirius-"

"ONE YEAR?" he roared in sudden anger, oblivious to the fact Mary cringed at the sound of his voice. "_That's_ how long it took you to get over me and jump into the sack with another man? One insignificant little YEAR?"

"Sirius wait, you don't know what you're saying. You've got this all wr-"

But Sirius couldn't listen to anymore of her pathetic excuses. He was feeling so enraged that he wanted to strangle her. He realized he had to get away from Mary, before he would do something he was going to regret. "You disgust me," he growled and turned away, but not before he had seen the hurt in her eyes.

"Well, good for her," Sirius thought, still blazing with anger as he stormed out of the door. He was trying to get away from her as soon as possible, but right when he rounded the corner of the path and transformed into a dog, he heard her yell "You couldn't be any further from the truth!" after him. But not one hair on his scruffy pelt was considering to go back for more.

* * *

The next day Sirius did not leave his cabin at all. The weather might have been bright and sunny, but he stayed inside and fed the bones of a chicken he had eaten a few days earlier to Buckbeak. It felt like he had lost the will to live. The shock that Mary was a mother of another man's child was slowly consuming him from the inside. It wasn't the boy's fault, but at this very moment, Sirius hated Oliver with all his might. Although if he was truly honest with himself, it wasn't just the child that was making him feel this resentful. The simple fact that Mary had built a life with a man that wasn't him was making him feel nauseated with disgust. She belonged with him, and only him. They had figured that out soon enough, even though the war – or perhaps _because_ of the war – had made things different.

What was killing him the most, was Mary had managed to move on without him that soon, whereas he had been rotting away in that godforsaken place. And feeling like he deserved that horrible fate. Sirius sighed for the hundredth time and tried to transfigure his whitish blonde hair to its original state, but he didn't know which spell Mary had used; so far, only a few strings had gone back to black. Some others had turned orange and the rest remained blonde. With a howl of frustration, Sirius tossed the wand against the wall and crawled back into bed. Buckbeak raised his head to see what all the fuss was about, but when his master didn't resurface from under the blankets anytime soon, he contently rested his head on his front talons to take another nap.

Hippogriffs are often praised for their excellent sense of hearing so later that night, Buckbeak was the first one to raise its head to the sound of approaching hoofs. Sirius jumped out of bed and managed to retrieve his wand in the dark. As far as he could tell it was only one horse, but you never know: maybe the local police had been tipped off. He crouched down below the window and glanced through it; the silhouette of the person demounting the horse was definitely female. It didn't take him long to conclude the woman was Mary. Sirius hesitated. She was about the last person in the world he wanted to see, but he suspected she wouldn't leave before she would have her say, so instead, Sirius headed over to open the door before she could have knocked. "What do you want?"

"Can I come in?"

Sirius shrugged and walked to the other side of the room. "How did you find me?"

Mary was still on the doorstep. "Tracking spell. There aren't that many stray dogs around here, so I reasoned I would find you eventually."

"Nice."

"It took me long enough, though."

"Whatever."

From the tone of her sigh, Sirius noticed that Mary was annoyed with him, too. "Look, the reason I've come here is… Are you going to look at me?"

Sirius didn't answer and continued to stare at the window, and after a tense moment of silence, she continued: "On the way down here I've been thinking about what I was going to say. At first, I was just going to blame you for what happened to me - to us. You single-handedly ruined my life by choosing not to confide me in your big plan to save our friends. That's how I felt, and that's how I still feel. But then… Then I started to think about what you have been through. And I wondered, pondered over how in Merlin's name it could have taken you twelve years to find the strength and break out of Azkaban. _Twelve_ years in that hellish place, even though you always had that power to transform into a dog."

Sirius had crossed his arms and didn't move, but he could still hear Mary sigh. "Oh Sirius, it may have taken me some time to figure out, but it all makes so much sense now. You felt like you _deserved_ to be in Azkaban, didn't you? For what happened to Lily and James, for what you thought happened to me and Erin? You were punishing yourself until you discovered Peter was Harry's friend's pet rat and realized there was still something you could do to set things right. Am I close?"

She had hit the nail on the head, but Sirius would rather amputate his little toe with a rusty knife than ever admitting that. So he remained quiet, but he had forgotten that Mary used to know him like the back of her hand as well. "I take that as a yes. Well then, Sirius, I'm sorry. I'm sorry you ever thought you deserved to be in Azkaban. I never would have wanted that for you, and neither did James and Lily, I can assure you they didn't."

Her voice was thickening. "I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you, and I'm sorry you had to go through all of it alone. But I'm not sorry for taking Erin here. I'm not sorry for only doing what you asked me that night in St. Mungo's. Fabio is the main reason I'm alright. Honestly, you have no idea about the state I was in when I got here. I was ready to throw myself off a cliff, and he's saved me in more than one way. And Sirius, most of all, I am not sorry about Oliver. He was an accident, like Erin. And yes, the timing couldn't have been worse, but it felt like the right thing to do. Even though I knew he would have to grow up without ever knowing his real father."

Most of Mary's speech was flying by Sirius in a whirl of incoherent words, but this part stuck with him. What was she talking about? "I didn't jump into a relationship the minute I got here. Far from it. It took me more than four years to get over what happened. And… And Fabio wasn't Oliver's dad, Sirius," she finally answered the question for him. "You are."

Sirius's heart stopped. He had a _son_? Yeah right. Now there's a twist one did not expect. No really, he had trouble believing his ears. Sirius felt like laughing out loud, because he simply did not believe what Mary had just said. In any case, the scenario where she had run off with another guy and got knocked up the moment she arrived in Brazil seemed a lot more plausible.

"Did you hear what I said? Oliver is your son."

Sirius gave a low grunt in return. To his surprise, Mary didn't get angry. Instead, she gave yet another quiet sigh. "I see you need time to digest this, so I'll leave you to it, but... there's one more thing I came to say. I realize we're in a total mess right now and I can't see a way how…" She exhaled, fighting off a clear emotion in her voice. "Merlin, this is hard. Okay, the thing is: I miss you. And even though you're being a total prat right now, I want you to know that I forgive you. I forgive you for everything you did and didn't do. So… Please come back to me."

She had merely whispered the last part and Sirius felt his heartbeat accelerate. These were the words he had longed to hear for so long. He knew this was the moment he should say that it was going to be alright, the moment he would pull her into his arms and kiss her passionately, but for some weird reason, he was unable to move a single muscle. Mary may have forgiven him, but he sure as hell was not ready to do that in return. He doubted he ever would. It was like a Devil's Snare of confused anger had twisted its way around his heart, making it impossible for his real feelings to break out. So instead, Sirius said nothing and did nothing; he just continued to stare out of the window for hours, and when he finally did turn back, Mary had long left her spot by the door. And the thing that was troubling Sirius the most, was that he actually felt relieved.

**- End of Update -  
**  
_* Song from the title: __The Difference__ by Anouk  
_  
I don't normally do this, I seriously (no pun intended ;) ) recommend to listen to this song after or while reading this update. Anouk is a famous Dutch artist and a very good one. This song (in my humble opinion) is one her best to date and it perfectly fits Sirius and Mary and the place they are right now.

All you have to do is go to YouTube and type in "Anouk – The Difference". The lyrics of the song can be found below. Enjoy!

_The words are slowly sinking in  
Despair comes unexpected  
Everything falls out of place  
Now my imagination  
It moves in all directions  
I can only see your face  
Now please don't leave me_

_I'm caught in the middle  
It pulls me down to places no one goes  
So you need to find out  
If there's a chance for us  
What a difference it makes  
Waking up here without you  
Baby, we can make this right_

_Water's so much colder  
I was lasting longer  
Ever since you went away  
Having a different point of view  
It doesn't make it right for you  
To decide that you don't have to stay  
Now please don't leave me_

_I'm caught in the middle  
It pulls me down to places no one goes  
So you need to find out  
If there's a chance for us  
What a difference it makes  
Waking up here without you  
Baby, we can make this right_

_This heart can not erase you  
After years replace you  
Don't you think that's kind of sad  
Now please don't leave me_

_I'm caught in the middle  
It pulls me down to places no one goes  
So you need to find out  
If there's a chance for us  
What a difference it makes  
Waking up here without you  
Baby, we can make this right  
We can make this right_


	23. TwentyTwo:My Life Would Suck Without You

**Author's Note: **With this chapter this fic on is now pretty much caught up with the site (HPANA) I'm originally posting this story. This means that from now on there might be a longer delay between updates. Sorry about that.

**Dedication:** To SexySiriusBlackChick5. You know, if you give me a signed review, I can get back to you *winks*

**Disclaimer:** Only the original characters and plot…

**Twenty-Two: My Life Would Suck Without You*******

"That was the last time I ever go after a man," Mary finished telling Fiona her embarrassing experience the next day. "Ever."

The two of them were sitting in the sunny garden of the main house, shelling beans for dinner. It was quiet. Jonathan, Sayid and the other men were fixing fences over the hill and the children had gone swimming together. Most of the other women had gone to the local market to sell the herbs they had harvested from the fields. Mary had no idea where Sirius was, and she pretended not to care.

Jonathan and Fiona were the only ones who knew that the "escaped Azkaban lunatic" was in fact innocent, and more importantly, currently hiding in Brazil. Roberto had not yet returned from his business trip and Mary preferred to keep the people on the ranch in the dark until she informed the big boss about it. She just hoped Sirius would have the sense to stay hidden from everyone else until then.

"Hu-hum," Fiona nodded thoughtfully while splitting a pod by lazily using her wand. "Tell me, Mary, when have you ever gone after a man before?"

Mary stopped reaching for a new amount of pods and frowned.

"Are you insulted that I'm asking you?" she asked, seeing the look on Mary's face, who shook her head.

"No, I'm trying to remember. Either way, it doesn't matter. I'm just saying that my original strategy of waiting politely, being ignored and occasionally passed over for someone else was a hundred times better."

Fiona laughed. "Come off it, it can't have been that bad."

"You'd be surprised."

"But _Bloody Hell_, to think that Sirius Black is on this ranch right now. I still can't believe it…" She giggled. "My old Hogwarts crush is suddenly coming back at full force. I used to fantasize about him all day. He was so handsome."

"I doubt you'd think of the word handsome if you see him now."

"I know," Fiona grinned. "Jonathan told me to imagine seeing the photo from the Daily Prophet, but then ten times more terrifying."

"Yeah, but I don't care about that. I just… Oh Merlin, what am I going to do?" Mary asked, rubbing her face.

"I don't know," Fiona replied, biting her lip. "Have you talked to him after… you know?"

"No, and I don't want to. Or maybe I do, I don't know… But he's so unstable, Fi. I'm scared that he can jump out of the forest ambushing Erin and Oliver any second now."

"Likely, but what can you do about that?"

"Nothing more than I'm doing already. I've been watching the kids like a hawk, following their every step… But it's starting to show. Oliver's already wondered if I stopped having a life of my own and started living theirs instead."

"Leave it to Oliver to joke around over a serious matter like this."

"I told him off for being rude, actually. I hate when he's being that obnoxious, it reminds me of his father. Although obviously, Oliver has a point," she sighed morosely before bending down to reach for the large pan that was already half-filled with beans.

Fiona snorted. "True, but you know what they say: it's…"

She paused in the middle of her sentence and Mary – still busy to cast her beans into the pan – looked at her curiously. "It's what?"

"Sirius!" Fiona cried out.

Mary followed her friend's gaze until her eyes found the man standing in the garden, only a little ahead of them. Sirius had sneaked up at her again. "He really ought to stop doing that," she thought surly before she got up from her seat. "What do you want?" she asked, sounding colder than she intended.

"I need your help," he said curtly without bothering a proper "Hello, I'm Sirius" to Fiona.

"With what?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Isn't that obvious?" he asked, pointing to the mass of blonde hair on his head. Or blonde, that's what it used to be when she had just cast the spell. Now, it looked like a dishwater mix of yellow, orange and brown. Sirius had obviously been trying to transform his hair back without knowing the correct incantation. He looked ridiculous, and Mary couldn't help but feeling a little gleeful.

"You look like a horror version of Bozo the Bush," Fiona noted dryly and Mary failed to suppress a snort. Bozo the Bush was Charles, an old British man from the village who occasionally came down to the ranch to perform his clown act on children's birthday parties.

Unsurprisingly, Sirius did not think the resemblance was that funny. "Who- Whatever. Look, I don't know what kind of curse you used…"

"Not a curse," Mary replied, more serious. "I would never curse you."

"I would have done," Fiona mumbled.

Sirius looked from Mary to Fiona in confusion. "Who are you again?"

She let out an exaggerated sigh of fake joy. "A Marauder is asking who I am? Oh goody! Well Sirius, my name is Fiona Travers. We used to be at Hogwarts tog-"

"You're a Travers?" Sirius asked suspiciously.

"Yup, and a Slytherin too. Doesn't that make you want to stun me immediately?"

"It does, actually," he replied without a flicker of irony. "You do realize Mary and I assisted the Auror that sent your uncle to Azkaban?"

Fiona nodded, beaming. "And I'm grateful for that till this day. My uncle was a total arse."

"Fi was not the typical Slytherin," Mary explained, noticing Sirius's brow was furrowing more by the minute. "She hated the ways of her pureblood family as much as you do."

Sirius actually seemed intrigued and looked back at Fiona. "Did you now?"

"Yes, which is why I had to run away from all that rubbish in the end. I came down here, and I've never regretted doing so," she finished, proudly holding her chin up.

"And you were at Hogwarts with us? How come I don't remember seeing you around?"

"Well, I was a Slytherin to begin with. You and your friends ignored me by principle. Also, I was four years behind you guys, and you didn't date girls more than three years your junior. I wish you'd done, though. I had a crush on you since – I don't know - second year?"

Sirius followed the rapidly babbling Fiona with a confused look on his face. He appeared surprised by what she was telling him, but – and if Mary had blinked she would have missed it – also seemed flattered. He was suddenly standing up a little straighter; his eyes had lit up with confidence and Mary could actually detect a smile. In that brief moment, he looked just like the old Sirius. A handsome guy that was a little too arrogant for his own good, but had his heart in the right place and would do anything for the people he loved. But by the time he had thanked Fiona and turned back to Mary, it was gone. "So can you fix this?"

She frowned at the tangled mess of hair. "I don't know. It looks pretty far gone."

"Oh come on, there must be something you can do."

Mary didn't respond while thoughtfully biting her lip. She knew perfectly well that Sirius would never confront Erin and Oliver looking like this, so this disastrous hairdo meant instant protection for her children to find out the truth. But then again, Sirius was unpredictable at the best of times. Maybe, while helping to fix his hair, she could persuade him to stay hidden for the time being. "I'll see what I can do," she said at last as she started walking towards the main house. "Fi, we might be a moment. Can you finish up those beans and make sure no one will enter the kitchen?"

"Sure. It doesn't look like anyone will be back soon anyway."

"Great. Follow me," she added needlessly to Sirius, who was already two steps behind her.

* * *

Once in the kitchen, Mary checked every cabinet in the kitchen to find the Potion she was looking for. Sadly they were short of _Hair Transformers_, but then her eye caught a few flasks with a familiar blue-coloured draft at the back of the cabinet. She had to stand her toes before she was able to reach for them. "There," she finally said as she put one of the flasks down on the table where Sirius had sat down. "This might help."

He picked up the flask. "_This_ will make my own hair grow back? I thought you were going to use some kind of spell."

"No, this is not for your hair. It's for… Well, you know…"

"No, I don't."

Mary groaned. "You're thin, Sirius. In fact, you're so skinny it's scaring the crap out of me and anyone else looking at you."

"In Azkaban-" he started, looking irate, but Mary held up a hand.

"I know that prison doesn't exactly serve haute cuisine, but you're not in Azkaban anymore, so stop acting like you are."

It took Sirius a moment to stop glaring at her, but then he finally lowered his gaze to the flask. "What kind of Potion is this?"

"It was developed by one of our most talented Potion-makers. The draft doesn't have a name, but it makes you gain weight like crazy."

"You made this?"

"Yes."

He arched an eyebrow. "Why not just Hex me now?"

Mary should have seen this coming. Sirius was aware that brewing Potions was not her biggest talent, so of course he would make a joke about it. She was painfully reminded of that night in St. Mungo's when Harry was born and she had brought Sirius an energy boosting draft. He joked he would rather die than ever drink a Potion she made. Back then, she had been amused. Now, she was just annoyed. "For your information, I've made this Potion so many times I stopped counting."

His eyes ran up and down her body. "Why? It doesn't look like you needed it."

Mary let out an indignant gasp. For one, she wasn't fat and never had been (with the exception of the last stage of her pregnancies). And two: Sirius never insulted her like this before. And what was really insufferable: he didn't seem to regret it at all. "For Oliver! I had to give him one Potion a day for over three years."

Sirius shot her a curious look. "Why?"

"He had trouble growing taller after…"

"After what?"

Mary leaned back against the sink as she opened and closed her mouth several times. In arguments she had repeatedly said that there had been hard times on the ranch, but now that it came to actually tell Sirius about it, she didn't know where to start. She always found it difficult to talk about the time after Sophia infected Oliver and a few other children with the _Sanguiversum Syndrome_, even with Fabio. It had not been easy. Oliver continued losing weight instead of gaining it and at one point lacked the energy to get up and walk around. For some reason he was more affected by the sickness than the other kids. Things turned from bad to worse and only when Francesco developed the weight-gaining Potion did Oliver recover. He had been forced to continue taking it for many years to come, though. She ran a hand through her hair. "It's… He was really sick one time, but this Potion helped. So just drink it, okay?"

After watching her for another moment – his intense gaze was starting to make Mary feel very uncomfortable -, Sirius shrugged, uncorked the flask and downed the draft in one go. He pulled a face. "Ugh, that is nasty."

Despite the fact that Mary was just wondering whether Sirius had started to think of Oliver as his son or not, she couldn't help but smile. "That's just what Oliver used to say. He referred to it as the "yucky-Potion"."

"I can see why," Sirius replied darkly while absent-mindedly pushing the empty flask up and down the table. "So… My hair?"

"Oh, right!" Mary jumped from remembering Fabio and Oliver together. "Unfortunately we seem to be out of _Hair Transformers_, but maybe I can think of something else," she said thoughtfully. She grudgingly touched a lock of Sirius's hair and nearly recoiled; this dirty and tangled mass was nothing like the thick and sleek locks she used to love run her hands through. It felt like she was touching greasy rope, but Mary pulled herself together and reached for her wand. She separately tapped strings of hair and muttered a Conditioning-spell, but it didn't work. Not even after repeating it several times. "My Godric, Sirius. What did you do?"

"Me? I was under the impression this was _your_ doing," he replied testily.

"I know, but… I should be able to undo things with a simple spell and yet I'm getting nowhere. Which spells did you use?"

"Let's see… First I tried to make the blonde disappear. Then there was that Coloring-spell-"

"-A _Coloring-spell_? You're not making a bloody painting!"

"Well, I had to do _something_, didn't I? I can't walk around looking like a human freak show."

Mary resisted the urge to inform him that he looked like a freak show to begin with and waved her wand around. "_Forfexum_," she said and studied the scissors she had just conjured from thin air. "Looks like it's going to be the Muggle way, then. This hair needs to come off any way."

Sirius eyed the scissors suspiciously. "What are you going to do with that thing?"

"Cut your hair," she said dismissively, remembering how Oliver had acted that night he had gum in his hair and that he and Sirius were more alike than she would like to admit.

She made him sit facing forward and got to work. It was not an easy job, especially in the beginning when Mary had trouble getting through the thick mass of tangled hair. She had conjured three scissors by the time she finished shortening Sirius's hair till right under his ears. Then she picked up her wand and cast _Scourgify_ and finally, when his hair was finally clean, a Color Reverse-charm. The single spell was effective immediately: the dirty blonde and orange vanished and changed back to its original state (black). Bozo the Horror Bush had disappeared and - with his new haircut – Sirius had instantly lost a few years. He seemed younger and almost looked like himself again, if you looked past the sunken cheeks. She quickly conjured a hand mirror so Sirius could see the back of his head as well. "Not bad," he said approvingly. "Looks like you missed your calling."

She grinned. "I thought that was supposed to be lavatory assistant."

Sirius shot her a puzzled look and it took a moment before Mary realized he didn't understand she was referring to the morning after she discovered she was pregnant with Erin. She had never felt more nauseated in her life and spent the entire day hanging over a toilet seat. Sirius had joked that the look suited her well and she should consider changing careers. But he had forgotten about that now; the Dementors must have erased the memory.

"Never mind," Mary sighed and picked up the scissors again to finish the haircut by tweaking it here and there, so that nothing was out of place.

She was so engrossed in her work that she didn't notice Sirius was watching her closely in the tall mirror on the wall. When she finally finished and was about to lower the scissors, he suddenly reached for her hand. Mary froze. This single touch caused a wave of pleasant tingles spreading from her fingertips through her entire body. She wasn't sure what Sirius was feeling; he appeared stunned with himself for having acted on impulse. He didn't seem to know what to do next, but then he slowly, hesitantly, intertwined his fingers with hers. Mary couldn't quite move. She shot a nervous look in the mirror, but Sirius was still staring at their linked hands. When he finally raised his head and looked in the mirror as well, their eyes locked.

This was unbearable. When Mary couldn't take anymore, she jerked her hand from his grip and walked away. She put her hands on the sink and leaned forward so that her head was resting against the kitchen cabinet, breathing hard. But she could still hear the sound of chair-legs scraping over the floor. A moment later a sudden tingle in the nape of her neck told her that Sirius was standing right behind her. He did not say anything or touch her, but from the corner of her right eye she could see he was closing his eyes. When his nose gently made contact with her hair, Mary's body acted for her; she leaned back just far enough so her shoulders touched his chest. Sirius let out a quiet gasp. He opened his mouth, but closed it again. Then he heaved a long sigh. "I… I'm sorry. I can't."

He turned away and before she could realize what was happening, he had left the kitchen through the back door. Mary stood there for a long time, trying to control the trembling in her legs. She had never felt more confused in her life. After another moment, she forced herself to reach for her wand. _"Scourgify,"_ she mumbled repeatedly until all of Sirius's hair had vanished from the kitchen floor. Then, making up her mind, she headed to the garden and asked Fiona to have Erin and Oliver over for the night. She needed to get out and be alone with her thoughts.

* * *

It only took her half an hour to swap her Summer dress for some jeans before grooming and saddling Augusto. Soon she was galloping through the fields. It may sound crazy to anyone who's never been a fan of horseback riding, but the fast and thundering sounds of the hoofs on the dusty ground helped her to calm down. Galloping around wildly cleared her head. She only slowed down when Gus was so exhausted he almost tripped over his own legs. She gently patted its manes as the horse sauntered over to the hill Mary had been looking for: the graveyard.

She dismounted Augusto and tied his reins on a nearby tree. Then she walked over to Fabio's grave, which she hadn't visited since the funeral. Mary sat down with her legs crossed. She stared at the tombstone in silence while the cool wind was playing with her hair, absent-mindedly plucking the grass in front of it when she once again wished she could talk to Fabio. She could do with his guidance on what to do with Sirius. "Then again," she thought, "would she even be in this place if Fabio was still alive?" Would she have stayed with him or run off with Sirius in the end? She honestly didn't know the answer to that question.

Mary sat there for hours, not even thinking about drinking or eating something. At last, when the sun had set and her back was starting to ache, she got up and walked back to her horse. Feeling none the wiser, but at least she was calmer now. "Let's take you home, Gus," she whispered lovingly before turning the horse around and trotting back to the stables. No one was around except Sayid and Butch. When the latter asked why she wasn't at dinner and if she was okay, Mary replied she just needed to be on her own to think. There wasn't a single refugee on the ranch without post-traumatic stress disorder; they were used to people occasionally freaking out over something, so Butch merely nodded and patted her shoulder, saying "Happens to the best of us, kid," before leaving her alone.

After she had groomed, fed and cuddled Augusto, she closed the stable doors and wondered what to do next. She could go home, but had a feeling she was too restless to sleep anyway. So instead, she walked all the way down to a small and sheltered beach near the South-East border she and Fabio had discovered together. It had always been their little secret, and to this day Mary had not told anyone about it, not even Erin and Oliver.

She pulled off her shoes and clothes until she was in her underwear and walked to the ocean. It was one of the first warm evenings of the season and the water was cool, but not too cold. Mary swam around for a while and enjoyed staring up at the starry sky as she floated on her back. When she could finally force herself to swim back to the shore, she realized a man was standing on the beach, watching her. It only took her about another second to see the man was Sirius. How he got onto this beach was beyond her, but she had to get out of the water sooner or later. Knowing that she was being watched, Mary consciously walked towards him. He had conjured a towel which he was holding out to her. She grudgingly dried herself off and quickly wrapped the towel around her. "How did you find me?"

"I followed you when you left the stables."

"You've been doing that a lot lately."

A hint of a smile played around his lips. "It's the only way I can be sure you don't leave in the middle of a conversation."

She lifted an eyebrow. "I wasn't the one running off this afternoon."

Sirius put his hands in his pockets and stared out over the ocean, for a moment his thoughts seemed to be miles away. "I know," he said. "I wasn't myself today."

Mary had started brushing her hair with her fingers, but she stopped doing that as she frowned at him. "Do you even know who you are anymore?"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"I don't mean to be harsh, but you're nothing like the man I knew. I'm just saying that it must be hard to be discovering yourself all over again."

He remained silent, but Mary had a feeling he might start talking after all if she would just wait. And indeed, after another while Sirius said: "It's hard. I've lost everything that was dear to me. Including memories. That thing you were referring to this afternoon, the lavatory assistant?" he asked while looking over his shoulder. "That was a memory, right? I know nothing about that."

"Well… Yes, it was a memory, but not all is lost. You still remembered who I was, and Erin…"

He turned back to the ocean. "I remember how it felt to have lost you, or that I was always scared that something might happen to Erin. Just that it feels like it was yesterday I found the bodies of James and Lily, cornering Peter… But practically every happy thought I had is gone because of the Dementors."

Mary said nothing, too busy trying to swallow the lump in her throat. Once again guilt was washing over her like an unrelenting tidal wave. She should have been around when Sirius was arrested. He was right. He had never needed her more and she abandoned the only man she had ever loved (until then).

"By coming here, I thought I would get all the answers, but as it turns out, it doesn't work that way. I find out I have a son, for Merlin's sake. A son who, like his big sister, has been raised by another man. That man – dead or not – has all the memories that should belong to me."

She sniffed. "Sirius… Please-"

"I'm not even talking about the time he got to spend with you," he continued, still refusing to look at her. "It feels like my life was taken over by someone else. And then you ask me if I still know who I am?" He laughed mirthlessly. "Think again."

This time it was Mary who stepped forward and reached for his hand. He let her, but didn't squeeze back or give the impression he was aware of her rubbing his thumb while he was staring into the distance. "I'm sorry," she whispered, "I'm sorry for everything you have been through and if I could take away any of the hurt, I would. But I can't."

Sirius's expression remained impassive. Mary stepped in front of him, but he still wasn't looking at her. She put her other hand to his cheek. "Sirius, listen to me-"

"I hate you."

The words had come out with no warning and even though they were spoken softly, it was like a stone was being plunged into her stomach. Mary blinked. Sirius finally looked down at her, his eyes a few shades darker grey than usual. "I hate you," he repeated, his voice impassive, like a robot.

Mary started crying. Part of her was indignant and felt like she didn't deserve this. But then there was the bigger part wishing she could turn back the time, to do things differently. And the devastating knowledge that nothing could ever be done about that. The "I hate you" had crushed her heart in a thousand pieces. She pulled her hand away to cover her eyes and, still crying, let her head crash on Sirius's chest. He didn't respond in any way. He just stood there with his arms hanging at his sides. Mary felt that her legs were giving way and she slowly collapsed until she hit the ground, right when he said: "And I hate myself for hating you."

Mary couldn't say anything; she had just managed to crawl back to her feet. She couldn't look at him and turned away. She walked back to the shoreline, taking a few deep breaths while trying to control her breathing, and watched the calm waves wash down the beach and over her bare feet. Then Sirius suddenly appeared next to her. He grabbed her arm and forced her to turn around. The impassive expression was gone; at least there was a sense of emotion in his face. And there was something in his eyes too – was it regret? "Did you hear what I said? I-"

"-hate me. Yeah, I got that the first time," Mary said quietly and looked down at her feet.

"Yes. No, that's not what I meant. And it came out wrong. I'm just so messed up, Mare…"

Mare. That was the first time he used her nickname. The nickname she hadn't heard since leaving England. No one on the ranch called her by that name, not even Fabio who always said Mary, or occasionally just "M". The mere mention of "Mare" brought back so many memories, happy ones, and Mary blinked frantically in order to stop crying.

Sirius cupped her face with both of his hands and forced her to look at him. The night complimented his looks; the short hair shined in the moonlight and he looked almost as handsome as he used to be. But the most important change was in his eyes; they had softened and seemed almost comforting. "I still love you. Nothing, not even hate, will ever change that." He managed to conjure a half-grin on his face. "It's you and me, you know?"

Mary had given up the battle of fighting her tears and let them run down freely. Sirius gently brushed the drops off with his thumbs. "I just have to learn to forget the hate and learn to love again."

She was looking in his eyes and seeing nothing but the truth. At that moment, even though she knew that Sirius probably lost that memory as well, Mary was back to being seventeen. She swallowed. "I love you too," she whispered as if it were the first time.

His eyes never left hers when he slowly began to lean forward. Sirius was now so close she could feel his gentle breath on her skin. Mary's heart was beating in her chest, her breaths were coming shorter and shorter. She couldn't think of anything else of kissing him. And then it was happening. His mouth crashed down on hers and it had never felt better. Mary had known happiness with Fabio and truly loved him, but it was nothing compared to what she feeling now.

Granted, it was a strange mixture of love, compassion and regret combined with pure lust, but it just felt so right. When Sirius tightly wrapped his arms around her, she had forgotten they had always been the perfect fit. Then there was the roughness of his five o'clock shadow she had missed so much, his smell… Her hands were on their own voyage of discovery as they pulled off his clothes. Yes, he was still skinny, but that wouldn't always be the case and in that particular moment, she didn't care.

When Sirius had removed the towel and whatever clothing she was still wearing, they dropped down in the surf. The feeling of his warm body on top of her combined with the cool water washing over them was having the strangest effect on her. Despite the fact that Sirius was locked up in prison and hadn't been with a woman for over a decade, he knew exactly what he was doing. In fact, when Mary finally opened her eyes and locked her gaze with his, she felt like she was starting to slowly lose herself. But that was alright. Somehow Mary realized that doing this meant more than words ever could. And if making love on a beach was one step on the long-winded road to heal Sirius's damaged soul, she was going to make it last forever.

**- End of Update -  
**  
* _Song from the title: My Life Would Suck Without You by Kelly Clarkson_. A fairly recent song, but I thought it was a pretty good match with the content of this chapter, hihi.


	24. TwentyThree: The Fear You Won't Fall

**Author's Note:** Bright and shiny new update! Hope you guys enjoy…

**Dedication: **To every loyal reader out there. Your comments is what keeps me going *smiles*

**Disclaimer:** Still no news on that…

**Twenty-Three: The Fear You Won't Fall**

Sirius couldn't sleep. He had been staring at the wall for the last hours, feeling content and somewhat bemused. He had forgotten how it felt like he was feeling at this very moment; how physically relaxed you can be after a night like this. Sirius slowly lifted his arm; it dropped back down on the bed with a heavy thump. It was near dawn; he was feeling blissfully tired, and yet he could not sleep.

He glanced at the woman in front of him. Mary was lying on her side, facing away and from what it looked like, still fast asleep. Sirius wasn't sure how she had experienced the night, but from his side, it couldn't be better, even it had been a downright rollercoaster of emotions. At first, part of his suppressed anger with her remained, but as the night progressed that feeling seemed to fade away. They made love several times and had been talking in between, just like in the old days. He shared some of his worst experiences in Azkaban while she told him how hard it had been to believe in his innocence when everyone thought she was crazy. But it hadn't been that serious all the time; Mary also made him laugh with funny tales about Erin and Oliver. Contrary to what he expected, these stories didn't make him feel resentful, but filled him with joy and happiness. In fact, he hadn't felt this happy since Azkaban. Sirius hadn't completely forgiven Mary yet, but he was getting there.

Sirius wrapped his arm around Mary and pulled her closer. He nuzzled her neck, half-wishing it would wake her up, but she merely sighed and continued to sleep peacefully. He chuckled; he was not sure why and suspected he had lost the memory, but somehow he knew that, unlike him, Mary could sleep like a log if she wanted to. He kissed her shoulder; there were still a few grains of sand on her skin and he blew them off gently. And then, when he slowly leaned in to rest his chin on her shoulder, something happened he did not expect.

_There was a weird white flash and then Sirius suddenly found himself standing in the Gryffindor Common Room. It was raining outside; drops of water were softly ticking against the stained-glass windows of the Tower. It was crowded in the room. Sirius let his eyes run over the crowd; there were many younger students he didn't recognize, but then – with a pleasant jump of his heart – he spotted James, Lily and Remus at the familiar wooden table.__"Says who?"_

_That when's he realized he was probably dreaming, right before a handsome dark-haired guy bounded through the Portrait. The older Sirius stared at his younger self; the guy seemed to be looking for someone. When his eyes finally found a brown-haired girl, sitting against the back of a couch near the fire, he smirked. But at the same time, the redhead girl got up from her seat._

_"Sirius", Lily said softly, grabbing his arm. "Don't you think you should leave her alone for a moment?"_

_"I want to know how she's doing", he replied indignantly. "Is that so bad?"_

_She smiled. "No, it's sweet, but… Mary is isolating herself for a reason and I think-"_

_"-And I think she will be happy to see me."_

_"Well, she was asking for you earlier," Lily admitted._

_Young Sirius smiled. "There you go."_

_He gently released himself from her grip and walked to the fire. Mary hadn't noticed and was absent-mindedly stroking Coco, the cat who was resting on her lap. Older Sirius wondered what happened to Coco after Halloween '81 while young Sirius silently watched her before finally asking: "Mind if I join you?"_

_Mary looked up in surprise and smiled. "No," she said. Her gaze dropped to his hand. "You got Madam Pomfrey to Heal your hand."_

_"Peter."_

_"Oh," young Sirius said, looking awkward for only a moment before a confident grin crossed his face. "And here I was planning to come up with a great story about hooking up with a girl and spending the last two hours in a distant broom cupboard."_

_Mary chuckled slightly before she kissed the cat on its head. Young Sirius watched Coco for a while. "Mind if I borrow her for a sec?"_

_She looked doubtful. "Eh sure, but I should warn you: Coco is like an Unicorn. She doesn't like strangers, least of all men."_

_He shrugged and took Coco from Mary. The older Sirius suddenly remembered that he had been bribing that cat for months with pieces of bacon and salted pork from the kitchens. Apparently he had thought this would be a way to win Mary over. And it seemed to be working like a charm. Coco was purring loudly as she crawled onto his lap, allowing him to stroke her and young Sirius grinned. He knew having that cat on his side would come in handy one day._

_The look on Mary's face was priceless. "This is so unlike Coco. Last time my dad tried to stroke her, she slaughtered his hand."_

_Young Sirius smirked. "Don't worry, it's me. I happen to have a mesmerizing effect on female cats."_

_"Not just cats."_

_She clapped her hand to her mouth, apparently shocked at what she just said, and she blushed intently. Although he didn't turn red, young Sirius momentarily seemed to be lost for words as well, and the older Sirius realized he had already been in love with her at this point. After another moment of tense silence, young Sirius smirked and nudged her gently. "Why Miss Woods! Do I dare to think you just gave me a compliment?"_

_The older Sirius hadn't thought it possible, but Mary now was blushing even more. He could see that young Sirius was restraining himself from touching her glowing cheeks. But she got her act together in the end. "Well yes, I guess so," she said, shooting him a thoughtful look. "Now don't get too high-handed over this."_

_Young Sirius smiled and focused on stroking Coco - who was just turning on her back to lay stretched out - for a moment. "Say, you know Hogsmeade weekend is due next week?"_

_"Hmmm?"_

_Young Sirius met her gaze. She was looking straight at him. The older Sirius noticed his younger self suddenly wasn't looking all that confident anymore. He took a deep breath. "D'you wanna come with me?"_

_Mary blinked and stared at him for a moment. She frowned, clearly unsure if she would say yes or no, but at least she hadn't turned him down at once. When Mary finally opened her mouth, she looked troubled. But right when the older Sirius (and probably his younger self as well) expected those loveable lips would form the word "no", she smiled. "I'd really like that."_

The older Sirius felt like he was pulled back to the present; there was another soft flash of white flight that forced him to blink. And then he was back in his bed with his arm wrapped around Mary. He blinked another few times while trying to make sense of what just happened. How in Merlin's name did he cross the Atlantic to end up in the Gryffindor Tower in (what seemed like) the era he had been a student at Hogwarts? Was it just a dream? But dreams usually aren't so clear. He knew that he and Mary had started going out not long after Jonathan tried to beat her up; was that why the younger version of Mary had referred to Madam Pomfrey Healing his hand?

He couldn't remember. Sirius sighed, feeling frustrated that he couldn't make any sense of this, and lay back down. To his surprise, and even though bright rays of morning sunlight were already warming his face, this time he managed to doze off eventually.

He woke up in a far more pleasant way, by Mary planting light kisses on his temples and whispering "wake up" in his ear. Sirius groaned and lifted an arm to rub his eyes. When he finally opened them, he met Mary's gaze. She looked amused. "Sleepyhead."

"I didn't get any sleep at all last night," he replied quasi-indignant. "Unlike some people I know."

"Well, I was pretty exhausted in the end," she countered dryly while sitting up straight with her legs crossed. "I have muscles aching _everywhere_."

"Poor you," he smiled lazily before lifting his hand to brush a few locks of hair from her shoulder. "Hey, were you by any chance dreaming about me earlier?"

"Oh dear. I wasn't talking in my sleep, was I?"

"No, it wasn't like that. When I rested my chin on your shoulder this morning, it just seemed like I was stepping into your dream."

She looked puzzled. "What do you mean?"

"We were back at Hogwarts, at night in a crowded Common Room. James and Lily were there as well. You were sitting near the fire with Coco. I came to talk to you – surprisingly enough you seemed happy to see me – and… and I asked you out. You said yes, by the way."

Mary watched him silently for a moment. "That wasn't a dream," she said eventually. "It was a memory. That's when you really asked me out for the first time. And considering the whole raging Jonathan-debacle happened that day, I thought it would only be polite to accept."

He frowned at her, wondering is she was being serious, and she rolled her eyes. "The last part was a joke, Sirius. What in Godric's name happened to your sense of humour? We must do something about that some time."

"Yeah, sure, whatever you say," he nodded absent-mindedly. "I'm just trying to understand why this is happening now."

"I have no idea," Mary said while stepping out of bed. She wrapped one of the bed sheets around herself and pushed her hair from her face. "What I do know is that you need to get out of here pronto. I need to be at work in half an hour. Besides, imagine Erin and Oliver finding you like this…"

She hadn't even finished her sentence when the door opened and Erin walked inside. "Mum, have you borrowed my hairbrush again?" The girl froze when her eyes ran over the scene. From the scattered clothes on the floor and her mother standing in a corner, wrapped in nothing more than a sheet and with a messy hairdo, to Sirius, who was still in bed (probably looking as dishevelled as Mary) and unable to move under the shocked glare of his daughter. "Ehm…" Erin stammered and she quickly lowered her gaze to the ground before she seemed to change her mind. "Never mind," she said coolly, shooting a sudden glare at her mother, before turning around and heading out.

Mary remained standing there like a statue, looking unsure of what to do. Sirius had jumped out of bed himself when he located his pants on the floor. He quickly pulled them on and right when he was reaching for his shirt, Mary suddenly brushed past him into the living room. "Erin," she was saying, "Please honey, you weren't supposed to-"

"-Know?" Erin countered angrily. "Because you thought I would never find out?"

"_See_, I meant see, Erin. Just listen to me for a moment, you don't understand why…"

"Understand what? Mum, I'm not five anymore! I know _exactly_ what happened, okay?"

"Erin," Mary said warningly, trying to interject some authority in her voice.

A door on the other side of the room opened with a creak. "Wha's this 'bout?" came Oliver's sleepy voice.

Sirius groaned inwardly and leaned back against the wall next to the bedroom door. There could not be a worse way for the kids to find out about him and Mary. He was still pondering over whether it would help if he went to the living room to assist Mary in explaining the truth when he realized Erin was ignoring his brother completely. "Who is he, mum?"

"He's…" Mary seemed to be lost for words.

"Who's who?" Oliver asked.

"_Siddocus White_," Erin said scathingly, finally acknowledging her younger brother in the conversation. "Although I doubt that's his true name."

"Huh?"

Mary heaved a frustrated sigh. "Alright, alright, both of you: sit down."

"Why?"

Erin was acting like an insufferable and spoiled brat, but Sirius could not blame her. He understood why she was reacting this intense. It would not be easy to find her mother in bed with another man than the one she grew up with. "Even though that man should have been him", he couldn't help but thinking surly.

Meanwhile, Mary was putting her foot down. "Because I am your mother and saying so, Erin. Sit. Down."

There were two thuds indicating that Erin and Oliver had flopped down on the couch. "Now," Mary was saying more kindly, "a while ago I told you about what happened back in England and… And how your father ended up in prison. As it turns out, things aren't what they seem. Sirius came out looking for me to tell the truth and… We've been trying to work things out ever since."

"How long has this been going on?" Erin still sounded furious.

"About a week. Look, I apologize for not telling you guys sooner, but it hasn't been easy for us either. The most important thing you must know is that your father was framed by one of his closest friends. He was innocent, he always has been."

"So you moved us to this place for nothing?"

"It's more complicated than that, Erin. Those were dangerous times; we would be chased by Death Eaters and the Ministry of Magic, no matter what we did. This really was the only way to remain safe."

Oliver had been quiet the entire time. When he finally opened his mouth, Sirius could hear the desperation in his voice. "So that Siddocus-dude is actually…"

"Your father," Mary finished his sentence softly.

Sirius felt this was his cue to come out. He remained standing in the doorway and looked at the scene before him. Erin and Oliver were sitting on the couch, both looking stunned, and Mary, still wrapped in the sheet, had crouched down before them. The children looked up at him slowly; Sirius could feel their intense gaze burn on his face. And he couldn't think of anything better to do than lamely raising his hand in a greeting.

Erin watched him closely for another moment before she glared back at Mary. "You lied to us," she hissed. "You said he was a murderer!"

"I didn't know better," Mary said soothingly while reaching for her daughter's hand, but Erin slammed her hand away. She got up from the couch, grabbed her bag from the kitchen table and headed for the door without looking at her mother or Sirius again. "Coming Oliver?" she called when she was out on the porch.

Oliver, obviously still bemused, slowly got to his feet. "Oliver, please…" Mary said.

He looked down at his (still kneeling) mother with a puzzled frown on his face. "This is a load of crap," he muttered darkly before Accoing his bag from his room. He walked past the table in the direction of the door, but unlike Erin, he did stop in front of Sirius. He shot him an angry look, this time leaving Sirius (who had just noticed the boy's bright blue eyes for the first time, _Mary's_ eyes) lost for words. What Oliver was about to yell was far less dreamy, though. "You are not my father. And you never will be," he muttered to himself as he walked off and followed his sister in the morning sunlight, leaving both his parents behind in bewilderment.

* * *

"Well," Sirius said when he finally had the courage to push himself off the wall and walk over to Mary, who was still sitting in the same position. "I've often experienced my mother telling me I was no of hers, but never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined my son ever saying something to me like that. Then again," he added thoughtfully, "I never knew I had a son."

It was a poor attempt at a joke, but Mary looked even more miserable than she already did. "Hey," Sirius said when he crouched down next to her. "I was only kidding."

"This is not the time for cracking jokes," she said miserably and rested her head in her hands. "I can't imagine a worse way for Erin and Oliver to find out about you."

"I know, but-"

"-Don't you see how disastrous this could be? If they say something to one of the other kids on the ranch…"

"Would that be so bad?"

Mary got up straight so fast that she needed to readjust the sheet around her chest. "Yes! Men like Sayid and Butch aren't exactly hospitable to newcomers, not after… Anyway, Roberto is not here right now to deal with it, and with your reputation… I mean, if they get their hands on you before I get a chance to explain… this could be bad, Sirius."

He looked at her and realized she was not just freaking out; there was actual fear in her eyes. He bit his lip. "When is this Roberto coming back?"

"Tomorrow night."

"Okay," he nodded. "Then I'll make sure to stay hidden from them until then. "

"But if the others find you…"

"Mare," Sirius said while getting to his feet, "I spent the last year being chased by the Ministry _and_ Dementors and they never even got close. No offense, but I'm not worried. If everything else fails, I simply transform into Padfoot."

A brief smile crossed her face. "Padfoot… I missed the pranks you used to pull as a dog. Do you remember that hot Summer day when you jumped into a lily pond to entertain Erin?"

Sirius had no idea what she was talking about, but for the very first time, he really wished he would. Mary read the look on his face. "You don't remember."

He shrugged. "Maybe it'll come back to me eventually."

"Yeah, maybe…"

He reached for her hand. "Look, Erin and Oliver will have to get back home eventually, so by then we'll be prepared to tell them the whole truth. And this time I will try and contribute something to the conversation as well."

"Now you mention it, you weren't exactly a lot of help."

He grimaced. "I know. I was trying to keep calm and resisting a strong urge to hug them close."

"That would have really freaked them out."

"I bet," he grinned at her. "Come on, let's go take a shower first. We'll figure out what to do next later. And didn't you say you had to go to work?"

Mary froze. "Crap, I totally forgot. I'm gonna be late. My boss is going to be so pissed!"

"Unless you call in sick," Sirius suggested, his eyes twinkling mischievously. "That oughta do it, right?"

"I've never taken a day off in my life." She laughed, shaking her head. "It'd be like playing truant. That's something I just don't do."

"Well, little miss O-student, it's never too late to start, now is it?"

After another moment of consideration, Mary looked back at him. Her eyes were twinkling just as mischievously as his own. "Fine. But if you ever tell Erin or Oliver, I'll kill you."

* * *

The following day was one of the most fun days Sirius had in years, with Mary taking a sickie being the main reason. He learned that apart from working in the stables, she had learned to speak fluent Portuguese over the years. Also, she had a part-time job at the local hospital. Sirius was absolutely thrilled to discover she was still practising Healing and wanted to know all about that. Mary in her place was trying to be careless and cheerful, but he could see she was very worried about Erin and Oliver, and although he found himself constantly thinking about them as well, he tried to take Mary's mind off things for the moment.

Their morning shower resulted in another two hours of lying around in bed before they could finally force each other to get dressed around noon. They had lunch together after Sirius had wondered over those weird kitchen cabinets that had conjured bread, cheese, marmelade and pineapple-mango juice out of nowhere.

Later that afternoon Mary invited Fiona and Jonathan over for tea. She explained to them what had happened with Erin and Oliver earlier that day and they were both very understanding. Sirius let Mary do the talking and merely watched their reaction. Fiona (he noticed Mary and Jonathan often referred to her as "Fi") offered to introduce a rumour about another new man in her life to distract people from noticing something weird was going on at the Woods cabin. And Jonathan reassured them that, whenever it got to the point of the other men setting out a search to track Sirius down, he would accidentally-on-purpose send them off in the opposite direction.

By the time Mary had exchanged the juice for wine and – Sirius wondered where in Merlin's name she got it from – Firewhiskey, he was forced to admit that Jonathan had turned out to be a decent chap. He wouldn't go as far to apologize for hitting him a black eye (he _had_ hurt Mary back then after all), but to his surprise, he actually liked the guy. The only time he thought Jonathan crossed the line was when he told Sirius that Fabio had been the key to her happiness on this ranch. As far as Sirius was concerned, that man was a smudge on his radar that needed to be erased as soon as possible, or at least ignored. He knew it was there, he just didn't want to see it.

Erin and Oliver didn't come home that day after school. Mary wasn't too troubled about that, she said children of the ranch often made their homework together or went to play at the beach and met up with their families at the main house at dinnertime. She was however worried that they wouldn't get home after dinner either. Fiona had promised to send her an update from the main house, but she was still restless at dinner, which they decided to have in Mary's cabin. After cleaning up the dishes, the sat down on the couch with a bottle of wine. Sirius couldn't help but wondering if this would just be like old times. It might have been, if Mary just wouldn't be so tense. Having a sudden idea, Sirius positioned himself behind her and started to rub her shoulders.

Mary relaxed almost instantly in his grip. "Oh, that's nice," she sighed, closing her eyes.

"It'll be okay, love," he said quietly while resting his chin on the back of her neck. "Think about it, things can get only better after this."

"They better, because if we don't fix this, we'll-"

But Sirius didn't hear the end of the sentence, because suddenly Mary's voice dissolved in another flash of light and the sudden swirl of a howling wind around them.

_When he opened his eyes, he realized he was in another memory. A younger version of himself and Mary were riding his flying motorbike. They were a little older than before, though; both were dressed in black and looked sad, like they were grieving over something. The older Sirius watched his younger self carefully land his bike in the backyard of what seemed like the house of Mary's parents. He gave Mary a hand to get off the bike, who sighed morosely and shot a doubtful look in the direction of the house. When she was about to head inside, he grabbed her hand. "Hang on a sec."_

_She turned around, her eyebrows raised. "What?"_

_"I want to give my present to you now." The older Sirius thought this could mean one thing: either it was Christmas or Mary was celebrating her birthday. He could think of only one birthday where she had been dressed in black: the funeral of the Prewett brothers. Sirius suddenly remembered which memory he was in._

_He looked at Mary, who was looking rather surprised. "What here? Now?"_

_Younger Sirius nodded. "We'll be talking about our postponed wedding for the rest of the day, and I thought this would bring back at least some positive thoughts. Concerning our wedding, I mean."_

_She frowned. "You're giving me a wedding present?"_

_"Sort of." Younger Sirius reached inside his bag and pulled out a parcel. Mary took it and sat down on a stone garden bench. She tore off the wrapping paper and opened the box: inside was a magazine with an idyllic-looking chapel in Kent. "What is this?"_

_Younger Sirius crouched down before her. "I know you would love to get married there, so I asked Dumbledore to talk to the priest of that chapel and… Well, this is where we'll get married."_

_"But… We won't be married anytime soon."_

_"I know that," he said. "But the priest assured me that it's possible for us to book the chapel in every season of every year, so whenever we want, basically. Now flip the page."_

_Mary obeyed and turned the page; there was another, smaller box stuck inside the magazine. She opened it carefully: inside was a magnificent diamond bracelet. She gasped. "Sirius…" she said softly. "You shouldn't have…"_

_"Damn right I should," he grinned. "You can keep the bracelet, but on one condition."_

_"What do you mean?"_

_"That you will wear it on our wedding day. Whenever that is going to be," he added, rolling his eyes._

_"Of course I will," Mary cried out happily before flinging her arms around his neck and giving him a tender kiss. The older Sirius couldn't see the face of his younger self, but he dared to bet he was smirking on the inside. And why wouldn't he be? He had managed to cheer up his girlfriend on the very day two of their best friends had been put into the ground. It was slowly making him realize that he was the only one who could make her feel better like that. And that was a relief, to say the least._

"Sirius?"

Sirius blinked. He had left the backyard in the English countryside and had returned to the couch in Mary's cabin in Brazil. Mary had turned back and was studying him with a puzzled look. "Sirius, did you hear what I said?"

"Err no, sorry."

"You seemed to be miles away for a moment."

"I think I was."

"What are you talking about?"

"I might have been reliving another memory. When is your birthday?"

Mary seemed taken aback that he had to ask. "January 24th."

He nodded. "I saw your birthday, the one that fell on the same day as the funeral of Gideon and Fabian. Do you remember?"

Her face darkened. "Of course I do," she said quietly, and Sirius knew she was thinking of Fabian. For some reason he _did_ remember that guy had had a crush on her, probably because he didn't think of it as a happy memory, but Sirius would rather die than ever admit that he was jealous of a dead man.

"We were standing in your parents garden," he continued, "We were about to tell them why we had to postpone our wedding. I gave you this bracelet…"

"I know. That was a beautiful piece of jewelry."

"Tell me about it. Where is that thing anyway?"

"Don't know."

"What?!"

She glared at him. "I'm sorry I didn't think to bring it along when I was saving our daughter from the hands of furious Death Eaters."

Sirius realized his response wasn't reasonable, but he couldn't help but stare at her hand. "And what about your ring. Lost that one on the journey to Brazil, I presume?"

Mary looked like she was about to slap his cheek, but she seemed to manage to suppress that urge and broke free from his embrace instead. She got up from the couch and stared out of the window, where the sun was slowly starting to set. "I still have the ring," she mumbled.

"You do? Where is it?"

"I'm not saying, not now anyway."

"What, why the Hell not?"

She sighed. "Because you're acting like a total prat, Sirius Black. That's why."

"Oh." Sirius rubbed his nose. He had forgotten women could be so tentative. "Well, I didn't mean it like that."

He was about to add "even though technically we are still engaged and I have all the right in the world to ask for it" when Mary suddenly gasped. "What is it?"

"Oliver!" she replied, "he's heading over here. I can't see Erin anywhere, though," she added in a concerned voice.

Sirius didn't know what to say to that. He was still sitting on the couch when the front door opened and Oliver came inside. He walked over to the sitting area and stared from Mary to Sirius and back for a moment that seemed to last an hour. Then, without a word, he turned around and headed to his room. Sirius and Mary exchanged a confused glance, but before any of them could have said anything, Oliver reappeared. He paused in front of the table, holding two brooms and two bats in his arms. "Play any Quidditch, Sirius?"

He was flabbergasted. Never in a million years did he expect Oliver to ask something like this. Inviting him for a casual game of Quidditch, that must be a good sign, shouldn't it? "Well?" Oliver demanded.

"I used to have a regular spot in the Gryffindor House Team."

"Great. There's this small field behind our house. No one will notice us, I think. So what are you waiting for?"

Sirius got up and took the broom and bat Oliver was offering him. The boy looked at his mother. "Alright, mum?"

"Yes… Yes, of course," Mary replied, sounding just a confused as Sirius was feeling. "Just be careful out there."

She followed them to the door. "Just one more question. Where's Erin?"

"With Diego," Oliver replied shortly. "She said she would stay there for the night."

"I…" Mary said, frowning. "Well, alright then, but she better be back home by tomorrow night."

Oliver shrugged. "I doubt it, but whatever…"

He walked down a narrow path that led to the field behind the cabin and after shooting another look at Mary, Sirius followed him. They were going to have to take this one step at a time, and if Oliver – a boy who had never actually known him as a father – was willing to get to know him, it should also work out between Erin and him in the end. Right now he should focus on his son (it still felt weird to think of the boy this way) and this little game of Quidditch. "What position do you play?" Oliver asked.

"I'm not too bad a Chaser," Sirius said while swinging his leg over the broom, "but I always preferred being one of the Beaters."

"No kidding! I play Beater."

"I know," Sirius said before thinking, "I've seen you fly."

Oliver frowned at him. "You've been spying on us?"

"No! Yes. Well, maybe a little bit."

The boy snorted while releasing a Bludger and getting hold of the Quaffle. "Dude, that's sick," he said as he smashed the Bludger to the other end of the field. "So is your name really Sirius Black?"

He shot the boy a surprised look. "Of course it is. Why?"

"It's a rather cool name, I think. And well, you lied about it once before…"

He laughed as they both kicked up at the same time. "Well, _I_ would never come up a name as ridiculous as "Siddocus White"."

Oliver sped up slightly. "Probably not. But I think I keep calling you "Sid" anyway, just for fun."

Sirius couldn't help but grin. "Only if you beat me three games in a row."

The kid grinned back, his blue eyes twinkling with sudden excitement. "You're on."

And then Oliver was gone, chasing after the Quaffle. He really was a good flyer, Sirius thought when he waited a little too long to accelerate his own broom in time and was forced to watch him score the first goal. This could mean two things: one, athletic games like Quidditch were the best start to get to know his son. And two, from what it looked like right now when he failed to get a good hold of the Quaffle and was forced to see the kid score a quick 2-0, he was going to be called "Sid" by Oliver for the rest of his life.

**- End of Update -  
**  
_* Song from the title: The Fear You Won't Fall by Joshua Radin._


	25. TwentyFour: The Birds and the Bees

**Author's Note: **First I would like to apologize for the recent lack of updates, but my personal life has been an emotional rollercoaster (and not in a good way). I just had to get away from it all, including writing. Hopefully my muse will stay with me from now on, though…

**Dedication: **To Chelsea. You reviewed practically every story I have posted on this site, but you never ever write signed reviews! Thus, I cannot reply to your comments and questions. Do know I really appreciate your support.

**Disclaimer:** Ehm…

**Twenty-Four: The Birds and the Bees***

Erin did not come home the next day either. Or the day after that one. It was like Mary had feared all along: she knew her daughter well enough to know that when there was something that really ticked her off, it would take time before she would see reason. The girl was just like Sirius when it came to that, and although Mary was far from happy that Erin was avoiding all contact with them, it was somewhat soothing to realize that, like Sirius, Erin would come around eventually.

Mary also knew that her daughter was not in danger; she was still staying over at the main house with Diego and Guido, even though Erin made sure not to show up at dinner whenever Mary or Sirius was there. And Oliver simply refused to talk about his sister. It was hard. Mary could not remember spending a single day without having both her children around. The only thought that kept her going was the belief that when Erin would finally return home one night, everything would be okay. Then she would finally listen to what her parents had to say and understand. That's all Mary wanted anyway: a chance to explain.

But the Friday afternoon she came home from another long day at the hospital turned out to be somewhat different. She expected to be walking into an empty house; Oliver had already left for Quidditch practice and Mary had no idea where Sirius was (he had a habit of disappearing in the jungle for a few days doing Merlin knows what), so it was a rather unexpected surprise to find Erin's bag on the floor by the door. Erin herself was in the living room, sitting cross-legged on the couch with her books, parchment and a half-empty glass of what looked like mango juice scattered around her.

She looked up when Mary entered the room; for a brief moment they just stared at each other and Mary knew she could not hide the shock in her eyes. The tension between them was almost tangible and the only way to break it was to say something, but her mind appeared to be completely blank. "Y-you're home," she stammered at last.

That was stating the obvious. Erin seemed to think so too, because she just frowned and got back to writing something down on a scrap of parchment.

"I'm glad you did, though," Mary continued, recovering quickly while thinking she had better handle this light-heartedly and decided to make a little joke. "I was starting to think you had forgotten about us already."

Erin did not say anything; she remained impassive and was staring down at her parchment, although her quill wasn't moving.

Mary sighed inwardly; finally realizing this was not going to be easy. Still, she wasn't going to give up. "What are you working on?"

"Cheering Charms."

"And how are you getting on?"

"It's _Charms_, mum. I can handle it just fine," she said coolly before indistinctly adding (even though Mary still heard), "and even if I didn't, I sure wouldn't ask you."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"No, it's not nothing, Erin. Clearly you hate to be at home, so why did you come back?"

Erin did not reply and doodled on the edge of her parchment. At last, she sighed. "Because he made me to," she mumbled.

Mary shot her a close look. "Who, Diego?" When her daughter did not respond again, she walked over to her and sat down on the edge of the couch. "Did you guys have a row?" she asked quietly.

Erin jumped up, snapped her parchment between her books and grabbed her quill before stalking off to her room without saying a word, leaving Mary behind on her own. The bang of the door being slammed shut made her cringe. This was turning into a disaster. Normally she would have never allowed to let her children behave like this (in fact, _she_ would have been the one to send Erin off to her room), but it was different this time. Mary heaved another sigh while asking herself (not for the first time) where Sirius was in all of this, before her eyes fell onto an object on the table: Erin's wand. Without it she could never finish her Charms assignment.

After another moment of hesitation, Mary picked it up and headed over to Erin's room. She knocked twice and, unsurprisingly, when she did not get a response, she carefully opened the door. Erin was stretched out on her bed and stared out of the window. "What do you want?"

"Love, you forgot your wand," Mary said as she walked over to the bed. When Erin simply snatched the wand out of her hands before crossing her arms and turning back to the window, Mary suppressed the urge to grind her teeth and stayed where she was. She was starting to lose her patience with her daughter and crossed her arms. "Erin, if you want to talk about it…"

"I don't."

"Fine, but then you're going to listen to me. What you saw the other day-"

"Oh Merlin's Beard, is this the moment where you're going to tell me about the birds and the bees? Because I already know all that, okay? I'm not stupid."

"Of course you're not, but… I understand it must be difficult for you to deal with the fact that we…"

She rolled her eyes before turning back to the window. "Slept together? You can say the words aloud, mum. I'm not three anymore."

Mary couldn't help but smile. "No, you're thirteen, which is still way too young to be worrying about stuff like that. But yes, your father and I had… some catching up to do, if you will. Listen, I know you're angry with us and from your point of view, I understand. But all I'm asking is that you give Sirius a chance."

"It's not Sirius I'm angry with."

"Oh," she said, taken aback. Erin's cold words felt like a stone being plunged into her stomach. "I see. Why do you blame me, then?"

Erin didn't say anything for a long time. At last, she slowly turned back and for the first time in days, actually looked at her mother. "What's not to blame? My entire life has been a lie. I didn't know the whole truth. You never talked about your past and I always thought that was because it would be too painful. When I asked Fabio, he agreed, so I repeatedly made Oliver promise he wouldn't ask you anything. Did he even know?"

"Yes, he knew," Mary replied quietly, instantly knowing it was Fabio who Erin was referring to.

"And then, all at once, you _do_ start talking about the past. About dad being a murderer who betrayed his best friends… I didn't really get why you told us that – why then? -, but in a way I could finally understand why you had to leave England. But then… _Then_ it turns out Sirius is not a traitor after all."

"I didn't know that at the time."

"But you left him when he was sent off to prison. How could you do that?"

"Erin, you don't know what it was like to be there. Everyone in our world thought he was guilty as sin."

"I don't CARE about everyone else! You made me believe he was a bad man. You made me hate him, hate myself!"

"Erin, honey…"

"Everything about my life is a lie," she cried with angry tears shimmering in her eyes. "I don't know what it's like living in England, I don't really know my father and instead got saddled with some kind of substitute-"

Mary felt a surge of outrage on Fabio's behalf. "That's enough! You don't really mean that. You loved Fabio."

"Maybe I did, but it's not the same thing as having a real dad."

"I know, but-"

"And you did that to me, to us! Oliver might prefer keeping it to himself, but he's angry with you too."

The comment about Oliver was hurtful, but outwardly Mary managed to keep cool. "I suppose it's somewhat relieving to have a scapegoat, but please understand that all I ever wanted for you was to have a safe and happy life."

Erin made a scornful sound and rolled over to the other side of her bed so that she was showing her back. "Well, looks like you've done a great job."

Mary stepped forward and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Sweetie-"

She shook her off. "Leave me alone!"

"Fine," she said curtly, finally giving up and taking a step back. "But this conversation isn't over. You and I will talk about this again. And to make sure you won't run off tonight, I will put a Housebound-charm on your room. Don't even try to break it, because every failed attempt will only intensify the spell."

Erin didn't move or say anything and Mary took this as a silent consent. Considering she was already the most hated person in Erin's world at the moment, taking a measure like this wouldn't hurt anyone. And by making it simply impossible for Erin to leave the house, Mary could be sure that she would not do anything rash, such as sneaking into Roberto's study and travelling over to England on the Floo Network all by herself.

Mary left Erin's room and closed the door behind her. She made some sandwiches for herself and put another plate down in front of Erin's door. After sealing her bedroom and practically every other room in the house (just to be on the safe side) Mary quickly changed into some old jeans and a simple white tank top and walked outside. She needed to put her mind off things and headed straight to the stables.

Some of the horses and a few Aethonons were grazing in one of the surrounding meadows. Augusto was among them and he spotted her from far off; he whinnied before trotting over towards the gate to greet her. "Hey Gus," Mary said fondly while roaming the horse's golden manes. "How about it, handsome? Are you up for a ride?"

* * *

It took over two hours of galloping around the fields and a visit to Fabio's grave before Mary could make herself go back to the stables and another hour to dry off the sweaty and tired horse. It was already dusk when she finally took Augustus back to the meadow. The evening air was pleasantly warm and sweltering, with just the faintest salty smell of the ocean in the air. The horse seemed reluctant to leave and lingered near the gate. Mary smiled and tickled him behind the ears, making him snort contently. "Sorry I haven't been around more lately, but life's been complicated." She sighed. "I've missed you, though."

"Not as much as you missed me, I hope."

Mary jumped. Sirius was standing only a few feet behind her, looking pleased for scaring her like that. "You really ought to stop doing that."

He grinned. "I can't help myself, love. You look so beautiful when you're not aware of anyone else being around."

Mary blushed, turning Sirius's grin into an arrogant smirk. If he looked any more pleased with himself, he'd fly off without being in need of a broom. She cursed herself that after all those years she still turned red when a man made her a compliment and turned towards Augusto to hide her flaming cheeks.

"Now who's this?" Sirius asked, dropping the subject.

"My horse, Augusto."

"I thought that as much. I've seen you riding him before." Sirius suddenly stepped up next to her and patted the horse's neck. Surprisingly, Augusto let him.

Mary looked so stunned that it made Sirius laugh. "What?"

"I can't believe this! Gus being okay with you touching him, that's… You know, Fabio couldn't even get near him."

The merest mention of Fabio wiped the smile off his face. "What does he have to do with this?"

"Quite a lot. He's the one who gave the horse to me when I got here."

"Because he couldn't deal with it himself? That's very generous of him."

Mary rolled her eyes. "_Because_ Augusto had been badly treated and since I wasn't exactly in the happiest place either, Fabio thought we could Heal each other."

Sirius snorted. "How very New Age."

"That may be, but it did work. I managed to win Gus's trust eventually and he's been my most loyal friend for many years now. He's pretty good with children too, although, like Unicorns, he never tolerates adult men around him, which is why it's so striking that he doesn't mind you touching him."

Sirius, who was still stroking Augusto's nose, arched an eyebrow. "Meaning I've got too much of a feminine side?"

"Meaning you're really good with animals. First Coco, now Augusto… It's a real gift, Sirius."

He chuckled and watched as Augusto finally lost interest in them and turned away to graze. "I've got a Hippogriff over in my cabin."

Her jaw dropped. "A Hippogriff? How in Merlin's name-? I mean, those creatures don't even live here."

"How else did you think I got here?"

"I, well…" She frowned at him, realizing she never really asked him that (among other things). "Where were you these last few days?"

He avoided her gaze. "I've been busy."

She raised her eyebrows. "With what?"

"Can't say."

"Is that so?" Well, for your information: while you were playing around in the jungle, Erin has finally decided to come home. But she's still furious with us. Or me, actually."

"Right," he nodded earnestly. "Yes, I thought that might happen."

"You _knew_?"

Sirius shot her a look. "Yeah, she told me." When he noticed that Mary looked too gobsmacked to say anything, he added defensively: "Erin came to see me. What was I supposed to do?"

Mary let out a mirthless laugh. "If you still have to _think_ about that, then I don't know what-"

"-Look Mary, can we talk about this later? I've come down to warn you."

She glared at him, feeling even more annoyed now that he dared to change the subject so abruptly. "About what?"

"Roberto has returned."

* * *

Mary was positively seething with anger by the time they were sitting in front of Roberto in his office. Or sitting, she was standing near the back by the window, only half-listening to what the two men were discussing. She still could not believe Sirius had been meeting Erin in secret, even though he knew she had been worrying sick and having sleepless nights. What was bothering her even more was that Sirius had not defended her in front of Erin. Was he going to let her take all the blame instead?

Sirius had refused to discuss it before they had paid Roberto a visit, or so he said. He said that whatever she had to yell at him about, it would have to wait. As a result they did not say a single a word to each other on their way to the main house. Part of Mary wanted to hit him for not realizing that they should act as a team, especially in front of the children. And now she had been pouting near the back of the room for the last fifteen minutes. Mary was still glaring at Sirius's back, secretly hoping her intense gaze would burn two smoking black holes in the back of his T-Shirt, when she caught the words "letter" and "Dumbledore" and looked up.

"I must say I've been very intrigued for the last few days," Roberto was saying. "Ever since I received this owl." He pulled a tiny and crumpled piece of parchment from his pocket and placed it on the table.

"_Roberto, my dear friend. On the day you will return to the ranch, just listen. – Albus,_" Sirius read aloud when he had pulled the parchment towards him. He looked up. "Dumbledore; not a man of many words, eh?"

"Wise men rarely are," Roberto said with a small smile. "They require few words to say what needs to be said."

Sirius shook his head, smiling wryly. "Touché."

"And speaking in riddles has its benefits. For one, not many people know what it is about. Two, I was more than eager to come home. Three, even though I did not know what to expect, Albus's letter suggested that it had something to do with Mary. Finally, I know that after all those years, I am never wrong to trust Albus. So I was not too worried, just curious."

"And now…?"

"Now Sirius, I must pay you my humble respect. If what you say about that other friend of yours, this Pettigrew, is true, then you were falsely accused and framed in the most horrible way possible, while the true rat still roams free.

"Rat in more than one way," Sirius growled.

It was a good thing Roberto failed to notice the truth in his last bitter statement, because he was too busy looking at Mary. "And you, Mary… I owe you an apology as well. Apparently you were right to believe in Sirius's innocence all along. I was wrong."

"That's okay," Mary mumbled and stared at her feet, feeling very uncomfortable with Roberto's kind words. It just seemed unnatural for him to apologize to her so directly.

"You and every other wizard on the planet," Sirius noted sarcastically in a poor attempt to break the sudden tension in the office.

"Indeed," Roberto nodded grimly and ran a hand through his greying hair. "Wizarding societies all over the world have been led to believe this lie for over a decade. Let me tell you, Sirius, if you ever end up in court again, I will testify in order to clear your name."

"What do you mean, again? I never had a trial."

Roberto's dark eyes were glinting dangerously when he muttered something in Portuguese that included the word "Escandaloso", which Mary understood as "Outrageous!".

"Err, I appreciate that," Sirius said, making it pretty clear that he did not have a clue about what Roberto had just said.

"And of course you are welcome to stay within our community, as long as you help the others on the ranch. I'm sure Sayid would not mind another pair of strong hands. Also, considering you have been sneaking around here for a few days before finally showing yourself to Mary, I'd like to get a full report on how we can improve the security on our borders. Think you can handle that?"

"That shouldn't be a problem."

"Terrific," Roberto nodded. "Now tell me, exactly how many people know that you've come here?"

"Dumbledore, Erin," Sirius replied, ticking the names off on his fingers, "both your sons, Oliver, Jonathan…"

Mary cleared her throat. "And Fi. Fiona knows too, Roberto."

"Merlin help us," he said, referring to Fiona's fondness of gossiping. He then scratched his head and scribbled all the names down on the back of Dumbledore's letter. "Okay, anyone else?"

"I don't think so," Mary said.

"Right then. We'll inform the others at breakfast," Roberto said matter-of-factly and got up from his seat, forcing Sirius to follow his example. He held out his hand and Sirius shook it. "Welcome at Rancho Borboleta, my son."

* * *

The air was still warm when they got outside, but there was a cool wind that made Mary cross her arms in front of her chest and rub her arms in order to warm up slightly. She remained reticent on their way back to her cabin and Sirius seemed to wait for her to break the silence first. When she didn't say anything and they were walking up the last hill that led up to her house, he suddenly made up his mind and stepped in front of her, forcing her to stand still. "You're mad at me."

"You think?" she asked, looking at him incredulously. His tactless statement almost made her burst into hysterical laughter. If it wasn't so completely and utterly hideous.

"I know you don't understand why I didn't tell you about Erin." He sighed. "I didn't know what to do at first either, but then I thought- No listen," he said, reading the look on her face, "then I thought: she's come to _me_. This is my chance to talk to Erin, share our thoughts… And in the meantime, I could show her that you were a victim of what happened in England as much as anyone else."

Mary snorted angrily. "Oh, really? And how's that going for you?"

"We haven't really come to that last part yet."

"Haven't you? Well, I'd never have guessed. Maybe that's why Erin still hates my guts!"

"She doesn't hate you, Mare. She just… doesn't understand things yet."

"And what about Oliver?"

He looked at her curiously. "What about him?"

"Erin says he's pissed off at me as well. Have you been meeting my son in secret too, trying to set him up against me?"

"_What?!_" Sirius closed his eyes for a moment. "No, of course not! It's never been like this, I could never do that to you. Besides, it's simply impossible, because they might not show it now, but your children love you to death. You must know that."

He was holding her upper arms so she was forced to look him in the eye. Mary didn't want to, but she could feel a surge of emotion rise up in her chest. She swallowed and looked away, feeling grateful for the cool breeze blowing her hair around her face, shielding her tears from view.

Sirius stroke a few locks from her forehead and sighed. "Godric, what I would give to see you carefree and happy again."

Mary removed herself from his grip and turned away while angrily brushing the tears from her eyes. "You haven't seen me completely carefree ever since we left Hogwarts, Sirius."

She continued to head up the hill when Sirius pulled her back and hugged her from behind. "Don't ask me why," he murmured against her ear, "But I have a feeling everything will turn out fine. Think about it, love, things couldn't possible get worse for us than this."

Despite herself, Mary felt the corners if her mouth twitch. She turned around and was about to tell Sirius he'd better be right about this when she noticed the absent look in his eyes. He seemed to be miles away. Was he reliving another memory? Mary continued to watch him closely, wondering what was the best thing to do in this situation and whether it would hurt to move but for the moment, she was standing completely still, until Sirius suddenly blinked. At first he didn't seem to know where he was and he looked around in bewilderment. When his eyes finally found Mary's, he was smiling.

"Were you having another memory?"

"Erin," Sirius said, looking blissfully happy. "I saw Erin."

"You did, huh?"

"Yeah, I just relived the day she was born. Oh Merlin Mare, it was so beautiful. _You_ were beautiful."

She wrinkled her nose. "Really? I mostly remember enduring the hellish pains that accompany giving birth."

He looked puzzled. "But… Don't you at all remember the moment afterwards? You know, just the three of us together before the others came into the room? When we thought of her name?"

Mary sighed and rolled her eyes at him. "Oh, of course I do. I just can't believe you had forgotten all about it."

Sirius let go and put his hands in his pockets, looking defensive. "What do you want me to say? Dementors can be a real pain in the ass."

"I know. I'm sorry I said that. But I'm starting to wonder if it would be better to tell you all about our past life together."

His eyes started to twinkle mischievously when they walked on. "Why, love? Why tell me everything when there's the joy of reliving them myself?"

She shook her head, smiling, when they got to the top of the hill and their house came in full view. The light in Erin's room was still on. If Mary was truly honest with herself, she was dreading to go inside. She glanced at Sirius, who was still looking at her and wondered if he could still read her mind like he used to. She sighed. "Well, at least some of us still know how to have fun."

**- End of Update -**

_* Song from the title: The Birds and the Bees by Jewel Akens._


	26. TwentyFive: Smells Like Teen Spirit

**Author's Note: **Long, long, _long_ time without an update on this fic. My sincere apologies for the delay, but I have a damn good excuse! Most of you already know why it took so long. My relationship ended and then, to make things perfect, my brand new Mac crashed completely.

So I was without a computer for over three weeks. I have it back now, but all my Word-files are lost, including several updates on this fan fic. Consequently, I had to retype this entire text in TextEditor (no spell check), so if there are more typo's and grammar mistakes in this update than usual, blame Apple :P

**Dedication:** To my newest reviewer WinterLizzy, who's read this entire fic in one afternoon. Respect!

**Disclaimer:** Ehm…

**Twenty-Five: Smells Like Teen Spirit ***

Awkward.

If Sirius had to name one word to describe the atmosphere in the room, it would have to be awkward. It was kind of surreal when you thought about it, because typically, his current situation was just one of the many daily activities in the life of an ordinary man. But Sirius was no ordinary man. To him, having dinner with his family was something to remember, if not cherish.

It was the first night the four of them were having dinner at Mary's cabin. The previous nights they had eaten at the main house, together with everyone else. By now everyone was used to Sirius's presence on Borboleta. The first moments had been very uncomfortable; after Roberto had finished his speech, people were staring from every direction but did not come up to him to ask questions. It was only after another few days that he started to feel more welcome, when - aside from Jonathan and Fiona - Sayid and Butch invited him to sit at their table. Sirius instantly knew he and the Iranian man were never really going to hit it off, but considering they would be working together, it was good to know they could tolerate each other at the very least.

Tonight was the first time he and his family - _family_, it still felt weird to think about them that way - were having a private dinner, which had been his idea. Things were still pretty testy between Mary and Erin; Sirius had hoped eating like a real family might lighten things up a little, but so far, no one was laughing. In fact, they were all dead silent. Mary had just served the first course (veal-tea), which he really liked, but it did not seem to be up to everyone's taste.

When Mary was refilling her glass with white elf-wine, Erin reached for the saltcellar and started adding salt to her soup. One shake, two shakes, three... And it didn't look like she was about to stop anytime soon. This of course did not go by unnoticed. "Erin," Mary said as she slowly lowered the carafe, "what are you doing?"

"I don't taste anything," she replied while adding another shake of salt.

Sirius could hear Mary grinding her teeth next to him. "That is quite enough salt."

Erin did not say anything but continued to shake the saltcellar nevertheless. Up and down, up and down.

Oliver was following the scene with a fascinated look on his face and Sirius started to wonder if he should say anything about this, but Mary seemed perfectly capable of handling this on her own. "Erin," she said, not even trying to hide her annoyance, "put the salt down. _Now_."

Her daughter added one last shake of salt with a flourish before putting the cellar back down. Then she looked up and shot her mother a challenging look, but Mary did not even flinch. "Well?" she demanded. "Go on."

Erin blinked. "But-"

"You thought your soup tasted of nothing before? Well, I'm sure it will taste like something now."

Oliver sniggered, but Mary silenced him too with a single look. "Erin, eat your soup."

At first Erin expected her mother to stop her at one point, but when that moment didn't come, she gingerly lifted a spoonful of her salted soup and put it in her mouth. She immediately pulled a face before swallowing it down with watery eyes. She wiped her mouth and looked at her mother again.

"Tasty?" Mary asked sweetly.

"'s Fine," Erin gasped.

"I'm glad to hear it, because you are going to eat it all."

Both Erin and Oliver looked at her with big eyes and even Sirius thought this was madness. "Mary..." he said, reaching for her hand under the table.

She ignored him. "Better hurry, love, or it will get cold."

Erin gulped. "But the salt..."

"-Might be a little too much? You should have thought of that before you decided to drain the entire Dead Sea in your soup."

She looked down at her bowl and stirred the content with a miserable look on her face. "Mum..."

"You can beg all you want, young lady, but you're not leaving this table before you've finished your plate."

Erin glared at her and Mary stared back; it was impossible who looked more angry. Then Erin lifted her spoon again and - with a determined look in her eyes - started to eat her soup at top speed. With every spoonful she had to gag and by the end, the tears were literally streaming down her face, but she finished her plate in the end. By then Mary had already conjured a tall glas of water to wash away most of the salt. Erin downed the glass in one go.

"There," Mary said as she cleaned the table with a wave of her wand. "Had enough?"

Erin didn't answer at first. She refilled her glass of water and after finishing that one too, she asked: "Can I be excused?"

Her voice sounded raspy and Sirius felt bad for her. Mary's face on the other hand remained impassive. "I would think so," she said. "Go to your bedroom and stay there."

Erin pushed back her chair and stalked off towards Oliver's room (whose bedroom window wasn't locked by magic), but her mother was onto that, too. "The _other_ bedroom."

Erin looked she was about to explode when she changed direction without another word and entered her own room before banging the door shut.

Needless to say, the rest of their dinner was far from pleasant. Sirius's attempts to lighten the mood with jokes and some funny Marauder-anecdotes he _did_ remember did not work. Oliver listened politely to his stories and even laughed at the right moments, but his eyes kept flashing to his mother at the other end of the table, who was listlessly pushing her duck a l'orange around on her plate.

By the time Sirius was cleaning up the dishes with Oliver in the kitchen and Mary was preparing for work (she was having the nightshift at the hospital), he had given up. The second after Oliver had put the last plate in the magic cabinet, he turned to him. "Can I go back to the beach?"

Sirius was momentarily distracted by a flushed-looking Mary, who had just changed into her uniform. He still didn't understand why wizards didn't wear robes in Brazil, but thought these hospital-uniforms were kinda hot, especially on someone like Mary. "Ehm sure, why not?"

"Awesome, I'll be back by nightfall, I swear. Thanks Sid!"

He groaned, closed his eyes and was about to say something about it, but Oliver was already halfway the door. "Bye mum!"

"Bye," she replied absent-mindedly before putting her large bag on the table and started to chuck in several things at a time.

Sirius watched her silently until he couldn't stay silent any longer. "Are you alright?"

Mary looked up briefly. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"You don't look alright."

She sighed while impatiently rummaging through her bag. "Sirius, don't. I'm getting late and- damn it, where is my wand?"

Sirius stepped forward and retrieved the wand right from under the bag. He handed it to her, but did not let go yet. "Talk to me."

She finally looked up and he immediately saw the sadness in her eyes. "What do you want me to say?"

"That scene with Erin, do we need to talk about that?"

"No. Yes." She cringed. "Maybe, but not now."

"Mare, come on..."

Another sigh. "My daughter and I used to go along perfectly, but ever since you showed up she has been a complete pain. Erin was only messing up her soup because she knew I spent hours preparing it. She did it on purpose, Sirius."

"But why?"

"Merlin knows, to bug the hell out of me probably. Well, I've had it with her. Enough is enough."

Sirius cocked his head to the side. "The salt-thing, though..."

She closed her eyes and, not the first time, Sirius noticed how tired and weary she looked. "Was too much, right?"

He merely nodded and she groaned. "I shouldn't have let her eat the entire thing, I know, but... It was too late. I couldn't go back by then."

"Says who?"

"I do." She stared at him, biting her lip. "I would have lost all her respect. At least now..."

"-She was forced to leave without having had a proper supper and is probably as thirsty as a horse?"

Mary rubbed her eyes before heaving another deep sigh. "I see what you mean. Here," she said, grabbing her wand and waving it around so that a plate of smoked beef and cucumber-sandwiches (Erin's favourite) appeared on the table. "I really have to go now."

She turned to leave, but Sirius suddenly pulled her towards him. He could feel her relax slightly in his embrace when he said: "We'll figure this out, love, it's going to be okay."

Mary removed his arms from her waist and swung the handle of her bag over her shoulder. "Yeah," she said morosely, "When you've finally figured out how, give me a Patronus."

* * *

Twenty minutes later, while balancing the tray of sandwiches and a glass of lemonade in the air with his wand, Sirius knocked softly on Erin's door. When there was no immediate answer, he decided to open the door anyway. "Psst," he whispered when he reached the bed where Erin was sitting crosslegged with a book on her knees, "Wanna get out of here?"

She looked up, the evening sunlight from the window reflecting on her dark brown hair. "How could we as long as the Wicked Witch of the West still has this room locked like a freaking bastion?"

Sirius laughed and walked towards the window. "Let's just say there are benefits to knowing this Wicked Witch like the back of your hand." He momentarily grabbed hold of the tray with his one hand and used the other to break the spell. "After you."

Erin looked at him increduously, but after another moment, she hopped off the bed and to clamber through the window. Sirius climbed through after her while the tray was floating in the air beside him. When he was standing straight again, he wiped the dust from his pants. "Walk with me."

They crossed several meadows until they reached the path that would lead them deeper into the forest. Sirius wondered if Erin knew it was quite risky to get so close to the border of the property, but if she did, she was determined not to show she was afraid. She didn't need to worry, though; Sirius had no intention to go all the way to the border _or_ bring his daughter in any danger. He stopped walking when they were standing on the edge of a flowery field. The late evening sun was making the pink flowers appear almost purple. Sirius sat down on a nearby tree stump and after another moment, Erin followed.

He put the tray down between them. "I reckon you must be pretty hungry by now."

Erin cleared her throat. "Thirsty, more like."

"Ah, I took care of that, too." He handed the glass of lemonade over and watched her drink for a moment. "So how are you?"

Erin shrugged and reached for a sandwich. "Smoked beef and cucumber?" she said in surprise. "How did you know that?"

"I didn't. Your mother prepared them for you."

"Oh." Her face fell slightly.

Sirius stared ahead and spotted a herd of deer ahead. "Look," he whispered while pointing to the other end of the field.

Erin followed his finger and gasped. "Wow, they're so pretty!" She chuckled. "You know, when he was about seven years old, Oliver found a young deer once. Its mother had left him and he was about to die. So Oliver took care of it, wouldn't leave its side. Mum wasn't too happy about it, but he was determined to make him live. Of course he didn't have a clue what he was doing, so only when Fabio helped him did it work. They released the healthy deer together a few months later." She smiled at the memory. "So cute."

He had been fascinated by Erin's story until the name of Fabio came up. Once again it was emphasized how much he had missed in his children's lives. Once again this Fabio had beat him to it. He forced himself to realize this was not Erin's fault and he smiled at her, but she'd already seen the previous dark look in his eyes. "You don't like hearing about stuff like this?"

"No, it's not like that." He rested his back against a tall tree. "I love listening to stories about you and Oliver being young. But..." He hesitated, wondering if this was the sort of thing to discuss with your twelve year-old daughter. Probably not. "I don't like to hear about Fabio," he admitted anyway.

"Oh." Erin scratched her nose thoughtfully and for a moment, she looked just like Mary. It made Sirius smile.

"I prefer pretending he doesn't exist in those memories, you see," he clarified more kindly while Erin grabbed another sandwich from the plate.

She swallowed a mouthful while watching the herd that was slowly dissapearing into the forest. "Fabio was a good man, but he was never my father. I never looked at him that way anyway. He was more like... like a cool uncle, like Jonathan."

He looked at her in wonder. "Really?"

She nodded. "He was like a dad to Oliver, but not me... I used to cross my fingers and hope you would show up the next day every night I went to sleep, but you never came."

"Oh love, you know-"

"I _know_ now that was just impossible, but this is exactly why I hate mum."

"You dont hate her."

"Well, maybe not, but she lied. She has lied to my face every time I asked about you and made me believe that lie."

By now there were tears shimmering in those big grey eyes, so like his own, and Sirius leaned over to put a hand on her shoulder. "She only did that to protect you from feeling hurt."

She looked at him. "But what about you?! You must be furious that she ran off and left you for dead in that... that Azapan."

"Azkaban," he corrected softly.

"Yeah, that place. Don't you hate her for that?"

For the second time that night Sirius wondered if he should be honest. He ran a hand through his hair. "I did," he said sincerely. "Part of me still does. But I just realized I love her more."

Erin sniffed. "Why?"

"Because one night Mary made me see that she did exactly what I made her promise me all those years ago; she would have to bring herself and you to safety, no matter what happened to me."

"But she _left_."

"Yes," Sirius said, "worse, the people we were working with made me believe both of you had been killed by Death Eaters."

"She shouldn't have left you," Erin said, shaking her head vehemently.

"On the contrary, didn't you hear what I said? _I_ made her promise."

"Whatever, it still was her own choice to stay or go."

"True, true" Sirius nodded. "The thing with crucial choices is that they always have severe consequences. We all made mistakes... I'm a perfect example of that," he said, thinking of James and Lily. He smiled at his daughter. "You're still young, Erin, you wouldn't understand. But I do think it's time to stop blaming your mother for everything that was and will never be. All she ever did was trying to keep you and your brother safe."

She fidgeted with the hem of her sleeve, another thing that reminded him of a younger Mary. Apparently they were more alike than he thought after all. "I mean it, Erin. Give her a break, or at least listen to what she has to say."

Erin still didn't say anything, but after another moment, she nodded. "Great," Sirius said as he got up from the tree trunk. "It's growing dark. We should be heading home."

They were walking down the path in silence, each drowned in their own thoughts when an insistent hoot pulled them both back to the present. Erin glanced up at the dark sky. "Is that a... owl?"

Sirius didn't need to answer that question because a snow-white owl was already coming into sight. When Hedwig had landed on his outstretched arm and he was untying the letter on her talon, Erin was staring at the bird in wonder. "It's so white," she said admiringly while stroking its feathers as Hedwig hooted softly. "I've never seen anything like it. What's it called?"

"Hedwig," he replied. "She's my godson's owl." Too late did he realize that, aside from Mary, no one on the ranch really knew about Harry.

"Godson?," Erin asked, looking up in surprise. "You have a godson?"

"Yes," Sirius said shortly while putting the letter in his pocket. "He lives in England."

"Does he know you're innocent?"

"Yes. Look- It's getting really dark now. I must take you home. We can talk about this another time, okay?"

Erin looked like she was dying with curiosity, but she nodded obediently and gave Hedwig one last stroke before she walked on. "She's gorgeous. Can we take care of her?"

Sirius nodded absent-mindedly while thinking what Harry could be writing him about this time. "Hedwig usually flies off on her own accord once she's rested long enough, but until that moment comes, sure. She's all yours."

"Cool!"

They headed back to the cabin in silence. After Sirius helped Erin up her bedroom window and had given Hedwig to her, he leaned his elbows on the window sill. "I am going to have to place the Locking Charm on your room again."

Erin, who had just put Hedwig down on the side of her desk, looked disappointed. "Ahhh, why?" she asked while heading back to the window.

"To be sure you won't go off running into the jungle, of course!" He joked before continuing in a more serious voice: "Look at it this way, the sooner you talk to your mother, the sooner things will be back to normal."

She jokingly rolled her eyes, sighed and heaved a heavy sigh. "Okaaaay."

"I mean it, Erin. Tell me you'll listen."

Erin kneeled down in front of the window so that they were finally at eye level. "I promise," she whispered sincerely.

Sirius pulled her into a close hug. When he heard her whisper "I love you, daddy", he thought his heart would melt.

* * *

Harry's owl was practically burning in the pocket by the time Sirius had said his goodbyes to Erin. He quickly disapparated to the deserted cabin in the jungle and headed inside. Buckbeak, who had crawled up in his favorite corner, raised its head. "You were sleeping?" Sirius asked. "Sorry for waking you, old boy."

Buckbeak blinked at him and put his head back down, resting his beak on his front talons. Sirius conjured himself a nice glass of Exquisito di Cinamomo - over the last weeks he had come to appreciate the native drink that tasted so oddly and made his throat burn like that time he downed an entire bottle Firewhiskey with James - and flopped down on his unmade bed. Only then did he finally unfold the parchment:

_Dear Sirius,_

_Thanks for your last letter, that bird was enormous,_

_it could hardly get through my window._

_ Things are the same as usual here. Dudley's diet isn't _

_going too well. My aunt found him snuggling doughnuts into _

_his room yesterday. They told him they'd have to cut his pocket_

_money if he keeps doing it, so he got really angry and chucked_

_his PlayStation out of the window. That's sort of a computer_

_thing you can play games on. Bit stupid really, now he hasn't even_

_got Mega-Mutilation Part Three to take his mind off things._

_ I'm OK, mainly because the Dursleys are terrified you might _

_turn up and turn them all into bats if I ask you to._

_ A weird thing happened this morning though. My scar hurt again._

_Last time that happened was because Voldemort was at Hogwarts._

_But I can't reckon he can be anywhere near me now, can he? Do_

_you know if curse scars sometimes hurt years afterwards?_

_ I'll send this with Hedwig when she gets back, she's off hunting _

_at the moment. Say hello to Buckbeak for me._

_Harry_

The next and final paragraph of the owl looked messier, like it had been written down in haste.

_If you want to contact me, I'll be at my friend Ron Weasley's for the rest of Summer. His dad's got us tickets for the Quiddith World Cup!_

He carefully read the letter another time before he finally looked up, frowning. If Harry's scar was hurting like he said it was, then something definitely must be going on. Sirius did not know much about scars in general, let alone those who were caused by a curse, but aches like that did not happen for no good reason. It was not unlikely that the scar was linked to the perpetrator and vice versa on some level.

Sirius scratched his chin. All of this was giving him an unpleasant feeling in his stomach. He was all the way over here, Harry in England: if something bad happened, there was no way he could be there soon to help him. He did realize that Harry was not all by himself. Dumbledore would always be on the look out, and he was sure Remus would never be far away either. But still... As his Godfather, shouldn't he be around to protect him from harm as well? Sirius sighed and lay down on his squeaky mattress. He needed to think about this. The trouble with nightly worries, however, is that they have the annoying tendency to keep you from getting any sleep.

* * *

The next day, Sirius spent the day in the burning sun with Butch, Jonathan and Sayid as they attempted to repair and strenghten the fence near the North-East border. He would have liked using the relatively peace of this afternoon to ponder some more over what he should do about Harry. But this proved to be impossible since Jonathan couldn't stop talking about the party later that night (Roberto was throwing a small party for the other South-American wizard communities the ranch was doing business with), where he was finally introducing his boyfriend to everyone else. Sirius found it difficult to imagine Jonathan with another man at the best of times, but after an entire day of hearing him talk about whether he should wear the blue or the green tie, Sirius was vividly imagining to use that tie for a whole different purpose. _Anything_ to shut him up.

Luckily, he wasn't the only one who had enough of Jonathan's rambling. Right when Sirius thought he couldn't take anymore, Butch suddenly let out a furious cry while pounding a heavy pole in the ground with a single slash of his wand. "One more word out of you, McLaggen," he growled, "and I'll be using you as a pole next."

Later that night, Sirius changed into his party clothing; something that Mary (probably with the assistance of Fiona) had collected for him. The outfit existed of a pair of white linen pants, neat shoes and a dark grey blouse. Again no dress robes, which - although he still thought it was extremely weird - he was grateful for. It was still bloody hot outside. He was supposed to meet Mary at the beginning of the rocky road leading to the main house. He arrived there early, feeling slightly nervous (although he could not explain why). He had not seen her all day (she had been working at the stables), and he wondered what she would look like.

And there she was. His heart skipped a beat when Mary finally appeared from the trees and walked over towards him. She was in high heels, wearing a long lilac dress with a halter top that flattered her figure immensely and her hair was tied up in a complicated-looking knot: in short, she was stunning. And that was not just it, Sirius suddenly realized. She was smiling broadly and looked happier than he had seen her in days. She truly was a grown-up woman now; confident and strong. And then, without warning, a sudden thought struck: he could travel back to England and find out more about Harry's scar, and Mary would still be alright. She didn't need him here all the time. She and the kids would be fine. And just like that, Sirius had made up his mind. He was going back to England to help out Harry as soon as possible. Now all he had to do was find a way to break the news to Mary.

**- End of Update -**

_Song from the title: Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana._


	27. TwentySix: Wicked World

**Author's Note: **I am terribly sorry for the long delay between updates. I should have gotten this up here way sooner, but time seems to be playing tricks on me and skipping weeks without telling me. Anyway, here you are. Enjoy!

**Dedication:** To PopPopPopsicles: your review made my day!

**Disclaimer: **Sadly, still nothing…

**Twenty-Six: Wicked World**** ***

This was going to be a amazing night, Mary happily thought to herself when she was making her way down the path to Sirius, standing a little ahead. He was staring ahead while rocking back and forth on his feet with his hands in his pockets, indicating that he was pondering over something. Mary wondered if he had seen her at all, but then he was suddenly looking up and smiling. She smiled back and continued to head down, but the path was rather rocky and she had to really focus to keep herself from tripping over her feet.

But Mary was feeling truly beautiful tonight, and not without reason: she put a lot of effort on her outfit after all. It had taken her a whole hour to get her hair to stay up the way she wanted; it was kind of tricky to base a hairdo on nothing more than an old picture and it had required Erin's help in the end. She hoped it was worth it, though. It had to be.

"Look at you," Sirius said admiringly, holding out his hand when Mary finally made it down to the road.

Even though she was still being careful, Mary skidded over a small rock right when she took his hand; she shrieked, but Sirius reacted quickly and steadied her with apparent ease. "Careful there," he said, his grip strong and reassuring.

"Thanks," Mary grinned, blushing slightly as she tried to regain her composure. She suddenly found herself thinking of their very first encounter in their seventh year, when she almost tumbled off the Hogwarts Express and Sirius had caught her just in time. She looked up at him and wondered if he was remembering too. Probably not. "Stupid slippery stones," she muttered darkly and he laughed.

"You should cast an Anti-Slip Charm on the soles, just to be sure."

"Hu-hum. Thing is, a wand doesn't really go with this outfit. At least not anywhere in my purse."

His frown indicated that the idea of going somewhere wandless was close to committing suicide. And back in England, where Death Eaters could have jumped at you from every corner, it probably was. But this was a small community in the Brazilian jungle where a single incident hadn't occurred since the night Fabio died. It would be pretty safe to walk around without protection. Sirius however, remained skeptical. "You left your wand at home? Do you think that is wise?"

"What's the worst thing that could happen? Jonathan casting a shower of elf wine and champagne over my new dress? It'll be fine."

"I suppose so. But I'd rather you stay close to me, just in case. Now kindly lift up your feet."

Mary, feeling somewhere between insulted and flattered by Sirius's protectiveness, said nothing and lifted one foot after the other so he could charm her heels. Afterwards she hooked her arm through his and the two of them headed down the path together. They walked on in silence for a while. "You really look amazing," he suddenly said, glancing sideways at her. "You do realize now I won't be able to let you get out of my sight for a second? With all those other men lurking in the corner…"

She snorted. "What, those ten elderly businesswizards Roberto invited over? The one thing they'll be interested in is getting a good herb-discount, I can assure you." She nudged him gently. "So you still think I'm beautiful, huh?"

"Didn't I just say so?"

"I know, I know, but... Well, I chose this dress for a reason."

"What do you mean?"

"It's almost an exact copy of the gown I wore at James and Lily's wedding. When I was their Maid of Honour, remember?"

Sirius paused and frowned thoughtfully while looking more closely at the dress. "I already thought it looked familiar."

Mary shot him a hopeful look. "It does? That's great! Look, I even have my hair the same way and put some lavender in between." She turned away to show him the back of the dress and her hair. "See?"

"Very pretty indeed."

"I was hoping it might trigger some other memories," Mary said, reaching for his hand. "You haven't had any more flashes lately, right?"

Sirius sighed and pulled his hand away, walking down faster instead. "No. I've had other things on my mind."

"Like Erin?" she asked, struggling to catch up with him. _Why was he suddenly so distant?_

He kicked a pebble down the road, but remained reticent. Mary caught his arm and forced him to stop. "I'm no fool, Sirius. Earlier today Erin came up to my room to talk. _Really_ talk, I mean. She even listened to me, although I did not fail to notice she found all of this extremely difficult. I take it you have something to do with that?"

A slight smile crossed his lips. "I might have made her see things more clearly."

"Well... Thank you, I suppose. I cannot begin to tell you how nice it was to sit down and have an actual conversation together. It feels like I finally have my daughter back."

Sirius looked at her with an unreadable expression in his eyes and Mary blinked in confusion. "What?"

"It's odd to have you talk about "your daughter" like that. It makes me realize how much you've grown up, and that you did always keep her safe. All of that could have been lost when... If Albus didn't-"

Mary put her hand to his mouth. "But we didn't. We're fine. _You're fine_."

Sirius tried to interrupt but all that came out of his mouth was a muffled sound. "Shhh," she hushed before tightly wrapping her arms around his neck. She could feel him bury his head in her shoulder. After a while he tenderly kissed her neck before mumbling: "You smell of lavender."

She smiled. "Triggering any memories yet?"

"Not really. Sorry."

"Oh, who cares!" Mary replied. She broke the embrace and stepped onto a large log in the verge. "We can make new memories!" she said cheerfully while trying to keep her balance on a small branch, which, considering her recently charmed soles, was not hard at all.

Sirius, putting his hands in his pockets once more - shook his head, laughing. "We already are."

"This is what I'm saying!" she joked while triumphantly jumping off the log and heading down the last hill where she could already see the garden lights leading to the party tents ahead. "Old memories of happier times are for bitter people."

He averted his eyes and focused his gaze on the grazing herd of Aethonons in the distance. "Easy for you to say, you still have them."

"That's true, but you might want to focus more on what you're having _right now_. Doesn't this seem like ever after to you?"

His brow furrowed. "Ever after?"

"Yes! That despite everything we had to go through and everything we lost, we're here together. Against all odds, we made it and here we are. It's... This may sound ridiculous, but I believe this might be our happy ending. You know, like in fairy tales?"

He was looking at her in wonder. "Mary Woods, you really are the most extraordinary woman I have ever known."

Mary grinned. "I have my moments." She held out her hand to him. "Come on, I want to see if Jonathan really put on that red tie."

He looked nonplussed. "Red? I thought he was considering something green or blue?"

"Yes, but neither colour does anything for his complexion, so I told him off for suffering from temporary sense of fashion-blindness and chose the red one instead."

Sirius appeared not to have anything else to add to the conversation and they continued down the hill in silence, even though Mary did catch some indistinctly muttering about something happening to this particular tie that Jonathan most likely did not have in mind.

* * *

"And _this_," Jonathan was saying as he pushed the man towards them, "is Mary. You know, the one I was talking about earlier?"

Mary narrowed her eyes at him. "You've been talking about me?"

"Only the dress you're wearing and how fabulous it looks on you, dear," he parried effortlessly.

She grinned. "Well, alright then," she said, smiling sweetly, before turning to the man beside Jonathan and extending her hand. "And you must be Valentín. Hi, I'm Mary."

"Nice to meet you, Mary. I've heard a lot about you." He spoke in an unfamiliar foreign accent with an extremely rolling –r; he pronounced her name like Marrrrrrrrry and when he was introduced to Sirius, it sounded like Sirrrrrrrrrrrius.

While he and Jonathan were talking to Sirius, Mary curiously let her eyes ran over Valentín. After she had heard so many ravenous reviews from Jonathan, who – in his own words – had never been this smitten with someone before and that he thought Valentín was a God – it was simply impossible to live up to that legacy. Valentín was quite pale and a little too lanky for her taste, and his arms looked a little too muscular in comparison with his legs.

But as she shifted her gaze upwards, Mary was forced to admit the man had the most stunning eyes she had ever seen. They were not defined by a single colour, but seemed to change in the different shades of light; sometimes they were brown, in another angle a brownish green and then even violet. She had to conclude Valentín was indeed a very handsome man, if you were into that eerie vampire-ish look, of course.

She suddenly felt a nudge and looked up. "What do you think?" Jonathan mouthed.

"He's cute!" she mouthed back from behind her hand.

Jonathan beamed like his Christmas had come early; it was the grin of a man who appeared to be head over heels with someone special. One time he may have looked at her that way, Mary suddenly found herself thinking. She suppressed a sudden giggle.

But Valentín was turning towards her at that very moment and noticed it anyway. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing," she replied, blushing a little, before quickly changing the subject. "So… I take it you're not from South-America."

He chuckled. "What gave it away? Originally I am from Estonia, I grew up in a village not that far from the capital Tallinn. But as I was growing up and Grindelwald was on the rise, I decided to travel around the world. And after a few years of doing just that, I ended up in Arraial d'Ajuda." He shot her a closer look. "You're not from here either."

"No, I was born in England. Even went to Hogwarts with Jonathan, as a matter of fact."

Sirius made a scornful sound beside her and muttered something about "him being a total prat there". Mary shot him a reproachful glare and missed the look of recognition on Valentíns face.

"Wait, you were at school together? And you said you all graduated in the same year?" His gaze turned to Sirius once again but this time, he studied his face more closely. Sirius seemed to dread what was coming, but it was already too late. "Oh mu Jumal!" Valentín cried out, jumping back and putting a hand to his chest. "You... You're Sirius Black!"

_Jonathan didn't tell Valentín about Sirius?_ Mary had choked on her glass of elf wine and Sirius paled visibly while raising his hands in a defensive manner. "Look, you don't know anything -"

"Hush, hush," Jonathan intervened calmly. "Keep your pants on, Black, I told Valentín all about your little escape from Azkaban little over a year ago," he said, patting Sirius on the shoulder. "And you," he said, shooting his boyfriend an amused glance, "stop messing around. You almost gave the poor man a heart attack."

He laughed. "I'm sorry, man. Didn't mean to scare you like that."

Sirius joined in politely, but Mary could see he thought the joke was anything _but_ funny.

"To be fair," Valentín said, "it's that Jonathan told me you were here or I would never have recognized you straight away. I've seen all the headlines after your escape, and you couldn't be looking less like that crazed and superskinny escaped convict from the photos. What'd you do? Live off banoffee pie instead?"

This time Sirius genuinely laughed. "That's her doing," he grinned, giving Mary a merry pat on the bum.

She rolled her eyes and shot his torso a closer look. "Well, Valentín's got a point. You'd better lay off that weight gaining-potion from now on, or you'll have to go on a diet before you know it."

Jonathan and Valentín burst out laughing and Sirius let out an indignant gasp. "But _you_ said-"

"-Are you guys coming?" They were interrupted by Guido, who was urging the guests to take their place at the tables. "Father is about to give his speech."

As was tradition with big parties on the ranch, Roberto would always stand up and use the _Sonorus_-spell to welcome all his guests to the event. He would give a short but enervating speech about upcoming new programs on the ranch, introduce new staff members or mention groundbreaking developed drafts and potions before telling everyone to "dig in". It always made Mary think of Dumbledore's welcoming speech before the start of the year-feasts at Hogwarts.

Normally she enjoyed listening to what Roberto had to say, but tonight, she was distracted by Sirius. He was staring down his plate the entire time and did not even look up when Roberto mentioned the newest karaoke installation being up and running; an announcement that was followed by loud cheers of some Japanese wizards near the back (and Jonathan of course). Sirius, however, seemed to be in deep thought. Mary wondered what was going on inside his head and (once again) wished she had learned to perform Legillimency.

Sirius remained reticent throughout the entire dinner (at least more than usual). He hardly joined in the conversations at hand (although admittedly, it was mostly Fiona talking about her latest conquest), but continued to stare ahead in the distance. When Mary tried to follow his gaze, she realized he was watching the table where Erin and Oliver were hanging out with the other kids. As always Erin was sitting next to Diego; they were laughing at something Oliver's best friend Cillian was saying. Erin looked happier than Mary had seen her in a long time and if she was not mistaken, Sirius's eyes were drawn to the boy beside her. She could not help but smile; he was keeping an eye on her like any proud father would, and like Fabio probably would have done in his place. They were starting to become more like a real family every day and she could not be happier about that.

* * *

Later that night, when everyone had finished dinner, more and more guests were finding their way to the dance floor (and the karaoke installation). Mary had just turned down yet another job offer from a nearby hospital (the third one that night). She got herself another glass of wine and headed over to a distant table where Sirius was sitting across Oliver. They were talking animatedly, and it became apparent soon enough why. "The World Cup final against Italy, no way!" Oliver was saying, looking awed. "You were _there_?"

"Yes."

The boy's eyes had turned as big as saucers. "Wow... That must have been the happiest night of your life."

"It was," Sirius nodded earnestly. "And the fact your sister was born that same night didn't even have that much to do with it."

"And who was it that fixed you and James those tickets, may I ask?" Mary intervened sweetly, arching an eyebrow at Sirius.

He chuckled. "The only girl crazy enough to travel to Dublin with me in the final stage of her pregnancy."

"Oh, you do remember that, don't you?" Mary asked, amused.

Oliver seemed a little lost. "Huh?"

"I gave him the tickets for his birthday," she elaborated while lovingly ruffling her son's curly hair. "So," she said as she sat down next to him, "how are my two men doing?"

"Sid was just telling me about the House Teams of Gryffindor and that, at Hogwarts, Quidditch players have an actual chance of making to the top."

"Well, very few really do, sweetie."

"Yeah, but at least it's better than here! Can we go there, mum?"

"Maybe some day," she said, feeling uneasy. Her son's ambition to become the best Beater the world had ever seen was an unnegotiable matter as far as Mary was concerned, who'd rather see him finish his education first.

Oliver slumped back in his chair and they all lapsed into silence until, after a long silence, the first lines of another romantic classic (_Unchained Melody_) resounded through the speakers, right about when Oliver's other friend Hugo stopped dead in front of their table, panting. "That Indian wizard is going to charm his Runespoor and make it do the Can-Can with its heads!"

"Wicked!" Oliver jumped up. "Can I go see, mum? Can I, can I?"

Mary sighed. "Alright, but as long as you boys watch it from a safe distance. Runespoors are no creatures you want to mess with," she said, her mind shifting to a dying Sean Zabini in an elongated corridor at Oxford University, jolting and shuddering while the poison was killing him from the inside out.

When the boys had run out of the party tent together and Mary looked up and met Sirius's gaze, she thought he was thinking about the same thing. He finally broke their eye contact after another moment by holding out his hand. "Dance with me?"

They were one of the few couples who stepped onto the dance floor. Most people were rather leaning on the tall tables in the corner, discussing new potion ingredients that created the most advanced drafts, no doubt. But Mary couldn't care less about networking; all she wanted to do was lose herself in this dance with Sirius. Granted, the Swedish wizard singing this version was not exactly as mesmerizing as the original artist's voice. In fact, his "And time goes by so slowly, and time can do so much" seemed more like a cat being strangled than a serenade to love.

After another particular off-key "I need your love", Mary met Sirius's eyes, whose eyes were twinkling and face was crinkling into a smile. "There was a time I couldn't imagine anyone singing more poorly than James taking a shower after a successful Quidditch match, but I'm starting to think I was wrong. Could this be any worse?"

"I don't really want to find out."

"My thoughts exactly," he said while reaching for his wand. "I think we could use a bit more "us" and a lot less "him". _Amplexus Silencio_."

She shot him a surprised look. "Hey, I know that spell."

"I know you do."

"I am astounded you do too."

"That particular night came back to me about a week ago, actually."

"And you didn't tell me when I asked?!" She narrowed her eyes slightly. "I wonder how much you've learned exactly, though. Does this mean you actually remember us..."

The ghost of a smirk crossed his face. "Ooooh yeah. I think I'll cherish that thought forever."

Mary teasingly hit him on the chest. "Oh, shut up," she said before resting her head against his shoulder and closing her eyes, letting him sway her around the dance floor. She enjoyed listening to the music and the fact that they could no longer hear that terrible performer. But despite the fact that Sirius was still as amazing at dancing as ever, despite the realization this night was proving to be every bit as wonderful as she thought it would be, Mary had a nasty suspicion Sirius was keeping something from her.

And no matter how hard she tried to tell herself that she was seeing things that were not there and she should give it a rest, Mary was unable to shake off the fear that something was bugging Sirius; another recurred and unclear or unnerving memory, perhaps? So she made up her mind in the end. She would ask him what was going on later on that night. Mary had no idea if she could be of any help, but she had to try. She hated seeing him like this.

At the end of the party, Mary made her way over to Erin and Diego's table. They were sitting next to each other, but holding hands nevertheless. "Erin, love, this party's coming to an end. It's time to call it a night."

Erin looked disappointed. "But people still have to clean up the place! Besides, everyone else is still up. And Guido has just gone to get his new set of Exploding Swap. We were going to host a mini-tournament."

"Your brother is already safe and sound asleep."

"He's younger than I am!"

She shifted her gaze from Erin to Diego, who immediately sat up a little straighter. "I could walk her to your cabin later," he said, going red. "Make sure she gets home safely..."

Mary smiled slightly. "Oh, I bet you would."

She sighed. She was in doubt. On one hand, she wanted Erin to go home with them right now, but on the other... This would give her a chance to really talk to Sirius. And if she was honest with herself and thought about what she really wanted right now, it was just that. So she looked down at her daughter and smiled. "Alright. But I want you home at midnight, and not a minute later."

"Of course," Diego said quickly and Erin smiled happily. "Thanks mum!"

After a last stern look, Mary turned back and and walked over to Sirius, who was waiting for her at the other end of the tent. "I cannot believe you're letting her stay with that guy."

She shrugged and headed outside into the cool night. "It'll be fine. He's going to walk her home in an hour."

"Hmmpf."

Mary paused, looking amused. "You are bothered by this."

He didn't even try to deny or hide it. "Of course I am. I know guys his type, I _was_ his type."

She laughed and caught up with him. "Sirius, I've known Diego all his life. The boy isn't going to try anything. Besides, Erin knows better than that, too."

"But guys his age..."

"-are not necessarily the person you were. I would never have left her with Diego if he could not be trusted."

He sighed. "I know that, but considering I'm not always going to be here to keep an eye on her..."

Mary stopped dead in her tracks. "Wha- I'm sorry...?"

Sirius slowly turned towards her, his expression more pained than she had seen it in a long time. "I'm sorry, Mare," he said. "I've been thinking about how to tell you this all day, but nothing I can say will change what I must do. You know I am still Godfather to Harry. He's been writing me over the Summer. From his latest letters I can tell that something's up. His scar is bugging him more often... It could be nothing, but I can't be sure about anything at this point. I know it's bad timing, and I will come back as often as I can, but right now, my place is with Harry." He looked straight at her. "Mary, I'm going back to England."

**- End of Update -**

_Song from the title: Wicked World by the awesome Dutch artist __Laura Jansen__. Go and have a listen when you have time, this song rocks!_

* Valentín, Jonathan's boyfriend, is a character from a one-shot HPANA's Potter Puppet Pal wrote little over a year ago. In this shot, she told her version of how Sirius and Mary could meet again. I thought it was time I'd honor that effort in return (plus I liked the name, haha). You can read Poppy's take on things here.


	28. TwentySeven: In Spite Of Me

**Author's Note: **Shocker everyone... Here's an update for y'all. Sorry about disappearing for so long, but my life has been turned upside down in numerous ways and I had to land back on my feet. Hope you'll enjoy this, even though it's rather short...

**Dedication:** To everyone who hasn't abandoned this story just yet.

**Disclaimer:** I doubt anyone notices that I updated, but if so: nope, still not mine.

**Twenty-Seven: In Spite Of Me**

Her eyes were frantically searching his own, making it clear she was still wondering if he was joking around or not. "I'm going back," he clarified, "and soon. In a few days, probably."

"In a few days, probably," she echoed, her voice audibly higher than normal. "You cannot be serious."

Sirius resisted to make the obvious joke at hand and nodded. "The sooner I can get to Harry, the better."

"Another few days," she repeated slowly, still searching his face with her eyes, "that's _all_ you need to say goodbye?"

He laughed. "Well, saying goodbye sounds a bit dramatic, doesn't it? I will be back in a few weeks, because I want to be in time for Oliver's first match of the season."

"That's not possible."

"Of course it is! Well, I'll need Buckbeak to cross the Atlantic a little faster than the first time, but love, I'm sure-"

"Sirius, you won't be watching Oliver play Quidditch, ever again."

Sirius, whose thoughts had temporarily shifted to Harry in England, and a nearby place he could perhaps hide the Hippogriff while he was around, turned his attention back to her. "What?"

"If you leave now, you'll never see us again."

A surge of anger rushed through him. How dare she try and threaten him with something ridiculous like that? "Is that a threat?"

She stared back, seemingly unmoved by his irate glare. "No, just reality. You know the rules."

"Huh?"

The angry expression on her face softened somewhat. "The rules of the ranch... You know, that the decision to leave Borboleta is binding and irreversible-" Her eyes widened with shock when seeing the look on his face. "You _don't_ know?!"

Suddenly feeling apprehensive, he searched her face for some kind of explanation, a sign that he was misunderstanding her, that he did not happen to be trapped in a godforsaken corner of the wizarding world. The troubled look on her face, however, did not do much to console him. He put his hands to his temples, forcing himself to think straight. "Are you telling me," he said slowly, "that it's not allowed to leave the ranch?

"Well, you can go to the village whenever you like."

"You know that's not what I mean! Mary, can I get out of this place or not?"

When she shook her head, it felt like his stomach had turned into a stone, sinking rapidly. "No... No, this cannot be!" Furiously, he drew his wand and pointed it at the nearest group of trees and bushes. "_Confringo_!" They blew apart with a loud bang. Still unsatisfied, Sirius pointed it at the remains. "_Incendi_o!"

The high flames only blazed up only for a few seconds before Mary carefully took the wand from his hands and finished the fire with a quiet "_Aguamenti_". Then, she handed the object back while calmly saying: "That is not going to make things easier."

Remarkably, her apparent calm didn't do anything to soothe his own anger. "The hell it's not!" he roared. "How come _no one_ in this bloody hellhole thought about sharing the small letters in the contract?"

"I don't know."

"Do you think," he growled, turning back with such an intense glare in his eyes that it made her jump backwards in shock, "I would've ever signed up for this if I realized this would only be another Azkaban?"

"It's far from Azkaban here, Sirius."

"Is it? The fact I'm prohibited to go my own way does resemble a prison in my mind, even if it is surrounded by palm trees and sandy beaches. The only difference is there aren't any Dementors around, and Godric knows I'm wishing for one now to suck out my recent memories."

She looked like he hit her in the face with a Daily Prophet. "You don't mean that."

"Maybe I am!" he said defiantly. "How could you keep this from me?"

Mary furrowed her brow slightly. "I suppose I thought Roberto had discussed it with you," she said at last.

"You suppose?!"

"And Roberto must have been under the impression you and I already talked about it," she continued, staring ahead while ignoring his frustrated interruption. "I'm sorry, you're right. You should have known the whole deal before you agreed to become a member of our community. If anything, I would have wanted it to be different for you."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

She smiled wryly. "Why do you think I never came back for you?"

With this unexpected revelation, the wind was temporarily taken out of his sails. He shrugged.

"I was a prisoner here as much as you are. I felt betrayed that anyone failed to mention the consequences of my coming here." She shrugged. "The feeling passed eventually, though. Now I love it here, the ranch is my home. And in time, it will be yours too."

Sirius made a scornful sound. "That, I doubt."

Mary looked puzzled. "But surely this changes things."

"On the contrary."

Her complexion was turning even paler. "You're not saying..."

"I am. I'm heading back to England, to Harry _and_ Dumbledore." Sirius had started pacing up and down the path, kicking away some small rocks on the way. "I want to know why in Merlin's name he would send me to this place if he knew I could never leave again?"

"Oh, I don't know," Mary said scathingly, "perhaps Albus thought it would save your life?"

He shook his head, pulling a face when his big toe bumped hard into a bigger rock that was stuck to the ground. "No, there must be something else."

"So, that's it then." She stared like she couldn't believe her eyes. "You're leaving. Even though now you know you cannot come back, you're still going." She laughed scornfully. "James and Lily have been dead for over a decade, but even now, I still cannot compete with the Potters."

"Mary, come on..." He thought of something reasonable to say. "You're safe here, and so are Erin and Oliver. I couldn't bear it if you weren't. But Harry, he is far from being safe. With Voldemort and the Death Eaters on the rise, and what recently happened at the Quidditch World Cup... Don't forget that the boy is all alone."

"He's not!" Mary cried, her voice constricted with emotion. "Sirius, you're making no sense. Harry has his friends, Remus and he has Dumbledore. He couldn't be further from being alone. You're just telling yourself he is to justify that you're about to abandon your own family for no good reason."

"That's bull-"

"-It is a suicide mission, Sirius, and you know it. Well, if you want to die so badly, then I can't stop you. I just wish you would have done it before ever coming here."

"Wait!" As Mary turned around to run off, he grabbed both her shoulders to prevent her from turning away. There was a bright flash of light, and Sirius once again found himself appearing in a parallel universe.

_A house in an universe he did not recognize at all; the reason he knew he must have visited the place at least once in his life was because he was looking at a younger version of himself, stumbling into a bright and sunny farm kitchen. He did not look too good, Sirius noted. In fact, he appeared to be experiencing the worst hangover of his life. He frowned at the cheerful whistling of another person who was standing in front of the stove, baking eggs. The older Sirius felt the familiar tug near his heart when he realized the guy was none other than James Potter._

_His younger version, however, could not appreciate the merry whistling at all. He did not even grimace back when he was spotted by James, who grinned. "Good morning."_

_Younger Sirius half-heartedly raised a hand and strolled over to the sink to pour himself a cup of coffee. "Aren't we bright and shiny at this abominable hour?"_

_He didn't even bother to add milk and took a large gulp. And apparently burned his mouth as a result, because he swore loudly as he put his cup down on the sink with a loud bang._

_James arched an eyebrow. "Hangover?" he asked sympathetically._

_"Feels like a dozen garden gnomes are banging on the inside of my skull with their mattocks."_

_"You know what I think you need, Padfoot?"_

_"A jinx to knock me unconscious?"_

_"Breakfast! Sit down and I'll make you some scrambled eggs, Prongs-style."_

_With a groan, younger Sirius flopped down on one of the bar stools and put his throbbing head on his arms. "Is this why you don't have a hangover? Because of your ingenious eggs?"_

_James chuckled, his hazel eyes twinkling mischievously behind his glasses, and started to mix eggs, milk and a couple of other ingredients in a large bowl. "Of course! Aside from Lil's anti-hangover potion, of course."_

_Younger Sirius jerked up his head with a surprising rush of new energy. "Lily brought along that potion of hers?"_

_"Yep," James replied while pouring the ingredients into a hot frying pan. "I'll get you some after you had breakfast. So," he said after turning the hob low and turning around. "How are you doing?"_

_"Didn't I just say that my head is about to crack?"_

_"That is not what I'm talking about," James replied, placing another cup of coffee in front of him. He crossed his arms. "How are you holding up with everything?"_

_Younger Sirius looked at James and older Sirius saw they were exchanging a look of understanding. "Well, you know…"_

_James frowned and took a sip of his own coffee. "No, I don't think that I do."_

_Younger Sirius coughed, looking slightly embarrassed, and the older man began to understand what was distressing him so much. Did this moment take place right after Mary fell pregnant with Erin? "I would be lying if I said it has not surprised me, if that's what you mean."_

_"It's not about me, we're talking about you."_

_James continued to watch Sirius and after another moment of pretending that he didn't care, the guy's shoulders slumped. "It was a surprise, but... a happy one. At least, I think it is... Or that's what I think I'm thinking."_

_James looked skeptical. "Oh cut the crap, Sirius!" he suddenly called out, slapping his hand on the table. "You're freaking out underneath that air of cool, I can see right through it." He turned to pour the scrambled eggs onto a plate, added a piece of French bread and placed it in front of Sirius._

_He sighed and crossed his arms, looking serious, before continuing: "Mary's vision may be temporarily blurred because she's too busy hanging over a toilet seat all the time, but you better get your act together before her nausea disappears."_

_Younger Sirius shrugged moodily and prodded his fork in the scrambled eggs to take a bite. To his own audible surprise, he immediately felt better. "Ow, thi' i' goo' wuff," he said while hungrily munching on a second bite._

_James smiled. "Told you so. But seriously Padfoot, I meant what I said."_

_"I know. I don't want to disappoint Mary either. And the thing is, it's not that I didn't want this to happen. I just don't think I can..."_

_"You think you won't be a good father because your own dad was an arse."_

_Younger Sirius snorted, but his older self noticed that particular thought had certainly crossed his mind already. "Well, my youth is not exactly the perfect example, is it?"_

_His best friend sighed. "Sirius, that fear has nothing - or at least not _every_thing - to do with your upbringing. How do you think I reacted when Lily fell pregnant? Yes, I was happy, but felt frightened to death all the same. The times I've thought that I'm going to screw this up are countless. I probably will a few times too, but... I'll learn eventually. And I'm sure you will too."_

_"Maybe." Younger Sirius did not seem convinced. "I considered speaking to Mary's dad, but that was before I realized we still have to tell him about the pregnancy."_

_"Yeah, so?"_

_Younger Sirius wistfully poked around his plate with his fork a bit before sighing. "Mary's family has even more traditions than mine. I bet knocking up their daughter before the wedding is not one of them. If her father finds out..."_

_"He'll be virulent," James finished the sentence for him. "He may even chase you off his property with a pitchfork. But he'll calm down eventually. Don't forget, you guys are engaged, it's not like there won't be a wedding. And when Mary's dad is holding his grandchild in his arms for the first time, I bet it will make him the happiest man on the sodding planet."_

_Younger Sirius seemed to think this through for a moment, but his older self noticed he remained skeptical about breaking the news to Mary's family. A moment later, his premonition was confirmed. "But Prongs," younger Sirius said, looking exasperated. "I'm only twenty-one. How can I take care of a child when I haven't even sorted out my own life?"_

_His best friend shrugged. "Who has? Mind you, I haven't slept peacefully in weeks. How in Merlin's name are you supposed to raise a kid in the middle of a war?"_

_"Well, you could always emigrate."_

_James fiercely shook his head. "Never. We should not let Voldemort drive us and our families away from our homes."_

The last thing Sirius saw was the determined glint in James's eyes before the memory ended rather abruptly; the image turning hazy and his mind shooting back to the present - a mental transformation that was quickened by the agonized cries of Mary. Sirius blinked in confusion before realizing he was still holding her very tightly by the shoulders; his nails were digging into her flesh and she was trying hard to wriggle out of his grip. "Sirius, you're hurting me! Sirius! Let me- Ow! Just let me GO!"

"Mary, I'm sorry!"

She jumped back as soon as he had let go and massaged her shoulders, staring up at him with big eyes. "What has gotten into you?!"

"I... I'm sorry, I never meant..."

"Yeah, I get that."

He ran a shaking hand through his hair. "I had another flashback."

Her look turned suspicious. "About who, was it the great and powerful Oz telling you it's a mistake to leave us?"

Sirius looked puzzled and at first, he thought he was mishearing her. "The great and powerful who?"

She let out a frustrated growl and rolled her eyes. "Never mind."

"It was James," Sirius explained, stepping towards her and feeling disappointed when she stepped further away from him.

"What, you saw his ghost?"

"No, of course not! It was a memory of us in this sunny country house. You'd just told me you were pregnant and I was freaking out."

Mary looked taken aback. "I did not know that."

"I was a twenty-one kid with severe daddy issues," he replied, waving an impatient hand, "_of course_ I was freaking out."

"But you never said-"

"-This memory taught me something, _James_ showed me. It's even more clear now that I must go to England."

Mary's face flinched, and Sirius could see he'd struck another nerve. "And what could twenty year old James possibly have said that makes this decision justified?"

Her voice was dangerously low, but Sirius was not going to give in. Not this time, not now he was finally seeing things clearly. "That we should never let Voldemort drive us away from our homes. _Never_. My place, Mary, is in England. And so is yours."

He thought his reasoning sounded convincing enough, but to his surprise and slight annoyance, Mary started to laugh aloud. A cold and cheerless laugh that sent shivers down his spine. "Is it? Not anymore, Sirius, not to me. James didn't leave, he and Lily stayed in Britain. And they were killed. I wasn't, because I chose to leave. I chose to _live_."

"You're saying it's their own fault they're dead?! How can you say that?"

"Because you are taking advice from a dead man! Damn it, Sirius, Dumbledore made very clear there was no other way. Erin and I would have ended up murdered too, or... What about Frank and Alice Longbottom? Did you ever consider that could have been me as well?"

"Yes, but that is all in the past. Now I have the chance to go back and set things right. For once in my life I can be responsible, and be a true Godfather to Harry."

"Harry..." Mary briefly closed her eyes. A trail of tears had started to run down her cheek and he had to suppress himself from reaching out to wipe them off. "And what about your responsibilities as a father?"

Sirius looked away, thinking about Erin and Oliver. He wanted to keep them safe more than anything, and he knew they would be, here on the ranch with Mary. But the thought he would never lay eyes on them again was unbearable. The vision about James was still clear in his head, but Sirius was having doubts yet again. "I..."

He looked up, hoping that Mary would finally amend and let him off the hook, but the annoying thing about her was that she had always known to stop arguing and let her words sink in. So she remained silent and just stood there with her arms crossed, waiting for him to break the silence. "Look, Mare... I need more time to decide what's best..."

When her cold eyes slowly found his own, he swallowed. "-Best for us all, including Harry. I'll go now, stay in my cabin in the jungle for a few days, until I've figured this out."

Mary shot him a last disdainful look before turning around. "I _will_ think of something!" he called after her.

"Yeah, why don't you do that," she replied coolly, walking off and leaving him by himself standing there in the darkness, alone with his thoughts.

In the past, he had encountered many situations that seemed hopeless at first, but – aside from getting James and Lily killed and ending up in Azkaban – at the most of times, Sirius always found a way to turn things around. But he wasn't so sure his keen mind would be successful this time. Staying here was not an option, but leaving everything behind wasn't either.

He stood in the dark for a long time, biting his lip while staring into the distance. Somehow, the expression "Sophie's Choice" was coming to mind. He had no clue who Sophie was and where he had heard that sentence before, but for some reason, he knew the consequences of her decision had been severe. And like Sophie, Sirius had no choice in this: it would be Mary and his children or Harry, _James's_ son. Everything about him was fighting against the troubling task at hand, but he slowly began to realize that, for the first time in his life, he was actually going to have to choose between the people he loved the most.

********** End of Update **********

**A/N: **Song from the title: In Spite Of Me by Greg Laswell (song can be found on YouTube). Oh, and the next chapter will also be told from Sirius's pov, just because I enjoy terrorizing his tortured soul [insert evil laugh here].


	29. TwentyEight: Just Breathe

**Author's Note: **I haven't got much to say, actually. Just enjoy this the read!

**Dedication:** To Marauder At Heart 333.

**Disclaimer:** Not mine.

**Twenty-Eight: Just Breathe***

It sure took a while, but after spending three days in his deserted (and rather smelly) cabin in the middle of the jungle, Sirius had finally come up with a plan. A bold plan, reckless even, but in the end, this was the only way it could work out for everyone. He was still able to go back to England on his own in a few days, but eventually, Mary and the kids could join him there. And she could protest all she wanted, but according to Sirius, Oliver should have the opportunity to play in a country where Quidditch was actually the number one sport for wizards instead of football, which apparently was the only sport that really mattered in Brazil. And Erin should be able to get a better education, wander around the corridors of Hogwarts at night and share a dormitory with her friends.

Sirius was feeling pretty good about this plan, although he reckoned it would still take a lot to convince Mary, and he would need the help of Dumbledore _and_ Roberto to make it work. He thought it best to discuss the details with these men first before breaking the news to Mary. So on a quiet Monday night, he transformed into Padfoot and quietly trotted over to Roberto's office, using his nose to make sure that neither Mary nor his children were anywhere near the main house. He changed back to his human self once he was standing in front of the door and knocked.

"Come in," came the low and serious voice belonging to Roberto. "Ah Sirius, back from your camping trip, I see."

"Did Mary...?" Sirius asked while making his way over to the desk.

"She explained one or two things about you some needing time off, yes. Mind you, Sirius, normally I do not appreciate people leaving without telling me beforehand. However, considering the circumstances..."

He sat down in the nearest arm chair. "She mentioned that as well, huh?"

The other man nodded gravely. "Indeed. An unfortunate chain of events. We were wrong to assume the other already informed you and for that, I apologize."

Sirius frowned, cocking his head to the right, and wondered how someone could apologize so solemnly while making it seem that they weren't meaning a word. He now understood what Mary meant when she warned him that Roberto had lost his sense of humour around the time World War II started. It almost made him long for Dumbledore's puzzling clues and riddles. Sirius chuckled in himself before realizing Roberto was still waiting for an answer. "Yes. Well, what's done is done."

"I'm glad you're taking this so lightly."

"I'm not. But you can make it up to me."

The older man frowned. "I'm sorry?"

He realized that, when informing Roberto about Sirius's unexpected absence, Mary had left out the reason for this temporary leave. "Listen, I'm sure you've heard about the mysterious things happening lately in England. I am still Harry Potter's godfather, and things are not looking good. His scar is hurting again as well... Either way, I strongly feel I must be around to protect him. That's why I'm heading back to England soon. But I will need your help for that."

Roberto's frown was increasing by the second. "I don't understand. You wish to return to the place where you're the most wanted escaped convict of the moment?"

He nodded. "I realize it'll be dangerous at first, but like I said, I have a plan, and if you and Dumble-"

"-Does Mary know about this?" Roberto interrupted sharply.

"We've discussed it. She's er... not pleased that I'm going back, but she doesn't get where I'm coming from. But once she hears what I have in mind, I'm sure she'll agree after all."

"With what, exactly?"

Sirius sat up a little straighter. "My old parents house in London, which is completely hidden from view. Muggles aren't able to see it and I'm sure the rest of my rotten family has forgotten about the place altogether."

"And this house belongs to you now?"

He nodded enthusiastically. "I'm still a Black, the house passed on to me when my mother passed away. Now, that old bat has been dead for years, so the place will look quite dilapidated by now. But after we've cleaned it up, we might even use it as a place for Order members to meet in secret one day. In other words, I think this could really work, don't you?"

Roberto looked sceptical. "Maybe, but how can you be sure that none of your relatives, who – I presume – are not fond of you, will find out what is going on?"

"They won't. We won't have to worry about any uninvited guests from the Ministry, because one has to be personally invited by a Black to even see the house. And to make sure my remaining relatives will never get inside as well, I was thinking of using the Fidelius Charm. And let Dumbledore become the Secret Keeper this time. To be honest, I think we will be safer there than we are here in Brazil."

"Don't be so sure about that," the old man smiled briefly before becoming serious once again. "But what about Mary and your children?"

This part was exciting him most of all. "Grimmauld Place has a fireplace, so they can safely travel towards London by Floo Network if they wish. But... This is why I came to ask for your help. I would be eternally grateful if I could come around once more to get them here in person."

It took Roberto less than a second to turn down his request. "That is out of the question."

"But can't you-"

"No Sirius, I cannot. You are free to leave this ranch if you must, but that decision will be irreversible."

"It doesn't have to be. You could make an exception, like you did for Dumbledore."

"But I won't."

"Don't you trust me?"

"It is not a matter of trust, Sirius. I do not make exceptions, period." Seeing the frown on Sirius's face, he continued more kindly: "Albus and I go back a long way. If it weren't for him, I would not be the man I am today. But that is not what this is about. I have the responsibility over every member on this ranch. People who can never go home and will face life threatening dangers if their hiding place is discovered. Borboleta is no prison, but if you decide to leave, you will never see this place or its people again."

Sirius rubbed his temples, thinking hard. This was not according to plan. But would it really matter in the end? Was he going to risk everything he had achieved here in the past weeks? Yes, he was. Harry was the one in real danger now. He knew what he had to do. He had no choice. "So be it."

Roberto studied his face. "I cannot help noticing those words were said a lot more forcefully than you're feeling on the inside."

"Well, do you think this is an easy decision?" He cried out, annoyed with his calm expression. "It is not!"

"What about Mary?" Roberto absent-mindedly played with the feather of his quill for a moment before he sighed and looked up. "You know, I have known her for a long time, but only lately have I seen her true personality. Sure, I've seen her happy with Fabio, but she seems so much more alive since you came around, more carefree, if you will. Younger too, I suppose. If you abandon her now, it will break her for good. And I'm not even talking about what this might do to Erin and Oliver."

Sirius groaned. He really did not need another person telling him that going back home now could possibly destroy his family. "I know that," he said heavily before adding more hopefully: "But it's only temporary, we won't be apart forever. They can all travel to London as soon as Dumbledore secured the safety of Grimmauld Place with the Fidelius Charm. And then Erin and Oliver can both go to Hogwarts!"

"_If_ you're still a free man by then."

He couldn't help but smirk at Roberto's ignorance. "Trust me, Roberto, I have my ways of staying incognito where I need to be."

Roberto looked intrigued, but Sirius chose not to elaborate. If he wasn't getting any help from him, Sirius would be dammed before sharing the secret that he was an unregistered Animagus. Instead, he got to his feet and held out his hand. "I would like to thank you for everything that you did for me and my family, but I have made up my mind. I'm leaving the day after tomorrow."

Roberto nodded slowly before shaking it. "I am sorry to hear that, but will respect your wishes nonetheless. Would you like me to contact Albus for you?"

"No, I will write him myself, as soon as possible."

That was step one, Sirius thought to himself as he walked out of the main house into the cool darkness of the night. Step two and three, informing first Mary and then the children, would be another challenge. But no matter how that played out, he already felt like a heavy weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Because even though Roberto had been unwilling to grant him access to the ranch after he had left Brazil, their leader did not seem to think his idea to use Grimmauld Place was all that ludicrous. And that was a promising thought. Sirius could only hope that Mary would be just as reasonable.

* * *

Sirius spent the next morning with Sayid and Jonathan, fixing broken fences in the western grasslands. A sweltering heat lay over the land and once the men had finished their task by noon, they were all sweating profusely. Sirius drank the entire content of his water bottle in one go before he cast the remaining drops over his face and excused himself, saying he was going to find Mary. She, Jonathan told him, had covered the last nightshift in the hospital and was now probably hanging out bythe stables.

Jonathan knew Mary well. When Sirius had almost arrived at the barn, he spotted her in the nearest meadow. She was bareback on Augusto and guided another (younger) greyish horse towards the stables. Mary was trying to halter the animal, but the youngster apparently had other plans and jumped back playfully. After another few attempts, Mary swore loudly, although Sirius could see she was just amused.

"Need any help with that?"

She turned around at the sound of his voice, still smiling, but when she saw it was him, her smile faded quickly. "No thank you, I'm fine." She dismounted her own horse and stepped towards the grey horse to halter it, who, now its master was on the ground, gave in immediately and followed Mary obediently. "What are you doing here?" she asked when she reached the gate and Sirius opened it for her. "Does this mean you've made up your mind?"

He thought it was best to be honest and be as straightforward as possible. "Yes."

She glanced at him around the horse's head, whose ears were still moving back- and forwards in a playful manner. "And?"

"I'm leaving."

He braced himself, expecting her to explode at any second, but to his surprise, she remained remarkably calm, yet distant and almost businesslike. "I see. Did you inform Roberto about this?"

"Yes, things are all set up for the day after tomorrow."

"Hmm."

And then, without another word, she tucked on the grey horse's halter and started walking towards the stables, leaving Augusto behind in the meadow, who whinnied after his boss. The pace looked so calm and controlled, but once he started following them, Sirius had to hurry to be able to catch up. "Wait. Aren't you mad?"

"Mad?" she asked rather coolly while guiding the horse through the elongated corridor to a stall named "Georgiana" near the back. "Sirius, I'm past being mad with you." She untied her rope from the halter before turning towards him and, noticing his stumped expression, said: "What, you think I did not expect this? I knew all along you weren't going to change your mind. So no, I'm not mad. It just makes me despise you."

The grey horse lowered his head and curiously snuffled the pocket of Mary's jeans, no doubt looking for a sweet of some kind. She got out her wand, conjured two small carrots and gave them to the mare. Sirius watched the horse's chewing jaws because he could not bear looking into Mary's cold eyes. "I... I'm really sorry-"

"-And I don't even despise you that much because of me. I got over you once, I can do it again. I'll be a bitter sour woman thinking men are the scum of the earth, but I'll manage. But Oliver? And Erin? I cannot imagine what it must feel like if your father chooses a complete stranger over you. So no, _they_ will not be fine. And that is on you."

"It doesn't have to be like that."

"No? You're leaving the day after tomorrow, that really gives them a lot of time to adjust to the idea their dad's about to abandon them."

"I'm not abandoning them!"

Mary's next look was so disdainful that Sirius felt the need to stop her right there, before she would storm off again like the last time. He tried to embrace her, but before he could have gotten a good grip and realized what was happening, she was slapping him hard in the face. "Don't touch me!"

The young horse jerked up her head in agitation, whinnying anxiously, and Mary quickly reached out to console her. "Calm down, Georgie, you're alright now," she said, gently patting the mare's manes.

Meanwhile, Sirius had made sure he was standing in the doorway of the box, so that Mary would have some difficulty getting past him if she tried to run. He hated blocking the way like this, but she _had_ to be around for what he had to say. "Just listen."

"I don't have to do anything," she glared.

He silently counted from one to ten in an attempt to remain calm. "_Please_ listen to what I have to say. Remember I told you I would come up with a solution? Well, I have!"

She arched an eyebrow. "Roberto granted you permission to come back here whenever you want?"

"Sadly, no. I tried, but the stubborn prat refuses to make an exception."

"Roberto has _every right_-"

"-I know, would you just listen, woman!" He exhaled, forcing himself to take another deep breath before speaking again. "Sorry. I just... Let me explain. I go back to England, help Harry out whenever I can and in the meantime, I'm going to fix us a decent place to live."

"How in Merlin's name are you going to arrange that? You're the public's enemy no. 1."

"Don't have to, I already own the place. Mary, I'm not making any of this up. We could stay at Grimmauld Place."

Mary blinked. "Grimmauld...- where your mother lives?!"

"Lived. The old bat died while I was in Azkaban, thank Merlin for that. But since I'm the last Black alive, the house now belongs to me."

"I thought you hated that place."

"I do, because every memory I have of it is a bad one, but it will be different when we will be living there. We can replace it with new memories!" Reading the stunned look on her face, he continued quickly: "Think about it, Mare. We can go home together and still be safe. Grimmauld Place is invisible to Muggle eyes and I'm letting Dumbledore cast the Fidelius Charm as well, just to be sure. He can be our Secret-Keeper. I've learnt my lesson last time... Anyway, this way Erin and Oliver are able to go to Hogwarts after all, and Harry could leave the Dursleys and come live with us-"

"You've got it all worked out, haven't you?" Mary interrupted quietly, peering at with an unreadable look in her eyes.

"Er... Yes. At least, I believe this might actually work out."

"Right. And what am I supposed to do? Drop everything I have here and follow you home because it _might_ be the solution?"

"No." Sirius had missed the sarcasm in her voice. "I don't want you to come right now. It is too dangerous and I can't afford to be distracted. But, after a few months, once I've moved into Grimmauld Place and know it's a safe haven, I do hope you guys will join me."

Mary hmm-ed moodily while caressing the horse's manes. She seemed lost in thought and after a a few minutes of silence, Sirius carefully reached out to nudge her. "Mare?"

"Hmm?"

"What do you think?"

"I'm thinking this all sounds wonderful, but you seem to have forgotten one tiny little detail."

Sirius once again missed the sarcastic note and raised his eyebrows in surprise. "What do you mean?"

"That no matter how you look at it, you are still choosing your godson over your own children."

"That's unfair. I am taking care of both of them. This way, I can have it all!"

She seemed sad now after all, but he could also detect a note of pity in her eyes. "You can never have it all, Sirius. And you _have_ chosen."

He shot an exasperated look at the sky. "But can you at least tell me you'll consider living in London with me eventually? Mind you, you could visit your parents again, see your sister..."

"My parents and Jenna think I am dead. And I don't know yet. You'll have to give me time."

"But I'm leaving in two days!"

"Well," Mary replied with the hint of a smirk on her lips as she stepped forward to get out of the stall, "you're just going to have to deal with that inconvenient detail, won't you?"

Sirius was forced to step back so she could close the box. "Besides, you'll need the rest of the day to prepare yourself."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

Mary was acting as aloof as ever. "It means you're going to have think of a way to tell Erin and Oliver you're leaving them again."

He swallowed. "I... I was hoping we could break the news to them together."

She shook her head. "Oh, I'll be around, but I'm not going to say a word. You are entirely on your own for that."

********** End of Update **********

***** _Song from the title: Just Breathe by Pearl Jam_


	30. TwentyNine: Before it Breaks

**Author's Note: **I'm sorry that I haven't posted an update, but my writing time has been limited to practically zero at the moment. I know that is not an excuse and I will try to get the next one up faster, but unfortunately I cannot promise anything. Bear with me, please!

**Dedication:** Everyone out there who is still willing to wait this long for new updates. Again, so sorry!

**Disclaimer:** Not mine (most of it, that is).

**Twenty-Nine: Before It Breaks***

Sirius was struggling. Mary could see he was sincerely trying to break the news to Erin and Oliver lightly, but nothing he wanted to say seemed to come out right. She had been watching him closely for the last half hour, ever since he sat down with them to explain why he was returning to England and leaving them behind. He was really trying, but because he focused more on why he had to leave (Harry) instead of emphasizing how hard it was to abandon his own children, it did not make any sense. And Erin and Oliver clearly did not understand.

But she was not planning on doing anything to make things easier. Even though she badly wanted to clarify that this was not their fault, she forced herself to stay silent. Because she could not care less if Sirius came out as the bad guy in this matter, in fact, secretly this was how she _wanted_ her children to feel. But she knew that whatever she said right now would make her look unreasonable and even resentful; either way, it would make things much worse. Besides, the thing Mary really wanted to be clear about was that Erin and Oliver should know there had always been only one parent they could rely on. And they needed to realize that person was her.

So she had made sure to not sit down with them, but stand next to the window while leaning backwards against the wall with her arms crossed. While absent-mindedly listening to Sirius (she already knew what he was going to say anyway), she was intently focusing on the faces of Erin and Oliver. "…wish there could be another way… Urgent matters… signs just like last time, omens indicating things are getting worse… Harry needs me to look after him…"

All this time Erin and Oliver said nothing. They were just staring at their father in disbelief, their expressions becomng more rigid by the minute.

"…which is why I cannot stay any longer. Knowing you and your mother will be safe here, I would be a hypocrite to continue living this dream and ignore what is about to happen back home."

_That would make him a hypocrite?_ Mary thought surly. She suppressed an urge to refute this ridiculous statement, but she should have known her daughter would speak up sooner or later.

"You're leaving?" Erin asked, staring at him with big eyes. "I thought you were joking! But you're actually going back to take care of some kid who _might_ need your help?"

"Not some kid," Oliver mumbled. "He's talking about Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived."

"I don't care if that kid is the captain of the Brazilian Quidditch team! Why abandon us now when you've gone through all that trouble to get here in the first place!"

"I wouldn't want to have missed any of this, you know that. And I'm not abandoning you, Erin, there will come a time-"

But she was no longer listening to Sirius and had focused her gaze on her mother instead. "How can you let dad do this? Do you agree with him?"

Mary wished it wouldn't get to this part, but at the same time, she had already known it would. She cleared her throat, thinking of the answer that would be the least hurtful. Francesco had once told her that for the benefit of a child, its parents should always act like they agreed on something. But in this particular case, Mary simply did not know how. So after clearing her throat one more time, she said: "No, I don't."

"Why is this happening?"

"Because, Erin," Mary continued in a calm voice, still avoiding any eye contact with Sirius, "Borboleta is not a prison. Any adult could decide to leave this place, as long as their memories are modified so they cannot find their way back. I have no say in the matter. If your father wants to leave, he can go."

"But-"

"I'm not exactly jumping for joy here either, Erin," Sirius interrupted. "If there was a choice…"

"On the contrary, Sirius," Mary countered coldly, addressing him for the first time that evening. "You did have a choice, and you made it. It's a little late to try and sugarcoat it now, don't you think?"

He glowered at her while Erin mirrored Mary and also crossed her arms in front of her chest in a stubborn way. "I hate Harry Potter," she muttered darkly under her breath while Oliver had joined his sister in scowling, Mary noticed with the merest whiff of satisfaction. Both of them seemed to be on her side this time.

Sirius was now looking at her with an unreadable expression in his eyes before he finally turned back to Erin and Oliver. "Look, I know what this seems like and I do get what your mother is saying. But please trust me. I'm going to do anything in my power and arrange a family reunion as soon as possible."

"How in Merlin's name are you going to do that?" Oliver asked, frowning. "Mum's just said it's impossible to get back once you leave."

"And she's right," Sirius nodded earnestly, although his eyes were giving away a mischievous glint. "But it isn't going to be a reunion here on the ranch. I'm talking about you guys moving to England the very moment I have found us a safe haven."

Their upset faces slowly turned to shock (Erin) and excitement (Oliver). "You're joking!" Oliver cried out. "I get to go to Hogwarts?"

Sirius was clearly relieved to see that the conversation was turning around. "In time, sure!" he replied eagerly at about the same time Mary was saying "Maybe."

Oliver's eyes turned to his mother. "Maybe, what?"

"Maybe, you get to go to Hogwarts one day. But that has not been decided yet."

"Mary…" Sirius said.

"What? You're going back to London, that may be a fact, but whether Erin and Oliver will ever join you is still debatable."

"And how about you?"

She raised her chin slightly and met his gaze. "My life is here."

"No, it's not."

The finality in his reply, as if he was merely stating a fact, totally rubbed Mary the wrong way. She ignored him and turned to Oliver. "I don't believe you realize exactly how dangerous things can get there. If the Death Eaters are on the rise, and - considering recent events at the Quidditch World Cup – they probably are, this could very well turn into another war. Going to England at this point is folly."

"Not if they're at Hogwarts, though," Sirius said, earning himself an eye roll from Mary. "The castle must be about the safest place on earth. Voldemort has always feared Dumbledore, the Headmaster, and as long as he is alive, nothing bad will happen."

"He might get killed," Mary countered.

He shot her an incredulous look. "Are you listening to yourself? This is _Albus Dumbledore_ we're talking about."

Mary shrugged and turned back to Oliver. "It's not just the possible danger. You're a bright boy and I want you to focus more on your education anyway. Besides, I know it's your ultimate dream to become a world class Quidditch player, but you don't have to be in Britain to achieve that. São Paulo for example-"

"I don't wanna go to stupid São Paulo!" Oliver cried out. "Hogwarts is a far better place to improve my Beater skills."

"You can go and stand on your head for all I care, but it's still no."

Oliver glared while inarticulately muttering something about ruining his career, but Mary's eyes had just fallen on a sullen-faced Erin, who had been reticently chewing on her thumbnail ever since the conversation had turned to Oliver's Quidditch aspirations. "Erin honey, what do you think?"

Erin slowly pulled the thumb out of her mouth. "I think this sucks."

"But you get to come to London one day," Sirius said, being persistent in simply ignoring everything Mary just said. She grinded her teeth in anger. _That man was unbelievable!_

"She says we don't get to go," Erin replied, moving her head in the direction of her mother. "And I don't even know if I want to."

"Because of Diego?" Mary asked softly.

Erin fidgeted with the hem of her sleeve. "It's not just that. Dad, I don't get it. Sure, there's this selfish Harry Potter-kid who needs you for some reason, but I thought we were turning into this happy family. Now everything is going to fall apart and mum will get all depressed again. And what _if_ I ever move to England? I know nothing about it. Oliver has his Quidditch, but how will I ever fit in at Hogwarts?"

While Mary tried to recover from what Erin just said – _Had she really been depressed all the time before Sirius came looking for her?_ - Sirius reached out and gently patted his daughter's arm. "You are wonderful, and they will all welcome you with open arms. And in weekends, I could visit and take you to all the best places."

"How?" Mary asked, her mind snapping back to the present. "You're a notorious mass murderer. You cannot exactly go and meet up with her in Hogsmeade."

Sirius heaved an impatient sigh. "You of all people should know that I have ways of disguising myself when things get rough. Erin, I am sure we can figure something out."

She shrugged. "Maybe, I don't know…"

"Whatever it may look like, I realize this is hard. Really, I do," Sirius continued, looking from Erin to Oliver and back, "so I suggest we get a good night's sleep and talk about this in the morning. If anything, I want to spend my last days on the ranch with you."

Oliver and Erin nodded absent-mindedly, both of them appeared to be lost in thought. And who wouldn't be? When Sirius, despite his previous suggestion, did not make an attempt to leave, Mary cleared her throat loudly. "I think you should leave."

Sirius nodded and, after a brief goodbye wave, he seemed as eager to get out of there as Mary wanted him to be. They walked out of the room and into the hallway in silence. She watched him step outside but never went past the front door herself. Once out on the porch, Sirius turned back and lingered a little. "I'm leaving the day after tomorrow at dusk after Roberto modified my memory. I'm asking Erin and Oliver to head over to the beach and watch me fly off with Buckbeak." And then, after a brief hesitation: "Will you be there?"

"No."

"Mary…"

"I have things to do," she said curtly, gripping the door post more tightly.

He stared at her, but apparently did not know how the handle the situation either. "So… This is goodbye, then?"

"I suppose it is."

"I will be sure to contact you upon my arrival in England, let you know when I've found a safe place to live, how you can contact me…"

She shrugged in reply. "Fine."

"I'll miss-"

"-Goodbye, Sirius," she cut right through him before he could say anything that would make her cry.

He may have closed his mouth, but the look in his eyes was saying everything she did not want to know. Her own gaze hardened. "This is goodbye."

His remained sad. "Goodbye."

Mary closed the door en and leaned against the back for a moment, closing her eyes. She was on the verge of tears, but refused to give in to the rising panic in her chest. She had to stay strong, because she would be damned to cry over Sirius in front of Erin and Oliver. She did not want to give him the satisfaction.

* * *

The day Sirius would leave Borboleta for good, a dispirited Mary was assisting Fiona in the greenhouses. She was helping to prepare herbs that needed to be added to several medical drafts. The end-product would be sent off by Floo Network to hospitals all over the world, including those in the USA, India, Tunesia, Italy and Mary's old workplace, St. Mungo's in London, England. She had been complaining to Fiona about Sirius's plan to return to England for the last hour, and she was even getting tired from her whiny self by now, but Fi remained the understanding and patient friend.

"You know how bad things sometimes seemed to happen to the same people while others cannot get lucky enough?" she was saying. "At school I used to look to you and be _so_ jealous of everything you had. Brains, looks, popularity… You even got _the_ guy in the end. Luck seemed to be on your side forever, but now… I'm looking at you, thinking 'how much bad luck can one person have?' You keep getting hurt, and I feel sorry for you."

Mary wiped a set of tears from her red rimmed eyes. "Thanks," she said quietly as Fiona wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "I…" she hesitated briefly. "To be honest, sometimes I cannot help but think these things keep happening because I don't deserve to be happy."

"What do you mean?"

"Because James and Lily died and I got to live."

Fiona arched her eyebrows. "You're saying you think a vindictive Lily is haunting you from the beyond?"

"Not Lily per se, but fate. Like… Like karma. Oh, don't look at me like I'm insane, Fi."

Her friend laughed before conjuring a tissue and holding it out to her. "I'm sorry, but you are. That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! You know as well as I do you, and no one else but you, make your own luck. Now, you may temporarily have lost the map with directions, but things will turn back eventually."

She snorted and muttered: "Fate messing you around, absolutely ludicrous! Have you mentioned any of this to Sirius?"

"No, I've never told anyone before." She felt the corners of her mouth twitching. "Not going to either."

"No?"

"He is leaving tonight and I'll probably never see him again."

Fiona shook her head, smiling sadly, and reached for her wand to ignite the fire under another cauldron. "That's what you call ironic, I suppose."

"Or a fault on the right side. I mean, I doubt he would get it anyway."

"You think so? I remember you once told me Sirius never tried to escape from Azkaban before because he thought he deserved to be there."

Fiona was having a point there. Mary paused from cutting the herbs to miniscule pieces and frowned thoughtfully. "Well, even if I wanted to, I don't have time to share this piece of embarrassing information."

"You're not going to his farewell party?"

Mary looked stunned. "He's throwing a party?"

"Well, not so much a _party_. There is nothing celebratory about today if you ask me. But Jonathan thought it would be nice to make him a getaway-dinner, or something like that. I dunno. You should ask him. Didn't he invite you for this?"

Mary shook her head. "I guess he already knows I would never want to be there anyway."

"Hmm, Jonathan does know you very well." She grabbed a handful of snipped eucalyptus and carefully added them to her draft of boiling anti-coughing solution. "So, you'll already be at the beach instead, then?"

Mary knew what Fiona was referring to and sighed. "I know I should probably be there for Oliver and Erin, but to tell you the truth, I haven't decided yet."

"What?"

"Fi, I'm so furious with him I don't even know if I _want_ to say goodbye."

"Mary! There is stubbornness and there's just plain stupid. Guess in what category you belong?"

Mary reached for another jar, but it was too high up on the shelf. "_Accio_." She stood there for an indecisive moment, hugging the summoned jar of rat tails to her chest, before putting it down in front of her. "I guess some part of me still feels that if I don't show up there, he won't leave. Am I being silly?"

"No, just naïve. Sirius will definitely leave if you don't show up tonight. And if you really decide to end things like this, I…" She sighed. "I'm sorry, but in that case you don't deserve to have your bad luck be turned around."

Fiona bent down and picked up an empty box. On her way outside, she rested her hand on Mary's arm. "I'm not trying to be a Banshee here, but this is your final shot at making him stay. Think about it."

* * *

Mary did think about what Fiona said. She thought about it all day and even the early evening. She had already decided she wasn't going to Sirius's farewell dinner, but whether or not she would make that dreaded walk down to the beach after all was eating her up from the inside. It was pride against reason, contempt against love, fury against sadness, and resentment against desperation. In the end, though, when the sun had already begun to set, she headed out anyway. She told herself the only reason she was going was because she wanted to be a good mother to her children en be there for them after Sirius left, but her heart knew better.

She still refused to join the small group of people that had come to sa goodbye to Sirius, though. Mary stood a little further ahead upon the beach, keeping her distance from the heartbreaking scene unfolding in front of her. Jonathan had walked over to join her eventually, but they did not speak. Instead, they watched how Erin and Oliver helped Sirius putting a large sack of food and drinks around Buckbeak's neck. Mary could feel Jonathan's eyes on her, but she continued watching the shoreline, her stony expression sending out a clear message that she was not about to be persuaded anytime soon.

Jonathan however had never been troubled by her stubbornness before. He placed a hand on her shoulder. "I know you don't want me to say anything, but it's getting kind of painful to watch, and I simply cannot let you do this. Do you really want to watch him go without saying goodbye?"

She did not respond.

"He's headed down a dangerous road, Mary. Can you ever forgive yourself if this is it, and you'll never see him again in this lifetime?"

Mary swallowed and after another moment, she slowly turned her head towards him. Jonathan briefly studied her torn expression before extending his hand. "Come."

He guided her back towards the group, firmly holding her hand like she was a frightened child. Mary did not know why she did not protest, why she did not tell him to leave her be when practically every fiber in her body was shouting out to turn back. She felt like being in a dream, unable to control the things that were happening. But perhaps it was something else; maybe she kept on walking because part of her realized Jonathan was right; that chances were she would never see Sirius again, and that no fight or difference, however severe, was worth it to leave things like this.

Jonathan was walking past Sayid, Diego and Guido, Francesco and Fiona, who tried to make eye contact, but Mary focused her gaze on the ground, and the marks their footsteps were making on the beach. Soon the tide would come and wash them away, just like the water would erase Sirius's footprints, making it seem like he had never even come here in the first place. Roberto saw the two of them moments before her family did; he stepped back, taking Oliver with him. Sirius was still embracing a crying Erin; he whispered something in her ear that made her laugh through her tears.

He eventually glanced up, though, making Mary pause after all. Was she really doing this? Saying goodbye to the man she loved, making it seem she was suddenly supporting his decision to abandon her children, even though she was still furious with him? She blinked in confusion and continued to stare at the sand, the only thing that was still making sense at the moment. She only moved when Jonathan gently tucked her hand. He continued to hold it until they had reached Sirius and Erin. Jonathan then let Sirius take her hand before wrapping an arm around Erin's shoulders and taking her back to Roberto and Oliver, where her brother wrapped his arms around his big sister instead.

Mary only knew this because Fiona told her afterwards, because at the moment, she was still staring down. Sirius's fingers caressed her own, and then, like on autopilot, they intertwined. She stared at their linked hands, thinking for the hundredth time that this was how they were supposed to be, together, and that it was unfair to everyone involved things were ending this soon. "Mare..." Sirius began. "I hate to see-"

"-Don't die," she blurted out, looking up and steadily meeting his gaze for the first time. "I lied. I cannot do this again, I won't survive knowing I might never see you again. I can't, I just can't. So don't you dare die, don't die, do not die."

She had started crying now, her sobs quickly turning into an uncontrollable fit. Sirius pulled her into a fierce embrace. An embarrassed Mary realized she was crying in front of all her friends _and_ her children, something that had never happened before. She tried to get a grip on herself, but it was no good. The tears kept on coming. It was only when Sirius was repeatedly "Shhh-ing" softly in her ear that she calmed down to some extent.

Mary wondered if he could recall her hysterical outburst at Brice's funeral years ago, and that his "Shhh's" had been the only way to relax her at that time as well, when he hugged her even closer and whispered – so that no one else could hear: "I really am sorry I'm putting you through all this. I know you do not understand my leaving, but you must believe me when I say you _are_ the most important thing in this world. If there's anyone I will do everything to stay alive for, it's you."

Mary smiled through her tears, wondering if this was the same thing Sirius told Erin moments before. She looked into his eyes before whispering: "Goodbye, love of my life."

"No," he replied resolutely, shaking his head. "No goodbyes. They're bad luck."

"Well, what am I supposed to tell you, then?"

The ghost of a grin crossed his face, making his grey eyes sparkle in a way they had not for a long time. "I'll be seeing you."

This time Mary's smile was sincere. "I guess you will."

She kissed him deeply one last time before letting go. Sirius climbed on top of Buckbeak before turning the Hippogriff around and looking at his children. Mary saw he gave Oliver, who – she could see – was still pretending to be the tough brother while hugging his crying sister, a mischievous wink, making Oliver's chest swell with pride. Afterwards he blew a hand kiss towards Erin while simultaneously planting his heels in Buckbeak's sides. The Hippogriff jerked up its head and rose from the ground very quickly. He flew in the direction of the setting sun above the ocean and mere moments later, he and his rider had both disappeared from view.

This did not stop Mary from watching the clear sky, though. She was staring ahead once again, no longer feeling sad, angry or even bitter, but experiencing something even worse: emptiness. Sirius was really gone. And she was alone again.

********** End of Update **********

***** _Song from the title: Before It Breaks by Brandi Carlile._


	31. Thirty: Shut Your Eyes

**Author's Note: **Sorry-sorry- so sorry for abandoning this story for this long. I am currently traveling the US, so I'm usually too preoccupied to even think about writing and HP-fanfiction. However, lately I've been hanging out with some people who have laptops et voila: here's your update!

**Dedication: **To hpana's -the phoenix-, who told me I simply could not abandon SiriMar. I listened.

**Disclaimer: **Not that I would have any right at this point, but no, I still don't own a thing.

**Thirty: Shut Your Eyes ***

"Oliver, don't!"

"Quit being such a wuss."

"I said, don't!"

"Then just give the mirror back to me."

"You've been holding on to it all day. Arrgh- Just stop poking me!"

"Give. It. To. Me."

"No!"

"Alright Erin, your choice!"

"Stop poking me. STOP IT!"

That was the last straw. Mary got up from the table in the living room where she had been trying to read the Daily Prophet and raised her voice: "Both of you, that's enough! Erin, hand that mirror back to Oliver now."

"But he's had it _all day_!"

"You can have it in the morning. Your father hasn't contacted us for over three weeks, Erin, and it does not look like it will happen tonight. So be the mature girl that I know is in there somewhere and leave it."

Her daughter glared. "You're always choosing his side", she hissed while pointing at Oliver, who pretended not to be listening, before storming off to her room and slamming the door shut. Oliver followed suit and walked to his own room while carrying the mirror in a nonchalant manner.

Mary watched them leave the living room and said back down with a sigh. The words on the page before her reached her eyes but had not sunk in fully yet. There was something in the article about Harry Potter being one of two champions representing Hogwarts in the Triwizard Tournament. Apparently the other candidate was a seventh year student from Hufflepuff called Cedric Diggory, but Mary could not make much sense of it. Why would Harry want to enter such a dangerous event? She sighed again, wondering if Sirius might have something to do with it, and wearily massaged her temples, feeling a headache coming up.

"You did the right thing, you know."

"Hmm?" Mary looked up, her mind slowly being pulled back to the present.

Jonathan was at the other end of the table, watching her with a troubled expression. "I know how stressful things have been for you the last couple of weeks. You're been worrying sick about Sirius and so are Erin and Oliver. Fighting over possessing the mirror is their way of blowing off steam and dealing with the fear that something might be wrong. Erin especially gets testy in times like this. Give yourself a break."

Another sigh. "I just wish we would hear something from him."

He gently put his hand on her arm. "He will. Once he is in a safe place, I am sure the first thing he will do is get in touch with you."

She bit her lip. "But what if he gets caught before that? Who is going to have to tell Oliver and Erin when the Dementors have found and sucked the life out of him?"

"You should not think like that."

"Those thoughts are inevitable, Jonathan."

"Sirius outsmarted the Dementors and the Ministry for a whole year before he came to Borboleta. You should give him more credit, Mary. I am sure he will be very careful."

Mary arched an eyebrow at him over her glass of elf wine. "Are we talking about the same man here? Reckless is Sirius's middle name."

Jonathan shrugged. "I could be wrong about this, but I believe his original recklessness had everything to do with the fact that he felt he had nothing left to lose. Now, he has you and your children. Mind you, Sirius has something to live for again. He will not jeopardize that over nothing."

"He did. For Harry, remember?"

Now it was her friends turn to raise his eyebrows. "Are you actually holding an innocent fourteen year-old boy responsible for tearing your family apart?"

For a moment Mary was tempted to tell Jonathan how she really felt about Harry, but she decided not to do so at the very last second. Truth was that, like her daughter, she despised Harry Potter to a certain degree. Her mind disagreed with this childish thought, as she knew perfectly well that Harry could not be blamed for Sirius's actions. She had a feeling that should he have been aware of her, Erin and Oliver's existence, he would have never wanted Sirius to come back to England. From whatever she had been reading about him in the Daily Prophet, he seemed like the kind and courageous child who would have made James and Lily proud. But her heart, her heart... Her aching heart could not conceal that Harry was the main reason Sirius was not here with her now. That Erin and Oliver had been abandoned by a father figure yet again. It killed her that they had been badly hurt by this. And Harry was the only one to blame for that.

"-Mary?"

"Hm- What?"

"Wow, your mind seemed like a million miles away. I asked if you're secretly accusing Harry Potter of homewrecking your precious little family."

"No..." She took a sip of wine, and then another one, just to buy herself more time, while desperately avoiding her friend's scanning eyes. "I'm not!" she snapped when their eyes finally met and his questioning look turned into a frown. "Godric, Jonathan, the boy does not even know we exist. How stupid do you think I am?"

"But if it weren't for Harry..."

"But he is. What are you trying to imply anyway?"

"Woah, no need to bite my head off like that. I was just saying it would be understandable if you're not Harry Potter's biggest fan at the moment, that's all."

Mary sighed again. "I'm sorry for snapping at you like that. I get cranky when I'm worried."

"Tell me something I don't know." Responding to her indignant glare, he continued more seriously: "We're all here for you if you need us. Me, Fi, Roberto... You do know that, right?"

"Yeah... Yeah, of course I do." Feeling her throat close up quickly, Mary decided to change the subject. "Hey, weren't you taking Valentín out to dinner tonight?"

Jonathan's eyes immediately started to shine. "Yep, we're going to that fancy place up on Jacarandá street. It's our first anniversary after all."

"I cannot believe you guys have been together for almost a year."

"It's my first real longterm relationship," he nodded, looking proud.

"He must be your soulmate, then," Mary said, unable to prevent a smile from creeping onto her face.

"You know, I actually think he could be."

* * *

Later that night, when Jonathan had gone back to his cabin in order to prepare himself for his romantic date with Valentín, Mary finished some urgent housekeeping tasks before preparing a goblet of hot milk with honey and carefully levitating it to Oliver's room.

"Come in," she heard him say when she gently knocked on his door. "Hi mum."

"I thought you might like a hot beverage before you go to sleep." She spotted the book her son was leafing through: [i]Quidditch through the ages: The Best Hogwarts Players from 1955-1985[/i]. He had been reading that book every day since Sirius gave it to him on the day he left.

"Seen anything new?" she asked as she perched down on the bed and handed him the drink.

"Not really," he shrugged before blowing into and sipping his milk. "Just checking out some pictures."

Mary's eyes fell onto the chapter he had been reading (_70's: The Glory Age of Hufflepuff and Gryffindor_). The current page showed a moving picture of a rather familiar-looking Chaser making an impressive goal. With a sharp pain in her heart, she suddenly realized that the athletic guy with glasses and jetblack hair on the page was no other than James in their sixth year. She turned the book a little towards her so she was able to read the byline. _"In this game, where Gryffindor beat opponent Ravenclaw with a flattening score of 470 to 220, the immensely talented Gryffindor Chaser and Captain James Potter managed to score 290 points on his own."_

"I remember that day," she whispered while gently stroking the picture. "The weather was terrible, it was practically raining horizontally, but that didn't seem to bother him at all. On the contrary, I would say..."

Oliver glanced at the page. "I was actually looking for pictures of Sirius, but he doesn't seem to be in the book But he was on the same team, wasn't he?"

Mary nodded slowly. "Yeah, he was... But to tell you the truth, I don't think your father was that much into Quidditch as James. He mostly used being a Beater to his advantage when hitting on girls."

Her son snorted. "That sounds like him."

She smiled despite herself. "It was different with James, though. He loved playing Quidditch more than anything else."

"So why didn't he go pro? According to this book, he was good enough to at least give it a try."

"Because of the war, sweetie. With the rising of Voldemort and the Death Eaters, he decided to become an Auror so he could protect his family and join the Order."

"Hmm, that must have sucked."

"Maybe. I don't think any of us realized what we were getting ourselves into at the time. It just seemed the right thing to do."

Mary followed Oliver's eyes as they dropped to the mirror, laying right there beside him on the bed. "Do you think anything bad is going to happen to him?"

"I... I don't know. Your father is certainly able to take care of himself, but there are many people looking for him in Britain. All we can do right now is keeping our hopes up and believe that everything will be alright in the end."

Oliver suddenly did something he had not done in years. Her proud and pretend-to-be-all-grown-up son snuggled up to her and buried his head in the nook of her shoulder. He sighed. "I wonder what he's doing at this very moment."

Mary kissed his curly hair. "No idea. What do you think?"

"I dunno... Maybe he's playing a game of Exploding Snap?"

She laughed. "I sincerely doubt that."

They sat in silence for a moment, each pondering their own thoughts on where Sirius was and what he was up to at this very moment. Mary was about to tell him it was almost dawn in Britain and that Sirius – who used to be hungry as a horse in the morning - was probably about to find himself some breakfast when Oliver suddenly sleepily said: "Hey mum?"

"What?"

"I think Erin should have the mirror."

"Okay. You mean, now?"

She could feel the boy nod in her arms. "She's-more-thinking-bout-it-anyway," he mumbled.

"That is very sweet of you, Oliver."

He gave a modest shrug before letting out a huge yawn and Mary smiled to herself. Oliver would rather die than ever admitting it, but truth was that he truly cared for his big sister and could be a real sweetheart if he wanted to be. She decided she would take the mirror over to Erin's room as soon as he had fallen asleep. When Oliver had started to breathe more heavily a few minutes later, Mary gently moved her arm, got up form the bed and tucked him in nicely. She then carefully reached for the mirror – part of Oliver (his backside to be precise) was laying on top of it, imagine the sight if Sirius would try to contact her right now – and tiptoed towards the door, waving her wand and whispering _Nox_ on her way out.

* * *

Realizing it was already getting late, she decided not to waste any time and headed straight to Erin's bedroom. When she gently knocked on the door, nothing happened. "Erin?"

She knew her daughter had not yet gone to bed, because the light in her room was still on. She knocked again, getting no response whatsoever. Mary sighed and suppressed a very strong urge to roll her eyes. Her teenage daughter could be a real pain in the ass sometimes. "Erin, I know you are awake. I need to talk to you. I'm asking you nicely one more time to let me in before I come in there myself."

There was a light stumble in the room before a (unsurprisingly) moody-looking Erin appeared in the doorway. "What do you want?"

"Can I come in?"

Erin hesitated, which made Mary arch her eyebrows in disapproval. The girl quickly stepped aside to let her in. Once inside, Mary held out the mirror to her. "Your brother wanted you to have this."

Erin took it from her and frowned at the familiar object in her hand. "Oliver doesn't want it anymore."

"No, on the contrary. But he thinks it will be better for all of us if you're keeping it safe from now on, and I agree."

"So what, you think this mirror is some kind of therapy now?" Erin was raising her voice slightly already, making Mary cringe with a mixture of worry and annoyance.

"Not really, unless..." she said thoughtfully while trying to keep her patience. "Well, isn't it? Wouldn't you feel better that whenever Sirius tries reaching out to us, you will be the first to know?"

"Big deal." Erin shrugged indifferently and chucked the mirror on the bed before walking to the window. "I could not care less." She had crossed her arms and was staring out into the dark cloudless night. "Dad contacts us if he wants to and if he does not, he won't. It's as simple as that."

Mary stared at the slender frame of her bitter daughter and suddenly, all her anger was diminishing. Now, she was only feeling bad for her. "Erin, come on. I know that is not how you truly feel. Please come here and sit down. I think it is time we had a little talk."

Erin remained in her little corner and did not turn back. "Oh, do we? It does not seem like you cared about me before, so why now?"

"That is not true. Look, I know that I may have been a little absent these past few weeks, but that is about to change. I realize…"

"Right, so now you're going back into mother-mode? Great timing."

Mary frowned. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Like being a mum is a part-time job you can pick up and leave whenever it pleases you."

Erin tried to brush past her on her way to the bathroom but Mary managed to firmly grab her arm. "Don't you give me that attitude, young lady. I [i]am[/i] your mother and with the way you're acting lately, you've been quite enough to handle, I can assure you."

"Let go of me!"

"No. For once, you are going to listen to what I have to say. A child first losing her stepdad and then being abandoned by her real father, that is not supposed to happen." Mary's voice was breaking a little, but when she noticed that Erin had calmed down and was actually listening to her, she forced herself to continue. "And if I could do anything, [i]anything[/i], in the world to reverse that, I would. But I can't. For now, it is just the three of us. We're all we've got. I'm worried about you, Erin. And I'm scared, because I feel we are growing apart more and more. I don't want that to happen."

Erin's lower lip had started to tremble. "I think he didn't love us enough to stay."

"Oh sweetheart," Mary said, putting her arms around her. "Of course he did. He does. He came all the way out here to find you. He loves you more than words could ever say."

She was really crying now. "Bu-hut he left anyway, to take care of that stupid Harry Potter."

"I know, shhh… But that doesn't mean he cares more about Harry than you."

"I just miss him so much," she sobbed.

Mary sighed and gently continued to stroke Erin's back. "Me too. But it's going to be okay. We'll be okay."

They had been standing there for another while, when from the corner of her eye, Mary could see a shadow appearing in the mirror on Erin's bed. Without getting a very clear view, she instantly knew it was Sirius trying to reach them. She decided not to let go of Erin for another moment, just so he would realize how much he was hurting their children and that nothing she could say, would ever make them feel any better. Although the relief rushing through her by learning that Sirius was safe was equally as large as the contempt for him leaving them, it was the first time in weeks that Erin had opened up to her. And she would be cursed into oblivion before she was letting him steal that moment away from them.

**- End of Update -**

_* Song from the title: Shut Your Eyes from Snow Patrol_


	32. ThirtyOne: Letters From The Sky

**A/N: **Hi all. I have been a bad, _bad_ fan fiction writer. I cannot believe it has taken me over two months to write another update. I am soooo sorry! However, I'm pretty sure this chapter will make up for my long absence, considering it is practically two updates in one (close to 6000 words, woot!).

Enjoy, and as always, reviews are more than welcome. Especially when it comes to keeping my briefly revived muse up and running. Not that I'm exactly begging for reviews, but you get the idea... ;)

**Dedication:** To anyone still out there.

**Disclaimer:** Er...

**Thirty-One: Letters From The Sky***

Sirius was having a serious good time on this early evening in April. He felt more free than he could remember as he was running around Hogsmeade and chasing a pair of butterflies in the twilight. In fact, the knowledge he was in no apparent danger of being recognized by anyone whatsoever was such a great feeling a strong sense of euphoria was running through his veins. It also helped that while being a dog, his mind was less complex, thus more playful and without the exhausting presence of Dementors threatening his sanity, he could swear that at this very moment, he was back to being a teenager.

Another great advantage was that the people of Hogsmeade turned out to be quite fond of a friendly stray dog. On a bad day he would only find old copies of the Daily Prophet in trash cans and had to live off rats, just like he was forced to do in order to survive in the past few months. However, on most days he would find enough leftovers from dinner to fill his stomach to get a reasonable night's sleep. And on really good days, he would run into Madam Rosmerta of The Three Broomsticks who could never resist giving him a plate of sausages or, like she did last Wednesday, an entire steak.

Yes, the life of a dog in Hogsmeade was not too shabby at all. It was not even close to being able to walk around like a free man, but it was the good as it would get at this point, and Sirius appreciated his status as an unregistered Animagus more than ever before. It was the only way he could look after Harry from a nearby hiding spot without the danger of losing his freedom. And so far it was working out pretty well. He had invited his godson and his friends Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger on their Hogsmeade weekend over to his cave a few weeks ago to discuss recent developments. Because although Harry was doing great in the Triwizard Tournament so far, Sirius had an ominous feeling in the pit of his stomach that just would not go away. Ludo Bagman trying very hard to make Harry win each challenge, all those disappearances (including Bertha Jorkins)... Something was off. And he was dying to find out more before something bad was going to happen.

Sirius suddenly realized he was unconsciously slowing down and had now stopped walking together. He had reached the edge of a field in Hogsmeade he had not visited in years, but for some reason the sight was giving him a warm and fuzzy feeling on the inside. His dog mind seemed unable to figure out what it was, but what he did know was this field was holding many good memories. He walked up and down the field for a moment while sniffing the air – his exquisite nose told him there was not a soul in sight. Would he risk it? He looked up at the sky and, noticing it was the brink of nightfall, his curiosity finally took over and he changed back into his human form.

Realizing he was obviously a lot taller than his animal alter ego, Sirius almost quickly crouched down and looked at the grass and wild flowers around him. What was it about this field? He reached out his hand to touch the cool earth. There was a familiar flash of light, and as if he had almost been expecting it, he suddenly found himself crouching in the snow.

_It was a memory and by the looks of the two people walking around a little ahead of him, it was one of _hers_. The older Sirius smiled to himself and allowed his aching knees to carefully stand up straight and – even though they would never know he was there – quietly approached the young couple in the memory. The younger Mary was looking around in awe at the snowy field. "Hang on," she was saying slowly, "I do know this field."_

_His younger self, standing only a few feet away with his hands in his pockets nodded and grinned confidently. "Yeah, I thought you would."_

"_This is _our_ meadow. This is where I, Lily, Brice and sometimes Allison have been spending our Hogsmeade weekends for years."_

"_I know."_

_She was eyeing him suspiciously. "How?"_

_The younger Sirius coughed modestly. "Well, for one this field is well-known and anyone can see it from the main street and two, see that cot over there?" he said, pointing over to a distant shed on the edge of the field. "That's where _we_ usually hang out."_

_Now Mary was just looking astonished. "You mean... To spy on us?"_

_He chuckled. "Your words, not mine. And it had nothing to do with me. Most of the time it was just James wanting to keep an eye on the guys Lily _did_ wanted to hang out with. He was particularly bugged by that one Durmstrang student, what was his name again?"_

"_Dimitri Morvatsjov." The older Sirius watched the younger Mary as she sneakily pulled some snow from a nearby bush and started to form a snowball behind her back, but his younger self did not not seem to notice any of this, or just pretended not to. Sirius could not tell for sure. "So..." Mary was saying while carefully taking a few steps back, "you've been spying on us for years and none of you guys ever considered telling the truth?"_

"_I'm telling you now, aren't I and-" the younger Sirius had started saying in a teasing manner, but then he got cut off by Mary's snowball which hit him right in the face. The powdery snow was making his hair stand up in every direction._

_She was giggling madly. "Now you look just like James!"_

"_Why you little…" Sirius said threateningly, but the older version could tell the boy was only amused as he feebly tried to shake the snow from his hair. However, his response turned out to be swift as ever. Within seconds he was holding a snowball of his own and chucked it at Mary's back, who shrieked happily and had to duck down before she could try running away from him. Snowballs were hitting her left and center as she struggled to run through the thick layer of snow and safely reach the trees on the other end of the field._

_But the older Sirius had already seen she would never make it that far. His younger self had the ability to move a lot faster and successfully tackled her from behind. She fell down flat on her stomach, but the soft snow broke what would have been a rough fall. The younger Sirius appeared to have a strong grip on her, but a stubborn Mary – like the older Sirius knew she would - refused to give in that easily. She somehow managed to reach for a handful of snow, quickly turned around on her back and chucked the snow right in his face. Younger Sirius, who was still right on top of her, spluttered for a moment but they were both laughing when he successfully pinned both her hands on the ground next to her face._

_Both of them were panting slightly for a moment while they just stared at each other. Mary's cheeks were bright red from the cold and her cheekbones seemed to be sprinkled with tiny snowflakes. Younger Sirius, who by now had stopped laughing and was getting serious, slowly raised his hand to gently wipe one of them off her cheekbone. The two of them locked eyes and then the older Sirius watched his younger self lean in to kiss her. Nice one, Padfoot, Sirius grinned to himself, realizing that's what James probably would have told him if he had been here to witness this._

_He continued to watch them kiss for another while, starting to feel more awkward by the minute. Reliving their first kiss was one thing, but he would rather have experienced it himself instead of having to watch another couple making out. When the two of them finally broke apart, the older Sirius's eyes were mostly focused on Mary and he was surprised by the sudden longing in his chest. She looked so beautiful and still so innocent, like nothing bad had ever happened to her and things would stay like this forever. Right now she was looking up at the younger Sirius with a loving but slightly nervous look on her face. "Hi," she whispered._

_His younger self smiled down confidently before gently kissing the tip of her nose. "You know, I've been wanting to do that for over two years."_

_She giggled. "What, kissing my nose?"_

At that moment the memory started to fade and Sirius knew he would be heading back to the present soon. Before he knew it he was standing all by himself in the somewhat marshy field. One second later he realized it had started to rain and, the happy feeling that had taken hold of him while reliving the memory of his first kiss with Mary still glowing inside, he quickly transformed back into Padfoot and ran all the way home.

* * *

Once he had arrived in the windy cave he now called home, Sirius remained in his dog form for another few minutes while keeping a close eye on the entrance. He always did this as a precaution in case one of the villagers had decided to follow this strange dog up the mountain. None of this had ever happened, but you could never be too careful. Sirius, still in a jolly mood, killed the time by chasing his own tail and letting the doggy frustration when this turned out to be impossible take over. When he finally had enough and felt reassured no one had followed him, he changed back to his human form.

"Enjoying yourself, are we?"

Sirius wheeled around, founding himself staring at Albus Dumbledore. The Headmaster of Hogwarts was watching him from the other end of the cave, which was a lot less draughty, holding his purple robes over his arms.

If he knew how to blush his cheeks would be flaming. "Albus! I was just..."

"Exploring the simple joys of a dog's life, I could see that. I presume you remained in your Animagus form in case someone was following you here?"

"Yes."

The Headmaster nodded. "Very wise. I would recommend you to be equally careful when wandering the streets of Hogsmeade."

He frowned, wondering where Dumbledore was getting at. "I don't see why- I mean, I only ever go out disguised as a dog."

"I see. Then what were you doing tonight standing there in that distant field?"

Sirius stared at him and swallowed with difficulty. "You... You saw me?"

Dumbledore nodded as he sat down on the very same rock he once told Sirius that Mary and Erin were still alive and well, albeit somewhere in South-America. "I was on my back to Hogwarts from the Hog's Head." He raised a hand when Sirius opened his mouth to interrupt. "Do not worry, I was alone. But what if it had not been just me?"

"Er well..."

"Sirius," the Headmaster, looking more serious than Sirius had seen him in a long time, "Please tell me I do not need to emphasize the importance of you remaining in hiding?"

Sirius suddenly felt like a little boy caught stealing Sugarquils from the store.

"You are in no position to gamble your life," Dumbledore continued. "If the Ministry but detects a hint of you making an appearance in Hogsmeade... Imagine what it would do to Harry if you are arrested. He needs to fully focus on this Tournament and cannot afford to be distracted. His life is at much at risk as yours."

"I... I'm sorry." He hesitated, wondering if he should talk to Dumbledore about the strange memory he had just relived.

"Sirius," the Headmaster continued more kindly, "I have a feeling you are not telling me something."

"Well... Okay," he said, deciding to satisfy his curiosity after all as he walked over and sat down across Dumbledore. "Ever since I saw Mary in Brazil, strange things have been happening."

"Like what?"

"My memories are slowly coming back. Happy memories... Scenes from the past that were taken from me in Azkaban, diminished by the Dementors. Sometimes when I touched Mary, I found myself reliving the memory."

The Headmaster frowned thoughtfully. "Hmm... Reliving in the sense of you becoming the young man in the flashbacks?"

"No, more like watching myself experiencing those things, like... like using a Pensieve."

"I am glad. Happy memories are vital in the healing process of a soul."

Sirius could not help but snort. Dumbledore could sometimes be such a sentimental hippie it was giving him a toothache. "I guess. But the thing is... I always had to be around her for something like this to happen. But tonight... Tonight it happened again in that field."

"What did you do?"

"Nothing! All I did was transform back into a human and lightly touch the earth."

Dumbledore nodded calmly as if all of this was making complete sense. "Ah, I see."

Sirius arched an eyebrow. ""I see", what?"

"If I am not mistaken, and I rarely am, you and Mary are soulmates. When the connection between two beings is powerful enough, their encounters will almost literally sink into the ground and the memory can be retrieved by either one of those people, up to a century later."

Sirius thoughtfully scratched his head. "Right, except... Mary still has her memories."

"Do you mind me asking what kind of memory it was?"

"Not that it is any of your business, but that field is where we first kissed."

Dumbledore nodded. "Not surprisingly. A magical moment like that no doubt will have left a mark."

"Right." Sirius failed the hide the skeptical note in his voice, and Dumbledore smiled.

"Love is a powerful thing, Sirius. It can be more blissful and harmful than any magical power known to men. It defines a person's personality, affects their choices..."

"You're saying love rules the world?"

"In a way, yes."

The Headmaster smiled at him once more and at that very moment, Sirius knew he had had enough of this emotional speech. "I see. Well, thank you, Albus, for that fine explanation, but I assume that is not why you came to see me."

Dumbledore shook his head. "No, aside from urging you to be more careful from now on, I wanted to discuss the possibility of reviving the Order of the Phoenix."

Sirius blinked. "You are... What?"

The Headmaster sighed. "I have a feeling we may be fighting another war sooner than we think. I realize it is a lot to ask considering what happened the last time you were involved, but I was hoping-"

"-I'm in."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course!" Sirius grinned. "What's a life in risky times if you are not fighting on the right side? If anything, we owe that to James and Lily and all the others who died."

Dumbledore smiled. "I knew I could count on you. I do suggest we do nothing yet and wait for the opportune moment, but what we do need to find is a new headquarters."

"Grimmauld Place." Sirius had said it without thinking, but at the same time it was coming all together in his mind. His mother's old house was hidden from Muggle eyes and would serve well as the new headquarters. And at the same it could function as a safe place for him to live and look after Harry, and if Mary at some point decided to come back to him as well, life could not get any better.

In the meantime Dumbledore seemed to be thoroughly considering Sirius's proposal. "I am going to have to think about that, Sirius, but I actually believe you might be onto something here."

He got up from his seat and put on his robes before placing a hand on Sirius's shoulder. "Grimmauld Place..." he said, shaking his head. "Who would have thought?"

Sirius laughed. "It's about time that moldy place was used for something good."

Dumbledore chuckled before giving him a wink and turning on the spot. With a soft "pop", he disapparated to Hogwarts.

* * *

The next day Sirius found he could not stop thinking about his talk with Dumbledore from last night, especially the part about love literally leaving a mark on the earth. He really wanted to discuss it with Mary too, so after he had lunch (just rats this time), he picked up an old copy of the Daily Prophet, tore off a piece and used his wand to erase the ink on the page before scribbling down a quick note:

_Love,_

_I need to talk to you think Roberto will make _

_another __exception and allow you to use the fireplace_

_ in the main house __this Saturday so we can talk, say _

_around seven o'clock your __time?_

_-Padfoot_

He frowned. Would she go for this? He knew Mary still had not fully forgiven him for leaving – up to this point, her letters had been relatively short and business-like – but he also knew her curiosity would get the better of her in the end. And although he could have told her everything in the owl he was about to send, Sirius was anxious to talk to her in person. It would be tricky to go looking for a deserted house with a fireplace to break in to without leaving a trace for the Ministry, but it was the only way he could see her in person.

It only took a few days for the owl to return with another brief reply from Mary:

_P,_

_Couldn't you have saved everyone the trouble and told_

_me everything in your previous note? _

_But sure, whatever, I'll try sorting it out out with R._

_M_

_P.S. O received another E on a Potions project. Guess_

_at least someone in the family inherited his father's _

_talent in that department._

Sirius smiled to himself, thinking about his son and the fact he was turning out to be a lot better at Potions despite being raised by Mary. Which was some kind of a relief since Sirius was more than aware that Erin was taking after her mother when it came to not screwing up drafts. Apparently she was pretty good at Transfiguration, but Sirius had not been around on Borboleta long enough to see what she was capable of with his own eyes.

* * *

It did take Sirius less longer than expected to find a abandoned house with a fireplace. The old Muggle dairy farm, situated about eleven miles from Hogsmeade, was a tip from Dumbledore who had connected the house to the Floo Network (just for this one night). Apparently the family was away on a long weekend to Iceland and would not return before Sunday night. The Headmaster also tipped off that the most effective way to shut of a burglar alarm was to use a simple freezing charm.

That Saturday night Sirius apparated to the front door of the main house. He slid inside unnoticed and quickly turned off the alarm. He headed into the living room and reached inside his robes to retrieve a small bag of Floo Powder, another gift from Dumbledore. He got hold of his wand and pointed it at the fireplace. "_Incendio_."

The bright flames lit up the entire living room and for a moment Sirius was afraid people would see the light from outside. Distant farm or not, he quickly flicked his wand at the windows so all the curtains fell shut at once. He kneeled down in front of the fireplace and chucked a handful of Floo Powder at the fire: "Rancho Borboleta."

Immediately the familiar living room of the main house on the ranch appeared. It looked like no one was there, at least he could not see Mary anywhere. But after another moment he could hear some footsteps and then he saw her coming out of the kitchen. He had to blink twice to suppress his apparent surprise, because Mary appeared to be wearing robes. Good old thick British-style robes, that is. Not exactly a great match with the sunny Brazilian weather.

It looked like she had not seen him yet, because when her eyes finally fell on the fire, she stopped in her tracks, looking surprised. "You're early."

"Right on time, actually."

"Weren't we supposed to meet at seven-thirty?"

"Seven."

"Oh." She was still looking a little flustered standing there and Sirius could not help himself. He had to tease her about it.

"Nice robes."

She blushed and ran a hand through her hair. "Er yes... I was cleaning up some old stuff at home and came across these in a trunk." She paused, looking down at the somewhat dusty-looking outfit. "It's been years since I last had them on. I was wondering if they'd still fit me."

"I think you look great."

Her eyes found his. "Sirius, please don't."

"Merely stating the fact, love. No need to get offended."

"I'm sorry. I guess I just forgot to take them off. It does feel good wearing robes again, makes me feel more like a witch in a way." Mary had started to fidget with the sleeve of her robes. "You know, I was thinking of passing them on to Erin one day."

Sirius could feel a fresh surge of hope bubbling up in his chest. "You mean so she has something to wear when you decide to return home?"

"I'm not going anywhere, but I'm no fool. I cannot keep Erin and Oliver at Borboleta forever. If they are all grown up and want to leave, I won't stop them."

"But that will take years!"

"That is kind of the point. If I can keep them here long enough until this second rise of the Death Eaters and whatever they want blows over, I have done my job as a parent."

It required all of his patience to remain calm and ignore this latest sneer directed at him for leaving his family behind in Brazil. "Mary, you know full well why I'm doing this. If James-"

"-James has been dead for over a decade," she interrupted him testily. "I just cannot understand why a dead guy can still be..." she closed her eyes and Sirius could see she was inwardly telling herself to get a grip. "Anyway, I'm not getting into this again. Why is it you wanted to speak to me?"

"Two weeks ago I encountered another memory."

Mary crouched down in front of the fire with a puzzled look on her face. "But... How is that possible when we were not together?"

"Beats me. Albus said something about places holding certain memories powerful enough they can be relived by itself, but the man was being cryptic again, so I'm not sure..."

"What was it?"

"What?"

"The memory."

"Oh!" He grinned mysteriously when he noticed she was dying with curiosity. "Well, let's see," he started off as slowly as possible because he knew that would annoy her, "I was in this snowy field near the edge of Hogsmeade, there was some snowball fighting and tackling going on and then..."

"It's where you kissed me for the first time," Mary quietly finished the sentence for him.

"Our first kiss," he smiled before continuing in a more serious tone, "I cannot remember ever seeing you that happy."

Mary shrugged. "I was a young and innocent girl, Sirius. We had no idea what was waiting for us right around the corner. But that's just the way things go."

"We can have it back some day. Well, not the innocence of course, but you know what I mean." He grinned.

A grin she did not return. "How is that possible? When you're there and I am here?"

"And yet I still think not all is lost."

She shook her head skeptically before snorting loudly. "And when exactly did you become the optimist?"

"Since you, Erin, Oliver and Harry came back into my life." The words rolled out of his mouth before he could stop and it sounded incredibly cheesy, but at the same time Sirius knew he meant it and that somehow made it okay.

Perhaps it was the fact Sirius had subconsciously put Harry in last place, but a genuine smile was appearing on Mary's tired-looking face. "Well, at least that's something." She suddenly looked somewhat nervous and looked away. "I also have something to tell you."

"What, you're not saying you're pregnant again, are you?" he joked.

"Ha-Ha, very funny. But no, this afternoon when I was going through some old stuff and came across these robes, I also looked for my old engagement ring. Or looked for... I knew exactly where I put it in the first place, but..."

He arched an eyebrow. "Yes...?"

"I cannot find it anywhere!"

Mary looked genuinely miserable and for a second, Sirius hesitated. Should he tell her he knew exactly where the ring was? In his right pocket at this very moment, to be exact, where it had been ever since Jonathan gave it to him on the day he left the ranch. His mind briefly flashed back to that moment on the beach when a triumphant Jonathan was holding the jewel out to him like a trophy.

"_Where did you get that?" Sirius asked, frowning slightly. He had not seen that ring for over twelve years and yet it was still sparkling like he just bought it from the jewelry store in Diagon Alley._

"_Gave it to me at last year's Christmas party. Duh! I got it from her cabin where she had stashed it in a hole in the wall."_

_Sirius stared at him. "How in Merlin's name did you do that?"_

"_A simple _Accio_ is all it took, mate." Jonathan tutted while shaking his head. "You know, for a bright witch who survived the first wizard war and is a gifted dueller, Mary really ought to touch up on her security spells."_

"_McLaggen, I never imagined I would be saying something like this, but you're brilliant."_

"_Tell me something I don't know," Jonathan said modestly, waving a dismissive hand. "Now, you do realize I am not doing this without an agenda. You have to propose to her."_

"_Well, technically we're still engaged."_

"_Right, and she technically spent several years loving another man. It would take a lot less to want to renew your vows."_

_Sirius rolled his eyes at the memory of Fabio. If only the man would still be alive... He'd curse him all the way to the South Pole for having the nerve to get it on with _his_ girl. "Point taken. However, not sure if this comes as a surprise to you, but we're not exactly on speaking terms at the moment."_

"_Lovers fight all the time."_

"_Yes... But I'm _leaving_."_

_Jonathan looked unfazed. "Meaning?"_

"_I might not see her or Erin and Oliver ever again."_

_He huffed indignantly. "And you really believe that, Black? You know Mary, she will come around eventually."_

_Sirius wanted nothing more than to feel as confident as Jonathan about Mary changing her mind at some point, but if he was being honest with himself, he doubted it would get to that point. She had made it perfectly clear that, as long as he had not found a safe haven in Britain, the chances of Mary and the children traveling back to her home country were slimmer than the Caerphilly Catapults beating the Chudley Cannons in a Quidditch championship. "You really think so?" he asked hesitantly._

_He nodded firmly. "Absolutely. It may take a while, mind you, but at some point she's going to realize her family is incomplete without you in it. And then I'm not even talking about her sense of feeling responsible for others – she is a lot more like you than she would like to admit in that department."_

_Sirius could not help but laugh. "Oh, I'm not so sure."_

"_We'll see who gets it right in the end. In the meantime, you better hold onto this little sucker." He pointed to the ring in Sirius's hand. "You'll be thanking me later, trust me."_

"Sirius?"

"Hmm?"

"Where is your head at? I was explaining I asked Erin and Oliver if they've seen it anywhere, but they have no idea either. I guess... The ring must have been stolen at some time, but I have no clue how that could have happened."

"Maybe that Fabio of yours went all kleptomanic on you and took it when you weren't looking."

She groaned. "Sirius..."

"I was joking. But seriously, were you planning on wearing my ring?"

A quick blush was creeping onto her cheeks. "No, not really. I just wanted to look at it for old sake. To relive some good times of my own, I suppose..."

He nodded. "Because I certainly wouldn't mind if you would put it on your finger again."

She sighed. "That would only complicate things even more."

Sirius bit his lip before deciding to say what had been eating him from inside all along. "Mare, I've said this before and I will say it again: you do not belong on a distant ranch in South-America. Britain is your true home, whether you like it or not."

He was expecting her to counter his argument fiercely and not with the slightest wavering in her voice like always, but she didn't. Instead, she stayed silent and stared down at her hands, frowning thoughtfully before opening her mouth and closing it again the next second. "What are you trying to say?" Sirius asked, feeling as confused as she looked.

It looked like Mary was fighting an intense battle on the inside when she finally broke the silence and said quietly: "You know, lately I've started to think the same thing."

This time it was Sirius who turned speechless. He stared at her with his mouth hanging wide open. When she noticed the astonished expression on his face, she could not help but smile. "I know, it's absurd. But it is the country our children would have grown up if we had not been torn apart by the war. And there's such a great part of my life there. You... Remus, the Order, my work, Jenna, my... My dad..."

Sirius's heart was pounding loudly in his chest. "Does this mean you are considering coming back to England?"

A tense silence followed in which Sirius was forced to only listen to the loud pounding of his heart and the blood rushing in his ears. Mary once again seemed reluctant to speak and he, now even more than ever, wished he could be there to put his arms around her. But there was nothing he could do but wait for her to give him an answer. However, patience had never been Sirius's strongest point. In a desperate attempt to win back her attention, he quietly cleared his throat. "Mare?"

"I..." she said hesitantly when finally looking up at him, the expression in her eyes more troubled than he ever remembered seeing it before. "I'll think about it."

********** End of Update **********

_* Song from the title: Letters from the Sky by Civil Twilight_


	33. ThirtyTwo: Turn Back Around

**Author's Note: **I'll be brief this time. Enjoy!

**Dedication:** To all my loyal readers for without you, I would not be writing anymore.

**Disclaimer:** Er...

**Thirty-Two: Turn Back Around**

"Go."

"No."

"Definitely go."

"I wouldn't."

"Fi, could you please stop thinking about yourself for [i]one[/i] second and look at this objectively."

"Pfffff..."

"Well?"

"..."

"Well!"

"_Alright!_ Yes Mary, you have to go."

Mary had been avidly watching the fierce discussion between Jonathan and Fiona for the last five minutes, but she was now forced to participate in what she had just been comparing to watching an exciting tennis rally. "Really? But what about your wedding?"

After years of a turbulent relationship with Borboleta's blacksmith Luigi – Mary stopped counting by the time their break-ups exceeded the number ten and that was years ago – Fiona had decided they should start acting like grown-ups and simply accept they were made for each other. It took Luigi, a sturdy and curly-haired Brazilian man with extraordinary muscular arms, another few months to get his head around Fiona's proposal, but eventually he got down on one knee and popped the question. Ever since their engagement Fiona had turned into a giddy bride-to-be who took pleasure in dragging Mary along to obscure tailors in distant Brazilian villages in order to find the perfect wedding dress, which was something Mary (who had been appointed Maid of Honor) never seemed to get away from in time.

For the record, Fiona and Luigi were to be married next September. It was only early May, and although she was happy for her friend, Fi's constant neediness was making Mary long for a Time-Turner, so she could manipulate time and get to the wedding date without convicting a crime she would regret later on.

Fiona let out a dramatic sigh that would not have been out of character in a Shakespeare play. "I wonder how I will get by without your organizing skills and I _know_ we will never find another bridesmaid as adoring as Erin, and of course I will be a complete nervous wreck on the day without your-"

Jonathan cleared his throat loudly.

"-but..." she continued, shooting him a dirty look over the table, "There is only one you, and one Sirius. It is about time you two start taking care of each other again." She smiled sadly. "In a way it surprises me it took you so long to bring this up."

Mary was using her wand to make the water in her goblet sparkling. "Nothing has been decided yet," she muttered. "There are others involved here too. Oliver..."

Jonathan chuckled as he put an additional layer of cream cheese to his slice of bread. "Who are you kidding here, Mary? Oliver will be jumping for joy should you ever decide to go back. He has been talking about England and Quidditch non-stop ever since Sirius showed up."

"Oliver, yes, but he's not the one that concerns me."

Fiona, who had just refused Jonathan's bread with cream cheese (she was trying to lose ten pounds before the wedding), drummed her fingers on the table for a moment, successfully drawing Mary's attention. "I think Erin may need more time than her brother, but if you keep emphasizing the good things about this new... adventure-"

"And leave out the return of the Death Eaters and stuff? It's a little late for that."

"Well, if you say it like that, there is no real reason for you to go back there either."

Mary groaned and ran a hand through her messy hair. "I know! We're safe here on the ranch, and relatively happy! Only a fool would give that up to face the daily threat of war."

Fiona and Jonathan exchanged a glance and Mary shot them an exasperated look. "And yet I cannot stop thinking about London and Hogwarts and the people there... my family. It's the life I left behind long ago, but lately it has been coming back at full force. It is not just about Sirius. It's me. It's this place. We don't belong on a freaking ranch, not really. And I am a complete cow for making myself believe that I did."

"Don't say that." Fiona reached out to lightly touch her hand. "This was your home once. A refuge where you could pick the pieces of your wrecked life and start over. With new people. It's bit of insulting to me and Jon here to make it seem like all of this was meaningless. Not to mention Fabio's memory..." she added in a dry voice.

Mary let out as much of a laugh her closed up throat would allow. "I'm not talking about you guys. Or Fabio. It is just a realization that I am in the wrong place."

"So what you're basically saying is that Sirius was right."

Jonathan's brown eyes were twinkling in a mischievous manner and Mary chucked her coaster at his head. "Yes... But if you ever tell him that, I will have to kill you."

They all laughed until Fiona asked the question that had been lingering in the air the entire time. "So what are you going to do?"

Mary shrugged. "Think it through for another while. This is no decision I will be making lightly. I'll have to talk to Oliver and Erin, of course, and if one of them really doesn't want to do it, we will stay here."

"What about Sirius?"

"I told him I'm thinking about it. And that's all he needs to know for now."

* * *

But this was easier said than one. Ever since Mary confessed to Sirius she was considering to return to London, he had been completely overwhelming her with owls. At least three times a week she would find a different exhausted-looking owl on her window-sill with a note attached to its talon, saying something like: "Have you made a decision? You cannot believe how relieved and excited I am you are thinking about coming back". Or simply: "I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again".

His persistence, albeit somewhat flattering in a disturbing way, was totally rubbing her wrong way. You would think the apparent rise of the Death Eaters and Harry's preparation for his third task in the Triwizard Tournament would require all his attention, but apparently he was still finding time to write her all these letters. Mary tried to ignore it for a while, but eventually felt she had no choice but to pick up her quill and scribble down a particular testy owl which basically told him that all these notes were not exactly pleading his case (on the contrary) and he needed to quit it before she was giving up the possibility of ever returning to England all together. That put an end to his annoying behavior, and Sirius did not write her again, making Mary believe that for once, he listened and had finally given up hassling for now.

She could not have been more wrong.

On a rare rainy Monday evening near the end of the month, Mary had just returned from a particularly tiring day the hospital and was starting to prepare risotto for dinner, when Erin appeared in the doorway of the kitchen. "Mum, are you thinking about moving back to England?"

"Sorry?" Mary's wand paused over a bunch of mushrooms she was cutting. When she turned around, her eyes fell on the piece of parchment letter in her daughter's hand. "What's that?"

"Dad wrote me."

Mary silently cursed Sirius into oblivion but forced herself to stay calm. "What does it say?"

"He is wondering if you've told me and Oliver about the possibility to move to London," Erin read aloud from the letter. Her piercing grey eyes, so like her father's, looked up questioningly at her mother. There was no real anger or judgement, just confusion.

Mary dropped her wand to the kitchen sink with a bang, accidentally making white sparks shoot out of its tip which knocked over the salt and pepper. She silently added transfiguring Sirius's nose into a giant zucchini in addition to giving him a piece of her mind as soon as she would get the chance before realizing Erin was still waiting for an answer. She quickly wiped her hands on her apron and gestured to a chair. "Honey, please sit down."

Erin obeyed without a word and after Mary had sat down next to her, she considered her words carefully before saying: "Your father would really like it if, once he has found us a safe place to stay, we join him in England."

"Is that what you want too?"

"In some ways... Yes. But it's not that simple."

Erin frowned. "What do you mean?"

"You and Oliver are crucial in this matter. If it had been just me, I would probably return eventually and fight for my country and the people I loved. But I am not alone. There's you guys – my children, who grew up on this very ranch and belong here. The fate of the English wizarding world has got nothing to do with you and Oliver."

"So you _have_ talked about this to dad?"

Deciding it was best to be as straightforward with Erin as possible, Mary nodded. "We've discussed it, yes, but nothing – I repeat _nothing_ – has been decided yet. You, as well as your brother, are the most important thing to me in this world and you have got as much say in this as I do. I know how much Diego means to you-"

"No, he doesn't."

"Oh?" Mary had failed to disguise the surprise in her voice.

Erin's shoulders were slumped and she had started to fidget with the hem of her sleeve. "We're not together anymore."

"What happened?"

"I don't care. He's just stupid." A seemingly careless shrug followed, but Mary knew better.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

"That's okay. But if you ever do feel like talking, know I'm always here."

She got up from the seat and conjured a jar of pineapple and papaya juice from one of the kitchen cabinets. "Thirsty?"

It had been Erin's favorite drink ever since Fabio had mixed it for her when she was about eight years old and she nodded, giving her mother a half-smile. Mary poured her a goblet of the juice and put it down in front of her daughter, briefly stroking her hair before returning to her risotto.

The two of them were quiet for a while Mary cooked the risotto and Erin worked on a Potions essay as the heavy rain was thundering down on the cabin's roof and windows. When they had welcomed a completely soaked Oliver, who immediately continued to his room to get changed into some dry clothes, Erin finally said: "What would our life be like in London?"

Mary turned around, genuinely surprised for the second time within twenty minutes. "What?"

"If we moved in with dad in his house in England, what will it be like?"

"Well, you and Oliver would be going to Hogwarts, of course, so you would only be home for Christmas and the Summer."

Erin frowned. "But that's like... Hardly ever."

Mary smiled. "Yeah, but that's how the school system works in Britain. It's very different from what we do here in Brazil. But you could write us as many times as you want."

Erin flicked her nail against the feather of her quill, a sight that was strongly reminding Mary of Brice, who could also never leave her quills alone. It was a long-lost memory that was making her smile. "Although I doubt you feel like writing much... You will be having too much fun at Hogwarts."

"Do you really think I would fit in there?"

"Oh Erin, people would love you."

"But the other students will have known each other for ages. I just don't see how..."

Mary abandoned her steaming pan of risotto for a moment to open another cabinet and summon an old shoe box with Hagrid's photo album of her time at Hogwarts, as well as a copy of _Hogwarts, A History_. "Have a look at these. _If_ you end up going to Hogwarts, the first thing Dumbledore will do is have you sorted into one of the houses."

"Which House were you in?"

"Gryffindor, like your father. But there's also Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and Slytherin."

"Where do you think I would end up?"

Erin appeared to be very interested in life at Hogwarts, something that was slightly startling Mary. She had expected to be fighting her strong-willed daughter over whether she would even consider ever moving to England, but so far Erin seemed more enthusiastic about emigrating from Brazil than she was. "Hmm... I'd say you'll do well in Gryffindor or Ravenclaw. Or maybe Hufflepuff will be the perfect fit, I don't know."

"What about Slytherin?"

Mary laughed. "Your father's heart would be crushed forever, but if that turns out to be your house, then so be it. He will just have to live with it."

Erin arched an eyebrow. "Why would getting sorted into Slytherin be such a bad thing?"

"There's an old rivalry between Gryffindor and Slytherin, and in addition to that your dad had some personal issues with the House. Come to think of it, I actually think it would be hilarious if you or Oliver end up in Slytherin." She sniggered to herself at the mental image of Sirius's horror-struck face when finding one of his children (or both!) had become a Slytherin.

"So it's best if I don't become a Slytherin?"

"That is something only the Sorting Hat knows, but I don't want you to worry about that yet. We don't even know if you'll ever get to go to Hogwarts." She quietly rose to take the risotto from the fire and put it down on the table. "Oliver, time for dinner!" In a quieter voice, she continued: "But if you're still interested in finding out more about the school, I recommend you read these."

She handed Erin the photo album and a copy of _Hogwarts, A History_, who looked at the cover of the last book with interest. "Cool."

After a brief moment of hesitation, Mary placed her hand over Erin's fingers, in order to make her meet her gaze. In this case she thought it would be just to treat her teenage daughter as an adult and not a clueless child. "In the meantime, can I trust you to keep certain things between us until we have made up our minds and are prepared to tell Oliver?"

Erin blinked, looking at her with an unreadable expression in her eyes, before nodding silently and quickly putting _Hogwarts, A History _in her school bag, right when Oliver was barging into the kitchen. "Merlin, it's raining cats and dogs. Tonight's Quidditch practice got canceled and I was not even complaining. Imagine playing in this weather!"

As Oliver started loading spoonfuls of risotto on his plate, Mary and Erin shared a look of understanding. The boy had no clue about the irony of what he just said, because with Mary longing more and more to return to her old life in England and Erin becoming less anxious about a possible move to Europe, Oliver might better have to get used to playing Quidditch in wet and windy conditions, and perhaps sooner than he would think.

********** End of Update **********

**_A/N: Song from the title: Turn Back Around by Lucy Schwartz – a song that reflects this part of the story and Mary's character in general perfectly. You can find it on YouTube and the lyrics are below: _**

_Show me the world in the shape of your looking glass_

_Beautifully bold when the colors unfold_

_Yes it's easy to see but its harder to find_

_And I'm thinking of you and it's clear in my mind_

_So I turn, turn, turn, I turn back around_

_I Turn, turn, turn, I turn back around_

_And I'm eastern bound_

_Almost let slip all these words at my finger tips_

_Still unaware of the pen in my hand_

_But I'm making my way day by day coming back to you_

_Here unafraid of the path that I choose_

_So I turn, turn, turn, I turn back around_

_I Turn, turn, turn, I turn back around_

_And I'm eastern bound_


	34. ThirtyThree: Sweet Goodbyes

**Author's Note:** Sorry it took me so long to update again. I had an update ready for a few days, but there was something wrong with , because I could not post anything at all. Weird... However, on the bright side, it's a long one!

**Dedication:** To anyone who keeps telling me to update. Every author sometimes needs a kick in the...

**Disclaimer:** If only...

**Thirty-Three: Sweet Goodbyes**

"Are you sure you have everything?"

Erin, perched on top of her large trunk in a desperate attempt to shut it, looked over her shoulder at her mother. "I think so," she said hesitatingly. "What if I'm forgetting something important?"

"I wouldn't worry about it," Mary replied. "I can basically owl everything you also needed to bring too but did not think about." She was standing in the doorway of Erin's bedroom with her arms crossed and watched her daughter try stuffing all her personal belongings in one trunk until she could no longer stand it. "Step aside, honey," she said, reaching for her wand.

As soon as Erin lifted one knee from the top, the trunk sprang back open with force, instantly revealing the messy content and causing a large amount of hastily stuffed clothes (like her mother before becoming acquainted with the magical ways of traveling, Erin was not a talented packer), books, quills and scrolls of parchment to fly into the air and rain down across the room.

Erin, now sitting on her knees, shot a bemused look around the room before looking up at her mother. "Sorry," she mouthed.

There was still a sock hanging from her ear, making Mary roar with laughter. After a moment Erin joined in laughing and it took them a whole minute to regain their composure. "Watch this."

Mary waved her wand around the room, making all the clothes neatly fold themselves before she magically decreased them in size, and finally placed them all back into the trunk next to Erin's books and parchment. Lastly, Mary flicked her wand to shut the lid of the trunk and seal it shut.

Erin had been watching the scene with a look of awe on her face. "Wicked."

Mary chuckled. "Remind me to teach you Daisy Hookum's "Pack and go"-spell one day."

"Can't you show me when you get to London?"

She shook her head. "In England you're not allowed to do magic out of Hogwarts."

"Oh." Erin wrinkled her nose as she tucked her hair behind her ear. "But that's silly. Why not?"

Mary shrugged. "The British Ministry of Magic thinks differently about underage magic. And nothing about that is going to change anytime soon, so you better get used to it _and_ don't do anything stupid when you're in London. Remaining undercover for your father's sake is going to be difficult enough as it is."

The girl sighed impatiently. "I know."

"Alright then." Mary pointed her wand at the luggage. _"Locomotor trunk_. You coming?"

Erin was looking around at the suddenly deserted-looking room where she had lived as long as she could remember, her eyes falling onto the empty desk and closet and the still unmade bed. "In a minute."

Mary could see what was going through her daughter's mind right now and nodded. "See you in a bit," she said while levitating Erin's trunk and carefully directing it through the doorway, following swiftly and quietly closing the bedroom door behind her.

As she walked into the living room and was about to lower the trunk next to Oliver's one (about two third smaller than Erin's), Mary realized that the moment was nearly there: her children were about to leave Borboleta and travel to London, where Sirius would be waiting for them in Grimmauld Place. She was still having mixed feelings about that house (and the people who used to live in it), but the man she loved said that if he no longer had any real issues with living there again, so should they. Apparently, all Grimmauld Place needed was a thorough makeover (and cleaning, as the Black's house-elf Kreacher was still alive but had not cleaned the residence once since mrs. Black passed away).

Mary sighed. Things had happened so quickly these past few months that she hardly found the time to reflect on and prepare herself for what was coming next. She often found herself thinking about that day in early May when Erin had told her she wanted to leave Brazil fore good. She solemnly stated she thought about it for a long time, carefully considered all the pros and cons and had come to the conclusion that she wanted to go. And rather sooner than later. When Mary casually asked if her daughter's decision had anything to do with Diego, Erin had mutinously raised her chin and countered her troubles with Diego were only _part_ of her decision, and had Mary not done the exact same thing years ago when Sirius got framed? To which Mary, to her own annoyance, had no choice but to admit her daughter had a point.

But it was not like Erin's decision had come as a surprise. Ever since their little talk, Mary had repeatedly caught her reading _Hogwarts, A History_. She had also asked many more questions about the British magical world and living in England in general. Even the truth about the country's horrendous climate could hardly restrain her enthusiasm.

After Mary had repeatedly confirmed with Erin whether she _really_ wanted to go to Britain, she decided to finally tell Oliver about the possibility of leaving the ranch. So one night after dinner, she forbade a sullen Oliver to go outside and play Quidditch with his friends and made him sit down with her instead. His scowl had disappeared the second she explained Erin's change of heart about emigrating to England. Mary did not expect him to _not_ be supportive of a big change such as moving to new and rather unfamiliar territory and she turned out to be right. Oliver looked forward to moving regardless, but he was almost ecstatic getting the possibility to become a Quidditch player at Hogwarts.

As for Sirius... Mary would never forget the look in his eyes that night she had taken Erin and Oliver to Roberto's study and talked to him as they were crouched down together in front of the fireplace. Erin and Oliver would finish the year at the small wizard school in Arraial d'Ajuda and travel to England in early July. Mary would join them a month later, once she had taken care of everything else at the ranch. After listening for about twenty minutes to what an excited Oliver and Erin had to say about coming to London, Sirius had finally looked up in her eyes to say: "I will make sure you won't regret this."

Of course, at _that_ point Voldemort had not returned yet and Cedric Diggory, Harry's fellow Hogwarts-competitor in the Triwizard Tournament, was still very much alive. Ever since that horrible night at the end of June, Mary was having second thoughts on whether to go through with the scheduled move _at all_. But she had already told most people on the ranch about their plans and Sirius, as well as Albus Dumbledore and Roberto, assured her that Grimmauld Place and Hogwarts would be safe, even in dangerous times where Voldemort and his Death Eaters were at large again. Even now, when her children were about to leave the ranch, Mary still was unconvinced she was doing the right thing here. But she also realized it would be unfair to them and Sirius to cancel their plans at this point.

Apart from that, she also really felt for Harry Potter. She may not have seen him since he was an innocent toddler, but Mary had never forgotten what she promised Lily that day she and James were forced to go into hiding and move to Godric's Hollow. The poor boy had been through so much already, and she felt slightly responsible for making sure he would be alright too. With only Sirius around to give parental guidance, Mary seriously doubted he would be a very good influence. She should be able to level things here and there... Her mind got pulled back to the present by Oliver who was suddenly walking into the room. "What you're doing, mum?"

"I... -Oh." She realized she was still levitating Erin's trunk next to Oliver's and quickly lowered it to the ground. "Just thinking," she said after a pause.

"Missing us already?"

Her son was grinning excitedly when he flopped down on the couch, but Mary did not return his smile. She had never really been apart from her children before, not even for a week.

She sat down on the edge of the couch and ruffled her son's hair. "I'm going to miss both of you terribly, you know that."

Oliver arched an eyebrow. "It's only for a month."

"Yes, but that's... 30 days, 720 hours or 43.200 seconds too long. Don't forget to write."

He gave her an incredulous stare. "It's a _month_."

Mary laughed despite herself. "I know, I know... I should be leaving you guys alone, but I will be dying to hear about the things you'll be doing there while I'm still here. Aren't you nervous?"

"Not really. Should I be?"

She thought of Grimmauld Place and the image of Kreacher came to mind. "Don't goggle too much if you come across the house-elf, alright? They usually find stares truly uncomfortable."

"Anything else?"

"Do everything your father tells you to do." Briefly closing her eyes, she reconsidered. "Well, not _everything_. As long as it's not dangerous. But there will be enough other people to help you out."

"Yeah, Sid said something about a Weasley-family who are going to take Erin and me to Diagon Alley."

The Weasleys? Mary did not know them well, apart from meeting them once at Fabian and Gideon's funeral back in the day, when Molly had given Fabian's birthday present to her. "I hear the Weasleys are good people, so promise you'll behave yourself."

"Have I ever been disrespectful to anyone?" Oliver shot her his million Galleon-smile, instantly turning into a charming mixture of a younger Sirius and, oddly enough, James Potter (minus the glasses). He was going to charm quite a few girls with that smile one day, if he learned how to use it wisely.

"You know what I mean."

Her son changed the subject and pointed to Erin's suitcase. "Would you look at that thing! She hasn't even bought any robes yet. Mine is about ten times smaller _and_ my Quidditch stuff's already in there."

Mary narrowed her eyes. "How did you do that?"

He shrugged modestly. "Matter of packing things economically."

Surprised at her thirteen year-old son's surprisingly eloquent choice of words, Mary frowned at him. "Eco- what?"

"Ow!"

"Stop lying to your mother, Oliver Remus Woods." Jonathan had walked into the room and was now smacking the boy's head with a copy of the Daily Prophet. "I magically increased the space of his trunk for him." He grinned. "I think I surpassed myself. Seriously, you could fit a bloody Hippogriff in there."

Oliver was rubbing the back of his head and scowled. "It _was_ my idea. _I_ read about it."

"Yes, and yet you still find it difficult to make your tea pot whistle, let alone add a certain amount of magical space to an object without burning the house down." He looked over at Mary. "I came to get you guys. Roberto says everything's ready."

A small delegation awaited them in Roberto's office. Erin and Oliver had already said their goodbyes to most of their friends and classmates last night but there were still about fifteen people who had gathered around the fireplace, including Fiona, her fiancé Luigi, Sayid and Oliver's Quidditch coach, a stubby Bulgarian man called Borislav. Guido was there too, Mary noticed, but there was no sign of Diego. Roberto was standing in the centre, holding a jar of Floo Powder in his left hand. "This is how it goes," he announced without further ado. "First, at 11.56 AM, we will send the trunks to London. Then, exactly at noon, ythe two of you will follow suit. But not before I've modified your memories."

He pulled his wand from his belt with his other hand. Both Erin and Oliver eyed it wearily. "Will it hurt?" the latter asked.

"Are there going to be any memories left after you're done?" Erin added.

Roberto shot a look at Mary, beckoning her to explain, and she stepped up. "Come on now, we've discussed this plenty of times. This is no ordinary Memory Modifying Charm. And remember what your father told you guys that night by the fireplace. The modifying will not start working before you've left _and_ it won't hurt one bit, and you'll still be able to remember plenty of things about this ranch. Just..."

"You just won't be able to recall its location anymore," Roberto filled in automatically. "Erin, please come here." He placed the tip of his wand on the girl's forehead and muttered: "_Obliviate_."

Erin blinked a couple of times after the incantation, but she did not nearly appear as dazed as someone who had just been placed under an ordinary Modifying Charm. Oliver followed suit, even though Mary could see her son was a lot more nervous than he tried to be, and after Jonathan and Sayid had sent off both their luggage at the scheduled time, the time had come to say goodbye.

Mary watched her children hug everyone who had come to see them off. Erin made Fiona promise to her them a bunch of photographs after the wedding. When Mary noticed how the girl suddenly pulled a small letter from the back pocket of her jeans and sneakily handed it to Guido, she was truly touched by the sight. She _knew_ there was still unfinished business between her daughter and Diego. Even though it was merely a case of innocent puppy love, Mary still would have liked to tell her that writing a note would never really mean closure. But it was too late to get into that now, and who knew what boys Erin was going to run into while she was at Hogwarts?

After the two of them had finished saying their goodbyes to everybody else, Erin and Oliver walked up to Mary and gave her a last fierce hug.

"Bye mum."

"See you in a few weeks."

They did not seem remotely saddened by the fact they were going to be apart from their mother for a whole month, but Mary was not as tough at the moment. "Be good," she told them with a thick voice, "and take care of each other. Oh, and it's a long journey, but make sure you keep your eyes closed while you're on the Floo Network or you might get sick."

"We will," Erin said lightly while Oliver kissed her on the cheek. "Hang in there," he muttered in her ear, making Mary laugh aloud. It was almost ironic to see how much better her children were handling this situation than she was.

Far too soon for Mary's liking, Roberto interrupted. "It is time."

He let Erin and Oliver take a full hand of Floo Powder before directing them to the fireplace. "The secret connection Dumbledore and I have provided will only last for several more minutes, so you must not hesitate. Who's up first?"

Oliver immediately raised his hand before calmly stepping into the fireplace; he seemed fearless and merely curious about his first time as a Floo Network-traveler. At that moment, Mary knew her son was going to end up in Gryffindor. Oliver looked around the office one last time and waved excitedly before dropping the powder into the fire. "Grimmauld Place."

With a green flash of fire lashing up in mere seconds, Oliver was gone. Mary, still standing back with her hand on Erin's shoulder, flinched. Her son was really gone. There would be no turning back now.

"Erin," Roberto said, gesturing to the fireplace, "your turn."

Her daughter appeared a little more hesitant than her brother, but after another moment, Erin straightened her back slightly and stepped into the fireplace. "Bye, everyone," she said quietly, still squeezing the Floo Powder in her hand. "I'll still be thinking of you loads, promise. Grimmauld Place."

And with another brief flash, Erin had disappeared too. The office remained quiet for what seemed like an hour to Mary but only could have been a few minutes, when Roberto finally stepped up to check if the connection between Borboleta and Grimmauld Place was still in place. It wasn't, which meant that both Oliver and Erin had safely arrived in England. They were with Sirius now, and she was still here. Alone. Mary lifted a hand to wipe a tear from the corner of her eyes and felt a little embarrassed when Fiona came up to wrap an arm around her shoulders. "They did great, Mary," she said in a consoling manner. "You can relax now. And before you know it, you'll be heading in the same direction."

Mary nodded, clearing her throat which was still too thick with emotion to speak in a proper manner. "I still need..."

"-To take care of things," her friend kindly finished the sentence for her. "But Roberto will help with that, won't you, Roberto?"

The dark man nodded solemnly. "Of course. We'll make sure everything's settled before you go."

* * *

Taking care of things in Roberto's world meant a lot of tedious meetings in which they took care of all the paperwork. Since "Mary Woods" according to the British Ministry of Magic disappeared and presumably died in 1981, there was a problem with Erin and Oliver's last name. Obviously adapting Sirius's name was not an option until his name had been cleared, so after discussing numerous options with both Roberto and Dumbledore, Mary eventually settled upon "Alvarez". Roberto's last name. For the time being Erin and Oliver would be pretend to be Roberto's cousins, which would also justify why they were fluent in Portuguese. Mary did not exactly _like_ the fact that her children would be known as Roberto Alvarez' family and she was convinced this would not please Sirius either, but, she thought matter-of-factly, he should mostly be thankful that his children had not been named Giraldo (which had belonged to Fabio) instead.

She resigned her job as Healer at the hospital one week before she would leave the ranch. Mary was not particularly woeful about the fact she would no longer have to spend entire days fixing minor Spell Damage-issues in the small village hospital, but many colleagues were sad to see her go (Carmalita even shed a few tears on her last day. She had _never_ seen Carmalita cry). The group also gave her a nice goodbye present (a framed picture of the entire staff on their last Christmas party), which Mary thought was a nice touch.

One of the hardest things she had to do in that last week was saying goodbye to Augusto. He was an old horse now, but still as headstrong as when she first got him. He had learned to tolerate some other people over the years (Sayid was one of the few men who could walk into the stall and feed him without getting attacked), but the animal still preferred a woman's hand. Mary had thought long and hard about what to do with him after she left Borboleta. One night Sayid suggested they would set him free. "Augusto was born a wild horse, he should be able to graze and run around freely with the herds in the valley," he said wisely.

And after carefully considering his proposal, Mary decided she agreed. So the next morning, she went to Augusto's box, took him outside, where she already had another horse waiting for them. She got onto Augusto's bare back and rode off in the direction of the hill that led down all the way to the valley, holding the reins of the other horse in her hand.

It was an exceptionally bright morning and Mary enjoyed how the sun was warming the skin on her arms. She was going to miss this lovely weather terribly once she got back to London. When she approached the hill she had been looking for, Mary could already see the tops of several tombstones blinking in the sunlight. Many people on the ranch who had died were buried here, including Fabio. When she finally reached his grave, she dismounted Augusto and secured the reins of the other horse on a nearby branch.

Taking her wand, she conjured a beautiful red rose and used a extraordinary spell to charm it. This was a particularly difficult charm, which connected an object to a living being. As long as the person was alive, the (in this case) rose would not wither. Lily had attempted to teach her this charm many times while they were at school, but Mary had never really mastered it. However, as if by miracle, this time it only took her three tries to make the enchantment work. She shot a grateful look at the sky. "Thanks Lil."

Augusto whinnied quietly and was stamping his hoof on the dusty ground behind her. Mary gently took the horse by its halter and guided him to Fabio's grave, where she placed the enchanted rose near the bottom of the tombstone. "This one is for you both," she said quietly, "for I would not be who I am today without your help. Even though I cannot stay here any longer, know you will always be on my mind, no matter where I am."

Mary wrapped an arm around the horse's neck and ruffled his manes. Augusto was pleasantly flicking his ears back and forth and he seemed very relaxed, but Mary could see he was also eyeing the grazing herd below longingly. She sighed and kissed his nose before removing the halter. Now entirely free, the horse could gallop off immediately, but Augusto did not move a muscle. Instead, he lowered his head and allowed her to hug him again. "It's okay, Gus," she said softly, "you've waited long enough. Off you go."

She slowly stepped back and gently tapped Augusto's back. After another moment, the horse slowly stepped forward, a little hesitant at first, but falling into a trot soon enough. Mary was forced to watch her loyal companion disappear from sight down the hill.

Just when she thought Augusto had left her fore good, Mary could hear a merry whinny coming from down the hill. She knew that call all too well. Despite everything, she smiled. Fabio of course could not have said anything in return, but Mary was sure that somewhere, wherever it may be, he had been listening too.

* * *

With all her personal matters taken care of, the only thing left Mary had to deal with was her little house by the ocean. Roberto did not interfere with anything cabin-related stuff. As long as Mary would leave the little house where she had lived for thirteen years clean and ready to move in for someone else, it was fine by him. But she had acquired a lot of personal belongings over the years. It took her about a week to clean up everything. She gave most clothes she would not be using in England to Fiona, since the two of them were about the same size. Jonathan was happy to take over many books and the large painting of an Aethonon from the living room.

She packed the rest of her clothes (including the robes she had worn on the night she had arrived), photo albums, pictures of Erin and Oliver, Fiona and Jonathan, as well as a picture frame of her and Fabio in better times. Mary realized Sirius would not be too happy about that, but she did not care. Fabio had been a big part of her life while he was in Azkaban, whether he liked it or not. This photograph was her only tangible memory of him, and she would be damned before she left it behind in Brazil. There was one other thing that was troubling Mary; no matter where she looked, she still had not found her engagement ring. It mostly annoyed her because she still remembered she hid it in a crack in of the living room years ago, but it was no longer there.

On the morning of her departure, Mary was giving the walls of her cabin one last inspection. The ring-matter was making her a bit paranoia; she was terrified that if she missed a spot, the ring would be there instead of the crack where she _thought_ she put it all those years ago. She was just checking the wall behind the bookcase, when Fiona knocked and walked inside. "Afraid you're forgetting something?"

Mary got up from her knees and wiped the dust off her jeans. "No, there's nothing left."

"Ah. If that's the case, what were you looking for?"

"I... Well, okay. I was looking for my engagement ring," she replied, decided to come clean.

Fiona's eyes lit up in surprise. "Sirius's ring?"

"Yes."

"Can I see it?"

Mary sometimes forgot Fiona was not the brightest witch of the bunch, until her friend made a stupid remark like this. She arched an eyebrow and Fiona's face snapped in sudden understanding. "Ahh, of course. You lost it."

"I didn't _lose_ it," she replied testily, "I know exactly where I put it. The ring's just not there anymore. It's like it disappeared."

Fiona bit her lip. "Bummer. Does Sirius know?"

She nodded and rolled her eyes. "He was insinuating Fabio had vanished it."

"Could be!" her friend replied, chuckling. "Fabio was mischievous enough to do something crazy like that. But I wonder..." she continued more seriously, "Why do you so desperately want to find that ring?"

"I just don't want to leave it behind," Mary shrugged.

"Understandable. So if Sirius asks you again, he'll have to buy a new ring."

"He won't."

"But what if...?"

"He _won't_, Fi. There is so much else going on now that Voldemort has returned." Ignoring her friend's gasp at hearing the name of the Dark Lord, she added, "honestly, I believe that ship has sailed for us. And I'm okay with that."

"Hmmm, if you say so." Fiona sat down on Mary's trunk. "What are you going to miss the most?"

"You guys," Mary replied without thinking. "I can live with no longer knowing Borboleta's location or the fact I had to let my horse go, but to never see you or Jonathan again... Not to be there on your wedding day..."

"I promised Erin to owl you plenty photographs."

"I know, that's great, but..." she hesitated for a moment. "Look Fi, you must know how much you mean to me. And all I wanted for you was to be happy, and I think you finally found it. This sounds kinda silly, but as a person you've grown so much over the past few years. You're just... You've turned into a wonderful person. Never forget that."

She was suddenly pulled into a fierce hug, which was rather uncomfortable with Fiona sitting on her trunk like that. "I will never forget you either," Fiona said. "And I think you're very brave to head back to England. I think I admire you even more now than when we were at Hogwarts, and _that's_ saying something."

They chatted for another while until the time had come to head over to Roberto's study. Many friends had come to see her off, and while Sayid and Franceso were making sure her trunk was in the right position in the fireplace, Mary took the time to say goodbye to every single one of them. A teary-eyed Jonathan gave her the fiercest hug he could muster and said hoarsely: "Write me Lots."

Mary could merely nod in reply, to which he cheekily added: "And I want a full report on how Lupin's doing these days. Poor lad better have a nice woman by his side these days."

When she reached Roberto, he was already holding his wand at the ready. "You are a truly special woman, Mary Woods," he said with a tenderness in his voice which had never been there before. "On the night before he left, I told Sirius he should consider himself a lucky man to have someone like you. I for one am honored to have known you, and will always fondly remember you in the future. Give my best to Dumbledore."

And on that note, he tapped her forehead without further ado and muttered: "_Obliviate._

When the effects of the charm had subsided slightly, Mary walked forward and took a handful of Floo Powder from the jar that Francesco was holding out to her before taking a deep breath and stepping into the fireplace. Her parting message would be short and to the point. On Roberto's sign, she dropped the powder and shot one last look around the room to say: "Thank you for being my second family. I will never forget and treasure it forever. Grimmauld Place!"

As the flames suddenly flashed up around her and the image of the people gathered around the fireplace started to fade, Mary closed her eyes, mentally preparing herself for a journey back to a world she had long thought to never return again.

**- End of Update -**

_Song from the title: Sweet Goodbyes by Krezip_


	35. ThirtyFour: Into The Fire

**A/N: **Better late than never... Sorry for the long wait, guys. Hopefully I'll do better with the next one.

**Dedication:** To anyone who's still around to enjoy this story.

**Disclaimer:** None of JK's settings and characters are mine (sadly). My original characters on the other hand... ;)

**Thirty-Four: Into The Fire*******

The landing in Grimmauld Place turned out to be rougher than expected. It was a bumpy ride on the Floo Network to begin with, and Mary had trouble slowing down as she was reaching her final destination. When she had made it to Grimmauld Place, she came down too fast and was literally rocketed out of the ancient fireplace. She clumsily fell against her trunk, which had arrived a few minutes before her, made an awkward turn and finally landed hard on the wooden floor, right on top of her wrist. There was a snapping sound, followed by a sharp pain and Mary gasped in agony: she had broken her wrist. On top of that, there was absolutely no one in sight. Mary was all alone in that relatively dust-free but dark study room of Grimmauld Place, which Mary assumed had belonged to Sirius's father one day.

This was not quite the arrival she had been expecting.

She carefully tried to sit up and cringed when she gingerly studied her wrist. Groaning, she bit her lip to brace herself and reach for her wand to mend the bone. An orange glowing light slowly sank into her lower arm, making the pain disappear almost instantly. Mary heaved a relieved sigh and finally got to her feet.

Then, she stopped, wondering once again how out of place this situation was. She had expected a line of people waiting for her arrival, all expecting to see her arrive in London. Sirius and the children knew at what time she would arrive in England, didn't they? But oddly enough, there was absolutely no one around.

Realizing she was no longer staying at an hidden ranch in Brazil but had landed in the British wizarding world where Voldemort and the Death Eaters were once again at large, she gripped her wand a little firmer and started to inspect the dark room more thoroughly.

The outdated wallpaper had come of the walls in the corner and the painting of an old, proud-looking wizard was no longer on the wall but put down on the floor instead. There were two doors; a small one next to the fireplace, which could only be opened from the other side. There was an porcelain vase lining the wall right in front of it, which was a rather unusual sight to place a fragile object. Someone heading in from the other side was bound to knock it over sooner or later. The other door was at the opposite end of the room. When Mary peered through the doorway, she looked into the deserted and elongated hallway leading to the heavy front door. She recognized it from when Sirius had brought her here back in the day to meet his mother; an ill-fated visit which had made Sirius turn his back on his family fore good. It was deadly quiet here, too; still no indication of any people living in this house.

Even though there was no sign of struggle, Mary was starting to feel a little worried. Where _was_ everyone? What if the Death Eaters had burst inside right before she got here and killed everyone present? She carefully edged towards the window and glanced outside at the street below. It was the first time she was looking at an English street in years, and her eyes quickly found a middle-aged Muggle couple. They were dressed in brightly coloured coats – _coats_, in the middle of August(!). Mary looked up at the sky, which appeared damp and grey, justifying the couple's choice to wear those coats. _Good old England_, she found herself thinking surly.

Before she could have made peace with the absence of any sunshine, drops of rain started to fall onto the dusty window. _You have got to be kidding me_. Mary sighed, by now strongly considering to head – wand at the ready, of course – down that eerie-looking hallway all by herself after all, when the door next to the fireplace suddenly swung open.

_CLONK_.

A young woman in black robes with short spiky hair in a particular violent shade of violet was walking through the door and tripped over the vase. It landed on the floor with a crash and was shattered into a hundred pieces.

"Crap, not again!" There was laughter coming from behind the door. "I'll... I'm repairing that!" she called as the door was swinging shut and the noise disappeared just as soon as it had come. The woman, not yet noticing Mary standing by the window, kneeled down while muttering to herself about things like this and why they were always happening to her.

Then, as she reached for her wand to mend the vase, her eyes fell on the trunk in the middle of the room and she finally looked up. "Oh," she said taken aback when her eyes – Mary noticed they were dark but twinkling – had found the only other person in the room. "Wha-_Mary_?"

Mary, still with a firm grip on her wand, realized she was just being recognized by someone she did not know at all. But on the other hand, someone must have told her she was coming today. "Er... yes. Hi," she replied after clearing her throat. "Where's ev-?"

"-Oh my Godric," the woman said excitedly, getting to her knees and walking over to Mary while simultaneously shouting "Sirius! Sirius!" in the general direction of the door. "It's lovely to see you," she grinned before arching both her dark eyebrows in a confused manner. "Though... You're _quite_ early."

"No, I'm not," Mary replied wearily while frantically racking her brains if she should know the over-energetic person standing in front of her. "Dumbledore and Roberto created the temporary connection and I left at the exact scheduled time. It' should be around six o'clock here. Is that correct?"

"Well yeah. But you were supposed to be here at seven."

"What?"

"That's what they told us."

"Well, _they_ were obviously wrong."

The woman chuckled, made a pffff-sound and waved her hand in a "who cares, anyway"-manner. "Ah well, you're here and alive and well now. How was the journey?"

"Hang on, I have to ask. I'm sorry, but who are you?"

She laughed and did not appear insulted at all. "Oh, fancy that! Of course I don't blame you for not remembering me, Mary. After all, you only met me once and that was years ago at a dinner party over at my parents house. The one cousin Sirius could stand, I might add." When Mary's eyebrows were knitting together thoughtfully, she added meaningfully: "The one who married a Muggle..."

Something in Mary's head finally clicked. "Nymphadora?"

The bright woman pulled a face and wrinkled her nose. "I prefer to go by Tonks now."

Mary laughed. "Fair enough. Merlin, how you've grown! I haven't seen you since you were about, what, seven years old? Goodness, you're making me realize how old I am."

"And yet you look like you haven't aged a day. I only know you from Remus's old photographs at Hogwarts, go figure!"

Mary shot Tonks a grateful smile, who grinned back and suddenly, without taking a single breath, babbled: "Believe me, I am _so_ glad you're finally here. It will be great to have another woman around. I mean, there's always Molly, I suppose - who by the way will be making an ah-mazing stew for dinner tonight - but she can sometimes act a little bit too much... motherly. I already have one nosy mum and although Molly's intentions are good, I feel she is taking certain things a step too far, you know? Now, I've already discussed this with Remus, but he says I should just take it easy and I try to every day, I really do, but then-"

"Easy there, Tonks. Are you trying to suffocate her?"

Both Tonks and Mary looked back at the other door. Sirius was leaning against the door post with his arms crossed, grinning at the pair of them with a twinkle in his eyes. Mary felt a familiar rush of happiness run through her when she saw him standing there like that and for a second, she could swear her heart fluttered in a cartoonish type of way.

But when she looked him up and down more closely, she noticed he had lost practically all the weight he managed to put on in Brazil. His hair was still long, but at least it now looked like it had been combed not too long ago (Erin's influence, perhaps?). But his face definitely was looking more gaunt than the last time she had seen him in real life. She met his gaze steady on for the first time and shook her head, unable to hide a smile. "I leave you alone for one second..."

Sirius, apparently knowing exactly what she was talking about, seemed unfazed by her stare. "I suppose that's what living off rats does to a person."

He was waggling his eyebrows in a teasing manner and she rolled her eyes, as to which he merely opened his arms wide. Mary did not know how fast to cross the room and jump straight into that embrace she had missed so much. Sirius hugged her back just as fiercely. He was breathing in the scent of her hair and giving her tiny kisses all over her head. "Godric," he muttered in her hair, "it feels good to have you in my arms again."

"I missed you," Mary said as she broke free from his embrace, but only to lean up and give him a long kiss.

"Now _that's_ what I call a welcoming gift," he grinned when they finally broke apart, making her laugh. Sirius tenderly flicked a lock of hair behind her left ear. "Welcome home."

Mary shot another estimating look around the room. "Who'd have thought you would ever call this place home?"

"Not me, obviously. This place and the people living here have made my youth a living hell. But I must say... With everyone chipping in to clean things up, it's slowly turning into a real house."

"As much of a home as it will ever be?" she asked while slightly raising her eyebrows.

"No, like an actual home," he replied seriously and she felt touched by his sincerity. "And... I understand part of you still wants nothing to do with this, but I'll do anything to make sure that one day, this house will become your true home, too."

Mary smiled, having forgotten all about the other woman in the room until a sudden loud crashing sound interrupted their intimate little talk. It was Tonks, who had tried to magically lift and transport Mary's trunk, but accidentally knocked over the vase she had repaired only moments before in the process. "Bugger."

There was a brief moment of silence before Sirius burst out laughing. "You know, for an accomplished Auror you really are quite clumsy."

"Yeah, drives Mad-Eye nuts at least once every shift. But honestly," Tonks said. "I don't know what happened while levitating this little trunk. This thing was a _lot_ heavier than I anticipated-"

"-I can imagine that," Mary explained dryly. "That thing is is filled with about a life's worth of stuff."

"Mary couldn't even pack light if she tried," Sirius chimed in.

"Also, you should probably know I'm absolutely hopeless at throwing things out."

Tonks laughed. "Gotcha. Well, I'll just take this thing up to Sirius's room then."

"Oh, let me help you with that," Mary offered while pointing her wand at the trunk."

"No need," Tonks replied airily. "I need to go upstairs anyway."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. Also," she added with a grin, "this way you guys can have some more privacy before dinner."

Mary felt a blush creep up her cheeks fast – _Had they been acting too affectionate with each other in front of her?_ – but Sirius merely let out another of his characteristic bark-like laughs. "Oh make no mistake, I'll make sure we have all the privacy we need tonight."

She turned back at him and jokily punched his shoulder. "Don't push it, you," she replied softly before looking at Tonks. "Thanks! This way I can go meet up with Erin and Oliver. Where are those kids anyway?"

"In the kitchen, helping Molly to prepare dinner," Sirius said, taking her hand. "Come on, I'll take you there. See ya, Tonks."

"Bye," the short-haired woman said before once again pointing her wand at Mary's trunk, this time levitating it steadily.

* * *

Sirius was taking Mary through the dark corridor and she assumed they had to take a little detour. "Why is it only possible to open the door to the kitchen from the other side?"

He shrugged. "Beats me. It has been this way as long as I can remember. My father used to say the house had a mind of its own, but I'd put my Galleons on my dear mother. That paranoid bat saw danger in every unguarded corner."

"Hmmm. Sirius?"

"What?"

"Why weren't you guys waiting for my arrival? I was all by myself and for a moment I thought... I feared-"

She looked at him meaningfully and he frowned. "Something might have happened?"

Mary was biting her lip. "This is London and with the return of Voldemort and all... I just-"

"Love," Sirius said earnestly, "Grimmauld Place is a safe haven. Nothing will happen to us while we're here. It even has its own Secret-Keeper!"

"Who?"

"Dumbledore."

"Oh."

"Doesn't that make you feel much better?"

"I guess so," Mary said, feeling somewhat reassured by Dumbledore being involved in this.

"I obviously learned my lesson in the past," he added, arching his eyebrows meaningfully. She tried to figure out if he was messing with her head, and he rolled his eyes. "See, I'm trying here. Cracking jokes and all."

"I'm sure Lily and James would appreciate it."

He smiled wryly and tugged her hand. "Come on."

As they were crossing the long corridor, the dark atmosphere continued to make Mary feel like an uninvited guest. "What about Erin and Oliver. Have they... gotten used to living in this place?"

"They feel right at home. Why wouldn't they?" Sirius sounded rather surprised.

Mary wondered if she should point out that no matter how much they would tidy the house, most people would still think Grimmauld Place was a dark, damp and downright unwelcome place, easily matching the deepest dungeons at Hogwarts. However, when she detected a sense of happiness on Sirius's face, she decided against it. She shot him a smile. "I'm glad."

"Besides, the Weasleys have been great. Ron and the twins are looking after Oliver and Erin and Ginny seem to have become friends already."

"So.. They did not miss having their mum around, not even a little bit?"

"Er... They haven't discussed it with me, but hey, I bet they're dying to tell you everything they've done so far."

They were passing the infamous Black Family tapestry on the wall and Mary paused for a moment, searching for the familiar burned hole where Sirius's name had been once. She noticed there were now three golden lines attached to it. One line to the side where, she assumed, her own name would be should they have been married back in the day. And two lines down that led to two familiar names, printed in that characteristically golden and fair embroidered font: _Erin Dawn Black, 1981-_ and _Oliver Remus Black, 1982-_. Mary realized that although she had changed their last names in Brazil, this did not have any effect on the Black family heritage here in England. She carefully touched Oliver's name. "This all makes it so... official. The Black family line continues in him and Erin." She paused. "Funny thing is, your remaining relatives don't even know they exist."

"Yet. But I can think of one person who wasn't spared the truth. I like to imagine she tumbled over from shock and suffered a heavy stroke before she would have had the chance to blast their names off her precious tapestry."

Sirius was joking, but Mary still recognized the bitter note underneath the sarcasm. In the past she had found it hard to deal with his stubborn bitterness towards his mother and even attempted to reconcile them, but ever since meeting the cold and extraordinary sly Walburga Black in person, she could understand his attitude a lot better. "Don't you think your mother could have found at least some consoling in the fact that her family line did not become extinct?"

"Come off it, Mare, you've had the "honour" of meeting the Banshee yourself. My mother would rather have died a thousand deaths than see her precious bloodline become polluted with Muggle-born blood."

"But-"

"She would haunt us till eternity and you know it. Actually, in a way... the old hag is doing just that." Before Mary could ask what he meant, he added: "Let's head to the kitchen. I'm starving."

* * *

After Sirius and Mary reached the end of the corridor and went round the corner, they headed down a couple of stairs and then finally entered the basement kitchen. This room appeared somewhat less gloomy than the hall and corridors situated above. There were no windows here; most of the light was coming from a large fire at the other end of the room. There were several pots and pans hanging from the ceiling. A long wooden table stood in the middle of the room, with several chairs placed around it. One man with red hair and glasses was dipping his quill in ink and continuing to fill out some parchment forms. A ginger-haired boy was showing Oliver and Erin a magazine article on the Chudley Cannons. Contrary to her brother, Erin seemed bored out of her wits and repeatedly exchanged meaningful looks with one of the girls sitting to her right, whose hair was the fieriest of red.

"Look who decided to come by early!" Sirius announced.

Everyone at the table looked round at the same time. "Mum!" Erin and Oliver called while jumping up almost simultaneously, but they both seemed indecisive on what to do next. Mary felt no such hesitance and hurried over their side of the table to envelope them in the biggest hug she could muster. "I missed you guys! Tell me, have you been good?"

"Of course," Erin said.

"Did you guys miss me too?" Mary asked before kissing Erin's forehead first and Oliver's curly hair next, who looked embarrassed and tried to back out desperately. "Muhum..." he said while trying to avoid the older boy's eyes, who seemed amused by what was happening.

Mary laughed, decided against keeping her children hostage any longer and released them from her tight embrace. "I'm just glad we're all here."

"Sure, so are we," Erin said. "How come you're here this early?"

"I'm not. I arrived right on schedule."

"You were supposed to come around seven," Oliver chimed in.

Mary looked up at Sirius. "Who told you I would be here at seven o'clock?"

"Er... Dung, I suppose," he replied.

She frowned. "_Dung_?"

"Mundungus Fletcher," he elaborated. He's also an Order member, told us Dumbledore told him you would get here around seven."

"Seems Dung wasn't paying attention when he passed the message," the ginger-haired boy grinned matter-of-factly.

"So it would seem," Mary said, shaking her head but unable to hide a smile. It was a rather funny story now that everything turned out to be alright and no one was attacked by the Death Eaters. "What's your name?"

"Ron. Ron Weasley," the boy said while politely standing up to shake her hand. "Nice to meet you, Miss Woods."

"It's nice to meet you too, Ron. However, I insist you call me Mary from now on. And you must be..." she said, turning to the two girls sitting next to Erin.

"I am Hermione Granger," the girl with a bushy brown hairdo said kindly.

"My name's Ginny," the red-haired girl added. "Erin told us a lot about you."

"Really? Mostly good things, I hope."

Erin rolled her eyes in exasperation and the other two girls laughed. The older man had come over to shake her hand. "Arthur Weasley. Welcome back."

Mary shook his hand and smiled. She had a strong feeling she had met this man before, but she could not quite place him. It had not been a happy event, she knew that, but the times back then were very dark, so it could have been anywhere, really. Perhaps this man had once been a patient of hers at St. Mungo's? She was just contemplating if it would be appropriate to bring up the subject in front of the others when they were interrupted by a woman walking into the kitchen, followed by a pair of identical looking boys – twins, probably – hot on her heels. They were carrying a set of cauldrons as well as a bunch of wooden spoons and mats. "Now, Fred, George, must I remind you, there will be _no_ apparating or any magical activities in this house tonight!" the middle-aged woman, who was heavyset but had a very kind face, was saying curtly. "You may be allowed to use magic all the time, but I won't have you use it for every little-"

The woman stopped talking abruptly when she spotted Mary standing among the others. "Oh my goodness, you're early!"

"A small misunderstanding, darling," Arthur explained. "The exact time of arrival seems to have been mixed up."

"But we had all prepared this really nice..." After a subtle warning glance from Arthur, the woman coughed and changed the subject. "Oh well, there's no use crying over spilled beans, I suppose!"

She quickly made her way over to their end of the table and pulled Mary in a hug. "It's so wonderful to see you, Mary. Godric, you haven't changed one bit. You look exactly like when I last saw you."

Luckily, at that very moment something clicked in Mary's mind and she remembered where she had seen this woman _and_ her husband before: Gideon and Fabian Prewett's funeral, where the woman had given her Fabian's birthday present. "It's great to see you too... Molly," she said, recalling the woman's name just in time. "I like what you are doing to this place, making it more... liveable and all."

"We're doing what we can, although with this kind of family history you cannot prevent it'll always stay a little..." Molly's voice died away when her eyes found Sirius, who had crossed his arms and seemed to be following their conversation attentively. Mary sensed they had gotten on each other's nerves more than once. "... intimidating," Molly concluded after another pause.

Her statement was followed by an even more uncomfortable silence. Right when Ron wondered aloud how a house could possibly intimidate people, Molly cleared her throat. "Anyway! Mary, I assume you've already talked to everyone at the table. Now please meet my other sons Fred and George. Merlin, is that the time already? We should start preparing dinner. Ginny, Erin, Hermione, can you girls come cut some vegetables?"

The girls obediently rose from their seats and followed Molly to the sink, who was just saying: "Fred, George, you can leave those spoons and mats here."

One of the twin brothers stepped up to Mary and managed to shake hands while balancing the objects in his arms. "One thing," he said merrily, "I'm Fred, not George. He is."

"She can never tell us apart," the boy called George added. "We think it's funny," he grinned before following his brother and dumping his stuff onto the sink.

Mary repeatedly offered to help in the kitchen, but Molly insisted on treating her like a guest tonight, so she joined the others at the table and sat down next to Sirius. He explained not everyone would be around for dinner, but that there would be an Order meeting later that night. Dumbledore, Hagrid, an Auror called Kingsley Shacklebolt and Remus would join them in a few hours. Mary was especially looking forward to see Remus; she had not talked to her friend since 1981. Apart from those letters he and Jonathan wrote each other back in the eighties, she had no idea how he was doing these days. Tonks came bolting down the stairs a short while later and sat down next to George, where she entertained the Weasley brothers and Oliver by magically changing the colour of her hair from violet to bright green, a blackish blue and back to purple again.

"She must be an extremely powerful witch to perform wandless magic like that," Mary told Sirius.

"Something like that," he grinned while refilling her goblet with fresh pumpkin juice. "Tonks is a Metamorphmagus. She can change her looks by will."

"Wow..."

"It used to be even more fun when she was younger and spontaneously grew antlers on a regular basis. It took Andromeda quite some time and patience to make her daughter control her talent."

"Still," she said after sipping her wonderfully cool drink, "that's just cool."

"I agree."

They sat there for another half an hour before the stew Tonks had been raving about earlier was ready to be served, and Mary enjoyed watching Oliver and Erin interact with their new friends. They seemed to feel right at home, reassuring her she had made the right decision by bringing them here. And the fact that her family had once again been reunited was making her feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Everything about tonight seemed nice and quiet; Voldemort and the war seemed miles away, and although there was an Order meeting to attend later tonight and Mary knew things would probably get worse in the future, she preferred to momentarily deceive herself and hope everything would stay exactly the same.

After dinner – Tonks had been right, Molly's stew was simply delicious – Mary insisted on helping Molly clean the mess in the kitchen. They had another cup of tea with the children, who were animatedly telling Erin and Oliver famous tales about Hogwarts in turns. Afterwards, Molly unrelentingly sent all of them upstairs, stating the upcoming Order meeting was no place for children. Mary found she did not even have to tell Erin or Oliver they were also not allowed to stay, because they were already obediently following the Weasleys upstairs. She shot a look at Sirius, who shrugged moodily. Mary got the feeling he would not have sent his children to bed if they asked, but apparently when it came to being at Order meetings or not, whatever Molly wanted, happened.

There was a sudden cracking sound coming from the hallway. "Ah," Mr Weasley said while checking his watch, "that must be Remus."

Mary looked up in surprise. "Are you sure?"

"Eight thirty. Right on time as usual."

She felt a sudden rush of excitement go through her. She was about to meet up with one of her oldest and dearest friends. This night was getting better and better. Failing to notice the look of alarm on Sirius's face, Mary jumped up from her seat and headed for the stairs.

"Mary, wait!" Sirius called after her. "You should probably know that-"

But Mary was already running into the hallway and had not heard him. When she saw her old friend standing there by the front door wiping the dust from his pants, her heart literally skipping a beat. His hair had turned greyish over the years and his robes were rather shabby-looking, but Mary would still recognize him anywhere. "Remus, you're here!" she called happily.

Remus hardly had the time to process who had been calling his name, because at about the same time he turned back, Mary had already reached him and was flying straight into his arms. "I cannot believe this is happening! It's you. Oh, it's really you!"

She was still embracing him fiercely, but calmed down somewhat when she realized Remus was not hugging her in return. Her friend was just standing there and did nothing, his arms hanging limply at his sides. In fact, he also had not said a word since she had run up to him and slowly, an unsettling feeling started to come over her. She could not explain why, but Remus did not seem to be glad or relieved to see her alive and well. Mary took a step backwards so she was no longer awkwardly hugging Remus and could look him in the eye.

A second later, she wished she hadn't. Remus's brown eyes, normally kind and warm, were staring at her with a coldness that would have given Sirius's fierce glares a run for his money any time. "Hello Mary."

His voice was as distant as his stare. Mary hesitantly took a another step back, resisting the urge to run away. She was desperately trying to figure out what was going on and wondered if she should say anything else or wait for him to speak first. "I... um..."

There were fast approaching footsteps echoing on the marble floor behind them and Mary gratefully turned back to see who had come to interrupt them. Sirius was hurrying over to him. "Ah, I see you already found each other," he was saying in an unnaturally merry voice. "Great. Lovely. Wonderful." He clapped his hands while grinning like a maniac. "Let's head back to the kitchen and share a Firewhiskey or two, shall we? I'm sure you two have got lots to talk about."

Mary blinked in confusion. _What was he going on about?_ She cautiously dared to shoot a glance at Remus and found he was now glaring angrily at Sirius. "Sirius," Mary started but could not finish her sentence because she was being interrupted by Remus. "what in Merlin's name-"

"-Have you not said _anything_ about how I feel?"

********** End of Update **********

_* Song from the title: Into The Fire by Thirteen Senses._


	36. ThirtyFive: Anything But The Truth

**Author's Note: **I know it's been a while, but I've really enjoyed writing this chapter. Hopefully you enjoy reading it just as much. Reviews are nice!

**Dedication:** To new readers FeenixFyre, Eirdaru, Jocelynn and ShapedLikeStars. Welcome to the bunch!

**Disclaimer:** Canon characters are obviosly not mine. The original characters on the other hand...

**Thirty-Five: Anything But The Truth*******

Sirius was experiencing the uncomfortable feeling you get when the two people in front of you are both looking furious. At you. On second thought however, Mary's expression was torn between confusion and just sheer annoyance. The look on Remus's face on the other hand seemed close to being absolutely murderous. "You've said _nothing_?" he said, his voice dangerously low.

"Well, I..."

"Nothing at all?"

"... No."

"Why the hell not?"

"I hadn't really gotten around to that part yet."

Remus looked like he could not believe his ears. "You're serious."

Deciding now was not the time for making the obvious joke at hand, he nodded solemnly. "Pretty much, yeah."

In the meantime, Mary had stepped up closer so she was now standing right next to them. "Excuse me-"

"-Pretty much, yeah?" Remus echoed incredulously, cutting her off and pretty much ignoring her existence all together.

"Look Moony," Sirius said eventually, realizing he had no choice but coming clean. "I kind of hoped... Truthfully, I do remember what you said about Mary earlier, but I thought this would change once you would actually see her." Noticing the look on his friends face, he shrugged and grinned rather manically. "Guess not, eh?"

"Sirius, of all things you've done..."

"-Oh, come on, you bloody sour old prat! Can't you just get over yourself?"

"Hello," Mary tried again after loudly clearing her throat, a sheer note of annoyance notable in her voice now, too, "Don't talk about me like I'm not present in this hall. I am standing right here."

For the first time that evening, Remus really acknowledged her presence by turning towards her. He shot her a single look of contempt before turning his attention back to Sirius. "Yes, I can see that you are here and no, Sirius, I cannot just _get over_ myself. You should have passed on the message I gave you."

"What message?" Mary asked hotly.

Remus arched his eyebrows at Sirius, clearly expecting him to fill her accordingly after all. "OK Mary, listen," he started reluctantly. "Remus has some issues about-" Wrong choice of words.

"-Issues?" his friend exploded. "I wouldn't exactly calling her running off an "issue". I said you could tell her that the Mary _I_ knew disappeared into thin air on the same night James and Lily were murdered and that as fas I'm concerned, she is still dead to me!"

Sirius literally cringed for three reasons. One, the hurt and shocked look on Mary's face was telling him he had made a big mistake by not preparing her for this rendez-vous from hell. Two, he could not believe his normally utter polite and reserved friend would say something this nasty in front of her and he was now seriously contemplating to hex him into oblivion. And last but not least, the third reason, which was making Remus cringe as well and actually caused Mary to shriek in fear, was the sudden rushing sound of opening curtains behind them, followed by the familiar horrifying screams his dear old mother.

"_Filthy half-breeds! Horrible excuses of wizards the lot of you are! How dare you befoul the house of my fathers!"_

Sirius pushed Mary aside rather roughly in order to follow Remus, who had already marched towards Mrs. Blacks portrait on the wall and was attempting to tug the moth-eaten velvet curtains over the screeching and drooling old woman to shut her up, but this was easier said than done and Sirius's last move had made her take notice of Mary. The sight of a Muggle-born witch living in the house of her honorable forefathers was infuriating her even more. Mrs. Blacks eyes started to roll in their sockets and the yellowing skin on her face seemed close to coming off.

"_Youuuuuu! Filthy Mudblood! You and that good-for-nothing bloodtraitoring son of mine poisoned our bloodline with those brats of yours! Scum, scum! I curse the day you were born, curse you all!"_

Thankfully, at that moment, with a mighty effort from both Sirius and Remus, they managed to close the curtains of his mothers cursed portrait, making her thundering shrieks die almost instantly and leaving nothing but an echoing silence, until Tonks appeared on the other side of the hall and broke the silence. "Err- was that...?"

"My dearest mother, yes," Sirius said, wiping a bit of sweat from his forehead.

"Ah, we wondered in the kitchen," a grinning Tonks replied, completely oblivious of the rather tense atmosphere between the others. "Good thing you guys managed to shut her up faster than last time, eh? Hi Remus," she said, turning to the grim man standing behind her cousin, "glad you're here. Arthur says he could really use your help with something."

"Right," Remus nodded after a moment of silence. "I'm coming."

Tonks nodded and walked back to the kitchen. Sirius waited until she had disappeared around the corner before he turned back to his friend. "Remus, this isn't over. We still need to..."

Remus shook his head. "I don't need to do anything. Mary is back in the Order, and that is fine, but I could not care less about it."

He tried to stop him, but his friend was already pushing past him to stride into the kitchen of Grimmauld Place. Sirius briefly closed his eyes before turning back to see how Mary was doing. She was still standing in the middle of the hall, arms crossed over her chest and her eyes fixed on the curtains of the cursed painting. He felt more sorry for her than he could say, and he knew he was to blame once again. He should not have kept her in the dark about Remus, but he honestly thought that his friend would lighten up once he saw her. Mary appeared to be in some kind of remote trance, and Sirius hesitantly walked up to her. "Love, I-"

"-Your mother. How in Merlin's name did she... get up there?"

He shrugged moodily. "I wasn't kidding when I said the Banshee is still haunting me. She must have used the strongest Permanent Sticking Charm possible to make something like this happen, because although we tried to remove it repeatedly, the thing just won't come off."

Mary's eyes were still fixed on the canvas. "She scared the hell out of me."

"Don't worry, she cannot do anything but yell. And if we are quietly enough in here, she won't even realize her house is full of wizards and witches she considers inferior to her own kin."

She finally took her focus of the portrait. The dismayed look on her face broke his heart. "Sirius..."

"I know, I should have said something. I'm so sorry, love."

"I'm trying to understand him. Why -"

There was a cracking sound and the familiar rebounding sounds of a wooden leg bounced on the marble floor. _Clunk. Clunk. Clunk_. Mad-Eye Moody had just apparated into the middle of Grimmauld Place. The old Auror walked up to them and thoroughly screened Mary up and down with his magic eye. "Well Woods, here's hoping you haven't lost your touch while you were abroad. As I remember, you used to be an excellent dueller. Welcome back."

He firmly shook her hand, nodded curtly at Sirius and waisted not another second to make his way to the kitchen, not really giving Mary a chance to say anything in return. "I would like to say he looks well," she said quietly, frowning as she listened to the welcoming noises of the people in the kitchen, "But he's gained quite the collection of new scars while I was away. Is he still working as an Auror?"

Sirius could not help but grin. "No. The Ministry thought the stress of the job got to him over the years, but he's still as brilliant as he used to be. Just a tad more mad."

"Hmm."

_Crack! Crack!_

Two new people had arrived to attend tonights Order meeting. The tall and dark man solemnly shook Mary's hand and introduced himself as Kingsley Shacklebolt, while the short black-haired witch called Hestia Jones smiled at her warmly and offered to share a cup of tea later that night and get to know each other better. So far according to Sirius, the only person not welcoming Mary back with open arms was the one person she would have expected to be over the moon. When Kingsley and Hestia were finally out of their hearing range, Mary ran a hand through her hair and tried to smile. "They seem nice."

"Kingsley's a fine bloke. One of the best Aurors out there. I don't talk to Hestia that often, though."

"But what about Remus? I have never seen him like this before."

Sirius wished he was able to console her like back in the old days, but in all honesty, he did not know how. Remus was not about to welcome her back in his life anytime soon, he had made that very clear. "I... We'll figure something out, okay? For the time being, I think it's best if you leave him alone."

"How can he blame me for what happened? _How?_ Does he know the whole story, that Dumbledore practically forced me to leave town? It was not a voluntary leave of absence."

"I know that, you don't have to convince me of anything."

She blew her hair out of her face, starting to look annoyed again. "But he's making me feel bad! I don't have any regrets, not anymore." She straightened her back proudly, her eyes shimmering indignantly. "And I will be damned if he thinks he can make me feel guilty."

Sirius was about to say she was making him proud and give her a passionate kiss in the process, when...

_POP!_

He had trouble suppressing a groan. They were continuously being interrupted by Order members arriving for the meeting. Obviously the hall of Grimmauld Place was not the best place to have this type of conversation, but the look on Mary's face told him that the last arrival was no ordinary one. "Albus."

Dumbledore was approaching them with a familiar twinkle in his eyes. "Mary." He stepped up to them and took her hands warmly in his own. "I am glad to see your journey back has gone according to plan. It is good to see you again after all those years."

It was a subtle change, and Sirius thought he was the only one who noticed it because he knew her so well, but Mary's initially appeared somewhat intimidated in the presence of the Headmaster of Hogwarts. She only seemed to be thrown off for about a second before she regained her composure by shaking back her hair and shooting him a defiant look. "I suppose this is the point where I go: 'I told you so'."

Sirius did not have to guess twice that she was referring to him being sent to Azkaban as an innocent man. To his credit, Dumbledore chuckled. "Right you are, Mary. Right you are. But like I have told Sirius more than once, everything happens for a reason. Also, wise men do not make mistakes often but when they do, the consequences tend to be much more severe."

She exchanged a look with Sirius. They knew who they were both thinking about. Their best friends James and Lily, who were unlucky enough to be killed by Voldemort as a result of one of those major mistakes.

"However," the Headmaster continued, "Some things cannot be broken. For example, your love is what torn you apart and what brought you back together. Against all odds, the two of you managed to find your way back to each other eventually. Love is the most powerful magic known to men, never forget that."

Sirius blinked. This little "Make love not war"-speech was rendering both him and Mary speechless. Meanwhile, Dumbledore was taking of his traveling cloak and using his wand to transport to and hang it from the hallstand Tonks had run into three times over the past week. "It is about time to commence our meeting," Dumbledore announced, looking at them meaningfully.

"We'll be right there," Sirius said after a pause.

They watched the Headmaster calmly head towards the kitchen and disappear around the corner in silence. After a slight pause, Mary spoke up hesitantly: "Back in the 60's, do you think he was wearing beads and flowers in his hair and humming to Aquarius?**"

Sirius snorted. Somewhere along the road he had forgotten how much Mary could make him laugh. "Actually, I have been wondering about his little cryptic love comments more often lately."

"Why?"

"You know the last time I relived a memory when you were still in Brazil? I told Dumbledore about that one night, and he made some big speech about big loves and the marks of it literally sinking into the earth."

Mary looked like she was not quite following him and he smiled. "Don't worry. I had the same look on my face when I first heard about it. The reason I could retrieve the memory of our first kiss by myself is basically because the remains are still there in the field."

"In the ground?" She arched an eyebrow. "Gosh, I'm flattered."

"Mare, all it means is that we're soulmates."

Now she was shaking her head, laughing, before leaning up on her toes and cupping his left cheek with her hand. "Like I needed Dumbledore to tell us. I've known that for years!" She gave him a kiss and took his hand. "Let's get this meeting over, shall we?"

* * *

When they entered the kitchen, it was already pretty cramped with people. There were only a few spare chairs left. Sirius strongly considered to take the two seats next to Remus – just to bug his friend – but Mary was already heading over the corner where Arthur was just conjuring another seat next to him and Molly. Dumbledore opened the meeting by welcoming them all and explaining what they would be discussing tonight: how to transport Harry safely from Privet Drive to Grimmauld Place without the Death Eaters or the Ministry noticing.

The Headmaster also took a moment to publicly introduce Mary to the rest of the Order. He described her occupation, relationship to Sirius and her role in the first Order of the Phoenix. When he got to mentioning her departure to Roberto's ranch in Brazil, Remus was rolling his eyes and studiously focusing his gaze on the ceiling. However, the other Order members _were_ intrigued by this mysterious refuge. "How long have you lived there?" Tonks asked.

"A long time. Over twelve years," Mary replied. " I never considered leaving until now."

"Where in Brazil can this place be found?" Dedalus Diggle asked, looking interested.

"I... don't know."

The wizard frowned. "How can you not know?"

"I don't anymore," Mary clarified. "Nor does Sirius. Or Erin and Oliver. Security is everything to the leader. The location is only known to the people living there. Once you leave, you can never go back. Roberto modifies your memory irreversibly so you don't remember where it is."

"Makes more sense than you might think," Mad-Eye Moody nodded grimly, his magical eye spinning and taking in everyone at the table in turns. "Constant vigilance is what counts. No one can be trusted. Not in these times."

A tense silence followed and Mary coughed. "Er well, all I can say is that it's indeed very beautiful up there. Sunny, too. I'm sorry I cannot be any more engaging."

"That's quite alright, love," Molly said kindly and patted her arm. "Now Albus, on to Harry- that Dementor attack in Little Whinging?"

As the other Order members started discussing the severity of the situation and how lucky Harry was to get himself and his cousin Dudley out of there alive, Mary looked completely lost and Sirius leaned over. "Harry and his cousin were attacked by two Dementors a few nights back", he whispered into her ear. "He drove them off with an exquisite Patronus Charm, or so I've been told."

"How did the Ministry react?" Mary whispered back.

Sirius breathed out angrily through his nose. The fact that the Ministry was trying to get Harry expelled from Hogwarts was making his blood boil. "They should have awarded him with an Order of Merlin but instead, he has to attend a disciplinary hearing where they will decide whether he gets expelled from school or not."

"But that's ridiculous! If he was attacked... Surely-"

"Shhh!" Molly shot them a disapproving look and they quickly turned their attention back to the meeting.

"Moments after the attack, I arrived at the Ministry to do some damage control," Dumbledore was saying, "and both Arthur and Sirius sent Harry owls to ensure he would not leave the house. It could have been disastrous if he had left the Dursleys that night... However, he is still safe, but the time has come to bring him here."

"About time too," Tonks said. "Harry's been locked up there all Summer. Poor kid."

"Question is," Remus said, "How do we get him out of there without being detected?"

"I don't think that's possible no matter how we do it," Kingsley said. "They will know. But as long as we get him out of there fast enough, we might just make it."

"What about Apparition?" Sirius suggested. "Apparate into the house. Grab Harry. And Disapparate straight to Grimmauld Place. Explain later and the whole thing can be done in less than a minute."

"That would work if the Death Eaters weren't following our every move," Kingsley replied. "To have multiple Order members apparate and disapparate to and from the same location in a few seconds is highly suspicious. No, we need something less... conspicuous."

"What about brooms?" Tonks prompted. "Still fast and less obvious."

"Harry _is_ a good flyer," Remus nodded in agreement.

"And he has about the fastest broom in the world," Sirius added. When their eyes met, both men grinned at each other before realizing their fight earlier that evening and looking away.

But no one else in the room seemed to notice. Dumbledore was folding his hands in a thoughtful manner. "That could work. We would need about eight or nine volunteers. Good flyers, who are capable of moving fast and scanning their environment as well as looking after Harry."

"I could use a good flight. Sign me up!" Tonks cried enthusiastically.

"Me too." Remus said.

Sirius would have liked nothing more than volunteering for the job, but he knew Dumbledore would not let him. So instead, he was forced to watch others go in his stead. Mad-Eye Moody was downing his glass of mead before landing it on the wooden table with a thud. "Albus, we might be in need of fierce duellers, so we should use as many Aurors as we can. I will go, and... Shacklebolt?" When Kingsley nodded solemnly, Moody's magical eye zoomed around the room. "Diggle"

"I would be honoured."

"What about you, Jones?"

"Of course, if you'll have me," Hestia nodded.

"Right," Moody nodded. "We might be in need of another few. I will contact Vance and Doge in the morning."

Beside Sirius, Mary was clearing her throat. "I'll go too if that's okay."

The other people at the table turned their attention to her, as well as Sirius, who was staring at her in disbelief. Mary, on a _broom_?

"But you're a terrible flyer," Remus worded exactly what he was thinking.

Mary's eyes flickered dangerously, but she steadied her gaze on Remus. "I used to be," she replied firmly, "but I happen to have a son who's quite talented at flying and he taught me some tricks."

"But Mary, you've only just got here," Arthur said nicely. "There will be plenty of work to come. You don't have to-"

"-Oh, but I don't mind." She looked at Moody. "I can do this."

After another moment, the Auror nodded gruffly. "It never hurts to bring a Healer along on such a mission. If something happens on the way..."

"He has a point. Anything could happen, really," Kingsley nodded, smiling kindly at Mary, who smiled back gratefully at the unexpected support.

There was some approving murmuring around the room (with the exception of Sirius and Remus, who were both looking rather unhappy about this situation) before Dumbledore shot Mary one last look. "Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Alright." He nodded briefly and went on to discuss the details of the mission. What time they would leave and how they would enter the Dursley residence without making Harry use out of school magic for a second time in a week. Sirius however was no longer paying attention. He was not pleased _at all_ that Mary was going on an Order mission so soon. The old fear of something bad happening to her, a feeling he had not experienced since the first war, was hitting him with full force. He could not get his head around why she wanted to do this so badly. Why could she not just stay here and hang around Grimmauld Place with him?

* * *

Later that night, long after the meeting ended and the rest of the Order members had gone home, Sirius was showing Mary around his bedroom on the first floor. The clothes from her suitcase were currently folding themselves and finding a place in the closet near the back of the room. Mary was standing in front of the wall with her arms crossed while attentively studying the non-moving Muggle posters of girls in bikinis on the wall. "Tasteful," she noted teasingly, arching an eyebrow as she turned towards him.

Sirius put his hands in his pockets and shrugged. "I only did that to annoy my parents."

She snorted. "I bet that worked."

"To be honest, I have no idea. They never bothered to get up in this room while I lived here."

Her eyes softened and Sirius could detect a familiar note of pity. Even after all those years, he could not take it. He turned away from that gaze and took off his shirt and pants. As he was tossing them carelessly on a chair in the corner, Mary said: "You really should eat better, Sirius. I know you've lived in a cave last year, but there is plenty of food here. The time for starving is over, you know."

Sirius walked over to the kingsize four-poster bed and flopped down on it. "I know, I'm trying. My body is used to surviving on very little since Azkaban. It's harder to gain weight than losing it."

"I'm sure many women are envying you for your metabolism," Mary replied dryly as she headed over to her trunk. She crouched down and searched the content with her wand until she retrieved a wooden box. She returned to the bed and kneeled on the mattress, opened the box and got out a flask of blue-coloured potion.

Sirius recognized it at once and recoiled. "No, not that shit again!"

"It will make you gain back the weight you lost last year faster than Molly's cooking could ever do. Come on, one draft a day for a month and you will be back to the old Sirius."

After a moment of hesitation, he took the flask from her, uncorked the bloody thing and downed its contents in one go. The sudden soapy and fizzing bitterness in his mouth made him cringe. "Urrrrgh."

He tossed the flask to the back of the room, where it landed right on the pile of his clothes on the chair.

Mary stroke a lock of hair from his face. "A kiss to make it better?" she was saying softly.

He need not to be told twice. He reached for her face and pulled her down gently. Soon all their remaining clothes went flying across the room and they were getting lost in each other. Sirius felt almost ludicrously happy about having her back in his bed, right here in England where they both belonged. Albus Dumbledore may sometimes be somewhat out of there with his speeches, but he was right about the importance of them finding their way back to each other. He was loving her more than ever, and the bubbly feeling was filling up his heart completely. He wanted things to stay like this forever.

Afterwards, with their legs still intertwined, they were both slowly catching their breath. Sirius had his arms around Mary and her head was resting on his chest. He was stroking her hair in peaceful silence until-

"Aren't you wondering why I want to go on tomorrow's mission so badly?"

"Well, now that you're bringing it up, I _am_ a little lost about that."

"It was Lily."

"What?"

"An agreement between me and Lily," she clarified quietly.

Sirius frowned. "You mean, she came to you in a nightly vision or something?"

"No." Mary turned her head slightly so she could look him in the eye. "A promise made when she was still alive. Concerning Harry."

Now he was starting to feel kind of intrigued. "What kind of promise?"

She sighed and for a moment, her mind seemed to be miles away. Probably somewhere around 1981, Sirius reckoned. He gently squeezed her shoulder. "Mare?"

"Do you remember that afternoon when they had to go into hiding and we helped them pack up their things? When we were upstairs, Lily told me about a vision she had in which James and she were killed. She was so worried, Sirius. It breaks my heart again just thinking about it. She said that although I was not Harry's godmother, her son would be in good hands with us if anything happened to them. So in that cold and empty bedroom, surrounded by all the boxes, she made me promise to take care of him if I could."

"And you..."

"Of course I did! But with everything that happened that night and me having to leave the country so suddenly, I was never able to live up to that promise. But now I can."

"I see."

"That's why I feel so strongly that I should be doing this. Please understand."

Sirius wanted nothing more than keeping her safe and wished he could contradict her story with a single powerful counter argument, but found this was simply impossible. He knew exactly why she had to go and be a part of Harry's rescuing mission. It was the same reason he had left Mary and his children behind in that safe refuge in Brazil last year. That no matter both their friends were long gone, a promise was still a promise. And that is is never too late to honour the promises you made.

**- End of Update -**

_* Song from the title: Anything But The Truth by Jack Johnson._

_** In case you didn't know: Aquarius is the opening song of the ultimate 60's hippie musical Hair. "When the moon is in the seventh house, and Jupiter aligns with Mars..." Haha!_


	37. ThirtySix: Don't StopColor on the Walls

**Author's Note: **Alright! Are you guys ready to meet Harry? This one's been looooooong overdue, but apart from having no time to write I also experienced trouble constructing this chapter. I ended up moving things quite a bit, but it worked out in the end, I think. And it's a pretty long one too. Yay!

**Dedication:** All loyal readers and reviewers of this story mean the world to me. You guys rock!

**Disclaimer:** I rewrote a large part of an OOTP-chapter for this update. Hope I did it justice, JK.

**Thirty-Six: Don't Stop (Color On The Walls)***

"A little higher."

Mary was looking at the old dusty study room where she had arrived from Brazil last night from a whole different angle. She was hoovering several feet up in the air, trying to get a good feel of this broom, which seemed to have an entire mind of its own and took a liking in going left where she wanted to go right. Her brow furrowed in concentration as she tried to will the object to ascend at least one more foot, but nothing happened, aside from the broom dropping a notch, forcing her to steady her grip even more.

"Higher! Higher I said, mum. Not lower!"

Mary glanced down at her son standing below, a worried frown on his young face. "I'm trying," she replied hastily, "but this bloody thing just won't- ack!"

The broom made a sudden move to the left and almost managed to shake off Mary in the process.

"No, not like this!" Oliver called. "Move your hands further apart to strengthen your grip. Yeah, like that," he continued when Mary adjusted her grip and steadied the restless broom in one movement. "You have to show it who's the boss."

Mary raised an eyebrow. "It's not a horse, Oliver. That is just ridiculous. It's a flying object, nothing-"

She shrieked when the broom started to shake up and down and had to hold on for dear life. "Looks like the broom disagrees," came Oliver's dry voice from below and Mary shot him a glare. "How... Can I... make it... stop?"

"Well, relaxing a little might help."

_The __key __was __just __to __relax?_

It was the single thing she was incapable of doing at the moment. Mary got more frustrated with herself by the minute. How was it she was unable to fly normally? For a moment, she was right back on her very first flying lesson at Hogwarts. She had been one of last students who was failing to summon the broom up in her hand. She could still vividly remember the looks of her friends, Lily and Brice (full of empathy) and James and Sirius (smirking arrogantly). It was an embarrassing experience, but Mary always thought she would get the hang of it in the years to come. Since she was in no hurry to become part of the Gryffindor Quidditch Team, she never really forced herself to taking more flying lessons, even though James had offered on more than one occasion.

"That's it!" Oliver said excitedly, pulling her mind back to the present. "Now just try and keep it steady."

For some miraculous reason, Mary now appeared to be in control of her broomstick. Maybe it had taken pity on her? She could not help but snort, but her grin froze on her face when her eyes fell on a grumpy-looking Sirius, leaning against the doorpost with both his arms and legs crossed. He was not looking angry, nor was he smirking arrogantly like he had done on their first flying lesson, but he certainly was not smiling at her either. Instead, he looked worried. Unable to resist the temptation, Mary made a u-turn so she could look at him. "What?" she asked in a bold voice.

Sirius was unfazed by her stare. "You call _this_ flying?"

"I'm in a room the size of a shoebox!"

"That's not the point. I'm looking at your technique. Or lack of it, more like," he said frowning as he turned towards Oliver. "How often did you guys practice in Brazil?"

"Er..." Oliver shot a doubtful look at his mother. "A couple of times, I think?"

"Oliver..." Sirius said sternly and Mary was somewhat impressed to see him act like an actual responsible parent for once in his life.

The young boy shrank under his father's look. "Maybe twice?"

Sirius looked up at Mary. "Is that true?"

"No! Or well, maybe he is," Mary said quickly, realizing she could not tell Sirius a lie in front of their son. "But I'm not a terrible flyer anymore. Look!"

She smoothly took two sharp turns in a row... and nearly crashed into the large clothing cabinet in the corner. The silence from the men behind her could not have been more deafening. Mary sighed. It was time to admit defeat. She dropped back to the ground and got off as elegantly as her bruised confidence allowed her to. "Fine..." she said grudgingly, leaning on the handle. "So I cannot really fly this thing. But it's temperamental, I'm sure with any other broomstick-"

"-I'm not sure, mum. You should be able to fly this one too. You did back on the ranch."

Oliver was biting his lip, but Sirius was looking up expectantly. "This is your broomstick, Oliver? What kind do you fly?"

"The most recent of the Nimbus series."

Sirius nodded and scratched his chin thoughtfully. "Right... Right. I'll be back." He turned on his heel and headed out of the door. They could hear him quickly descending the stairs. It only took about a minute before there were multiple footsteps on the stairs. Sirius returned to the room, both Ron and Erin hot on his heels. He was holding out a rather battered-looking broom to her. Mary screwed up her nose at the sight of it. "What's that?"

The look on the disdain might have gone by unnoticed to most people, but not Sirius, who smirked in return. "Well, I'm sorry, your highness. Does this fine broom not live up to your royal standards?"

Mary shot him a glare. "It's not looking too fancy, now is it? Will it still go up in the air?"

"Of course it will."

"Is that a classic Shooting Star?" Oliver asked, who had come up to have a closer look. "That's a real decent broom, mum. Just not as fast as-"

"-Every other broom out there", Ron finished, grinning at Mary. "It's really loyal, though. Gotta try real hard to fall of this one. You're welcome to use it tonight."

"Thanks, I guess," Mary replied, still a little hesitant.

Ron however took her answer as a solid yes. He was elbowing Sirius with an excited look on his face. "Hey Sirius, d'you think mum and dad will get me a brand new one if this one breaks up on the way?"

"They might," Sirius grinned back.

"Fancy that! I should definitely get something more flashy than this old thing if I want to make it on the Quidditch team."

"You're not playing?" Oliver asked with interest. "How can that be? From what I've seen, you're a pretty good Keeper."

"Oh well, you know," he shrugged modestly, but Mary could not help but notice how his chest was swelling slightly with pride and his ears were turning bright pink. It seemed that Ron was not used to being complimented about his skills often. "Anyway," he continued, "I received another owl from Harry this morning. Do you think it would be okay to-"

"-No," Sirius interrupted. "You know what Dumbledore said about writing Harry."

"I know, but normally we send each other plent- er... like a couple of owls each Summer," Ron continued nonchalantly as he headed down the corridor, noticing Erin was still watching them closely. "I'm just saying, he might know something's up, that's all."

Sirius grinned, following the redheaded boy out of the room. "With Harry, I would be disappointed if he had not figured out anything by now."

After Oliver asked Mary if she would be alright now, he excused himself to go to the bathroom. It was just Mary and Erin left in the dusty room and by the way her daughter was positioning herself in the room, Mary knew something was up right away. "So what d'you think of this ancient thing?" she asked, pointing to the old wooden handle in her hands.

"It looks like an accident waiting to happen", Erin replied sulkily.

"Well, I sure hope not. I am supposed to be Healing people if necessary, not the other way around.

Erin shrugged moodily, reticent once again. Mary sighed impatiently. When it came to being open about her emotions, her daughter could be so alike her father it was driving her nuts. "Erin love, I can see something's bothering you. So out with it."

The girl crossed her arms and tapped her foot on the dusty floor in silence for a moment, but she did look up eventually. Her bright grey eyes looked just as worried as Sirius's had done only moments before when she was still trying to fly Oliver's feisty broomstick. "Didn't you tell us not to go outside because it's too dangerous because of the Death Eaters and stuff?"

"Yes," she replied a little apprehensively, knowing what Erin was getting at.

"So then why are you jeopardizing your life to pick up 'The Boy Who Lived' and take him here?" The 'The Boy Who Lived'-part came out full of contempt, and Mary walked over towards her. She conjured two wooden chairs out of thin air and sat down, meanwhile gesturing Erin to do the same, who did so, albeit grudgingly.

"There is a long and a short answer to that. Which one do you want to hear?"

"I just... Don't get why everybody is so fussed about this Harry. Why is he so important all of the sudden?"

"First of all, no one in the world is more important to me than you and Oliver. However, you've heard of Lord Voldemort, haven't you? This was a very bad wizard who once tried to kill Harry and his family. His parents did not survive the attack, but against all odds, Harry did. Now, to some people here in Britain, that makes him sort of a wizard God. He's famous all over the country. I don't know if this fame has gotten to his head or anything, but if he takes after his parents who I used to know very well, I'm sure he's turned out alright."

"Dad cannot seem to stop talking about him," Erin said gloomily, fidgeting with a tiny hole in the sleeve of her dark green sweater. "Once Ron gets going..." She sighed. "Well, you saw what happened just here. It's like Oliver and I don't exist anymore as soon as Harry comes into play. And I..."

She hesitated. "Yes...?" Mary said encouragingly.

"I don't know, I do really like Hermione, Ron and Ginny, but... But it's like they're all in love with him or something. And I don't get it! I've seen photographs, and he's not _that_ cute."

"Maybe not." Mary could not prevent a smile from creeping up her face, meanwhile making a mental note to herself to discuss this with Sirius later that night.

"So why does he deserve a bloody bodyguard service when traveling over here?"

"Well, the thing is... Hang on," Mary said, as something was downing upon her. "How do you know all this?"

The girl flushed.

"Erin!"

"Promise you won't tell anyone I blabbed?"

"You won't be having dinner with us tonight if you do _not_ tell me truth, young lady."

Erin cringed. "It's Fred and George. They developed some kind of big ears that we use to eavesdrop on Order meetings."

"You've got to be kidding me."

"They just feel it's unfair that Mrs. Weasley is keeping us out when it's about Harry."

"Hmm..."

"So are you gonna say anything?" Erin asked anxiously. "Tell Mrs. Weasley about the ears, I mean?"

Mary thought about this for a moment. She knew the responsible thing to do here was to inform Molly and Arthur about this immediately, but she realized Erin and Oliver were still new in the group and their position was delicate. Harry's friends would never forgive Erin if discovered she had told her mother about the eavesdropping-device. She decided on throwing in an old case of parent-child negotiation."Well, eavesdropping should never be rewarded. However, when you are this loyal to a friend that you are willing to invent such a clever thing... That's quite remarkable. You know, I think I may be able to let this one slide. However..."

"What?" Erin asked, clearly looking relieved enough to listen.

"I need you to do something for me in return. Tonight, after we get Harry to Grimmauld Place safely, will you promise to be nice? I'm not asking you to become best friends, but believe me that I would not be going on this Order mission if Harry's life was not in danger. He does not know about you and Oliver yet. Or me, for that matter. But that's all about to change. And things'll work out a lot more smoothly if you give him the benefit of the doubt for now, alright?"

Erin exhaled through her noise noisily. "I guess I don't really have a choice here, do I?"

"Nope. Not if you don't want me to go and spoil the beans to Mrs. Weasley."

"You're mean."

"But you love me anyway."

"I guess I do."

* * *

Later that night, a small group of Order members was gathering in the hall of Grimmauld Place. Mad-Eye Moody was currently assigning positions, while Mary was studying her broom rather studiously. She was going to fly on by far the oldest broomstick of the bunch and hoped she would be able to keep up with everyone else. The sudden appearance of Moody's whizzing magical eye in front of her was instantly pulling her mind back to the present and she did her best not to flinch at his intimidating stare. "Woods," he grunted. "You will cover the rear with Nymphadora ("Tonks!") and Lupin. I expect you to be watchful at all times. Mind you, you're still dead to the wizarding world. And despite of all the unsettling things people witnessed happening this past Summer, a dead witch flying on a broom is not one of them."

Tonks snorted and Mary coughed, trying her best to keep a straight face. She managed and nodded curtly. "You know I deliver when I have to, Mad-Eye. I always do."

"Yes, unless there's a convenient chance to run off. You wouldn't know how to disappear again fast enough," Remus was sarcastically muttering behind her, but Moody, currently instructing Hestia Jones and Kingsley Shacklebolt had overheard nevertheless. He swiftly turned and stepped back to have a good look at Lupin with both eyes. "Do I have to remind you there are multiple lives at stake at this mission?"

"I'm well aware of that, Mad-Eye," Remus muttered in return.

"Then I would appreciate it if you leave your personal issues out of this." Moody cast him one last glare before stumbling back to Shacklebolt. Remus remained quiet after this and Mary could not help but feel a little gleeful at his expense. _Just __what __he __deserves_, she thought to herself. She caught Sirius's eye and to her slight surprise, he was giving her a wink. Wondering if for once he was choosing her side over that of his oldest friends, Mary almost missed Moody's take off call. She focused just on time and zoomed off with everyone else.

The London sky was remarkably cool at night, but not yet cold. It was a pleasant temperature to fly over the city, even with this kind of high speed. So far, Ron's old Shooting Star was doing just fine. It took her another few minutes, but eventually Mary felt comfortable enough to have a look around. They were flying in a tight formation, but since she was situated at the rear, she could still check out the beautiful scenery below. For the first time, Mary found she was really appreciating to be back in Britain.

Nothing ominous happened on the way to Little Whinging and before Mary realized, Privet Drive was coming into view. On the frontline Moody had started a quick descend. So quick in fact (it felt like they were dropping from the air like flies) that not everyone had a chance to anticipate on time. Surprisingly enough, this time it was not Mary who failed to make a proper landing. Instead, it was Tonks who skidded through to the end of street and crashed loudly right into a couple of neatly assorted dustbins, causing one of Moody's infamous rants that were usually directed at Peter Pettigrew back in the old days.

To her credit, Tonks did not even flinch. She merely dusted off her clothes and picked off a banana peel while muttering something about "impersonating a bloody flying carpet was not in the job interview". In the meantime, Remus had cleared up the dustbin mess with one flick of his wand. He smiled when Tonks made the funny comment, and Mary did not fail to notice the look on his tired-looking face when he looked at her. It made her pause momentarily and take her eyes off the street, where she had been placed by Moody to keep a look out for Death Eaters. There was a certain twinkle in his brown eyes she had not seen there since Brice. She watched him closely for another moment, until he looked up and their eyes met. The gentle twinkle was almost immediately replaced by a look of contempt and Mary barely resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She forced herself to turn her attention back to the street. She was way too excited to be seeing Harry again and no glare from Remus Lupin was going to spoil that for her.

"All clear here?"

Once again Moody had appeared almost out of nowhere. Mary told herself to get a grip. "Looks like it."

"We ought to move fast to keep it that way. Let's go, but stay on your guard at all times."

The group followed Moody and they crossed the drive way in silence while keeping an eye on their surroundings. The Auror did not walk up to the front door, as Mary had expected, but instead headed towards the back door near the kitchen. He did not waste any time by using a delicate and soundless glass-breaking spell, but instead broke the window with a basic "_Reducto_." They watched him and Kinglsey Shakclebolt climb through the window and before anyone of them could have blinked, Kingsley had already restored the broken window behind them with a flick of his wand. A minute later they could hear the stumping sound of Moody's wooden leg, but it turned out to be Kinglsey who opened the front door. "Greetings," he said rather merrily in his deep voice.

"So... Now what?" Tonks asked, looking around curiously.

Mary was studying the hallway just as attentively. The dull interior had Petunia Evans written all over it. She immediately recognized the ugly orange daisy vase on a desk in the corner. Lily had told her about it years ago; her best friend had repeatedly blasted it to the pieces when they were younger, but felt so guilty that she always repaired it in the end. She smiled at the memory of her friend. _It __has __taken __me __longer __than __expected,__but __I'm __here __to __help __now, __Lil._

Meanwhile, Dedalus Diggle was suggesting to send one of them upstairs and look for Harry. "Don't want to scare the poor lad."

This however proved to be a superfluous gesture, because at that very moment a bright light was coming from the top of the stairs, blinding them all at once. "Lower your wand, boy, before you take someone's eye out," Moody growled.

A rather unwelcoming greeting given the fact they were gatecrashing this boy's house, Mary thought, but Harry seemed to recognize this gruff voice instantly. "Professor Moody?"

Moody huffed. "I don't know so much about 'Professor'. Never got round to much teaching, did I? Get down here, we want to see you properly."

Harry hesitated – Mary could see that, even from this distance and standing in the darkness – and she frowned, wondering why he was having doubts to lower his wand. She supposed he had good reasons for being suspicious after what happened to him at the end of last year. Next to her, Remus quietly cleared his throat. "It's all right, Harry. We've come to take you away."

There was a moment of stunned silence. "P-Professor Lupin? Is that you?"

Tonks heaved an impatient sigh. "Why are we all standing in the dark? _Lumos_." Her wand-tip flared immediately and all of the sudden, the hall was magically illuminated with the brightest of lights, giving Mary a clear look on what Harry looked like at the age of fourteen. He was the spitting image of James, untidy jetblack hair and all, but even from this distance she could see the bright green eyes behind his glasses. Her heart was beating a lot faster all of the sudden, but it seemed like she was not the only who was in awe at the sight of Harry Potter (albeit for entirely different reasons).

"Oooh, he looks just like I thought he would," Tonks was saying excitedly. "Wotcher, Harry!" she grinned.

"Yeah, I see what you mean, Remus," Kingsley Shacklebolt was saying. "He looks exactly like James."

"Except the eyes," Dedalus Diggle noted earnestly. "Lily's eyes."

Harry's eyes were shooting from left to right as if he was wondering if what he was looking at was really happening. His green eyes eventually came to rest on Mary, who resisted the urge to gush over the fact he had grown up so much since the last time she hold him as a toddler and smiled kindly. "Hi, Harry."

Moody on the other hand was still putting security for everything else. "Are you quite sure it's him, Lupin?" he growled. "It'd be a nice lookout if we bring back some Death Eater impersonating him. We ought to ask him something only the real Potter would know. Unless anyone brought any Veritaserum?"

For some reason, he turned back and looked at Mary, who arched an eyebrow. "Oh no, I'm all out," she replied sarcastically.

This earned her an annoyed glare from Moody, but meanwhile Remus was stepping in. "Harry, what form does your Patronus take?"

"A stag."

Mary stared at Harry in awe. He was able to conjure a Patronus at the age of fourteen? That was some powerful wizard...

It was all Remus needed to know. "It's him, Mad-Eye."

There was another moment of silence, until Tonks ushered Harry to come down towards them. He ascended the stairs carefully, realizing everyone was watching his every step. When he put his wand in the back pocket of his oversized jeans, Moody exploded. "Don't put your wand there, boy!" he roared. "What if it ignited? There may be a Healer among us tonight, but she can only do so much. Better wizards than you have lost buttocks, you know!"

Tonks looked up and elbowed Moody. "Who d'you know who's lost a buttock?"

"Never you mind, you just keep your wand out of your back pocket," the Auror growled while stumping off towards the kitchen. "Elementary wand-safety, nobody bothers about it any more. And I saw that," he added irritably as Tonks rolled her eyes towards the ceiling.

By this time Harry had reached the bottom of the stairs and seemed lost on what to do next. Mary put a hand on her shoulder and whispered: "Don't you worry, Harry, I would have placed both your buttocks back in place in no time." She winked at him confidentially before following Kingsley and the others towards the kitchen, leaving only Harry and Remus behind in the hallway.

* * *

The kitchen and living room of Privet Drive 4 also happened to be 'over-Petuniafied' and Mary wondered how anyone could bear the overkill of old-fashioned china en bowls of potpourri on the window-sill. She leaned back against the sink next to Emmeline Vance and chuckled when Tonks sneezed repeatedly after smelling the potpourri. "Urrrrgh, what _is_ this stuff!"

Mary was about to answer when she heard Remus's voice coming through the door. "...set up Headquarters somewhere undetectable. It's taken a while..."

He walked up to Moody, who was sitting at the kitchen table swigging from a hip flask, his magical eye once again spinning in all directions as to keep an eye on what has happening. "This is Alastor Moody, Harry," Remus said.

"Yeah, I know," Harry said after a rather delicate pause.

"And this is Nymphadora-"

"_Don't_call me Nymphadora, Remus." Tonks glared at him, and once again Mary noticed there was something more between them than friendship.

"-Nymphadora Tonks, who prefers to be known by her surname Tonks", he finished lightly.

Tonks huffed. "So would you if your fool of a mother had called you _Nymphadora_."

"And this is Kingsley Shacklebolt," Remus continued. "Elphias Doge. Dedalus Diggle. Sturgis Podmore. Hestia Jones. Emmeline Vance, and Mary Woods."

Mary shook Harry's hand and smiled. "It's so nice to see you again after all these years." The words had escaped her lips before she could stop them, and once again Remus's cold eyes were upon her. Harry was watching the two of them curiously, but Remus quickly guided him away to Moody before he could have asked anything. Mary sighed and rubbed her brow tiredly. "Nice timing," Emmeline was whispering next to her.

"I know," she replied, exhaling slowly. "It just... came out. Last time I saw him he was only a toddler, you know."

"Ah," Emmeline said reasonably, "These things happen to the best of us."

Mary turned her attention back to Lupin, who was just saying: "We're just waiting for the signal to tell us it's safe to set off. We've got about fifteen minutes."

Meanwhile, Tonks was peering into some of the kitchen cabinets. Mary did not feel the need to tell her it was quite rude to be going through other people's possessions like that, simply because she still hated Petunia for how she used to treat her own sister. So instead, she crossed her arms and watched Tonks opening the fridge with an amused look on her face. "Very [i]clean[/i], aren't they, these Muggles?" Tonks said. "My dad's Muggle-bornand he's a right old slob. I suppose it varies, just as it does with wizards?"

"Er – yeah," Harry replied, looking a bit puzzled. He turned back to Lupin. "Look- what's going on, I haven't heard anything from anyone, what's Vol-?"

Mary and Remus were not among them, but several witches and wizards in the kitchen made furious hissing voices. Dedalus Diggle dropped his hat and even Moody growled: 'Shut up!"

"What?" Harry asked.

"We're not discussing anything here, it's too risky," the Auror elaborated before noticing his magical eye was still focused on the ceiling. "Damn it! It keeps getting stuck – ever since that scum wore it."

He tried to pop out his eye. After three attempts he succeeded and with a nasty squelching sound, the eye popped out into his hands. Mary's stomach turned at the sound of it and Tonks also appeared disgusted by the sight, noting dryly: "Mad-Eye, you do know that's disgusting, don't you?"

Moody shrugged and asked Harry to fetch him a glass of water. After the Auror had plunged his eye in the water, he grunted: "I want three hundred and sixty degrees visibility on the return journey."

"How're we getting – wherever we're going?" Harry asked, looking around the group.

"Brooms," Remus replied with the note of a smile on his face. "Only way. You're too young to Apparate, they'll be watching the Floo Network and it's more than our life's worth to set up an unauthorized Portkey."

"Remus says you're a good flyer," Kinglsey was saying from the other end of the room.

"He's excellent," Remus said. "Anyway, you'd better go and get packed, Harry, we want to be ready to go when the signal comes."

"I'll come and help you!" Tonks offered brightly. The two headed upstairs together and they could still hear them talking upstairs while they were gathering Harry's belongings. Meanwhile, the others kept a watchful eye on the environment, since Moody's eye was still bobbing around in the glass of water. Mary tried not to look at it and instead focused on the photographs on the wall in the living room. They were all of Vernon, Petunia and some kid who was way too fat for his own good. Dudley, she reasoned. Harry was nowhere to be found. It was like he did not exist, Mary realized. She felt a surge on outrage on James and Lily's behalf – if they would know how their son was being treated by the Dursleys... James would have wanted to blow up the whole house, and Vernon and Petunia in it.

Mary made a resolution at that very moment; she would provide some kind of home with her family for Harry if it would kill her. He might not know the truth about her, Erin and Oliver yet, but Sirius would explain everything soon enough. And Harry would be more than welcome to spend his holidays at Grimmauld Place with the rest of them. Unable to resist herself, she positioned herself in front of the largest framed picture, sneakily reached for her wand and used it to draw a large and permanent black moustache on Petunia's upper lip.

"Mary, we're getting ready", came Sturgis's voice from the hallway. "Are you coming?"

"I'll be right there."

When Mary had walked back to the rest of the group, she heard Remus informing Harry that he had left a little note for the Dursleys, explaining where they had gone. "-so they won't have to worry-"

"-They won't," Harry said.

"-And that you're safe-"

"That'll just depress them."

"-and you'll see them again next Summer."

"Do I have to?"

At that moment, Moody pulled Harry towards him. "Come here, boy. I need to Disillusion you."

"You need to do what?" Harry asked, looking nervous.

"Disillusionment Charm. Lupin says you've got an Invisibility Cloak, but it won't stay on while we're flying; this'll disguise you better. Here you go-"

Moody tapped him on the head, making Harry disappear entirely in seconds. "Nice one, Mad-Eye," Tonks said, a note of admiration in her voice.

"Come on," Moody said undisturbed, unlocking the back door with his wand. Everyone, including the currently invisible Harry, stepped out on the lawn. "Clear night," the Auror mumbled. "Could've done with a bit more cloud cover. Right, you!" he shouted at Harry. "We're going to be flying in close formation. Tonks'll be right in front of you, keep close on her tail. Lupin'll be covering you from below. I'm going to be behind you. The rest'll be circling us. We don't break anything for anyone, got me? If one of us is killed-"

"Is that likely?" Harry asked, a note of apprehension in his voice.

Moody ignored him. "-the others keep flying, don't stop, don't break ranks. If they take out all of us, Harry, and you survive, the rear guard are standing by to take over, keep flying east and they'll join you."

Mary noticed the look of sheer horror on the boy's face. This was no way to start off a mission. She was about to say something about it to Moody, but was beaten to the punch by Tonks: "Stop being so cheerful, Mad-Eye, he'll think we're not taking this seriously."

Moody glared at her. "I'm just telling the boy the plan. Our job's to deliver him safely to Headquarters and if we die in the attempt-"

Kingsley decided to intervene at this very moment. "No one is going to die," he said reassuringly.

Meanwhile, Remus had spotted a shower of red sparks way up in the sky. "Mount your brooms," he called, "that's the first signal!"

Mary had only just swung her right leg over her broomstick when a second shower of sparks, green this time, exploded far above them, and Remus shouted: "Second signal, let's go!"

The group ascended the dark sky even faster than on their journey towards Little Whinging earlier that night, the neat square gardens of Privet Drive falling away quickly and soon turning into a patchwork of dark greens and blacks. Mary was on the left side of Tonks and Moody and kept a close eye on the first signs of a possible attack. She was starting to relax a little bit after ten minutes or so, and actually enjoyed this flight back to London. She felt like Moody had been overreacting slightly about the current death threat, but she had always fully agreed with him on one matter: in a world full of Death Eaters, constant vigilance could be just the difference between life or death.

**- End of Update -**

_* Song from the title: Dont's Stop (Color On The Walls) by Foster The People._


	38. ThirtySeven: Bitter Fruit

**Author's Note: **Errr… Better late than never, right?

**Dedication: **All loyal readers and reviewers who are still out there keep pushing me to continue writing. I'm no longer able to update fast, but I will never give up on this story. Your patience will be awarded eventually, I promise.

**Disclaimer**: All canon characters and story lines belong to the marvelous JKR. But the original characters and plot… That's all me.

**Thirty-Seven: Bitter Fruit***

The group approached the London area of Grimmauld Place sooner than Mary had expected. She was quite enjoying the cool wind blowing through her hair and feeling relaxed and free, a feeling she had not experienced for quite some time. She was finally beginning to understand what James and Sirius used to talk about when they said flying could clear their minds like nothing else. Remus's voice in front of her, directed at Harry of course, not her, was pulling her mind back to the present.

"Time to start the decent! Follow Tonks, Harry!"

Mary watched as Tonks made a rapid dive towards the ground below. She could not see Harry, but assumed he was following the Auror as told, considering Mad-Eye Moody was still circling far above them without saying anything. After another moment, Remus ushered her and Kingsley Shacklebolt to follow suit and they flew down together.

Once they had all touched down safely on a patch of unkempt grass in the middle of the small square near Headquarters, Moody, his eye still whizzing in all directions, went rummaging in his cloak. It took him a moment, but eventually he raised some kind of silver cigarette lighter. He clicked it multiple times and one by one, all the streetlamps in the street went out. "Borrowed it from Dumbledore", the Auror grumbled in reply to Tonks's questioning glance. "That'll take care of any Muggles looking out of the window, see? Now come on, quick."

Moody grabbed into thin air – Mary assumed he was holding onto either mn Harry's arm or collar – and started walking towards the pavement. Lupin and Tonks followed suit, carrying Harry's trunk between them. Mary and the rest of the guard were, as instructed, all flanking the four of them.

Finally Moody paused in front of one of the houses and held out a piece of parchment. "Here. Read quickly and memorise."

"What's the Order of the-?" Harry's voice came, but Moody cut him off immediately. "Not here, boy! Wait till we're inside!"

He pulled the piece of parchment back and set fire to it. The Auror continued to stare at the empty-looking space that was Harry. After a rather uncomfortable pause, the boy hesitantly said: "But where's-?"

Lupin stepped forward. "Just think about what you've just memorized," he said kindly.

There was the familiar sound of walls moving to make room for the house that was emerging in between. Mary looked back over her shoulder. She was getting the distinct feeling something, or someone, was watching them.

"Come on, hurry," Moody was growling meanwhile as he prodded Harry in the back. A brief moment later, a massive door was materializing in front of them. Mary recognized this front door from the last time she had come here with Sirius, back in the eighties when she was pregnant with Erin, but the wood looked a lot less imposing today. Its black paint had become shabby and scratched. When Lupin pulled out his wand and tapped it once, some loud, metallic clicks and the clatter of a chain could be heard before the door opened with an ominous creak. "Get in quick, Harry," Lupin said, "but don't go far inside and don't touch anything."

By the sound of his footsteps on the stairs, Mary could hear that Harry was entering Grimmauld Place. He was being followed by Lupin and Tonks, who carried Harry's trunk and Hedwig's cage. The rest of the guard also stepped inside, with the exception of Mary and Moody, who remained on the top stairs while releasing the balls of light the silver instrument had stolen from the streetlamps. Along with the re-emerging streetlight, Mary regained a better look at their surroundings. She was still having a feeling someone had been tracking them after all.

"What's the matter, Woods?" Moody asked gruffly, having noticed her looking up and down the street.

"I'm not sure, to be honest. It's just this feeling I have had ever since we touched down on that square. It's not the Muggles, but I wonder of someone else has followed us down here after all."

"Hmm, that is not unlikely," Moody agreed. His magical eye did a one-eighty and quickly glanced up and down the street as well. "I am not detecting anything out of the ordinary, but just in case… You better stay on watch here."

She looked at him. "What, you mean by msyelf?"

"Of course not." Moody turned back to the crowd inside. "Lupin, there might be something off out there after all. You and Woods could miss the first part of the Order meeting. Take the first watch with her, will ya?"

Mary groaned internally as Moody hobbled towards the kitchen and Lupin, not looking all too pleased about this arrangement either, silently took his place beside her. During the first five minutes, none of them spoke a single word. They just stood there side by side on the stairs in uncomfortable silence as they both watched the other end of the street. It did not look like Remus was going to break the quiet anytime soon, so in the end, it was Mary who decided to speak up first. "You don't have to do this, you know? It'll only take a second to go inside and ask Sirius to join me instead."

Remus shrugged.

"Alright, I'd better get Sirius then."

"No, leave him be. It's fine."

"Ahhh, so you _are_ still capable of addressing me."

After this rather sarcastic remark, Remus had no choice but to look back, Mary thought. And after another awkward pause, he did. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means you have been ignoring me for no good reason all evening, which in any other Order mission could have ended catastrophically."

Remus turned his attention back to the street, where two stray cats were loudly chasing each other down the road. "I have every reason-"

"-Actually Remus, you don't. What happened with Sirius should tell you that there are two sides to every story. And… Well, I think you owe it to me and at least listen to what I have to say."

"Perhaps, but no matter what you say changes the fact what you've done."

Mary grabbed him by the arm. "How many times am I going to have to repeat that my departure to Brazil was anything but voluntary? I was _sent_ away, Remus. Minutes after Dumbledore informed me Voldemort had murdered James and Lily and that Sirius betrayed everyone in the Order. Yet… Even after he said both Erin's life and my own were in danger, I still wanted to go and find Sirius. I… couldn't think straight. Dumbledore practically had to shove me into that fireplace."

Remus shrugged moodily and stared at his feet. "Practically. That still doesn't mean you had been placed under a spell. It was a choice by your own free will."

After casting one last look at the deserted street ahead of them, Remus made her step backwards, closed the front door and sealed it with several locks. "There's nothing out there but stray cats and dogs," he muttered, more to himself than her. "But just in case…" He raised his wand and drew a large circle on the inside. "_Acclarosium Callosus_." Slowly but steadily, a clear round looking glass was appearing, so that they could clearly see the outside world through the closed door.

Mary smiled despite herself. "Merlin, I forgot you always used to come up with those ingenious advanced Defense spells."

"Hmmm. Sort of what one looks for in a Defense against the Dark Arts-professor."

"Sirius told me about you being Harry's professor in his third year. What made you leave?"

"There were… complications." Remus lapsed into silence briefly before raising an eyebrow at her. "Still… It never occurred to me to leave everyone I cared about behind and trying my luck on the other side of the planet."

"Oh bloody hell!" Mary groaned loudly in sudden frustration. "I chose life over death, yes. Damn it, Remus, is that such a crime? I had to make sure Erin would be alright. Also, I was pregnant with Oliver at the time. I did not know it yet, but… If I had stayed, Remus, chances are Frank and Alice Longbottom wouldn't have been the only ones being tortured to insanity."

Remus did not respond, and Mary began to realize she might finally be getting through on some level. "I had to bring my daughter to safety, why can't you see that? Guilty or not, there was nothing I could do for Sirius at the time without jeopardizing my life again. Besides, this was something we had discussed prior to Halloween. We both agreed that if anything happened to one of us, the other would take care of Erin."

Remus closed his eyes and sighed. "I do get that protecting Erin was your first priority. What I don't understand or could ever approve of is why you never came back after things settled down. Sirius may have forgiven you in the end, but he is not entirely accountable when it comes to you."

"Because it was impossible to leave Brazil. I only found out after I got there – no one could leave the ranch without having his memory modified. I never would've gone out there in the first place if I had known… But after a while, I will admit it did feel like home. I never expected to see Sirius or any of you guys ever again, so why not enjoy the life we built there, you know?" she shrugged, not knowing how to explain differently.

Remus was still looking at her, shaking his head in slight disbelief. "The Mary I _knew_ would still care. She would care about the fact that I was left behind all by myself, believing not only James and Lily had died because of Sirius's betrayal, but that you and Erin were killed as well. And Godric, Mary, your family? Do you have any idea what your presumed death did to your parents and sister? It _destroyed_ them."

Mary swallowed. She had often wondered what became of her parents and Jenna after the first wizard war, but since writing them had been out of the question, she had settled on making up a story that somehow, having made their peace with her and Erin's death, they all turned out okay. "What happened to them?"

Remus hooked his wand back to his belt, but he did not look up. Instead, he kept his eyes on the floor. "Your father did not take the news well. He never recovered, turned into an alcoholic, which eventually drove your mother away. She divorced him and married someone else… Your younger sister remained behind to take care of him, but he died anyway, only a few years later after Jenna went to college."

Mary was biting her lower lip so hard it was starting to bleed. There were hot tears behind her eyes and she was blinking furiously to make them go away, but they started to roll down her cheeks anyway. The old guilt, which she had been trying so hard to ignore, was taking over once again. The harsh reality of her family being ruined by her disappearance was almost too hard to bear. She had difficulty breathing and feared she might have another panic attack, one quite similar to the one she experienced at Brice's funeral back in the eighties, but this time, she knew, Remus would not be there to comfort her. Mary stammered backwards and, realizing there was nothing behind her, dropped down on the marble floor. She put her head between her knees and took a few deep breaths, trying to calm down. She could hardly get the words out of her mouth, but asked anyway. "When… did he… pass way?"

"I don't know the exact date. It was in the late eighties. That's when I ran in on Jenna in Diagon Alley."

A brief smile crossed Mary's face. "Jenna… I cannot believe she's all grown up now."

"Yes. I doubt she will be jumping for joy when she finds out you staged your own death, though."

Mary wiped the tears from her eyes and rested her elbows on her knees. "You know what, Remus? I've had it with you blaming me for everything that happened. Yes, I made a mistake. We all did. What happened to my family is horrible… But I will deal with it and set things right if I get the chance." She sniffed. "I reckon it's probably too much to ask if you can find it somewhere in your heart to forgive me" - Remus made a snorting sound – "so for the time being… Why don't we call it a truce?"

He crossed his arms. "A truce…"

"Yes. You won't be in my face all the time how I wrecked your life by leaving and I will simply have to accept that the old honorable friend I named my son after no longer exists."

"Hey now, that is not _fair_-"

"Oooh, I see - You're allowed to be judgmental, but I'm not?" Mary got back to her feet. "The way I see it, we owe it to the Order and the children to be at least civil with one another. If not for me or the safety of other Order members, then please do so for Erin's sake."

Remus looked straight back at Mary, and although the ever coldness of his eyes was still somewhat surprising, it did no longer faze her. Mentioning Erin did seem to have hit home, as his gaze softened a little when she mentioned his goddaughter's name. "Fine," he nodded at last. "For Erin's sake."

Right at the moment they were shaking hands in a businesslike manner, Arthur was calling out to them from the kitchen door. "The second part of the Order meeting is about to begin."

"What about Moody's order to keep watch?" Remus called back while dropping her hand at the same time.

After a moment, Arthur appeared at the end of the hallway. "Mad-Eye says that if nothing out of the ordinary had occurred by now, we're probably safe. As you can see, our moody Auror is fairly optimistic about the success of our mission," the ginger-haired man added, grinning. "I'll stay behind to do one final safety check. Go on, you two. Off you go now."

He ushered them away and Mary followed Remus to the kitchen. Except for Arthur's abandoned chair between Molly and a ginger-haired man in his early twenties, there wasn't a spare seat left. The group appeared to have been studying some kind of map of the London Underground. Dumbledore looked up when they entered and smiled. "Ah, Remus, Mary, good of you to join us. For those of you who did not attend our last meeting, this is Mary Woods. She was part of the first Order and has recently returned to London to help out wherever she can. Mary, this is Bill Weasley, Arthur and Molly's eldest son, then we have Mundungus Fletcher - ah, you probably do remember Elphias Doge from the old days and sitting next to him… Severus Snape."

Since Tonks had informed Mary the day before that Severus Snape was now working for the good side, it was not exactly a big surprise to see him sitting at the table, his dark unfathomable eyes glowering at her from behind a curtain of sleek and greasy hair. But it was an uncomfortable sight, since he clearly had not been welcomed back with open arms by everyone present. Now more familiar with the feeling of being an outcast, Mary suddenly sympathized more with Snape than she ever thought possible. As she walked up to him, he slowly rose from his seat and regarded her with a guarded look on his sallow face. "Woods. Back from the not-so-dead, I see."

With her initial urge to give him a hug fading slightly, she settled for a kind handshake instead. "Severus, it's been a long time." She forced herself to smile. "You look well."

He was still looking at her intently and Mary got a sense he was comparing her looks to Lily and what she would have looked like at this age. Feeling another surge of sympathy for Snape, she gently patted his hand before letting go and making her way over the other end of the table, where a frowning Sirius –continuously sipping his mead while keeping his eyes on her at all time – was tilting his seat backwards. The greasy-looking wizard next to him who went by the name of Mundungus was conjuring a chair for her, and she sat down between the two men as Dumbledore continued with the next order of business. They still had to discuss who had to cover Arthur and Harry's back on their way to the Hearing and back to Grimmauld Place.

Mary intended to listen closely, but suddenly found it hard to concentrate. Her thoughts kept flashing back to what Remus had said about her family. How her father had died after her and Erin's disappearance and supposed murder, how her mother left her family to be remarried, and how Jenna had been forced to take care of an alcoholic father. Thinking how horrifying and hard that time must have been for her sister, Mary felt her eyes grow hot again. She quickly reached for Sirius's goblin of mead and took a few large gulps to suppress the tears. When she finally put the goblin back on the table, Sirius's hand was suddenly upon hers. He looked concerned. "What is it?" he whispered.

"Nothing." Mary shrugged indifferently before making the one mistake she could make at this very moment. She looked up, momentarily forgetting that Sirius was capable of reading her mind like no one else.

"Oh Merlin. What did he do this time?"

"What?"

"Remus! What did he say to make you feel like this?"

"It's my fam-" She briefly closed her eyes in order to keep her voice steady. "Not now. Later." She shot him a pleading look. "Please."

"Fine." Sirius nodded. "But just so you know-" he leaned forward to whisper in her ear "-If you want me to get back at him and vanish his nose, all you have to is ask."

Mundugus snorted beside her and even the corners of Mary's mouth twitched. "Wha- vanish his nose?"

"Hu-hum. James once did it to me back at school. Good fun." He grinned.

Mary rolled her eyes at him in return before turning her attention back to the meeting, which was about to come to an end. Arthur would be taking Harry to the Ministry where the Hearing was taking place. Kingsley, Diggle and Tonks would all be available to track their surroundings and keep an eye out. There might be an additional watch formed later, but the need for that was yet to be decided by Dumbledore and Moody. For now, the Order meeting had come to an end. Molly had already made preparations for dinner, so all they had to do now was warm things up and set the table. Most of the Order members did not stay for dinner and left one by one. Meanwhile, Mary and Bill took over in the kitchen while Molly went upstairs to warn the kids before joining Remus and Tonks in the hallway to magically seal the many locks and bolts of the front door after those guests who had just left.

Mary was about to reach for her wand and carefully move a large cauldron of hot stew from the furnace to the table, when there was a sudden loud crash in the hallway, followed by- "_Filth! Scum! By-products of dirt and vileness! Half-breeds, mutants, freaks, begone from this place! How dare you befoul the house of my fathers-"_

The screams were altered by the continuous apologizing cries by Tonks, who had probably caused the crash leading to Mrs. Blacks's second appearance that week. Mary exchanged a look with Sirius, who had frozen for just a moment. "Oh bugger!" he called while pushing back his seat and sprinting to the hallway. Deciding the stew could stay on the furnace a little longer, Mary hurried after him. She entered the hallway right when Sirius was charging up to the portrait of his mother, whose image had become more disturbing than ever. Mary found Oliver, who was standing next to Ron and Ginny and staring at the monstrous painting with a fascinated look on his face, and put her hand on his shoulder.

"Shut up, you horrible old hag, shut UP!" Sirius roared, seizing the curtain and desperately trying to shut it.

"Yoooou!" Mrs. Black let out a scream that was oddly comparable to the shriek of a Banshee and most of the children present, including Erin, Ron and Hermione, put their hands over their ears. "Blood traitor, abomination, shame of my flesh!"

"I said – shut – UP!" Sirius roared, and with a stupendous effort, he and Remus, who had been trying to shut the curtain from the beginning, managed to force the curtains closed again.

The old woman's screeches died and an echoing silence fell. Panting slightly and sweeping his shoulder-length dark hair from his eyes, Sirius finally turned around. His eyes searched the crowd, connecting with Mary's briefly before founding his godson standing in front of the others. "Hello Harry," he said in a rather grim voice. "I see you've met my mother."

********** End of Update **********

_* Song from the title: Bitter Fruit by Little Steven _


	39. ThirtyEight: New Slang

**Author's Note:** New chapter for you guys, hope you'll enjoy. As always, love to hear your thoughts!

**Dedication:** All you loyal readers out there. I got a little distracted over the past few weeks with reading all the Hunger Games series, but entering Pottermore has somewhat rekindled my love for the Potterverse. The result is this rather lengthy update, ha ha!

**Disclaimer:** Everything canon belongs to the great mind and imagination JKR. I just added some original characters and a plot (which I hope is entertaining enough), that's all.

**Thirty-Eight: New Slang***

"Your-?"

Sirius shook his hair from his eyes. "My dear old mum, yeah. We tried getting her down for over a month, but it looks like she put a Permanent Sticking Charm to the back of the canvas."

There was a brief stunned silence among the others standing in the hallway, which ended by Sirius shooting his godson a forced grin. "Let's get down to the kitchen, quick, before she wakes up again." He pulled Harry along by the arm and guided him into the kitchen.

They were followed by the others, although Mary held Oliver back momentarily. "Did you meet up with Harry yet?" she whispered, both her hands still resting on her sons shoulders.

"Yeah. Only for about a minute or so – he desperately needed to discuss some things with Ron and Hermione– but I did tell him you're our mother and that we used to live in Brazil. He seems cool."

"Good. And what about Erin?"

"She did say hello and introduce herself as my sister, but that was about it." He shrugged. "Sorry. I know you wanted her to be nice, but it's Erin we're talking about. That might take a while."

"Hmm, that's okay. I understand. I think it's great you like him, though." She fondly ruffled his curly hair.

"Are you kidding me?" Oliver said while simultaneously jumping free from her grasp. "I cannot _wait_ to play some serious Quidditch with Harry. Ron says he's an amazing player."

"I would not be surprised if he takes after his father. Come to think of it, his mother had a pretty impressing aim as well," Mary added as afterthought, thinking how one time Lily had saved her from the freezing waters of Esha Ness. "Come on, let's go the kitchen. I've seen enough Mrs Black for one day."

* * *

Once in the kitchen, Mary instructed Oliver to join his sister, Ron, Hermione and the rest of Harry's friends at the end of the long table. She was still undecided on how to tell Harry about her and Sirius – up to now, the boy had no clue about their past and relationship with James and Lily – but as much as she did not like it, she was going to have to trust Sirius on taking care of that. They had both agreed Harry needed to learn the truth about Erin and Oliver tonight, but finding the right moment was easier said than done.

Mary continued watching Erin and Oliver and smiled when they all laughed at Fred charming Erin and Ginny's hair into mirroring objects from the room (Erin's hair formed a wooden chair on top of her head while Ginny's hair resembled one of the candlesticks on the table). After another minute, she planned to check on her stew, but paused by the others for a brief moment on her way to the furnace, immediately spotting the scrolls of parchment in front of Bill and Arthur, open on the table for everyone to see. When she looked at Harry, she realized he had noticed them as well.

Bill however nonchalantly rolled up all the scrolls while trying to act nothing out of the ordinary was going on. "Journey all right, Harry? Mad-Eye didn't make you come via Greenland, then?"

"He tried," Tonks said merrily, coming from behind. She attempted to help Bill gathering the remaining scrolls, but accidentally knocked over a candle in the process. "Oh no-sorry!"

Luckily Mary had been right there to catch it from doing any real damage, although she could not prevent some candle-grease dripping on top of the final piece of parchment. Mary's eyes met Harry's slightly impressed gaze, and she shot him a smile. "Great reflexes," she shrugged modestly.

"Let me dear," Molly said, sounding rather exasperated, and she repaired the parchment with a single wave of her wand. The flash of the spell briefly revealed the parchment contained the plan of a building; it only lit up for a second, but Mary guessed Harry had seen more than enough to arouse his curiosity. Apparently Molly agreed – she snatched the plan off the table and stuffed it into Bill's already overladen arms. "This sort of thing ought to be cleared away promptly at the end of meetings," Molly said fiercely before turning on her heel and strolling to the furnace.

Mary meant to follow her and find out if she could be of any assistance in the kitchen, but when she looked sideways at Sirius, she caught him glaring at Molly's back with an intensity he ordinarily reserved for people and things he could not stand, such as any prized possession that had anything to with his ancestry. Eventually though, he managed to shake it off and turned to Harry. "Sit down, Harry," he said kindly. "You've met Mundungus, haven't you?"

Mary thought it safe enough to join Molly in preparing dinner and left Sirius to talk to Harry. She doubted he would say anything that concerned her while Mundungus was there, and the two of them had a lot of catching up to do regardless of breaking the news that Sirius was a father. It was actually a rather soothing act to focus on cooking, and her stew was turning out rather nicely. Molly even asked where she got the recipe, and Mary told her mother used to prepare it on stormy nights and that she would give her a list of ingredients in the morning. The rest of the preparations for dinner went peacefully and without interruptions, with the exception of Molly reprimanding Fred and George once more for using unnecessary magic.

Even dinner took place in relative peace, if you take in account the many different people sitting at the table. Mary had sat down between Arthur and Sirius and across from Bill and Remus and she was absent-mindedly listening to them discussing how long it would take for goblins to join Voldemorts side. "I think it depends what they're offered," Remus was saying. "And I'm not talking about gold. Have you still not had any luck with Ragnok, Bill?"

Bill shook his head. "He hasn't stopped raging about the Bagman business, he reckons the Ministry did a cover-up, those goblins never got their gold from him, you know-"

The rest of Bill's words were drowned in a gale of laughter from the other end of the table, where Mundungus was telling an, undoubtedly funny tale and had all the kids in stitches. Molly was not a fan of Mundungus at the best of times, Mary had already noticed that, but him telling stories about cleverly ripping off other wizards and making Galleons was completely rubbing her the wrong way. She told off Mundungus before shooting a rather dirty look at Sirius. Mary raised her eyebrows at about the same time Harry looked round at his godfather. He sighed. "Molly doesn't approve of Mundungus."

"So how come he's in the Order, then?" Harry asked quietly in return.

"He's useful," Sirius muttered. "Knows all the crooks – well, he would, seeing as he's one himself. But he's also loyal to Dumbledore, who helped him out of a tight spot once. It pays to have someone like Dung around, he hears things we don't. But Molly things inviting him to stay for dinner is going too far. She hasn't forgiven him for slipping off duty when he was supposed to be tailing you."

Mary decided this was not the time nor place to state she sided with Molly on this one. If Mundungus had remained on guard like he was supposed to that night, Harry might not be facing a Ministry Hearing which could get him expelled from Hogwarts in a few days. After dessert (a delicious rhubarb crumble) Molly suggested it was about time for the children to go to bed, but Sirius had other plans. "Harry, I'm surprised at you. I thought the first thing you'd do when you got here would be to start asking questions about Voldemort."

It was like an enormous load of firecrackers had gone off in the middle of the room. Apart from Erin and Oliver, everybody else had stiffened; a rapid change from the relaxed state they all had been in only a minute ago.

"I did!" Harry replied hotly. "I asked Ron and Hermione, but they said we're not allowed in the Order, so-"

"-And they were quite right," Molly said, looking both tense and equally annoyed.

Sirius came to Harry's defence. "Since when does anyone have to be in the Order to ask questions? Harry has been trapped in that Muggle house for a month. He's got the right to learn what's been going on."

"Hang on!" George called, almost as annoyed as his mother.

"How come Harry gets his questions answered?" Fred chimed in.

"We've been trying to get stuff out of you for a month and you haven't told us a single stinking thing," George said.

"_You're too young, you're not in the Order_," Fred said, doing a remarkable imitation of his mothers shrill voice. "Harry's not even of age!"

"Well, that is your parents decision," Sirius replied calmly. "However, when it comes to Harry-"

"It's not down to you to decide what is good for Harry," Molly said sharply. "Or have you forgotten about what Dumbledore said?"

"Which part?"

"The part about Harry not knowing anything more than he _needs to know_. He's fifteen years old, and not a member of the Order."

Sirius was clenching his goblet harder by the minute. "Yet Harry's dealt with as much as most in the Order. Even more than some."

"No one's denying what he's done!" Molly cried. "But he's still-"

"-He's not a child."

"He's not _James_, Sirius!"

Molly's last comment had crossed a serious line. Mary noticed the look on Sirius's face, whose eyes had turned cold and whose jaw was clenched. "I am perfectly clear who he is, thanks."

"Well, I'm not sure you are," Molly said, shaking her head. "With the way you've been talking about him, it sounds like you think you're having your best friend back."

Sirius's cold glare remained focused on Molly and Mary, like most of the others at the table witnessing the fight, was struggling for the words to smooth things over. Her eyes kept flashing from Sirius to Erin and Oliver, who looked seriously baffled at seeing their father behaving like this. Meanwhile, Harry turned the unexpected silence to his advantage and spoke up. "What's wrong with that?"

Molly sighed. "What's wrong here, Harry, is that you are not your father, however much you look like him!"

Sirius looked about three seconds away from hexing Molly into oblivion and, perhaps seeing the danger as well, Molly turned to Arthur for help at the very second Sirius looked down at Mary. His anger subsided quickly when their eyes met and was replaced by the teeniest bit of hesitation. "You don't think I….?" He asked quietly and Mary was well aware of the others, including Harry, looking at her.

She cleared her throat and gently put down her goblet of elf-wine on the table. "Well… While I agree with Molly that Harry is way too young to be part of the Order, I do-"

"Thank you!"

"- I do believe," Mary continued calmly while ignoring Molly's interruption, "that considering the ordeal he went through at the end of the Triwizard Tournament, it is not right to keep him in the dark like this. Besides, Harry's fought off two Dementors by himself recently, and he saved his cousins life. That event, if anything else, deserves at least some clarification. And he needs to know what to expect at that Hearing, too."

Arthur, who was still sitting next to Mary and had been cleaning his glasses silently, nodded. "Dumbledore knows the position has changed, Molly," he said while placing the glasses back on his nose. "He accepts that Harry will have to be filled in, to a certain extent, now that he is staying at Headquarters."

Molly crossed his arms. "But there's a clear difference between that and inviting him to ask whatever he likes!"

Suddenly, support came from a corner where Mary least expected it. "Personally," Remus said, "I think it better that Harry gets the facts – from us, rather than a garbled version from… others."

"Well," Molly said, breathing deeply but looking defeated all the same. "I guess I'm going to be overruled here. But I'm only having Harry's best interests at heart…"

"He's not your son, Molly," Sirius said quietly.

"He's as good as! Who else has he got?"

"He's got me!"

"Yes. Well. The thing is, it's been rather difficult for you to look after him while you've been locked up in Azkaban, hasn't it?"

Sirius was slowly rising from his chair and Mary felt a surge of alarm, but Remus came to the rescue once again. "Molly, you are not the only person at this table who cares about Harry," he said sharply. "Sirius, _sit down_."

When Remus asked Harry what it was he wanted to do, they boy of course said he wanted answers. Molly immediately decided to send her children away from the room before anything delicate could have been brought up. Fred and George resisted, and after Arthur pointed out they were of age and could not be forced to leave, Molly reluctantly agreed to let them stay. After Ron said that Harry would tell him and Hermione everything later anyway, those two did not have to leave the room either. Sirius and Mary only needed to exchange a single glance before deciding that they would not send their children to bed yet. Oliver, and Erin in particular, needed to feel included with this group of people more than anything. Which left Ginny, who did not go quietly. They could hear her raging and storming at her mother all the way up the stairs, and when she reached the hall Mrs Black's ear-splitting shrieks were added to the din. Remus hurried off to the portrait to restore the calm.

After Remus had returned to the table, he and Sirius answered all of Harry's questions as directly as possible. They told Harry about Fudge's reluctance to accept the fact that Voldemort had returned, the negative rumours The Daily Prophet was spreading about both Harry and Dumbledore, and the idea that Voldemort was quietly gathering more Death Eaters and was working on getting his hands on a powerful weapon. Only then Molly, who had been standing by the kitchen door for most of the time, intervened. "That's enough! I want you in bed. All of you, now!"

She was looking around at the twins, Ron, Hermione. Even Erin and Oliver, who cringed slightly under her glare. Fred however was slightly less impressed. "You can't boss us-" Fred began.

"-Watch me," Molly snarled before turning back at Sirius. "You've given Harry plenty of information. Any more and you might just as well induct him into the Order straightaway."

"Why not?" Harry said quickly. "I'll join. I want to join, I want to fight."

"No."

"No!"

Both Mary and Remus had called out at the same time. Harry looked at them, confused, and Remus elaborated. "The Order is comprised only of overage wizards and witches. Wizards who have left school," he emphasized quickly as Fred and George opened their mouths. "There are dangers involved of which you can have no idea, any of you… I think Molly's right, Sirius. We've said enough for now."

Sirius half-shrugged but did not argue. Molly beckoned imperiously to her sons and Hermione. One by one, they recognized defeat and left the kitchen. As Mary got up to take Erin and Oliver to bed as well, she saw Sirius putting his hand on Harry's arm, holding him back from following the others upstairs. "Not you, Harry. There are other important things you should know. _Non-Order related _matters," he added while shooting a dirty look at Molly who, after exchanging a glance with Mary, nodded and left the room as well.

* * *

It took about twenty minutes to get all the children, who were still excitedly chatting about what they just found out, into their beds. When Mary finally closed the door of Erin and Ginny's bedroom behind her, she sighed and leaned back against the door for a moment, tiredly massaging her temples. She jumped when someone was putting a hand on her shoulder. "Better go downstairs quickly, dear," Molly was saying kindly. "Sirius could use your help with explaining everything."

Mary gave her a small smile. "I should hope things will get easier from now on."

Molly sighed, intuitively knowing Mary was referring to the fight earlier that night. "Well, you chose to love someone who'll make life anything but ordinary, I'll give you that."

"It's Azkaban, Molly. He's been missing out on so much for years, it's hard for him to put things in perspective sometimes. But honestly, he does not think of Harry as his best friend. Harry's as a son to him, yes, but not James."

"Well, I do appreciate the effect you and Remus have on him. You're acting like the conscience he lacks at this point. You especially are a lifesaver; his mood has improved enormously ever since you came along. I haven't seen him reach for a bottle of Firewhiskey in days. Now please, go, before Sirius has spilled all the beans to Harry." She winked and crossed headed up the stairs to her and Arthurs bedroom.

Mary on the other went the other way and headed back down to the kitchen as quickly as possible. She momentarily paused in front of the door and peeked through the keyhole – she could see Sirius and Harry sitting across from each other. Sirius was doing the talking most of the time, leaning forward eagerly and using his hands a lot, while Harry was listening intently, but he – even from his distance, looked perplexed. And how could he not be? He must have thought he had learned all there was to know about his godfather, and now this guardian turned out to have an entire family of his own. Despite the good view the keyhole provided, she could only hear muffled voices, so Mary had no idea how much Sirius had told Harry by the time she walked through the door. Both men looked up at her expectantly, and all she managed to say was: "Hi."

_Pathetic Woods_, she silently scolded herself. What a lame thing to say at this moment. She should thought this through before entering the kitchen. She sighed and blew her hair from her face, knowing all too well she looked flustered, but thankfully Sirius was there to help out. "Are the kids asleep?"

He gently patted the seat of the chair left of him and Mary quickly walked over to sit down, now situated strategically at the head of the table with Harry on the left and Sirius on the right. "Well, Molly and I managed to get them all in bed. I doubt sleep will be on their minds anytime soon, though."

She looked from Sirius to Harry and back. "Er… And you guys. Ehm… How- How much have you told Harry yet?"

Sirius opened his mouth, but Harry beat him right to it. "You knew my mum," was all he said. He looked like someone who just had to process an enormous amount of startling information – which he had, of course – but also curious.

"Er yes. I did." Mary smiled. "Quite well, I might add. Lily was my best friend from the very first day we went to Hogwarts. Kind of like your dad and Sirius," she added, shooting a look at Sirius.

"What was she like?" he asked eagerly.

"Well, without sounding like a complete suck-up, she was the best friend anyone could imagine. Bright too. I used to wonder sometimes why the Sorting Hat did not place her in Ravenclaw, but she proved more brave than any of us in the end."

"Sirius told me you were also part of the original Order and that you were going to be married and had a daughter together, Erin. And…. And that you fled after… On the night Voldemort killed my parents?"

Mary but her lip and nodded. "That's right. Dumbledore emphasized the need to protect Erin from harm, and things were very chaotic and dangerous with all those Death Eaters roaming about, so I eventually decided fleeing was the best option. Even though at that time there was not a hair on my head believing Sirius could ever betray your parents, I took Dumbledore's advice and left."

"So where did you go?"

"To a country on the other side of the planet, basically, where other war refugees like myself were trying to make a life together. And although finding out I was pregnant with Oliver soon after did not things easier, I managed to do just that. Mind you, originally I planned on returning to England as soon as things settled down, but I couldn't leave the place without it being a definite decision. And I had my children to take care of. Believe me, Harry, I wanted to come back here for more than one reason, but as it was, I needed Sirius to convince me of doing so in the end."

Harry frowned at this and his eyes narrowed slightly, until something in his mind seemed to click. He looked at Sirius. "The tropical birds you used for sending owls last year! Is that where you went that Summer?"

Sirius laughed. "Exactly. That night you and Hermione saved me from those Dementors down at the lake at the end of your third year and I left with Buckbeak, Dumbledore made me come back to Hogsmeade. Until he told me the whole story, I always believed Mary and Erin, like James and Lily, had been killed that Halloween. That's why I never talked about them in the first place, and later things were getting too complicated. I would have told you eventually about my family, but I simply did not know how. But now that they're all here… Well, all I can say is that you seem to be taking all this very well. Just know that if you have any questions, may it be tonight or any other day, we'll always be there for you. Both of us. And as for Erin and Oliver, you will get to know them soon enough. They'll be going to Hogwarts this year as well."

Harry nodded and stared at his hands while subconsciously touching the scar on his forehead. "So… With Sirius as my godfather, does that make you my… you know, godmother?" He looked slightly uncomfortable at asking her about this.

Mary smiled and placed her hand on his arm. "It's an obvious question to ask, Harry. And no, I'm not. Your original godmother-"

She could feel Sirius start next to her and shooting her an alarming look, and Mary – realizing neither Remus nor Sirius had said anything about Brice – backtracked quickly. "… did not exist. It was just Sirius."

She gently squeezed his arm, which made Harry look up at her. "Which of course did not mean I did not want to have anything to do with you. On the contrary, should things have ended differently, I would have gladly taken you in to live with our family. Besides, that's also-" she hesitated briefly, but decided she wanted Harry to know after all, "that is what Lily made me swear on the day she went into hiding. That if anything happened to her and James at Godric's Hollow, I would be there for you."

Harry nodded. "I understand."

"No, I need to be clear about this. The fact that I could not live up to my promise to Lily all those years, it has been killing me, really. I feel guilty about abandoning you almost as much as I felt leaving Sirius behind. When I heard they made you live with Dursleys…."

She grinded her teeth, and Harry sniggered. "You knew them?"

"Oh, I knew Petunia alright. That bloody insufferable cow should have gotten of her high horse once in a while with her aversion of anything remotely magical. Seriously, she has caused your mother a lot of pain." Harry was still laughing, and Sirius had joined in as well, but her severe look silenced them both eventually.

"Look Harry," she said with a deep sigh, "I know you don't know me that well yet, but from now on, I am here I should have been long ago. To protect you from harm, but also, for Lily's sake, if there's anything you ever want to know about your mother that is not from either Sirius or Remus's point of view, just come to me. I have a bunch of photographs upstairs from all of us. Hagrid sent it to me once. Those pictures can tell you a lot about both your parents."

Harry nodded once again. Mary was not entirely sure, but she thought he appeared quite moved. But when he finally opened his mouth, Sirius spoke up. "Look, it's getting very late and there will be more than enough time tomorrow to get to know each other better, so Harry… One last question for now?"

"What about my dad? Did you like him much?"

Mary laughed. "Oh, very much indeed. In fact, I liked James from the get-go, whereas I used to loathe this man sitting next to me with a passion. We came to our sense eventually, though," she said, glancing sideways at Sirius with twinkling eyes, who took her hand in return.

"Translation," Sirius muttered confidentially to Harry as he leaned nearer to him. "After years of persistent stalking and sentimental gestures, I decided to give up avoiding the girl and – being the good and generous chap that I was – took her on a date."

Mary gasped in indignation – too stunned to think of a cunning reply at the moment – and Sirius got up from his chair before using his wand to dim the lights and extinguish the fire with a flourish. Finally, he winked at Harry and guided the boy out of the room. Mary followed them, still trying to think of some kind of witty answer, but unable to come up with anything remotely capable to wipe of the grins off their faces. On the other hand, the sight of the two of them was so endearing that even if she _had_ thought of something funny, she would not have had the heart to say it anyway.

************ End of update ***********

_* Song from the title: New slang by The Shins_


	40. ThirtyNine: Winter

**Author's Note:** Tadaa! A bright and shiny new update for you guys. And it's quite a long one too, over 5000 words Anyway, as always, know that reading is silver, but leaving a fanfiction author a review is gold. I'm sorry to admit that receiving comments are the one thing mostly reminding me it's important to continue working on this story despite my busy work schedule and demanding social life. Thanks!

**Dedication:** To Jessluvsharry, who has been reading my stories on from day one and is still patiently awaiting new updates. In my native language, which is Dutch, we would say you have the patience of an angel! Thanks for your ongoing support

**Disclaimer:** With the exception of the original characters and plot: not mine at all (unfortunately ha ha).

**Thirty-Nine: Winter***

After they made sure Harry had gone to bed like the rest of his friends, Sirius and Mary finally went to the bathroom and brushed their teeth in silence before heading over to the lower corridor to Sirius's bedroom. He had not even closed the door of the room behind him when he decided to speak up. "So, what was all that about earlier?"

Mary was walking towards the closet near the back of the room and paused in front of the mirror. "What was what?" she asked absent-mindedly.

"Earlier tonight at the Order meeting, when you went for my mead and downed it so fast you became all teary-eyed."

"I… I was thirsty for some mead and did not want to interrupt Dumbledore by rising from my seat and getting some myself." She shrugged and turned back to the mirror where she started to brush her hair.

"Hmm." Sirius watched the rhythmic movement of her hands for a while, his right hand still resting on the door knob. He had started drumming his fingers when he finally said: "You don't like mead."

"I didn't like it much in the past, but it's started to grow on me lately." She was still trying hard to avoid eye contact.

"Right." Sirius narrowed his eyes slightly. It annoyed him to a certain extent that Mary was trying to shut him out once again. She should know by now he could see right through her, she was like an open book to him. Right now the page read that she was hurting inwardly and trying to cover it up by acting all indifferent. But she was seriously hurt by something Remus had said to her earlier that night. Sirius could also detect some kind of misplaced sense of guilt, a not so unfamiliar feeling to both of them and which had proven disastrous in their past. "Mare, come on. You know I can tell when something is bothering you."

Mary shrugged and continued brushing her hair with swift strokes, which by now was completely untangled and fell over her back in loose waves.

"What did he say to you?"

"Who?"

Sirius sighed impatiently and walked over to the bed and kicked off his shoes. "Remus," he replied as he flopped down on the quilt. "I know Moody put you both on guard when you brought in Harry from Little Whinging. What did Moony tell you?"

Mary stared down at the brush in her hands for a long time. In the end, she picked up her wand and used a simple spell to make the loose hairs disappear before sighing deeply. "I'd rather not talk about it, okay?"

"Of course you don't. You never do," he sighed before pulling off his shirt and pants in frustration and climbing into bed. "Thing is… That way you keep pretending for a while all is fine when in reality you're _not_ fine. I've seen that look on your face before and it ended with you in hysterics on Brice's funeral."

Mary was pulling on a tank top and hipster, but that last comment made her pause in the process. "What has Brice got to do with this?" she frowned.

Sirius propped himself up on his elbows and stared her down. To his pleasure, she failed to hold his gaze this time, convincing him he was on the right track. "Brice's untimely death gave you a serious case of survivor's guilt. And when you entered the Order meeting earlier this evening, you had that very same look on your face. Only contrary to back then, this time I recognize it for what it is. Given the fact you and Remus were both on guard only minutes before coming in, this leads me to believe he raised a certain personal issue. Am I close?"

The look on Mary's tired face said enough. She did not have to confirm anything and he could see she was annoyed by this. "Yes, he did. Congratulations," she added sarcastically. "You're moving to the next round and are playing for the flying car. Happy now?"

"No, I'm not," he replied, ignoring her attempt to get into a fight. "Of course not. I hate seeing you like this. Why don't you tell me-"

"-Because I don't want to!" She finally stumped over to the bed and climbed in, deliberately laying down on her other side so was faced away from him.

Sirius, still leaning on his elbows, which by now had started to tingle, bit his lip, pondering over how to proceed. He hated leaving things like this, but the last thing he wanted was to push Mary, which would only have the opposite effect. He needed her to start talking by her own free will, but getting her that far in this state would be a miracle in itself. So he merely raised his hand and rested it on her shoulder, the safest spot he could think of. She did not visibly respond to his touch, but did not move away angrily either, which seemed a good sign. "I don't want to force you into anything," he said cautiously, "but I am here if you need me. I don't know what Remus said, but whatever it was, he is wrong about you." After a brief pause, he added dryly: "And I'm still hexing Moony's nose in the morning."

Despite herself, Mary snorted. Sirius quietly congratulated himself, because this was a successful step to getting her to talk. And sure enough, after another moment, Mary elaborated. "It was my family. Or my father in particular."

"What about them?"

"Remus knows what happened to them after I left. They… They did not turn out well. I don't know in what kind of fantasy I have been believing all those years at Borboleta, but the reality could not have been further from the truth."

Sirius frowned, trying to comprehend what she was saying. "Fantasy? I don't know what-"

She sighed. "The fairytale life my imagination made up for them while I was in Brazil. Having to leave so suddenly, I never knew what happened to them, how they handled things after learning Erin and I had disappeared and were thought to have been murdered. I always thought… _hoped_ they turned out okay eventually." She sniffed as to get rid of the sudden lump in her throat, but her voice was still affected by it when she continued. "I could not have been more wrong."

"What happened?" he asked gently while deliberately making his thumb move upward on her shoulder blade just a fraction of an inch, making it a small, reassuring stroke.

"The short version is that my dad became a drunk, my mum left him for another man and made my sister take care of him until he took his own life a few years later. Remus met up with Jenna in the late eighties once. That is how he knows."

Sirius closed his eyes and sighed. "Oh love…"

Mary let out a sudden mirthless laugh. "You know the first thing I thought is that it's simply impossible to picture my dad as a drunk? He used to drink a single glass of Jack Daniels once a year, on New Year's Eve. And now…" She sighed. "You know, all I can see when I close my eyes is one of my dearest memories of my dad, standing in the meadow behind the stables in the middle of Winter, waiting with his sleigh to pull me and Jenna up the hill. Only now that memory is mingled with the image of my father being a mean drunk and pushing my mother and sisters away. I cannot believe he of all people died as an alcoholic."

"I think depression is what really killed him. The alcohol must have been the best way to numb himself from feeling the pain, though."

"He wasn't ill."

"Maybe not physically, but believe me, when you're trying to shut down your emotions and memories because they're too painful, a sufficient amount of alcohol will do the trick every time." He paused for a moment, thinking if he should really say what he was about to confess. "How do you think I survived those weeks in this godforsaken place by myself when I was not sure if I would ever get to see you, or Oliver and Erin again?"

It was this comment that finally made Mary turn and look back sideways at him, her bright blue eyes a shade darker than usual, effectively reflecting the sadness inside. "Molly mentioned something among those lines earlier."

"Of course she did," he muttered. "Nosy woman with nothing better to do than to criticize me."

Mary shot him a reproachful look. "Molly means well, Sirius."

"Whatever." He rolled his eyes. "I'm not drinking more than the odd goblet of mead now that you are here, so there's nothing to worry about."

"I didn't say that."

He sighed. "I know. Look Mare, I can give you a thousand reasons why you are not to blame for your father's demise, but you won't listen anyway."

She gave him a sad smile. "Probably not."

"Well then, what do you want to do?"

"What I want is not just possible." She shrugged and tried to blow the hair dangling in front of her eyes off her face. "I wish I could go and meet up with my mother and Jenna one day. Catch up… Maybe my little sister has children of her own by now. I could be an aunt, you know."

He raised a hand to gently brush the stubborn lock of hair from her face. "I bet you'd make an awesome aunt."

"Probably," she replied without a single note of sarcasm.

He snorted and Mary gave him a half-smile in return, which was better he could have hoped for this night. "Still," she said quietly, "There is no way I can show up at their doorsteps unexpectedly. It's too dangerous. Besides, if they don't die of shock on the spot when seeing me in flesh, the Death Eaters could show up and hurt them badly."

"True, but who says that we cannot head out and do a little spying of our own?"

"You do realize there is a multi-Galleon price on your head? _If _we were to go visit my relatives in the future, it would only be after your name is cleared. And with Peter still on the run, I don't see that happening anytime soon."

"Not necessarily."

Mary narrowed her eyes at him. "What, have you got James's Invisibility Cloak hanging around here somewhere?"

"No, the cloak belongs to Harry now." She raised her eyebrows at him questioningly and Sirius grinned. "Ever heard of Pollyjuice Potion?"

"Yes, of course, but-"

"-I do not expect you to brew it. I can easily do that myself."

Her look of surprise had turned to one of annoyance. "So can I. I'm not _that_ bad at Potions anymore."

"That's not what I recall," he smirked, knowing his all-knowing expression would irk her even more.

"I'm not saying that, but Dumbledore would never approve."

"Dumbledore does not need to know, now does he?"

She looked troubled. "I don't know, Sirius. I doubt Albus would keep you housebound for no reason. It must be really dangerous out there and if you get caught…"

"I won't. Not if we have enough Pollyjuice Potion on us when we're outside. Look Mare, do you want to see your mother and Jenna again or not?" Sirius knew he was pushing her, but he was dying to get out of Grimmauld Place and this way he would be around to support Mary while watching her family again from a distance, an act which would be confronting to say the least. "It's the best option we have right now," he continued. "We can collect hairs from some Muggles and just go incognito. It's as safe a disguise as you can get." Mary remained silent and after another moment, he added: "Hell, I bet I can get Dung to get us some."

"_Mundungus Fletcher_?"

"Yeah." Noticing the look of disbelief on her face, he elaborated. "I admit he's a bit of a shady figure, but if anyone can collect us some random Muggle hairs and keep his mouth shut about it, it's him."

She huffed. "For a 'decent enough' amount of Galleons, I bet he might."

"Who cares? We've got the money to spend, you know that. It'll be worth every Knut."

By now Mary looked like she was fighting a war on the inside. "Pfff, I don't… Sirius, I do want to see them again really bad, but…. If something were to happen to you, I would never forgive myself. And by ignoring Dumbledore's advice, we would be betraying the Order's trust as well."

Sirius shrugged. "What they don't know won't hurt them. Look, I don't plan on doing this tomorrow. We wait until Harry's hearing has taken place, Erin, Oliver and the other kids have left for Hogwarts and Molly and Arthur have moved back to the Burrow. Then we pick a date when there's an Order meeting scheduled at night and leave this hellhole on mid-day."

Mary was still studying his face in silence, but after he ended his final plea bargain, a smile was slowly crossing her face. "You've really thought all this through, haven't you?"

He grinned and winked at her. "Well, Prongs wasn't the only Marauder capable of coming up with out most devious missions."

She shook her head, still laughing, and right before she opened her mouth, Sirius already knew he had won her over. "Okay, you win. We'll do it. But only _after_ everyone has left Grimmauld Place."

Sirius cried out in joy and pulled her close for a fierce kiss. The fact that he possessed enough persuasive power to convince Mary of doing something that was potentially life-threatening led him to believe he was doing the right thing here. Getting out of Grimmauld Place would do them both good and as long as they were disguised as unrecognisable Muggles, what harm could it do?

* * *

The next morning after breakfast, Molly ordered all the children to assist her cleaning a particularly musty-looking study room. Sirius, who was about to go and feed Buckbeak anyway, noticed the look of boredom on his son's face and decided to beckon him. "Wanna help me feeding Buckbeak?"

Oliver, clearly relieved to get the chance to skip cleaning duties, quickly followed him out of the kitchen. After they collected a bunch of rats from what one day used to be an impressive wine cellar and killed them, they headed upstairs. When they paused in front of Buckbeak's room and Sirius was about to open the door, Oliver noticed the sign on the door. "Walburga Black… Who was she?"

"My mother. Nowadays better known as the insufferable hag in the screaming portrait downstairs."

"And you're keeping the Hippogriff _in here_? Whoah, that's nasty."

Sirius chuckled. "My mother and I never got along well. It serves her right I use her once prestigiously royal bedroom as a current hiding place for Buckbeak." Noticing the shocked look on his son's face, he elaborated in a kinder voice. "She wasn't cool like your own mum, Oliver. Honestly, my mother does not deserve any of your sympathies, believe me. Now, before we head inside, you are aware of how to approach Hippogriffs?"

"When meeting a Hippogriff for the first time, an individual must show proper respect first by bowing to him, and waiting for him to bow in return before approaching."

"Very good," Sirius said, patting his son on the shoulder. "And don't forget to maintain eye contact the entire time. Never blink, and let him make the first move."

They headed inside, where Buckbeak was sprawled across the bed, currently adjusting the brown-grey feathers on his back. Sirius kept a close eye on Oliver from a safe distance as the boy slowly moved forward towards the Hippogriff and, once the animal had noticed him, bowed in a solemn way. Buckbeak observed this new visitor for a minute before bowing back. After another moment, the Hippogriff gently stretched out his neck so it was in reach for Oliver to pat him. The boy carefully stroke Buckbeaks feathered neck for a while, until he looked back at his father with an excited look on his face. "Sid, I think he likes me!"

"That he does," Sirius nodded, smiling, as he moved forward as well and raised the bag of rats. "Though it also might have something to do with the fact that we've brought food and he hasn't eaten anything in two days."

After opening the bag and letting Oliver take out a few rats to feed to Buckbeak, he asked: "So how do you like it here so far?"

"It's pretty great," Oliver said. "I like the people here, they're all so nice to us and making us feel welcome and stuff. And I cannot wait going to Hogwarts, although it will be odd going there pretending to be a Brazilian transfer student. I never thought I'd ever be named after Roberto. Oliver Alvarez sounds so, I dunno… Just plain stupid."

Sirius smiled wryly. "I admit it's not the ideal situation, but it's only supposed to be temporary until my name is finally cleared and we can live out in the open again. But Dumbledore knows Mary and I are your parents, and he also informs your Heads of House once you are sorted."

Oliver watched as Buckbeak attempted to swallow two rats at once. "The others say I should try getting in Gryffindor and I suppose it would be fun hanging out with them in the same house, but…"

"-But what?"

"Will I fit in there?"

Sirius glanced down at his son, looking astonished. "Oliver, you've got Gryffindor written all over your face. Frankly, I'd be surprised if you ended up anywhere else."

"Maybe…" he trailed off, looking doubtful whether he should continue or not.

"Oliver," Sirius said seriously," you know you can talk to me about anything, right?"

"Well OK," he finally admitted after another long pause. "I'm thinking if I wanna have any chance of making the Quidditch team, I should probably try getting into a different house."

"What are you talking about? You're great at Quidditch!"

"But so are Fred and George! And they've been playing Beater for Gryffindor ever since their third year, so how can I beat that?"

"The Captains are usually organising Quidditch try outs at the start of each year, so I suggest you just try and show everyone you're better than those twins. And if you don't end up in Gryffindor – which by the way I really think you will – you try beating whoever's playing that position for their team as well."

"I guess so," Oliver shrugged as he reached for the final rat in the bag and gently held it out to Buckbeak. "Fred and George have been teasing me chances are I might get Slytherin, being your son and all."

Sirius burst out laughing. "I really rather hope not! I was so proud of avoiding being placed in Slytherin, it would be brilliant if you could carry on that tradition."

The boy looked up at him in wonder. "You're really don't want me ending up there? Because mum said it doesn't matter which house I get, just as long as I feel at home there."

Sirius sighed inwardly, realizing Mary was once again the most sensible one of them and had said precisely what every parent should tell their children before heading towards their Sorting at Hogwarts. Yet, he was unable to look past the fact that he really did not want either of his children ending up in the House of bloody Severus Snape. So, as they carefully left Buckbeaks room and closed the door behind them, he said: "I'm not sure if I should be telling you this, but the Sorting Hat lets you have a say as well. If you really don't want to end up in Slytherin, just tell the Hat. I did, and it respected my wishes."

They headed downstairs to the study room where the others were still gathered and about to attack a large bunch of Doxys together with Doxyside. Catching Molly and Hermione discussing on whether or not Kreacher had been acting as a proper house-elf throughout the years, Sirius could not stop himself. "You'd be surprised what Kreacher can manage when he wants to, Hermione. Oliver and I have just been feeding Buckbeak," he explained to Harry, who had been eyeing the bloodstained bag curiously.

"He's keeping him upstairs in Mrs Blacks old bedroom," Oliver told the others, who all laughed.

"I wonder what the tapestry downstairs would have to say about that," Ron grinned.

"Maybe we should try it out some time," Sirius replied, "and see if that horrible fact shocks her so much the portrait comes off the wall after all. Anyway, this writing desk…" He dropped the empty bag of rats into an armchair, then bent over to examine the locked cabinet, which was shaking slightly. "Well, Molly, I'm pretty sure this is a Boggart," he said while peering through the keyhole, "but perhaps we ought to let Mad-Eye have a shifty at it before we let it out – knowing my mother, it could be something much worse."

"Right you are, Sirius," Molly nodded.

Sirius nodded curtly in return, not feeling the least tempted to try and be anymore more friendly to her than just polite. Unlike some of them, he had not yet forgotten their fierce argument from last night, and he was not about to either. When a loud clinging bell sounded from downstairs, predictably followed by the loud screams of his mother's portrait, Sirius swore inwardly. "I keep telling them not to ring the doorbell!"

He hurried out of the room and down the stairs where he had to use every muscle in his body to shut the drapes all by himself. Breathing heavily, he finally continued to the front door and opened it. "Ah Kingsley, what brings you here?"

"Hestia's just relieved me, so she's got Moody's Cloak now," Kinglsey said in his deep voice. "Thought it'd be a good idea to leave a report for Dumbledore."

"Of course. Come on in," Sirius said, ushering the Auror inside. They headed to the kitchen where Kingsley sat down at the table and started writing an owl to Dumbledore while Sirius, feeling once again of no use to the Order, had nothing better to do than making him a cup of tea. Kingsley was about to disapparate when the doorbell rang yet again and the portrait started screaming again. This time Sirius swore out loud as he and Kinglsey jumped up and stormed to the portrait and tried to shut the drapes once more, this time also being assisted by Molly who had come running down the stairs. "This will be the very first point on the agenda at the next Order meeting," he growled to Molly and Kinglsey as the three of them finally managed to shut the drapes together.

Molly nodded, her chest heaving up and down fast as she tried to catch her breath. "I could not agree more, Sirius."

He nodded, turned on his heels and walked towards the door to open it. Mundungus Fletcher was standing on the doorstep, although his face was currently blocked by the large amount of cauldrons he was balancing in his arms. "Dung, what're you up to?"

"Beg pardon Sirius, me was wondering if I could stash these beauties her' for a'while."

Sirius, who could not care less about this since Grimmauld Place was large enough to begin and the fact that he had that favour to ask Mundungus later on, opened the door a bit more. "I suppose that's alright, Dung. Yeah whatever, be my guest."

Molly, however, saw this quite differently. She must have just caught her breath in time, because no one was prepared when she started yelling at the top of her lungs, making Sirius, Mundungus and even Kinglsey jump. "WE ARE NOT RUNNING A HIDEOUT FOR STOLEN GOODS! THIS IS COMPLETELY IRRESPONSIBLE, AS IF WE HAVEN'T GOT ENOUGH TO WORRY ABOUT WITHOUT YOU DRAGGING STOLEN CAULDRONS INTO THE HOUSE-"

Bang. And there was his mother's portrait appearing for the third time that morning, her screams resounding on the walls even louder than before. The only advantage of this was that his mother's screams were putting a quick end to what would probably have been another extensive rant from Molly Weasley. After they had shut his mother up again, Sirius walked straight back to Molly, who was currently preparing sandwiches in the kitchen. "I'm sorry, Molly, but Kingsley and I agree it'll be too dangerous to send Mundungus back out onto the street carrying those cauldrons. We've agreed he can stash the cauldrons in the study room temporarily, and he promised he won't bring anything else here in the future."

Molly huffed, did not respond and studiously continued putting jam on the sandwiches. Feeling another surge of annoyance with her, Sirius had to restrain himself from telling her off about the fact this was _his_ house, not hers, and that she should stop acting like it was. Instead, he sighed and rolled his eyes, and turned back without saying another word. When he finally got upstairs again and opened the door to the study room, he found the children gathered around Kreacher, who was just addressing George. "Kreacher is cleaning."

"A likely story," Sirius noted in the most sarcastic tone he could muster.

At the sight of him, Kreacher immediately flung himself into a ridiculously low bow that flatted his snoutlike nose on the floor, making Sirius feel even more annoyed with the creature. "Stand up straight. Now, what are you up to?"

"Kreacher is cleaning," the elf repeated. "Kreacher lives to serve the noble House of Black-

"-And yet it's getting darker every day, it's filthy," Sirius replied testily.

"Master always liked his little joke," Kreacher said, bowing again, and continuing in more of an undertone, "Master was a nasty ungrateful swine who broke his mother's heart-"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "My mother didn't have a heart, Kreacher. She merely kept herself alive out of pure spite.

Kreacher bowed once again, although the polite smile on his face never quite reached his bulging eyes. "Whatever Master says." Muttering on, he added: "Master is not fit to wipe slime from his mother's boots, oh, my poor mistress, what would she say if she saw Kreacher serving him, how she hated him, what a disappointment he was-"

"-I asked you what you were up to," he repeated, more than aware of the eyes of the other children, including his own, on his face. "Every time you show up pretending to be cleaning, you sneak something off to your room so we can't throw it out."

Kreacher looked up at him with a mocked expression of shock on his ugly face. "Kreacher would _never_ move anything from his proper place in Master's house." Under his breath, he quickly continued muttering about he had to protect the tapestry from being thrown out. "Kreacher has to save it," he muttered. "Kreacher will not let Master and the blood traitors and the brats destroy it-"

Sirius nodded, finally understanding what has been holding up the tapestry to the wall. "I thought it might be that. She'll have put another Permanent Sticking Charm on the back of it, I don't doubt, but if I can get rid of it I certainly will. Now be gone, Kreacher."

Kreacher need not to be told twice, but the look he gave Sirius as he shuffled out past him was full of deepest loathing and he muttered all the way out of the room. "-comes back from Azkaban ordering Kreacher around, oh my poor mistress, what would she say if she saw the house now, scum living in it, including Master's blood-traitorous woman and her children, and what would my poor mistress say at her treasures being thrown out, she swore he was no son of her and he's back, they say he's a murderer too-"

That was the final straw for Sirius. "Keep talking like that and I _will_ be a murderer!" he called out angrily before slamming the door shut on the elf.

"Dad, are you alright?" Erin asked, approaching him carefully.

"You look kind of distraught," Harry added.

"Yes," he sighed, "I'm fine. Sorry about that. Kreacher and I never got along, not even when I was a young boy, but all those years by himself in this house have turned him in even more of a nutter than I remember."

"Sirius please, he's not right in the head," Hermione pleaded, stepping up next to Erin. "I don't think he realises we can hear him."

"That's not entirely true, Hermione. He may have been alone far too long taking mad orders from my mother's portrait and talking to himself, but he was always a foul little-"

"If you could just set him free," Hermione said hopefully, "then maybe…?"

"We can't set him free, he already knows too much about the Order," Sirius replied, cutting her off quickly. "And anyway, the shock would probably kill him. You suggest to him he leaves his house, and see how he takes it."

He headed to the other side of the room, closely followed by the others, and paused in front of the tapestry he had not attentively looked at in fifteen years, on that disastrous day he and Mary had visited his mother and she turned out knowing all about Mary's pregnancy. He stared at the words at the top, still embroidered in golden thread and shining brightly, which were still filling him with as much disgust and shame as they used to all those years before: _'The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black – Toujours Pur'_. Sirius's mind was only reluctantly pulled back to the present when after a long pause where everyone was studying the tapestry intently, Erin quietly cleared her throat. "Dad, if this is the official tree of your family, then why are you not on there? Or mum, or us? What happened to our names?"

************* End of Update *************

_* Song from the title: Winter by Tori Amos._ A song, which as you may know, she originally wrote for her father. Since Mary discusses her father's fate with Sirius in the chapter, I thought it would be nice to dedicate the update to this song.


	41. Forty-One: Higher Ground

**Author's Note:** Oh dear, it cannot have been that long since I last updated, can it? I am so sorry guys! Life once again caught up with me and on top of that, I had some trouble finishing this chapter and had to rewrite it several times before I deemed it good enough to post it online.

**Dedication:** To all of my readers, but two people in particular: new followers Lizaluvsdoggies and Lover or Hater, who read practically all of my stories on this site in the time span of two days and managed to leave a review as well. Thanks a lot, it's responses like yours that still motivate me to keep writing after all these years.

**Disclaimer:** Not mine…

**Forty: Higher Ground***

"There. That should do it."

Mary straightened Tonks's lower left arm to see if her Healing spell had worked. The nasty-looking purple boils and streaks had almost disappeared, but there was still some bruising and redness around the edges. She lightly touched each remaining bruise with the tip of her wand and muttered a quick charm to make the spots vanish as well, leaving nothing but a healthy-looking arm behind. "See? It's as good as new."

"Awesome, thanks Mary," Tonks said. "I bet the Death Eaters thought his curse would be enough to put me out of business for weeks, but they don't know we've got a Healer on board now."

"Best if we keep it that way for now." Mary rose from her seat and headed over to the other side of the study room to place the Healing-book about cursed cuts and wounds back on the shelf. She sighed to herself as she looked outside the window – it was another bleak English day – and leaned her hands on the desk that had once belonged to Sirius's father.

"Penny for your thoughts." Tonks had suddenly appeared beside her, following her gaze to the outside world. "On second thought," she frowned, "there is nothing that seems out of the ordinary down there, so I have no idea what's going through your mind."

Mary looked up, wondering how much she should tell her. "It's just that I miss my life in Brazil sometimes. For the weather mostly, but also the people that were in it. I wonder how they are doing."

"Well, can't you write them?"

She smiled. "I might." After a pause, she decided to confide in Tonks after all. The truth was she could use a friendly face in London besides Sirius to talk to. "Truth is, I miss having more friends around here, you know. Our world still thinks I'm dead , so I cannot go out whenever I like and… It's just hard sometimes. Harder than I expected it to be when I left Brazil, I suppose."

Tonks shot her a sympathetic look. "Remus still being a total prat?"

Tonks calling Remus, whom, Mary knew, she had feelings for, a prat was so unexpected that it made her laugh aloud. "Well, we've agreed to stop fighting for now, because that is best for the Order and Harry in particular, but I doubt we'll ever move past being cordial to one another again."

"Nah, I don't believe that!" Tonks said, waving a dismissive hand. "Remus just has a lot on his mind right now."

"Indeed. You, among other things."

Tonks flushed. "Eh… Wh-what're you talking about?"

Mary laughed. "Oh, come off it! There are sparks flying between the two of you so fast I'm surprised it hasn't set the place on fire."

"But... But no one else has said anything!"

"That's another thing that surprises me. It's written on both your faces and I knew Remus since he was just a boy. Trust me, I know what he acts like when he fancies someone. _And_ I've caught him looking at you multiple times already."

She looked genuinely astonished. "Really? I wasn't sure he…."

"…would fall for someone like you? Why wouldn't he?"

Tonks shrugged and Mary turned to face her. "Look, Remus is not the easiest man to fall in love with. He's had, and probably still has, issues with letting someone in. Last time I was around to witness it, it almost took him longer to realize he really liked the girl than I needed to get over my initial hatred of Sirius."

"Did you know her well?"

Mary nodded, her mind whizzing with sudden flashbacks of the friend she had lost so many years ago. "Brice McDonald was one of my closest friends who died way too young." She narrowed her eyes slightly to give Tonks a closer look. "I can definitely see you and her have some things in common in the looks department, though."

"Are you serious?"

"Huhum," Mary nodded. "You are his type. Except the hair, maybe…"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, yours is spiky and changes colour at will. Brice was always a blonde."

"Hmm."

Mary smiled at her. "Now, don't you worry. I'm very good at keeping a secret, so I won't say anything to anyone about this, okay?"

"Not even Sirius?"

"Not even him."

Tonks shot her a grateful smile before heading out of the study room. After hooking her wand on the belt of her pants, Mary followed. When she crossed the corridor towards the grand staircase, she noticed Sirius was standing ahead of her in front of the tapestry. Erin, Oliver, Harry, Ron and Hermione were gathered around him and when she joined them, she realized he was talking about the history about the Black family tree. "My name used to be right here. My mother used her wand to blast me off the darn thing after I ran away from home, though."

"How old were you?" Harry asked.

"Sixteen."

This answer earned about five empathetic looks from the people around him and he was quick to laugh it off. "Best decision I've made in my young life. Well, besides chasing and conquering this fair lady's heart," he said, pulling Mary to his side and grinning at her.

The display of his parents showing an obvious display of affection to each other was a little too much for Oliver, who stepped up so close to the tapestry that his nose was practically touching it. "But if all of that's true, then why isn't mum's name nowhere to be found on the tapestry?"

"What do you mean?" Ron asked. "You, Erin and Sirius are no longer on there either."

"Yeah, but we used to be. The burned holes are proof of that. But there's not even a hint mum ever existed on here."

"You're right," Mary nodded. "And there's a very simple explanation for that, Oliver." She pointed towards the golden line to the side of Sirius's name. "That's where my name would have been, should we have gotten married in the day."

Erin frowned. "But you didn't…"

"Hence, Mary never did nor will exist in the official Black family history," Sirius said, placing his hands on Erin's shoulders.

"Only because you two never got married?" Ron, who was standing next to them, asked. He snorted. "That is just mentally retarded."

"And with that, Ron Weasley, you've correctly recapped my entire family history and their atrocious morals in two words," Sirius said, giving the ginger-haired boy a cordial pat on the shoulder. "Well, I've had enough of staring at this gloomy tapestry. Who wants to head downstairs and play a game of Exploding Snap?"

"Hang on," Harry said, looking from Mary to Sirius and back. "You're together now, aren't you? Why not set things straight and get married here? After all, Sirius's mum won't be around this time to blast off Mary's name."

Mary felt about five expectant-looking pairs of eyes on her and exchanged a look with Sirius. Noticing an unreadable expression had appeared in his eyes, she realized the answer would come down to her and quickly cleared her throat. "Er… Well, Harry, I believe that is all in the past. I'm quite happy with the way things are now and believe me, if we still were to get married, having my appear on this tapestry would the _last_ thing on my mind." Harry and Ron looked disappointed, and she laughed. "In any case, it is nothing any of you should worry about. Shall we head downstairs? I'm not that good at Exploding Snap, but if anyone thinks they can beat me at chess, I'd like to see them try."

Harry grinned, all talk about potential weddings forgotten. "You're on."

* * *

The next morning, Mary woke up early with an uneasy feeling in her stomach. She knew all too well where the apprehension was coming from, since this was the day of Harry's hearing at the Ministry. Sirius was awake as well. They got out of bed around the same time, took a quick shower, got dressed and headed down to the kitchen, where they found Molly, still wearing a dressing gown, who was already there preparing breakfast. Arthur was reading the Daily Prophet at the table. After making them all some tea, Mary sat down next to them. They were soon joined by Remus and a tired-looking Tonks, who was just coming of night duty and informed them that Amelia Bones would be the one questioning Harry about the Dementor attack. She looked over at Mary, who shot her a significant look in return, and she blushed while staring down at her hands. Tonks's hair was blonde and curly this morning.

Mary decided to leave her alone and turned her attention to Sirius instead. She noticed the dark circles under his eyes. She knew he had not gotten much sleep last night, worrying about what would happen to Harry if he was found guilty today after all. He had told her Harry asked if he could come live with them in the case he got suspended from Hogwarts and that Sirius had tried to reassure him this would not be necessary, but in reality, he was not so sure if everything would be alright. Right now, he was staring ahead with a concerned frown on his face, unaware of the others talking about Rufus Scrimgeour. Mary gently stroke his hand with her thumb, and after a moment he slowly raised his eyes to look at her. "Don't forget to drink your tea, love," she whispered. "It's getting cold."

Sirius nodded and lifted the mug when Harry walked into the kitchen. Molly immediately leapt to her feet. "Breakfast."

Tonks raised a hand in greeting. "M- m- morning, Harry." She yawned. "Sleep all right?"

The boy nodded in reply. "Yeah."

"I've b- b- been up all night. Come up and sit down." She yawned again and ushered Harry to come over and sit next to her, drawing out a chair, but accidentally knocking over the one beside it in the process."

"What do you want, Harry?" Molly inquired from the stove. "Porridge? Muffins? Kippers? Bacon and eggs? Toast?"

"Just – Just toast, thanks."

After a moment of uncomfortable silence, Remus cleared his throat before addressing Tonks. "What were you saying about Scrimgeour?"

"Oh…. Yeah… Well, we need to be a bit more careful, he's been asking me and Kingsley funny questions… and I'll have to tell Dumbledore I can't do night duty tomorrow, I'm just t- t- too tired," Tonks finished, unsuccessfully trying to stifle another huge yawn.

Arthur smiled at her. "Don't worry, I'll cover for you. I'm OK and I've got to finish a report anyway…"

Mary noticed Harry was no longer paying attention to his toast, but rather checking out the unusual outfit Arthur was wearing. She could see where he was coming from. The pair of pinstriped trousers and the old bomber jacket were not exactly the most ideal combination for going out in public and taking the Muggle metro. Harry noticed she was looking at him, and she smiled encouragingly. "How are you feeling?"

Harry just shrugged. "It'll all be over soon," Arthur said bracingly. "In a few hours' time you'll be cleared."

Harry still said nothing.

"The hearing's on my floor, in Amelia Bones's office," Arthur continued. "She's Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, and the one who'll be questioning you."

"Amelia Bones is OK, Harry," Tonks chimed in earnestly. "She's fair, she'll hear you out."

Harry nodded, but still refused to look at any of them.

"Don't lose your temper," Sirius said, speaking up suddenly. "Be polite and stick to the facts."

Another silent nod followed. Mary bit her lip. "Harry listen, no one will be able to convict you once they have heard the whole story. You did nothing wrong, remember that."

"Mary's right," Remus said quietly. "The law is on your side. Even underage wizards are allowed to use magic in life-threatening situations."

Harry remained reticent, until Molly suddenly tried to flatten his hair with a wet comb, making him cringe. Mary resisted the urge to tell her that, since Harry had inherited James's hair, the attempt would be utterly futile and chose to magically refill her mug of tea instead. After pressing the comb hard on they boy's head, Molly desperately asked: "Doesn't it ever lie flat?"

Harry merely shook his head. Arthur checked his watch and rose from his seat. "I think we'll go now. We're a bit early, but I think you'll be better off at the Ministry than hanging around here."

"OK," Harry replied, suddenly dropping his half-eaten toast and getting to his feet as well.

"You'll be all right," Tonks said encouragingly, patting him on the arm.

"Good luck," Remus said. "I'm sure it will be fine."

"And if it's not," Sirius said grimly, "I'll see to Amelia Bones for you…"

Harry looked a bit shocked at this, and Mary glared at Sirius. "He's only joking, Harry."

"Oh, am I?" Sirius replied, a slight twinkle in his eyes, before winking at his godson.

Harry smiled weakly at their final attempt to cheer him up before Molly reached out to hug him. "We've all got our fingers crossed," she said gently while patting his back.

"Right," Harry said, untangling himself from Molly's embrace. "Well…. See you later then."

He turned around and followed Arthur upstairs and along the hall, leaving the others behind in the kitchen. Molly was nervously fiddling around with the comb she had used to comb Harry's hair. "Do you really think it'll be okay?"

Remus shrugged. "There is no legitimate reason to suspend him from Hogwarts, so let's not worry about a problem that probably will never occur anyway."

"I'm just not sure if we should have told him Albus is going to be at the Hearing," Mary said.

Tonks shook her head. "There was no other way, Mary. You know what Dumbledore said, he needs to maintain as much distance from Harry as possible for now until we know more."

"I know, but..." She blew her hair from her face. "I just feel sorry for him. He feels all alone, even though he is not."

"He has us. For now, that has to be enough," Molly said dismissively before returning to the stove. "I have all these ingredients here. Anyone up for bacon and eggs or porridge for breakfast?"

* * *

The rest of the day, they put themselves and the children to work and trying to clean up Grimmauld Place. Sirius, Remus, the twins, Erin and Ginny tackled the wine cellar, which had been infected by Cornish Pixies for as long as Sirius could remember. Even when he was a little boy, he never went down there because it was too dangerous. But today, this seemed to be the perfect task to keep their minds from worrying about the outcome of the hearing. In the meantime, Mary, Molly, Hermione, Oliver and Tonks focused on cleaning out the old wardrobe of Mrs. Black. They even found robes dating back to the Elizabethan era, which – once dry cleaned and relieved from any possible old curses – would make a fantastic dress robe for a ball or costume party.

However, everyone was still occupied with Harry's return later that day. They all stopped working early afternoon and gathered together in the kitchen. They tried to distract themselves by playing games and telling jokes – at which Fred and George in particular excelled -, but they tensely looked up as one when Arthur and Harry entered the kitchen. If Arthur's grin was not giving anything away, Harry's face sure did, which was literally beaming as he called out: "They released me of all charges!"

"I knew it!" Ron yelled, simultaneously jumping up and knocking over his seat. "You always get away with stuff!"

"They were bound to clear you," Hermione added, looking immensely relieved. "There was no case against you, none at all."

"Everyone seems quite relieved, though, considering you all knew I got off." He was grinning while he looked around the room.

Mary laughed. "Touché."

Molly was wiping her face on her apron, and Fred, George, Oliver and Ginny were performing a kind of war dance to a chant that went: '_He got off, he got off, he got off…'_

Arthur grimaced at the enormous sound the four of them were producing. "That's enough, settle down!" He shouted, though he too was smiling at them. "Listen, Sirius, Lucius Malfoy was at the Ministry –"

"What?!" Sirius said sharply, looking up from watching the war dance-scene.

'_He got off, he got off, he got off…'_

"Be quiet, you guys! Yes, we saw him talking to Fudge on Level Nine, then they went up to Fudge's office together. Dumbledore ought to know."

"Absolutely," Sirius nodded. "We'll tell him, don't worry."

'_He got off, he got off, he got off…'_

"Well, I'd better get going, there's a vomiting toilet waiting for me in Bethnal Green. Molly, I'll be late, I'm covering for Tonks, but Kingsley might be dropping in for dinner –"

'_He got off, he got off, he got off…'_

"That's enough! – Fred – George – Ginny – Oliver!" Molly said as Arthur left the kitchen. "Harry dear, come and sit down, have some lunch, you hardly ate breakfast."

Harry obeyed and sat down next to Ron and Hermione, while the others – after another warning from both Molly and Mary – finally joined them as well to have a carefree lunch.

* * *

Over the next week, it was time for the children to prepare themselves for their upcoming year at Hogwarts. Ron and Hermione were appointed Prefect, which secretly troubled Harry to a certain degree, until Sirius got a chance to tell him neither he or his father were ever made Prefect either. Erin and Oliver were becoming more excited by the day to be leaving for Hogwarts as well, and Mary was happy for them, even though she had mixed feelings about having to spend the majority of the year without them living in the same house. She knew Sirius felt the same, since he was visibly happy to be getting to know his children better each day, but he was convinced Oliver and Erin were going to have a wonderful time at Hogwarts.

The last days of the Summer holiday flew by and before they realized it, departure day had arrived. Sirius was determined to see Erin, Oliver and Harry off at King's Cross Station if it would be last thing he ever did and, after long consideration, the Order decided he should only come along in his Animagus form. Mary, not able to transform into an animal at will, had found a classic Muggle outfit (grey skirt, long black coat and a cute-looking cap) in Mrs. Black's closet that fit quite nicely – at first she had been astounded to come across a single Muggle object in Grimmauld Place, but then she realized even pureblood wizards and witches sometimes needed to prevent standing out in a Muggle crowd – and since it was a particularly sunny day, she could also put on the enormous black sunglasses that came with the outfit. If she put up her hair in a bun and stuck it under the hat, she could pass for an ordinary London commuter.

So despite some people (Molly and Remus in particular) objecting to Sirius and Mary being part of the guard that would escort Harry to King's Cross, that morning the two of them were standing in the hall while waiting for the children to come again. "Are you excited?" Mary asked.

Sirius grinned down at her. "Ecstatic."

"I bet. Just… Just be careful out there, okay? If we encounter any potential danger in the streets, you take your furry ass out of there as quickly as possible."

"Don't worry, I will," he said reassuringly. Even though Mary knew full well he was lying – he would never leave either her or his family (and that included Harry) if it would kill him -, it did make her feel a little better.

As their children and the other came downstairs one by one with their trunks banging on the stairs behind them – Erin seemed quite nervous, while Oliver looked merely excited – they tried to ignore the loud screams of Mrs. Black's portrait. No one bothered to close the curtains over her anymore, since all the noise in the hall was bound to rouse her again, anyway. After Sirius had transformed into the large scruffy dog that was his Animagus form, the entire party left Grimmauld Place.

Mary sniffed up the crisp morning air and lifted her face to enjoy the warmth of the rays of sunlight on her skin. She had forgotten how good it felt to be outside during the day. Erin was walking next to her, dragging her trunk - including the cage with her new pet, the red tabby cat called Ruby - behind her, and they were soon joined by Tonks, disguised as an old woman with tightly grey curled hair. "Are you ready?" Mary asked her daughter, while shooting Tonks a smile.

"I guess so," Erin replied. "I just hope I didn't forget anything important."

"Well, if you did, just owl us and tell us what you need. We can easily send it to Hogwarts, so don't you worry. I'm sure you're really going to enjoy your time at school."

Erin smiled nervously. "It's such a funny idea that later today, I will finally know in which House I've been sorted."

"Your father and I are also dying to find out and even though Headmaster Dumbledore can tell us, we would love to hear it from you. Will you let us know?"

"Sure."

"Just keep in mind, even if you are not sorted into Gryffindor, you will still be able to hang out with Ginny and the others."

Erin gave her a shy smile. "I hope so. I would like to think of her as a friend."

Mary smiled back and looked around the street they were crossing next. There were about six wizards circling around their large group and at the moment, nothing really looked out of the ordinary. Well, nothing except Sirius, who was going out of his way to entertain Harry, Oliver and the other boys. He was gamboling around them, snapping at pigeons and chasing his own tail. Mary noticed Molly was restraining herself to say something about it, but Mary had to admit she could understand where Sirius was coming from. He had been locked up inside for so long… And he _was_ behaving like a real dog. A badly trained one at that, but a dog nevertheless.

It took them another twenty minutes to reach King's Cross on foot and nothing more eventful happened during that time than Sirius scaring a couple of cats for the children's entertainment. Once inside the station they lingered casually beside the barrier between platform nine and three-quarters until the coast was clear, then each of them leaned against it in turn and fell through on to platform nine and three-quarters, where the Hogwarts Express stood belching sooty steam over a platform packed with departing students and their families.

"I hope the others make it in time," Molly was saying anxiously, arching her neck to be the first to spot any new arrivals.

"I'm sure they will, Molly," Mary said. "Nothing seemed to be amiss."

"That is what troubles me," Molly replied, frowning slightly. "It almost seems too quiet."

"Nice dog, Harry!" a tall dark boy with dreadlocks was calling from ahead.

"Thanks, Lee," Harry replied, grinning, as Sirius wagged his tail even more frantically, making Oliver chuckle.

The next moment Molly heaved a relieved sigh and Mary turned back, seeing Mad-Eye Moody approaching as he pushed a trolley loaded with their trunks. "All OK," he muttered to Mary, Molly and Tonks. "Don't think we're followed…"

A few seconds later Arthur emerged on the platform with Ron and Hermione. They had almost unloaded Moody's luggage trolley when Remus turned up with Fred, George and Ginny.

"No trouble?" Moody growled.

"Nothing happened," Remus replied.

"I'll still be reporting Sturgis to Dumbledore," Moody continued, "that is the second time he's not turned up in a week. Getting as unreliable as Mundungus."

"Well, look after yourselves," Remus, shaking the hands of all the children. He ended with Harry and gave him a clap on the shoulder. "You too, Harry. Be careful."

"Yeah, keep you head down and your eyes peeled," Moody chimed in gruffly. "And don't forget – all of you –" he said, looking around sternly, "careful what you put in writing. If in doubt, don't put it in a letter at all."

Mary noticed Erin, sitting on the side of her trunk, was looking up, and she crouched down in front of her. "Moody's not talking about asking us to send you a book your forgot, honey. There's nothing wrong with that. Just never use our real names, like we discussed."

Erin rolled her eyes. "Of course not, I'm not stupid."

Mary briefly put her hand against her daughter's cheek. "I know you're not," she said softly before getting back up and pulling first Oliver and then Harry into a close hug, telling them both to have fun and that they should not be doing anything she would not do, earning herself two mischievous grins in return.

Tonks was next, who was hugging Hermione, Ginny and Erin. "It's been great meeting all of you. We'll see you soon, I expect."

They were interrupted by a warning whistle and the remaining students on the platform started hurrying onto the Express.

"Quick, quick," Molly said distractedly, hugging them at random and catching Harry twice. "Write… Be good… if you've forgotten anything we'll send it on… on to the train now, hurry…"

For one brief moment, Sirius reared on its hind legs and placed his paws on Harry's shoulders, but Molly shoved Harry away to the train door, hissing, "For heavens sake, act more like a dog, Sirius!"

"See you!" Harry called out of the open window as the train began to move. Mary watched the Express accelerate faster than she would have liked, but Sirius ran along with it as long as he possibly could. When the train had rounded a bend and disappeared from view and Sirius finally returned to the group, Molly could no longer keep quiet. "I hope you're happy, Sirius. _Everybody_ on and off the train was looking at you."

"Either way, there is no reason to stay here longer than we have to. We should go now," Moody said, and Mary could hear his magical eye whizzing frantically below the bowler hat.

After shooting a final longing look in the direction the Hogwarts Express had disappeared, Mary followed the rest of the guard over the platform towards the other side of King's Cross station. They were really gone… She was experiencing a rather bad case of "empty nest-syndrome" already and felt she was looking forward to Christmas already. At least Erin and Oliver would not be alone at Hogwarts, they had Harry, Ron and the other Weasley children to show them around. And they would sure soon be making friends of their own.

Mary was absent-mindedly walking after the rest of the Order as they exited King's Cross into the crowded streets of central London until she felt a gentle bump under her hand. Sirius was running along beside her, looking up in her eyes as she put her hand on top of his head. If she was not mistaken, he knew exactly what she was feeling. Even in his simplified dog-like state of mind, her pain must be palpable to him. Either way, on the rest of the walk back to Grimmauld Place, Sirius never left her side, showing Mary she was anything but alone.

************** End of Update **************

_* Song from the title: Higher Ground by UB40_


	42. Notice

**Notice**

Hi everyone,

I'm still working on the next chapter of 'You Only Live Twice' (YOLT), which I unfortunately have not been able to finish just yet. I have however posted a new short story on Erin and Oliver traveling to Hogwarts with Harry and the others. It's called 'A Surprising Sorting' and can be found on my profile.

The first half has just been posted on and I'm hoping to add the second (and final) part of the story soon, after which I will get back to writing YOLT and continue from where we left off, meaning the next update will start with Sirius and Mary learning where their children ended up .

This notice is basically meant for the readers of this story who do not have me on Author Alert. If you're interested in reading some more about Erin and Oliver, you can :)

Cheers,

Marauding Mara


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